Chapter 21

Jennie

The door shuts behind me and I turn around, prepared to tell Lisa this is silly. But the second I see the look in her eyes, all the air is sucked out of my lungs.

"Jennie," she pants, voice heavy with desire. A shiver runs down my spine and her hands land on either side of my waist. "Are you sure you want this?"

Parting my lips, I hook my arms around her neck. "Yes," I breathe, telling the honest truth. I do want Lisa, and I'm not just talking about sex.

I want her to be with me during this pregnancy.

I want her there when I give birth.

I want her to raise this child with me.

I want us. Together.

She wastes no time in kissing me, and I slide my hands down her chest, going right to her belt. Her hands go around my back and unhooks my bra.

And then the door opens.

"Motherfucker," I blurt as Lisa and I untangle. The dogs run in ahead of my parents, with Rufus at the rear, limping.

"You should really consider going in and having a specialist look at it," Lisa says, eyes narrowing. She holds my wrist in her hands, thumb gently circling over my pulse-point. It's too intimate. Too gentle. But for the life of me, I can't pull away from Lisa. "You'll need a referral."

"What's going on?" Mom asks. She's not accusatory, not at all. But knowing how close we were to getting caught makes me clam up.

"Jennie's wrist is still hurting," Lisa says, looking into my eyes. "But it won't forever. It'll be okay."

"Right," I say, knowing she's not talking about my wrist right now. "It will."

"And call me if it hurts. At any time."

I bite the inside of my cheek. "Okay."

"Even if the pain isn't that bad. You can always call."

Her hand slowly trails down my wrist. "Thank you, Lisa."

She nods, struggling to hold back her emotion. "You're not alone in this," she says softly, giving my fingers a squeeze. "I'll see you later."

She says goodbye to my parents, and with one lingering look back at me, she leaves.

"Lisa is really concerned about your wrist," Mom says, going into the pantry to get a jar of peanut butter. "You are going to take her advice and get it looked at, right?"

Still staring at the door, I move my head up and down. "Right."

I close my eyes, hand on my stomach, and lean back. It's only eleven o'clock on Tuesday and I'm not sure I can make it through the rest of the day. Yesterday was a challenge. The nausea's getting worse every day, the exhaustion is real, and I feel like I'm lying every time I'm around Marissa for not telling her what's going on.

Lisa called me Sunday night to make sure I got home okay and to see how I was dealing. I'm not dealing, and I know the danger of it. But right now, I can't.

I just can't.

Having a baby comes with a slew of ramifications, ones I'm not ready to deal with yet. Thinking about them makes me feel even sicker than I do already, and not being with the person who fathered my child is icing on the cake. We're not at odds with each other. It's not like we were a couple and split up. We're just two people who caved into lust. How does custody work in situations like this? And what about insurance? Is Lisa going to want this kid to take her last name?

It's too much to think about. So I just won't. Not yet. I don't have to, not right now, anyway. Deep down, I know I do. I have nine months to figure this stuff out. It seems like a long time, but really, it's not.

Lisa and I have texted constantly since then, and while she started the conversation yesterday asking me how I'm feeling, we've gone on to talk about other things. I just sent her a note about some office drama, and she sent me a funny meme about cats.

She's easy to talk to, and I don't feel like I have to try to be anything but myself around her. But we're not in a relationship. We hooked up and then she moved on with no interest in staying in touch with me. I'm pregnant with her baby, and she wants to do the right thing because that's the kind of person Lisa is.

I can't keep the thoughts out of my mind every time she texts me, and as much as I'd like to blame this on pregnancy hormones, I know I can't. Lisa wouldn't be talking to me if I weren't pregnant, and I don't want her to feel trapped into trying to feel something she doesn't. I'd rather raise this baby on my own than have him or her grow up in a family and watch their parents fight and resent each other.

Besides, she's four hours away.

Opening my eyes, I tear open a bag of Sour Patch Kids, which I started craving Sunday night. I grabbed several bags from a corner store late Sunday night, and have been eating them constantly ever since.

The nausea is pretty constant, yet I'm still craving sour candy. Pregnancy is so weird. And this is just the beginning.

Taking advice I read online, I've been trying to nibble on something throughout the day so my stomach doesn't get empty. I seem to feel the sickest when I have an empty stomach. Other than the candy, the only other thing I can handle right now are saltine crackers, and I have a stash in my desk drawer.

I was able to get into the OB last night for a blood test, and they called this morning to confirm I am indeed pregnant. I have an ultrasound scheduled for Friday afternoon, which I'm pretending not to be nervous about, but I know it'll change everything.

I saw not one, but two positive pregnancy tests. The nurse called just hours ago and told me I'm pregnant. I know I'm pregnant. I know my life is fucked in a way I never thought it would be.

But actually seeing the little blob of a baby on the ultrasound will change everything. I can't refuse to deal and do my best to go about work like everything is normal after that.

I have a few days. No need to panic now.

I trade the Sour Patch Kids for water, wondering if this sore throat is from throwing up or is indicative of getting sick. Stressing out for several days usually leads me to getting a cold, and I've definitely been stressed.

"Hey, lady," Marissa says as she steps into my office. "Do you want to go to lunch early today? I'm starving."

Knowing I should eat something more than crackers and Sour Patch Kids at some point today, I close the baby website I was looking at before Marissa has a chance to see. "Sure. Where do you want to go?"

"Wherever has the shortest wait," she says with a smile. "We can try that new Mexican place that opened a few weeks ago. It's supposed to be really good."

"Yeah, sounds good. We can head out now."

"Perfect!"

I push my rolling chair back and stand, getting hit with dizziness. I grab my desk to steady myself, hoping Marissa doesn't notice. She's looking at something on her phone, thankfully. I grab my candy and follow her into the lobby. Rene comes out from behind her desk and almost runs into me.

"Oh, sorry," she says, eyes narrowing ever so slightly. She's mad at me still because she thinks I stole Lisa from her and doesn't think I'm good enough to be a 'doctor's wife.' I know this because she writes and sends emails to her sister on the company server.

"It's okay." I smile politely, wondering what kind of things I'll read when word gets out Lisa's baby is growing inside of me.

It's hot and humid today, typical for summer by the lake. Marissa and I walk to the restaurant and get seated pretty quickly.

"Want to order a pitcher of margaritas?" Marissa asks, looking over the menu.

Shit.

"Nah, go ahead and get one though."

Marissa puts down the menu. "They have strawberry. I know how much you love those. Oh, and it's half price!"

"I shouldn't drink at work."

Marissa isn't one to pressure me, but she knows it's weird. I don't drink at work when we have functions, but I usually get a drink with lunch. Especially half-priced strawberry margaritas.

She's going to find out soon enough. I might as well tell her now.

"I can't drink."

Marissa gives me a blank stare. "Are you sick?"

"Not exactly."

"Jennie," she begs when I don't say anything more. "What is going on?"

I close my eyes, not wanting to see her face when I say it. "I'm pregnant."

She bursts out laughing. "No fucking way," she says when she sees I'm serious. "Are you sure?"

"I took two tests at home and got a blood test at the OB office yesterday. I'm sure."

"Who is the fath—oh my God. It's Lisa, isn't it? She's the only person you've had sex with recently unless you had another dirty weekend with someone else and didn't tell me."

"It is her."

"Oh my God. She's your brother's friend! Are they even on speaking terms?"

"They're great. Nothing's changed. Because we haven't told him yet. We haven't told anyone yet. You're the first person to know."

"That makes me feel all sorts of special, but what the hell are you going to do?"

I shake my head. "I know I'm having it, I already decided that."

"What about Lisa? How's she handling all this?"

"Better than me," I say with a sigh. "She wants to talk about the future and all that responsible stuff."

"And you don't?"

I shake my head. "I know I have to. It's just…" I trail off, becoming emotional. "That tends to happen when I think about it. Sorry."

Marissa reaches out and takes my hand. "Don't be sorry, Jennie. I'd be a blubbering mess if I were in your shoes. Not that what you're going through is bad, because it's, uh, not."

"It's bad."

Marissa squeezes my hand. "Do you think you'll get together with Lisa?"

I sigh and lean back, grabbing a chip. "I don't know. I don't want her to be with me just because I'm pregnant."

"Yeah, that doesn't always work out."

I break the chip in half and let out a breath. "It wouldn't feel right. I want whoever I'm with to love me, you know?"

"Oh, totally." Marissa gives me a sympathetic smile. "Whatever you need, Jennie, I'm here. You're my best friend."

"Thanks. Don't tell anyone yet."

"My lips are sealed."

"It feels good saying this out loud. I've known since Sunday morning and haven't told anyone. Well, besides Lisa. She was with me when I took the tests. We want to put off telling my family for as long as possible."

"That's going to be one interesting conversation."

"You're not mad I didn't tell you sooner?"

"Not at all. Lisa is your brother's best friend," she repeats, not having to explain for me to know what she's thinking. This is going to cause so many problems, not just between Lisa and Jinwoo.

Lisa's not the only one who crossed a line. I knew exactly what I was doing, and facing my family and telling them the truth is going to be one of the hardest things I'll ever do.

I wake up Wednesday morning with a headache. There's no question about it now: I'm sick. All the cold medications in my cabinet say they're not safe if you're pregnant. I take an extra-long shower, trying to clear my head so I can breathe, and feel a little better.

Until I throw up.

Slumping to the bathroom floor, I can't help the tears. I'm alone, scared, and feel like total crap. I want to call my mom and have her comfort me. Lego comes over instead, rubbing his head against me.

"Hey, buddy," I say quietly, stroking his sleek fur. He jumps into my lap, purring, and I close my eyes and lean against the wall. My phone rings and Lego jumps away when I start to get up.

Thinking it might be Mom and she somehow felt through the universe I need her, I apprehensively look at the name on the screen. It was bad enough lying to Marissa for a day. There's no way I can lie to my own mother. But it's not her. I slowly get to my feet and answer the phone.

"Hello," I say to Lisa.

"Hey. How are you feeling?"

"I just threw up again."

"I'm so sorry, Jennie," she says, and I can tell she feels it. "There's medication you can take to help with that. I can write a prescription for you."

I pinch the bridge of my nose and close my eyes. "I read some mixed things online about it not being good for the baby."

"It seems at this point you need it. Being dehydrated isn't good for the baby either."

"I don't think I'm dehydrated."

"You said your blood pressure was low. Are you still dizzy?"

"It is low, and yes, I am. The nurse said it was all normal."

Lisa isn't convinced. "Can you send me your lab results? Did they check you for dehydration?"

"Lisa," I say, not sure if her concern is endearing or annoying. "The nurse said everything came back normal for pregnancy when I talked to her on the phone. Being dizzy and having morning sickness just comes with it."

"But that was a few days ago. Things can change fast. Maybe you should go in again and have more labs drawn."

Yep. Her concern is annoying.

"And even if you're not dehydrated, I don't want you to feel sick all the time. It makes it hard to enjoy anything if you're on the verge of throwing up. You're going through enough and I…I want you to be happy, even though I know it's hard right now."

Well, maybe a little endearing.

"I know," I sigh.

"I miss you," she says, and I can't help but wonder if she actually does or if she's saying that to try and make me feel better. She didn't seem to miss me at all until she found out I'm carrying her baby. "I have the weekend off. I can come see you if you want."

"I did enjoy the last time we spent the weekend together. And we never did have that thirty minutes like you promised me."

"If I come up I'll give you more than thirty minutes."

I smile, body reacting to the mere thought of Lisa's touch. "Well, if you're promising that, then, by all means, yes, come up here for a booty call."

"I didn't mean it like that," she says sharply, not finding the humor like I thought she would.

"I was just joking. A booty call is probably a bad idea anyway, though it's not like I can get pregnant again." I move into my bedroom, coughing. "Have you talked to Jinwoo lately?"

"We text occasionally. Have you thought more about when you want to tell your family?"

"No. What about your family?" I ask, realizing I haven't brought it up yet. "Do you want to tell your mom?"

"I will after we tell your parents. Mine have enough going on, waiting isn't a bad thing."

I never got the chance to ask Lisa what was wrong the other night at dinner either. Finding out I'm pregnant distracted me from pretty much everything, and now I'm feeling selfish for making things all about me.

"Is everything okay?" I ask.

"It tends to end up that way," she replies softly, and the change in the tone of her voice throws me. "It's nothing to worry about."

"Okay," I say, feeling right back at square one with her. I'm never going to crack Lisa Manoban, and I don't think she wants me to.