WMHS Junior Year Part VII
BYE BYE ALLIE.
Yesterday was Allie's last day here. It's too bad she's gonna miss Nationals in NYC next week but she said she wasn't that upset about it anyway. She wasn't really interested in the whole competition side of Glee, she just wanted to make some friends and have fun. But her mom got that job transfer and she's moving back to Kansas with her now so she can graduate with her friends at her old school. So Allie's happy and her mom is too. (And although she hasn't commented in any way, I'm SURE Rach is pretty happy too.)
Y'know, it's funny how people come in and out of your life sometimes. Like, I was going through one of the worst patches in my life so far, and the exact right friend showed up at a time when I really needed one. If I didn't have Rachel in my life, Allie might have become someone so much more important to me. She was so awesome and we have so much in common. I really enjoyed hanging out with her, she was a lotta fun.
But then again, if I didn't have Rachel in my life ( and I shudder at the thought of that! ), we might not have become the friends we were anyway – which is also totally weird, because that friendship with Allie almost made me LOSE my Rach altogether… see, totally weird, right? Whatever. They say everything happens for a reason (like, whoever THEY is – kinda creepy when I think about that), so I guess everything happened the way it was supposed to in the end.
I have to admit I'm gonna miss that Alliecat, at least a little. We might still pick up a game of COD or Halo online, and there's always Facebook and stuff, but once people move away like that, it's too easy to lose touch. We'll be seniors next year, then graduating and I know people try to stay in touch, but it gets harder as life just kinda goes on. Out of sight out of mind, right?
Anyway… Allie was still kinda sad to be leaving. She said Puck was a fun distraction. They weren't really dating but they at least had an okay time at prom – well, that is until the whole QUINN drama kicked in. She said Puck ended up ditching her for Quinn! WTF? That reminds me, I'm gonna have to ask Puck what that's about – not sure if he's gonna try to get back with her again or not now? I mean, they had a kid together, so I guess that's a forever bond between them… But Quinn is just INSANE. Even insane by PUCK standards, which is saying something. Maybe Quinn will think about what Rach said to her and get some counseling or something.. She sure seems to need it!
Then there was poor Sam. I thought him and Quinn were starting to like, really become a couple , y'know? But I guess maybe that ship sailed too. Allie said Sam ended up taking her home that night from the prom since Puck had his hands full with the blonde loony who DID NOT win her stupid crown. Allie was so surprised to win prom queen, and she said she and Sam had a lot of fun together after their king/queen dance. I guess they hung out at Mike's party afterward too… Well, they both come from basically the same area down south, so who knows? Maybe he will keep in touch with her? Sam's a good guy… I think they'd be a good match. :)
At least Allie isn't all gushing over ME in like, a lovey romantic kinda way now. That got too weird. I hate feeling so awkward around girls, especially in like, this situation where she was just my friend and then she wanted something more. I guess I should trust Rachel's instincts better from now on – she pretty much had the right idea about what was happening from the start. Thank god she was patient and forgiving of my stupid ass AGAIN because I apparently still don't understand GIRLS, in general, any better now than I did before!
Well, except maybe for ONE girl. But she's the only one who counts anyway, so… ;-)
. . . . .
FLYING THE FRIENDLY SKIES… NYC - CITY OF LOVE!
NEW YORK CITY, HERE WE ARE!
It took a LOT of craziness this past year to get us here… in Rachel's city of dreams. Rachel's destiny .
Her name will be in lights here one day. I've known it since the first time I heard her sing. And honestly, there's nothing I want more for her than for her dream to become reality… well, that and to marry me and to watch our kids grow up and for us to grow old together…
Okay, yeah I want it ALL with Rach. And we're gonna have all of it someday, I just know it. We are bound by that tether… soulmates. God I love her!
I just need her to say yes.
. . . . .
Okay, I'm getting ahead of myself again. Keep forgetting how much you seem to like hearing ALL the little details so I'll do my best…
We left Lima for Cleveland airport early. SUPER EARLY. Like, I might as well have stayed awake all night. It was still dark out when we arrived at the airport around 5:30 am for our 8:00 am flight to JFK in New York. Rach stayed the night at my house to be sure me and Kurt were both up for the 4 am wake-up call and on time. (And thanks to our unbelievably humiliating little chat with mom, she was happy to sneak into my room for some uh, 'cuddle time' after Kurt fell asleep!)
Anyway. We boarded the airplane and it's the first time I've ever been on one. The captain and flight crew greeted us all as we entered the plane and Mr. Schue stopped to talk to him for a minute. Me and Rach sat together of course, and I let her have the window seat. While we were both buckling in (and I was triple-checking to be sure we were clicked in tight), we heard the captain over the loudspeaker announcing about the flight plan and the weather, and then congratulating McKinley High's 2011 Show Choir team wishing us luck for our shot at Nationals in NYC! That was really awesome to hear, even though the response from a lot of the other passengers was like, 'what the hell is show choir?'
. . . . .
We were in the air for about 45 minutes and Rach had sorta fallen asleep leaning on my shoulder. We were sharing a blanket and cuddled as close as we could be in those freaky small airplane seats – well, for ME they're pretty small. But y'know, being snuggled together and sharing a blanket like we were, and Rach looking so gorgeous and smelling so irresistible… I just couldn't help myself. I looked around to be sure the coast was clear, and most everyone nearby was either sleeping or plugged into a movie or something.
So… as if it had a mind of its own, my hand started creeping up Rach's thigh. (Did I mention how AWESOME it is that Rach wears those little skirts like, ALL the time?) Anyway, uhh.. My fingers were about half-way under the hem of her skirt when her eyes flew open and connected with mine instantly. I put my finger to my lips and shushed her. She looked at me with dark lusty eyes as a huge grin stretched across her beautiful half-sleepy face. I felt her legs relax and spread apart just a little bit as my hand traveled further up her inner thigh… then she spread them a little more as I inched even closer, and then… UGHHH Mr Schue popped up outta nowhere next to us! I sorta froze as I felt Rach's legs clamp back together like a vice!
"Finn, Rachel, I'm glad you're both awake. I'm counting on you both as co-captains to help keep everyone on task of writing our original songs. We've only got three days of writing time before we should really be rehearsing and nailing them down. Can I count on you?"
Rach just smiled and nodded, and I was pretty sure it was because given the way I just woke her up, she couldn't really SPEAK just yet… ;) Plus, she still had my hand trapped halfway under her skirt in a death grip between her legs (which THANKFULLY Mr Schue must not have noticed, like, AT ALL ? At least I hope not!)
So I grinned and said "Uh.. sure thing Mr. Schue, you know we're all about nailing things down. I'm sure when we all come together and work really hard we'll hit the sweet spot and make them scream our names in victory!"
Then Rach started coughing but I could tell she was trying hard not to laugh.
"Great! Glad to hear it Finn, that's the spirit! I knew I could count on you two." He patted me on the shoulder, smiled, and then finally went the hell away (cockblock much?).
Then Rachel grabbed hold of my fingers under the blanket and SQUEEZED HARD .
"OW! Rach, babe what the heck?"
Then she did that whisper-yelling thing again through gritted teeth. "Are you SERIOUS Finn? 'Nailing the sweet spot' and 'screaming our names in victory?' You might as well have pulled the blanket off and showed him exactly what you were doing!"
"Ew, no babe, that's just gross! I don't want him seeing us do.. that ! He's all old and–"
"FINNEGAN CHRISTOPHER. You seem to be missing the point. The point is, we're out here in a public area where anyone could see what we're doing!"
I leaned over to whisper whine in her ear. "But baaaaby I can't help it, you're sooo hot and I just need to touch you."
She seems to have changed her tune pretty fast though. Or maybe we were still just marching in time to the same beat… 'cause she said, "Well baby, now that you have me all wound up, I also need you to touch me.. but just not out HERE." She fluttered her long eyelashes at me and I groaned when she bit that bottom lip of hers. Then that wicked devilish smile stretched across her face again and she whispered all sexy-like in my ear. "So, I was thinking… do you remember that Ashton Kutcher and Brittany Murphy movie we were watching, 'Just Married'? Remember that one scene in the airplane bathroom…?"
Little Finn suddenly got really excited because, uhh YEAH, I totally remember the scene she's talking about! And I remember very well because we had a whole debate about it. See, the actors are almost the same exact height difference as me and Rach. She thought the movie scene was totally realistic and would be just too complicated to pull off in such a small space, especially without getting caught. But I'd bet her that it was actually totally doable and they prob'ly just made it look so ridiculous for the sake of the movie.
"So Finn, I seem to remember we had a BET going… wanna find out which one of us was right?"
HOLY. SHIT. Rachel Berry is a fucking GENIUS. And I, Finn Hudson, am about to join the Mile High Club!
… For the record, if I thought airplane seats were too small, that goes DOUBLE for airplane bathrooms! Good thing Rach is so tiny. And bendy. (And uh, yeah… I totally won the bet!) :-D
. . . . .
A BERRY IN THE BIG APPLE.
On the FOREVER LONG charter bus ride into Manhattan (okay it was like an hour or more, but it felt like forever), we'd all talked Mr. Schue into a quick stop on Broadway for breakfast and just to take in the view of Rachel's landing strip (uhh… wait, no, no no that sounds so many kinds of WRONG. I meant like the street name, Broadwaybecause it's all brightly lit up like an airport.. you PERVS!). Anyway. Since it was close to the hotel and we had so much time on the bus to convince him, he finally agreed.
You should've seen the look on her face when she first walked out into Time Square. Priceless . I actually got goosebumps watching her. She just stood there in her little rainbow stripey coat and took it all in. She never spoke. It seriously gave me chills, wondering what she was thinking... Okay, no I didn't really have to wonder. I knew . I could feel her excitement and practically see the gears turning in her head.
Pretty sure her clock started ticking the second we got there. A countdown to the day when she'd be here for real, for good. And it occurred to me at exactly that same moment – this wasn't just her city of dreams anymore.
If what I really want is ALL OF IT with Rach, then IT is gonna have to include me in NYC also, right? Because I'm not gonna be without her, and it's not a reasonable idea to try to be married and have kids from like 400 miles away. So I guess I better start learning to love city life… And figuring out what the hell I will be doing when we get here.
But I still have time for that. Right now, there's other priorities. Like getting my girl to promise to stay my girl forever… oh, and also, WINNING Nationals!
. . . . .
SWEEP HER OFF HER FEET WITH TRAINING WHEELS.
We finally got checked into the hotel (and Rach was trying hard to hide the newly minted hickeys on her neck – oops). Mr. Schue said we had conference room #204 reserved as our rehearsal space all week. He wanted us to spend at least 2 hours working on writing our songs before we stopped for lunch, then we could go out and sightsee for a bit today, but he wanted us back in the conference room by 6 pm.
Puck had shouted out how we were gonna light up the place, which sorta sparked a song title when I said "No, the WORLD. That's the title. Light Up the World ." Everyone liked it, and then all kinds of great lyric ideas started flowing. We got most of our group song lyrics done before lunchtime.
Everyone was planning to split up into small groups to go to different places for lunch. But what Rachel didn't know was that I already had plans for us to have a special lunch date alone together. See, I made this lunch reservation as soon as I got the ring. Kurt helped me pick the restaurant, insisting this was ' the ONLY place in NYC you should take her for this occasion since it is part of her MECCA' – whatever that means.
When everyone was clearing out for lunch I told Rach to go dress up nice and meet me on Bow Bridge in Central Park in 30 minutes.
. . . . .
She looked so pretty in her flowy light blue dress. She always takes my breath away, but today I was extra nervous and trying not to hyperventilate. I patted my jacket breast pocket one more time before she reached me to be sure the little box was still there.
I gave her another bouquet of colorful Gerber daisies like the ones from prom and we walked hand in hand out of Central Park to the restaurant across the street. She completely FLIPPED when she realized we were having lunch at Sardi's. It's like the birthplace of the Tony Awards I guess? That's what Rach says anyway (Kurt probably said it too when he first picked the place, but he was squealing too much and I tuned him out completely after a while).
Well, I was planning to make this big speech at lunch about how much I loved her and that someday I plan to marry her and I wanted to give Rach the ring right there at Sardi's… until Patti freaking LuPone showed up and messed it all up! Yeah, of course, one of her Broadway legend favorites would just have to come and screw up my plans!
Rach actually found the courage to say hi and talk to her for a minute – which was really cool of Miss LuPone to be bothered to speak to us at all. Afterwards, Rach was in such a fog on cloud nine, I was pretty sure she couldn't hear anything else I said through the rest of our meal. So I had to wait until we were walking back to the hotel and she calmed down enough to listen.
She was talking about how romantic this was, being on this date in New York, and how the city makes her feel like falling in love… so I jumped in with that as my cue. We happened to stop in front of a bridal shop window with wedding dresses on display (total UNPLANNED coincidence, I swear!) and Rachel looked in the window all dreamy-like, saying how she could see herself in one of those someday. It felt like it was the perfect moment.
So I took out the little black box from my jacket pocket and was starting to kneel, 'cause like, isn't that the proper manners and stuff when you give a girl a ring? Well yeah, that's what I thought too, but I guess Rachel didn't get that memo 'cause she started breathing really hard and fast and clutching at her chest and lots of words were trying to come spluttering out of her mouth all at once but she was kinda choking a little bit and her eyes were as big as footballs. I really thought she was gonna like, pass out or something.
The only words I could make out from her between all the gasping for air were 'Finn' and 'why' and 'are you insane'... then it dawned on me what she musta been thinking – shit , maybe I shouldn't have done the kneeling thing while standing outside a bridal shop for this?!
"Rach, Ra-Rach.. RACH! No, no ! Baby, calm down. It's not what you think! It's not that ... I mean, not yet. And it's not a diamond either. Uh, sorry, I-I can't afford diamonds right now. I mean, I'm only a junior in high school still, y'know? But.. it's a promise that someday it'll be a diamond. For now, it's a rose zircon. At least I think that's what the sales lady said it is. And um, it's pink , because I know you love pink!" She giggled at that.. which I hope is a good thing? I smiled brightly at her and said "Just.. um, think of it as the practice ring. Like training wheels!"
She looked at me with like, a mix of confusion and amusement. But her eyes still looked pretty nervous and kinda terrified. "Ahh… training wheels? Finn, what–"
"Yea-yeah, like… y'know, you wear training wheels on a bike until you learn what you're doing so you don't fall off… til you get comfortable with riding enough that you don't need them. And then when you're a little older, you upgrade from like the little kids bike to the 10-speed mountain bike. So this is sorta like that. Mostly, it's my promise to always be true to you, to be there for you, and to love you no matter what – even if we get mad at each other. And then one day, when we're ready it'll be the real ring. The one that WILL be a diamond… the one when you're ready to become my wife. Because, Rach, I already know that's our destiny. So for now, I just wanted you to know that this is how I feel about you – about US – and I really think it's NEVER gonna change."
She had crazy amounts of tears streaming down her beautiful face, but she still looked a little panicky. She tried to take some breaths to calm down and swallowed really hard. Then she said "Finn I… I love you so so much. But you have to know, this is my dream, being here in New York, it's my future. I'm not gonna let anyone or anything keep me from it. A-and I just… well, I just never expected to hear you talking about the idea of us getting married someday, especially not so soon. I honestly really DO love you, Finn, with all my heart, but, it-it's A LOT to think about right now and.. W-we have to perform in the competition in a couple more days and we should really be focused on that... But.. I…."
She was so flustered and I knew I needed to try to calm her down. "Rach.. Rachel. BREATHE baby. It's okay. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to freak you out. Look, I'm not saying we should get engaged like tomorrow , or next week or even next year or whatever – 'cause that'd be crazy right? We're still kids in high school! Just. I know what I want. I know we're meant to be, forever … however long it takes for us to get there, well, I can wait for you. Or maybe I know it already and you're not quite there yet, but that's okay. I believe you will be . So all I'm asking is for you to just… Take a chance on me."
Then she reached up on her tiptoes and pulled me by the collar to press her lips to mine. I wanted to deepen the kiss pretty fast but she suddenly pulled away. "Oh Finn… I do love you, so very very much, but.. I-I just can't answer you about this right now… I really hadn't... Well, that is to say, I wasn't sure if.." She sorta huffed out a breath, I could tell she was frustrated and her words weren't coming out right. I don't think I've ever seen her so flustered like this. She finally said "W-we should just maybe get back to the hotel. It's getting late… and I'll.. I'll think about it. And we'll talk later. Okay?"
. . . . .
Well uh.. that kinda sucked. Was it really too much to expect an easy YES? Okay, I know, she's Rachel , she's a drama queen, I get that.. but I mean she acts like I was proposing TODAY… unless maybe Kurt was right, maybe I'm crazy to have done this at all right now? What if he's right, what if this freaked her out too much?
Nah… she just needs time to think this through and realize this is just a symbol of my commitment to her. It was like, my metaphor for us... I mean, she put a giant gold star on me for cryin' out loud! A ring is just like that, only just a little fancier and more permanent, right? So maybe it was a surprise and everything, but I know we feel the same way about each other and that means we're gonna be Finchel FOREVER. So she has to say yes eventually. I mean, there's no way I could lose her because I tried to give her a promise ring, right?
Okay, I'm starting to freak out a little. What if I scared her too much? What if she never saw a future for us past high school? What if she doesn't really feel exactly the same way about me as I do about her? No no no… that's just crazy talk. I'm just panicking now because she's making me wait for an answer. And because stupid KURT got into my head. Maybe I should have expected this reaction from her, I mean it is like, true Rachel Berry DIVA style. But she's gonna say yes. She's my cupcake girl. She's my destiny.
{{SIGH}} I know I said I'd never doubt her feelings again, and I'm not, but... I just totally didn't expect her to like, have to THINK this over. I mean, it's just a ring and a promise to keep being what we already are.
UGH… this is giving me flashbacks to when we were PAUSED and even to back before we were officially together, like when she was dating St Jerkface. I hated the way I felt all those times, all jumbled up in my gut and wanting to scream and punch things… and I really don't want that feeling to ever come back!
But maybe all of this nervous anxiety-filled waiting is good food for songwriting? {{sigh}}
. . . . .
SONGWRITING FOR SIMPS.
So. I've never done this before, and we all know that me and WORDS aren't usually the best of friends, so I was kinda unsure about mentioning this to anyone like, ever, except maybe to Rach someday… Anyway. I started writing something when we were 'paused' between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Maybe it was a poem, maybe it coulda been a song, whatever. It was just something I was scribbling down and a way to vent out my feelings and deal with the pain and frustration.
But right now we NEED another song for this competition, a kick-ass AWESOME ANTHEM of a song. And I'm a leader in this club, right? So I need to be brave and take charge. Rachel thinks I can do anything, maybe it's high time I start believing the things she says about me? Crap. I guess I should have another look at it first. I need to pull out my notes... and my journal.
Alright after a second look, I guess it's not that horrible – though maybe a bit embarrassing. And also, Rachel's diary is like a songwriter's encyclopedia of emotions, so maybe she can help tweak a few things if this crappy song of mine sucks too much. My journal isn't that deep (and yeah, it sure doesn't have as many entries as hers does - by A LOT. Girls really think too much don't they?) but I have a few more ideas that might work in this song, some new ones that just came to mind in the last day or so… Well anyway. I just need to be doing something to take my mind off Rachel and her delayed answer to the ring thing for now, so it might as well be this.
GAH but I just can't focus right now! This is sorta killing me. It's just… I mean, seeing Rach standing in Time Square was like awe-inspiring . She just KNOWS what's next for her. And me? The only thing I feel that kinda sure about in my life right now is HER. I still don't have a solid plan for my future yet, except that I want her to be in it. I NEED her to be.
I know I'm not good enough for her, at least not right now – even if she's always telling me I am. Like, what can I really offer her? Mediocre grades and lame conversation about video games? Okay I can play football but like, what are the odds that's gonna get me anywhere in life? Seriously, I don't know what she sees in me sometimes. What's all this SPECIALNESS she keeps talking about and when is it ever gonna be as obvious to me as it is to her?
Unless maybe that's what has her so freaked out about this promise ring? She's always said it from the beginning, how special she thinks I am. Maybe she's just worried that I don't believe in myself enough, and so what good can I be for her future? Well, I definitely don't wanna end up a Lima loser because Rachel deserves so much better than a sad-sack like that. So I guess I need to start figuring out my own future too – and believing her more often when she tells me about my potential… Like, wasn't that sorta what our pause was all about, learning to trust in the things we say to each other?
But like, if she's having ANY doubts about our future together then she needs to speak up. I can't just read her mind, like how am I supposed to know what she's thinking if she's keeping secrets on purpose? I know she loves me, and sure, I can read her obvious emotions when she wants me to, but not if she really doesn't wanna tell me stuff (see, this is the tricky part of dating a future Tony award-winning actress ).
No, I don't think she's keeping secrets, well not really , she's just... She's just prob'ly wondering if we'll always belong together, forever. I mean even I went through that phase myself for a little while of not being sure, of having some doubts. But now? I just have to believe we'll get our happy ending somehow. I just know I'll do whatever it takes, I'll fight for her from now on. I'm never letting go of her now and I can't just pretend I'd be okay without her. I spent way too much time pretending in the past and…
Wait… GOT IT! I know the song title! And yeah, it's totally gonna have to be a duet for us.
. . . . .
I spent all of last night writing lyrics while Rach worked with the club on the group song. I think it turned out pretty good for the most part (that rhyming dictionary Mr. S gave us sure came in handy!). I just needed Mr. Schue's opinion to be sure he's good with it… and we need to put the music together. In my head it's kinda slow, but not like, overly slow, more like a stadium anthem ballad – EPIC. And I can already hear Rachel's incredible soaring voice in my head for some of the lines. I can't wait to show this to her.
Anyway. Yeah, Mr. Schue LOVED what I wrote and thinks it's gonna be a BIG hit with the judges for the competition. He helped work out the instrumental arrangements and we got the sheet music almost all done in one day.
By dinner time, I asked Rachel to come with me and showed her what we had so far. We haven't talked any more about her promise ring freak out or our future yet, but that's okay because she's right, we need to stay focused on the competition right now. She loved the music then she had tears in her eyes and melted into a little puddle of mush when she really read the lyrics.
"Finn, this… this song is so amazing. And you wrote this all on your own…? You're a brilliant lyricist, I'm just SO proud of you! I knew you could do great things, but.. I just can't help wondering, where did all this emotion come from?"
I looked down at the floor and sorta shrugged at her. "I dunno. I guess from all the times I thought I was gonna lose you, like, forever. And y'know, since it worked out for regionals, I sorta copied your idea about going back through my journal and found this stuff I started writing when we were paused between the holidays. Y'know, after Thanksgiving when you were still so mad and not talking to me at all. Then I went back further into last year's stuff in my journal and found some things I wrote after you and me talked about the whole baby gate thing, and the first time you and me broke up, and then from when you were dating that jerk ." UGH I really hate thinking about that time.
She walked up to me and put her hand on my cheek to make me look at her. "Well... You wrote a beautiful song. And I love it. I love it so much. Listen, I… I know we still need to talk about us and I realize you're waiting for me to answer you about the promise ring, a-and I want to discuss it, I swear. I don't want you to feel like I'm rejecting you because I'm not – I love you, Finn. And yes, this competition is a priority right now, but I can see it in your face; you're hurt... please believe me, that's the last thing I want is for you to be hurt. I promise we'll talk soon, I just need a little more time to sort out what I wanna say... is that okay?"
"Yeah yeah, sure Rach, I understand. Take all the time you need." Maybe I shouldn't have sounded so depressed over this… but I can't help it that I sorta am more than a little bummed that she didn't react the way I hoped she would right away and that it's taking this long for her to say anything.
I guess the look on my face was giving away too much though, or maybe she was just picking up on my feelings the way I do with her because she kept watching me like she wanted to say something more.
"Finn… Do you think you're losing me now?"
"I… no. At least, I hope not."
"Because, Finn, I–"
"No, don't. It's okay, babe. We can talk about our stuff afterward… you're right, we need to focus on finishing this song. The team is counting on us, Mr. Schue is counting on us." I tried to smile and kissed her on the cheek.
She nodded and I saw that super-positive determined look hit her – professional mode . She started shuffling through the sheet music while heading over to the sound mixer. "Right, the team… Okay, yes, let's get this done together and prove to everyone how incomparable our leadership is! So, what do you want to work on first? I think we should start with the vocals."
"Yeah. Umm.. We should definitely work on our harmonies and stuff, plus we still need to figure out choreography, and I was kinda hoping you'd help with all that. And.. Oh! I almost forgot, Mr. Schue had an idea he thinks the judges would love. He said he'd leave the choreography mostly up to us but he thinks we need to do a 'stage kiss' is how he put it. Something quick and sweet at the very end of the song. He thinks it would be dramatic and answers the question in the lyrics about us getting our happy ending I s'pose? I dunno, whatever. He just sounded really into the idea of it though."
She kinda made a face and stared me down for a minute then giggled. "Finn, you know, a stage kiss is sort of difficult to pull off – especially for two people like us who are already so deeply romantically involved. I mean, I've at least had some acting classes along the way, so I know the basics, but even I have never tried to pull off a kiss like that in public yet. Do you think this is a good idea? Can you resist me enough to get it right?"
Then she winked at me and it was like the giant magnet between us turned back on because I was already feeling my legs walking me straight toward her. I wrapped my arms around her little waist and couldn't stop from pressing my body up against her. My dude brain must be back in control.
I just looked at her with a half-grin and said "Well, we can practice, right? Practice makes perfect after all." I felt her warm little hands slide up my chest as I slid my hands up her back and smiled as I leaned down to press my lips against hers. But my smile quickly fell into a frown as our lips barely touched when she pulled back in a hurry.
"Lesson number one, Finny: There can't be any romantic emotion in a chaste stage kiss! So that means no REAL feelings, no Finchel kisses, just.. Ugh, I don't know… pretend you're kissing your mom? Or Brittany or Mercedes?"
" Baaaaabe ! EW, no, not my MOM !"
She giggled and said "Well.. okay, maybe that was a poor suggestion… but now you understand what I mean, don't you? That can be your point of reference. Or, if it's too weird, maybe consider visualizing Coach Beiste or Sylvester."
I stared at her with an expressionless gaze and said in a flat tone, "You're just insane now, right? As if I would ever want to kiss either of them. Or even visualize kissing them. Or anyone else for that matter."
She smiled brightly and said "While that's very good to hear, it is also exactly the whole point, honey. It's all about acting . Your face needs to LOOK like you're interested, but inside, you don't really want to have to do it… hmmm.. OH! Think of it like when I get you to eat some of my tofu burgers. I know you don't really wanna do it, but I know you do it anyway because it makes me happy. Only… just, you can't make that same face on stage."
She was sniggering softly and rubbing my arm. Shit, so I guess she caught onto how much I think those tofruity burgers SUCK? Dammit, I thought I did a pretty good job faking it. (And yeah, those things are gross BTW and anything not made of real meat should definitely NOT be called a BURGER! It's like false advertising or something.)
"Fine. I'll picture eating fake TOFU burgers while kissing my mom . That's SUPER awesome, Rach. I'll have some kind of epidermis complex by the time we get back to Lima and never wanna be alone in a room with my mom again, but fine, whatever."
She went back to the piano and sat down. "I think you mean an Oedipus complex, baby. Oedipus is a Latin name, derived from ancient Greek mythology. He was a god written about by Homer. You should read that, I think you'd find it very interesting. But anyway, um, yeah, maybe you're right, maybe don't think about Carole like that at all… stick to the tofu burgers."
Well now she's just smirking at me, but she musta felt bad seeing me scowling and pouting 'cause then she said, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to freak you out about your mom. Just forget I said anything about it at all, okay? It was a bad suggestion. But we probably should practice NOT kissing the way we normally do."
It's been like, almost a whole day since we had any 'special alone time' as mom put it (and oh god, THANKS Rach, that octopus complex is gonna scar me for life now!) so practicing ANY kinda kissing with Rach is like, way better than nothing when you're in a drought like this. "Well I was trying to do that, but you like, cold-shouldered me to talk about 'chaste tofu mom kisses' … gross. You're no fun, but whatever."
Of course, I was only fake-pouting to make her feel guilty because hey, I just really needed some sweet hot kisses from my girl, okay? And when she's all in like, hyper-focused Rachel Berry mode she doesn't like to let us have makeout breaks very much (believe me, I try during basically every homework study session and I usually get shot down)... so I thought maybe if it was HER idea, I'd get different results. See, smart, right? ;)
Well it musta worked, 'cause she side-eyed me from the piano bench where she was sitting for a few seconds, then she walked over to me and wrapped her hands behind my neck to pull me down to her mouth and laid a toe-curling hot kiss on me that made my knees buckle. "Lesson number two. THIS was an example of how NOT to perform a stage kiss. See the difference?"
She musta really wanted a little makeout break too, though, 'cause she let me go back for seconds, and in between swirling tongues, I said "Mmmm… yeah that.. would be so.. totally not good. You taste delicious babe.., I might not be able to… control myself.. if we kissed like this on stage."
After a couple minutes, she started giggling, smacking my arm, and squeaking my name "Finn… Finn baby, FINN! " and then wiggled out of my embrace. "While I'd very much love to continue this particular um, rehearsal session, ah, I think we're getting a little sidetracked right now! Didn't you say we still have other things to work on tonight as well?"
Did I? Dammit. Okay wait wait… yeah, we were talking about important stupid glee stuff… uhh… I blew out a long breath to shake off that sexy Rachel brain fog thing that was taking over all my senses and tried to remember where we were…
Oh! Yeah, dancing .
"Right... Anyway. Uhh..yeah. Choreography. So, Mike, Tana, and Britt have their hands full with the group song, so I kinda thought you and me could just work this out together. Maybe we can do something simple, like we did for 'Don't Stop' and 'Faithfully'. Cool?"
She sighed and finally turned her gorgeous eyes back up to smile at me. "Yeah, very cool. Sounds perfect."
. . . . .
WHEN THE LIGHTS GO DOWN IN THE CITY.
We were working on our song til long after midnight. Rachel helped fine-tune a few of the lyrics, we worked out the harmonies perfectly (as usual) and which of us was singing which parts, plus we got most of the choreography worked out – well, if you can call it that. We decided to keep the 'dancing' pretty simple anyway, because it's kind of an intense song and Rachel has a LOT of big notes to hit (and yeah ok, I still suck at dancing), so it's not so much dancing as it is stalking circles around each other. Sorta like what we did for 'Faithfully' – but she had some MEGA big notes in that one too, so… choreography wasn't important because the song shined on the vocals alone. Oof .. except we lost that year's regionals… shit. I hope this isn't a jinx!
Anyway. Everyone else was already back in their assigned rooms by then, and the theater's music guys that were working with us left hours ago. So it was just me and Rach, alone. But Rach didn't seem ready to go to sleep yet and I wasn't ready to say goodnight to her either. In fact, she seemed a little jittery and keyed up still. It was bothering me to see her like that. I know we had a really long day, but she's too tense.
I curled up a full dimpled smile and said "Hey, I heard this hotel has a pretty awesome indoor swimming pool with a jacuzzi and a sauna… you wanna go check it out?"
She was biting her bottom lip (and driving me INSANE). "Won't we get in trouble for sneaking around so late? It's already well past curfew." She was sorta wringing her hands and shifting her weight on her heels – I know this routine, the 'but Finn, I don't wanna get in trouble' dance.
"Well, I don't see how anyone will ever know… Mr. Schue said he was taking a sleeping pill tonight because of a pretty bad headache from all the stress of the day, so he should be out cold. And I'm rooming with Puck and Mike, so I know they aren't gonna say anything, well, not to Mr Schue anyway. You worried Cedes or Kurt will tattle?"
"Well, no… but, I... I don't have my swimsuit."
I smiled at her and winked. "Me neither. Who says we need swimsuits?"
I think she's finally catching my drift, 'cause that devilish look came over her pretty face again. "Okay, let's go. But just a quick detour before we go back to our rooms... We really should get some sleep tonight too!"
. . . . .
We found the pool room pretty easily, and since it's so late at night the hallways were all deserted. It'd prob'ly be a little creepy if this place was in Lima; some of the carpets and wallpaper reminds me of ' The Shining' a little bit… but I've got Rach's hand in mine and there's nothing scary here tonight.
When we got into the pool area, all the lights were off except for some safety lights on the pool steps under the water and in a couple of doorways. "How 'bout a quick swim, then warm back up in the jacuzzi?"
"Okay… but um, just as long as you're not having any weird flashbacks to last year and a hot tub ." She kinda bit her lip and giggled softly.
Ugh! It's never gonna stop following me, is it? "No baby. That's the farthest stuff from my mind right now." I pulled her into my arms and started kissing her neck. "Right now it's just you [kiss] and me [kiss] all alone [kiss] with nobody around to bother us…" I was peeling her clothes off while I was, um, busy . I finally got her down to her bra and panties… oh god she's so sexy and Little Finn was veeeery happy to see her! But then she was making a concerned face at me with her brows all pinched together. "What's wrong babe?"
Then her expression changed just enough to clue me in… She looked up at me from under hooded eyes and spoke really low and sexy-like. "Hmm. I think you're wearing too many clothes, Mr. Hudson. That's not fair. But I think I can remedy that." I was pulling off my shirt as she reached for my belt... and then my mouth went totally dry. She practically purred at me "I need you out of these pants mister. Like right now."
Rachel Berry, Sex Goddess. Who knew?
Soo.. she was worried that the chlorine from the pool might ruin her purple panties and bra – they're her favorite set (and mine too, so far!) so it was a pretty simple decision to make. Nothing wrong with skinny dipping, right? :-D
I did a cannonball jump into the deep end. The water was 10ft at the deepest point and 4ft at the shallow end. So Rach slowly stepped down the steps into the shallow end, y'know, 'cause she's so little. I swam over to her and she was chattering her teeth a little bit by the time I got there.
"You cold already baby?"
"N-n-no, j-just ge-getting used t-to the w-water temper-r-rature." And THAT is why you should just cannonball into the pool. But… I can at least make this work to my advantage… ;)
"C'mere, I'll keep you warm." I wrapped my arms around her, and her arms and legs automatically wrapped around me. Tightly. Like WAY tight, I almost couldn't breathe. I pushed off backwards doing the backstroke and floated us off toward the deep end of the pool.
"Finn-nn, where are y-you going? You know-w I can't s-swim very well!"
I grinned at her and said in a husky voice, "Don't worry love, I got ya, I'll never let anything bad happen to you. Do you trust me?"
"Well of c-c-course I do, I'm.. just-t sc-scared on th-that end of the p-pool. Wh-what if-f-f you get a cr-cramp or something-g-g?"
Wow, she's really tensing up and chattering so hard her teeth are gonna break. "Baby, I won't. You worry too much," I chuckled at her and tapped the end of her nose. "In fact, I think you need to just relax . And uh, I can think of an easy way for you to do that…" I'm sure my grin stretched so big it coulda split my face in two.
"Oh? And j-just how do you pr-propos-s-se to make me r-r-relax?"
I walked us over to the edge so she could be against the wall and feel a little safer. We were still in the middle part of the pool where it had to be a little over 5 ½ feet deep, but I could still stand up with my head and neck above water while enjoying a little taste of swimming pool-flavored Rachel.
"Mmm…" I murmured against the soft skin of her neck between hot kisses "I can think of a few ways…" Oh man. Her naked chest rubbing against mine was making me CRAZY. The water must be really cold for her, that's all I'm gonna say. Time to turn up the heat a little ;)
I started trailing my hands across her chest, down her sides then along her thighs that were still wrapped around my waist and then... yeah… found just the spot I was looking for.
"OOO F-f-finn! That.. hmmm.. f-feeels.. sooo ni-ice …" I like this idea of being in the pool. 'Cause I can use BOTH hands and keep tasting her all at the same time. It was freakin' AWESOME! It didn't take very long before she was practicing her high F note either :-D (Actually, I'm pretty sure she ran the whole music scale – major AND minor – moaning and screaming my name… she's such a multi-tasker).
After about 20 minutes in the pool we moved to the jacuzzi to get warm again. She sat her naked body in my naked lap and uh, well at first it was a little awkward and kind of a challenge to NOT have any hot tub flashbacks … but Rach made sure I wasn't leaving here with those same old memories. She said I needed NEW memories to help get rid of the bad ones of the past. And oh my GOD not only have I forgotten those past memories, but I think I forgot my name for a little while too! (Did I mention how unfuckingbelievable it is to have a girlfriend with NO gag reflex?)
. . . . .
By the time we were dried and dressed, we both felt much more relaxed. We sat curled up together on a chaise lounge for a few minutes and just cuddled a while in comfortable silence. After a few minutes, she broke it.
"I'm nervous, Finn."
"Why babe? I mean we have a couple of super awesome original songs that are gonna knock the socks off these New York judges... I think we really have a shot at winning – or at least making the top 10."
Her voice was soft and a little shaky. "I agree.. But no, honey, I'm not terribly nervous about Nationals. It's about the future. I love this city so much and I've dreamed about being here for as long as I can remember."
We were kinda spooning and she was using my arm as a pillow. I was sweeping my fingers gently in circles across her hip and backside with one hand and stroking her damp hair away from her neck with the other, where I placed a soft kiss. "And you're gonna be here, full time, winning over audience after audience on Broadway someday. And you're gonna get that Tony Award too. Lots of 'em. So what's got you so nervous, Rach?"
"You really think so, Finn? You really believe I'm that good?"
"Would I lie to you?" I kissed the top of her head and tightened my grip around her. "Baby, Kurt has been tormenting me with all the big Broadway soundtracks for almost a year now. I've heard the supposed best that Broadway has to offer – like the past five years worth. You know what? You're BETTER than any of them. So yeah, I don't just think it, I KNOW you're gonna have everything you ever dreamed of here. I see the future like that."
She turned to face me and finally beamed my favorite pearly megawatt smile at me with a few unshed tears still clinging to her lashes while she stroked my hair. "You're amazing, Finn. You always know the right things to say, just when I need to hear them the most. I love you so much, baby… I never thought in a million years I'd ever feel like this AND have someone love me back like this… like the way you love me. It scares me sometimes."
"Why babe?"
"Because Finn, I feel like you almost have too much power over me. You hold my heart in your hands and… what if... What if you'd ever want to let it go? How could I survive that? I mean, you don't know what will happ–"
I pressed my index finger to her lips. "Stop that crazy talk Rach. I'm glad I'm holding your heart 'cause I know it'll be safe there – and it's only fair since you're holding mine. And no, there's no give-backs. I'm never giving yours back and I don't want mine back from you either. There's nothin' to worry over 'cause we're equal. So. There it is. I love you too much too, babe, and I never wanna be apart from you. Like, ever ."
She got super quiet again for a minute and I could see and feel the tension mounting in her shoulders again. "But.. but I'm moving to New York after high school... and I'm probably never coming back. You know that right?"
"Sure I do… And?"
" And? Well, Finn, how can we not be apart if I'm here and you're… well, you'll be…"
I looked deep into those stunning espresso eyes… "I'll be right here with you, Rach."
I get it now. THIS is what she's actually been upset about, what she was afraid to talk about since our lunch date. It's prob'ly why she freaked out about the ring too.
She sat up so fast to pounce on me that we almost fell off the lounge chair. "Wha– y-you will ? Really ? You'd wanna come to New York with me?"
"Well yeah. 'Course I will. I mean, I don't have all the details figured out yet – hell, I don't even know what I wanna do after we graduate. But I DO know if I can't see you, talk to you, or touch you every day, I won't have much of a future worth worrying about. Unless… unless you don't want me to be here with you…? Is that what you're–"
"NO! No no, that's not… oh gosh Finn... Yes! Yes of course I'd love for you to be here with me! In fact, I've been wishing for it for a long time now... I guess I just never expected you to want to come to New York! I mean, it's a big change for you, you know?"
"Rachel," I sat up with her straddling my lap to lock eyes with her while stroking her hair back from her sweet face. "Get it in your crazy, beautiful head, and hear me when I say this… Wherever you are is where I wanna be. If that's New York, Chicago, LA, London… some podunk midwestern town, or even a gator-filled swamp, doesn't matter. I'd follow you anywhere ... to the ends of the earth and back if I had to."
Now she was actually shedding those tears, big fat drippy ones. "You promise?"
I think I finally understand the meaning of the word IRONIC. I had to laugh. "Yes baby, I promise … in fact I was even trying to seal it with a RING … but then some over-dramatic little diva I know just had to have a total freak out episode on me and not let me finish explaining everything."
She pulled out her bashful face and sorta curled one shoulder up – she's just cute as hell. "Oh? Gee, I wonder who could've possibly reacted so foolishly! Silly girl, huh?"
Then I laughed so hard that we DID fall off the lounge. And then I kissed the hell out of her. "You make me crazy woman, you know that?"
She let one of those perfect giggles loose and it was like a symphony in my ears echoing off the water in this cavernous room. "Well, I might be a diva, and I may even drive you crazy sometimes, but at least we'll never have a dull relationship, Finny. And admit it, you love me for it."
She was hovering over top of me while I brushed the damp bangs back from her forehead, dragging the longer strands behind her ear and planted a soft kiss on her hairline. "Yeah. I sure do. For that and so sooo much more."
She yawned a little just then. "It's late, baby... We need to get some rest. You ready to go up?"
"Hmm. Almost." I sat up and dug around in my jeans pocket to find it. "So, does this mean you're actually gonna wear this now?"
I opened the little box and pulled the ring out and held it up for her to see. She bit her bottom lip and let a few more tears slide down her gorgeous cheeks. She nodded yes and held her left hand out so I could slide it on her delicate little ring finger. Perfect fit (thank you KURT HUMMEL)! Then she squealed and threw her arms around my neck and peppered my face with kisses.
"It's SO beautiful Finn! I love it, and I love YOU. And I promise the same, to always love you no matter what. Thank you thank you thank you! I'm so sorry I freaked out before, I was just scared because I thought you'd be hurt knowing I was leaving after high school and I didn't think you'd–"
I finally had to catch her lips and kiss some shut-up into that sweet mouth of hers. I know what she thought. She thought WRONG, of course.
"Soulmates, baby. We're tethered. You're never getting rid of me now… just try to remember that from now on, 'kay?"
"Okay, I will, I promise baby… I love you, Finn Hudson."
"And I love you, Rachel Berry Hudson."
She immediately went slack-jawed and quirked an eyebrow at me and I sent her a full-dimpled wide grin. "Hey, I was just trying it out for size… training wheels remember?" Then I winked at her.
She giggled into another kiss… yeah, we're definitely NOT getting any sleep tonight!
. . . . .
SHOWTIME! (WTH - MR. SCHUE SUCKS!)
This is it. The big day. Oh god, I swear I'm sweatin' bullets. I can't even believe we made it to this point. I can't believe I'm about to go sing a song I WROTE in front of all these people. Shit, I hope it doesn't suck.
We busted our asses to get here though, and yeah we're up against some really stiff competition – but this is the big leagues. On one hand, I'm sorta used to this feeling thanks to football, but on the other, it's a totally different kinda competition and a different crowd. And also, yeah, it's NEW YORK CITY. I've never thought I was NYC good, not the way Rach is. I barely consider myself Lima good…
But then, I look at that little brunette angel standing about 50 feet across the stage from me waiting for this curtain to go up and SHE believes in me with her whole heart. She sees something in me that maybe I don't see in myself yet. She tells me I'm special, better than anyone else, that I'm a natural leader, that I can do anything. And Rachel doesn't lie. Could she be a little biased? Yeah, maybe… but she'd kick my ass if I wasn't all the things she already thinks I am, right?
Nope. Just can't go out there without one more thing… She saw me coming as I walked over toward her and met me halfway.
"Break a leg" she smiled at me with that glowing twinkle in her eyes, so full of excitement and love and DAMMIT she's so dazzlin' I'm forgetting to breathe again.
"I love you," I smiled back at her then grabbed her in a tight embrace and kissed all the nerves outta me. And yeah, it doesn't hurt that I was having the same flashbacks you prob'ly are (and BTW, I still maintain those judges were tone fucking DEAF that night).
"We need to get back to our places Finn.. curtain's about to go up any second."
"I know, just one more… for luck, Mrs Hudson."
"You're crazy, you know that Finn?" she giggled into a quick kiss which she promptly pulled back from before it got any deeper.
"Nuh-uh… you're crazy if you think I'm not gonna marry you someday." She just stood in kind of a stupor staring deep into my eyes with a soft smile, biting that damn lip. UGH!
Then the stage hand called 10 seconds to curtain and she hurried back to her spot and I did the same just as it was GO TIME.
Face-to-face and heart-to-heart
We're so close, yet so far apart
I close my eyes, I look away
That's just because I'm not okay
But I hold on, I stay strong, wondering if we still belong
We'd started the song on opposite sides of the stage, slowly walking toward each other. By this point we'd closed the distance between us and met at center stage, and it was all I could do not to just grab her into my arms. I saw the same thought reflected back to me from her eyes.
Will we ever say the words we're feeling?
Reach down underneath it, Tear down all the walls
Will we ever have a happy ending
Or will we forever only be pretending?
Will we a-al, a-al-ways, a-al, a-al-ways,
A-al-ways be… pretending?
How long do I fantasize, Make believe that it's still alive
Imagine that I am good enough
And we can choose the ones we love
But I hold on I stay strong, wondering if we still belong
Will we ever say the words we're feeling?
Reach down underneath it, Tear down all the walls
Will we ever have a happy ending
Or will we forever only be pretending
Will we a-al, a-al-ways, a-al, a-al-ways,
A-al-ways be
Keeping secrets safe, Every move we make
Seems like no one's letting go
And it's such a shame, 'Cause if you feel the same
How am I supposed to know?
We were making our third trip across the stage, circling around each other, and it was getting harder and harder not to just reach out and touch her. Then she hit that giant roof-raising note on 'KNOW' and I could feel that electric crackle in the atmosphere around us, and it got stronger and more deadly the closer we got to one another.
Will we ever say the words we're feeling
Reach down underneath it
Tear down all the walls (Tear down all the walls)
Will we ever have a happy ending?
Or will we forever only be pretending? (Only be pretending)
Will we a-al, a-al-ways, a-al, a-al-ways, a-al-ways be
A-al-ways be…. pretending?
Pretending…
The plan was for us to end the song at center stage, facing each other just a few inches apart, then a quick kiss and head up to take our places on the risers with the rest of the club. That was the plan – Mr. Schue's plan.
But things don't always go according to plan.
All through the performance, so many thoughts had been flooding my brain that I guess my voice had just been running on autopilot, belting out the words (and I really hope I least got them right; it'd be pretty embarrassing otherwise, considering I wrote them).
With every line, a kaleidoscope of images flashed in my head… Our first glee club, first kiss, first bowling date, our break up, the pause, our reunion, prom, our NYC date, and the promise ring… then a flash forward spun through my head like a cyclone. A diamond ring and a white dress and little chubby-cheeked kids that looked the perfect blend of me and Rachel. I saw her, all round and pregnant and more beautiful than I ever thought possible accepting her Tony Award, then I was walking our daughter down the aisle at HER wedding. It was just this overload of RACHEL.
In that last couple of seconds at the end of the song, we were locked on each other's eyes with laser focus and I felt everything she was feeling. I don't know if she saw exactly what I did, but I could tell she saw something. In that moment I needed her too much, and she needed me, it was all over her face; the magnet was too powerful.
I guess Mr. Schue couldn't have predicted the Finchel Factor and what this song was gonna mean to us singing on that stage. He obviously doesn't know how much our relationship has evolved recently, or he'd have never asked us to slip in a 'quick stage kiss'.
That crackle in the atmosphere went atomic the moment our lips met. My hands automatically tangled up into her hair, cradling her face, and her hands were gripping my shoulders like she might slip right off the earth if she didn't stay grounded to me. We just got lost in the kiss… for a long time. The auditorium and all the people in it just faded away to nothingness. It was just me and Rachel, tethered in the kiss of the century… the SUPERMAN of kisses!
Then I heard the first clap from the audience pierce the secret bubble we were floating in and we crashed back down from the stratosphere. A wave of panic washed over me as I remembered where we were. SHIT. We really weren't supposed to do THAT… but Rachel just smiled at me and took my hand as we darted up the risers to take our spots for the group song. (I didn't miss it when Puck made a 'dude, what the fuck' face at me either. Crap… there might be hell to pay for this later.)
. . . . .
We called the group song 'Light Up the World', and that's precisely what we did. It was uh, FREAKING AWESOME!
Hey-hey-hey you and me Keep on dancin' in the dark
It's been tearin' me apart Never knowin' what we are
Hey-hey-hey you and me Keep on tryin' to play it cool
Now it's time to make a move And that's what I'm gonna do
Lay it all down (All down) Got somethin' to say
Lay it all down (All down) Throw your doubt away
Do or die now (Die now) Step onto the plate
Blow the door wide open like up Up and away
Let's light up the world toni-i-ight
You gotta give up the bark and bi-i-ite
I know that we got the love alri-i-ight
Come on and li-li-light it up, light it up tonight
Let's light up the world toni-i-ight
You gotta give up the bark and bi-i-ite
I know that we got the love alri-i-ight
Come on and li-li-light it up, light it up tonight
Hey-hey-hey you and me Turn it up ten thousand watts
Tell me why we gotta stop I just want to let it rock
Hey-hey-hey you and me Keep on tearin' at the road
Like we don't know where to go Step back, let me take control
Lay it all down (All down) Got somethin' to say
Lay it all down (All down) Throw your doubt away
Do or die now (Die now) Step onto the plate
Blow the door wide open like up Up and away
Let's light up the world toni-i-ight
You gotta give up the bark and bi-i-ite
I know that we got the love alri-i-ight
Come on and li-li-light it up, light it up tonight
As we performed, there was SO much energy in the room it was bouncing off the rafters. The choreography was the best we'd ever done in any competition to date, and everyone sounded amazing. The audience went nuts when we finished and I thought for sure we nailed the top 10.
I was really hoping nobody was gonna have anything to say about that momentary PDA mishap… but man was I wrong.
TWELFTH PLACE?
Crap.
Crap crap SHIT! crap. This might be our fault.., no – MY fault. I shoulda thought about dead puppies and kittens or stuck to tofu burgers or something. I shouldn't have looked straight into Rach's eyes like I did; it's way too easy for me to get lost in there... But like, I just physically can't help it. It just happens.
. . . . .
NO REGRETS, DAMMIT!
Afterwards, back in the hotel room, it was a real shitshow. We were all together in the room and it's pretty clear – the club is totally bummed, super sad, and yeah, super-sized PISSED.
I guess that new coach for Vocal Adrenaline, Dustin Ghostface or whatever his name is, he told Mr. Schue the kiss cost us, big . He thought our songs were stellar and we shoulda prob'ly been in the top 10 easily, maybe even top 5 – but he said the kiss was 'unprofessional, too personal and intense, that the judges likely considered it common and vulgar' . (Well screw you anyway, Ghostface! Go back to Woodsboro – and take that hands-y rape-y weasel-faced St Dickhead with you while you're headed that way!)
I mean, look I don't know if all that's all true or just his opinion, but um, yeah… we are going home tomorrow instead of performing for a shot at the win, so… Yeah. I guess we screwed up. I let us screw up. Still, he didn't need to be a smug asshole. Must be something in the water at Carmel High?
. . . . .
When Rachel learned about the loss, she took it kinda hard at first, but then she looked at me and smiled with so much love, laced her fingers with mine and squeezed my hand tight. I thought for sure she'd be pissed at me because y'know, it was me that cost us the competition. Nope… she musta been still sorta floating on the same cloud as she was on that stage.
Santana, on the other hand, was out for blood. From both of us. It seriously took Mike, Sam and the blonde psycho to hold her back from like, possibly going all Lima Heights Adjacent on us. I know she's a hot-tempered Latina (which is a super nice way of saying she can be a total bitch ) but I really didn't know she knew THAT MUCH Spanish to cuss at us with!
Finally, Mr. Schue stepped in. Even though he totally didn't ask for what we delivered, I assumed he was gonna try to use his calming influence to save the day and chill out everyone in the room.
But NO, that's not even a little bit what he did!
"Finn, Rachel, I'm really disappointed in you both. Rachel, you especially. You're aspiring to be an actress on Broadway and I expected more professionalism from you than this. You guys really let yourselves and the team down."
What?
I was seeing red when he dumped on Rach like that. I just looked at Mr. Schue with a new set of eyes at that moment. Like, what the hell ? Why's he throwing us so far under the bus? Was he forgetting this kiss was even HIS idea to begin with?
And Rachel has ALWAYS taught me – and the whole club – about being professional . She's spent like, YEARS going on about stage etiquette and what it takes to impress judges… Although, it's true she didn't even really question his kiss idea when I told her about it… well, except as to whether we could pull it off properly (and okay, yeah, maybe we shoulda BOTH known the answer would be NO).
"Hey! Mr. Schue, that, that's, that's BULLSHIT !"
Rach gasped and squeaked out "Finn!" and reached for my arm.
"Nah, no, no way babe… he's the one that wanted this kiss in the act in the first place, and yeah, we got carried away or whatever, but it wasn't totally our fault! And he really doesn't need to lay all the blame on you either!"
Mr. Schue started nervously coughing, choking out the words. "Finn, look, I'm not sure what you mean, but y-you guys really shouldn't have gotten that carried away on a Nationals competition stage like that. I just hope this experience is something you both learn from and take back to the choir room with you when we start working on next year's competitions."
What. The. Fuck.
I wanted to keep screaming (and we all know how my temper gets away from me sometimes) but one, he's my TEACHER and yeah, I could really get in big trouble – which Rach would be totally pissed about. And two, I think I was scaring Rachel a little bit. I let my fury and rage get to me too much, but three, I think it was mostly a cover for my own humiliation. I mean yeah, it's partly his fault, but it's like, mostly mine.
So yeah, I know this was on me. And I could feel everyone in the room staring holes through me so it started to feel like what happened before last year's sectionals, the whole babygate mess. I just needed outta there before I really snapped on Mr. Schue the way I did on Puck last year, so I ran out of the hotel room and went back to our rehearsal space.
It didn't take long for her to find me there though... Guess she feels that tether, too.
"Finn? Baby, why are you hiding in here?"
I sighed with my head in my hands. Then I looked up and started begging for her forgiveness immediately. "Rach I'm so sorry… This was on me. I failed as a co-captain, I failed as a teammate, I - I failed you . And now, everyone hates me. You should be more pissed at me than anyone else. I screwed up. I'm humiliated. And we worked so hard for everything. And I was supposed to be this big-shot leader holding everyone together, and I blew it. Cost us the championship."
She sat down next to me and wrapped a warm little hand around my forearm. "Finn, hey.. sweetie don't be so hard on yourself. Being an artist is about expressing your true feelings in the moment, no matter what the consequences. What were you feeling in that moment?"
"That I loved you, that I could see our future together flashing before my eyes. And that I would have done or given anything to kiss you right then."
"So you did. You know, you gave it all up for one kiss. Was it worth it?"
"Yeah. What about you? Was it worth it for you?"
"Yeah. 'Cause I know in my heart we'll have another shot at nationals. And listen, this is NOT all on you baby. I couldn't resist either. We're a team, remember , you and me? …or, tethered, as I think someone called it? We win together, and yeah, sometimes we lose together. We just didn't have enough practice at stage kissing I guess for it to become muscle memory. But then, I don't think it would've mattered; that song and our feelings combined, it was just too powerful. And yes , I'm disappointed and just a little angry with the judges , but I understand and respect their decision. So… We'll just, hold our heads high, learn from our misstep and move forward, trying to get it right like we've always done, no matter what ANYONE says."
I love this girl so much. She really is too good to me. Too good to be true sometimes.
And okay, maybe everyone is pissed about the loss – including Mr. Schue (which, uhh, he and I need to have a serious talk when we get back home!), but hey, Sunshine and V-A kicked ass hard today too, so even if we made the top 10 or even top 5, there's no guarantee we'd have won anyway.
{{SIGH}} Yeah, I know, we still woulda all liked at least the chance to win, and the two of us took that away from everyone else… but like Rachel told them all, there's always next year. (Assuming our team lets us live that long and doesn't exile us!)
. . . . .
THE PART WHERE RACHEL TRIED TO GET ME KILLED.
When we got back to Lima after a LONG silent plane ride (and a LOT of dirty looks being passed our way – especially from Santana), we were both exhausted. Rachel's dads were away for work again so I stayed with her the first night back, but they were due home the next day so we couldn't just lay around in bed all day like I hoped. :(
We may have been super tired, but that didn't stop us from a seriously hot night of loving each other to sleep. I could totally get used to this, like EVERY night. ;)
The next morning I woke up to the smell of bacon and eggs and really thought I was still dreaming when I opened my eyes to see a naked Rachel sitting next to me on the bed, holding a full plate of breakfast for me. I literally pinched myself to be sure it wasn't that A-MA-ZING fantasy dream I'd been having since last year… but nope, it was totally real!
"Finn baby, we only have about two hours before my dads get home. So I need you to eat up quickly and regain some energy. We need to make the most of our time, and I have plans for you when you're finished."
DAMN she's all kinds of super HOTTT . "Uhh.. food…? Nnnno. Not what I'm hungry for at this moment."
"But your eggs are getting cold honey… and I worked so hard to make them for you." She pouted as I pulled the plate from her grasp and set it on the nightstand, then crawled on top of her.
I smirked at her then began kissing my way from her neck down past her belly. "There's a microwave downstairs," I mumbled against her soft skin.
She giggled and I went from a semi to fully hard in an instant. That's all it takes from her, y'know? She doesn't even have to touch me. 'Course, it helped a little that she brought me food. And was completely naked. I have the BEST girlfriend on EARTH! ;)
. . . . .
An hour later we were showered (and that was another fun new first experience together, too!) and dressed, curled up in front of the TV in the living room when her dads came home.
It took exactly ten seconds once they got inside for them to ask about Nationals. They were disappointed for us, yeah, but they were also proud of us for getting to that level so quickly after just two years of trying, considering we were a brand new club last year.
Her daddy Leroy was the first one to catch the sparkle on her hand as she explained what happened.
"Stop. Wait. Rachel? What's this on your hand? Let me see."
{{GULP}} I REALLY wish I knew where the HELL I can get those custom Kevlar boxers made? I'm a dead man.
"OH! Finn gave it to me in New York, Daddy! Isn't it beautiful? It's a promise ring." She announced it so proudly, holding her hand out to show both dads. She was beaming her big gorgeous glowing smile that made my heart skip a beat, which honestly, wouldn't be the worst last thing to see on this earth before her dads KILL ME.
" Promise ring? A promise of WHAT , exactly?" Now daddy Leroy's turning his VOODOO DAD x-ray vision on me . pleasedontkillme pleasedontkillme
Rachel started to answer him, but I stopped her. "Sir, I-I think maybe I owe you an apology for not discussing this with you first, but I hope you know how much I love your daughter by now."
Daddy Leroy really wasn't backing off his 'terrify the quarterback into a heart attack' routine, not one little bit. "Yes Finn, we have at least some inkling… but what, pray tell , exactly is this ring about, hmm?"
"Well sir, I just felt like I needed to make Rachel understand how much she means to me. It's a promise for the future. Because you see sir, we love each other and, um… see, after we graduate, I know Rach is planning to be in NYC, and well, I, I'm… I'm going with her. We don't have everything worked out yet, I mean like, I still need to make my plans for New York, but my future is… my future… OUR future is going to be staying together, somehow... sir."
He just glared at me. I could almost see the laser beams shooting out of his eyes, trying to cut me in two. Thankfully Hiram jumped in, and I was never more grateful for all those scary and embarrassing dad chats with him til now.
"Well Finn, that's just a lovely sentiment. And yes yes, we are so very aware of how you two feel about one another, and the ring really is truly beautiful – and very much Rachel's style, I might add. But, just so we're clear, this is NOT an engagement ring, correct?"
"OH, NO! Uhh, n-no sir Mr Ber– Hiram , I wouldn't dream of proposing without asking your permission first – o-OR while we're still juniors in high school for that matter! No, uh.. I think that's what Rach kinda thought at first too, but no. It's just a symbol of my feelings, and my promise to always be true to her, to love her, respect her and take care of her the best I can, for as long as she'll have me. Maybe longer. To always be there for her in her life, however she needs me to be. She means the world to me, and I'm pretty sure I mean the same to her."
Rachel wrapped herself around my side and hugged my waist tight at that point with tears streaming down her cheeks and the biggest smile. She whispered to me "You do, Finny. I love you so much."
"So.. NOT an engagement ring then." Leroy said the words very slowly and deliberately, almost like they were poison.
"No Sir, Mr. Berry sir, I - I–"
Papa Hiram sorta mumbled under his breath to me "Finn, breathe son. You're not in any trouble, nor in any danger." Then he sorta glared at his husband " Leroy was just clarifying the nature and purpose of this very extravagant-looking trinket." Hiram saved my ass right there, I think. I hope.
"Papa, Daddy, leave Finn alone. I love him and he loves me. He makes me happy. You want me to be happy, don't you?"
Leroy was the first to respond. "Of course we do, princess, but we also don't want to see your future career plans disrupted over puppy love."
Well now she's mad.
" DADDY! That's NOT appropriate to say at ALL! Finn is not some, some random crush or passing phase… and I would like to think by now you'd know that! I love him, with all my heart and every fiber of my being… He is my soulmate . And in case you haven't pieced it together yet – despite the deeply affectionate words that I continually use when I speak about him in front of you – I believe I WILL be marrying him someday. He will become your son-in-law eventually… so please, be nice to him daddy. Papa, say something?!"
She said the words! For real! She really wants to marry me someday! The smile on my face and the swell in my heart is just SO BIG right now… I can't believe she finally said it out loud – ugh... TO HER DADS… both of them… geez, I really hope I live long enough for that to happen now, 'cause it really feels like she's trying to get me murdered in this house tonight.
"Leroy, Finn and I have had several talks now – you know this, I've told you all about them… He's a good boy. He's owned his past mistakes and made up for them. He's grown up quite a bit. He's good to our Little Star, and I believe his heart is pure. He wants what we all want for her – to see her achieve her dreams on Broadway. I do not believe him to be a threat nor a hindrance in her meeting her objectives. And since Rachel has forgiven him, loves and accepts him with her whole heart, do you really want to risk driving a rift between us and losing her ? I think you should bury the hatchet with him, sooner than later."
UGH, did he have to use THOSE specific words? 'Cause I gotta be honest, I'm a little terrified thinking about WHERE he'd like to bury that hatchet!
I looked Daddy Leroy in the eyes. "Mr. Berry sir, I really do honestly love Rachel. Like, the forever kind of love. Not some school kid crush thing. And, um, I expect you might still be upset with some of the dumb mistakes I've made with her in the past, but I was kinda hoping that if Rach could let me make things up to her and find it in her heart to forgive me, well, maybe you could too?"
He walked over to me with his arms folded across his chest and just stared me in the eye for the longest time – and I should mention he's almost as tall as me and more muscular too, so yeah, he scares me a little. Or maybe a LOT. "Okay Finn Hudson. Perhaps you're right. Perhaps if Rachel can accept that you're a man of honor, then perhaps we shouldn't be so judgmental. But what assurances do we have that you won't break her heart again as cruelly as you have in the past? Our baby girl means everything to us, as do her future career goals. What assurances do we have that you won't become a distraction that actually prevents her from following and reaching her full potential?"
"Sir, I can only tell you that, well, I think I've grown up a lot since I met Rachel. Probably a big part of that is because of her. When she first came into my life, it was like an earthquake rocked my world. She was intense and fierce and unlike ANYONE I'd ever met. And yeah, it scared the cr– I mean, it freaked me out a lot, because she had all these feelings, and she made me start feeling things too, things that, well, I didn't understand what it all meant at the time. But I know my heart better now, and Rach and I now understand how we both feel about each other. She's my best friend. And um, well, couples fight sometimes, right? Even the best, most loving ones? So, I guess I can't promise I'll never hurt her again, just like she'll probably hurt me sometimes too, but I can promise it wouldn't ever be on purpose. And I can promise I'll always try to make it up to her because forever is a long time to be mad at the one person you love most in the world. And as for her Broadway dreams, well, I want them for her as much as she does. She deserves it because she already is the brightest star in the world, as far as I'm concerned."
He stared at me a long beat before saying anything. "Well, that's a very mature and insightful explanation. So I suppose as long as you're not defiling our daughter and impregnating her, thereby derailing her entire future…"
"DADDY STOP!" Rachel gasped. "Please don't threaten or try to scare Finn! And for your information, whatever we do in private is frankly not ANY of your business anyway!"
Oh hell. WHY Rach? I thought you LIKED all my parts staying attached to my body?
"Young lady, for as long as you live under our roof, everything concerning you is our business. So, are you saying you two have already taken that step? What exactly sparked this sudden need for a PROMISE anyway?" His voodoo-dad x-ray eyes were turning back to me again and I moved behind Rach by this point. Then, uhh, I sorta wondered if there was such a thing as a reverse hard-on and if so, how could I make one happen, like, immediately .
Hiram gave me some weird look, then I guess caught onto my nervousness, 'cause he moved closer to me and put a hand on my shoulder. "Finn, I'm pretty sure I know what your intentions with Rachel are, and it seems your heart is in the right place." Then he got close and mumbled from the corner of his mouth so only I could hear. "Although, I did try to warn you about keeping it in your pants, son… Remember our chat about where she gets her flair for the dramatic? " He sorta used his eyes to motion in the direction of Leroy, then patted my shoulder and sighed. "Remain steadfast. Stand your ground, young Mr. Hudson. You're doing just fine ."
But Rachel was fuming. "As I said before, whether we have or have not had relations is simply NOT any of your business! But I will say, if we have, it would be in a mature and responsible manner between two people who love, trust, and respect one another completely. Now, I simply won't stand for any more harassment or bullying of Finn by you, Daddy. Frankly, you should be ashamed of yourself! Hurting Finn is the same as hurting me. We will be going to his house now for a while. I'll be home only AFTER you've cooled off and come to your better senses about the proper way to treat your present AND future family!"
See, Rachel doesn't just have a way of getting what she wants with me ; she's been practicing her skills with her dads her whole life. Maybe that's the one advantage of her having two dads and being an only child ( the only Berry on her family tree … Geez. why the hell did that have to pop into my head NOW? I just hope I can leave this house with my own berries still attached to my tree after this conversation).
Then my brain caught up to my ears and realized what Rach just said. I snapped my head up from where I'd been staring at my feet, then peeked down at her. "We are?"
"Yes Finn, we are. Do you have everything? I'm just going to get my shoes and purse. I'll be ready to leave momentarily. I think perhaps I'll pack a quick overnight bag, just in case. " She glared at her daddy Leroy and marched up the stairs to her room in true Rachel Berry storm-out fashion.
Aw babe, why are you leaving me here in the lion's den ALONE? But crap, it might be all kinds of worse if I followed her up there, so I decided the safest play was to wait for her in the truck. Y'know, get outta there while I was still all in one piece.
"Uhh, Mr B– Hiram, it was really nice to see you again, and um, Mr Berry sir, you too… I'm just gonna be waiting for Rachel outside. And again, I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about the ring first, but… When I look at her, I see our future together. She says the same about me. We love each other in a way I never even knew existed. And yeah, I know we're young and everything, but that doesn't mean our feelings aren't real or that they aren't meant to last forever. So, well I just really hope when we get to that future place together, you'll both be part of it. Like, y'know, it'd be cool if you could meet your future grandbabies someday — af-AFTER we're married and she's won her first Tony award, of course! But, I think that'd make Rach so happy, and I know it'd mean alot to me, too. And uh, Hiram? One more thing… what you said before? You were wrong. She IS perfect , to me, anyway… flaws and all. Well… have a nice day sirs."
Hiram was closest to me as I headed for the door. He gave me the warmest smile, nodded, and grabbed me in a tight embrace. Pretty sure I heard him choke back a sob. Daddy Leroy, however, just glared at me with a strange expression I couldn't really read from the opposite side of the room. I figured it best to avoid eye contact and just wave goodbye to him.
I'll have to ask Rach if I'm ever gonna be allowed in her house again when daddy Leroy is home.
. . . . .
Burt was still at the tire shop, but we showed mom the ring as soon as we got to my house. She cried – of course. Rach cried too. Then Mom hugged the stuffing out of both of us. I watched in awe once again as Rach told the whole story of our date and my (apparently Finn-tastically fabulous attempt at giving her the ring the first time – hey those were her words) and how she panicked until I explained that our futures would be together no matter what. She totally left out the whole relaxing in the pool part of the story though.. thankfully!
Mom raised an eyebrow at me. "So… you're planning to follow Rachel to New York after graduation then?"
"Well, yeah mom. She's my future. And before you start in with like, a hundred zillion questions, NO I don't have it all worked out yet, but I will. We have plenty of time, and I know Rach will help me figure things out." Fortunately, she just nodded and let it go for now, but something tells me we'll be talking about New York again. Very soon.
. . . . .
Two hours later Rach got a call from her daddy. We'd been snuggled in my bed listening to Rachel's playlist #11, the one with music to cry to. And she'd done a little of that – or well, okay a LOT of it.
First, she cried because of my mom, saying she's finally learning what it feels like to have a real mom hug her. Then she cried for her daddy's over-dramatic reaction today. Then more tears for our loss at Nationals and feeling guilty for letting the team down. And then she sobbed because she was so touched by me standing up to her dad the way I did and how proud she was of me.
To be honest, I'm not sure where all that courage and stuff came from myself – I was actually scared shitless. But I guess something inside of me just felt like they needed to understand, I'm not playing games. And maybe a little piece of me hoped it'd be easier to get them both on our side because I know how much her dads mean to her.
I figured I'd give Rach privacy to talk to her dad when he called, so I left her in my room and went out to the back porch swing with a bottle of lime Gatorade. I was watching a couple squirrels chasing each other up and down a dogwood tree that still had some of its pretty white blossoms clinging on stubbornly, afraid to let go of the end of springtime. But I just couldn't stop feeling kinda crappy about what happened with her dad's reaction.
The more I think about it, it's really kinda bugging me… like, I'm not sure why Leroy seems to hate me so much? There's probably a reason, and maybe someday Rach will find out. Maybe he just hasn't gotten over the times I was a total douche in the past and he's just being an overprotective dad – which, okay, I can maybe understand that . Like, if it was my daughter and some ass-hat treated her so shitty I doubt I'd be so forgiving either.
But when Rachel called me his future FAMILY , her words really sunk into my bones... He will be my father-in-law someday. I realllly don't want my future father-in-law to hate me. And uh, the fact that she even said all of THAT…? Let's just say, every time I think it's impossible to love her more than I already do, she goes and proves me wrong. That girl is fucking amazing.
Well, Leroy wanting to kill me aside, at least mom wasn't so surprised about the ring and didn't make any crazy comments about me being a distraction to Rach's future plans or being some throw-away high school crush. She gets it. She knows how we feel about each other, I think.. And maybe Hiram does too. I s'pose mom'll be freaking out over me going to NYC at some point, but I think in the end she'll be okay about it… I just feel bad about maybe being the cause of problems between Rach and her dad right now.
. . . . .
Mom has a hummingbird feeder hanging on a shepherd's cross in a small flower bed near the porch swing. Here in Ohio, we mostly get Ruby-Throated hummingbirds which are actually pretty cool to watch. Y'know, if you're into bird watching … Anyway. While I was waiting for Rach to be done on the phone, I saw two little zippy birds chasing each other, chirping and screeching away, trying to claim the saucer of sugary sweet nectar as their own prize. They're pretty territorial birds – males especially – and they don't usually like to share feeders, so it was pretty awesome when they eventually gave up the battle and both landed on the perches of the saucer together. I guess they decided it was easier to share the tasty sweet goodies than neither of them getting any of it?
I was pulled outta bird watching mode by the sound of the sliding door opening. The birds only stayed for another couple seconds before zipping off. Rach came out and sat on the swing next to me with a glorious look on her face, an ear-to-ear pearly smile and eyes wide.
She practically whispered, "Finn, was that two rubies sharing the feeder?" I'm glad she got to see it, even if just for a second. Of course Rach knows all about hummingbirds too. Her and mom sat out here last summer for HOURS trying to get them to feed from little saucers in their hands. It didn't work out though, but they're not gonna give up trying.
I just grinned at her and slid my hand up her back, stopping to gently rub her shoulders. "Yeah. Pretty awesome huh? … So uh, how was your phone call, babe. Everything okay?"
"Yes. Daddy was very apologetic. He wants us both to come back for dinner at my house. He wants to talk to you."
{{Gulp}} "Ahh… is that a good thing or a bad thing?"
She giggled at me. "It's a good thing, sweetie. At least I expect it will be. Papa talked to him after we left. Daddy didn't realize some things… things I didn't know either. Baby, I didn't know you and Papa got to be so close this past winter."
"Well I mean, he invited me to talk a few times when I was trying to see you, back when you were still busy freezing me out ." I bumped my arm against her side with a half-grin and looked at her from my side vision. "I don't know if we got super close, but I feel like I can be more comfortable around him. Like maybe he kinda even likes me. But your dad, uh, yeah. He kinda still freaks me out, Rach. I always think he'd run me off with a shotgun if he owned one. I don't think he's ever forgiven me for the times I hurt you so much last year. I think he's just always gonna hate me and not trust me with you."
"No that's not true. Yes, he might have been overly protective of me up til now, and maybe he's been worried that you're just a heartbreaker of some kind. He just doesn't know you like I do – or like it seems that papa does now, too. But he wants to have that chance, so he'd really like you to come to dinner."
"Well okay... just as long as you're sure I'M not on the menu…"
She giggled and kissed me senseless, then said "I'll always protect you baby. Don't worry, you're safe with me."
Somehow I hoped truer words were never spoken.
. . . . .
THE LAST SUPPER (MAYBE?)
"It'll be fine, Finn."
"Uh-huh."
"No, it really will. I promise . And, you have me and papa already on your side at least, so–"
"No… no, it's okay. I'm okay. I just… I just wanna get this over with. Let's go in before I change my mind."
I heard those heartwarming musical sounds of her sweet giggles as I jumped outta the truck we'd been sitting in for the last ten minutes and ran around to open Rachel's door. I helped her out and felt her tender kiss on my cheek the moment her feet hit the ground. Why do I suddenly feel like I'm on my way to the electric chair and these are the last GOOD memories I'm ever gonna have?
She grabbed me by the hand and pulled me through the front door of her house with her. Papa Hiram was waiting with a big sympathetic smile. He shook my hand then immediately scooped Rach into his arms for a big hug. I glanced around cautiously but daddy Leroy was nowhere to be seen.
Then I heard a throat clearing across the room from us and me and Rach both looked his way at the same time.
"Princess, do you have a hug for your stubborn old man?" Rach nodded and ran right into his waiting arms. I heard him mumbling apologies in her ear, and after a few seconds his gaze landed on me.
"Finn, would you mind coming into the den with me for a moment? I'd like to have a word with you in private if that's okay."
I looked at Rachel for the strength I figured I'd need, and y'know, just in case that was the last time I'd ever be able to see her beautiful face. She smiled with encouragement and gave me a slight nod. Okay… here goes everything!
. . . . .
Leroy sat down in the armchair of the den and picked up a cup of tea from the small table in front of him, then motioned for me to sit in the matching chair across from him. These chairs are leather and made these really loud screechy noises as I sunk into it and suddenly I was thinking about that scene in that movie 'Get Out' where the guy gets like, hypnotized by the mom, and the chair swallows him whole.
Shit! Why am I so nervous? I mean it's just Leroy Berry. He's just a regular man , right? He's not like a superhero with the power to actually vaporize my junk into dust. He's just.. Rachel's dad… The man with the power to remove every bit of happiness I know in this world by forbidding me from ever seeing the love of my life again… yeah, THAT Leroy Berry. {{SIGH}}
"Finn," he began as he set his teacup down again – and I SWEAR every nerve ending in my body jumped, "Rachel was right. I do owe you an apology. It may seem to you that I've been unreasonably intolerable of your continued relationship with our little girl, and perhaps in some ways, that has been the case."
I could actually feel the little pellets of sweat beading up behind my neck and startin' to roll down my spine as he spoke. It was kinda tickling me, but I didn't wanna squirm to make it stop because that might be seen as a sign of weakness or disrespect or something.
I kept thinking of Hiram's words telling me to stand my ground … Well, I was sure trying to (and really hoping that movie was totally fake and there was absolutely NO WAY this chair could actually swallow me up, no matter what voodoo-tricks Leroy Berry tried out on me).
"This is probably the part where I should explain myself… But first, Finn, you really don't need to be so nervous."
"Oh, sure Mr. Berry sir, I just um…"
"Please... Let's dispense with all these formalities and just call me Leroy, son. We abhor military rule in this household, you know."
Call him Leroy? SCORE! Maybe I really AM NOT on the menu tonight and I really will NOT be turned into a body zombie and used for some crazy voodoo brain transplant later.
He smiled at the giant exhale I let out. "Sorry, Leroy, sir, I just don't like feeling like I'm in the way of your relationship with Rachel, and I hate to see her hurt. Especially if I'm the reason for that hurt… so I kinda get why you might not like me so much."
"You think I don't like you, Finn? Well.. let's clear that up first, shall we?" He took a sip from his teacup and set it down again. "Oh by the way.. Help yourself to the mini-fridge over there son, there's soda, juice, water…"
My legs were still a little rubbery but also heavy as cement, so I figured I should just stay put where I was. No need to add 'clumsy oaf who broke my mini-fridge' to his list of million other reasons he prob'ly has to hate me right now. "That's okay I'm fine, thank you sir."
He nodded then continued. "When her papa and I first brought Rachel home from the hospital, we were both so overwhelmed with this sense of love and pride and excitement, and something else that I couldn't quite put my finger on. It would take a few years for me to fully grasp what that other feeling was, but now I understand it completely. I couldn't find a single word to describe it, but it changed my entire outlook on the world in general. Watching her take her first steps, listening to her first words, seeing her first everythings happening in the world around her – it was a terrifying experience for me for a while. All these WHAT IFs start rearing their ugly heads. What if she falls? What if she gets hurt? What if she fails? What if she can't handle it? And then there were the worst what-ifs of all … what if she never finds love? What if she does ? What if she leaves and never comes back? But as you watch your child grow, you learn to set these fears aside, and you convince yourself that you'll be sure the bad things never happen because she is special and you are there to guarantee those bad things never happen to her. Then years passed and as Rachel grew, so did her talent and her tenacity. We were happily sailing along on the stardust of her dreams, oblivious to the fact that we'd been shielding her in a kind of perfect, protective cocoon. Never letting her fail or be hurt, never letting her experience things in a way that might have changed a lot of things for her emotionally, if we'd given her more breathing room and allowed her to learn some of those hard life lessons when she was younger."
He sat up a little and leaned forward to look me straight in the eyes. "Then you came into her life. And ALLLL the giant and worst possible what-if's were rearing their ugly heads again. And unfortunately everything I'd ever feared that could happen, that could hurt her, well… it was all wrapped up in this tall lanky package known as Finn Hudson."
Uhh, he said he was apologizing and clearing up how he actually DOESN'T dislike me, but so far that's not at all what I'm hearing…
"You're right, Finn. I certainly had concerns for the cacophony of heartaches you'd bring her and what damage you could do to her future, especially after the first time I had to hold my little girl in my arms, consoling her endless sobbing and rocking her to sleep because the boy she loved more than oxygen , more than singing, had broken her heart."
Crap. Pretty sure I know what night he's talking about. That was prob'ly the great 'inner rockstar' FAIL of 2010. No wonder he hates me. I HATE ME for that one. I'd kick my own ass if my legs weren't still all rubbery right now.
"Then do you know what happened after that night, Finn? Just two days later, she defended you to the CORE. I don't remember what exactly we'd been talking about, and I believe she had just started seeing that other young man, Jesse. Whatever the conversation, I'd obviously said something less than complimentary about you and she lit into me with a passion that I haven't seen since the time she came in second place in a Toddlers Who Tap competition. Her papa and I were both more than a little startled at her reaction – as was the young Mr. St. James, whose dumbfounded facial expression I think I'll never forget."
"Wait, um… you mean Rach defended me to you both, IN FRONT OF Jesse St James?"
Leroy nodded with as much surprise on his face as I musta been showing on mine. ('Course, I had to hide the mental high five I was giving myself.) Damn what I wouldn't give to have heard that conversation! But wait – so, that means she was still sticking by me, even while she was dating St Jackass? And lying to me about it at the time – and not agreeing to take me back yet. Huh. I bet I'm not s'posed to know these things…
"You see Finn, her outburst that night made things crystal clear to me: You were the one. THE ONE. The one that could either bring her all the happiness in the world, or shatter it all into nothingness. She clearly had no interest in that other beau – and frankly, we were BOTH relieved when that fiasco ended. But you'd been apparently having some personal crisis just prior to that time and she felt it best to just back off and let you handle it in your own good time; but she never once let go of the idea that you would be back. She was certain of it."
It's getting SUPER hard to not break down and cry in front of Leroy Berry right now. If what he's saying is true, my Rach has really ALWAYS been MY RACH . Even when she said she wasn't. I'd also bet she'd be pretty pissed he's telling me all her super-duper father-daughter chick secrets right now… but there must be a reason he's saying all this stuff to me?
"Do you see where I'm heading with all of this, Finn?"
"I mean, I'm trying to… I know how much I hurt her last year, and as her dad, I think I can see how that made you feel…"
"Yes you just brought me precisely to the point – I am her FATHER. That 'other feeling' I mentioned before, the one I couldn't explain, well, THAT is exactly what it boils down to Finn. As a parent , you find there are things you'd be willing to do, to compromise, to move heaven and earth as needed for the sake of your child. To give them what they want, what they need… and sometimes to prevent them from doing the things that you KNOW will not be in their best interest. It's not an easy path to walk. And I think we can all agree, Rachel was never a merely ordinary child, either. She is extraordinary, with extraordinary gifts and a limitless bright future ahead of her... And she will need an extraordinary life partner to be by her side, to nurture her and see her through it all. Someone who… can relate to her, yes, but also balance her. Someone who understands her extreme dynamics and doesn't fault her for them, but who can also gently reign her back in if needed. Someone who can simultaneously allow her to soar while keeping her grounded. Finn, I know you might think this sounds preposterous to hear from me at this point, but I knew immediately that person was always going to be you ."
What? He knew this… all the way back to the beginning? But…
"As a parent, especially as a father of a daughter – an extraordinary daughter – I saw my own replacement in YOU. It was a bitter pill to swallow, especially with her being so young. But it was unquestionable. You were going to be the one to do all the things for her that I never would. She was going to trust you implicitly, defend you, follow your heart as much as her own. And there's absolutely nothing her father nor I would ever be able to do to change that. So you see, I had to be sure. And now I am. You ARE worthy of her, Finn. I'm still not sure how or when it happened, but the two of you seem to have formed this bond that's even stronger than the one we have with her as her parents. She'd walk through fire for you. You do realize that about her, I hope?"
Well the hell with it, the damn tears are just flooding down my cheeks, there was no point fighting it or trying to stop them now. He didn't comment on me sobbing like a five year old in front of him, just handed me a handkerchief from his pocket. "Uh. Yeah, yes sir, I think I do know it by now. And um.. I'd walk through fire for her too, in case you needed to hear me say it."
"I believe you. You're made of tougher stuff than I thought, you know that?"
I am? I'm blubbering on his like $1000 leather chair like a little girl, and he thinks what now?
"Not many young men would go to the extremes you've gone to just to please her OR US for that matter, nor would they've stuck around for this kind of scrutiny. Rachel has certainly had accurate instincts about you Finn; you ARE a leader. You ARE caring and compassionate and you absolutely do seem to love her in the same unconditional way that she loves you. She said you two are soulmates? Well, who am I to argue the obvious when the evidence is so plainly in front of me. So I hope you'll accept my apology for putting you through this stressful… let's call it a TEST?... and just know, there's nobody I'd be more pleased to see as a future son-in-law. Let's just try NOT to rush the FUTURE part too much, okay? Marriage and 'grandbabies' and the like... You both have PLENTY of time for all of that, MANY years from now."
He winked at me and stood up to extend a handshake. As I took his hand, he pulled me into a tight hug, slapping me on the back a couple times. "Take the time you need to freshen up… there's a powder room through the door over there." Then he left the room and closed the door behind him.
Holy. Shit. Did that really just happen?
. . . . .
The rest of the evening went GREAT. Her dads made both a vegan and a REAL lasagna (y'know, with actual MEAT and non-fake cheese in it for us NON-rabbit-food eaters). They even allowed us to both have a glass of red wine for dinner because it was a 'special occasion'. Well, any occasion where I survived two dads and didn't get any holes blown through my body parts is surely SPECIAL in my book!
After dinner, me and Rach went for a walk down her street to our secret trail in the woods. She kept trying to ask me questions and wanted all the details about what daddy Leroy had to say to me. I just smiled at her and shushed her the whole way til we got to our spot on the fallen log by the creek. She's so damned adorable when she's impatient!
As soon as we got there, she perched herself on my knee and whined some more. " Fiiiiinnn… Why won't you just tell me what daddy said to you? You were in there for such a long time and I was worr–"
Time to kiss some more shut-up into her. It's been too many hours anyway, I needed a refill.
When I pulled back to see her gorgeous face, she still had her eyes closed and the most adorable smiling kissy face. "Baby. Don't worry about what your dad said. He said his peace, and we're cool now. Let's just say… I love you and he knows it, and accepts it."
"That's wonderful Finn, and it makes me so happy… But, well, then why can't you just tell me what was said?"
"Rach, it was just guy talk. Let's just say... We understand each other now, and he did say he actually does like me and basically gave us his blessing… So does it really matter exactly what he said?"
She gave me a last ditch puppy-dog 'pleeeease tell me Finny' face. I just chuckled at her, shook my head, kissed the tip of her nose and hugged her tight. While she was wrapped around my shoulders with her face buried in the crook of my neck she muttered 'Fine. I guess it doesn't matter… I love you either way, and I'm so proud of you for facing him again after how horribly he behaved earlier. Thank you, Finn."
"I love you, Rach. Forever."
. . . . .
I laid in bed for a long while that night just replaying everything that happened earlier. Leroy really surprised me. But I think I totally understand what he was saying about what being a parent does to you, how it must change you.
Okay sure the whole babygate thing got me thinking like that at least a little bit last year... 'course I never got a chance to really see it through a real DAD's eyes. I sure wasn't ready to do that last year, and I know I'm still not now… but just being with Rachel makes me see everything differently now. Her dad explained it all pretty well too. When you love someone like that, you'd do anything for them.
It was really the strangest feeling, though when he said I was like his replacement . So, what, he was like, feeling threatened by me? Or I guess he was just being a dad, protecting what's his from possible threats. I guess if I try to see it through his eyes it totally makes sense.
But I'm glad we settled things and he's willing to accept me now. Rach would be pissed, or at least, really hurt otherwise. It's sorta funny, she's kinda like the hummingbird feeder and we're like the territorial males fighting over her. Don't get me wrong – I'll always fight for Rach no matter what from now on… but I can also see why it's way better to just give up the fight sometimes. I sure feel a lot better right now, so does Rach, and I hope her dads do too.
. . . . .
THE OTHER SCHUE FINALLY DROPPED.
Our next glee club meeting was gonna be pretty important. For one thing, it's the first full week since Jesse Saint Sucksalot was shipped back to whatever rock he crawled out from under. Also it's the LAST week of school, so it's not a very formal club meeting… but the really important part is that it's the first time I'll be seeing Mr. Schue at school since he totally threw me and Rach under the bus in New York about our kiss at Nationals.
So I went into the choir room early hoping to find him. We're all s'posed to meet for glee in the auditorium today, but I was hoping to talk to him before the club was all gathered up. I found him in his office and knocked on the door but didn't wait for an invitation. I just let myself in, closing the door behind me.
He barely looked up at me at first. "Hey Finn, something on your mind?"
Really?
"Yeah. Yeah, Mr. Schue, something is totally on my mind, and I think we BOTH know what that something is. Are you gonna make me say it out loud?"
He cleared his throat and twisted his pencil around in his hand, focusing on it like it was the most interesting thing on the planet. I just sat down in the chair in front of his desk with my arms folded, staring at him, waiting. Then after a long beat he finally sighed. His shoulders fell a little bit and he leaned back in his chair.
"Okay. Yes, I know what you want to discuss. And yes, you're right Finn, my reaction back in the hotel was all wrong and unfair both to you and to Rachel."
"Well then why? Why would you blame us Mr. Schue? I mean, yeah okay, the out of control PDA part was on us I guess but… You wanted us to kiss on stage in the first place. And that Dustin Ghoulface guy said a bunch of crap about it being unprofessional and a turn-off for the judges… like, didn't you already know that? So, why would you even have us do something that seemed pretty obviously a BAD idea to begin with, something that woulda cost us the competition either way?"
"I was unknowingly misguided, Finn. Misguided and misinformed. Apparently, just in the same tradition as Sue Sylvester has done to us in the past, we were once again sabotaged... But this time, it was a real inside job."
"I don't understand.. you mean someone from the club…?"
"No – well yes , but not a student ."
Awww c'mon. Hell no he doesn't mean...
I guess my disgusted look of understanding said it all, because Mr. Schue was nodding his head and answering my unasked question. "Yeah. Jesse St James , show choir advisor extraordinaire left a little parting gift for us. I believed him when he presented me with a revised judging criteria notice which he claimed had come in two weeks before we left for New York. It appeared to be on official letterhead and everything… but a stage kiss was now part of the requirements, according to the revised notice. I just trusted him, never questioned it. That was on me."
That rat-faced beady-eyed SPYING SNAKE! I knew it! I KNEW he'd never change! GAHHH he'd better be out of the state of Ohio by now, because I swear if I ever see him again, I'll be the LAST thing he ever sees!
"Well it's no secret how I've always felt about that little douche, but.. But why would he do it? Like, what was in it for him? Was the new V-A coach in cahoots or–"
"No, not at all. Trust me that was my first thought too. After the unfortunate situation at junior prom between he and Rachel, Figgins obviously fired him. He was made to clear out his things from the school while under supervised watch the very next day and was only allowed restricted access in the office here. I guess he'd forgotten to check the director's desk drawer in the seats in the auditorium though. I just found a notebook he'd left in there this past weekend."
"What was in it Mr Schue?"
"I found the original judges notice – the same one I'd read to you all in the choir room the day I'd received it – which of course had their official letterhead. I found a few very professionally copied BLANK sheets of National Show Choir Board letterhead, a receipt for a local CopyMax, a page with the Board Director's signature – which he must have been practicing writing – and… well, there was one other thing."
"Tell me Mr Schue! What else?"
"Finn, I'm trusting you to just digest this information but not to react poorly to it… there's nothing much else we can do about it now anyway, and he's already been fired, so.."
"Just tell me Mr. Schue."
"He left a sort of… manifesto, I guess? A written document that was part love letter to Rachel and part explanation for what he was doing and why."
THAT FUCKER. Yeah, I'm seeing red… Of course I jumped up from the chair I'd been sitting in and started pacing around his office. How'd I just KNOW this was gonna have something to do with MY Rach?
"Finn… Finn! Look, I need to know you're gonna stay calm."
I took a couple breaths like Rach always tells me I should do... it really wasn't helping very much though. "Well, I can't make any promises about what I might say , but I won't go kicking any chairs if that helps. So just.. Tell me, what the hell did he have to say?"
"Essentially, he wanted to win Rachel back. When it became apparent that wasn't going to happen of its own accord since the two of you were certainly not breaking up, he decided that maybe you being a part of the reason she'd lost a possible win at Nationals might be reason enough for her to want to break up with you. At a minimum, his plan B idea was that New Directions would lose and be humiliated, then she'd decide she couldn't stay at such a 'mediocre school' in a 'subpar glee club' and he might be able to coax her into transferring to Carmel and joining Vocal Adrenaline."
I swear all the blood drained from my face. This fucking PERV has been out for MY GIRL since the minute his fuzzy-headed smug rat face reappeared in this school. She's been like, his prey the entire time! A wolf in sheep's clothing – if the sheep was all weasel-shaped.
"Finn I can only imagine how you must feel, but like I said, there's nothing legally we can do about it –"
"Are you SERIOUS Mr. Schue? You said it's a manifesto, right? Isn't that like what those crazy bombers and terrorists write? Can't we get him arrested?"
"Well no, Finn, not likely. I mean the contents of this document all pertain to Show Choir and the desire to reconnect with an ex-girlfriend." He immediately cringed at the look I shot him on the word EX-GIRLFRIEND. "Sorry, Finn, but there's really nothing the school or myself or anyone can do… the only thing that can possibly result from this whole nightmare is that I can notify the Show Choir Board of his inappropriate behavior and try to have his participation at any future competitions banned, but–"
"Hell YEAH! Let's do that at least!"
"Okay, okay Finn, I'll have Figgins work with me and we'll try that, but you know I can't promise that will even have any favorable outcome. It certainly won't change what already happened at Nationals, and well, you and Rachel seem to be stronger than ever... So, it appears all his efforts did was cause us a little embarrassment on the National stage and cost us any chance at a win this year."
"Well anything we can do to try to keep him away from next year's competitions, I think we gotta at least try! And you know the rest of the club is gonna agree with me."
"The rest of the club? Well Finn, I..."
"You ARE telling everyone about this, right Mr. Schue? They all have a right to know what ACTUALLY happened." I looked at him in disbelief – was he seriously really gonna try to hide this from everyone? "Okay, either you can tell them or I will…"
. . . . .
Rachel's nails dug back into my thigh muscle again HARD as Mr Schue told the club the truth and DAMMIT she really needs to cut her nails shorter if she's gonna keep doing that shit! "OW babe…! Mom just bought me these pants…"
"OH! Sorry Finn, I'm so sorry!" She started rubbing the spot on my leg where she'd just clawed into, but now I'm having a different kind of problem going on...
"Rach.. uh.. baaabe .. please can you just.. not, um.."
She smirked and gave me an innocent face. "Ooopsie. I'll fix THAT later too, honey." Oh god I swear she's KILLING me!
"So… basically, you're telling us that you let a known loser spy mini-me walk among us again , and YOU put him in charge, and YOU just took his word for changes from the show choir board without verifying anything. La hostia, pendejo! Mucho de estúpidos envueltas en UNO chaleco de del culo. " Santana was STILL pissed and out for blood. At least this time it wasn't MINE or Rach's.
Mr. Schue's brow creased at her though, and I know when I make that face it's because I don't understand – but he's our SPANISH TEACHER too, so he musta known what she said, right? I guess it musta been something way inappropriate though, since he seemed to skip it.
"Ye- ahh, yes , Santana. I'm sorry to say, all of that falls on me. I let you guys down.. Not Finn, not Rachel. And I owe the two of them a big apology for the way I reacted in New York. I didn't have all the facts yet at the time, but even without them, I shouldn't have thrown them to the wolves the way I did. Guys, I promise not to let anything like this happen again."
"We're gonna hold you to it Mr. S.. hope you know we're gonna require some kinda verbal verification from the horse's mouth from now on!" Puck yelled over the room that was becoming increasingly louder and more hostile.
"Says the horse's ASS ," Quinn snipped at Puck, who just rolled his eyes back at her in response.
"How could you trust him so easily? He's from CARMEL." Tina whined.
"I blame Rachel." Santana spat out dryly.
"Hey, didn't you hear Mr Schue? It's not her fault!" Kurt defended.
"Well I'm sure something is… after all, she brought him here the FIRST time, and seems like he only came back for her a second time – though I can't imagine WHY. So I stand by my theory."
"San, back off Rachel!" I snarled at her as she just continued filing her nails without looking up at me.
"Why didn't you check the envelope for postmarks? Don't you watch CSI or Law & Order?" Mercedes added.
"You should've just let me and Britt handle choreography, we really didn't need an outsider's advice anyway," Mike threw out there.
This is getting out of hand now and Mr Schue looks like he wants to crawl in a hole. I've been there enough times to know what that feels like. Time to be the leader. "GUYS! Hey, hey everyone! Look I know we're all pissed, I know what St Jackass did was like really super scummy, and yeah, Mr Schue kinda dropped the ball a little bit. But we can't blame him for everything. Me and Rach didn't question the idea of a kiss in the show – and neither did ANYONE in this room. So for all the crap that slimeball mighta wrote and whatever plans he made, WE as a club just got duped. Simple as that. So let's just do what Rachel said before we left New York, let's just hold our heads high, and learn from this misstep, and GET IT RIGHT NEXT YEAR! That's the best revenge we can serve up to him."
Rachel jumped up and stood next to me, grabbing my hand. "My esteemed fellow glee-clubbers, Finn is 100% correct. We can't change the past, we can only learn from it and hence forth, not repeat it. And while yes, Mr Schuester may need a bit more oversight on our part going forward, I'm quite sure we are all more than capable of delivering a victory at Nationals next year! Let's not let this unfortunate situation get us down – which is exactly and precisely what I'm sure Jesse would be happy to learn was happening – the implosion of New Directions. I, for one, do not wish to give him that satisfaction. Do any of you?"
My baby is AWESOME. And when we get home, I'm gonna show her just how awesome I think she is… for like three hours until mom calls me home to dinner. (The daddies Berry are at a business function in Toledo tonight!)
Best of all, school's out for the summer in four more days. All I can say is, Rachel Berry, prepare yourself for one long hot FUN LOVIN' SUMMER!
. . . . .
xo_finchel_xo_finchel_xo
A/N- THERE YOU HAVE IT FINCHELINGS, THE SEASON 2 'RE-RIGHT' IS COMPLETE!
I hope you don't mind the copious amount of changes from canon. I'll say it until canon changes - there can NEVER be a FUINN 2.0 in my world – it's bad enough that it existed in the first place. Parts of this chapter I'm EXTREMELY happy with, other parts are sorta MEH? My concentration wasn't the best this time, but I didn't want to let that delay this chapter... dunno about you but I HATE waiting for things, especially when it's like, THE FINALE! lol. my Girl Gleeks did their thang again to get me thru it!
I hope you were happy with the way this season worked out (and you can tell me if you're not!)... I think I am. ? And our sweet Finny might be just starting to realize what his future is MEANT to look like (and yes, ahead of canon timeline, because doncha think that's more like the proper way for it to have gone? – subtracting RB from his world, then ok, maybe he remained clueless.. however the Rachel factor deflates canon for me), but what will it take for him to actually make it happen? Hmm… And one of my FAVE parts in this chap was FINN vs THE DADS. There just was NOT enough Berry Family representation in the show, considering the full arc of the Finchel timeline, they shoulda been brought in SO much sooner - can you imagine Finn's first meeting with them, especially one AFTER he'd already crushed Rachel so many times? (Well I guess NOW you can... haha). I really would've LOVED to see Cory's little facial nuances in a scene like that, esp during s2. He was, in a word, brilliant. [RIP CORY, WE'LL NEVER FORGET!]
Well, moving on... I've already started outlining Season 3. And silly me went into that ordeal thinking how easy-breezy S3 will be compared to S2 since there was virtually no real FINCHEL drama to write/right around (well, not til the very very end of the season… but we'll get to that whole DEBACLE when we get to it – IF… ) However, by comparison, S3 is perhaps the DULLEST and least juicy Finchel season of the first 4, IMO. Yes there's a few sweet spots of fluff but their overall storyline just... UGH. The writers did us NO FAVORS in the Finchel department, not really – apart from the tire shop scene and Christmas. (Hello? Most. Boring. First. Time. EVER ?) They were fading to PROPS in a large ensemble cast by then, which frankly was ABSURD and I hadn't paid alotta mind to it for all the times I've rewatched the show. Of course, now that I'm writing.. well that simply won't do! While I'll certainly be doing my best to keep canon where I can, I'm just preparing you now for another MAJOR 're-right'. Especially where poor Finn was concerned, they practically turned the character into a cartoon version of himself more often than not, then for some reason that wasn't enough so they did a full 180 and spun the lost boy story WAAAAAY too long, too late, too wrong. (I'm sorry have you MET his girlfriend? The most OCD organized crazy chick on the planet? AS IF Rachel Berry was really gonna let Finn fall into that rabbit hole without her help to get him out of it – or to never be in it in the first place?)
I'm interested in hearing YOUR views on the whole 'Finn outs Santana's sexuality' bit. I have my (very strong) opinions on the subject and it's highly likely this piece of glee canon will be included - but it may not be the same as the original.
ANYHOO - aside from S3 turning me prematurely gray already before I've written a word for it… is anyone interested in hearing what happens during the summer between junior and senior year with our beloved Finchel? Hmm. I wonder what sort of new adventures they might be headed for… (perhaps that was a rhetorical question… but feel free to respond anyway LOL)
/.+.+.\
O
PROPER SHOUT-OUTS TIME!
Sappling - thank you darling for your MILLION brilliant ideas (yes, she single-handedly quadrupled my chapter word counts thanks to soooo many ideas that I just couldn't say NO to! - and yeah, it's still not a BAD thing babe) and your TWO MILLION typo/grammar corrections! You'd make one hella COPY EDITOR if that was the path you'd chosen… And we will ALL be looking forward to YOUR very own AWESOME sounding Finchel Fic which had better be at least started before the new year! :X
BroadwayBelle, my sounding board, my sweet friend… I'm gonna keep on you until Love Letters is back in action, so… ya might as well put on your GLEE CAP now and get thinking, sis! WEMMA's wedding day is on the horizon and we left a tragic Grody Brody problem in need of eradication! ;)
SONG CREDITS:
Pretending - Glee Cast Original Song (Nationals)
Light It Up - Glee Cast Original Song (Nationals)
There should probably be a(n unintentional) credit to Journey for the sub-heading line that probably everyone will relate to the 1978 hit song 'Lights' - well, so credited. Whether intended or not. ?ￂﾠ
PS: On AO3 I figured I'd include a little anime drawing that sort of represents my idea of what Allie Davies looks like. There were stock photos that gave a more literal interpretation, but I connected with this lovely anime version immediately.. Of course, you may always rely on your own version/vision. ;)
See you in the FUN LOVIN' SUMMERTIME, Finchelings!
...and in case I don't publish anything til after, HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL YOU GLEEKS!