Chapter 2:

Episodes 5-9

That brings me, finally, to the shark. Aoi. I didn't plan on her being there. Learned that several bodies had been found in that area, and yes, as soon as I learned that there were bodies in that area, that had been mangled by what clearly had to have been an aquatic beast of some sort, and I saw that someone you used to know worked around that area, I instantly thought of her as a beast.

But that isn't a mark against you, Jun, I promise.

What happened to Aoi, wasn't your fault.

It was hers.

No one made her into a murderer. She chose to wreck those women to pieces herself. She was a serial killer, Jun. Nothing else.

Any excuses she came up with, it was solely to deflect any guilt that she was worthy of.

She murdered multiple women, Jun. You need not feel guilty for her death. I know you do still, but you don't need to.

When I first brought you into the car to talk to you about Aoi, I didn't disapprove of Kazumi to hurt you. It was the same thing as before. I worried about the stress you'd be under.

And when I presented Aoi's pictures to you? I still didn't mean to hurt you. But I knew what the likelihood was of Aoi being the killer.

When you returned to where she worked, and the DBT was detected? I knew I had been right, but that didn't make me feel any joy. I knew it was cruel sending you in to investigate her. Even if I thought it necessary. And I hoped I was wrong. If only because I hoped to gain another devilman in this fight against beasts. But Aoi had not been a devilman.

When we listened to the fights below in the tunnels, shining the lights down, knowing that you and Aoi both were in Giga forms, I yelled to you to kill her, not because I was trying to control you, but because I thought that whatever sentiment that remained for her, would get the better of you. I have much more confidence in you now than I did before. But I know you feel sympathy a great deal and love more than most would in your position. Many would take advantage of that.

Then again, you've experienced that with me, haven't you?

When I heard that bloodcurdling scream? It hurt. It hurt horrifically. I knew it wasn't your scream. I knew you weren't in danger. But it hurt, nonetheless. Because I knew that killing Aoi, had meant killing a part of yourself.

I stared into the hole leading to the tunnels when I heard that scream, whispering, "Oh, Jun."

When you went to your normal size and climbed out of the tunnel, I saw you averting your gaze from me, just trying to block everything that you had to do, out of your mind, and were silent entirely, as I brought you back to your and Kazumi's home.

I know that was…an extremely difficult time for you.

It was why I might have seemed particularly controlling when you expressed interest in the cat beast.

Hitomi Konno.

You were so strongly against my verdict that she was "beast material." But I had seen how interested she was in you. How interested you were in her, past reason.

Thinking back, could you rationalize your interest in her?

And I tried to get you to be cautious. To be careful. I didn't lie when I told you in the train station platform that I cared about what happened to you.

It wasn't just me being concerned about a weapon.

I didn't want you to suffer the same pain you suffered when you were forced to kill Aoi.

I knew even then that if Hitomi turned out to be what I thought she was? Then you would have to kill her anyway.

But if you hadn't grown close to her, then killing her wouldn't have hurt you as deeply as it did.

I'm sorry…that sounded accusatory, didn't it?

I realized how protective I was being over you when our company picked up the DBT readings. I'll admit, I picked up my protectiveness even then and found it strange.

For all my quick deductions, I apparently was slow on understanding why I was so protective of you.

After you ended Hitomi, and we brought you back to your apartment, I tried to speak to you quietly, and you gave me a look that honestly impressed me.

It was a look that said, "If you say, 'I told you so,' I will tear your face off.'"

But I could see the pain in your eyes.

You hadn't enjoyed a moment of killing Hitomi, any more than you had Aoi.

I just pushed anything I felt more than relief at Hitomi's death, in the back of my mind, under a compartment that was labeled, "It had to be done."

Then a week later, there was that beast that had the scythe like arm-blades, during the fog.

I'll admit, I was confused as to why it wasn't easier to take down the beast for you. But I suspect again, your compassion got in the way.

Remember please, that beast killed his wife and child after he became a beast.

I used to think devilbeasts were by default, all murderous abominations, next to devilmen. But now?

Now, I think that the violence of a beast, depends on who the person was before the transformation.

The man that was a beast later that killed his own wife and child? It sounds to me like he had been thinking about murdering them a long time before he ever became a beast.

I found that out after we found the wallet attached the beast's side, after you killed it.

I did a background check on the man he used to be. And yes, he killed his wife and child as soon as he became a beast.

I now don't think that he couldn't control himself. I think that was always who he was going to end up being.

He saw an opportunity. And he took it.

I know I was harsher when I spoke to you in the hospital room than I should have been. I'm sorry, Jun.

I know you were in pain. And that it was stressful. There isn't much I can say that will make up for it. But I am sorry for ordering you to go out there and fight the beast, after you were already injured and tired.

I knew that the moment that word got out that devilbeasts and devilmen existed, there would be mass panic. So, in a way, I panicked.

But I know I hurt you, speaking to you that way in the hospital.

When we were back in the van, driving towards the location where we detected the beast again, and we talked about the "reaper" you said your grandfather mentioned? I'll admit I might have disregarded your words, but I noticed how you slipped when I asked you if you saw "death."

You said you fell asleep at the window before you saw anything.

But I didn't believe that for a moment. I feigned dismissal by saying, "figures," but I didn't believe your claim that you fell asleep.

You saw something, didn't you?

It was why I brought up the Specters of Brocken. I was trying to reassure you. Though, I imagine coming from me, any reassurance must appear as a condescension.

What did you see that night, Jun?

Because after you killed the beast and after we found the wallet and you stared sadly at the picture of the man that butchered his family and I told you what he did to them, I remember you saying something very interesting.

You said, "What if it was myself I saw that night?"

Were you referring to the night you supposedly fell asleep by the window while looking for the "reaper?"

You thought you saw yourself?

Do you really think so lowly of yourself that you think you are death?

Anyone can be death, my dear. Beast, devilman and normal human alike. You are not as twisted as you think you are.

I knew there was nothing I could say to try to make you feel better about it. I already had probably done worse by trying to dissuade you of feeling any compassion for the beast, after learning of his family, by saying, "Don't worry your pretty head about it," then informing you callously about the man murdering his family.

It most likely came off as a condescension.

Then that broadcast was released several weeks later. The man transforming on camera, his body bulging into grotesque proportions.

We called in Jason Bates.

I remember how you reacted as soon as you saw him.

I saw how taken with him you were.

I won't lie, I was possessive. Jealous and possessive when I saw how you looked at Bates.

I knew what an affect he was having on you, because of your instincts and because of his instincts.

It…..annoyed me, to say the least.

We went to the apartment where the man had shot the broadcast, and you asked me that question. About if everyone in our factions had seen those pictures of you as a devilman, like Bates had, and I answered in a way that I know I very much should not have.

I said, smirking, honestly more than anything else, confused as to why you weren't proud of your body and of how strong you were, "That's your work, isn't it?"

And we arrived, you detected something odd-like the man could change back into his human form from his beast form.

And we met Bates outside of the house.

I know I spoke harshly, made assumptions after Bates asked to "borrow you."

But…I don't like Bates-I know that's an underwhelming explanation for why I reacted the way I did, but it's the truth.

Bates was an intelligent man, and a most powerful and battle-worthy devilman.

I say "was," because we still don't know if he's alive or not, do we? For all we know, after he went Giga and you had to cut his arm off, he might have died. Either before or after all the chaos broke out.

All that aside, despite all Bates's intelligence and experience in battle, I always distrusted him. Always felt him disquieting. I didn't understand this at the time, but I think I know now that the reason why I was so distrusting of him, was because he was too much like me.

Arrogant. Self-serving. Unable to see past anything except our goals and our gratification.

When we tracked the beast down to the news studio, you went in, making that declaration about not doing it for me.

I knew that was meant to spurn me. But I only cared at that point, that you got rid of the threat.

When after a long period, the masses were directed away from the building and I could enter, I tracked down where Bates had gone, knowing he followed you.

And what did I walk in on?

Well, nothing that I wasn't happy to interrupt.

There you were, on your back, trapped under a network of lights, with Bates hovering over you, not letting you up.

I don't know what would have happened, had I not interrupted. I don't believe at the time he would have tried to force himself on you. We both know that at some point, he became more than willing to force himself on you. But at the time, in the news studio, I don't think he would have.

Still, I'm glad I arrived when I did.

I didn't like him getting anywhere near you.

I was relieved when I saw that you were alright. Injured, but not past the point of healing.

I know I've said something like this before, but it hurt seeing you like that. Trapped beneath the lights, bleeding, helpless.

I know it's not an excuse, but that was why I was so angry when you came out of the studio, with the trench coat that I ordered put over you, on, bandaged.

What I said…about you humiliating me, about getting our reputation back…I never should have said it. But I knew that you wouldn't get stronger just from the incentive of you protecting yourself.

I know it's not an excuse. I'm sorry.

Then there was what happened a few days later.

The beast with the many eyes.

I cannot begin to confess how much I loathed that one.

It was a repulsive mass full of eyes that barely could do anything on its own, and it thought it got to make you or any of its victims feel less than they are. Less than you are.

I suppose that's what self-loathing sometimes does.

While you, even if you have come to be disgusted with a part of yourself, you still are capable of great compassion and love, while beings like that? Turn their self-loathing on others and gouge out their eyes.

That's why I firmly believe that the how a beast turns out, is entirely to do with the type of person the beast was, before they turned into a beast.

When the doctor checked on you and brought back the prognosis to me, that you were paranoid, I'll admit, I was not as sympathetic as I should have been.

Troubled by you being paranoid, and not being able to defend yourself from the growing beast population, I suppose I saw your mental condition a way that I most certainly should not have.

Then there were the increase of bodies. Brutalized bodies.

All of them sharing a similar trait.

They all had their eyes gouged out.

And when I realized that they all centered around the same place? The amusement park? I knew that we needed to go bring the troops there.

And you there.

But when I got ready to retrieve you, I got a call from the man that I stationed to watch you from your window.

You had left your residence.

There had been a horde of apparently, flying eyes that were right outside your window, watching you and Kazumi. Kazumi's back had been to them, so she didn't see them.

But you saw them, and after keeping Kazumi from seeing them, and after the flying eyes fled, you went to the roof, discarded your robe and changed into your devilman form, flying after all of them.

I'll admit, when I heard that? I was impressed by your motivation.

But still, even if you were one hundred percent confident? I still would have come after you. And I knew that you mentally had not been in the right place for this.

So, I moved even faster, with a pack of troops carrying flamethrowers.

And I'm relieved I did.

I have no illusions, Jun, I don't think that me saving your life that night at the amusement park, excuses anything I've done since then or before that, and I don't think me saving your life in the park means that you owe me in any way.

But I'll admit I was relieved that I came after you when I did.

And I was very much enjoying myself when I ordered the troops to open fire on the creature's eyes.

That grotesque beast, he tortured and butchered multiple women, and thought that he could treat you the same way.

Contrary to what you think of me, Jun, there are very few times when I've actually enjoyed watching something die.

But the devilbeast covered in eyes in that amusement park who humiliated you and tried to torture you to death? He was one of the most enjoyable deaths I've witnessed.

I felt righteous judgment and enjoyment, staring at him, as he was horrified at being watched, and he ran into the funhouse, full of mirrors, tearing out his own eyes out and running out of the funhouse, as a result.

And we were waiting outside of the funhouse for him.

And we set him ablaze. And it felt good.

When you got up and I went up to you, I asked you something.

I'm sure I must have sounded insulting. Wouldn't surprise me.

But what I said, had been a genuine question.

"Will this make you stronger?" I meant it as an actual question.

Did seeing the beast that had made you feel as ugly as he was burning into cinders, make you feel better? More confident? Stronger?

Did it bring you peace enough that you would be willing to care more about your survival in future fights?

Whether or not you're willing to believe me, Jun, what I wanted more than anything, was for you to be safe.

Author's note

I should have made it clearer, but Asuka's recounting this right around the time the devilbeasts are rounded up and put into prisons and camps in the anime.