A/N: christmas present for you guys! I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas

Trigger Warning: implied sexual trauma

Previously:

"This isn't your fight, Miko."

Hardening her jaw, Yumiko took a step closer, gripping her hand. "Your fights are my fights. And my fights are your fights. That's how it's always been and that's how it's always going to be." She allowed her lips to lift, to dare at a smile that was both teasing - and fragile. "Don't tell me you forgot?"

Magna gazed at her. Silent. Mask slipping.

(crumbling)

The vulnerability there was painful, painful because of the surprise that accompanied it - the fucking surprise.

Yumiko went to reach out, to touch her face-

Found herself grasping at empty air as Magna turned away. The hand in hers slipping free.

Disappearing.

She clenched her jaw against the loss.

"Maybe I did forget." Magna hunched her shoulders, hands sinking into the water once more - and that wall, which had so slowly started to inch down, shot abruptly back up. Leaving Yumiko trapped on the other side. Again. "Considering."

It was easy to get lost in Magna's arms, easy to be consumed by the taste of her mouth, the heat of her skin. To lose all track of rational thought.

Yumiko burned under her touch, time falling away as she pressed in deeper, gripping Magna's shoulders. Felt an answering pressure against her hips. She panted, breaking for breath, before diving in again, eagerly searching out her mouth, searching out every part of her that she could find.

The fingers at her hips dug deeper. Nails edging into her skin. Yumiko hoped they left a mark. Hoped that tomorrow she would wake up to find the evidence of this night sealed to her flesh. That it wouldn't fade like a dream.

That they wouldn't.

"You have no idea how hard it was for me not to do this all night," Magna breathed, mouth parting from hers the barest amount. "Not to touch you. Really touch you."

Yumiko's head fell back as that mouth found new territory on her jaw, mapping a path to her neck. God. ". . . I think I have some idea."

And she wasn't the one who'd retreated from so many attempts.

Magna's lips parted, the heat of her tongue sending a shiver down Yumiko's spine and she gripped the back of her head, holding her in place - in case she got the insane notion to venture elsewhere.

She didn't, though the path of her hands soon proved distracting, tearing Yumiko's attention away from the heat of her mouth.

Although Magna had laid waste to the zipper of her dress some time ago, that dress still remained firmly in place. A fact she became even more acutely aware of when Magna began to fumble with the straps on her shoulder, tugging hazardously.

Yumiko caught her hand, arousal stuttering to a stop. "If you ruin this dress, you'll never have sex again."

There was a pause. Then she drew back. "You'd choose this dress over me?"

"Without question."

"Well, this is definitely a new low point." Magna snorted, beginning to work at the straps again, though in a far more controlled manner. "Don't worry, I won't harm your precious dress. You know. . . I could just go and find sex elsewhere, if it really came to that."

Yumiko delivered a punishing poke to her side.

Magna grinned, dodging the blow.

"Who do you think you're fooling? In ten years you've only had sex with one other person - after freaking out when you realized that you had feelings for me."

It hadn't been a joking matter at the time but now Yumiko only felt amusement curdle in her gut at the memory. God, they'd been so hopeless.

"I regret telling you that," she muttered. "Besides, I didn't freak out. I had a . . . controlled reaction."

Yumiko snorted. "Is that what they call it?"

"Yep." She leaned in, lips tracing the shell of her ear, before locating the sensitive skin of her neck. Yumiko shivered, feeling her exhale, "entirely controlled."

One of Magna's hands found the heated flesh of her thigh, palm smoothing along the surface, the silky fabric of her dress barely mounting a protest as she ventured higher.

Fuck.

Yumiko swallowed. Somehow made herself pull back, lungs desperately expanding for air - which came with far greater ease when Magna's hand retreated. "We are not having sex."

That was a good ground rule to lay down, right? Sensible. Considering everything. Considering the speediness of how rapidly things had shifted between them. It was a good ground rule.

Yumiko hated every syllable.

"I know." Magna's fingers teased her skin as she smoothly worked the dress over her shoulders. "But I still want to get you out of these clothes. It's been too long since I felt you."

Yumiko could more than share in the sentiment. Enough that any protest died on her lips.

To feel Magna again. . .

Really feel her-

Yumiko's hand clenched around her shirt.

No. They were definitely getting out of these clothes. And sooner would be better than later.

"Besides, I remember your rule. No sex when alcohol's involved. I didn't forget." Magna caught her eye, gaze intent as her hands stilled in their mission. "I didn't forget anything."

Yumiko paused, staring into the darkness of her eyes, the depth of emotion there - 'don't tell me you forgot?' - as her fingers came to rest lightly on the side of Magna's face. "Neither did I."

Her mouth drew up slightly, though the weight remained heavy in her gaze. "I don't know. Some things I think I would have liked you to forget. Haven't exactly shown my best colors in the time we've known each other."

"Debatable." Magna had the most beautiful colors of anyone she'd ever known. "And I could say the same."

"Debatable," she threw back, a shadow of cheek to her gaze. "Never known anyone's colors could be so good till I met you."

A faint grin drew at Yumiko's mouth. "Corny."

"Only for you." Magna's smile faded as she gazed back at her intently. "Do you really want to do this again?"

Yumiko raised a brow, suppressing a shiver as cold air skated across the bare skin of her back. "Kind of a bit late now to ask."

"There's still time." Magna threaded their fingers together, examining her hand. "Still time to back out. I won't blame you. Fuck, I'd understand. Things got so. . . messy. The fights. The lies. Misunderstandings. And I know that was my fault."

"Not all of it. More than some of that was on me too."

She'd had a lot of time to think. To re-evaluate. In the months that had passed. They'd both made mistakes. And if this was ever going to work, that wasn't something either of them could afford to side-step.

Appreciation shone in Magna's eyes for a moment, at the acknowledgment. "Yeah. So do you really want to do that again?"

Yumiko played with her hair, idly fighting against the urge to draw it loose, free. Run her hands through it.

Later.

"Who's to say it'll be the same as before? We're different people now. And I'd like to think that we've learned from our mistakes. Wouldn't you?"

"Sure." Magna lifted a shoulder. "I'd like to think that. Would even hope it's true. But I've never been so good at the learning thing. Or not repeating the same old mistakes. Creature of habit and all that."

You don't give yourself enough credit.

Yumiko could understand her fear, though, and would be lying if she said she didn't share it. But she also refused to be cowed by it. She'd spent far too much time letting that fear - along with many others - rule her tonight. And in the last few months.

She was tired of it.

Especially now that she had Magna here, against her, the taste of her still sharp on her tongue. "I think there's still a lot we need to talk about. A lot. But I believe things can be different this time. Better. I really do."

Magna's lips dared at a smile. A small one. Weak. Tentative. . . but there was hope hidden inside it. "Well, you've always been the optimist in this relationship."

"I don't know if I could ever be called that."

"No, you're the optimist. Not Pollyana levels but still. You've always had hope. For us. For something."

Yumiko's voice dropped as she slipped a hand under Magna's shirt, smoothing it over her shoulder. Feeling the heat of her skin. There was no lust in the action this time, just a desire to soothe. To feel. Anchor herself even. "I like to imagine the best. And when I'm with you, that's entirely too easy to do."

She snorted. "I would think I'd have the opposite effect."

"Sometimes you do. But only because I've had a taste of the best - and the fear of losing it is. . ."

Memories of the cave flashed momentarily in Yumiko's mind.

The terror.

Regret.

Her fingers dug into Magna's shoulder, just a fraction, as if the act could keep her there. Forever bound to her.

Safe.

"I don't want to lose you," Yumiko breathed, lightness gone from her tone. "Not again."

Their noses came together as Magna bent her head. "You never lost me."

Her heart twisted at the words, caught between agony and tender relief - and the feeling that swelled in her chest then was almost too much to withstand. But she refused to shy from it. To do anything but breathe it in

Yumiko closed her eyes, inhaling a moment. . . before smiling and drawing back. "Mm, I wouldn't mind if I lost the rest of your clothes."

Magna's mouth curled. "Lost them where?"

"Somewhere. Anywhere. Preferably far enough away that you wouldn't be able to find them again for some time."

She snorted. "I think I could be okay with that. As long as you lost yours too."

"You strike a hard bargain." Yumiko narrowed her eyes. "But I think I could be agreeable to those terms. With a little persuasion."

Fingers grazed her spine, drawing back and forth. Highly distracting. "Oh? And how might I persuade you?"

"By getting out of this shirt." She gave the material an emphatic tug, wishing she could unravel it with that gesture alone.

"Well, that's easily done. I certainly won't stop you." Magna looked at her expectantly, mouth turned up at the corner in a way that was anything but innocent.

She was enjoying this far too much.

And Yumiko. . . Yumiko was enjoying it too. The playful banter and teasing. The easiness she'd thought they'd lost.

And she would enjoy it a lot more once their clothes became an obstacle of the past.

Bending her head, Yumiko teased her lips apart, closing her eyes as Magna melted into the contact, releasing the barest of sighs. The sensation licked at the flames in Yumiko's chest and it was only with great self-control that she managed to resist the urge to grab her face, pull her closer, deeper.

Slowly, she ran her tongue over Magna's bottom lip, teeth catching it a moment later - biting down. Fingers tensed at her waist, the slightest press of nails making themselves known, and she couldn't resist applying a little more pressure, just enough to-

Magna moaned, the sound vibrating through her, overwhelming the meeting of their mouths. It was music. The kind she knew by heart - and the kind that had been absent from her life for far too long.

Pressing closer, Yumiko soothed the tender flesh with her tongue, drawing Magna's lip into her mouth, sucking. . .

Feeling the responding groan deep to her core.

Another sound like that and sex won't be off the table for much longer.

Biting the inside of her cheek, Yumiko forced herself to draw back.

Magna's nails dug into her waist, desperation in the grip of her hands. "Miko-"

She softened the departure with another kiss. A brief one this time, not daring to seek more, to start the ball rolling again.

Magna, however, had other ideas. Pressing into her, she attempted to deepen the kiss - huffing when her efforts brought her nothing but empty air. "You're killing me."

"I know. And I feel just terrible about it."

She snorted. "I'm sure."

Yumiko grinned, moving some hair behind her ear. Nothing but flyaway strands, taunting her. She ached to sink her fingers into more, feel more.

You just had to implement the no sex rule.

"Patience is a virtue."

Something Yumiko was trying very hard to remember right now.

" Yeah. Think I missed out on that one when they were handing them out at the christening. . . along with all the others."

"Oh, I don't know about that. You've certainly got fortitude. And I thought we already established earlier tonight just how charitable you are."

"Torturing you with Rob Zombie is considered a virtue, is it?"

"No comment."

Magna laughed, the sound drawing Yumiko in for another kiss. This time, though, she didn't give her a chance to respond before pulling back. Not when there was something very important she still had to take care of.

Ignoring the frustrated look on her face, Yumiko bent her head and set to work.

Magna's shirt, still half open, was easy pickings for her hands as she brushed the edges aside, revealing the curve of familiar breasts - criminally constrained within a far less familiar bra.

She raised a brow.

Magna frowned. "What?"

"I'm just shocked it's not black."

She immediately turned defensive. "I don't always where black."

"Magna, we're in the middle of an apocalypse, and you've somehow never found yourself without a black bra."

Really, it was impressive.

Might even be called a superpower.

She huffed. "Well, you try wearing one under a shirt like this. I mean, I would have. . . but I'm pretty sure I'd have gotten fired."

"Mm." Yumiko smirked a little, running her fingers along the nude-colored band, all the way around to her spine. . . thrilling in the shiver that met her touch. "Let me guess. . . you tried it once and they sent you back home to change."

"Twice." She grunted as Yumiko's fingers ducked under that band, teasing just a moment, before retreating once more. "But not tonight. Didn't want to risk being sent home and missing the chance to see you."

Yumiko stilled at the admittance - before a slow smile crept onto her face. "Is that so?"

"Well, I couldn't pass up the chance to see you all dressed up in your fancy shit."

"Or you just couldn't pass up the chance to feel me up."

Magna smirked.

Mm.

Achingly slowly, she worked her way down the unopened buttons of Magna's shirt, noting with increasing amusement her growing frustration at the docile pace.

Yumiko's amusement died when she felt cool hands cup the swell of her own breasts, the chill of Magna's skin through the sheer material of her bra strangling the breath in her lungs.

"Looks like you're the one wearing black tonight. Funny how fate works out. Kind of. . . what's the word?"

Yumiko grit her teeth as she ran her thumb over a taut nipple, which somehow managed to harden even further under the newfound attention. Traitor. "Ironic?"

"Right. That." The curve of Magna's mouth suggested she knew exactly what she was doing to her - and how torturous it was.

Yumiko was definitely regretting her no sex rule.

Really, what had she been thinking?

She'd forgotten just who she was dealing with.

"Magna," she said, voice low with warning.

"Mm?" She didn't glance up, still wholly fascinated with her current task.

Yumiko's hands meanwhile had given up on their own one, were instead clenching the course material of Magna's shirt hard enough to tear. "If you don't stop, I'm going to have to veto the no clothes idea."

"Your self-control that bad?"

"Around you? Absolutely - and wipe that smug look off your face."

She didn't.

But she did stop her torturous ministrations, releasing Yumiko's breasts. A temporary respite. For in the next moment, she felt fingers creeping along her ribs, hooking into the latch of her bra. Magna teased at it a moment, tugging and releasing, rubbing her skin across Yumiko's entirely more than necessary.

Bitch.

She batted her hands away, swiftly undoing the clasp herself - mouth turning up at the pout this promptly triggered from Magna.

"Spoilsport."

"Fair warning: I have absolutely no patience tonight. Tomi's drained me of every last drop."

And then some.

(though he'd certainly had some help in that regard.

Help that was currently straddled between her thighs, doing a valiant job of adding to the night's building frustration)

Magna raised a brow. "That bad, huh?"

"You have no idea." Yumiko let out a harsh breath, roughly slipping out of her bra - feeling a stab of victory at the slight parting of Magna's lips as her breasts were finally granted release. She could remember that look from the first time Magna had seen her, really seen her, and it was just as awed then as it was now. Just as hungry. Yumiko bit her tongue against the flood of heat that suddenly fought to overwhelm her.

Imagining her brother certainly helped on that front.

"You saw how long it took me just to drag him out the door."

Magna swallowed slightly, still seemingly unable to tear her eyes away. "Yeah. I could tell he was driving you up the wall."

"All the way onto the roof," she grumbled, reaching for the remaining buttons on Magna's shirt. This thing was coming off. Right now.

Embarrassingly, she fumbled over more than a few of them in her haste, ignoring the amused glint in Magna's eyes. The last button she eventually gave up on, frustration breaking through, and she yanked it free, hearing a pop.

"Hey-"

Yumiko covered the protest with a kiss, hands diving to explore all the flesh that had just been laid bare to her. Magna shuddered and she resisted the urge to delve higher.

Or lower.

(deeper)

Yumiko drew back, insides thrilling at the faint noise of protest she drew with her. "I'll sew it back on."

She'd offer to replace the shirt altogether but suspected Magna would bulk at the 'charity'.

A huff sounded in her ears, slightly strangled. "So I'm not allowed to ruin your clothes, but mine are fair game?"

Yumiko reached up, returning to her mission. The buttons may all be open now, but there was still a disturbing amount of material left in place. Keeping Magna from her. "If you knew how much this dress cost you wouldn't feel any confusion over the matter."

"Oh, I can guess. And it only makes me want to ruin it more."

Yumiko rolled her eyes, moving Magna's shirt down her shoulders, feeling another surge of heat as more and more skin was revealed to her.

No sex had definitely been a bad idea.

This was torture. An achingly sweet torture, but a torture nonetheless.

"What's the deal with Tomi, anyway?" Though Magna was trying to cover it, Yumiko didn't miss the hint of breathlessness in her voice. At least she wasn't the only one suffering. "Things looked pretty heated between you two for a while there. Do I need to beat his ass?"

Tempting.

But no.

Yumiko sighed, desire cooling. "Honestly, it's probably my arse you should beat."

The corner of Magna's mouth curved, gaze brightening. "Kinky."

She narrowed her eyes.

"Sorry. Couldn't resist."

"Oh, I'm fairly certain you could."

Magna grinned, before growing serious once more. "But seriously, what's going on?"

Yumiko took a breath. Released it. "Not now."

The last thing she wanted was to rehash the details of her sibling drama whilst undressing the woman she loved.

This was their moment. A good moment.

And she didn't want to ruin it.

"Fair." Magna's breath caught as Yumiko's fingers found their way to her bra, refusing to dally this time as they expertly undid the clasp. "But later?"

"Later," Yumiko confirmed, momentarily distracted as the straps of Magna's bra fell loose, cups barely covering what they had once contained. She breathed a moment, anticipation rising in her chest, thick and heady, making her heart pound. More slowly now, Yumiko gently took each of her arms in turn, guiding the trapping the rest of the way off.

God.

To think she'd once been in danger of never seeing this again. Feeling this.

And she was going to feel. Sex or no sex, she was going to feel everything that she could. Everything that Magna opened up to her. Everything that had been missing for so long.

She did need to talk about Tomi with someone. And there was no-one else she'd rather talk about him with than Magna.

But fuck if she was going to do it now.

Almost hesitantly, as though a part of Yumiko was afraid the opportunity would evaporate if she dared to reach for it, she placed her hands over Magna's breasts; resting lightly. Silky soft skin filled her palms, filled them perfectly - and she had to close her eyes a moment at the sensation.

A sensation she'd never thought she'd feel again.

When she opened them, Magna's own eyes were closed, her bottom lip caught in the grip of her teeth.

"Okay?"

She nodded wordlessly, exhaling. "More than." Yumiko smiled as Magna pressed into her slightly, instinctively seeking out more pressure. "Though you should know. . . my self-control isn't any better than yours."

"Right." She smiled a little ruefully and went to take her hands away-

"Don't." Magna seized her shoulders. Hands gripping. Holding her in place.

Yumiko stilled.

Waiting.

Feeling the desperation in the edge of nails, digging into her skin. Not hard enough to hurt - but achingly tangible.

Slowly, eyes shut, Magna leaned in, until their foreheads were touching, sealed together with sweat and heat. She let out a shaky breath. "Don't you dare let go."

Hot air bloomed against Yumiko's face, tickling her lips, and she closed her eyes, breathing Magna in. Noted the slight trembling in her frame and knew it was from more than just arousal. She kept her hands where they were, not moving, chest barely rising as she soaked in the warmth of Magna's skin, the heat of the air trapped between their bodies.

"I wasn't planning to," Yumiko murmured.

A promise.

The safest one she could give right now.

She heard the sound of Magna's swallow, felt the brush of something damp against her cheek. Yumiko remained motionless, not drawing attention to it, not moving away.

She could remember nights spent wrapped around each other, Magna's breasts cradled carefully in her hands as they fell into sleep. It wasn't sexual. Not on those nights. Instead, it was a kind of intimacy that Magna had been hesitant at first about expressing the desire for.

A comfort.

Yumiko knew that she'd hated anyone touching them in the past. Yet somehow, that hate had never extended to her.

'It's different with you,' she'd murmured one night, wrapped around her. 'It feels nice but. . . it also feels safe. I know you don't touch them with anything else in mind.'

'Anything else' being sex.

Yumiko could understand the sentiment. Nicole's touches had always been sexual. Or manipulative. Or just plain possessive. She never would have been content just to feel for the sake of feeling, to hold without pressing for more.

'You're gentle. Doesn't hurt. Never hurts with you.'

She'd also come to understand a lot about Magna's history just with that simple confession. A lot that she hadn't been told. Might never be told.

Yumiko still felt a low simmering fury every time she thought about it. And she tried not to let it take hold right now.

Not in this moment.

"I missed this," Magna murmured against her, eyes still shut.

"I know. Me too," she whispered, nudging her nose slightly closer.

I missed you.

"Can we stay like this?" Magna's voice was barely audible, but it wrapped around her heart like vines, gripping the fragile muscle without quarter. "Just for a bit."

The position wasn't the most comfortable, Yumiko's shoulders beginning to strain with tension but it was background noise. White static eclipsed by the heat of Magna's breath, the softness of her skin, pressing into hers, overwhelming her.

Desire had faded into the distance, barely stirring. In its place, she felt a calm. A security that had been absent from her life for months. That she hadn't truly realized was missing until right now, even as some distant part of her had tried to fill the void with a knife under a pillow.

Peace.

That was what this was.

The kind of peace she'd only ever found with Magna.

"Forever," she breathed. ". . . we can stay like this forever. If that's what you want."

In that moment, Yumiko did.

Magna exhaled and she felt the movement of lips against her skin, the faint impression of a smile. "Forever sounds nice."

A/N: I've been including 'previously's in some chapters just because it's taking so long for me to work my way through this fic and I figure that there are some parts that people will have forgotten and which are important to certain chapters. Do you like me including them or would you rather I didn't?