Ugh, bloody plot bunnies. Rest assured that Prodigal Daughter and Owls of Athena are still being worked on. However, this idea wouldn't leave me alone, and nor would a Sekirei idea you might see here in the near future. Both ideas come, at least partially, from the challenges of whitetigerwolf. This one is my second stab at the 'Drunken Recruit' challenge. This is also my second Potterverse crossover with GATE: Thus the JSDF Fought There...and one that I intend to sidestep some of the harsher political elements of the story, as you'll see below, considering who's president of the US in this story.

Also, while I don't intend to leave Tyuule in the lurch, she won't be part of the pairing this time. Hell, I'm seriously considering a harem, with Delilah and Yao frontrunners for being part of it. But that's early days yet...

EDIT (30/10/18): Due to some dissatisfaction with the way the story was turning out, I originally decided to put the story on the backburner. But after some thought, and completing some chapters of Worlds Apart, I decided to revisit Another Fine Mess..., and revise it substantially. I intend to change the beginning of the story to the day of the Ginza Incident, have Mari as Harry's relative, and potentially have a Harry/Shino/Tuka/Yao pairing.

ANOTHER FINE MESS (ORIGINAL)...

CHAPTER 1:

HERE WE GO AGAIN

"This is all your fault, you know."

A short but surprisingly buxom Japanese woman in her mid-twenties scowled at the one who spoke to her. "It's not my fault you can't handle your liquor. And quiet down, we've got to listen to the PM AND Lieutenant General Hazama before we go through."

The dark-haired European boy rolled his emerald eyes behind his glasses. Unlike most of those surrounding him, he wasn't dressed in combat uniform. He had a ballistics vest and a helmet (under which his scalp was getting mighty itchy), and an irritated moue to his lips. "He's not my PM. Besides, as a civilian contractor, as I believe the JSDF finally plumped on officially calling me that, I retain the right to be disrespectful to the chain of command, Shino."

"That's Sergeant Kuribayashi to you, second cousin."

"Is Second Cousin a rank?" snarked the young man.

"Don't you sass me, brat."

"You're only five years older than me. Then again, if I was Japanese instead of an English gentleman, I'd be calling you a Christmas Cake(1)."

"Take that back! I'm only 24!" she hissed.

"Never," he said smugly.

"Anyway, the more popular term these days is 'New Year Noodles'," Shino retorted. "And watch your mouth, Harry."

Harry rolled his eyes again, but was quiet as the Japanese Prime Minister began some long-winded speech. He wasn't really interested, and truth be told, he'd probably be sent through a few days after the first lot of soldiers were deployed, given that he was, officially, a civilian contractor. In truth, he was, thanks to a drunken night out with his Japanese second cousin, the unofficial magical liaison officer for the JSDF, a post that, thanks to one rather brutal day in the Ginza district of Tokyo, had now become more important than ever.

It had happened after the war with Voldemort in Britain. Harry, in a desperate need to be anywhere but with the fame, had decided to see if he could find other family. The Goblins, after their anger over the break-in had been smoothed over (with a lot of Harry's gold), had agreed to a full inheritance test…and Harry had discovered, to his shock, that he had relatives in Japan. With his relationship with Ginny over, albeit on amicable terms (the spark that had been there during his sixth year had faded after her breaking up with him), and Teddy being raised by his grandmother, Harry opted to come over and meet his relatives, after being given a crash course in Japanese by Hermione, as well as how to cast a translation charm.

His mother had a half-Japanese cousin, which meant that Harry had two Japanese second cousins, Nanami and Shino Kuribayashi. Nanami was only a year older than him, and an aspiring TV reporter, while Shino was a soldier in the Japanese Self-Defence Forces. Thankfully, they were also aware of magic, as their father was actually a Squib who had been cast out of the family. They were unaware that they were, albeit distantly, related to the infamous Harry Potter, and spent some time getting to know him. It culminated in Shino persuading Harry to have drinks with her in a bar…and about the only good things Harry could say about that night was that he didn't end up sleeping with Shino, and that nobody got injured or killed…though one rather belligerent man by the name of Major Osamu Higaki's dignity took a fatal blow.

The upshot was, the next morning, Harry woke up in Major Higaki's office with a splitting hangover, sprawled on a graffiti-infested desk, while a goat chewed on paperwork and a few Japanese officers looked at him with various degrees of amusement, bemusement and belligerence. The crux of the problem wasn't quite the whole vandalism thing: Harry had vandalised Higaki's office because his cousin had been bitching about a major 'with a fifty metre stick where the sun don't shine', and Higaki was one of those officers whose usefulness and competence, sadly, far outstripped his geniality. He was an unpleasant pedant who kissed arse with his superiors, and chewed out the arses of his inferiors.

No, the crux of the problem was that Harry managed to sneak into a fairly well-guarded JSDF base, and wasn't even noticed until the next morning. Given these post-9/11 times, as well as increasing tensions with North Korea, to have someone sneaking into the office of an officer was understandably a problem. Things got trickier when Harry learned that many officers in the JSDF were aware of magic, and Lieutenant General Hazama and his ADC, 1st Lieutenant Yanagida, were both aware of his reputation.

Officially, in order to smooth things over, Harry was invited to become a civilian contractor with the JSDF. Unofficially, especially given the dubious legalities involved, Harry had become a magical consultant for the JSDF. Basically, he'd been conscripted, with that smarmy sod Yanagida citing his 'experience in dealing with magical warfare'. They weren't going to keep him in the JSDF for long, just long enough to have him consult on counter-wizard strategies in case someone like Voldemort ever arose in Japan.

And then, the Gate appeared, throwing those plans to the wind.

It had been about a week since the disastrous pub crawl that led to this. The Kuribayashis and Harry were on a shopping trip, partly to cheer Harry up about what happened. They were in Shinjuku, when they started hearing news about something happening in Ginza. Shino and Harry rushed back to the JSDF base, only to find that it was a moot point: the police and the JSDF had handled the situation…only, what a bizarre situation it was.

Even now, many were calling it the new September 11. What looked like a Greco-Roman gateway seemed to materialise within the Ginza District, before it soon disgorged an army. And not just any army, but an army seemingly made up of Roman soldiers, orcs, ogres, and even dragon-riders. Even now, the civilian casualty figures were still being confirmed, with over three hundred confirmed dead, and scores missing, some even thought to have been abducted by the invading army, due to eyewitness accounts having some of the invaders abduct civilians, particularly women. There'd also been a number of incidents of rape. The police and the JSDF wiped out the invaders, capturing a few of them alive. Japanese Ministry of Magic officials interrogated them using Legilimency.

What they managed to gain from them was interesting…and disturbing. These men came from another world called Mondas(2), specifically from a continent called Falmart. They were soldiers of the Saderan Empire, led by Emperor Molt Sol Augustus. And they wanted to invade to subjugate any lands they came across, take prisoners as slaves and loot whatever treasures they could find. All in the name of spreading 'civilisation', or at least their version.

Of course, mounting any kind of punitive expedition through the Gate was tricky, to say the least, especially with the legalities involved. Article 9 of the Japanese constitution, after all, forbade the Japanese from going to war, with their military purely used for self-defence, hence the title Self-Defence Forces. The politicians, though, with assistance from the United States, had managed to find a way around this. Harry, incidentally, was glad Obama won, and not that wanker Dirrell.

All of which meant that Harry, while technically a civilian contractor, had to undergo some training at the JSDF, something Shino took perverse and sadistic delight in, acting as a belligerent sergeant major or a drill sergeant from a film, somewhere between William Hartnell and R Lee Ermey(3). He got back at her, though, with a few pranks (one of which basically meant Transfiguring her BDU into Samus Aran's Zero Suit from Metroid, much to the appreciation of resident otakus 1st Lieutenant Itami and Sergeant Kurata) reminding her that he had gone through worse than Basic Training, and he didn't appreciate her attitude. And Harry could handle the training. After living rough while on the run from the Death Eaters, Basic Training was a doddle by comparison.

Soon, the Prime Minister finished his speech, and Hazama took the stage. His speech, thankfully, was considerably more laconic than the Prime Minister's. Soon, the troops were ready to go through. "Oi, Shino, good luck!" he called out to his cousin, as she boarded an APC, with him going to be on a vehicle bringing up the rear.

"We're facing off against Roman soldiers who haven't even learned how to create gunpowder. Hell, the first expedition through wiped out the army there," Shino said, her face an odd mixture of anticipation and pity towards the enemy…well, those who weren't in the raping and pillaging business. "They're the ones who need luck…"

A few hours later, Harry was at a desk in a tent, poring over reports. The JSDF base in this world had been established on a place the natives called Alnus Hill, and scouts had reported a substantial army coming their way. While Harry might be called upon to fight in certain situations, pitched battle wasn't one of them. So, instead, he was being kept out of the way, until the battles were done, and to be honest, it was a relief. He'd been briefed by 1st Lieutenant Akira Yanagida that he would probably be sent along with one of the reconnaissance teams that they would be sending out to gather more intelligence about Falmart, as well as begin a 'hearts and minds' campaign amongst the populace. Hopefully, that wouldn't backfire.

He was looking at the reports of what the Ministry officials managed to glean from the heads of the invaders. There were multiple non-human species living here, more or less openly as opposed to home. The Elves here were the classic Elves of fantasy, High Elves and Dark Elves, as opposed to House Elves, and, much to the delight of the otakus, there were beings who looked like humans, but with animal-like traits. There were Catgirls, Dragonids, Bunny Warriors, and so on.

Of course, of considerable concern were the deities of this world, who were apparently very real, and their Apostles. Apostles were regular beings who, in exchange for a 1000 years of service to their chosen deity, were given immortal bodies and superhuman abilities. One of those whom the Japanese Ministry had used Legilimency on had encountered the Apostle of Emroy, the local god of war and calamity. This Apostle was Rory Mercury, who, by Earth standards, looked like a 13 year old girl wearing Gothic Lolita-style clothes, though apparently they were priestess vestments here. She was obviously one they had to look out for, just in case she took umbrage. Of course, she could also be a potential ally, even if a fickle one.

In a perverse way, coming to Falmart actually felt like a fresh start for Harry, even if he was going to be in a warzone. Ever since the fall of Voldemort, Harry had had enough of Magical Britain and its fickleness, its mercurial nature towards its heroes. True, the flaws of wizards were merely those of humanity, magnified, and humanity had a tendency to demonize its heroes. But he despised being on the receiving end, and knew that the gratitude he received was hollow. He only really trusted his surviving friends, and frankly, they had lives of their own, now.

Here, there was an entire world to explore, new people to meet, without preconceived notions of who the Boy Who Lived was. Plus, he had to admit, when she wasn't dragging him into trouble, Shino was a fun relative to be around. She was like his big sister rather than his second cousin, and he badly needed that familial connection.

His mind went to one of the key personnel here, 1st Lieutenant Yoji Itami. The Hero of Ginza, he was called, because of his heroic actions during Ginza, saving a police officer from one of the soldiers attacking, as well as helping with the evacuation and getting people safely into the Imperial Palace. Harry's impression of him was…well, he was like Ron. Lazy, indolent, and coasting by on life. But, when push came to shove, he does the right thing, and did it well. Still a major otaku, though, and he was a JSDF reservist (basically their equivalent of the Territorial Army back in Britain), promoted to 1st Lieutenant because of his actions in Ginza.

Shino didn't like him, and that impression only increased when Harry did some digging, and found out that Itami had actually gone through Ranger and Special Forces training. The fact that he only scraped by into said qualifications did little to reassure her. She'd gone on an amusing rant about how someone so lazy couldn't have possibly have done something so badass. Personally, Harry thought that his cousin was in denial.

Still, it looked like things would be pretty hectic for a while. Maybe something interesting would come along…

CHAPTER 1 ANNOTATIONS:

So, Harry's a 'civilian consultant' with the JSDF. Well, chaos is going to ensue. There'll be a timeskip to when the 3rd Recon Team heads out…

1. 'Christmas Cake' is an infamous Japanese pejorative term for women over 25, deriving from the fact that nobody wants Christmas Cake past the 25th of December. Apparently 'New Year Noodles' has become more popular lately, but with similar connotations, only with over-31s being insulted.

2. I used Mondas as a placeholder name for the Special Region world in my Star Wars crossover GATE: Thus the Chosen One Fought There, so I decided to use it here. Mondas sounds rather like 'Mundas', a Latin name for the world, and was used as the name of the first Cyberman homeworld from Doctor Who: The Tenth Planet.

3. R Lee Ermey, of course, infamously played Gunnery Sergeant Hartman from Fullmetal Jacket. William Hartnell, before he became known as the First Doctor in Doctor Who, was notoriously typecast as sergeant majors or criminal thugs, something that he thought Doctor Who was a relief from.