Nine layers of Hell

by fvdv123

ROB, the Random Omnipotent Being, is pissed off at the Fan Fiction Authors for using and abusing his name in their stories. So, when I died, I got His revenge. Forced to live through my favorite stories, I have to avoid ending up in Hell. M for a reason, all the tropes will get their turn and there will be girls eventually. You know me, MR Cringe and Gary Stu are supervising.

15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer:

Mrs. J.K., It is kind of fun being the bad guy… writing about them I mean, I don't have the talent for being bad, I can't lie to save my life, my ex can confirm that… Ah, disclaimer, for free and all that shit.

Previous:

I gathered Nagini and apparated to Malfoy's Mansion, I have some Crucio's to do concerning a Diary. Didn't that fool know that a Diary is sacred? No, maybe that is a girls-only thing. Ah, I am expected, the gates are opening for me. I have to get my priorities sorted… enlarging my Dingeling for one, getting a nose, lips would be nice, hair…

15 Preparations.

I slowly walked to the front door of the mansion, an impressive door though, and slow because I was still barefoot. I can conjure sandals, but that will make me look more like a monk from a horror movie, if I conjure shoes, that would make me look like a clown before he puts his makeup on. Ah! I have it! I put a spell on the soles of my feet that made them more leathery, that did the trick, I quickened my step to the door where Lucius and Cissy were waiting for me.

Usually, I would say bow to me, but they took the words out of my mouth and went a bit further by going on hands and knees and kissing my feet. That is disturbing! Instead of brushing their lips, Malfoy is slobbering all over the toes of my left foot and Narcissa is pecking her lips on every toe of my right foot. Do they have some kind of foot fetish?

"Rise," I said, "Do not think I forget the past thirteen years just because you are drooling on my feet. Get inside, we have a lot of planning to make."

Once we were in the parlor, I turned to Malfoy: "I entrusted you with one of my most treasured possessions, one of the few that could lead Dumbledore to my downfall, and you used it to try to get a Ministry flunky fired? Not only did you endanger my artifact, you endangered the whole cause we are fighting for."

I glared at him and continued: "Your actions released a Basilisk on Hogwarts, do you think an artifact can control one of those? I told you to use it when all was lost, you idiot! What would have happened when that Basilisk went into the Great Hall at dinner? Would your son survive it? Would all the other Heirs of all the pureblood Houses that are currently at Hogwarts live through that?"

Both were slobbering my feet again, let's rant some more: "What would happen Lucius when it came out that my artifact was responsible for all the damage the Basilisk caused? Worse! You let it get destroyed and my Basilisk killed! That is a double failure, LUCIUS! Crucio!"

Meh, just for a second, I still need him. It is quite satisfying to see the worm roll on the floor, the pussy pissed himself… A Crucio for a second and he is pissing himself? What a wuss.

"Go to Fudge and do damage control, if Dumbledore announces my return, tell Fudge he is out for his job by sowing fear to the people." I said, I thought for a bit and added: "If Crouch Junior is captured let Fudge set a dementor on it. Remember Lucius, no loose ends. My return hast to stay a secret."

"Narcissa, show me my room and prepare a bath and fresh clothes," I commanded,

Yep, this will be my base for the coming months, a small price for losing my first Horcrux. I am going to work them over like house elves… should I have them wear pillows? No, maybe when they run out of cash.

Xxxxx

Soaking in my tub, scrubbing my feet while inspecting my pecker, well, I was used to having a larger one, yes, it was bloody bigger than this one. Although I could not brag about the one I had before, I could not even say it was above average… I never compared it to others, but this one is ridiculously small.

A walk in memory lane put the blame on my rituals again, as I said before, every ritual takes a price no matter what you are offering, some body part has to give. Horcruxes did take big parts of this body, and I guess the first Horcrux took his sanity, I mean what use is having power if you are a mix between an inferi and a snake?

Fucking women is impossible when you are a Master Legilimence, one look in their eyes tells you what they really think about you, maybe that is why he gave up on his pecker. I want my dick back! And my nose, lips, hair, skin color, smaller feet… Sigh.

On the positive side, I have perfect Occlumency, total recall of every book I read, every spell I learned, every man, woman, and child I tortured and killed. Harry Potter was not the first kid I slaughtered… I am closing that section or I'll go crazy.

Meditating in bed, I searched for body-restoring rituals, a nasty one was reuniting the Horcruxes, showing real remorse, and you probably die when they fuse together again. That ship has sailed the moment my diary got stabbed and half of my soul went to the… wherever those things go. It is an option though, if I can find a way to fuse some of those pieces back, I'll take it with both hands. Meh, I will sleep on it.

The next morning, Nagini complained: §Those white birds have more feathers than meat, I ate two and I am still hungry.§

§You better eat them all, they woke me up with their ungodly screams this morning.§ I grumbled. §Let the House-elves stay alive, I doubt Narcissa can cook.§

§I'll am going to shit feathers for a week that way!§ Complained Nagini, §Why don't you eat them for dinner? Tell them to bring a few sheep or pigs or I start biting.§

Our hissing freaked Narcissa out, especially when I said her name in English between the hissing, and Nagini turned her head at her, she left the room as fast as possible, I bet to get another knicker. The dining room of the Malfoy's is something grand, I sit at the head of course, as a notorious Dark Lord, I have to be impressive, so a bit of transfiguration got me a fancy throne, Gold colored of course.

Two elves were serving the food. Strange creatures, those elves, stranger even how Malfoy is treating them, he is a textbook villain, I bet Disney rubbed off on Mrs. J.K., like, did you ever meet an evil man or woman that treats their servants decently in those movies? So these elves look like they were run over by a stampeding herd of wildebeests. I would have frowned at Lucius when he came in and kicked an elf aside, but... You can't frown without eyebrows.

I could not help myself from commenting: "Lucius, you must be the biggest fool in Britain, didn't you learn your lesson with that Dobby? Tell me, are these elves loyal to you and your House? By the way, you are treating them, I am surprised you have elves at all." I pointed my wand at him and said: "Wormtail told me all about Dobby, how he disobeyed you to help Harry Potter destroy my Diary. You will soon find out the value of a loyal elf. Tell the inner circle to be here for dinner. I have some errands to do."

Xxxxx

Yeah, I had to get out of there or I would have killed those two, I couldn't even rape Narcissa, the bitch would not even feel my dick. Anyway, I made a tour of my safe houses and secret stashes, the best idea I had before Harry buzzed me was that I let others pay to finance my fights, I took a modest cut of course. 20% is a reasonable wager for the Leader of the faction don't you agree? I am glad you see it my way, you be dead otherwise.

I collected the books and ingredients for my next rituals, I have five of them in mind, and have to choose one or two of them. Another option would be another body, but I am not ready to lose the blood connection with the boy. Two trunks shrunk to matchbox size will do for now.

At dinner time, I returned. Snape was there to slobber my feet, five seconds will do the trick… ok, eight? Ten seconds later I released my Crucio, damn, judging by the reaction of his body the tosser expected it and took a nerve-dampening potion in advance. I still can use him for a while or he would get another twenty seconds on his ass.

"Here is Dumbledore's spy, my friends, as you know he offered to act as a double spy when I started hunting the Potters," I said and kicked him away, "It got him out of Azkaban and a cozy job at Hogwarts, let's see how loyal you are, little spy, stand up and look me in the eye."

Shivering, Snape stood up and looked me in the eyes, merciless I attacked his memories and sifted through his brain. Year after year passed my judgment, I didn't find any treasonous thoughts or acts. But I knew from the books he could remove memories and store them away like he did when he taught legilimence to Potter. Meh, let's play along, he deserves a little bashing… a lot of bashing.

"So, you kept my loyalty Severus, although I must say that you are a lousy teacher, no, that is not the right word, incompetent, inept, unqualified, those words describe it better. What is your excuse, Severus? Was it Dumbledore's idea to cripple the next generation? No, don't say a thing, I am not in the mood to hear your petty reasons. Sit down everyone and have dinner." Snape had his Occlumence shield up the whole time, the only thing showing his distress was the twitching of his eyes. Or it was the Crucio exposure that caused the twitching.

Xxxxx

After dinner, I started to give my orders: "At first, I want to attract the Giants and Werewolves to our cause, they can form our front line in our battles, although I suspect we will not need them soon. Lucius, how far are you with Fudge?"

Lucius answered: "Fudge is completely paranoid, My Lord, the Potter boy did not reveal your resurrection, and with only the words of Dumbledore and Severus, it did not convince him of it. He simply refuses to believe it. Crouch Junior is kissed, the Potter boy exposd him, and Fudge did not wait for the Aurors to question Junior."

I sighed: "Too bad, he was my most loyal follower, I told him to leave when Harry Potter portkeyd away. I guess he wanted to stay and gloat."

I looked at Snape: "My main objective is that Prophesy, Severus, I need the exact words of that Prophesy, we will try to find a way to retrieve it from the DoM. Leave now."

When Snape was gone, I relaxed, "Now that Dumbledore's spy is gone, we can talk about the real issues, we are going to use the coming months to undermine the public opinions of Dumbledore and his club and the Ministries credibility. Dumbledore will send his spies to the Giants and Werewolves, and he will guard the Department of Mysteries with his club, which will keep him occupied."

I started my next orders, "Lucius, you keep Fudge on his leash, while Nott, Parkinson, Mulciber, and Selwyn visit our supporters and feel them out. Don't start yelling that I am back alive, we have time to build our forces in secret for as long as Fudge denies I am back."

That will take care of the brains, now the dumb muscles, "Wormtail will take care of Nagini, Crabbe, Goyle, and the Carrows will recruit in Knockturn Alley, Alecta, mark any known Dumbledore spy with a tracker, Fletcher is one of them I think."

"Avery, Macnair, Rowle, and Yaxley, feel the Ministry out. See who can be turned and who needs an Imperio to do our bidding."

I looked at everyone and said: "It is important that we remain in the shadows, so no mindless raping and killing, I am going to research some ancient Magic, there are some improvements that need to be done. Also, keep Snape out of the loop, I do not yet trust him, but we can use him to fool Dumbledore. This means that I have no interest in that fake prophecy at all, but I want Dumbledore to think I do. These are the highlights, let us enjoy Lucius' hospitality! Narcissa! Bring out the good stuff!"

That will keep them off my back for now, I am walking on a tightrope, balancing a bunch of murdering maniacs to follow a fake Voldemort is not going to be easy. Here is my dilemma, I am bloody Voldemort, to successfully complete this layer, do I have to kill Potter, or myself? Do I conquer Wizarding Britain? Put Muggleborn in camps? Perhaps I have to embrace my inner villain, kill a bit, some Crucio, rape some women...

Get a bigger dick so I can rape again, I found the solution to enjoy my rapes, I take them from behind, so I don't have to look them in the eyes… Nah, I am not a fan of raping, it is too much of a hustle, and it is more satisfying when they are eager participants. Do you want excitement? Cheat on the wife with her sister, I bet there are pleasure establishments in every city… yes, they do good business, and you can bet your ass not every customer is a bachelor. Hmm, good memories. Having an understanding wife is not good either, they expect you to be understanding too, and before you know it she is fucking Fred from next door, it could be revenge for fucking her sister. I know life is complicated, her sister was smoking hot though.

Meh, I better prepare for the holidays.

Xxxxx

The first Saturday morning of July, a well-dressed middle-aged man, holding a bookcase, took a stroll through Privet Drive, at number four he paused and smelled the flowers that were bordering the sidewalk. Nobody saw the man pointing his finger to a bush and whispered a word or two. The snoring coming from that bush made the man pointed his finger again, after a few more words, the snoring stopped.

The man continued his stroll to the front door of Privet Drive 4 and rang the doorbell. The lady of the house opened the door, and Petunia looked at a handsome stranger.

"Good morning, Mrs. Dursley, my name is Tom Riddle, a solicitor of the firm Ofthem, Riddle, and Basher. We are here to correct an injustice, you have been denied your inheritance that your sister Mrs. Potter, bequeathed to you in her Will. Can I come in and discuss the details? I assure you, it is quite substantial."

It is I, as you already guessed, I bet the name Riddle gave it away. I am here to mess Dumbledore's plans up a bit. Using Magic here you say? Nah, at this moment Hopkirk is getting fucked by Rowle, don't worry, she likes it rough.

Petunia led me into the living room and introduced Vernon: "Mr. Riddle, my husband Vernon, Vernon, this is Mr. Riddle, he is a Solicitor…"

I took over, "Good morning Mr. Dursley, I am sorry to disturb your free time with matters that should have been executed years ago. I am talking about your inheritance from your late sister-in-law. We are talking about quite the amount of goods and money."

Vernon asked suspiciously: "You are one of those freaks, aren't you? I am surprised you look almost normal."

I sagely nodded: "Our firm works in both worlds, Mr. Dursley, we have learned to act normal. Most of our employees are like your wife, with a relative on the other side. I noticed you are uncomfortable with me here, so I will get to the reason for me to be here."

Vernon relaxed a bit, finally a freak that can behave like a normal person. That and the amount of goods and money the freak talked about helped him to get over his discomfort quickly.

I continued: "After Lord and Lady Potter died, Mr. Dumbledore used his connections to unlawfully block their Will, therefore freezing what should have been yours all those years ago. The Will is blocked until Heir Potter reaches twenty-one, the age where he is expected to take his seat in our ruling government."

I held my hand up to stop them from interrupting: "An opportunity appeared this year, Heir Potter was forced into a competition that declared him to be of age. Which means he can take his Lordship up today after we take care of some details."

I opened my briefcase and presented them with a stack of papers: "These documents, after you sign them, will make Heir Potter an adult in the normal world, we even put a document for Heir Potter to sign that he will not in any way take legal actions against your family. We understand that the stress of housing one of our kind can be too much for normal people. This procedure is standard in our world."

Petunia asked: "How much money and goods are we talking about? And we were not told they were nobility."

"Ah, Mrs. Dursley, that Nobility is only in our world, we segregated our part of Britain in the sixteen hundreds during the witch hunts. The money, we estimate six figures at least, perhaps even seven, the goods have to be divided at the reading."

Vernon had those cartoon dollar signs in his eyes and shouted: "Boy! Get down here this minute!"

Petunia rushed upstairs, probably to unlock his door, and came back with Harry, the holiday just started, so he still had some meat on his bones. In the meantime, I pointed to Vernon where to sign after I showed the lines that were important to him, a get-out-of-jail-free card.

Petunia came down with Harry, I said: "Heir Potter, our Law firm is hired to arrange your emancipation in the normal world, if you will sign here, and here, here too, that is great. Pack your belongings and I will escort you to Gringotts to unlock your parents Will."

When Harry gathered his belongings, I addressed the Dursleys: "Expect your inheritance at the end of this month, we will use normal mail, of course. If you will give me the bank account number where the money needs to be deposited, then we are all done."

A few minutes later, Harry dragged his trunk down, with Hedwig in her cage. It is a bit sad that Harry is prepared to leave with a total stranger without questioning him, this home was a real hell, I know, I have the memories to prove it. I freaked the Dursleys out by shrinking and putting a featherweight charm on the trunk.

"Goodbye, Mrs. and Mr. Dursley, we thank you for your cooperation, as I mentioned before, at the end of this month you will receive our letter, come along Heir Potter, Gringotts hates it when their appointments are running late."

Xxxxx

We left Privet Drive and walked to the park nearby, I sat down on a bench and tapped the seat next to me. "Sit down and let me explain what is happening to you, Heir Potter. But first, let me scan you for tracking charms… ah! Five of them… two listening charms… it is a good thing I can not be spied on with those ordinary trinkets. I moved them to this bench, For your trunk, put it in this box, that will block any spells and trackers on you, ah! The birdcage has one too, the ring on your owl's feet, the invisible ring, here do you feel it? That is making a copy of your mail and directing it somewhere, Dumbledore never understood the meaning of privacy if it isn't about him. There, all set to go."

I turned serious: "This is what has to happen, Heir Potter, you will take this portkey to Gringotts, or, take the Knight bus if you don't trust me. Hide the scar if you do. At Gringotts, your account manager will await you in… twenty minutes. Claim your Lordship of House Potter, and demand your parents Will to be read. Then, you ask for a curse breaker, a goblin one to examine your cursed scar and to inspect your belongings, ask for an official report of that examination. Are you with me so far?"

Harry nodded, and asked: "What did I sign at my aunt's home?"

I shrugged: "Papers that will emancipate you in the Muggle world and a letter that you will not press charges against them for child abuse."

Harry exploded: "What? Do they get away with all they did to me? Why did you let me sign it?"

"That is simple, Heir Potter, Magic. Yes, Magic demands that all contracts are signed with their free will, otherwise, it can be contested in court. The same Magic will judge you that you are of age to take your Lordship and your ring. Focus now, when you are cleared of all foreign Magics, let Gringotts send a copy of that report to Madam Bones, she is the Head of the DMLE. Your parents have several homes in Britain and other countries. Select one and ask Gringotts to update the Wards."

I smiled sadly to him: "I am sorry to say, that your friends are not exactly your true friends, Weasley is getting paid to let you slack off, I don't know what Granger's deal is, but giving a time turner to a child to attend some classes is criminal. My advice is to warn your Godfather of this before it is too late. I heard he will offer his ancestral home to be used by Dumbledore, which will give Dumbledore access to the Black Library, Sirius Black made you his heir, so Dumbledore will be robbing him and you. Do not trust Lupin, oh, he likes you very much, but he has sworn a loyalty oath to Dumbledore. Why do you think he never visited you?"

I stood up and gave him a letter: "I explained it all in this letter, read it tonight. And tell your account manager Bellatrix has one in her vault too. Good luck, Heir Potter."

The little fool is too trusting, he activated the portkey and went off. No, I am not a total bastard and ported him to the other side of the planet. Did I go easy on the Dursleys? Nah, they will never face a trial, he is going to burn their house down, probably with them in it. He signed papers to not press charges; not ever to take revenge.

Now I have to sit back and enjoy all the drama.

Xxxxx

A week later the Daily Deceiver was printed in big fonts

The Boy Who Lived is now Lord Potter!

Yes, my dear readers, as of this minute Lord Potter has become the most desired bachelor of Britain. Girls from ten to thirty will be on the hunt for the Lady Potter title, (a list of prime candidates on page 2) Lords and Ladies with daughters will try to have him sign a betrothal contract to form an alliance, (Possible candidates on page 3).

Lord Potter mailed us a brief statement:

To the People of Britain,

Last school year I was forced to compete in the Tri-Wizard Tournament against my will. At the third task, when the Cup was in sight, Cedric Diggory, the true Champion of Hogwarts, saved my life from an Acromantula, we disposed of another one together.

I was not the real Hogwarts champion, therefore I offered him to take the Cup, as was his right. Winning the tournament was never my goal, only to survive it.

As a true Hufflepuff and a great wizard, Cedric Diggory denied that honor and said to both take the cup and split the award. We both grabbed the cup and were ported outside Hogwarts, where we were ambushed by Peter Pettigrew.

I fell on the ground, while Cedric managed to stay on his feet, it made him the first target for the Avada curse from Pettigrew. In a panic I ran away, chased by Pettigrew who was casting several spells at me.

I managed to outrun Pettigrew and circled back to Cedric and the Cup, I grabbed both and arrived at the stage in Hogwarts with the officials.

I don't care what they say or think about me, but I won't allow one bad word about Cedric Diggory.

I do have questions. Why didn't the Headmaster notice that a good friend of his was impersonated with polyjuice? A fraud was teaching us Dada for the whole year and Dumbledore didn't know? I doubt that very much.

Either Dumbledore is getting senile, or he is a criminal to allow this to happen. I also blame Dumbledore for Cedric Diggory's death.

Another blame I put on Dumbledore's feet is that he knew my sworn Godfather Sirius Black is innocent, and is still refusing to arrange a trial for him. A trial he never had in the first place.

Peter Pettigrew is alive and had been hiding as a rat animagus at the Weasleys, while my sworn godfather was put in Azkaban by Bagnold, Crouch Sr., and Dumbledore.

At this moment I am searching for other schools to complete my education because I am not going to be in the same building as Dumbledore of my free will. I expect him to Imperio me or use potions to let me obey him once more.

So, if you see me and Dumbledore together in Hogwarts, call the DMLE.

Yours,

Harry James Potter,

Lord of House Potter

Heir Primary of House Black

Dear readers! This is casting a different light on what happened with the Tri-Wizard Cup! Is this the reason Dumbledore is claiming that You Know Who is back alive? Is he covering his crimes, and hoping that we want to depend on him again?

Before we printed this letter we went through our archives and didn't find one word about a trial, an inquiry at the Ministry told us there was no trial at all, and Lord Black's files were sealed.

Let me remind you that at the time Heir Black was an experienced Auror with a lot of arrests on his name with his partner Lord Potter. Why was an Auror shoved in Azkaban without a trial?

We will investigate this further, and appeal to the DMLE to find the truth.

Your Loyal Reporter Mouth B. Labber.

More on Sirius Black at page 4

More on Sworn Godparents on page 6

Can a rat animagus live for twelve years as a rat? More on page 6

The life of Cedric Diggory told by his friends and family on pages 7 and 8

Xxxxx

I laughed out loud when I finished reading the paper, "You have to like that boy! With one letter he arranged to get Dumbledore fired from all his jobs. Mark my words, he won't have a job left in one month."

I turned to Draco: "Well young Draco, what are your achievements at Hogwarts?"