A/N: Please note that other triggering content (self-harm and suicide will be discussed) throughout the story. Please be forewarned and take precautions if these are troubling for you.
A/N: Violence towards a primary character is mentioned/discussed in this chapter. Please be forewarned if that is troubling for you.
A/N: Sorry for the delay in posting…my muse decided to take a nap for a while. I think they are awake again…hopefully.
Thank you to everyone that is still reading and commenting on this story…The positive reviews definitely help keep me and my stubborn muse motivated…so keep them coming!
This is still, as of now, planned to be a fairly long, multi-part story, but if y'all aren't into it…I'll wrap it up soon.
And remember…reviews and feedback keep me and my muse motivated…especially if they're positive!
***More drama and more secrets revealed***
I hope you enjoy this latest chapter…Now on with the show!
"My momma always said the best way to get what you want from people is to give them what they think they want." ~ Justina Ireland
"There is a lurking fear that some things are not meant to be known." ~ Carl Sagan
Chapter 64
Dr. Stone showed up just a few minutes after Dr. Hayes left…which didn't leave much time for JJ, Chance, or Summer to ask me any more questions. Probably a good thing given how bad I've felt since I woke up this morning and how nervous I am about what this doctor might tell me.
Once she entered the room, Dr. Stone slowly and methodically approached my hospital bed…almost as if she could sense the tension and nervousness I was feeling and was trying to keep from making it worse.
She introduced herself to all of us, but looked at me first as she did, before turning to acknowledge JJ, Chance and Summer…before turning her focus back to me.
"Hi Ms. Prentiss…I'm Dr. Stone. Dr. Hayes filled me in on your case."
I politely correct her, smiling slightly as I do…"actually it's Agent Prentiss. But please…just call me Emily."
"Oh…my apologies Agent Prentiss…I mean Emily. Is this your family? Will they be staying for the consult?"
"Yeah, this is some of them…the rest aren't here right now. This is my daughter Summer…my son Chance…and Agent Jareau…but she prefers JJ. And no…they're not staying for the consult."
Dr. Stone looks to the three of them…softly saying… "Okay…well if you three wouldn't mind stepping out for little while…the consult shouldn't take long and I can come get you when we're finished."
I watch as the three of them just nod…Chance and Summer picking up some of their stuff before walking over and giving me a brief kiss on the cheek…telling me they love me and heading for the door.
JJ lingers a little while…picking up her phone and placing it in her purse along with her thermos of coffee…before slowly reaching down and picking up my casted hand…holding it in hers.
She reaches down with her free hand…softly running her fingertips along my jawline before reaching my chin…tilting it up slightly and leaning in and placing a kiss on my lips.
This kiss wasn't like our previous few kisses. It wasn't gentle…yet it wasn't exactly forceful either. It seemed more desperate or needy…almost possessive. She sucked faintly on my bottom lip…smiling into the kiss before leaning back and whispering to me that she loved me and would be waiting for me right outside.
I watched as she smiled at the slightly shocked look on Dr. Stone's face as she walked out of the hospital room and quietly closed the door behind her.
That was something I definitely hadn't expected. An outward display of affection like that in front of yet another stranger.
I could explain away the couple of times she had kissed me in front of Dr. Hayes and even Chloe as being worried or scared…even thankful that I had woken up after being asleep for a long time.
But this time…it seemed like she deliberately wanted to kiss me to try and prove a point to Dr. Stone and me that she was more than just a friend or co-worker and didn't care who knew it.
If Dr. Stone can work some kind of miracle…maybe we might really have some kind of chance at a future.
I doubt the JJ that used to just show up at my door in the middle of the night…seeking comfort…only to turn and run away before the morning sun… would have been willing to take that kind of risk…to be so open about her feelings for me. That has to say something, right?
Dr. Stone cleared her throat before somewhat awkwardly asking "So…I take it she isn't just a co-worker?" A hint of a smile playing on her lips.
"Uhhmmm…no…not exactly. It's complicated. Even more so now…" I reply…looking down at my tightly wrapped pelvic area. "I'm hoping you will be able to help resolve at least some of those complications."
"Dr. Hayes filled me in on your case. First of all…I want to say how sorry I am to be meeting you under these circumstances. But…I believe that I can help correct most…if not all…of the injuries you sustained."
"Really? You think you can fix all of that?" I glance down once again at the area that Lucas damaged so badly.
"Yes…I do. I reviewed all of your injuries with Dr. Hayes and I must say…the emergency room physicians and surgeons did an amazing job not only stabilizing you…but in preventing your injuries from being much worse than they could have been. I realize that's difficult to believe. But what you saw earlier was partially due to swelling and initial trauma due to the surgery itself. The damage inflicted during the attack was actually not as severe as you may have initially thought. I believe that with some basic reconstructive surgery…I can correct most, if not all, of the damage inflicted on you. In addition…if you would like…I can address some of the more prominent wounds inflicted on you at the same time. Some minor scars may remain after surgery…but all of what remains should be able to be addressed through outpatient procedures down the line…if you would even want to address them at all. You may not even feel the need to do so…as they would likely only be noticeable if you were really looking for them."
"You really think you can fix me? Make me look human again? Make everything look normal and function the way it did before?" I reply…shocked that she seems so certain she can really fix the damage Lucas did.
"Provided nothing goes wrong during surgery…yes. Obviously there are no guarantees in anything…but I have corrected much more serious damage before for other patients…and they have no residual scars or permanent damage. Those patients have no outward physical signs that any injuries were ever sustained. Emotional scars though are something completely different and those still need to be treated separately. Those, unfortunately, I can't treat with surgery. I would recommend you work with Dr. Hayes to set up an appointment with a therapist that can help you address the likely emotional injuries you either currently are or likely will face…that no surgery would be able to address."
I ignore the mention of a therapist in favor of focusing on what I see as the most pressing concern at the moment…surgery. Also…I have no intention of ever speaking about what happened with anyone…so setting up an appointment with a therapist is pointless.
"How soon can you do the surgery? How long will it take to do it?" I ask…trying to keep the desperation out of my voice.
"Given that your vital signs have been stable for the past day or so…as soon as you would like. It would likely take 3-4 hours…assuming you would like to address both the reconstructive issues and the more prominent wounds as well. If you would just like to address the reconstructive issues, then the surgery would take less time. With either option…you would likely be in recovery for another hour or so after the surgery. I take it you would like to move forward with the surgery?"
"Yes…can you do it today? I want to get this done and over with so I can get out of this hospital and back home as soon as possible." I reply…almost too quickly.
"I suppose it might be possible to do the surgery this afternoon…if there is an operating room available. I can check with Dr. Hayes to see if we can arrange that. If not…we could likely arrange for it to be set up for tomorrow. I would just need to do a quick exam to confirm what I reviewed with Dr. Hayes from your chart. That way I will have everything set up properly for your surgery. Then I would just need to review the standard paperwork with you regarding the surgery and what you should expect during and after the procedure, the risks, and your aftercare requirements and restrictions. Once all of that is completed…I can talk with Dr. Hayes and as long as she signs off on you having the surgery this quickly…if she feels as though you are stable enough to proceed…we can move forward with getting everything set up. Once we have everything set up, we can let you know the surgery time. How does that sound?"
"Whatever you need to do to get the surgery set up and over with as soon as possible. I just want to be able to move past this so I can really start my recovery." I reply.
God…I hope she really can fix all of this…then JJ and I might really have a chance after all. If not…well…I know what will happen…how everything will turn out in the end.
"Well…since you want to move forward as quickly as possible…I'll need to go ahead and do a quick exam now…and then talk to Dr. Hayes once I finish that up. Are you ready to get started with that?" Dr. Stone asks cautiously.
Not that I'm looking forward to this at all…but if I hope to get the surgery…I know it has to be done…so I really have no other choice.
"Do whatever you need to do so I can get this surgery done and over with."
I'll just do what I did last time and think of something else…block it all out again…compartmentalize.
It's one of the few tricks I still have left when dealing with something I don't want anything to do with…just completely disassociate from it entirely…at least until it's over.
Closing the door to Emily's room behind me…I walk out into the hall just steps behind Summer and Chance.
I wanted to stay behind a few minutes so that I could let Emily know that I loved her…show her how much I loved her.
I had caught a glimpse of something in her eyes in the moments before Dr. Stone showed up…that lingered when she was there talking with all of us that unnerved me. Emily was scared of something. I don't think her kids saw it…and I doubt Emily realized I noticed it…but something about seeing Dr. Stone scared Emily for some reason.
I needed to tell Emily…to show her…that I loved her before I left. I didn't want to leave her side…and when I kissed her…I did so a little more forcefully than I had intended…but I was a little scared too.
Whatever it was that scared her enough for that fear to show in her eyes started to scare me…and I had to show her that I loved her no matter what. Part of me was almost desperate to prove it to her.
I got the impression earlier that it was a therapist she was going to talk with…but now I'm not so sure. I know she doesn't like sharing her feelings…but I doubt she'd be that scared to just talk to someone. Something else is going on…I just have no idea what it is.
That's part of what has me scared right now. She didn't actually say who Dr. Stone was…or what this visit was really all about. Seeing that fear in her eyes…that she was trying so hard to hide from everyone…really scared me.
"Hey JJ…did mom say anything to you about who this Dr. Stone was…or what this 'consult' was about?" Chance questions.
"No…I hadn't heard anything about her until earlier…the same time you both did." I quietly reply.
"You think it's a therapist or something…I overheard Dr. Hayes say something about trying to get mom to talk to someone?" Summer asks.
"I don't know sweetie…maybe we'll find out more once Dr. Stone finishes up in there. Or maybe Dr. Hayes can tell us. Depends on if your mom lets them say anything to us." I answer…trying not to let the worry I'm feeling come through in my voice.
"All right Emily…all finished. Now I just need to go speak with Dr. Hayes to find out if she's okay with you having this surgery and how soon they can arrange for an operating room to be available. Did you have any questions for me right now?" Dr. Stone cautiously asks as she places the blankets back over my lap.
"No…just don't say anything to my family about any of this right now. I don't want to worry any of them about this." I quietly reply.
"Okay…if you're sure. Dr. Hayes and I will be back once we finalize the time for your surgery and have everything set up. Let us know if you have any questions in the meantime." Dr. Stone replies as she offers a small smile and turns and walks out of my room.
Now I just need to find out when the surgery is scheduled and figure out a way to get JJ, Chance, and Summer out of here during that time. Maybe I can get Chance and Summer to take the gifts over to Kasey and Logan and spend some time with them for a while. They needed to take those gifts over anyway and that would be a good excuse to get them out of here for a while.
As for JJ…maybe I can convince her to spend some time with Henry…take him for ice cream or dinner or something. If the surgery is later…maybe I can even convince her to take him home and tuck him in for the night…sing him a lullaby or maybe read him or bedtime story or something. I know she's dying to see him…spend time with him. She hasn't seen him since before we left to go to that case in California. I doubt she's ever been away from him this long.
Besides…it won't do any of them any good to just wonder around here waiting on me…whether it was for a test or a surgery. They'd be wasting their time instead of doing something productive that they'd have more fun doing. Once I figure out the time…I can go from there.
I'll probably have more trouble getting JJ to leave…but maybe I can get Will to put Henry on the phone…have him ask for JJ to pick him up or something. That way I can talk to Henry for a minute too and get JJ to remember how much she misses seeing her son. She wouldn't have to be gone for that long…just long enough for my surgery and however long I'm in recovery.
The team would still be here if anything went wrong and could call them. Yeah…that might work.
I know they'll be pissed when they find out I had a surgery when they were gone…but I just don't want them to worry about me…and I definitely don't want to have to explain why I need to have this surgery to anyone.
If it works…I can tell them it was a surgery to fix something minor. If it doesn't…I can just tell them they noticed something during a test and had to fix something because of that…still nothing major though.
Either way…I have no intention of letting on what the real reason for the surgery is…or what damage Lucas actually caused. Even if JJ actually did see the rough sketch...she doesn't need to know how bad the damage really was…or what I really looked like before the surgery. Hell…I don't even want to think about it. I just can't deal with that…not now…not ever.