*Author's Note*
Thank you for all the follows, favs, and reviews.
Lil Big Lies
Shaw POV:
When I walked into the bedroom I shared with Jessa, Endor sound asleep against my shoulder, I was met with her sitting on the bed, staring blankly at the wall. She didn't even look at me when I closed the door. It felt eerie, how she was just starin' a hole in the wall and not payin' me any mind. As I placed our son into his crib she continued to stare. She looked like a shell of herself. As I undressed, I studied her, only to come to the conclusion that she seemed to be in some sort of self-imposed guilt and grief over Tolbert's death. My wife looked like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders and I couldn't help, but to feel responsible for that since I pulled the trigger. I took the life of a man that seemed to weasel his way into Jessa's life, but that only caused my wife to feel guilty and to blame.
Clad in only my long john pants, I pulled the covers back from my side of the bed while looking at my wife and suggesting, "Maybe ya ought'a get ready for bed."
"Yea, okay." She nodded, her voice merely a low and guilt-ridden whisper.
As I laid down in bed, pulling the covers over me, she stood up from the bed. Her movements were slow and dragged out, more proof that she was in a self loathin' state of mind. Watchin' her strip with tense, but half-animated motions was hard. It was a hard pill to swallow knowin' that I was the reason Jessa was blamin' herself for that McCoy's death.
It wasn't her fault, well not directly. No, it was my fault he's dead. Mine and mine alone since I shot the ginger fuck. I couldn't handle seein' my wife beat herself up like this, so I flung the covers off and sat up. "I need a nightcap." I sighed before getting out of bed. "I'll be back in a lil bit." I promised, walking over to the door.
I heard the sound of my wife pulling back the covers on her side of the bed as I opened up the door and walked out of our room and into the kitchen.
Goddamnit, I really needed a drink.
Jessa POV:
As I pulled back the covers and get into bed, I heard my husband's barefeet slapping and echoing against the wooden floor followed by the sound of him shutting the door closed. I felt both guilty and rejected as I settled into bed, pulling the covers up and laying my head down on my pillow. It seems that I literally got Tolbert killed while figuratively killing Shaw's soul. I think I also killed my marriage too.
My body started to shake due to my shot nerves. Tears started to track down my cheeks as silent sobs wracked over me. I silently cried into my pillow, shaking with guilt and rejection as the severity of my situation washed over me.
I was unlucky in love and bad for men's health. I caused too much trouble. Trouble that could've been adverted if I would've just stayed with one man from the beginning. Sally told me to be with Shaw from the beginning or else I'd get killed, but I wouldn't listen. I should've listened. It's all my fault that Tolbert's dead; that Shaw's got a dark soul now too.
Meanwhile Upstairs…
Mary POV:
After Todd left my room, I finished reading to Silas and Lydia and then got them ready for bed. After tucking them into their beds in their rooms, I went back to my room and changed for bed. Since I wasn't tired yet, I decided to just read a book in bed. Little Women to be exact. Even tho I had read it a while back for school I liked the book, so much that I was rereadin' it.
Todd POV:
I was sittin' by my window, stewin' an' sippin' on the bottle of shine I had hidden away from my family. I'm lucky that they never found my hiddin' spot (a hollowed-out book I had from when I used to attend school). I wasn't a big drinker like my dad or brother was. Instead, I just drank here and there to calm myself down when I got really mad or when I felt hopeless. Right now, I felt mad, well beyond mad, since I found out that my sister was friendly with a McCoy.
At least Mary was gonna cut that off, or at least she should. I swear, if I catch wind of Billy comin' 'round Mary I'm gonna stick the bastard.
Anse POV:
I was layin' in bed, shoulder t'shoulder wit' my wife an' I couldn't help, but to feel like a tension was in the air 'tween us. Why, I don't know, but it seemed like the tension was comin' from my wife. I didn't like it, but I also didn't wanna open my mouth t'cut the tension only to have to deal wit' my wife havin' a foul mood.
"Anderson." Levicy's single word loomed in the air, slicin' right thru the tension like a knife.
Turnin' my head to look at my wife, I simply hummed, "Hmm?"
"I miss our son an' gran'chil'dren." She revealed, her tone sad, but crisp.
"Levicy…" I sighed, knowing where she was about to go; not wantin' her to go down that path either.
"Cap's been on his own for long 'nough." My wife told me. I didn't say a word. I had cut him off for a reason, a reason my wife knew and understood. Least I thought she understood it. Her eyes bore into mine as she firmly told me, "He needs us, Anderson. His chil'ren, our gran'chil'ren need us."
"Levicy, ya know why I cut him off. His wife-" I began t'explain only to be cut off by Levicy's syrupy snap of, "Allie's crime was that her brother's married to Nancy McCoy and she was tryin' to maintain a strained relationship wit' him. She nev'r thought that his wife an' her cousin would make up lies; try to destroy us thru her." Turnin' onto her side and placin' her hand to cup my cheek, my wife told me, "Our daughter-in-law's proven her loyalty to both us, our son, her chil'ren, an' our family in this time of estrangement." I opened my mouth, but she quickly placed a finger on my lips, silencin' anythin' I was 'bout to say wit' a stern an' truthful remark of, "No McCoys have uttered her name or implied she's helpin' them an' ya know that's true." My wife's eyes were holdin' such grit in them as she told me, "Our son can't keep gamblin' an' huntin' to provide for his family. I won't sit 'round and let our gran'babies starve, Anderson, so either you tell Cap he's back in the family or I'll write a letter to Granny Delize an' get her to talk some sense into ya 'bout this matter."
Oh no, not Granny Delize. That mean ol' bitch'll beat my ass wit' a switch, take me outta her will, an' maybe even gut shoot me for not takin' care o'my gran'chil'ren. An old hag she might be, but the heartless an' hard bitch had a soft spot for gran'babies. If one was harmed, slighted, or put in danger in anyway…well…hell hath no fury…
"Fine, I'll pay him a visit t'morra 'bout this matter."
"Ya better bring our son an' his family back into the fold, Anderson, cause if not…" My wife warned me, letting the unsaid last resort linger in the air after trailing off her sentence.
"He'll be welcomed back, Levicy. Don't worry none." I assured my wife, pattin' her hand 'fore turnin' onto my side.
Well, looks like I'm swallowin' my pride t'morra an' makin' amends wit' Cap. Allie too, I reckon.
Billy POV:
It was late and everyone was in bed, except for me. I couldn't sleep, everythin' that happened this evenin' was weighin' me down. Esspecially how my poppy reacted to the 'death' of his son. God, that tore right thru me. I just sighed as the memory that was fresh in my mind, havin' only just happened a few hours ago, flashed before me like a picture slideshow.
Memory Start…
"Let me tell ev'body 'bout your brother. Only say a word if it's needed." Mama told me as I pulled Tolbert's shine wagon (well my shine wagon now since my brother gave it to me 'long wit' the still an' his land) up to the family cabin.
"Okay, mama." I simply nodded, pullin' hard on the reigns an' bringin' the wagon to a stop.
Quietly, I climbed down from the wagon an' 'rounded it to my mama's side. Quickly, I helped her down. She gave me a sympathetic look, her lips pressed into a thin line, 'fore walkin' by me an' up the porch steps. I just followed right 'hind her, all the while dreadin' the heartbroken an' vengeful reactions my family was sure to have 'bout Tolbert's 'death'.
"Sally, Alifair said ya ran off; told her t'serve dinner. Where'd ya go?" Poppy confronted my mama as soon as she set foot into the house. All o'my siblin's were just starin' at our mother as I followed her into the house. Everyone wanted answers. Thing was, the answer they'd be gettin' soon was a lie.
Mama looked at poppy, who was sittin' in his chair in the main room, an' sadly told him, "I had a seers' vision of Tolbert bein' shot at his still so I went t'him."
"Hell, Sally, ya know 'em visions ain't real. Ain't godly either." My poppy waved off mama's words as she made her way over to 'im while I took a seat on a bench at the kitchen table.
Mama had a serious look on her face as she reached poppy's. Standin' right in front of him, she said firmly, "It was real, Rand'l. Tolbert was dead, shot in the face, when I got there."
And there it is, the lie.
"Tolbert's dead?" Poppy asked, his tone quakin' as his eyes widened an' crossed in confusion, while all o'my siblin's just sat in their seats scattered all ov'r the house wit' shocked looks on their faces. Even the lil ones looked taken aback.
"Yes, husband, he's dead." Mama nodded solemnly.
Poppy shot on of his chair and wailed, "No! No, not my boy!" Oh no, he wasn't takin' this well. "My son can't be taken from me by Hatfields! Can't be possible!"
My mama went ov'r to poppy an' placed a hand on his shoulder while tellin' him, "I'm sorry, Rand'l, but it's true. Tolbert's wild ways wit' Jessa Eldridge got 'im killed by her husband."
"I always knew that Shaw was no good. A lil demon, just like the rest of his damned Vance an' Hatfield kin." Poppy ranted in bitin' tone as mama rubbed his arm, tryin' to calm him down. "Where's my son?"
"In the back of the wagon out front. Boards are made; he's nailed in 'em cause it's gotta be closed casket." I spoke up, answerin' poppy so that my ma wouldn't have to tell him anymore lies.
"Of course, I can't see my son." Poppy howled, soundin' like a wounded animal, 'fore yankin' his arm 'way from mama's touch. "Go tell Reverend Garrett we need words said for Tolbert." Poppy ordered, to no one in particular, 'fore goin' ov'r to grab his hat an' jacket. His movements were draggin' an' broken, showin' that he was hurt by my brother's death.
After puttin' on his jacket an' hat, poppy walked out o'the house. No doubt he's goin' to Pikeville to get drunk at the saloon. Poppy was good for that, goin' on drinkin' binges when he couldn't handle somethin'. He was such a bad drinker that Tolbert nev'r brought any shine home t'store when he lived here. Well, he did once when I was really lil, but poppy drinkin' it was why he nev'r did it 'gain.
End Of Memory…
The sound of the door squeakin' open squashed my memory; causin' me to look ov'r my shouder only to see my poppy stumblin' thru the door. He was drunk; had a crazed look in his eyes too. He loudly slammed the door shut an' stumbled ov'r to where I was sittin' by the fire. "Why're ya still up for, boy? Cryin' ov'r yer brother?" He asked me in a mournful hiss.
"Reckon I'm shocked he's gone." I told my drunkard poppy, hopin' that my answer would suffice an' make him go t'bed.
"Yer shocked? Hell, boy, if anyone's got the right t'be shocked it's me since I was Tolbert's poppy." He barked out in a slur, his eyes flashin' wit' hurt an' hatred in 'em. Gettin' right into my face, he drunkenly spat, "Ya got no right t'be shocked. None at all."
Poppy reeked o'likker, it clung heavy to him like rain water clings to somebody caught in a downpour. I knew if I said somethin' I'd set 'im off, so I just quietly sat an' looked at him. God, soon as I'm 15 I'm outta this hellhole. Shit, how poppy managed t'put a damper on his drunken episodes years 'go when Jessa stayed wit' us is beyond me.
"Ya kinda look like yer brother, but yer red hair's a tad bit darker." He told me, yankin' on one of my auburn curls. Oh god, is he drunker than a skunk. If only mama would wake up an' get him t'leave me alone. Lettin' my piece of hair fall from his fingertips, he sighed, "Hope ya don't end up like 'im too."
"I won't, poppy." I assured him since I had no intentions of gettin' myself killed, whether if be for real or faked t'save my ass.
"Git t'bed, Billy." Poppy ordered me, his tone sad an' drunk, 'fore stumbin' off towards the room he shared wit' mama.
Shaw POV:
After a couple of drinks (that I nursed cause I needed to calm down badly) I went back into the bedroom I shared with my wife. My beautiful, but dishonest and guilt-ridden wife. As I made my way over to our bed, I noticed that Jessa was curled up on her side shakin' and bitin' her fist. She looked horrible in the moonlight. Like she'd just been put thru an emotional wringer.
God, it made me feel like shit seein' her like this. So much so, that despite me bein' upset at her for her betrayal I felt a strong instinctive need to comfort her; to make her feel better. My pride an' hurt wouldn't let me comfort her tho. A darker part of me, the devil on my shoulder you could say, told me to just let her suffer silently (just like I suffered for so long from her antics).
I pulled back the covers and climbed into bed. After pullin' the covers up, I laid down on my side so that my back was to hers. I placed my arm underneath my pillow and laid my head down, all while my wife was quietly fallin' apart behind me. Before, I would've held her and soothed her, but now I can't bring myself to do that. No, not with how badly she hurt me with her dishonesty and lies. Hell, she made her bed so she can lie in it no matter how painful it is. Shit, her lie wasn't a lil white one, but a big whopper that ruined and changed so many lies the instant it was uncovered.
God, I think our marriage was fractured and damaged now. Something I never would've thought possible weeks ago, but now…Reckon time'll heal our bond, but if not, I guess we'll just have a tension filled marriage.
AN:
Well, looks like Levicy has a strong hold on Devil Anse when it comes to their kids. What do you guys think about Jessa's reaction to Tolbert's "death" along with Shaw's reaction to her reaction? And Randall, who saw his drunk reaction coming?