When Push Comes to Shove Pg.1
A few other notes to make. First, I will try to place a trigger warning at the beginning of the chapters that need them, I apologize in advance if I forget. Second, all statements in Italics are inner thoughts and boldened statements are song lyrics. A lot of this story I wrote with very specific songs in mind for certain scenes and therefore I want to make sure that it's included in the story in some way. Songs in this chapter include
Wild Horses (fear) – The Sundays
CHAPTER 1. The Yule Ball
Hermione looked herself over in the mirror. She was wearing a flowing floor-length silver-to-black ombre dress. The halter and collar were made of glistening silver and the sleeves draped off her shoulders, held above her elbow by silver cuffs. On the table beside her four-poster bed sat a delicate silver headpiece. It was covered in silver leaves and emerald-centered flowers.
She had spent the past 2 hours trying to tame the wild, curly hair that now reached down to her lower back. With a sigh, she flicked her wand, and her hair swept off her neck and placed itself gently in a low-laying bun. She performed a glamor charm to apply her makeup, placed the floral headpiece and before she could obsess over it a moment longer, she turned heel to leave.
Hermione normally wouldn't care about what she looked like. She had learned over the years to love herself for who she was, but as much as she prided herself on being different from her other female roommates, it had devastated her when Ron didn't ask her to the Yule Ball as his date. Once again, the boys had looked past her as an option.
As she nervously descended the stairs from Gryffindor Tower, her heart pounded so loudly she was sure the paintings could hear it. On the surface she held her head high, determined to evoke the idea that she was a young woman who was strong and independent. Inside her, however, beneath that prideful, know-it-all façade, was just a girl, longing to be seen as more than just the golden girl and friend to Harry Potter.
She wanted to curse herself.
Don't be so pathetic. You are Hermione Granger!
She closed her eyes for a moment, drawing up the walls of her occlumency library. She wasn't the best at it, not that she would ever admit that to anyone. She had enough practice and understanding, due to her ability with memory charms, but other people's minds were always easier to deal with than her own. "Chaotic and full of knowledge" was how her primary teachers had described it to her.
At the doors of the Great Hall, Hermione could see all the couples gathering for the grand entrance. During the previous Yule Ball, it had been the Triwizard Champions who were given the grand entrance. This year, McGonagall got the idea that it should be Hermione, Harry, Ron, and Neville; which the Prophet had taken to calling the Formidable Four.
Harry was bringing Ginny. They weren't together, as Ginny had discovered over the summer that she wasn't interested in boys at all but in fact…Susan Bones. Susan wasn't out to her family yet, so Ginny had agreed to go with Harry and Susan with Seamus.
Ron had searched high and low for a date, he burned the bridges with Padma, Parvati, and Lavender. You would think being one of the 'golden trio' and 'formidable four' would make getting a date easier, but there are some things that just are not forgivable. When it got so close to the holidays that he thought he would have to go stag, Lily Moon caught him after potions class. She was a sweet girl, airy and bubbly like Luna, but with a bite to her that reminded you she wasn't someone to mess with.
Neville was bringing Luna. They worked well together, Neville with his brilliance in Herbology and Luna's love for all creatures, magical or otherwise. They were the perfect power couple of nature.
Hermione had failed in her search for a date. So, she would walk in alone. Ever since the war had ended, Hermione felt like she had slipped through the cracks. She had thought that after their kiss in the Chamber of Secrets, that she and Ron would become a thing, but once everything had calmed down, he never pursued it further.
She stuck to the corners and shadows, not ready to be seen. She had picked her outfit specifically to spite Harry and Ron. Head turning, and not a hint of red or gold. Maybe this time they would see her as more than a book of knowledge to use when it was convenient to them.
Just as the doors were set to open for the grand entrance, Hermione felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned and was greeted by the face of Viktor Krum.
"Viktor! What are you doing here?" She said, wrapping him into a hug.
"Hermy-own, my malka ptitsa. I am here for you." A smile that reached ear to ear crossed her face at his words.
Even after all these years, he still couldn't pronounce her name. It didn't bother Hermione anymore, it actually made her feel quite nostalgic. Reminding her of times long before the war-scarred girl she was now.
"Me? Why?" She asked pulling out of the hug to look at him.
"We may not be dating, but I would never let you attend a ball without a date" He said.
Her eyes misty with tears, she wrapped him up in another hug. "You're such a good friend Viktor. You have no idea how happy I am to see you"
"Dry those tears malka ptitsa, don't let them think you weak." He said, reaching up to wipe the tears from her cheek.
Viktor was surprisingly insightful. He hadn't been the smartest in school, but he gave great advice and was revered by his peers. He took her hand and led her to the line-up for the grand entrance. She cast a final glamor charm to touch up her makeup and with a flick of her wand her cloak lifted from her shoulders and hung itself on the hooks outside the great hall.
Collective gasps could be heard by the attendees behind her. Hermione's cheeks flushed. Her entire back was exposed, her dress resting in the dip of her back. Harry and Ron were at the front of the line, laughing and joking with one another so they hadn't noticed the entire room's focus shift to Hermione.
A wave of relief washed over Hermione as McGonagall walked up to them, announcing that they were ready to begin. Steadying herself, Hermione occluded her fears and drew up a smile as the doors to the Great Hall opened and the fanfare began.
Taking Viktor's arm, she marched into the great hall behind Neville and Luna. She looked out at everyone in the crowd. She could see Seamus and Susan, Lavender and Cormac, and several first years she hadn't yet learned the names of. Then she caught a glimpse of dark and stormy silver eyes, the eyes of Draco Malfoy. She pulled her gaze from his, but not before she caught what she could have sworn was a smile.
Did Malfoy just smile at me? …No. Don't be stupid.
Hermione and Viktor took their place on the floor, and when the music started, the began their dance just as they had 4 years ago.
"Why were you coming alone?" Viktor asked
"Well, nobody asked me. I thought Ron would seeing as he kissed me during the final battle, but things just went back to the way they were before." Hermione said softly.
"Don't worry about him malka ptitsa, if he doesn't see you, he is not worth your time." He said lifting her chin and wiping her eyes for the second time that night.
"I'm not crying about Ron, not really. He's part of it, but it's bigger than that. I feel like the two of them, Harry and Ron, always have each other. They hang out together, they study together, they do everything with each other, and I'm the one left behind unless they need something. It's always been that way, but it bothers me more now because I thought we had gotten past all that during the battle."
She was tired of talking about it, she knew the language barrier with Viktor was still a problem, even if his English was improving.
"Enough about my problems Viktor, how is your life? How's the boyfriend? What was his name? Erik?"
"Yes. He is good. We are good." Viktor smiled.
Hermione and Viktor had continued to keep in contact over the years, she had been the first person that he came out to a year ago. The only person. He had to be careful until he could move out of Bulgaria and into Norway with his boyfriend.
"I'm parched," Hermione said as the song came to an end. "Let's go get something to drink"
As they crossed the floor, Hermione saw Harry and Ron sitting at a table. She crossed the room to them pulling Viktor behind her.
"Hey, Viktor and I were going to get something to drink, could we sit with you?" Hermione asked looking from Harry to Ron. Harry looked pleased to see her, but Ron had a look in his eye that sent a chill down Hermione's spine.
"No, we don't want to share a drink with Viktor. You never stay loyal to your house and school do you 'Mione?" Ron spat.
"Excuse me? What is your problem?"
"My problem? You come here wearing that and clinging to Viktor like a pathetic wannabe pureblood. Who even are you Hermione?" Ron's whole face was red, and Harry had gone pale.
"Wannabe pureblood?" Tears threatened to spill from Hermione's eyes.
"Yes, so Viktor, why don't you run along, before I tell the daily prophet all about that little boyfriend I heard about in Hermione's letters," Ron said with a smile on his face. He was winning.
Viktor's face told Hermione all she needed to know. He wouldn't abandon her even if Ron was telling the truth. "Viktor, go. I'll be okay. Thank you so much for coming here for me. You are such a wonderful friend, but I will not let you stay here and be insulted like that. Go! I promise I will be okay."
It felt like a lifetime before Viktor tore his eyes away from the boys. He looked at Hermione and softened his look before leaning down and kissing Hermione on the cheek. "I'm sorry." He said.
"Don't be sorry for something you didn't do. Now go!" She said, shooing him in the direction of the door.
With her back turned she heard a snort come from one of the boys behind her. She was confident about who it was and with all the rage in her body, she turned around and shouted.
"HOW DARE YOU?! JUST WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!"
"Hermione, please calm down, you're making a scene." Harry pleaded
"OH! AM I?! I'LL SHOW YOU A SCENE!" She hit them both with a bat-bogey hex.
Childhood living is easy to do
She stormed out of the great hall, all eyes turning to see the cause of the commotion, once she was in the atrium, she collapsed on the stairs in tears.
The things that you wanted; I bought them for you
She was furious, her hands felt hot. If she wasn't careful, she would lose control of her magic. She closed her eyes, desperate to occlude.
Graceless lady, you know who I am
She placed everything gently into books on shelves and tucked them away at the back of the library. It wasn't the easiest way to occlude, but it had been the only one she could successfully concentrate on long enough to make it work.
You know I can't let you slide through my hands
She took her shoes off and leaned against the wall. This night had not gone to plan. She should have just stayed in her dorm. It all felt exactly like the last Yule Ball. A hand reached out in her peripheral. She turned and followed the arm up to the face it was attached to. She could never have guessed that when she looked up, the face she would be greeted with would be that of Draco Malfoy.
Wild horses couldn't drag me away
"Dance with me," he said so quietly she almost didn't hear him.
She couldn't answer; she was speechless. The Hermione Granger unable to form words. She kept staring at him, looking for some sign as to what he was playing at. But when she caught his eye, she saw something. A spark of genuineness that she had never seen before.
Take his hand. What's the worst that could happen?
She reached for his hand and he pulled her up and into his arms.
Wild horses couldn't drag me away
He guided them out of the atrium and back into the great hall. They began to dance through the crowd of collective gasps.
I watched you suffer a dull, aching pain
As they danced, Hermione looked Draco in the eyes, searching for that glint again. He noticed her examining him. She had to speak or who knows what he might start to think.
"Why?" Hermione asked. She had to pry that one word from her throat.
What is wrong with you?
He didn't answer right away. Hermione could see him clench his jaw and tense his hands. He was nervous.
"I couldn't just let you sit there like that Granger." He managed to say.
"Why?" She said again.
Great, now you sound like a broken record.
And now you've decided to show me the same
"Do you want the long or short answer?" He asked catching her eye with his.
She didn't answer. Draco sighed.
"They will never be good enough for you." He said, "Either of them. They can't see you. They never have and they never will. They are too selfish… and blind."
"Some think I am not good enough for them." She said with enough venom to easily infer what she meant by that. Her blood.
No sweeping exits or offstage lines
He tore his eyes from her looking around the room as he steeled himself, but when his eyes snapped back to hers she saw that they were filled with rage.
Could make me feel bitter or treat you unkind.
"You listen to me Granger. You are beyond them. And you shouldn't settle just because you think that it's what you're supposed to do. Do you hear me? You do not be with anyone who isn't 100% worthy of you. You do not let those two dictate your life. Take control of it. Because you deserve someone who will pick you first. Someone who never thought once of anyone else but you. Do you understand me?"
Wild horses couldn't drag me away
Her heart was pounding in her chest. His eyes locked with hers. She shook her head, still struggling with words. Draco slowed their stride long enough to remove his hand from her waist. Gently but with conviction, he wiped a tear from her eye.
"Answer me Granger." He pleaded.
"Yes. I understand."
He smiled down at her and gave her a twirl. She returned his gesture with a sad smile. She still didn't understand this game he seemed to be playing. She needed to know more.
Wild, wild horses, couldn't drag me away
She looked around as they crossed the dance floor. She couldn't see Ron or Harry anywhere. A small part of her had hoped they would see her dancing with Malfoy.
"By the way." He leaned in and she could feel his breath on her neck. "You look beautiful." Her breath hitched.
I know I've dreamed you
For a mudblood.
She felt him tense. Had she said that out loud?
A sin and a lie
She looked up to meet his gaze and found his eyes were gently glazed over. He was occluding... heavily. Hermione felt her hand reach up to touch his face.
What am I doing?
I have my freedom, but I don't have much time
His eyes cleared and silver met gold.
"Don't call yourself that again."
Faith has been broken
His words stabbed at her heart. Why does he care what she calls herself? How did he know? Did he use legillimancy on her? Her skin prickled with anger. He has called her that more than anyone else. Where does he get off telling her what she can and cannot do?
"You have called me that, yourself." She said matter-of-factly
Tears must be cried
The look he gave her was full of heat, had he not been occluding, she was sure he would have screamed at her, but instead he spoke with an almost unsettlingly level tone.
"Not since I was 14. Not since…" He pulled his gaze away, deep in thought. He looked troubled, like he was fighting an internal battle with himself.
"Not since…What?" She said, trying to pull the answer from him without angering him.
Let's do some living, after we die
When he spoke it was barely above a whisper. As if he himself was afraid of what he was about to say.
"Not since the Quidditch World Cup"
Her heart skipped a beat, threatening to stop altogether.
"I don't understand." She said as he twirled her again.
"It's easier to show you. But you will have to trust me. Can you do that?"
Wild horses, couldn't drag me away
Hermione was afraid. But her fear wasn't of him, it was of the unknown. She remembers that day well, but what could have happened to Malfoy then to cause such a change to occur within him?
"Okay."
He slowed them down and locked their gaze.
"You will need to be fully relaxed for me to pull you into my mind"
Hermione shook off her nerves as best she could. She secured her occlumency walls in place and steeled herself for the journey. When she was ready, she nodded.
Wild, Wild horses, We'll ride them some day
Holding her tightly, his eyes met hers.
"Legillimens."