So, I thought about my RWBY crossover Our Hearts are Stolen Goods, and while I had managed to write a few decent chapters, I realised the story wasn't going the way I wanted it to. So, I took a break from it, had an idea how to start it afresh, and decided to go with that. I was partly inspired by a couple of fics where Jaune becomes a phantom thief (LaughingLeFou's The Phantom Nevermore and its revised version, if you're interested). Harry, here, is basically not unlike a phantom thief in some regards, though as you will learn, he will have some of the ruthlessness of at least one famous anime thief, Lupin III.

Anyway, whether this becomes a full fic or not is still up in the air, obviously. Still, there is a small announcement I'd like to make. I'm strongly considering doing a Potterverse crossover with one of the most infamous anime series of all time, and I'm curious as to which of you would read it. And what is this crossover?

Elfen Lied.

Yes. I said Elfen Lied.

OUR HEARTS ARE STOLEN GOODS (REVISED)

CHAPTER 1:

ICE CREAM HEADACHE

Roman Torchwick was not the most pleasant of people. He was a liar, a thief and, while he didn't make it a habit (partly because it brought down unnecessary heat from the cops or Hunters, and partly because he loved wearing white coats, and knew how hard blood was to wash out), he was willing to kill if necessary. Lie, cheat, steal, survive, that was his motto. He didn't have friends, only allies. His family were dead, thanks to the Grimm, and the only other members were even more unpleasant than he was now. His prospects as a Huntsman were torpedoed when he beat a particularly obnoxious bully into a pulp. Apparently that idiot still needed a straw to eat.

However, he had one real light in his life. The only person he trusted completely and utterly. Hell, if he was actually capable of feeling love rather than lust, it would be towards Neopolitan, better known as Neo. Nothing like romantic love: she was too young, about sixteen (and it was hard to tell her age with her rather short stature). Instead, she was his little sister (even without blood ties) and enforcer. Adorable, sweet, obedient, and homicidal. Her Semblance was a thing of beauty, an overpowered thing, true, but he wasn't complaining. His enemies did, though. Quite vociferously. He remembered a White Fang member yelling something about 'hax' before she opened up his throat.

Of course, one of his pet peeves (and it was a fairly long list: it included Faunus in general and the White Fang in particular, Hunters, Grimm, police officers, incompetent underlings, sharing with anyone who's name wasn't Neo, taking orders, jail and banana peels) was competition. He despised any thieves with ambitions close to his level. He hated incompetent ones who brought down more heat from the law. He hated brilliant ones who got away with it not only for similar reasons, but also because Roman felt that there was room for only one stylish criminal mastermind in Vale.

So it was to nobody's surprise, least of all his own, that this newcomer on the thieving scene of Vale irritated Roman.

Not that this was all Roman felt, not that he would ever admit it, save, very grudgingly, to Neo. Reluctantly, he did have some admiration for the newcomer, if only for the guy's audacity and skill. And if truth be told, the newcomer's activities actually distracted away from Roman's own activities: apparently the man had embarrassed Jacques Schnee on one of the few times that the Dust magnate had deigned to visit Vale by turning him into a statue (well, he had been petrified, and he didn't come out of it for hours) amongst the now stolen works of art he was exhibiting at a local gallery. Then again, rumour had it that Schnee had bought stolen goods anyway, or from Faunus he had bankrupted. Apparently said paintings had been returned to their original owners for the most part, though Schnee's wallet, and a fuckton of Lien cards he had with them, had been taken.

And what was more, he gave himself a ridiculously ostentatious name. Hermes. He called himself the God of Thieves and Speed.

He was certainly fast, capable of some sort of teleportation, not unlike Neo's own ability. A Semblance of some sort? And yet, he was also noted for knocking guards and anyone in his way out instantly. In the few months he had been here, Hermes was making one hell of a splash.

What was more, the few items he stole that ended up with fences, the fences would have memory problems. Not the sort of memory problems that were paid for, but rather, blank patches of memory. Again, a possible Semblance, but how did that equate with the teleportation ability? True, Neo's Semblance, on top of teleportation, allowed her to create illusions of herself or others, though her ability to reshape her appearance…ah, now that was another gift entirely.

Still, in the interests of ensuring that he knew as much as possible about Hermes (know thy enemy and all that), he had Neo help him with compiling a dossier. One of the things they were looking for were newcomers to Vale in the past few months and a little further back. As a hobby, a sideline to their usual work. Roman wasn't sure what he'd do if he ever found out who Hermes was. Blackmail might not go so well, especially as there was so little he knew about Hermes' Semblance. Maybe he could offer Hermes employment? That seemed more likely.

Roman liked to keep his organisation small. Indeed, unless he needed to do a big robbery (for which he'd generally rock on up to Junior and ask for some of his henchmen for hire), it was just him and Neo. Roman was the brains, at least where planning was concerned. Neo was the muscle, despite her petite frame. She could outfight most Hunters from Beacon, and had been able to for a few years now. Plus, he valued her input when planning. Still, having another OP thief on side might be interesting.

As he sat in his office in the warehouse they were using as a HQ, Roman heard his Scroll chirrup. He opened up the text message from Neo, and peered at it.

IScream4IceCream: I think I've found him.

Roman frowned, peering at the screen, and typed in a reply.

BartitsuBitchslap(1): Are you sure?

IScream4IceCream: Well, of course I can't be sure. :P Buuut, I think that, even if he isn't our man, he's certainly a person of interest. You see, this guy is pretty damn famous where I come from.

Roman frowned. Now, that was something only he knew about Neo. Neopolitan actually wasn't her birth name, just the name she had assumed when they first met. He had eventually learned about her past, a rather painful past. Although she at least didn't expect Roman to feel sympathetic to her sob story: such stories were a Lien a dozen on Remnant. But the one thing that separated her sob story from all others was a simple, if very hard to believe fact.

Neo was not born on Remnant.

BartitsuBitchslap: Okay…so, what is that meant to mean? You mean amongst the inbred retarded hicks that you grew up amongst, or are we talking the more general type of celebrity, into sex, drugs, and appalling plastic surgery that makes you look like a Grimm skull is trying to burst forth from beneath your skin?

He knew that had set her off laughing (insomuch as she could laugh when she didn't have a voice, anyway), as the reply took a very long time to come back.

IScream4IceCream: Ow, my lungs. Don't make me laugh so hard. I dropped my Scroll. Anyway, the former.

Well, that was interesting. That might explain where some of the abilities came from. Roman actually smiled at that.

BartitsuBitchslap: Oh, really? So, do you think we have an in?

IScream4IceCream: Maybe. I thought he was meant to be a goody two-shoes, but, well…if he is Hermes, maybe he has just a touch of kleptomania. Actually, he's quite cute. ;3

BartitsuBitchslap: *rolls eyes* Just remember, try not to spook him.

IScream4IceCream: Right. It's just like that stray cat I brought home.

BartitsuBitchslap: One, he is not your pet. Two, I am not paying for any medical or veterinarian bills this time.

IScream4IceCream: That's okay, he's not a retired soldier anyway. And if I recall, you were the one who left that box of Fire Dust open. So that cat-astrophe was your fault!

Roman winced at the bad pun. He knew Neo actually missed that damned cat, and used the humour to cope. Still…

BartitsuBitchslap: That pun physically hurt me.

IScream4IceCream: You mad(2)?

BartitsuBitchslap: More irritated than anything else. So…what to do about our friend?

IScream4IceCream: Ah, now that's the thing. I'm currently in a booth at Junior's. The heavy bass of this doof-doof music is gradually turning my brain into mush and my ear bones into powder, but I digress. Our quarry is currently having a drink. Despite him being my age. Hmm, he has a nice arse, I can see that from here.

BartitsuBitchslap: Should I be worried for your virtue?

IScream4IceCream: ROFLMAO! Virtue? What's that? Is that Spruce Willis' new cologne line?

BartitsuBitchslap: Okay, poor choice of words. I meant your chastity. Not to mention that I'm too young to be an uncle, and you're definitely too young to be a mother.

IScream4IceCream: I don't go for one-night stands. I prefer umbrella stands. Anyway, you want me to approach him?

BartitsuBitchslap: Carefully. Don't let on that you suspect him of being Hermes. And for Oum's sake, avoid causing a scene, especially in front of Junior. If he suspects anything…well, you know he sells info to the highest bidder.

IScream4IceCream: I am the very picture of discretion. :P

With that, Neo closed the messenger app, and then got up from her seat, before strutting over to her target, whistling softly to herself. As she did so, she thought back to her family, her home. A home that she escaped by happy accident.

True, life on the streets on Vale was tough, and she had nearly ended up the fucktoy of the Boss, Junior's rather depraved uncle and predecessor in running this particular crime gang. But Neo gutted that child molester like a fish, using one of the Boss' own blades. Roman, then a small-time crook who had been paying the Boss protection, had stumbled across them when he was due to meet the Boss…and had promptly and calmly told her to carry on. From then on, they were inseparable.

Lie. Cheat. Steal. Survive. The watchwords of Roman Torchwick and his pint-sized partner-in-crime. They were effectively siblings as much as they were colleagues. They only truly trusted each other, and nobody else.

Still…this looked like an intriguing opportunity. Hermes was already one of the most infamous thieves in Vale, almost eclipsing Roman, which could be a good thing, or a bad thing. True, Roman preferred to fly under the radar, to try and avoid unnecessary entanglements with the law, but having a flashy distraction might help in some cases.

Neo scowled to herself as she watched the Malachite twins try to put the moves on her target. Melanie and Militia. Many thought them Junior's pet tarts, but while that was somewhat true, most thought that the Malachites were Junior's lovers. Actually, they were the daughters of one of his former comrades, a friend murdered by the Boss, and they had grown to become his pet enforcers, at least within his club. They were also his honorary nieces, and he didn't go for them quite that young anyway. He'd sometimes pretend to, true, but he didn't sink to the depths his uncle did. Plus, it was the Malachites who'd managed to tell Neo about the name of the patron who'd caught her eye, a patron who resembled descriptions of the one she thought he was.

Still tarts, though, and Neo preferred ice cream to tarts. No prizes for guessing what flavour.

As she strutted over, the Malachites saw her coming. She noted that her target hadn't fallen prey to their wiles. Oh, he was looking, he clearly liked what he saw, but he seemed content to just look. Fair enough, if she swung that way, she'd tap that too, and hard. But she didn't. So she gestured at the Malachites to bugger off and leave the target to her. The twins left with a little bad grace, but leave they did.

Neo then planted her derriere on the seat next to her target, and gestured at the bartender. He was an old hand, and he knew what she liked. She made a few gestures that he knew meant, 'get me my usual, and I'll pay for this guy'. To emphasize the point, she plucked out a Lien card and slid it over.

The target glanced at her briefly. Again, he seemed interested, but didn't do more than glance. "And who are you?" he asked curiously.

The bartender chuckled as he slid Neo a drink. "She doesn't talk, kid. She can't talk. Her name's Neopolitan. Yeah, like the ice cream."

The target turned to face her, looking her up and down. "Huh. Suits you."

She looked him up and down too. Scrawny, rather short for his age, like her, she was sure. A messy mop of black hair framed handsome but pain-filled features. Emerald eyes peered at her from behind glasses.

And there, from beneath his fringe, snaked a lightning bolt scar.

Her mismatched eyes, chocolate brown and strawberry pink, met his own emerald ones. And then, she felt a familiar pressure, an almost forgotten one, behind her eyes. Shit, he knows Legilimency?! were her initial panicking thoughts. She hadn't practised Occlumency for ages, so she was pretty rusty.

She half-expected him to attack. Instead, after a moment, he gave a rather tired smile, and held out his hand. "Please to meet you, Neo," he said. "I'm Harry Potter. But…I'm sure you knew that already…"

CHAPTER 1 ANNOTATIONS:

Well, this is a turn-up for the books. Harry's ended up in Remnant, and he's met Neo. Oh, and he's a phantom thief. Sort of.

I chose Hermes as his name, partly because his ability makes it appear that he's very fast, and partly because Hermes was a patron deity of thieves.

1. Bartitsu is a form of martial art created by English engineer Edward Barton-Wright that, amongst other things, involves walking sticks. It's fairly famous, albeit as the differently spelled 'Baritsu', in the Sherlock Holmes stories. On Wikipedia's article for Bartitsu, Roman Torchwick is mentioned as using this.

2. Roman's comment and Neo's reply are similar to Lancelot and Diarmuid's exchange in episode two of Fate/Cero, an Abridged Series of Fate/Zero.