Chapter 4. Free Will
Hermione wandered the Great Hall searching for a shock of platinum blonde hair. She had a lot to think about. Her heart hurt for Minerva. She never would have guessed that her beloved professor had suffered such a tragic loss. Knowing what she did now, many things began to make sense. McGonagall was always so reserved, even overly strict at times. There were some who would have claimed she was unfeeling and cruel. Hermione knew better. She had seen her professor express so much motherly love to many of her fellow students.
Finding Malfoy in the crowded hall was proving difficult. Huffing out a sigh, she closed her eyes, and tried to calm her nerves. She began placing new books on the shelves of her library. There was one of her argument with the boys that she stuck in the back, one of her conversation with McGonagall, and one of Malfoy. When her hands touched the book containing the new memories of him, she felt the pluck in her chest. The feeling caused her library to shake and the book to glow. She was about to place the book on the back shelf, when she was struck with an idea. Pulling the book back to her chest, she focused on Malfoy until the feeling returned. She opened her eyes and started walking toward the atrium outside the Great Hall. She didn't have a reason why; she was just following the feeling. If it led her to Malfoy, if might just prove McGonagall's words to be true.
Or it could just be a coincidence.
Her feet continued to carry her around a corner where she finally saw him. Her breath hitched; it had worked.
COINCIDENCE!
He turned and looked at her. Had he felt her as she got closer? She closed the gap between them, and he reached his hand out to her.
"Everything all right, Granger?" He said as she took the outstretched hand.
"Yes, I just um… McGonagall had something she needed to talk to me about, sorry, I didn't expect it to take so long."
"Its fine Granger, don't worry about it. Want to go back inside?"
"Sure." She said forcing a smile.
He let her hand go and placed his gently on her lower back, leading her through the atrium and back into the Great Hall. Once they were back onto the main floor, he pulled her into his arms for another dance.
What day is it?
"You sure that you're all right?" His concern sounded genuine.
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
What should she say? Should she tell him about what McGonagall had told her; or did he already know? He must have, she thinks, maybe that's why he showed her that memory.
I can't keep up, and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time
"Did you know?" She asks, not able to fully make eye contact with him.
"Not for a long time. I wrote it off as teenage hormones amplifying emotions." He shook his head, "It wasn't until you were brought to Malfoy Manor that I knew something was different."
'Cause its you and me
And all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
Hermione shuddered at the memory and the scar on her arm began to throb.
"I'm willing to tell you about it, but not tonight, please? I just want to have a good time."
She nodded her agreement and let him carry them around the dance floor once again.
And it's you and me
And all of the people
And I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you
She had so many things running through her head. Things she felt she should say, but all of them felt wrong…empty. She was struggling to process this idea of her soul deciding who she was with. She wanted to openly defy it, push Malfoy away and never speak to him again just to prove that she had free will.
But I do still have free will. If I can decide to push him away…
"Granger, you're doing it again." He said pulling her back to reality.
What are the things that I want to say
Just aren't coming out right?
"I'm sorry. Really, I am. I want to just let it go and talk about later, but I am fighting against proving my free will."
"Why do you think you don't have free will?"
I'm tripping on words
You got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here
"Because my tether chooses, I don't!" she spat out, frustrated that he didn't understand.
"You think you don't have a choice?" He looked amused. "Granger, I don't know how much McGonagall was able to tell you, but you most certainly have a choice."
'Cause its you and me
And all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
"How?"
And it's you and me
And all of the people
And I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you
"We have known each other since we were 11 and 12. Did you ever feel yourself being forced to like me before? No, because that's not how the tether works. People who are soul mates can hate each other in the right environment. The tether will only join when the two ends open themselves up to each other. When they are both willing, vulnerable, and reach out to each other as equals."
There's something about you now
That I can't quite figure out
He was right, how had she not considered the fact that they were "enemies" before now? Then again, tonight had been crazy, with too much to process, things can easily be looked over accidentally.
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right
"So, when we kissed?"
"Our tethers connected."
She tensed slightly and his face fell.
"If it makes you feel better, the tether can be broken; it's hard and painful, but if it's what you want, I'll help you do it."
What did she want? She didn't know. She was still recovering emotionally from the war. She was still attending school and deciding what she wanted as a career. She was too young to have something so monumental decided for her, but if she looked at her life, it seems like everything was decided for her a long time ago. She didn't believe in divination, but she couldn't help the coincidences that surrounded her life.
'Cause it's you and me
And all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
She looked up, and silver met gold. The tether pulled taught and she thought for a moment just how selfish she was being. This wasn't just her that was affected, it was Malfoy too. Looking at him, she shook all the negative thoughts away, they would figure this out. She realized she had been quiet too long.
"I don't." she said, suddenly.
And its you and me and all of the people
"Don't what?"
And I don't know why
"Want to break the tether…I don't think so at least. I don't know. It's just a shock and I need to process it all. It's nothing to do with you really."
"You don't?" he said, barely above a whisper.
I can't keep my eyes off of you and me
She shook her head. She was making the decision to give Malfoy a chance, be it of free will or pre-destined fate. She noticed him hesitate, like he had wanted to kiss her, but didn't want to do the wrong thing.
He was vulnerable with you, he offered you a way out, be vulnerable back.
And all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
She lifted her hand and placed it on his cheek. He took the cue, leaned down, and pressed his lips to hers. The tether pulled so tight she almost couldn't breathe.
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you
All her senses were overwhelmed; the feel of his lips, the smell of his cologne, his fingers tangled in her hair. She was soaking up so much of Malfoy, she didn't notice the chaos that had erupted from the other side of the room.
What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
"'Mione?!"