A/N: So it's been a long wait but this is like the length of two chapters so hopefully that makes up for it a little?
Okay, don't judge me but I made a mistake where I had Yumiko's mother's name as Katherine in all my drafts, then must have made a last minute decision to change it to Anna when I posted that chapter in Conflict Resolution. I decided to change it back to Katherine, though, because that's what she's been in my head for all this time. When I tell you my memory is shit lol.
Warning: flashback of Miko being a little shit
[trigger warning: OCD, super vague blink and you'll miss it reference to past domestic abuse]
When Yumiko found Magna after the ball, she was tucked away in the kitchen, steadily working her way through a not-so-small pile of dishes. It was a familiar sight, if a little distorted.
Cleaning had always been one area in which Magna excelled over her. Too many times, Yumiko had come home from work to see her attacking every dirty dish in the apartment. Or vacuuming. Or making the beds. Or scrubbing the bathroom.
(all things that Yumiko tended to avoid herself for as long as humanly possible)
The trend had continued even after she'd moved out into her own place.
In some ways, it had been a blessing. In others. . . triggering. Yumiko hadn't forgotten the time she'd walked in the door to the stench of cleaning chemicals and near about chewed Magna's head off.
Alright. A little more than near about.
Yumiko blamed prison. Keeping things tidy and clean had been a necessity in there, possibly a matter of survival. After she'd gotten out, it had tangled into a mixture of habit and anxiety, even stress relief. Magna felt better when things were tidy. Clean.
(safer)
Another thing that set them apart.
Yumiko hated the smell of cleaning supplies. And much preferred when things were a mess. Cluttered. Homes were like that. And she'd needed her place to feel like a home, not like a-
Besides. Her full-time job had never left much time for cleaning, especially not her type of cleaning, which could end up taking three times as long as necessary. Longer, if counting came into it.
(One fold, two fold, three fol-
No, start again.
Three was bad)
Not to mention, with the amount of pets she'd had, a clean and orderly apartment had been about as attainable as the American Dream. She could still remember the exasperated expression on Magna's face every time an army of dogs and cats - or parrot - demolished all her good work within hours. Sometimes minutes.
Yumiko had found it all very amusing.
Even moreso Magna's obvious bewilderment over the fact that she didn't mind it that way. Didn't mind the mess.
"You have neat freak written all over you. Why the hell doesn't this send you into a tailspin? It's fucking weird."
Not as weird as the fact that it's sending you into a tailspin.
Truthfully, Yumiko was still trying to wrap her head around the demonic maid apparently taking up residence inside Magna's body. She certainly hadn't pinned her as a surlier, tattooed version of Mary Poppins when they'd met.
Her mouth twitched, imagining Magna in a black skirt and pea coat, running through a rendition of Spoonful of Sugar (doubly hilarious when taking into account how much she hated sugar).
Yumiko had loved Mary 'Practically Perfect in Every Way' Poppins as a child. Used to dream of her floating down from the sky and setting things to rights.
Fixing things.
"You're just upset that I don't fit into the neat little box you put me in when we met," Yumiko said, allowing her smugness to seep through. "That your assumptions were wrong - and we both know how much you hate being wrong."
That much had been made clear only last week.
Magna had sulked for a good hour after losing Trivial Pursuit. Demanded several rematches. Growing increasingly pouty as each fell similarly in her disfavor. The fact that Yumiko had cackled for a good ten minutes at one stage probably hadn't helped.
(she'd refused to play another game since)
"I wasn't wrong." Magna grumbled and returned to scrubbing at the stove with a touch more vigor than necessary, refusing to bear witness to her smirk another second. "You alphabetize your books and DVDs."
(as counter-arguments went, it was a pretty poor one)
"Well, that's just common sense."
And a good way to save time when finding things.
Magna huffed, the aggressiveness of her cleaning going up a notch.
Yumiko pressed her lips together, certain she shouldn't find this nearly so amusing. But it was hard not to with that look on Magna's face.
Like a grumpy puppy who'd just been kicked off its master's bed.
(and was currently plotting murderous revenge)
Yumiko crossed her arms, leaning back against the wall so as to better indulge in the sight. "Admit it. You're feeling all pouty because you got something wrong."
"I am not feeling pouty - I don't pout."
"You're pouting right now."
A dishtowel hit her in the face.
"I don't pout!"
Still smirking, Yumiko threw the offending cloth back at her - feeling a spike of triumph when it landed smack dab in the middle of Magna's forehead. Still haven't lost my aim. "You know, throwing things just because you don't like the truth isn't very mature. Might want to learn to use your words."
Magna scowled, hurling the dishtowel back at her. "My words are that you're the most annoying fucking person I've ever met - and you're wrong."
Yumiko caught the towel easily, opting to drape it over her shoulder rather than take another shot. Magna's throw had been a sight more aggressive this time around. Probably best not to return it to her for ammunition.
"Uh huh."
"You are."
(this insistence was somewhat ruined by the strengthening of said pout - which she was sure Magna would claim to be a very intimidating scowl)
"Sure." Grin only growing, Yumiko reached into her pocket, retrieving her phone. "You know, if you really don't believe me I can take a picture. Show you the proof."
She squinted, getting the phone into position.
There we go.
"What- Hey!"
Yumiko examined the shot triumphantly. "Oh, yeah. That's definitely a pout. Want to see?"
Swearing, Magna tore off her gloves, stalking towards her. "I'm going to fucking kill you."
Yumiko snickered, darting away. "Wait, let me just send it to my mum first. Get a second opinion."
Magna's eyes widened and she quickened her pace. "Miko-"
A most evil thought occurred to her then.
"Or maybe Sonja? She has a good eye for detail."
"Miko, no!"
She cackled, disappearing inside her bedroom and shutting the door.
"Miko!"
She slid the lock into place - moments before a hand seized the knob, giving it a tug.
"Goddamnit, Miko!"
"What?" Yumiko settled back against the door, ignoring the slight rattling as Magna attempted to open it. "You clearly can't take my word for it so let's ask for someone else's. I'm sure Sonja would be just thrilled to help."
She smirked, thinking of the not-so-subtle rivalry Magna had going on with the detective.
"I swear to- Yumiko Katherine Okumura, open this door right now!"
She grimaced, getting up her texts. "Don't bring my mother's name into this."
"Then open the fucking door!"
"Of course, of course - one moment!"
"Miko. . ." This time, her voice held the definite undertone of a whine.
Yumiko's mouth twitched. "You know, patience is a virtue."
"Do I look like I give a fuck about virtues?" She had her there. "Open the door!"
"I don't know. I think the lock is jammed. Might have to call a handyman."
Magna's huff had enough force behind it to be heard through the thick wood at her back. "Bullshit."
Yumiko reached behind her, giving the knob a half-hearted twist. "Yep. Pretty jammed."
"Like hell it is!"
Attention moving from her phone momentarily, Yumiko caught sight of the tiny chihuahua lazying on a bed at her feet - looking more than a little miffed at being disturbed from his afternoon nap. Oops.
'Sorry,' she mouthed.
His eyes narrowed to slits.
Making a few final taps on her phone, she bent down, stroking his head apologetically. "I'll give you a treat later to make up for it."
He remained unforgiving.
"Two treats?"
Yumiko's groveling was interrupted by the beep of her phone, signally the messages had been sent.
Smiling, she pocketed it once more and scooped up the disgruntled pooch. Just in case.
For protection.
(Magna refused to come within three feet of any of her dogs, and seemed to hold a distinct distrust for little Popcorn)
"Miko, I swear if you don't-"
She pulled the door open, smile wide. "Yes?"
Magna's face went through an amusing cascade of emotions: surprise; confusion; relief; irritation. . . before at last coming to settle on her beloved trademark. Anger.
Features twisting into a scowl, she opened her mouth-
Froze.
. . . gaze finally having landed on the dog resting innocently in Yumiko's arms.
She bit down on a smirk as Magna took a barely indistinguishable step back.
"Nothing. I'll. . ." her eyes drifted down to Popcorn again, whose lips had started to peel back, revealing the hint of threatening teeth, "talk to you later. Actually got to get to work."
"Your shift doesn't start for another three hours."
And I'm your ride.
She took several more steps back. "Yeah, think I might go for a walk first. Stretch these legs."
Yumiko idly stroked the top of Popcorn's head. "Want company? I haven't taken the dogs out yet so I was going to go for one anyway."
Magna's eyes widened and she whipped around, making a beeline for the front door. "I'm good!"
"You sure?"
"Yep."
She yanked open the door with the speed of one being chased by snapping hyenas, stepping outside.
"Magna?"
"Yep?"
Yumiko bit her lip. "You forgot your keys."
She paused.
Backtracked a few steps. Coming to a stop at a nearby table. Yumiko didn't miss the rising flush in her cheeks as she swiped up the offending object, not meeting her eyes.
Yumiko swallowed a laugh, resisted the urge to snap another photo. "So about the whole pouting thing-"
"I don't pout!"
The door slammed shut.
Despite her teasing that day, she could well understand some of Magna's confusion. Yumiko had always been an incredibly organized person. Except when it came to her living space.
When she was a child, it had been different. She'd been different. Neat. Tidy. Exact.
In every aspect of her life.
Not because it felt good but because she'd been obsessed with being good. Convinced that if she did everything right, everything perfect, she would be right and perfect. Not just her but everything around her.
Her life.
Her parents.
Her health.
If I don't put away all my toys in exactly the right place, in exactly the right order, then Daddy won't come home from work on time and him and Mummy will argue and Daddy will sleep in the spare room and then they'll get a divorce and then Tomi and I will be split up and then-
She'd known it hadn't made sense. Wasn't possible. That the world didn't really work like that.
But still the anxiety had built and built until she could think of nothing else, do nothing else.
In the end, better to be safe than sorry.
(the fact that her parents did eventually end up getting a divorce hadn't helped matters)
There'd even been a period where Yumiko had refused to get her toys out at all. Because how could she be certain that she'd put them all back in their proper places, their right places? How could she know for sure that messing up her room, even for a few hours, a few minutes, a few seconds, wouldn't tip the scales of the universe out of her favor?
And she'd needed those scales to be in her favor.
She'd needed it desperately.
Good girls clean up after themselves, her mother had said once. Just a throwaway comment one day when she'd left her toys lying about on the floor.
Yumiko had taken it to heart.
Had always taken everything to heart.
Step on a crack, break your momma's back.
Tell a lie, get a black mark on your tongue.
Break a mirror, seven years bad luck.
Eat a pear and your nose will fall off.
(bad luck comes in threes)
Don't sleep with your mouth open or you'll wake full of spiders.
Don't swallow an apple pip or a tree will grow in your belly.
Don't go outside with wet hair or you'll catch your death.
Don't swim after eating or you'll drown.
Don't open an umbrella inside the house.
Don't walk under a ladder.
Don't-
The thing was, Yumiko hated cleaning. She'd much rather be using her energy and mental resources on something interesting. And what was the point of making a bed when it was just going to get unmade again? Why pick her clothes up off the floor when they were so much easier to get to down there, instead of locked away in drawers? Why pack up her toys when she'd only be getting them out again tomorrow? Not to mention, she had them all carefully arranged in the midst of an incredibly dramatic story, the next act just waiting to happen. If she put them away, she'd forget where she'd left off. Who was doing what. . . it just didn't make any sense.
But good girls cleaned up after themselves and Yumiko had to be a good girl.
Had to be.
Fast forward through the years and she still hated cleaning. Had hated it even more in the years before the world ended, when the past had been even stronger in her thoughts. More easily triggered.
Her mother, well familiar with her ways, had always nagged Yumiko to get a cleaner. A suggestion she'd nearly given into more times than she could count. It was the most practical solution - and it wasn't as though she didn't have the money. But the thought of hiring someone, having them in her home, had been more than a little off-putting. The only people she'd ever been comfortable having in her apartment were Magna, Sonja, her mother, and - on the rare moments he reappeared in her life - Tomi.
So in the end, Yumiko had done the bare minimum. Just enough that her mother wouldn't complain too much when she came around.
Magna did much more than the bare minimum.
Much more.
(which possibly explains why Mum wanted to adopt her)
Shaking the past from her thoughts, Yumiko refocused on the cause of her little detour down memory lane.
The room's only other occupant.
Who had yet to look up. To acknowledge her existence.
But Magna had to know she was there. As hypersensitive as she'd always been to her surroundings, there was no way she couldn't.
"Hey," Yumiko greeted, lingering in the doorway. Not daring to pass through just yet. This was Magna's domain and she wasn't sure of her right to enter it. Not with the way things had been between them lately. Not with the way that dance had ended. "Need any help?"
Yumiko might be a terrible cook but she at least knew her way around scrubbing dishes. Even if it did take her a godawful long time to do them.
(and it had been years since she'd last broken a plate)
Magna snorted. "I'm good. Wouldn't want to mess up that fancy dress of yours - and we both know you're allergic to cleaning."
"I'm not-"
She sent her a look.
". . . it's not my favorite thing in the world."
Magna's mouth curved slightly - the expression lifting some of the dead weight off her chest. "I'm good, Miko. Really. Unlike you I actually don't mind cleaning. Calms me down."
That might be true. But she knew Magna hated cleaning for other people.
Only. . . she'd never hated cleaning for her. For some reason, Yumiko had always been the exception to that rule. Maybe because she'd never asked for that cleaning in the first place - nor wanted it.
(Magna did like to be contrary)
Speaking of cleaning. . .
Yumiko glanced around. "Where's the rest of your crew?"
Magna shrugged, running her sponge over the glass's rim. "They all have kids to go home to, or family. It's late. I volunteered to cover for them. Not like I sleep much, anyway." She glanced back at Yumiko, a warning in her gaze. "But that's just between you and me. As far as everyone else is concerned, they worked the full night. Okay? Still need the money from those hours. And you get penalized for clocking off early."
She bit the inside of her cheek. "That was nice of you."
"Well, I owed them, didn't I?" Magna shrugged, turning back to her scrubbing. "Kind of flaked for a good part of the party. Left them to do all the work."
But that's not why you volunteered.
"It was barely an hour. Something tells me you'll be stuck here a lot longer than that."
On her way to the kitchen, Yumiko had noticed that there were still a great many tables waiting to be cleared. And if that task had fallen entirely on Magna. . .
"I don't mind. Scrubbing tables and doing dishes was the one part of waitressing I found okay. It was serving that I hated."
That was only partly true.
"It aggravates your back."
"So does most everything. I'm good, Miko." The response was nonchalant - even light - but landed with the thud of finality. Shutting the door to any further protests.
Clearly, she wasn't going to reap any results by advancing further down this path. Pushing. The subject had been closed.
Firmly closed.
Yumiko shifted, feeling awkward in the doorway, and more than a little rude, aimlessly standing back and watching Magna work.
(useless)
She bit her tongue against another offer of help. Knew it would only be rejected.
Magna didn't want her help.
Possibly didn't want anything from her at all.
Not anymore.
"So what did Rosita want?"
Magna didn't glance up from her task. "Picking my brain about that guy. Wanted to know if I knew him, or knew how he got in."
Yumiko fought to keep her expression easy, to not let the sudden tension those words ignited show. "Do you?"
Magna put the glass down, glanced up. "You know, I'm not sure I buy it."
"It?"
"That you're struggling to adjust too. This is what you've always wanted. A community. Somewhere safe. Things to go back to the way they were. Like the last ten years never happened."
Yumiko shook her head, forgetting her earlier caution and stepping into the room. "Too many good things have happened in the last ten years for me to ever wish they hadn't." She gazed at Magna meaningfully. "And I'd never want any of what you just listed if it didn't include you."
She had to know that.
After everything they'd been through together, surely she had to know that.
"You left."
Yumiko stopped short, feet faltering under the weight of her shock. That was one accusation she hadn't expected. She'd thought. . . "You told me to."
"I know." Magna huffed, clearly frustrated with herself. "And I still. . . I don't regret that. It's what you needed. And staying was what I needed. I just. . . didn't expect things to turn out like this." She looked away. "I thought you'd come back. If you survived. I thought you'd come back. But you didn't. And I've been here a month and you've barely said one word to me." Magna wouldn't meet her eyes, too focused on the glass in her hand - though Yumiko doubted there was a single germ left by now to wash away. "I kept waiting for you to come round but you didn't. And I told myself it was because you were busy. New job. New life. But you've had time for Connie and Kelly. Ezekiel. Eugene. Princess. Hell, I even saw you with Daryl the other day. . . So it turns out you've had time. You've had time for everyone." Magna met her gaze. "Everyone but me."
Internally, Yumiko winced.
When you put it like that. . .
Well, there was really no way to put it that didn't sound bad.
Still, she wasn't the only one who'd stayed away.
You could have come round as well. You could have come but you didn't.
Why didn't you?
Silence filled up the space between them, broken apart by the occasional splash and clink of glass as Magna returned her attention to the tub, no longer looking at her. Yumiko watched, words storming around in her head, struggling to sort themselves - made harder by the even more chaotic storm inside her gut.
She considered telling her the truth.
Settled on a half-truth instead.
"I didn't know what to say," Yumiko murmured, gaze on the glass in Magna's hands. That was easier. "Not after everything. Not with the way things are now. When I found out where you'd been placed. . . I didn't know how to face you." She'd been certain that with Magna's skill as a fighter she'd be drafted into the military like Daryl and Rosita. That she'd be afforded at least that much status. "Didn't want to rub my 'new life' in your face, either."
"You were embarrassed."
More like ashamed.
"I guess so, yeah."
"So was I."
Yumiko glanced up sharply, not bothering to hide her surprise.
It didn't go unnoticed.
Magna snorted. "I'm serving you freaking wine, Miko. All of you. It's humiliating. And this is what it's been like. Ever since I got here." She grunted, laying a glass down on the table with a little too much force. "Hate you seeing me like this."
Yumiko resisted the urge to reach out, to offer the comfort of touch - didn't want to take the risk that she'd be rejected.
Made her voice soft instead. Gentle. "I know."
She'd hated it after prison too.
Hated every single reminder that she was different from her. Lower.
Only Yumiko had never seen it like that. Had never lingered on the divide in her and Magna's standings.
To her, she'd always been just Magna.
(but that was an easy enough perspective to have when you were the one looking down all the time.
not up)
"I hate it too." I wish. . . Yumiko took a breath. "I'm going to fix this."
She just needed a little more time to figure out how.
Needed Magna to give her that time.
To trust that she wouldn't waste it.
Yumiko needed her trust.
(it hurt to think she might no longer have it)
Magna smiled wryly, though it was weak. "Always the fixer."
"Always."
Lowering her gaze, she caught Yumiko's hand, holding it lightly in hers. Crossing that barrier which she hadn't dared to. "You never got that there were some things you can't fix." Magna met her gaze. "This isn't your fight, Miko."
She tried not to let her concern show at the word choice.
Fight.
But Magna had always been a fighter. Long before Yumiko had known her. She'd fought for every inch of life that she'd gotten - and that quality wasn't going to go away now just because they'd finally found somewhere where they could stop fighting.
And, to be honest, Yumiko didn't want it to go away.
The fight in Magna was one of the things she loved most about her.
Hardening her jaw, Yumiko took a step closer, gripping her hand. "Your fights are my fights. And my fights are your fights. That's how it's always been and that's how it's always going to be." She allowed her lips to lift, to dare at a smile that was both teasing - and fragile. "Don't tell me you forgot?"
Magna gazed at her. Silent. Mask slipping.
(crumbling)
The vulnerability there was painful, painful because of the surprise that accompanied it - the fucking surprise.
Yumiko went to reach out, to touch her face-
Found herself grasping at empty air as Magna turned away. The hand in hers slipping free.
Disappearing.
She clenched her jaw against the loss.
"Maybe I did forget." Magna hunched her shoulders, hands sinking into the water once more - and that wall, which had so slowly started to inch down, shot abruptly back up. Leaving Yumiko trapped on the other side. Again. "Considering."
"Considering?" she probed, trying to contain her frustration.
"Well, you're not exactly fighting right now, are you? Can't fix something you're actively working to maintain. Or is there some other reason you were just outside buying everybody's silence?"
Yumiko froze.
Magna met her gaze, nodded slowly. "I saw you. And it's not the first time either." She shrugged. "Word gets around. Especially when you work jobs like this. People talk. Not to me but they talk. . ." Her mouth turned up in a smile, though there was nothing nice about it. "I guess that's one of the parts of your job that's changed."
Yumiko closed her eyes.
This was why Magna had been so angry with her at the start of the evening. Why every step forward since had only culminated in two steps back.
The information turned over in her head, casting threads of confusion into light.
For all the good it did now.
"Yeah." Magna's voice cut the silence and Yumiko didn't have to open her eyes to know that she was nodding, gaze filled with that same look - that same feeling - Yumiko had stared into the night she'd had the truth about Lawson hurled across the room at her, like a weapon. Like a knife.
And there it is.
That look that only came when all of Magna's doubts, all her distrust and paranoia, had finally been proved right. That someone had proved them right. . . that Yumiko had. She didn't need to open her eyes because she could hear it in her voice. Remembered the tone. Had hoped never to hear it again. Felt an echo of past anger and hurt - betrayal - tangle up in the guilt now building steadily in her gut.
"So I don't really know how you can say you don't want things this way when you're playing a part in making them this way."
A part of her resented Magna for placing that guilt there. For making her the bad guy when she was the one who'd-
Yumiko released a breath, too tired at this point to argue. She'd always hated arguing. Listening to it, engaging in it. Debating was different. She lived for a good debate sometimes. Something she could sink her teeth into. But arguing. . .
And arguing with Magna. . .
She hated it.
Certainly no longer had the stamina for it.
"I'm just trying to keep this place going," Yumiko sighed. "Avoid a panic. This. . . resistance, I'm not saying that they're wrong in what they're doing-"
"They're not."
"But I think they would destroy this place if it meant changing the way it runs. Revolutions are like that. Good or not, necessary or not. . . they destroy. People die."
"And you're tired of people dying."
She exhaled, nodding. "I just don't think coming at everyone with a knife is the right approach here. Sometimes subtle is best."
And if there were changes that could be made from the inside, then Yumiko was going to make them. But she wanted there to be something worthwhile leftover when it was all said and done. Didn't want to find herself staring at another community burning to the ground. Standing in the ashes of all that had been. All that could have been.
Their future.
Turned to dust.
"This place is unique," she continued, fortifying her argument. "We've never seen anywhere else like it."
"Maybe that's a good thing."
Yumiko nodded in acknowledgment. "Maybe. But there are things here worth preserving."
"Like your job?" Magna challenged.
"Like peace."
"We had peace back at Hilltop and Alexandria."
Bullshit.
"We had Whisperers and Reapers. Food running out. Children nearly drowning in their own homes." Connie and Kelly had told her everything. Every last detail. She'd been combing through their stories for mentions of Magna, any stray pieces of information she could find, but she'd heard everything else just the same. Hadn't forgotten it. "Have you seen the kids here? They're not scared. They don't have to be."
Magna looked away. Reached for another glass.
Yumiko knew it was a low blow, using her weakness for children against her but, Goddamnit, why couldn't she see? Things hadn't been okay. Things hadn't been okay in a long time.
That wasn't the world Yumiko wanted to live in.
Wasn't the world she wanted anyone to live in.
Especially not the few children that happened to still be alive in this one. Judith alone had been through more than any child should ever have to endure. She deserved some safety. Some stability.
They all did.
Yumiko knew what it was like to grow up without that. To grow up scared. Uncertain of the future - if you'd even have one.
And so did Magna.
So why didn't she want this as much as Yumiko? Why was she pushing so hard against it?
Against her?
Yumiko took a breath. "The peace we have right now, the safety. . . that doesn't survive if we end up going to war with each other."
"No," Magna said, softer now, placing a glass slowly in the bus pan. "It probably doesn't."
The old Yumiko, the one who'd regularly participated in student protests, would turn over in her grave at hearing some of the words she'd uttered tonight.
But she hadn't been that Yumiko in a very long time.
Not since the first time she'd raised a gun. Pressed her finger against the trigger.
Fired.
Fired on someone who wasn't dead.
Fired on someone to make them dead.
('How many people have we killed, Miko?')
She could count them all.
But knew if she started she'd never stop. Knew if she started, the counting would get away from her.
I don't want to kill any more people.
But she would. Of course, she would. If she left this place, or if it fell apart in a power struggle, of course she would.
There was always more killing.
And always more death.
Yumiko drew in a breath. Felt her shoulders rise with the effort, exhaustion weighing them down. "So either we burn the system to the ground and everything else along with it. . . or we change things carefully. Slowly. Subtly. In a way that doesn't destroy but transforms. Transforms into something better."
Just like Magna had said earlier. This place should be better. It could be better. If they didn't destroy it in the struggle to make it that way.
If we raise the earth and salt the soil, it won't help anyone in the end.
Not a single person.
They'd lived too long now destroying. Reaching for violence as the only answer. Yumiko included.
She was tired of it.
Tired of all of it.
Magna's expression didn't shift. "The conservative approach?"
"Yes."
"Because that worked so well in the old world."
"Magna," she sighed.
This earned her nothing but the nauseating clang of glass against glass, harsh enough that Yumiko was shocked when nothing shattered. She tried not to flinch at the sound, to get carried back to another kitchen, another argument, another time.
Too many times.
There was a brief moment of relief as Magna finished loading both glasses into the bus pan - cut abruptly short when she reached for a plate. "Fucking agree to disagree, I guess."
Thankfully, she was a bit more careful this time around, the clangs muted, even as her brow remained furrowed in displeasure.
Frustration.
Well, there's a lot of that going around.
Yumiko considered telling her the rest. About Lance. About Tomi. About all of it.
Remembered what Magna had said earlier. The implication that she couldn't handle herself. Couldn't handle this.
Shoved the words back down her throat.
"It's not just the class divide," Magna continued after too long a silence. "It's. . . everything. I mean, this place - it's so fucking disconnected. You feel that, right? It's like stepping into some alternate dimension. Most of the people here have no idea what it's really like out in the real world."
"Maybe that's a good thing," Yumiko said, echoing her words.
Magna shook her head, mouth twisting in something that wasn't quite a smile. Like she was a child who'd just expressed their all-too-misguided belief in the concept of universal peace. "That world still exists, Miko. No matter how much we wish it didn't. You can't just shut your eyes and pretend otherwise - but that's exactly what everyone here's doing."
And that frustration bubbled up inside her, spilt out her lips. "Except you don't, do you?"
"Don't what?"
"Wish that world didn't exist. In some ways, society collapsing was the best thing to ever happen to you."
The plate dropped back into the sink as Magna whirled to face her. "You were the best thing to ever happen to me."
Yumiko froze.
Was given less than a second to process before the chance to respond was yanked from her grasp.
"And, yeah, there were some parts of the world ending that I liked. Not being made to feel like the shit under people's boots was one of them. Fucking disposable."
The words twisted inside Yumiko, tearing at the fragile barrier of anger and defense around her heart and shredding it to pieces.
The urge to reach out was there again, to take Magna's hand, to hold her.
But if she hadn't stood a chance before, she most certainly didn't stand one now.
The anger in her eyes was too strong.
"I don't care about being a waiter, Miko. I care that my entire value as a person is based on me being a waiter. What I can do for others. The services I can provide. . ." Her mouth twisted. "It took me a long fucking time to get out of that mindset. To believe that I'm worth more-"
"You are."
"I know!" she snapped. "But it's really fucking hard to believe that in a place like this."
And Yumiko couldn't stop herself. Couldn't stop herself reaching out, fingers searching. "Magna-"
She jerked back. "You know what that world did to my mum! To my brother. To Maisie. To me."
She swallowed, quickly calling her hand to retreat - stomach churning at the action, screaming against every inch. Because it wasn't just anger in Magna's eyes. It was pain. And Yumiko had never been able to stop herself from reaching out when she was in pain. "I know."
Or at least, she knew what pieces Magna had told her. What she'd heard about. Read about. The full picture was still somewhat blurry.
But still. . . she knew.
Yumiko watched as hurt crept in beside that pain, digging into her heart, as the last of the anger faded from Magna's eyes. "Then how could you think I would ever be okay with this place?"
Her voice carried none of the volume of before. None of the rage.
But it cut like a shout.
Yumiko wet her lips, searching for the right words. Wasn't sure there were any. Not for this. "I'm sorry. . . I didn't think things would be like this. And after the cave, after everything. . . I thought you'd want somewhere safe. Somewhere calm. Somewhere where we could all just rest."
"More like you wanted somewhere to rest."
Frustration flickered back to life in her chest - only now there was hurt to accompany it. "That's not fair."
"But still true."
Yumiko pursed her lips.
Of course, it was true. But so was everything she'd just said. She had thought this place would be good for Magna. For all of them.
She'd been thinking of all of them.
From the day she'd set out, to the day everyone had arrived, right up until now - she'd never stopped thinking of all them.
But anger had always made Magna distrustful. And impossible to argue with, reason with - to convince of anything. Later, when she'd calmed down, had time to think, she might believe her. But not right now.
So Yumiko kept her silence.
Magna shook her head, turning back around, and her ears winced with the sound of a plate slamming into the water, hitting the solid surface beneath. "I get it. I do. Where you're coming from. You think I want you to lose another home? For any of us to? Believe me, I'm not in the mood to get out the pitchforks any more than you. And I'm not saying that we should, either." That was a relief. "But covering shit up?" Slam. "Pretending that everything's fine and dandy whilst people like Tyler fall through the cracks and are just left to suffer and rot at the bottom - alone? I saw it happen to my mum and Maisie. And I couldn't-" she let out a breath. "I couldn't do a fucking thing to stop it. Just watched it happen. And now you're asking me to stand back and watch it happen again. To- I can't be okay with that." She shook her head. "Your approach might be safer. Cleaner. Maybe even better. But that doesn't make it right. And it doesn't help Tyler. Or anyone like him."
Now it was Yumiko's turn to look away.
"I can't stay and watch that," Magna continued, after a beat had passed, voice softer now. "I just can't."
"So you're leaving?"
The question came out far calmer than the feeling that had spurred it and Yumiko clenched her jaw against the sudden pressure around her chest. Constricting.
Because she'd only just gotten Magna back. She'd only just gotten her back and-
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
Magna said nothing, loading a glass into the water with more care than she had all night. Slowly, it sunk beneath. "I don't know. Not yet. Not for a good while. I can't. . . I can't watch. But I can't leave either. Can't leave you." She swallowed, before tacking on, "Any of you. . . you're my family."
Yumiko's chest pressed further in on itself, making it hard to breathe. "I know. You're mine too."
Magna nodded slightly, wetting her lips as she stared down at the water. "I'm not leaving."
And though her voice was still soft, it carried a firmness that eased some of the weight off Yumiko's chest.
Created space for her to breathe again.
After a moment, went back to scrubbing. "Like I said, I get where you're coming from. I really do. But you've never been at the bottom of the ladder. Never been disposable. Never. . . not mattered," she exhaled, hand falling as she placed another glass in the bus pan. "Your life's always had value. To people. To society. You matter."
Yumiko swallowed.
"So do you." But she knew Magna wouldn't believe that, couldn't, so Yumiko enforced it with a truth that she hoped she could believe. A truth she'd been repeating to her over and over again for years, in the hopes that one day it might stick. One day belief would accept it. "You matter to me more than anyone else in the world."
Magna stilled a moment before her lips turned up faintly. "Ditto." It was a momentary breath of relief, before she ducked her head again. "That's not really what I'm talking about, though. Mattering to the people who love you isn't the same as mattering to everyone else. To the world. And when you're a prisoner. . . it's like you're not even a person anymore. Invisible. Forgotten. You don't . . . fit in society. You're not a part of it. No-one wants you to be. Yet society still affects you. Decides things for you. Every day. . ." She shrugged. "But then that's not so different from what life was like before. At least in my case."
"Magna. . ."
She looked up. Met her gaze.
No mask. No defenses.
No walls.
And Yumiko didn't think. Didn't hesitate. Raising her arm, she reached out a hand. Reached out again.
And again found only air to latch onto.
Magna turned away. "It's. . . whatever." She quickly loaded the last glass into the bus pan. "Look, I've really gotta finish cleaning up here. Early shift tomorrow. Would kind of like to get more than a few hours sleep."
Ducking her head to hide her disappointment, Yumiko stepped back. A small inch that felt like a mile. Couldn't help but wonder if she was stepping back for good. "Of course." She forced a smile. "I won't keep you."
Something flickered across Magna's face, too fast to catch - but the conflict was plain. She hesitated, poised to leave. Didn't. "I want you to."
Her brow furrowed. "What?"
"Keep me." The murmur was so low it took a moment for Yumiko's tired brain to parse it out, even longer to get over her surprise at the confession, to decipher any meaning from it.
Too long.
Magna turned away again, reaching for the bus pan. "I'll see you around."
"Magna-" the faint protest wasn't quick enough and Yumiko swore, watching as her back disappeared out the door.
Damnit!
She'd always found it difficult to keep up with Magna's shifting moods, shifting tones, shifting wants, but tonight had been on a whole other level. It was like playing Whac-a-Mole whilst drunk - and Yumiko kept missing the target. Kept missing it completely.
Fucking impossible.
Sighing, she leant back against the counter, massaging her temple.
Could really use some of that wine right about now.
Her brief moment of respite was ruined not a second later when her brother poked his head in.
"You know, if you were looking for your chance," he glanced back over his shoulder in the direction Magna had just left, ". . . that was it."
Yumiko scowled, straightening and stalking towards him. "We're not teenagers anymore, Tomi. Don't eavesdrop on my conversations."
It was a good thing she hadn't told Magna everything. Who knew just how long he'd been listening in.
"If I didn't eavesdrop, you'd never tell me a thing." He quickly fell into step beside her. "For instance, you never told me that you two finally graduated from hopeless pining to an actual honest to God relationship. Or that you broke up. Why did you break up, by the way? You've been in love with each other since before the world ended."
Yumiko didn't glance at him, too focused on Magna's silhouette in the distance, bent over a table as she retrieved yet another round of dirty dishes. She looked up, catching Yumiko's gaze. Holding it.
She counted out the beats of her heart. One. Two. Th-
Magna broke the connection. Moving onto the next table.
(three had always been a bad number)
Yumiko exhaled, releasing the air trapped inside her. "It's a long story." She glanced at her brother. "And one you're too drunk to hear at the moment."
Not that she had any intention of telling him regardless.
"Not drunk."
To his credit, the words weren't slurred, but the way he stumbled on his next step more than ruined the achievement.
Yumiko withheld a sigh, hooking her elbow through his. "I'll walk you home."
"Sure you wouldn't rather walk the woman of your dreams home?"
Nope.
If Yumiko's heart was given the deciding vote, she'd be helping Magna clear away those dishes right now, would ask for her hand when it was all over and try once more for that dance.
Only, this time she'd hold her close. The way she had that night at Hilltop. She'd hold her close and taste her lips and say all the things that she'd kept inside since the cave.
And she'd never let her go.
Not again.
Yumiko sighed, drawing Tomi into her slightly, refusing to admit that she needed the comfort of his heat, the press of his shoulder against hers.
Such physical affection between them had rarely made it out of childhood. But that was one thing Yumiko was determined to change this time around. As soon as she figured out how to go about it.
One of them being drunk and in need of aid seemed like a good place to start.
"Come on, let's get you home."
A/N: look, okay, I promise that things get better for yumagna from here. The next few chapters are pretty Tomi/Yumiko heavy - which was completely unintentional on my part and just kind of . . . happened, oops? - but then lots of soft yumagna goodness. They do still need to have a conversation about what happened in 10.5 - because Yumiko has some stuff she needs to get off her chest as well - but I promise you'll get some yumagna softness before that happens. Gotta break up the angst a little.
Sidenote: very sad that we only got one episode with Yumiko in 11b and very few scenes with Magna. Not to mention we've only had one scene with Yumiko and Magna this entire season, and it only lasted for a few seconds. I'm tired. I'm hoping and praying 11c is better. I can't say goobye to these two unless we actually get to see some quality content with them.