A/N: the way this was only meant to be a few chapters and now it's at 100,000 words (more than that when accounting for the chapters I have as drafts). . . screaming, crying, throwing up. why can i never write a short fic?
[Trigger warning: reference to sexual trauma, past abuse]
Also not really a trigger warning but there's some sexual content coming up in this chapter and the next so just be mindful of that if it's not your cup of tea
Blinking slowly, Yumiko fought back the exhaustion in her bones. Despite having yearned for the release of sleep all night, she now found herself dreading its approach. She didn't want to succumb to its embrace. Wasn't ready to. Not yet.
Wasn't ready to lose the fullness in her arms, the hard surface of Magna's back pressed against her chest, the tickle of her hair on her nose. . .
Wasn't ready to wake up and find this had all been a dream.
In an effort to distract herself, Yumiko began scanning the room, taking it in for the first time. The longer she looked, the more dissatisfied she became. The lack of a heater was far from its only fault.
The apartment was even smaller than the one Magna had owned before the apocalypse, which had consisted of no more than three tiny rooms. This place didn't even have separate rooms - the bathroom, kitchen and sleeping area cordoned off by threadbare sheets and a single wall with a gigantic hole in it.
But the worst offense was the mattress under them. Stiff, lumpy and not anywhere close to thick enough - let alone supportive. Yumiko winced, shifting a little to relieve some of the pressure on her hip, nose wrinkling at the musty aroma that coated to the air.
The conversation she'd had with Tomi floated back to her and her wince turned into a grimace.
Please don't let there be mold.
This mattress reminded Yumiko of so many of the ones they'd slept on during the years they'd spent on the road. Absolute torture devices and, honestly, one of the worst parts about being in an Apocalypse. She had no doubt that Magna was struggling with the downgrade.
The same way she'd struggled through those years. Silently. Without saying a word.
But Yumiko had caught every stray wince and grimace just the same. And she'd caught them tonight. Scattered throughout the evening when Magna thought she wasn't looking. Signs of discomfort she hadn't witnessed so frequently since before they'd moved into Hilltop.
Yumiko's stomach twisted guiltily.
Once, Magna had made a throwaway comment about the beds in prison ruining her back. Had said it in the same nonchalant, offhanded way she did most things about that place. A touch of off brand humor in her tone.
But Yumiko had never forgotten it.
"Move in with me." The words were quiet, escaping her mouth before she'd barely had the chance to think them - but she felt no need to yank back the request. To rescind it.
There was a long pause before Magna turned over, a heavy furrow to her brow. "What?"
"Move in with me," Yumiko repeated, more firmly now.
One of those brows hiked up. "I mean, I know lesbians move fast but-"
She silenced Magna with a finger on her lips. "This isn't fast. We've known each other for thirteen years. Lived together for ten of them. Hell, you stayed in my house when you first got out of prison for a month."
"Yeah, because you took me hostage."
Not exactly an exaggeration.
But also not the point.
"I miss living with you, Magna. Waking up next to you. Eating beside you. Going to sleep each night with you breathing next to me - I even miss being woken up by your God-awful snoring."
It wasn't something Yumiko had allowed herself to admit until tonight.
Not to anyone.
Not to herself.
Just how much she missed her old life.
The way things used to be.
How much she missed Magna.
Her words were met with silence. Thick silence. Tight with tension. Yumiko watched the emotions play out across Magna's face: the vulnerability tangling with indecision - and longing.
"We've been over this, I don't snore." The protest was half-hearted, the playfulness in her voice too feeble to succeed.
Yumiko held her gaze, refusing to back down. "Magna."
She was going to have to try a lot harder than that if she wanted to deflect from this, redirect. A lot harder.
"What? I don't. And, hey, they have camcorders here so we could set one up to prove-"
"Magna."
The forced playfulness died, silence taking its place.
"Do you want to move in with me?"
Yumiko waited, her question hanging in the air. She hadn't realized until now that there was a chance her offer might be rejected. It seemed like a no-brainer. Things were good between them again, they were good, so there was absolutely no reason for Magna to continue to subject herself to this hellscape of a living environment.
Even if things hadn't been good between them, Yumiko thought she still would have made the offer. After seeing this place, it would have been impossible for her not to. It made her nauseous, to think of Magna being here whilst she, Connie and Kelly lived it up in luxury.
It wasn't right.
None of this was right.
(and Yumiko still hadn't gotten an answer)
She reached out, taking Magna's hand and giving it a squeeze. A gentle prod. "I miss you."
That did it.
Magna squeezed her eyes shut - just a moment - then opened them.
"I don't want to ruin us," she murmured, a tangled blend of longing and regret in her eyes. "I don't want things to go bad again."
"Things didn't go bad because we were living together, Magna," Yumiko said gently.
"I know. But it scared me. Being so tangled up in you, so. . ." She exhaled, unable to find the words. "I don't want to get scared again."
Yumiko couldn't say she fancied the thought either. Wished she could believe it wasn't a possibility but. . . this was Magna.
Getting scared and running was what she did. Had always been a risk in whatever relationship they had.
She wasn't running now, though. Was determined not to.
And that. . .
Well, that was something.
That was progress.
"And you think maintaining some space will prevent that?"
"I don't know." She chewed her lip, reaching out to graze a finger over Yumiko's cheek. "I just know that I want to do it right this time. I don't want to make the same mistakes." She shifted closer, nose brushing against hers. "When I'm with you, I can't think straight. Always been that way. So I need to hang on to some space to think in. Just for now."
"Fine." Yumiko could understand that. Even if she wished otherwise. "But next time we do this, it's at my place."
Magna's mouth turned up. "What, my bed not good enough for you?"
"Your bed isn't even a bed but it might be a torture device." She grimaced, massaging her spine. "I don't know how you've been sleeping on this thing."
She could actually feel a sliver of metal poking into her ribs. Suspected it was a spring that had erupted through the mattress, fruitlessly covered up by nothing but a sheet.
"We've slept on worse." Not since coming to Hilltop. "I think you've just gotten too used to your cushy life here in the Commonwealth."
She was still grinning, eyes light, so Yumiko knew there were no barbs hidden in this tease that she needed to shield against. "No. I think your mattress just sucks."
"Uh huh. And you can say that till you're blue in the face but it's still not going to convince me to move in with you."
Damn.
Magna smirked at the look on her face. "Baby steps, 'kay?"
She could do baby steps.
She could do embryonic steps.
If that was what it took to make this work. To keep from repeating the past.
Still. . .
"Not so sure lying naked in bed together could be considered baby steps."
"Mm, true," Magna shifted closer, still smirking, "but we haven't had sex so I wouldn't say we're taking leaps and bounds."
"Yet. We haven't had sex yet."
A fact that was slowly and surely eating away at Yumiko's self-control.
It had been too long since they'd been together in that way.
Too long since she'd heard the sounds of Magna's moans in her ear. Those moans. The ones she only made when-
Yumiko closed her eyes at the thought, shuddering as she felt fingertips lightly brush over her ribs, creeping higher. . .
"Well, the night's still young."
"Technically it's morning," Yumiko somehow found the voice to say.
Magna narrowed her eyes at the tease, before her mouth faltered, regained its grin. A grin that was too tempting not to taste. Raising her chin, Yumiko captured her lips, eyelids fluttering as she felt the fingers on her ribs tense, drive deeper.
The action sent a jolt to her center and she pressed into Magna without thought, feeling the flush of her breasts, crushed between them. The hardening of nipples against her skin, digging in. It was too much and Yumiko had to draw back. Had to catch her breath.
She could hear Magna breathing just as heavily and when Yumiko opened her eyes, the heat she saw staring back at her made her sorely regret the need for oxygen. The most frustrating of biological flaws.
Yumiko wet her lips.
There was a question in Magna's eyes and she answered it by closing the gap again, kissing her again. Slower now. But firm. Decided. "Is that all you've got?"
Magna's lips drew up against hers. "You know it's not."
Still, her next kiss was no more hurried than the last. Her tongue dancing across Yumiko's lips, teasing - but refusing to enter even when she eagerly opened to her.
It was torture.
One that might have continued forever if oxygen hadn't become an issue again.
(why did we get rid of gills?
Evolutionarily advancement, her arse)
They parted slightly, and she watched as Magna's mouth ticked slowly up. "So. . . what happened to not having sex?"
Yumiko grazed a thumb over her cheek, resisting the urge to tighten her grip, draw her in. Taste her again. "That was before. And this is now. . . and right now I want you."
All that was left of her fragile self-control had fled. And after the conversation they'd just had about what had happened before the cave, Yumiko wasn't feeling nearly so committed to taking things slow. They'd taken it slow for eleven years. A little speed was more than earned.
"And what about your rule?" Magna's smile was teasing but she caught the shadow of caution in her eyes.
Concern.
It was unnecessary.
Alcohol and sex had. . . always been a triggering combination for Yumiko. But she hadn't put that rule in place just for herself. She'd created it for the both of them. Because Magna and alcohol, and Magna and sex and alcohol. . . well, that was a complicated dynamic that Yumiko would rather avoid. There'd been some past incidents between them, moments and conversations that had planted an unsettling seed of suspicion in her mind. Magna had never said anything explicitly but Yumiko could read between the lines. She could always read between the lines. To point any of that out now, though, wouldn't lead this conversation anywhere good. Certainly wouldn't lead it down the path every cell in Yumiko's body was currently begging for.
"I had less than a glass, Magna. I'm fine."
She still looked cautious. And Yumiko wished some of that caution - some of that concern - would extend to herself. If her own relationship with sex and alcohol was discomforting, Magna's was a disaster. A disaster she'd never seen the problem in.
(Yumiko had always trusted her not to take advantage of a situation. That wasn't a trust she'd ever afforded to many but with Magna it came easily, even before they'd gotten together.
Despite the concept of sexual boundaries being as foreign as a far-off country for her, she'd always been mindful of Yumiko's. Like every piece of caution she refused to give to herself came instinctively when meant for her. It was frustrating, and sad, and sweet. And something they'd been working on before everything went to hell)
"It's fine, Magna." Yumiko drew closer, stroking a thumb across her cheek, soothing the reservation from her face. "I promise."
She'd never been the one who had a problem with making their boundaries known. Drawing a line.
And Magna had to know by now that if she was uncomfortable with something, she'd state it. Immediately. Yumiko only wished that went both ways.
Magna smiled a little. "Okay then."
Her mouth curved. "Okay?"
"Mmm, though I'll admit I'm a little at a loss as to where to start. So many possibilities." A hand smoothed over the surface of her ribs, venturing up. . . "So many places to re-explore. Feeling kind of spoiled for choice."
Yumiko laughed. "Something tells me you'll figure it out."
Magna bit her lip. "Something tells me you're right. . . though I might need some help."
She smirked. "Oh?"
"Mmm." Magna cupped one of her breasts, "Some pointers here or there," Yumiko hissed as she rubbed a thumb over her nipple. "I mean, it's been so long."
"You make a compelling case," she managed, fighting against the urge to take that hand, press it closer.
Not yet.
First she wanted to see where Magna would take this.
The answer was down.
Way down.
Mm, no. Not so fast.
She knew Magna's ways. Knew that, if she let that hand continue on its course, she would make a game out of teasing her for the next thirty minutes - or more. Always drawing close, but not close enough.
And Yumiko hardly had the patience for that tonight.
She surged forward, taking Magna's mouth in hers, swallowing the slight exhalation of surprise as she trapped her hand between them.
If anyone was going to be getting teased it was Magna. She deserved it after spending the ball and its aftermath slowly driving her insane.
With that in mind, Yumiko slipped a thigh between her legs - felt nails dig into her skin as the hand that wasn't caged between them gripped her back. "Shit."
Thrilling in the reaction, Yumiko drew back, ever so slightly. Just enough to achieve a noise of dismay.
"Not cool," Magna huffed.
"I don't know. I happen to find it very cool." She pressed in again. "And a little bit wet."
More than a little.
Magna groaned. "I swear if you-"
Yumiko pulled back, creating more space than even she could tolerate between them - but it was worth it for the look on Magna's face.
"Fuck. You."
She smirked. "Isn't that the idea?"
Yumiko's victory was short-lived when her opponent sat up, so fast she barely had time to blink before she felt Magna's weight falling into her, pressing her into the mattress, their lips coming together in a dizzying collision.
It wasn't something Yumiko could find it within herself to protest.
Instead she caught her shoulders, urging her closer. Momentarily losing herself in the sensation of Magna's breasts, pressed flush against hers, the heat of her mouth.
Perhaps there wouldn't be any teasing tonight after all. From either side.
They'd both waited so long. Both employed more than enough patience for a lifetime.
Right now, all she wanted was to feel Magna. All of her. Every part she could touch. Already knew it wouldn't be enough.
It never was.
A spring pressed into her back and she let out a grunt of frustration. "I hate your mattress."
Magna snickered against her neck, the vibrations sending a thread of heat through her. "Shh. You're going to hurt its feelings."
"I don't bloody care."
God, she wondered just how many other people had slept on this mattress. Or done other things.
She grimaced, arousal dying down.
Then shooting back up when Magna's hand found her breast again, fingers teasing across the rise of her nipple. Teasing, teasing . . . before giving a gentle squeeze. Still too light to be anything but torturous.
Yumiko hissed.
"Stop thinking so much," Magna scolded.
"Keep doing that and I'm never going to be able to think again."
She felt a smirk against her neck, and another accompanying squeeze. Hard enough this time to make Yumiko regret all the months they'd wasted not doing exactly this. "Fuck."
It wasn't enough.
Magna hummed. "I love it when you swear."
Oh, she was aware.
Had used the fact to her advantage more times than she could count.
Magna continued to tease her breasts, her touch growing lighter and lighter as time went on - and more frustrating. Yumiko squirmed, arching her back in an attempt to increase the pressure. Only for Magna's hand to retreat altogether.
Huffing, she glared at the woman above her, who looked entirely too pleased with herself.
Arse.
"You're so fucking annoying sometimes."
"I know." Magna dipped a finger in her mouth, lips wrapping around the appendage in a way that had her momentarily spellbound, before drawing it free and lowering her hand to Yumiko's neck. Slowly, she traced a damp path down her skin, trailing over her collarbone, between her breasts. . . Yumiko shivered. "But secretly you love it."
Magna circled her breast, round and round, mapping a wet path for goosebumps to form on, never drawing close enough to grant relief. On the fourth rotation, Yumiko lost her patience. "I really bloody don't."
She shot out a hand, planting it firmly against Magna's chest and shoving her back. The grunt of surprise that fell from her lips was more adorable than sexy and Yumiko smirked, wasting no time in switching their positions.
Still, even as she bent her head to take Magna's mouth in hers again, she paid close attention to the body under her. Feeling every muscle, searching for signs of tension or hesitation. It was a habit born over months and even after all this time apart, it fell back into place without consideration.
There was no unease in Magna's form, though, only eagerness as she reached up to thrust her hand into Yumiko's hair, tugging her closer to deepen the kiss. And for a time that was all they did. Kiss. Explore the inner surfaces of each other's mouths as the heat built steadily between them.
It had been so long, after all. And all those kisses earlier tonight hadn't been nearly enough to make up for the months spent without even the briefest of pecks. The slightest taste.
In truth, Yumiko could happily do this for hours. This and only this. It was so much more than enough, so much more than she'd ever dared to believe she would have again. She could be content with this.
But that didn't mean she didn't crave more. And from the way Magna was starting to squirm beneath her, her hips bucking intermittently - searching for relief - she wasn't the only one.
Yumiko hesitated, fingers skating up heaving ribs, grazing the sides of soft breasts.
It was Magna's voice in her ear, the wet brush of her lips against her skin as they formed a shaky exhalation - "Miko." - that decided things.
Yumiko slid a thigh between her legs, smirking as she felt her shudder - then gasp.
She thought about teasing her again but the way Magna's nails dug into her shoulders was impossible to ignore. To resist. They urged her closer, as did the shallow breathing in her ear, the sharp rise and fall of Magna's breasts against hers.
Teasing could wait.
Right now she wanted to feel.
To tempt all the noises she knew Magna could make. The noises it had taken so long to be given the privilege of hearing after they'd first gotten together. She'd been so silent in the beginning.
So controlled.
Yumiko was glad those days were behind them. That when she set her lips to Magna's neck and rocked against the junction of her thighs, a deep groan sounded in her ear. Followed by a curse.
(she'd always been vocal in that last regard)
Yumiko could feel the wetness of Magna's arousal against her skin. Had to swallow back her own groan.
Her hand itched, craving to touch, to explore.
Not yet.
Maybe not at all.
She'd already pushed things a lot just by doing this. And she wouldn't venture any further until she knew, without a doubt, that it was safe to. And for that, they needed to talk first.
"So this is why you got rid of the no-sex rule," Magna panted. "You just wanted to cash in on your chance to be on top."
And the time for that seemed to be now.
Reluctantly, Yumiko drew back, unable to stop the faint upturn of her lips at the frustrated look on Magna's face. "That may be a factor."
Though, in all honesty, Yumiko couldn't care less. All she wanted right now was to touch her. In any way she could. In every way.
Magna heaved an exaggerated sigh. "Fine. Go ahead."
Yumiko raised a brow. "Your enthusiasm is breathtaking."
A hand slid between them, taking that breath far more successfully.
Magna smirked. "Oh, I'm just filled with enthusiasm, actually."
Yumiko snorted. "I can see that."
Feel it too. In the flushed heat of Magna's skin, the pounding of her heart against Yumiko's breasts, the dampness on her thigh. That last sensation set her own flesh ablaze and it took everything in her not to lean into it, to draw another groan from Magna's lips.
Because all joking aside, this was important. This wasn't something she could just dive into. No matter how much she wanted to.
If the first year of their relationship had taught her anything, it was that.
"Are you sure?"
"That I want to have sex with you right now?" Magna nodded with comical eagerness. "Yep, very sure."
Yumiko rolled her eyes. "Be serious for a second." An ambitious ask, she knew. "Are you sure?"
"I was being serious. I am very sure about my desire to have sex with you right now."
Said seriousness was somewhat spoiled by the unashamed smirk that followed.
Yeah, so she was going to have to be a little more direct.
"I was joking earlier tonight. I don't care about being on top." Hadn't cared for a long time. Years before their own relationship had come into being. "But I know that you do."
And the levity fled Magna's eyes, the fingers currently tracing patterns on her hip coming to a standstill.
Yumiko waited, watching the emotions wrestle their way across her face - though they were so far below the surface it was difficult to catch a single one, let alone decipher its meaning.
After a moment, Magna's fingers resumed their earlier motion, features calming with each gentle stroke. "I'm good, Miko."
Yumiko wasn't so sure. Their history was testament enough that she couldn't always take Magna at her word. Not in this.
She'd lied before.
The doubt must have been apparent on her face because Magna's mouth curved slightly up. "Seriously, I'm good. I'd tell you if I wasn't."
Yumiko sent her a look.
"Okay, maybe not," she allowed. "But I wouldn't have offered in the first place if I wasn't. And I wouldn't have brought it up again now. . . I'm good."
That was slightly more believable.
The tension in Yumiko's chest started to ease, aided along by the little smirk that came to tease at Magna's lips. "Besides, I wasn't kidding before. Sometimes being under you really is my favorite place to be."
Yumiko's mouth twitched.
As much as she knew that to be true, she also knew Magna hated having anyone's weight bearing down on her - whatever the context. A keepsake from her father. That, blended with a need for control during sex, made being on top a general prerequisite. Sometimes it wasn't necessary. Sometimes, they deviated from the norm. Sometimes Magna felt comfortable enough to experiment. But for the most part, this was the formula they stuck to.
It was safer.
And after months without having sex, Yumiko wasn't so sure she wanted to take a gamble.
Ultimately, it wasn't her choice, though. It was Magna's. And she would follow her lead. No matter where it took them. Playing dictator and enforcer of Magna's boundaries would only be stripping control away from her through another channel.
(she was also keenly aware that Magna could tolerate someone being on top. But sex wasn't something to be tolerated. Endured.
She certainly didn't want that to be the case for sex between them)
"But if you really want me to be serious," Magna said, drawing her attention back, "all I want right now is to touch you. I don't care how."
Yumiko smiled slowly. "Let's just play it by ear."
"That just so happens to be my favorite kind of play." Fingers danced around her waist, tiptoeing down. Stopping just short of too far down. "You know, sometimes you overthink things too much."
She raised a brow. "Pot. Meet kettle."
"Yeah but I usually overthink things after the fact."
"How's that working out for you?"
". . . not great."
"Mm." Yumiko grinned, smoothing a hand down her chest. Her journey was thwarted however when Magna caught it, threading their fingers together.
"You sure you're not just having second thoughts?"
She considered the question. Knew the answer within a breath. "Positive."
"Because I'm fine if we just lie he-"
Yumiko silenced her with a kiss - firm and unquestionable - before drawing back a fraction, face heating with the tangle of their breaths. "Right now, my only thoughts are about being with you."
Magna smiled slowly.
Yumiko traced that smile with the tip of her thumb, skin tingling against the damp coating on her lips. "But I do think we should see where things go first. Put that particular fantasy of mine on the backburner for later."
Yumiko wanted this first time together again to be easy. Enjoyable for both of them. Inviting the risk of flashbacks or panic attacks into it was hardly the best way to go about that. But later. . .
The corner of Magna's mouth began to curve. "Later, huh? Exactly how many times are you planning on getting off tonight?"
"Less times than I'm planning on getting you off."
Magna grinned, rising up on her elbows. "Is that a challenge?" She craned her neck, seeking out her lips-
Yumiko dodged the attempt, amusement throbbing in her chest. "How many times do I have to tell you? Sex isn't a competition."
"But if it was I would win."
"No."
"Yes." Magna caught her lips in a brief but oxygen-stealing kiss.
". . . no," she breathed.
"Yes."
"No." The firmness of Yumiko's assertion was probably somewhat undermined when she drew Magna into another kiss. One she gave in to all too eagerly.
Yumiko tugged her bottom lip between her teeth, sucking gently. Amusement swelling inside her at the strangled noise that escaped Magna, the way she arched, desperately seeking out more contact. Yumiko pulled back, smirking at the befuddled - and not a little bit pouty - look on her face.
"Besides, if it comes down to who can get the other off more, then I win."
Magna grunted, stare entirely baleful. "Only because you have a biological advantage."
Yumiko snickered. "I'm not so sure I've ever heard anorgasmia called that."
"Well, it is. And it also means that you should get points detracted. Make it a more even playing field."
"We're using points now?"
"Only if I get most of them."
Of course.
She rolled her eyes.
"What?"
"I just forgot how interesting you are to have sex with."
"I'm choosing to take that as a compliment."
"It wasn't."
Magna raised her voice, "I'm choosing to take it as a compliment!"
Yumiko slapped a hand over her mouth, snickering. "Shh. You'll wake up the entire block."
Magna parted her lips, tongue striking out to cover her palm with a generous helping of saliva.
Yumiko grimaced, retracting her hand. "You're a heathen."
Now it was Magna's turn to grimace. "Yeah, no, stealing insults out of my aunt's playbook is killing the mood. That was one of her favorites."
Internally, Yumiko winced, but knowing better than to let such a reaction show by now, she kept her tone playful, examining her hand in disgust. "Your slobber all over my hand is killing the mood."
"Oh, well that's easily fixed." Magna caught her hand, drawing it to her lips. Her tongue danced out again, slower this time, skating across the surface of Yumiko's palm.
Her breath caught, not taking her eyes from Magna's, as she carefully sucked each finger into her mouth.
Definitely fixed.
Her newly damp skin tingled in the cool air, sending a shiver up her spine - but Yumiko knew she couldn't blame it on the cold. Not entirely. "Am I going to get those back?"
Magna smirked in between shifting her mouth to Yumiko's thumb. "Do you want them back?"
Wet heat filled her senses as her thumb received the same treatment as its fellow brethren - momentarily robbing her of words. Instead of answering, Yumiko lowered herself down, drawing her hand free of Magna's grasp in the instant it took for their mouths to meet.
It started as a slow exploration, Yumiko using her elbows to prop herself up slightly as she settled herself. She was mindful to keep her weight off Magna. So she wouldn't feel crushed. Trapped.
It was a simple thing. But something she'd learned could make all the difference.
For now, Yumiko knew their positions were okay. It was later, as things grew more heated, that they'd have to reevaluate.
Magna's mouth broke from hers, a breathy exhalation coating her lips, sending a shiver down her spine. "So about those points. . ."
Yumiko groaned, throwing her head back. "Magna, are we actually going to have sex or just talk about it all night?"
She could roll with the second, but she would like to know in advance.
"Hey, you love talking about sex."
"Mm, and you don't." At least when it got in the way of actually having sex. "Which makes me wonder if you're the one getting cold feet." Magna went still. "Are you?"
"Not cold exactly. . ."
Yumiko raised a brow.
Magna exhaled, reaching up to trail the backs of her fingers along the side of her face. "If we do this, I'm never going to be able to let you go again."
It was a warning.
"Good." Yumiko bent her head, catching her mouth in a firm kiss. "I don't want you to."
Magna arched her neck as their mouths met a second time, leaning into the kiss.
"Feet feeling a little warmer?"
"Oh, they're on fire. Still, might need a bit more attention to make sure they don't catch a chill again."
"That can be arranged."
Cupping the back of Magna's head, she brought her into another kiss. More forceful than the last. Hands found Yumiko's back, driving her closer, anchoring her in place.
As the heat between them grew to scorching, she had to part for breath - barely allowing herself an instant before reclaiming Magna's mouth.
'I'm never going to be able to let you go again.'
God, she hoped that was true.
Wasn't sure what she'd do if it wasn't. If she had to go through all this again. Losing Magna, not by circumstance but choice. Having her still in her life without actually having her.
Could she say goodbye a second time?
No.
No, she really couldn't.
Yumiko paused.
Magna noticed.
Lips dying against hers, she drew back haltingly, examining her face.
"You the one getting cold feet now?" Magna's tone was light, but there was a faint shadow of nervousness in her eyes.
"Not so much." Yumiko stroked her cheek, hoping to soothe her unease. "Before we do anything, I want to know, I need to know that you're in this. I can't handle the back and forth anymore. . . I understand your reservations, and I know why this is hard for you. Why it's always been hard. But I spent our entire relationship never knowing if you were going to leave. . . and I realized tonight that I can't do that anymore."
Magna swallowed. "I told you before, Yumiko. . . I'm in." The words were firm. Firmer than she'd expected. "I'm not saying that I'm never going to get cold feet again because let's face it, it's me. Right now, I feel like I'm done running. I want to be done running. But. . . some days, I'm still going to want to run. Some days I might even try. But I never actually will. Not again. . . I'm in. And I'm not going to leave. I'm never going to leave. That I can promise."
"You can?"
Because their conversation about Magna's fears around hurting her hadn't left very much in the way of encouragement.
Magna took a breath, then nodded. "I can." She touched her face. "It's been thirteen years, Miko. If I've learnt anything by now it's that I'm never going to be able to leave you. I tried and it sucked. Also didn't work out. . . so yeah, I'm in. For as long as you want me to be."
She smiled. "So forever then?"
Magna's own mouth slowly grew into a smile as she drew Yumiko to her. "Like I said, forever sounds nice." They came together, the warmth of Magna's mouth driving out the chill in the room.
In some ways, the promise was more comforting than if it had come without the caveat. Because Yumiko knew in her heart that she never would have been able to believe it then. Trust it.
Not yet.
This. . . this was realistic. This she could believe.
Yumiko smiled and gave herself over to the kiss, to the hands cradling her face, and a heart beating steadily under hers.
Gave herself over to Magna.
A/N: Did I choose the title of this chapter just to fuck with y'all? Absolutely. Do I feel guilty for it? Not one bit
also when I say sexual content is the hardest content for me to write i swear to God. if the plot or characters didn't demand it then I'd save myself the anxiety