Chapter Thirteen

A/N: Thank you to those of you who have been leaving comments and faving/following this story! I know we are still really at the beginning but it truly motives me with writing to know that people are enjoying my work so thank you so much xx

After a week had passed Lillians mental state had went a total 360. Her brothers and Bobby gave her the space she requested but coming the seven day deadline it was like a switch flipped and her attitude towards life changed. Everyone understands that people need to grieve, her brothers are grieving and dealing with the loss of their father as well but they are hunters, they were raised to keep pushing through the pain. If they let themselves succumb to depression and wallow in their sorrows then who will rid the world of evil? There's no time for bitching about it. No time for feelings. There will always be a hunt and someone who needs to be saved, their problems don't triumph ones in distress when someone is in dire need. At least that's how they were raised to act and think.

Little to her brother's knowledge, Lillian wasn't only grieving John Winchester. She was grieving the loss of her grace. It seems silly to say considering it wasn't a person and it's still with her but she can no longer access it. She feels like she isn't complete anymore. She lost a part of who she is and she is no longer herself. Not only that, one of the people she should trust took that away from her and abandoned her. She feels betrayed and broken. Weak and forced to be inferior.

Upon the end of the week Lillian woke up from her long slumber. She grabbed clothes and immediately headed for a shower. She woke up early, before anyone else, so she didn't have to worry about anyone else needing the bathroom. She stripped off her clothes and stepped in the steamy shower with a sigh as it hit her back.

As she shampooed her hair she reminisced about her long slumber. It felt like she slept for years, as if time passed differently in her head. The entire time she was sleeping she was talking to the man in the cage. He brought a warming comfort to her. Even when they argued she still didn't want to leave him. She moved on to finish washing up and stepped out of the shower, turning the water off.

After drying off, Lillian put her underwear on and put on a simple black v-neck long sleeve shirt. Next she shuffled on a pair of navy denim jeans along with socks and her black boots. She brushed her teeth and her hair. Once satisfied with how she looked she grabbed her dirty clothes and tossed them in her room not caring where they landed.

She made her way downstairs and really took a look at it. She had gone down within the week that past a few times for food but never fully took in her surroundings. It was a cluttered mess. It was still really early and no one would be up for another hour so she started cleaning up. First she tackled the living room. She dusted, swept, organized and placed things back to where they belong. She didn't vacuum because she didn't want to wake anyone.

She moved onto the kitchen, not wanting to clean it yet. Deciding to make breakfast for everyone. Doesn't make sense to clean if it's gonna just end up a mess again? She thought to herself.

Opening the fridge all she found was eggs, beer and bacon. Lillian frowned but wasn't surprised. She checked the cabinets, maybe she could try to make pancakes?

She started opening Bobby's cabinets looking for the ingredients. Utterly confused as to why there was one cabinet that was fully empty except for just one package of Spam. Ew, Lillian shook her head. She eventually found the right ingredients and bowls to mix them in. I hope this shit doesn't expire.

She started frying the bacon in one pan and cooking pancakes in another. Lillian was very surprised to find two pans in Bobby's kitchen but thankful because it made everything easier. She got the hang of things and a good groove going.

As she finished cooking the bacon Dean walked in as if on cue, "Do I smell bacon? Are you making bacon?" He walked up beside her towards the plate with a mountain of bacon. She was focused on flipping the last pancake and didn't notice Dean come up beside her. When she turned to look at the plate of bacon it was gone.

"Where did.. Where is it!?" She exclaimed with wide eyes while putting the last pancake on the stack.

"Where is what?" Dean said muffled as he was shoveling two pieces of bacon into his mouth.

Lillian turned towards him standing there with the whole plate as if she made it all for him. Grabbing the spatula she slapped him on the shoulder and took the plate back. "Dean! It's not all yours, my god pace yourself!" He was trying to reach over her shoulder to take more as she took the plate from him.

They were now like a dog chasing its own tail as she ran from him and he chased her for the bacon. A minute later Sam walked in, "Dean what's-"

He was surprised to see his sister out and about. Being productive and laughing. Not in her room doing whatever it was she was doing, it shocked him. Had him at a loss for words for a moment. "Lily.. It's good to see you out and more.." he couldn't find the right word. He didn't want to say happy and assume her feelings or force it onto her.

Dean and Lillian stopped in their tracks to look at their brother who just walked in. Lillian placed the plate of bacon on the table, she gave Dean a warning look, then turned to Sam. "It's good to see you too." she turned to look at Dean now as well "both of you" she said giving a small smile.

"Aww come here Lil" Dean said as he stomped over towards her to give her a crushing hug. Lillian wrapped her arms around him but then heard Sam giggling and a crunching in her ear. She turned her head back and Dean was reaching his arm behind her to get more bacon. "Dean what the hell, you need an intervention" she pushed him away.

Bobby eventually made his way down towards the kitchen. "It's good to see you outta your room kid." She smiled at him placing plates on the table. "Thanks Bobby."

She placed the stack of pancakes on the table for everyone to grab their servings. "I'm so sorry if it's bad, I also only just realized there is no syrup." She apologized nervously with wide eyes.

Dean took a seat next to her and pat her back "No worries sis, food is food, let's eat."

After breakfast Lillian was washing the dishes and Sam was drying. The food was actually good even though there wasn't any syrup and everyone thanked her for making breakfast. While washing the dishes she found herself getting lost in her thoughts again thinking about her dreams.

She sat in front of the cage. Her back leaning against it, feeling its cold bars against her. "Hello again" she spoke quietly.

"Back so soon?"

"There's a lot going on in the real world that I wish I could escape from. This seems to be my only escape."

"Oh I see, so you are using me." She could hear a smirk behind his tone but also a bit of doubt whether or not it's true.

She turned her head to the side. "No. I enjoy your company, I wouldn't want my dreams to be spent with anyone else." She sighed and mumbled to herself "Even if they make me question my sanity to be honest."

He moved closer towards the bars, "You think you're crazy?"

"If roles were reversed what would you think of yourself if you were me? I literally talk to a guy in my head every day!"

"Stop that. I am real." He moved down so that he was at her level of where she sat, though still unseen. "I am very real, just trapped. I cannot answer why we can communicate but when I am free I will find you and prove to you just how real I am." He spoke in a commanding voice.

"When will you be free? How will you be free?"

"How does not matter. It will all be very soon, do not worry Lillian."

She whipped her head around and sat facing the cage. She never told him her name. How does he know that? She felt very tense. She felt like her identity was being threatened.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"I never told you my name."

He chuckled a low laugh, "Yes you have, when you first came here, I asked your name and you told me."

He's lying. Why is he lying to me, she thought to herself. "No! I said we won't reveal our identities, that's why I don't know your name! That's what we agreed on! So fess up, how do you know my name!"

He knows he fucked up. Though he is far too prideful to admit it. He knows his options are either to continue to gaslight her or he can tell her the truth. Which is that before her grace was locked, when he asked her to go into the cage with him, he saw her and immediately knew her identity. He didn't know everything though like who her real father was, he would need to touch her soul for that if he couldn't get her to tell him.

"I'm going to leave and never come back if you aren't honest with me the next time you speak!" She raised her voice at him. She was standing up now pacing the room with clenched fists.

He sighed. He can't let this go. He doesn't want to admit it but until he gets free this is the only thing he has going for him right now. The only being has has to talk to that he actually kinda enjoys the company of from time to time which he despises. It makes him uncomfortable to think about when he has spent so long in solitude. Though a part of it is comforting. "I knew who you were the moment you first came in here and we saw each other. No before you start rambling and spiraling like you do. I don't know who your real father is."

She stopped pacing and sat down a few feet in front of the cage. "Why wouldn't you tell me that?"

He smiled to himself "I enjoyed the fun game we had going."

She shook her head and scoffed, "Are you going to tell me who you are?"

Shaking his head he answered "All will be revealed in time." He didn't want her to know who he really was because he knew she would stop coming if she knew. This thing they had going would be ruined and he would be left alone again. It's better off with his identity being left a secret.

"You are honestly so annoying. I came here to feel better but now I'm just ticked off."

"Feel better about what? Once again are you using me?" he said in a sarcastic hurt tone while putting a hand to his chest.

"I feel like we are getting no where in our conversations sometimes" she mumbled to herself. "My, I guess you would say, step father? died. I realized I feel worse about it than I expected to when the day arrived, not that I ever imagined him dying. I didn't ever think about him dying I just want to clarify" she sighed.

The atmosphere in the room changed now that the heat was taken off from him and all focus was on her. He was curious to know how her family affairs were, she tried her hardest not to open up much about them. "Why didn't you think you would be saddened by his passing?" he pondered.

"Because he never acted like a real father to me. He didn't know I wasn't his child and before I knew who my real father was, he was all I had as representation of what a parent is supposed to be like. I've never had my mother in my life so I solely relied on father figures growing up and what John was…" she sighed and shook her head at the thought. "He raised my brothers and I to be soldiers. We never got a taste of anything normal. Even my angelic father tried to give me a childhood when he came into my life and would do nice things with me! John.. he wouldn't let us cry in front of him, he would be drunk a lot of the time, he.. he would get angry and take it out on us if he was intoxicated enough then act as if nothing happened the next day when he sobered up." She took a shaky breath, "Forgive me, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm rambling now. I know you get annoyed by that."

He was silent. It was a contemplative silence. She heard a long sigh come from him. "Don't apologize, I asked and you answered, yeah? Why are you sad about him now if he was terrible?" he sounded confused. He didn't understand how her emotions worked. If he was her he would've ended him himself. Why feel bad about anything? It makes him angry to think that someone would treat her that way. It only proves his point just how flawed humans are.

"I'm upset because I treated him terribly. I know I know it doesn't make any sense" she shook her head to herself. "Once I got older and had more freedom I went off and did things on my own. We fought a lot and I lost contact with him for a little while until shortly before he died. I feel guilty because I realize I wouldn't be the fighter I am today if it wasn't for him. Yes he taught me to be a soldier in the worst way possible a parent could do so but I wouldn't be as strong as I am today without that. I wouldn't be saving so many people if it wasn't for what he taught me. My father, my REAL father never taught me how to use my powers properly out of fear I presume, so I always relied on mostly what John taught me and lore. I'm grateful for that and I should've appreciated him more."

"You humans and your complicated emotions… never ceases to confuse me" he laughed.

She raised an eyebrow in his direction, "Firstly, I'm half human. Second, you think you are emotionless because you are an angel?"

"Angels are incapable of feeling emotions like humans do" he deadpanned.

"Bullshit. You are such an emotional angel" she laughed at him. "You get emotional all the time with me, you just don't realize it or are afraid to admit it."

Red eyes flashed at her through the dark "I do not! I will never stoop to the level of whiny pathetic humans."

"I think you seem to be missing that anger is an emotion. People quite often get angry because they are masking something about themselves so they subconsciously have no choice but to lash out. You get angry quite often sir. Therefore you are an emotional person."

"Lily?"

Lillian snapped her head up towards Sam who was tapping her arm. Pulled out of her memory she was daydreaming about, she looked up at him and gave him a small smile acknowledging his presence.

"You okay? You zoned out for a minute there.." he looked concerned. She took in her surroundings and realized she was still in front of the sink, in the middle of doing dishing. Getting herself back into focusing she picked up the sponge and another dish to start scrubbing. "Yeah Sammy I'm fine, you know my mind just drifts sometimes.."

He nodded and took her now clean dish to dry and put away. They eventually cleaned and put away all the dishes from breakfast when Dean came back in the kitchen.

"One of Dads old phones had a missed call from this woman named Ellen. Thought we could go track her down and check it out?" Dean suggested while holding up the phone.

Sam grabbed the phone and listened to the message. He flipped the phone closed and tossed it back to Dean. "This message was months old.. I can trace her phone number and try to get an address."

Dean nodded, "I'll ask Bobby if we can use one of his cars since baby is still banged up."

Lillian looked at both of her brothers, fiddling with her fingers. "Guys, I think I'm gonna just stay here and sit this one out. I'll just help Bobby with the phones or something."

Her brothers instantly snapped their heads in her direction. "No Lily" Dean demanded.

"We can't split up we are finally back together as a family again." Sam pleaded.

She looked back and forth at the both of them, "Look, I'm not splitting from you okay? I'm going to be right here" she reached to place a hand on each of their arms. "You will both know where I am. You can even call me every day. I just want to sit this out for right now okay?"

Her brothers looked at each other trying to communicate with with their eyes. She looked at them both with pleading eyes of approval. They eventually both sighed. "Fine" "Okay" they both said.

"Thank you for understanding" she smiled at them.

"You better not give Bobby a hard time!" Dean said pulling her into a tight hug.

"What?! Why would I?" Lillian said gasping for air.

"I don't know! But you know how he is.. he gets grouchy sometimes."

She chuckled at her older brother then turned toward her twin. Reaching up she wrapped her arms around Sam and they hugged.

Later in the day her brothers had already left to find Ellen and it was just Bobby and Lillian. Lillian had already deep cleaned Bobby's entire kitchen like she had planned to and was left with nothing else to do in the house.

She went up to her room and prepared her go bag for her travels. She felt bad about lying to her brothers but she felt most comfortable on her own at the moment. She needed to get used to being a human again. She had already spoke to Bobby and told him she wanted to go off on her own and needed a cover. He didn't agree with lying to her brothers at first but they also lie for a living.

She headed downstairs and said her goodbyes to Bobby. He gave her a car to use and she thanked him for it. Lillian had no idea where she was leaving to but she knew now she felt she had absolute freedom to try to find comfort in who she is now.