Previously on Between My Captain & Commander: Armin breaks up with Levi and Erwin, claiming he doesn't think the triad has a future.
During Eren and Mikasa's wedding, Erwin begins to suspect there's more to Armin's decision to end things. He and Levi end up posing for a photograph with their ex-partner. Afterwards, Erwin tries and fails to discuss Armin with Levi, but the Captain claims he just wants move on with their lives.
With Armin's trip abroad looming ever closer, can the trio find a way to resolve their issues before it's too late?
Chapter 29: Into the Unknown…
Levi
The photograph stayed in Levi's jacket pocket all evening.
A part of him itched to take it out, to study the image of the three of them together. A moment in time that would never happen again.
But common sense wrestled his emotions into submission. What was the point in looking at something that would only cause more pain?
As the party guests chatted and celebrated around him, Levi's thoughts turned to Erwin. He'd slipped back into the role of the perfect Commander, with no trace of his earlier distress. But posing for that photo with Armin had shaken him up. The man was convinced they couldn't let things lie with their ex-partner, that they needed proper closure before ending the triad. If indeed it did need to end…
Levi clenched his fingers around his wineglass. Erwin's crazy, he's grabbing at a phantom hope.
Showing him the photo would only encourage his delusions. Fuck, Levi regretted looking at it himself. Maybe he should burn the photo, or pretend it didn't develop right? Could they just cut Armin out of it, as if he'd never existed in their relationship?
The bustle of the party guests grated on his nerves. He rubbed his face with his hands, wishing he could simply scour away all thoughts of Armin.
He nudged Erwin, who was following a conversation between Hange and Mike. "I'm leaving. But you should stay and enjoy yourself."
"Do you want to head up to my quarters? You could take a bath to relax," Erwin suggested.
Levi agreed. Hopefully some time alone would help him decide what to do with the photo.
But as soon as he entered Erwin's quarters, another problem presented itself - that goddamn jigsaw puzzle still lying in the corner of the room.
I should toss that thing back in the box and give it away!
He'd spent the last few weeks promising himself he'd get rid of it. But somehow he kept putting it off. It was definitely not because a part of him hoped Armin might still come back and finish it with them.
He bustled around the kitchenette, trying to figure out what flavour tea might soothe his agitation. Perhaps mint might be nice…
But no. He now associated mint tea with Armin, after he'd given him that spearmint plant. Wasn't he trying to take his mind off the man?
For fuck's sakes, I'll never get over him if I avoid every single thing that reminds me of him.
Not long afterwards, Erwin came back.
"I told you to stay as late as you wanted." Levi's stomach twisted that his partner had probably left early to be with him.
Erwin dropped down on the couch beside him. His eyes closed as he relaxed back into the cushions. Then his eyes flew open and fixed on the steaming teapot on the table. "Is that mint I smell?"
Levi took a breath, forcing calm into his voice. "I figured we may as well use that spearmint plant if it's going to be sitting on the window."
Erwin stared at him intently, cool blue eyes trying to read into this decision. Levi stared defiantly back sending his own message – this doesn't mean anything.
However, he hadn't actually tasted the tea yet, despite pouring it out almost fifteen minutes ago. To prove a point to Erwin, he lifted the cup and took a sip.
The fresh, sweet taste sent his mind back to the last time he'd enjoyed mint tea – with Armin. It felt like a lifetime ago, something from a dream or an alternate reality. But in truth it was only two months ago. They'd played card games in Levi's quarters, discussed their plans for Erwin's upcoming birthday, and Armin had talked wistfully about his dream to travel the world…
Well, he got his wish all right.
After only a few sips, Levi settled his teacup down, so abruptly the contents sloshed over the sides onto the wooden table.
"Fuck." He launched out of his seat to grab a tea towel to clean up.
"Levi, it didn't spill much, just leave it-"
"Do you want it to stain?" Levi snapped. The thoughts of the tea leaving a permanent mark on the table was too much. There were already too many lingering traces of Armin left in here. Left in their lives.
He swiped the droplets of liquid off the table. "You know what, I think I've gone off mint tea. Should I make up a fresh pot of something else?"
"Why don't I make it? You seem a bit on edge."
"I'm fine." Levi realised he was digging his nails into his palms, and tried to relax. "But we need to get rid of that plant. It's a nuisance sitting on the windowsill."
"I thought you liked the smell of mint?" Erwin asked.
Levi didn't answer. Instead the jigsaw puzzle in the corner stole his attention.
"And that, it's an absolute mess sitting on the floor! We'll never finish it. Let's pack it up and give it to Hange."
He grabbed the box – the picture covered with exotic animals from all over the world – and began stuffing handfuls of partially completed jigsaw segments into it.
Erwin moved with reflexes born from long years of training. In a moment he was beside his partner, holding his wrist.
"What are you doing? We still might finish it."
Levi snatched his hand back. "No, we won't. It's just going to sit here forever as a reminder to us. I want it gone. We're over him, we need to move on."
"Are you over him?" Erwin's soft tone was infuriating. "You never even say his name anymore."
What's the point of discussing this? It won't bring him back!
"Of course I'm fucking over him!" To prove his point, Levi tossed another handful of jigsaw into the box. It felt like scratching out pieces of his insides. "I don't want any sign of him left in here. This is all my fault, we should have never gotten together with him-"
"It's not your fault-"
"I was the one who organised that goddamn threesome in the first place! And look where it's left us." Levi slumped on the carpet. "We need to go back to the way things were before. We need to forget him Erwin." His voice hitched. "I need to forget him."
The walls of his stony resolve crumbled into dust. He flung a handful of puzzle pieces to the floor and collapsed forward, hands over his face like a shield.
Erwin's strong arms wrapped around him, a solace Levi could always depend on. But right now, it only softened the edges of the knives stabbing him over and over with regrets.
When the crashing waves of his anguish subsided to weary surges, Erwin helped him back to the couch.
"We need to talk about this darling." Erwin rubbed his back in slow, soothing circles. "I know it's hard, but we can't simply bottle up our pain forever."
Levi opened his mouth for a sharp retort, then reconsidered. He really could do with getting out of this room for a bit.
"Can we go outside? To the rooftop?" he suggested.
Ten minutes later, they were bundled up in heavy coats and scarves, staring out over the moonlit Survey Corps grounds.
This place held a precious sort of reverence for Levi. Years ago when he first joined the military, he'd snuck up here with Izzy and Farlan. The loss of his friends still stung, but now he recalled their antics fondly whenever he revisited the rooftop. All the future fantasies they'd dreamt up on these mossy slate tiles, the endless possibilities ahead of them after escaping the Underground.
It was also where he and Erwin had met in private, soon after they'd formed a relationship. He'd always been there to listen to him, to share the burden of Levi's pain and regret. In turn, Erwin dropped the careful mask he wore in public, and spoke about his father's unjust death.
This rooftop was a place where both men could release their instinctive restraints, and give permission for their raw emotions to be unleashed. Hopes, fears, and dreams.
But tonight, something hung in the air between him and Erwin. Or rather, it was more the lack of something.
Or someone.
Armin's birthday was the last time we were here, he thought bitterly. We ate colourful little cakes, gazed at the stars, and gave him a key to Erwin's quarters…
A key Armin had returned only a week later.
"Are you ready to talk about him?" Erwin asked, leaning close to his partner to share body heat.
Levi toyed with his scarf, wrapping it tighter around his neck. But it did little to thaw the chill gripping him.
"What's the point, Erv? He's already made his wishes clear."
"But we never discussed it afterwards, we just accepted Armin's request like it was final. There might still be a chance we could make this work, what if-"
"What chance? He's leaving next week for a six month trip around the world! There's no way we can patch things up before then. And by the time he's back, he'll probably be over us anyway."
"I just think we're not considering all our options. And I mean Armin, too. I think he broke up out of a sense of duty – he's trying to protect our relationship. He's always been concerned about causing a rift between us."
"Well now he fucking is! He's gone, but we're still arguing about him." Levi snorted, a strange sense of fondness creeping over him, like bright flowers popping up in a garden of weeds. "That little brat wormed his way into our lives."
"He did." A smile tugged at Erwin's mouth. "Don't you want to talk to him properly? If he's truly lost interest in us, then at least we'll know for certain, and we'll have to move on. But if he's still interested..." He sighed, gazing up at the stars. "Won't you regret letting him go, without having one last open conversation?"
Levi rubbed his hands together to warm them up. He hated the cold. But for once, the chill night air was a welcome distraction. It helped to numb everything else.
Erwin reached over to cover his hands with his own. They huddled together lost in their thoughts, surrounded by the whistle of the wind and chirping of night creatures.
Levi's voice was raspy when he finally spoke.
"What if he meets someone over there? Someone who can actually give him a normal relationship, like he deserves. I don't want to hold him back from that."
Erwin took a long time before responding, as if choosing his words carefully.
"I think we're all making assumptions about what's best for each other. We believe Armin might be better off in a 'normal' relationship rather than with us. Meanwhile, it seems he might have broken up with us out of a fear that we're better off without him." He turned to Levi, features etched with sincerity. "Can you honestly tell me you're over him? Because I'm not. And I don't think six months apart will change that."
His partner's confession shattered something inside of Levi - an undeniable truth that he couldn't fight, no matter how hard he battled to vanquish it. Hot tears slid down his cheeks, splashing onto his hands still clasped in Erwin's.
And then he remembered the photo.
He pulled a hand free and reached into his jacket pocket to retrieve it. A croaky chuckle escaped his lips as he surveyed the image of the three of them.
No matter what happens with Armin, I don't think I can ever destroy this .
Erwin leaned over to look at it too, seeing it for the first time. He swallowed audibly.
"If there's even the tiniest flicker of a chance to still make this work, don't you want to take it?" Erwin asked softly. "Or at the very least, get a final answer once and for all."
Levi traced his fingers over Armin's smiling face in the photo.
Then taking a deep breath, he gave Erwin his answer.
Armin
After a three day ride, they finally reached the coast.
Armin's horse crested a ridge, and before him lay the ocean – gleaming with the sun's reflection, stretching off endlessly to meet the sky. The soothing rhythm of waves washing on the shore was like heaven. Even the screech of seagulls had its own pleasant melody. Armin closed his eyes, tasting the salty air and relishing the rough caress of the breeze tousling his hair.
He reluctantly opened his eyes as Eren and Mikasa's horses came up beside him. They hovered at the ridge, taking in the large boat by the newly built docks.
"Looks like they're here already," Eren said. "Do you think they want to leave straight away?"
I hope not. I thought I'd have time to walk along the shore first.
Floch rode up beside them, covering his eyes from the sun's glare with his hand as he examined the distant boat. Then his head swivelled towards a movement from further down the beach - a small, dark-haired figure was running towards them.
"It's Tali!" Floch trotted his horse over the sand bank to meet her. Armin, Eren and Mikasa did the same.
Tali's face lit up as she reached them. "It's so good to see you all again."
Today, she was dressed more casually than during the library event – in loose green trousers and a sashed white blouse. Armin smiled to see a large book clutched under her arm. She must have been reading while she waited for them to arrive.
Tali asked about Eren and Mikasa's recent wedding, but her gaze kept snapping back to Floch. She absently turned the book over and over in her hands. Floch seemed to have lost the ability to speak, and fiddled with the reins of his horse.
It was only two weeks ago that Armin found out Tali was to be his, Eren and Mikasa's guide while they travelled. He'd shared the news with Floch at the library. A day later the man handed him a long letter, begging him to give it to Tali when he saw her.
Instead, Armin spoke to Emilia about the situation. After joking about the whims of young love, she gave permission for Floch to take a few days off from his library duties so he could travel to the coast – and meet Tali again in person.
But if they're both too shy to speak to each other, this whole thing might be a waste of time…
"It was amazing, the best day of my life!" Eren told Tali. "And there was so much cake, we were eating it for days afterwards."
His excited retelling of his wedding fell to a hush when Levi and Erwin rode forward.
Armin averted his gaze to focus on the ocean. He'd spent most of the journey here in the company of his friends, sleeping at night in a tent with Floch (Eren and Mikasa shared a separate one). The only interactions he'd had with his ex-partners were formal discussions about their diplomatic trip. It had been weeks since he'd spoken to the men in private – not since Armin broke up with them.
Tali stepped forward at the sight of the Commander, features slipping into formality.
"Commander Erwin, it's wonderful to see you again." She inclined her head.
"Lady Isayama." Erwin bowed his head in return. "We didn't expect the boat here so early. Are you still planning to wait until tomorrow before leaving?"
Armin may have imagined it, but was there a hint of alarm in Erwin's voice?
He'd been surprised that Erwin had come along on this trip at all. For safety measures, it made sense for a few soldiers to accompany Eren, Mikasa and himself to the coast. But it didn't seem necessary for the Commander to waste a few days away from his work.
And as for Levi being here… well, Armin only assumed he wanted to accompany Erwin. He never seemed to have much interest in the beach after all.
"We're not setting sail until tomorrow morning," Tali assured the Commander. "In the meantime, you're all welcome to have dinner onboard with us later. But don't let us delay you if you need to get back to headquarters."
"We'll camp here for the night," Erwin said firmly. "And we'll gladly take you up on the offer of food."
They ate a delicious dinner out on the deck, sitting with Tali and the handful of sailors operating the boat. Afterwards Tali brewed up a large pot of matcha tea for everyone.
Clutching her cup, she explained the travel schedule to Eren, Mikasa and Armin.
"So we're heading straight back to Hizuru, where Kiyomi will hold a celebration for your wedding. Members of the Azumabito clan have been invited, and many are excited to meet you." Tali beamed at Mikasa. "You're a bit of a celebrity back home!"
Mikasa's returning smile looked more like a grimace.
"The rest of the trip is more flexible. Kiyomi has made suggestions for nations she'd recommend you visit for political reasons, but ultimately the choice is yours. I'll go over all the details with you later on – I made up several files of information we can read on the way to Hizuru."
"I can see why Kiyomi chose you to be our guide," Eren said impressed.
"I'm honoured she did! I've travelled with her to many of these cities, so I can show you all the best sights and places to visit."
"Will we have time to visit any libraries?" Armin asked.
Eren and Mikasa rolled their eyes, but Tali answered, "Of course! That's top of my list too."
She shot a glance at Floch sitting close by on the deck. All through dinner, he'd been tongue-tied around his crush. Tali was better at making conversation, but even she seemed a bit flustered.
It can't be easy to relax with so many people around, Armin reasoned. Not to mention the pressure of only a few hours together before being separated again.
Armin cleared his throat and said loudly, "Floch used the camera you gave him to take loads of photos at the wedding."
"Oh really?" Tali's fingers circled her teacup. "Have you any of them with you?"
Floch stared down at the scuffed wooden deck. "No but… um… there's still a few photos left on the reel. I was hoping to take some here maybe…" his voice trailed away into a mumble.
"I can help you take shots of the beach!" Tali sat up straighter, putting her cup down. "I mean, I'm not an expert or anything, photography is just a hobby on the side of my other work-"
"You should go now before it gets dark," Mikasa suggested.
"Yeah, I'm sure nobody will mind," Eren added.
Both flushed and breathless, Floch and Tali took the opportunity to slip away off the boat and down the beach.
"I never thought I'd say this. But Floch's kind of adorable when he's in love," Mikasa said.
Eren threw his arms around his wife and best friend. "That was so much fun! The three of us should get jobs as matchmakers."
But Armin's satisfaction flooded with second doubts. With the couple living so far apart – literally separated by an ocean – could things ever work out between them? The distance might prove to be an insurmountable obstacle.
He pushed his unruly hair back from his face. "Is it wrong of us to encourage them? I mean, maybe they're holding each other back from finding someone else who's more suitable."
"They both really like each other. And Floch's never shown any romantic interest in anybody else." Eren peered at Armin, as if confused by his objections. "Don't you think they should give it a shot?"
Mikasa gave her husband a playful shove. "You really are good at this matchmaking business."
"I just think everyone deserves a chance at happiness," Eren said sagely. "It's like what Captain Levi always says – no remorse."
"No regrets," Armin corrected.
His thoughts, as they so often did lately, sank back to his broken relationship with Levi and Erwin.
Leaving the men to their own relationship was the safest course of action. Despite their feelings for him, it wasn't fair of Armin to get involved with two people who already had a perfect dynamic. The best thing he could do was get out of their lives as fast as possible. Eventually, they'd forget him and move on.
I just hope I can do the same…
The boat gave a lurch, jolting Armin's already uneasy stomach. If it was this bad while they were still tied up at the dock, what would it be like on the open sea? He needed to feel solid ground one more time before their voyage.
"Do you guys want to walk along the beach?" he asked.
Eren and Mikasa declined, both tired from the journey here. Armin stood up and swayed as the boat tilted again. He walked unsteadily to the railings to gaze out over the choppy water. He spotted Floch and Tali sitting on the sand in the distance. Well, he'd make sure to walk along the shore in the opposite direction. The last thing he wanted was to spoil their privacy-
"Armin?"
Erwin approached him, the evening sunlight glinting off his golden hair.
"I know this is last minute, but could we go over a few things before your trip?"
Pulse crashing louder than a wave, Armin turned back towards his friends. "Do you need Eren and Mikasa too?"
"Just you will be fine." Erwin lowered his voice to a whisper. "Are you ok with that? I just want to talk."
So this isn't really about the trip at all…
Picking apart the wreckage of their triad wouldn't do either of them any good. Wouldn't Erwin prefer to just move past it?
But instead of making up an excuse, Armin's curiousity won him over. After all, he was trying to remain friends with his ex-partners. There was no harm in just talking.
"I wanted to walk on the beach before the sun sets. Would you like to join me?" he offered.
Erwin's features relaxed into softness. "Yes, I'd love to. Do you mind if Levi comes too?"
Armin almost snorted. So this definitely was about the triad.
"Sure. But I thought Levi hates walking on the sand?"
Erwin's lips quirked. "Yes, he does. But I'm sure he'll make an exception this time."
Armin feared speaking to the men alone would be awkward. Instead, it was perilously easy to fall back into an easy companionship with them.
"I'm surprised you travelled along to the coast with us, Commander," Armin said. "Were you afraid Eren, Mikasa and I would get lost on our way here?"
Erwin seemed unruffled by the teasing. "Since you're heading off on an official diplomatic trip, I felt responsible for escorting you safely to the docks. Besides, Hange and Mike are covering my duties at home. The Survey Corps will survive for a few days without me."
This was a plausible excuse. But Armin didn't believe it.
"And what about you, Captain?"
Levi, who'd been convinced to walk barefoot on the sand by the other men, scowled as he dodged a patch of broken seashells.
"I wanted a break away from headquarters. See the ocean again." He cursed as his foot sank into a wet patch of sand.
Armin looked back over his shoulder – with the curve of the shoreline, they were now concealed from sight from the Hizuru boat. He gazed out over the shimmering water, reflecting the ambers and pinks of the evening sky. The sun cast everything in a honeyed glow. The remaining knot of tension in his stomach unravelled at the sight.
This was probably all part of their ruse - talking to me somewhere they knew I'd be relaxed!
Enough was enough. Summoning the last vestiges of his resolve, he said, "Alright, stop messing around. I know you're not here to talk to me about diplomacy matters."
Erwin dropped the formal Commander act. "No, you're right."
A strand of seaweed wrapped around Levi's ankle. He kicked it off with unnecessary force. Taking pity on the man, Armin pointed at a sturdy looking sand ridge, well away from the water.
"Let's sit over here."
When they reached it, Erwin laid his cape out on the sand for the three of them to sit on. Without thinking, Armin took a spot in the middle. Before he could scootch over, the other men sat either side of him.
Nobody spoke for a few moments. Without the distraction of walking, a jittery sensation coursed through Armin's body. He folded his hands on his lap, trying to focus on the soothing crash of the waves in the distance.
"Levi and I would like to discuss our triad," Erwin began, in a tone indicating his words were rehearsed. "You're under no obligation to agree to anything. We just ask that you hear us out."
Armin's pulse leapt into action. He knew the abrupt way he'd ended the triad had been cruel. But wasn't it for the best? He didn't want to drag it out for any of them. Ripping a bandage off was best done quickly, after all.
I should just stand up and walk away. They won't force me to listen.
But he remained rooted to the spot.
"We're not quite satisfied with how things ended between us," Erwin continued. "To be frank, I suspect you weren't entirely honest in your reasons for breaking up with us."
Armin drew circles in the sand with his bare foot, buying himself time to reply.
I just want them to move on with their lives. Why are they making this so hard?
"This isn't an interrogation, we're not blaming you." Levi's voice was low and soft – like a wild cat letting its guard down.
"Yes, and we're not guilt-tripping you into getting back together with us," Erwin added. "But the break-up was hard on both of us. We want to be completely sure before we accept that it's truly over."
Levi's foot traced small spiral patterns in the sand next to Armin's. "Did you end things out of some noble aim to protect us?"
Armin hunched forward, raking his fingers through his hair. Crap. So they've figured it out.
Solutions whirled around his head - lies he could tell, ways to convince them he'd fallen out of love with them. His options floated around him like a dense fog. Think.
He gazed up at the sky for inspiration. The sun's descent to the horizon left a trail of molten gold and oranges, igniting the clouds in its blazing afterglow.
The spectacular display set Armin's mind spiralling in a different direction.
After everything we shared, don't they deserve the truth?
He sighed, straightening his shoulders and meeting first Levi's eyes, and then Erwin's.
"You already have everything you could want in each other. I can't let you take the risk of letting me ruin it."
"Isn't that our decision to make?" Erwin shifted his hand to rest beside Armin's, but held back from touching him. "It's not like we walked into the commitment blindly."
Armin refused to be deterred from his point. "We were only together a few months, and look at the strain I already put on your relationship! Is it really worth jeopardising everything you have together for me?"
"Yes."
Levi's reply slammed into Armin like a unforeseen wave. It sent him whirling into a new possibility - one he'd refused to believe since breaking up with the men.
"Do you… do you really mean that?"
Erwin's hand brushed over his, and Armin hardly dared to breath while he waited for an answer.
"I agree. It's worth risking everything for someone we love."
… Love?
A sharp breeze tugged at their clothes, flapping the edges of Erwin's cape underneath them. But Armin felt protected from the cold by the growing flame inside him. He turned his palm around to clasp Erwin's warm hand.
As if encouraged by this signal, Erwin continued, "So now you know where we both stand, we have a proposal."
Possibilities chased around Armin's head, like the seagulls circling overhead. Do they want me to agree to get back together with them?
As much as he wanted that, he'd rushed into forming a triad with the men last time. He wouldn't make the same mistake again.
"I'm sorry. My feelings for you both are the same, but I'm not ready to give a definite answer. I need more time to think it over."
"We agree," Levi said quickly. "Neither of us wants to rush into a decision simply because you're leaving for a few months."
He repositioned himself to lean closer to Armin – a reassuring gesture, but not intrusively intimate. Both men seemed to be respecting unspoken boundaries.
"That's why we have a different proposition." Erwin gave his hand a light squeeze. "How about we leave things as they are for now? But when you return, we'll discuss the matter again. If any one of us is opposed to resuming the triad, then we'll officially end it. But if we're all open to continuing it…"
"We just ask that you don't end things only for our sakes. We're aware of the risks." Levi gave a weak smirk, and nudged Armin with his elbow. "Then again, you might meet someone abroad and forget all about us."
Armin's heart did a flip. This wasn't something he'd even considered – a lot could change over the next few months. Instead of acknowledging this, he addressed something else on his mind.
"If we do decide to continue the triad when I get back, can I tell Eren and Mikasa about it?"
Erwin glanced at Levi. "Actually, we've been talking about this. We both think you should tell them before that."
Armin swivelled his head between both men.
"Even… even if we end up not getting back together?"
"Either way, you deserve to tell them the truth. And perhaps it will help you figure things out if you have someone to talk about it."
"If you want us to be there when you do it, we can arrange that," Levi offered grimly.
A laugh burst from Armin's lips. He had a vivid image of Eren and Mikasa duelling Erwin and Levi on the deck of the boat, like something out of an epic pirate novel.
"No, I better do it alone, when we're thousands of miles away. Otherwise Mikasa might insist on defending my honour."
The sky darkened the longer they talked, shifting into a dark blue streaked with the sun's fading light. Even Armin's warm glow couldn't fight off the chill anymore.
Erwin sighed. "We better get back before nightfall."
The trio reluctantly left their private spot and headed back. They were within view of the boat again, a few stars glinting overhead, when Levi swore loudly.
"Fuck it, I almost forgot!" He dug into his jacket pocket, pulling out a square piece of paper.
No – a photograph.
"Armin, do you remember Floch taking this at the wedding?" Erwin's tone was mischievous.
Oh my GOD. They kept it?!
Armin thought they'd have ripped him out of it. But Levi handed it to him, still fully intact.
Given how the men upheld their masks of respectability in public, he expected Levi and Erwin to look serious in the photo.
Instead, he almost dropped it in shock.
Erwin's arms draped over both men either side of him, an unguarded expression of merriment lighting his features. Whereas Levi's happiness was more subdued. Like the sun peeking out from behind stormy clouds, he seemed to be fighting back an impulsive smile.
All Armin could recall was the intense awkwardness of the situation. He certainly didn't remember grinning at the camera, looking right at home between his ex-partners.
In that brief moment, with the social excuse of posing for a photograph, none of them had been able to hide how comfortable they were with each other.
Armin smiled, blinking back a tide of tears.
No matter what happens – whether we get back together or not – I won't regret the time we shared.
The early morning sunlight sparkled over the water as Armin, Mikasa, Eren and Tali stood on deck, waving goodbye to everyone on the shore. Soon the beach was a distant line on the horizon behind them.
Tali covered her mouth as she yawned. "If you don't mind, I'm going back to bed."
"I'm not surprised. You were up half the night talking to Floch," Eren teased her.
She stumbled away to her cabin, leaving the trio leaning on the railings, watching the boat cut through the endless azure water.
Mikasa fidgeted with her scarf, hair blowing back in the wind.
"You ok, Mika? Getting nervous about all this travelling?" Armin asked.
"I just… I just wish my mother could be here. She would have loved this opportunity to reconnect with her clan."
Eren slid an arm around his wife. "She'd be proud of you. You're honouring her memory by learning more about your heritage."
Mikasa wiped a hand over her eyes. "I might be blood related to the Azumabito clan, but you and Armin are my real family. You know that, right?"
"I think marriage has made you both sentimental," Armin said, trying to lighten the mood. "All these spontaneous declarations of love, the matchmaking, and giving me a ring in front of everyone at your wedding-"
"Speaking of which." Eren shot his wife a maniacal grin. "Don't be mad, but I told Sasha and Connie that we're secretly married to Armin."
Mikasa squeezed her eyes shut. "Oh god, that explains some of the questions Sasha asked me! Who knows what rumours they're spreading about us now."
There would never be a perfect moment for Armin to tell his friends the truth. But now they were discussing three-way relationships (even if it was jokingly), perhaps he could transition into sharing his own news. He glanced around the deck – nobody was nearby.
"Listen, there's something I need to tell you."
Eren patted his arm. "We already know you love us too."
"No, it's not that." He took a shaky breath. "The thing is, I'm in a relationship. And I've been keeping it a secret from everyone."
Eren smirked. "Come on Armin, we know! You've been sneaking around the last few months, looking exhausted and claiming you've been staying up late reading books. We know you were really messing around with someone."
"I wasn't just sleeping with them. We have feelings for each other."
Eren's expression sobered. "Wow… I didn't realise it got serious. You should have told us mate."
"Trust me, he had a good reason not to," Mikasa said.
"Wait, you knew about this? You lied to your husband?"
"I didn't lie. I simply refrained from sharing the truth. And besides, Armin made me promise to stay quiet."
Eren's eyes widened as he studied his best friend. "It's not Floch, is it? No wait… don't tell me you're getting back together with Jean?"
Armin shook his head, forcing the next words out of his mouth.
"Actually… It's Levi."
"YOU'RE SLEEPING WITH CAPTAIN LEVI?!"
Mikasa exhaled loudly, her disapproval clear. "See? That's why he kept it a secret. The only reason I know is because I figured it out."
Eren's initial shocked expression turned into one of awe. Then it quickly shifted back to shock again.
"But wait, Levi's with Erwin! Are you two having an affair behind his back?"
"No." Armin braced himself for the moment of truth. It's now or never. "I was also in a relationship with Erwin."
Eren's brow furrowed as he tried to decipher this perplexing statement.
"So… are you saying they were both cheating on each other with you, and they didn't even know it?"
Armin tried very hard not to laugh. This wasn't how he imagined the situation going at all.
"They did know about it. And it wasn't cheating. The three of us were in a relationship together. It started out casual, but recently it grew more serious."
Mikasa's gaze was fixed on a seagull on the deck's railing, as if it were the most fascinating thing in the world.
Does she disapprove? What's going through her mind?
"Um, Mikasa, did you hear what I said? Are you ok?"
She turned back to face him, her dark hair whipping in the breeze.
"Armin… I… this is…" she shook her head, searching for coherent words. "Are you serious about this?"
"Yes. And before you jump to any conclusions, they never took advantage of me. It was all consensual."
"Well heavens… I can't believe I'm saying this. But that makes way more sense than you having an affair with Levi! I knew you'd never do something like that."
"Wait, how does the relationship even work?" Eren asked. "Do you take turns or…"
"Eren! He doesn't have to talk about that."
"But I'm curious. Armin's been living this whole other life and we had no idea."
Mikasa reached out to squeeze Armin's hand. "I'm sorry for thinking badly of you. But I do wish you could have told us this before now."
"We never intended it to be a long-term thing at first," Armin admitted. "And I'm still figuring out how I feel about it."
Eren let out a whistle. "I have no idea why you'd keep this a secret. You're dating two of the hottest people in the Survey Corps."
"Yeah, but… it's not that easy. Have you ever heard of a three-way relationship? People will think it's weird, or assume Levi and Erwin are taking advantage of me."
The boat gave an unpleasant lurch under their feet. Feeling queasy, Armin slid down with his back to the railing. Mikasa and Eren followed suit.
"It must be hard leaving them for so long. Is that why you decided to tell us now, because you need someone to talk to?" Mikasa asked gently.
Eren slapped a hand on his friend's shoulder. "You can tell us anything, we won't share it with anyone. Even though I still think you should tell Jean to make him jealous," he added in a mutter.
Tucking his legs up close to his chest, Armin sucked in a deep, steadying breath.
And then it was like a dam flooding open. After months of secrecy and silence, he finally had permission – and safety – to spill out all the doubts, fears, and confusion that had plagued him for so long. His friends listened patiently to his tirade (or semi-patiently in Eren's case, as he kept cutting in with questions only to get shushed by Mikasa).
Armin still didn't know if his future lay with Levi and Erwin, no matter how much he'd come to love them. But a sensation of ease settled upon him as he opened his heart to his friends.
He had months ahead of him to figure out whether he wanted to continue the triad when he returned to Paradis. Perhaps his feelings would fade, and he truly would prefer to move on. Or even meet somebody else on his travels. And of course, Levi and Erwin might change their minds too.
They both still have each other. They might realise that's enough for them.
Armin slid a hand under his collar, grasping the ring Eren and Mikasa had given him. Despite all his uncertainty over the triad, adrenaline coursed through his veins. He was embarking on the trip of a lifetime – following his dream of exploring the outside world with his two best friends.
He intended to enjoy every minute of it.
Notes:
I'd love to hear your thoughts, this was a tough chapter to write. Thanks to everyone who's still following this story. There's only maybe 2 chapters left now!