I reworked chapter 2 because I really just wasn't feeling it. And I guess I'm finally writing this story again?
Let me know what you think! I'd love to hear everyone's thoughts/ideas!
Lily was in a good mood.
It was a perfect winter day.
She was wearing her new favorite hat that her sister had bought her with the pom pom on top. The shops were covered in glistening, glittering snow. And today officially marked one month of her and James doing…whatever her and James were doing together.
It was a good day and she was in a good mood.
The fact that she didn't know what she and James were doing together, or where she stood in his life, or what to call him when she talked about him to her friends or family didn't matter.
All that mattered was that in the one month that they'd been fucking they hadn't killed each other yet and that felt like progress.
It felt…good.
She smiled when she saw his name pop up on her phone. She laughed when they were together. She slept soundly next to him in his apartment.
She hadn't even been thinking about how long they'd been doing…this.
But James had.
He'd called her this morning after her class (she liked that he knew her schedule and always made sure not to call while she was in a lecture) and said—
"Do you realize we've been doing this for one whole month?"
The fact that he also, refused to define this, Lily chose to ignore.
"We have to celebrate. I want—no I need—to see you today."
Even spilling coffee on her cream silk blouse and getting stuck grading a fat stack of freshman essays hadn't been able to wipe the smile off her face.
Because James not only, 1) was aware that they'd been 'together' for one whole month, 2) he was excited about it, and 3) he wanted to see her.
Butterflies were doing fucking gymnastics in her stomach as she shoved the stack of untouched essays in her bag and hurried out her tiny basement TA office to meet him for lunch.
"Surprise!"
Lily laughs.
It's a joke. It must be.
She turns to look at him.
His eyebrows knit together. Worried that she doesn't like it.
Oh god, it's not a joke.
Madam Puddifoots tea shop stands before them. All frills, no fun. Inside the window, Lily can see swooning women and bored men.
"I thought you liked this place." James says. Eyebrows returning to their normal location.
Lily opens her mouth. She doesn't know what to say. Why did he think she liked this place? How could he think she liked this place?
"It's romantic." James continues, shrugging. "I just thought since you…"
Something clicks into place.
"Do you like this place James?" She asks. Watching his face.
He squirms under her gaze. His features scrunched up as he tries to determine the best way to get around saying—
"No."
"They why would you bring me here?"
"Because I thought you liked this place."
Now he's annoyed. Not much. But Lily can see the tightness in his jaw.
"No James, Marlene likes this place." Marlene, Lily's old roommate. Who James fucked. "And Cassandra likes this place. And Molly. And Teresa. And Sam. And—"
Tears brim in Lily's eyes and she turns away. Begging God that James didn't see them.
And all those other girls that you fucked.
The words she doesn't say sting.
Quickly, she wipes at her face. Thankful she's not wearing any makeup today. No mascara to give her away.
"Lily, I didn't…"
She holds up a hand, effectively shutting him up for a second. Pinches the bridge of her nose, willing herself to get her shit together. Oh god, Lily thinks, squeezing her eyes closed. Am I just like all the others? Am I just another girl that he's fucking?
She takes a deep breath.
Am I going to be just another girl that he fucked?
She opens her eyes. Looks at the clear blue sky above her. "I have to go."
"Lily—"
He makes a move to stop her. Reaches out with his mitten-covered hand.
She liked that he wore mittens. Hand-knitted ones that Sirius had made him he'd proudly told her.
She steps away.
Looking at his face.
Is that what remorse looks like on James Potter? Is that guilt? Is that heartbreak?
Does he care? About her? About them?
Does he really?
She wouldn't know.
It's only been a month after all.
"I've got a lecture at one." She says briskly. Turning on her heel she hurries away as fast as she can without looking like she's fleeing.
Wiping stupidly at her eyes the whole way back to campus.
She had thought she was more than just a girl James Potter was fucking.
She had thought they were more.
Stupid. Lily thinks. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
He'd called. Texted. Shown up outside her apartment building once or twice.
But she's been strong.
She'd resisted.
And eventually, he stopped calling. Texting. Showing up.
And somehow that hurt too.
That he'd given up so easily.
Somehow that only reinforced her theory.
That she was just another notch in his belt.
It'd been a month and five days since Madam Puddifoots tea shop. Officially longer than the entirety of their 'relationship.' A month and five days of Lily eating ice cream on the couch and rewatching the entirety of the BBC Pride and Prejudice miniseries. But she can't hide in her apartment forever so here she is. Sitting at the bar her friend Susan dragged her to.
It's cute. Tasteful. Susan is drinking whiskey and flirting with the bartender and Lily has a vodka martini in her hands and she has to admit—
It is nice.
To be out.
To have cute men glance her way and smile at her.
It is nice.
But they're not—
James.
"Lils!" A voice calls out and Lily turns and finds herself face to face with Sirius.
His brilliant, beautiful, smile lights up the entire room and Lily can't help herself.
It's pure instinct.
She throws her arms around him. And for a second—
Sirius flinches.
But then he scoops her up, swinging her around in a big circle, laughing all the way.
And that feels good too.
She hasn't laughed—
Properly.
Not like that.
Since—
James.
And while Sirius is certainly not James, defiantly, certainly, not, he's the closet Lily's gotten in—
Don't say it. She says to herself sharply. Tonight is supposed to be fun.
(One month and five days.)
Sirius sets her down, leaning in to kiss her on the cheek, so she turns her face, and he turns his, and somehow they meet in the middle and she feels his lips on hers and—
Shrieks.
Susan, the hot bartender, and half the bar look up.
"Sorry!" Lily squeaks with laughter as Sirius howls, doubling over.
"My darling Lily, what a cheeky one you are." His hand slides down her arm, a warm, comforting presence, as he leads her to a table in the back. "How are you love? I've missed you."
And truly, there is just something about Sirius.
Lily doesn't know if it's a combination of how attractive he is, coupled with the aristocratic accent, coupled with how he looks at you like you're dessert and he's been starving in the desert but—
There is just something about him.
He feels genuine.
Through and through.
When he asks her how she's been, she feels like he means it.
When he says he's missed her, she believes him.
"Oh," Lily sinks down into the booth. Feeling a little drunker than she wished she was, "I've been okay."
Sirius clambers in next to her, throwing an arm casually around her shoulders and her head drops down comfortably onto his shoulder.
He rests his chin on top of her head. His thumb rubbing comforting circles on her arm.
"Just okay?" He asks.
And she doesn't even have to see his face to hear the sincerity in his voice.
"I think I might have fucked things up with James."
Okay, so she's really drunk.
Whatever.
It's Sirius.
What's the worst that could happen?
"Baby," Sirius laughs. He's got a great laugh. Like a puppy dog who's just excited that his owner is home. "It's the other way around, James messed things up with you."
"You think?"
Sirius pulls away, hooking one finger under her chin, tilting her face up to his.
"I know."
Genuine. Sincere. Completely and totally honest.
He believes it.
Lily stares into his face.
Not even an inch away.
He really is the most attractive man she's ever met.
His face is like, perfectly symmetrical. He's got cheekbones you could cut yourself on. A jawline to match. His eyes are like little pools of liquid silver and his lips are soft. Moisturized. Plump and pink and—
Before she even knows what she's doing she's leaning in.
Her lips crash into his and—
He's kissing her back?
Lily panics, does she keep going? Should she use tongue? Was this a massively huge mistake?
And then Sirius slips his tongue into her mouth and she moans.
Oh god.
And then his hand is tangled in her hair and her hand has found its way to his chest and—
Fuck, he's toned.
And his other hand is sliding down her back and gripping her waist and—
"Oh fuck." The words slip out of her mouth and Sirius pulls back.
"You truly are a delight, Lily Evans." He says, those soft lips breaking out into a wide smile. "You're always surprising me."
Lily just blinks at him. "I thought you were…I thought you didn't…with girls…women…"
Sirius cocks his head. Watching her as she stumbles deeper and deeper into this hole.
"That you were…"
"I'm bisexual." Sirius whispers. Like it's a secret. "I fuck women too."
He leans back, a thoughtful look coming across his face as his eyebrows knit together. "I guess I fuck anything really."
A combination of a giggle and a little snort escapes her lips as she watches him have this realization.
Sirius catches her eye.
Realizing that he's having the realization.
And snorts too.
And just like that, they're laughing again. Doubled over until Lily steadies herself. Her hand on his arm. Sucking in air as she wipes a tear from her eye.
So different from all the other tears she's been wiping away recently.
"Let's get out of here." She tells Sirius.
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