Chapter 6: Eternal Return

Zootopia…On board the Bunnyburrow Express…Present day

Judy held up a paw interrupting Kaiden which snapped him out of his flashback, a sullen expression across her normally jubilant face, her eyes had a glaze of tears in them. She refused to shed them, instead shaking her head slightly trying to rectify the events she just heard.

"Excuse me." She said softly, a slight crack in her voice.

She stood up and walked away to the other side of the car they were in, thankfully it was empty. She stared out the opposite window, an occasional sniffle from her could be heard by the foxes.

Kaiden stared at Nick, who in turn stared right back. Not exactly sure what to make of all of this, but more than anything trying not to judge, Nick had his own regrets going through similar dilemmas, of survival and how far one would go to protect themselves, of what he did to protect himself. Nick didn't judge, but his image of the fox in front of him took an additional facet.

"Though that was the point, wasn't it?" Nick thought. "He wanted to tell us so we understood him better. To know what he'd been through to get here. He did say that he did horrible things, and while this may have been the first. I suspect it's not the last."

Kaiden looked down at the floor of the train car, he wasn't sure how to respond or even if he should respond. His eyes darted back up as Nick stood up and shuffled out of the seat.

"I better go talk to her." He commented, thumbing towards Judy at the other end of the car.

"Yeah." Replied Kaiden with a pregnant pause and remorse.

Nick walked over to Judy and placed a paw on her shoulder, angling around to see her face. Her eyes were darting around as she did when she's thinking, the thoughts themselves evoking tears.

"What are you thinking?" asked Nick.

Judy blinked a few times, tucking her lower lip under her teeth, trying not to look at Nick. Taking a moment to collect herself with a deep breath.

"I'm telling myself I shouldn't judge. And I'm trying my best not to cry."

"I'm trying to understand how there can be mammals that are that cruel, and be willingly able to accept the idea of putting children through that."

Nick didn't know what to say, except a sad expression on his face.

"Eleven years old, Nick, eleven years old!" she pointed her paw at Kaiden.

"Do you want to know what I was doing at eleven?" she asked.

"Playing cops and robbers with your brothers and sisters?" Nick fired back.

"Emphasis 'playing'." She responded.

"I mean when you add his story, your child hood hustles and even Gideon's crappy home life, every fox I've run into has lived an unhappy life."

"I'm sorry." Nick blurted.

"What? Why are you apologizing? It's not your fault. Hell it's not his fault or Gideon's, none of you did anything to deserve this. I just want to know why it keeps happening." She explained.

Judy punched her fisted paw against the glass with a soft 'thud'

"God damn it." She muttered pressing her forehead against the cool glass.

"The world can't all be sunshine and jumbopops, carrots." He lamented.

Judy stared at her reflection in the glass for a moment and then straightened herself up and looked at Nick with an expression that simply haunted him.

"The truth is Nick, the world was never 'sunshine and jumbo pops.'" She replied

"That was just something I believed because I was too naïve and stupid to know any better."

"Carrots, don't say that."

"Why the hell not, Nick? Why the hell not?" she asked.

"I'm starting to realize the truth about Zootopia's motto, 'Anyone can be anything'" Judy moved her paw in front of her, as if spelling out the city's motto.

"And I'm realizing it's not all good, sure Anyone can aspire to be anything, but they also can become monsters if they choose to. The people who did this to him are the real monsters. The people that kidnapped and tortured you are monsters."

"I love you. And I'm realizing that beyond the 'touchy-feely' moments and fluff we have between us, that statement comes with a promise." She explained.

"A promise?" Nick quirked his head, ear perking up.

"Yes, a promise that says 'no matter what'. No matter what happens, no matter what I have to do, no matter how many monsters I have to slay. I will never let them hurt you again." She explained.

"And all my friends that I love and care for, that promise extends to them." She added.

"Judy, you can't make that kind of promise, or do those kinds of things and expect to stay clean." Nick protested.

"Who says I expect to stay clean?" She fired back

"Carrots…" He reacted with an expression of incredulity.

"If to protect my friends and my lover, it costs the naiveté and self-respect of the ZPD's first rabbit officer...Then I consider that a good bargain." she finished.

Nick's face became sullen almost guilty, it was something that he hadn't wanted to admit to himself, but she had changed, the city's grime started sticking to her, and though he knew that she should face the reality of things, there was a part of him that wanted to protect her from it and keep her the happy, exuberant rabbit that he come to love.

'What's better, to live a quant lie or face the truth in all its awesome and terrifying glory?' he thought.

He admired both sides of her regardless, because in the end she would always do what's right, and maybe sometimes heroes had to get a little dirty to ensure that right won out.

But still, it was a shock to see, and to know that he was partially responsible made him feel pangs of guilt, even though she would tell him not to.

He felt her paw caress his cheek, snapping him back to reality.

"Don't" she said with a sad look on her face.

"What?" He blinked a couple of times.

"I know what you're feeling. Don't… I'm still the bunny you fell in love with."

He reached up, clutched her paw and smiled softly.

"Come on, let's go back to Kaiden." he suggested.

The two went back over to their seats, The older fox, who had not moved and was staring out the window a distant and sad expression on him. The fox, deep in thought was surprised when he felt the soft fur of a rabbit hugging him. Snapping him out of his thoughts, he looked down to see a pair of sad amethyst eyes staring back up at him.

"It's not your fault, you didn't ask for this." She offered.

"I know. But I'm guilty just the same. Sure it's not fair, but it is what it is."

"I'm sorry I reacted the way I did, it just…caught me by surprise." She stuttered.

"It's alright, it's only natural, what happened was an impossible choice." Kaiden replied.

"You did what you were forced to do, to survive. I can't imagine the hell, even as you're talking about it. I know it's something that just talking about it isn't enough. I'm just saying, I understand you and I'm not condemning you for it."

"You're kinder then most would be."

"I know, but you're my friend, and we want to understand."

Nick and Judy took up residence in their seats again.

"So…what happened…after?" asked Judy.

Kaiden swallowed and continued where he'd left off.

"Well, after we left training, we started getting assigned missions out of the city, overseas. We were assigned all sorts of things, extraction, assassination, sabotage, you name it. Thinking back on it now I wonder why I never questioned it. But in truth, I was naïve and believed that what we were doing had some kind of intrinsic value, that somehow, some way it was making things better."

"For four years we had lived the moniker we earned in training 'The Fiends'. Do you know what a fiend is Judy?" he asked.

"No." she answered.

"A wicked or cruel person, an evil demon or spirit, and we certainly were that, we became so good, so 'efficient' at what it is we did that morality didn't even enter into the equation anymore. It became no longer a question of whether it was the right or wrong thing, it became a sense of doing it because the MIA wanted it done." He explained.

"In truth, I was as bad then, as Jarod was when you ran into him at the station during the massacre, cold and ruthlessly efficient. You wouldn't have liked me then, in fact, I would even venture to think you would have actively hated me had we met back then,and to be honest, I wouldn't have blamed you."

"But you're not that way now. You've changed, you're trying to do the right thing, to make amends." Judy countered.

"Yeah. And I'll tell you why that is, because there was one mission, in fact the last mission just before they turned us loose and sent us home at seventeen years of age. Where I hesitated and that questioning nature of myself intruded after years of being suppressed. That other self that dreamt of a simpler life with a beautiful arctic rabbit that he knew." Kaiden replied.

"What happened" Judy inquired

"Well…." he drifted.

Bearlin… Eighteen Years Ago…

The old city of Bearlin was, in its heyday, the center of the world; all eyes focused on it since the construction of Zootopia and the subsequent refocus of the world stage onto its newer shoulders. Since then, Bearlin had become an example of post industrial decay, a city whose focus became servicing the things that Zootopia couldn't because of its desire to maintain the "shine and gleam" and be the modern mammal metropolis.

Jarod had become the leader, which was not unexpected considering he led the squad back in training. Nala had excelled in stealth and covert entry, Barrett provided heavy weapons and munitions and Kaiden operating as point mammal, providing close quarters and fire support where needed.

Their MIA handlers dispatched them to Bearlin a week ago where, according to their briefing, a Bearuskian militant group was trying to get their hands on a weapon of mass destruction, purchasing from another group. All in all a bad thing for Zootopia. The team's objective was simple: gather evidence of the sale, find out where the seller is sourcing the weapon and neutralize any witnesses.

The seller had set themselves up in an abandoned factory in the industrial district, an old and decrepit building which had seen better years. The disarray and disuse of the area had provided a good backdrop for all sorts of covert or criminal dealings from drug sales or smuggling operation. In this case a weapons sale. Jarod and his team had no idea what to expect, so they kept on their paws expecting anything and everything. Kaiden was in plain clothes pretending to be a homeless fox observing the building, Nala providing overwatch with a sniper rifle on the neighboring building, Barrett at the ready with the van full of support weapons and battering ram, and Jarod keeping an eye of the building from the vantage of a nearby alleyway.

The Bearuskians had finally made their appearance, several black and polished limousines had pulled up, doors opening and stepping out in various shapes and colors and sub-species of bear, Black, Grizzly, polar, and a rather imposing Kodiak who's limo rose up on its suspension as he stepped out. Taking a scan of his gaze almost as if feeling out the situation, he sniffed the air, a white tuft of fog formed as he let out an exhale. Each bear's hot breath letting out small and fleeting puffs of fog against the cold Bearlin air.

"Looks like we have activity," chirped Kaiden over his comm system.

"Keep observation stance, at least until the seller arrives," ordered Jarod.

"Roger that," the fox answered back.

"I'm counting ten, no, check that, twelve guards plus our primary." Called out Nala.

After several guards check the building and come back out, waving their paws in a 'come forth' motion, the group moves into the building.

"They're moving into position." The lioness advised.

"Keep calm, the seller should be coming soon." The Lynx reassured his team.

A few more minutes pass and a solitary sedan approaches and stops in front of the building, the driver a tiger quickly gets out and opens the door for his passenger, a small statured Panda, who scans the area in apparent concern, the two nervously make their way into the building.

"All the players have arrived," Nala called out.

"Alright team…move in," ordered Jarod.

With expert coordination, the team slowly moved in, Kaiden made his way across the street and into a nearby door, pulling of the homeless disguise he readied his small carbine, the large suppressor on the front almost doubles its length, but in this case quiet is preferred to overall stopping power.

The disused factory is riddled with rust and cobwebs and the faint smell of old books for some reason. The walls a faded green with white Bearuskian writing, the paint peeling from the walls in curly chips, with faded brown rust formed underneath. All of which was betraying the age but neglect that this building along with the other buildings in this district were suffering under.

Perhaps in some far and distant future Zootopia would suffer the same fate, a city aged and neglected from those who would call themselves its caretakers. The fox shook that vision from his mind, he had a job to do and it was up to him to do it.

He closed the door shutting out the sun light from outside and gave his eyes a moment to adjust. Carefully creeping up the nearby stairwell, placing his paws softly on each tread of the steps, not to make a sound, the soft pads of his feet, brushing slightly against ground before putting all of his weight down and repeat with the other leg. The foot wraps on his feet themselves made of Nylon and Kevlar kept his feet safe from the elements and the occasional pieces of debris, but some mammals namely him preferred to have the tips of the toes exposed, for grip and a feel for the terrain.

Eventually reaching the top of the stairs and seeing a guard on the landing above, a grizzly, keeping a lookout at the windows, presumably for anyone wishing to disrupt the sale. He knew he had one shot and given his weight it was going to be an effort. Kaiden crept forward to ensure a kill shot, raising his carbine, he took aim, the bear as if knowing someone was watching him turned, he batted the carbine just as the shot spat out and hit the nearby wall, the gunshot sounding like a puff rather than a bang. The sheer strength of the bear caused the weapon to fly out of Kaiden's paws.

The bear went to grab the fox, Kaiden jumped and ran along his arms and onto his shoulders. The bear thrashed trying to swing him off, Kaiden held on and pulled a garrote that was tucked in his sleeve. Unwrapping it and tossing one of the wooden handles to his other paw, he wrapped the piano wire around the front of the bear and pulled hard. The sharp motion caused the bear to gasp and more frantically grab at Kaiden, thrashing more violently. Kaiden thrown to the left and right like a rag doll just kept holding on. The bear slammed his back against the wall pinning the fox, scraping him along it until he could reach him, violently plunging his elbow against the fox.

Kaiden grunted at each impact, the bear's strength even from an elbow shot hurt, the bear gasping desperately, the blood trapped in his face and eyes. Kaiden tightened his grip for he knew if he let go know the bear would kill him and moreover warn his comrades and blow the whole mission. Every violent impact of the bears elbow against the fox's ribs made his chest feel like it was on fire, squeezing out the air in the lungs. Kaiden, unable to keep regular breathing, concentrated on one thing, keeping his grip on the garrote.

The encounter seemed like forever but in reality only a few minutes had passed, Kaiden felt like he was about to pass out and suddenly the bear went slack and slumped forward of the wall landing with a loud thud. Kaiden rolled off of him and onto his back, panting loudly, gripping at his ribs. "They have to be bruised." he thought. He mustered his strength and got up off the floor.

He checked the bear's pulse, none, he was dead. The surprised and bewildered expression locked on his face showed evidence of that. The now dead and dull eyes seemed to star back at Kaiden who caught his reflection in them. He huffed, with the callous dismissal of a job well done and retrieved his garrote. Taking notice of the red line the garrote left as it cut into the grizzly's skin underneath his fur. He walked a few paces and picked up his carbine.

"South-east stairwell, clear." He chirped over his radio, taking that as the only commentary on what he had accomplished.

Moving through the building he and Nala met up at the North end of the second floor, she had made quick work of three of the guards.

"Where are we at?" asked Kaiden.

"I found the factory's camera system still works, just needed power. Tapped into that and recording the sale. Now all we have to do is get the weapon and take care of them." She answered Kaiden

"Great." He replied back.

"Barrett, are you receiving the signal?"

"Yeah, it's recording right now, you better get in there." He replied.

"Jarod?" she spoke into her radio.

"First floor, East side, back me up, remember to save one."

The two nodded and moved towards the main factory floor, Kaiden and Nala each surprised a guard overlooking the factory floor dispatching them with efficiently. Jarod though not mentioning it had managed to dispatch two guards on his way in leaving the remaining four plus their target along with the seller and his driver conducting business on the factory floor.

Kaiden and Nala took positions above the floor, Jarod at the eastern approach.

"Barrett, can you insert two canisters of CS through the factory windows?" asked the lynx.

"You got it boss, hold one while I get into position." Replied the buffalo.

"Switch to non-lethal, and equip masks." Ordered the lynx.

Kaiden and Nala put down their weapons momentarily and dug into their operations packs retrieving their gas masks, and non-lethal tranquilizer darts magazines. Putting on the masks and switching ammunition, they each chirped their radios three times as a ready signal.

"Barrett?" asked Jarod.

"Ready? Go on your signal." He replied.

"Barrett, deploy gas." Jarod signaled.

A moment later, the sound a window glass breaking, then another, two canisters hit the ground right in front of them, their surprised expressions giving way to horror as the canisters hissed and spilled their contents as a thick white fog filling up the warehouse floor. The group coughed and hacked loudly.

"Team, go go go." Called out Jarod on the comms.

Kaiden and Nala descended onto the factory floor and began to incapacitate anyone they found. Kaiden had managed to find a hard in the fog and knock him out with the tranquilizer.

"Help!" called out Nala.

Kaiden went towards the sound of her voice and found that one of the polar bear guards had overpowered her and was trying to crush her with his weight.

Kaiden reacting, pulled out his sidearm which was still loaded with lethal rounds and shot the bear twice in the temple, causing him to immediately go slack and fall over dead. Kaiden grabbed her paw and hoisted her on her feet.

"Thanks." she said

"Your welcome." He replied.

As the gas started to clear, Jarod had grabbed the panda and zip tied his paws behind his back.

"Is everyone alright?" asked Jarod.

"Five by five" Everyone answered.

Kaiden saw Barrett towards the west end of the factory, apparently must have come in during the firefight and taken out one of the guards that tried to jump out the nearby window.

Jarod took stock in the situation counting the bodies on the floor the large Kodiak, three bear guards, the panda and his tiger driver. Tilting his head to the side recounting in his head he turned to Kaiden and Nala.

"How many did each of you get?"

"Two." Kaiden replied

"Four." Nala replied.

Jarod looked around again, tapping his finger in the air counting, muttering to himself

"Two, three, four, five…..SHIT!" he exclaimed.

The team all looked at Jarod.

"We missed one." He answered.

The sound of a clatter of paw steps, they all looked in that direction.

"I got him." Called out Kaiden, who took off running after the sound.

Following the clatter towards the backend of the warehouse, everything was deathly quiet, Kaiden panned around looking for any kind of movement. He went and checked the nearby door, it hadn't been opened. He turned around just as a white blur of fur tried to jump him, he jumped out of the way as the bear impacted the door and busted it open, the sunlight beaming in from outside.

The bear got to his paws and tried to run, Kaiden gave chase tackling his legs causing him to stumble, the bear thrashed on the way down causing Kaiden's mask to come off. The moment punctuated by the fox standing atop the bear, pressing his side arm into his forehead. Both mammals panting loudly, the bear trying to catch his breath.

"Please, don't kill me." Pleaded the polar bear holding his paws up.

Kaiden's expression changed to one of shock, he was half expecting a threat.

"Please…Look, this is something I've never done before." He continued.

"Well too damn bad." Replied Kaiden.

"Look I know I don't have a good reason for you to let me go, but I'm asking."

"Why should I?"

"Because you killed my brother."

"Your brother? You mean the one that just tried to crush my team mate?"

"He was just trying to buy time for me to get out of there."

"And that's makes it alright?" Kaiden asked angrily.

"My brother was in the family 'business' and I thought I should too, but I didn't realize it was like this. I just wanted to be in a position to help predators or something, not some kind of terrorist kind of deal."

"Your brother, what is…er….was his name?" asked Kaiden.

"Pyotr, Pyotr Koslov." He replied nervously.

"And that would make you?"

"My name is Boris." Replied the young polar bear.

"How old are you?"

"Nineteen." He replied.

Kaiden's expression softened, this polar bear was only a few years older than him. Kaiden did something that he hadn't thought to do in years, like a fog had lifted from his vision, and all of a sudden the world didn't make any sense. Kaiden stepped off the bear and let him up. Still pointing his side arm at him

"Go." He muttered.

"You…..you're serious?" asked the bear still bewildered.

"Yeah, get the fuck out of here."

"You don't have to tell me twice."

"Yeah but more than that, you need to get out of Bearlin, like today. Your mercenary friends are about to be steam rolled by my employers."

"Where am I supposed to go?"

"Hey it's a big world, I'm sure you'll find a place, preferably as far from here as possible."

"What about….." the bear thought aloud

"…Don't tell me you idiot! Just get going! Now!" Kaiden interrupted, motioning with his sidearm.

The young polar bear realized what he meant, he picked himself up and ran down the alley as fast as he could leaving Kaiden alone in that alley way. The fox was conflicted, his training told him what he did was wrong, that this polar bear was a witness to their existence let alone activity, that it was a clear violation of protocol, and the other side of him, long buried and numb that came back to the surface and made him question what he was doing.

"I hope he makes it" he thought to himself.

"Hell, I hope I make it." He added.

Kaiden placed his side arm in his holster, and walked back to the others.

A few moments later…

Kaiden found himself back inside the factory, Jarod and Barrett had bound up the Kodiak and the Panda, Kaiden walked through noticing the unconscious guards had already been 'dispatched', disposed of like garbage. However in many ways they would be the lucky ones, for the Kodiak and the Panda would likely go through much more intense experiences on the way to them telling the truth about what is they were doing.

Nala was inspecting the 'weapon' and was wondering exactly what it is that they were doing business over. Kaiden had approached and looked over her shoulder as she opened the case, inside was a custom foam insert cradling a glass containment vessel, inside was what appeared to be a golden ball of fluid, it was undulating and rippling randomly.

"Woah, what's with the freaky disco ball?" Nala commented on the appearance of it.

"Yeah, it's weird."

The two seemed entranced at looking at it, it only seemed like several moments had passed, when a paw slammed the case shut. They shook their heads.

"Are you suddenly weapons experts?" asked Jarod incensed.

"No sir, we were just…" Nala replied pointing at it

"Curious?" Jarod finished.

"Well you know what they say about curiosity and felines don't you."

"But sir, that doesn't seem like it's a weapon."

"Ah so you are suddenly a weapons expert?"

"Jarod, I'm just saying that in my experience…."

"I don't care! It's classified is what it is. Ours is not to question but to get the job done. We were sent to retrieve it, not to sit around and play '20 Questions' asking ourselves what it might be."

"Yes sir."

"Now, clean up this fucking mess and let's get out of here. Understood you two?" Jarod inquired.

"Yes, Sir!" they both acknowledged.

Jarod snapped the case shut and picked it up walking off with it toward the van. Nala and Kaiden picked up the Panda, while Barrett picked up the Kodiak. As they carried the bear, Kaiden looked at Nala.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure." She replied.

"When you were looking at it, did it seem like, it said something?"

Nala stopped and her expression went wide eyed, looking back at the fox.

"It did, didn't it?" Kaiden pried.

"Yeah, it…..it called my name."

"Same here." Kaiden replied.

"More than that, it felt, warm and content. It said my name in the voice of…..my mother." She admitted.

Kaiden's expression went wide, and he huffed in amazement.

"Yeah…me too." He replied.

"What does it mean?" she asked.

"I don't know." He replied back.

"Hey you guys! You coming?" called out Barrett from outside.

A few months later…

The mission in Bearlin would be Kaiden's last in a covert capacity, the MIA in their wisdom determined that the youngsters they recruited to be released on or around their seventeenth birthdays, to reintegrate into civilian life, and to prepare for their 'official' introduction into military life on their eighteenth birthdays. Kaiden never found out the real reason, or even IF there was a reason, but it didn't matter, they let him go, if even for a little while.

Kaiden truly hadn't come to grips with the fact that just like that, he was on his way home, even as the train's wheels squeaked as it stopped and the announcement over the train's PA system rang out "Zootopia Express, now arriving Bunnyburrow station."

As he stepped off the train, the sun beaming on his fur, the warmth of it, he took a deep breath of the clean and free air. Even if it was only for a little while.

Zootopia…Bunnyburrow…Present Day.

Kaiden took a breath as he finished, it seemed the emotional impact was hitting him again, he cradled his face into his paws and took another breath.

"We can stop if you want to." Suggested Judy.

"Just for a little bit, this next part is a bit….personal. And it's hard to think about."

"Ya' know you don't have to do this." Suggested Nick.

Kaiden rose his head from his clasped paws.

"Oh yes I do. I have to tell somebody, I mean somebody has to know what my life was. Somebody to judge it as worthwhile or not."

"Is that the reason why? So we can tell you if your life means something?" Nick asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Something like that, but more than anything, I just want you to know." Kaiden replied.

"Well we're with you." Replied Judy.

"And I thank you for that." Kaiden smiled.

'Zootopia Express, now arriving at Bunnyburrow station. Please secure all item and prepare to disembark.' Called out the train's PA.

The clatter of the wheels as the train slowed down, the slight squeak and hiss of the braking system as it came to a stop at the station. The doors opened and Kaiden, Nick and Judy stepped out, looking around, the sight, the smell, the sounds, everything took him back to that moment years earlier when they stepped off the train.

"Wow, it's certainly different without the Hopps army here to greet us." Commented Nick.

"We're not here for that Nick." She fired back.

Kaiden said nothing as he took a deep breath of the air, the sun beaming on his fur, the warmth of it, for a moment he felt out of time, the place hadn't changed much, in fact if it wasn't for Nick and Judy standing there he would swear he was back there.

'But this is now' he reminded himself 'and, so much happened since then. There is so much I have to tell them.' He thought to himself.

"The more things change, the more they stay the same."