Chapter 7: Home Again

Zootopia…Bunnyburrow…18 Years ago

Kaiden had managed to rent a small apartment above the general store in the town proper of Bunnyburrow. The owner of the store had moved out to a house outside of town and the apartment itself hadn't been lived in for a while. Thankful for a tenant and more importantly the supplemental income of rent payments, they leased out to the fox especially after he mentioned that he used to live around these parts.

At the very least he had a place to rest his head at night; his personal belongings didn't amount to much, a few changes of clothes in a duffle bag, some toiletries and personal items. A particular item that Kaiden had worn all these years was the half heart shaped pendant that Lily had given to him years before. Now scuffed from years of wear, the same chain that she gave him, now sporting his identification tags he received from the MIA.

He lay on his bed looking at the pendant wrapped around his paw, watching it reflect the light coming inform the nearby window.

Since he had returned he wondered about her, what happened to her? Kaiden knew how intelligent she was, if he was above average, the she would be a genius. Probably already in her first year of college, proudly wearing the Zootopia U orange and blue, maybe she met somebody, somebody that makes her happy. He pictured her smiling and happy with her life, having moved on from the childhood crush and onto better things. "She deserved happiness." He thought.

He considered asking around perhaps looking her up but he dismissed it, "Why shatter a perfect thing? Who am I to come into her life and fuck things up like you always do?" he asked himself.

"She's moved on." He reminded himself with a mental slap.

"And she's better for it, you fool."

"She doesn't love you, it was a crush from when you were eleven years old, it's nothing, gone, dead and buried."

Even with all the self-reminders he couldn't stop thinking about her. Eventually his curiosity and emotions got the better of him. Sitting up and putting his chain back around his neck, he left the apartment. Walking with almost giddiness as he descended the wooden stairs, the owner was a trusting sort and had lent Kaiden the use of his old pickup that he kept at the store for deliveries and the agreement that he paid for gas. Taking the keys and starting up the truck he made his way to the Harrington farm.

Thirty minutes of hard driving later he arrived at the farm, getting out of the truck, the door making a loud clack as it closed against its housing. Looking around the fox took a survey of the scene, familiar yet different, the place had retained its shape, the house, the storage barn, all just as he remembered, the paint curling a bit and of course a sense of age. He walked up to the yard in front of the barn; the grass had eroded away to well packed down dirt.

The place was unusually quiet, back in the day, Jacob had farm hands running around this place, for that matter the fields were also much larger with crop, Kaiden looked out and found a lot of it had been lying fallow. So deep and lost in thought he was he didn't notice a rabbit tap him, and surprised as he was he jumped as of being touched by a ghost.

"Oh jeez, sorry Mister, didn't mean to scare you there." Said the rabbit.

"It's my fault, I should have been paying attention to my surroundings." Apologized Kaiden.

"So what can I do for you there?" the rabbit asked.

"I used to…..um, I'm wanting to inquire about where the rabbit family that owns this farm are?"

"Are talking about the Shadowfoots?"

Kaiden's was taken aback.

"No, I'm talking about the Harringtons" he clarified.

"Oh! Them folks, well they don't own this here farm no more."

"What happened?" the fox asked.

"Well if I remember right, the eldest had a bad accident, something about his back…or was it his legs. Hmm…" the rabbit trailed off.

"Do you know where…."

"Back! Yes it was his back, he wasn't able to walk after that, So Ol' Jacob sold the farm to pay for some high fangled operation for his boy."

Kaiden became visibly distraught.

"Well don't fret now, from what I remember it worked, that boy walked out of here, maybe with a limp but he walked out of here." The rabbit reassured him.

"What about…his daughter?"

"Jacob's little girl?"

"Yeah."

"Hmm…" the rabbit thought.

"Did she go off to school? Like College? Did she go to Zootopia?" Kaiden asked, almost insisting.

"Now calm down now, I may be old but I'm not slow. No I don't remember hearing anything like that about his little girl."

"What did you hear?"

"Nothing really, as far as I know she's still with her 'pa."

"Do you know where they went?"

"Uh-uh" he shook his head in the negative.

Kaiden stood back several paces and held a paw to his head.

"Sorry I couldn't be the bearer of better news son."

Kaiden saddened by this news trailed away.

"Oh, what did you say your name was, sonny?"

"I didn't." he answered ruefully.

Kaiden walked back to the pickup truck, with his enthusiasm drained. His thoughts filled with a rabbit whose dreams must have been crushed like his were. He could picture it now, Jacob ever dutifully giving up every dime to his name for his boy, and Lily the wonderful person that she was doing the same for her brother. Kaiden gripped the open window frame of the driver's door, and winced as he pulled against it, letting out a frustrated huff, snapping back to a standing position and got in the pickup.

He drove a fair way up the road from the Harrington's former farm, and took a left down that road in front. He had to see it, just once more, one time to feel what he didn't get a chance to feel before and look upon its structure. He drove and came in front of a familiar house of course it had long since been repaired and repainted, another family already living there. For a moment he saw the faded sepia toned after images of his past standing in that yard, that day so long ago when they moved in. The day he met…her.

His sullen expression as he leaned against the steering wheel, remembering a life that now seemed so long dead and buried. He wondered maybe this was just another lesson by the MIA, another reminder, another proof that Kaiden Ellison, was owned, in whole, stamped approved and operated at the behest of MIA, not a slave, but a highly specialized weapon system, a thing. That the MIA sent him home to serve as a reminder, that nobody was there, that nobody missed or even remembered him that he truly can't go home again.

This sad fact started to set in, but his thoughts kept drifting to Lily, the truth was he was more concerned for her wellbeing then his own even now, his feelings for her just went into a kind of hibernation those many years, and being here stirred them from their cold and subsumed slumber. Putting the truck into gear he decided to head back into town.

The drive back down the same road was somber, not the exciting trip it was the first time, a literal one hundred and eighty in addition to the emotional one. He chuckled to himself at the absurdity of his thoughts.

"What did you expect to find, you idiot?" he asked himself.

"Did you expect to find her there waiting for you? As if the last six years never happened?"

"Those kinds of things happen in insipid romantic fairy tales, not here, not in real life."

"The harsher truth is life and happiness is fragile, like glass, treat it too harshly and it will shatter, and the shards will cut you."

Eventually reaching the town proper, he felt the slight acid burn of an empty stomach; he realized in all the excitement he hadn't eaten anything. He parked on a curb across the street from the local diner. He walked in, pacing a few steps and taking a seat in the corner but by the front bay window. Taking a look around, it was the type of greasy spoon restaurant you would come to expect in a small town, though the term itself would mean cheaply run and that was clearly not the case.

The restaurant quite clean and stylized out of a 1950's or 60's design, brushed steel and solid wood countertops, none of the particle board nonsense.

'Well it has its charm' Kaiden thought to himself.

Open the menu spying a few items, any of which would be satisfactory to the young fox. Lost in his thoughts of consideration for lunch, his awareness of the room dulled into a passive existence, but a small excerpt of conversation broke through his shell and rang into his brain in the clear.

"Hey 'Lils', table twelve is up" said the Pig chef, ringing the bell with his hoof.

"Got it Frank." Replied a small but firm voice that rang familiar.

Kaiden knocked out of his calm staring out the window, watching the world go by winced at this feeling, like a dagger in his mind, a simple swivel of his head, the momentary resolution of his eyes as they brought the subject of his reaction into focus.

All of this happening in a fraction of a second, yet seemingly taking an eternity, the image resolved, and the resulting realization sent a shockwave of terror and comfort through the fox's nervous system. The voice belonged to a young rabbit, fur as white as the driven snow, eyes the color of radiant lapis.

It was her.

The focus of his dreams, the fire that had kept him alive, there she was as plain as day. No longer the small ball of white fur and cute proportions, she had grown into beautiful female rabbit, her curves, the mere shape of her, she had grown up.

He watched as her leg and arm muscles flexed as she reached up to grab the plates of food from the window, placing them on her serving tray. She seemed fine, normal, living her life. I plain and normal life, and what was he, some ghost from her past coming out of the shadows to haunt her? No. worse than that, a shade of a memory made monstrous that slide its way back here believing it could be normal, that it could be simple and plain.

'How dare you.' His own voice murmured at him in the recesses of his mind.

'For someone you supposedly care about and yet you would bring yourself and all that it entailed upon her.' He chastised himself

'But I had to see her.' He answered.

'No, you want more. To touch her, to hold her, but more than anything just to tell her, that you are alive and what you have been up to.'

'Why not?'

'Do you think she wants to know, that she wishes to know that such horrible things exist? Who are you to shatter her illusions? Who are you to steal away from her the quiet belief that the world is fair and that there aren't monsters in the shadows?'

'Who are you to bring her into that world?'

'I'm someone she cares about.' He answered

'Wrong, you someone she did care about, all she remembers is a small and innocent boy who was willing to bloody his nose for her. But that was then, this is now.'

'I still am.'

'No, you're not. You haven't been that in quite some time. You're a shade, a ghost, a devil and a demon.'

'You're a monster. You know what you've done, the lives you've destroyed, the people whose fates have been worse than death, and it was caused by you, don't try to pretend now to be anything but what you are.'

'And more so, don't visit that upon her.' Said the voice

Kaiden came to the horrible realization, that the voice was right. Regardless of how her life turned out, he had no right to come in years later and mess with that, to destroy her world and view of the world with what he was and all that trailed in his path.

Kaiden pulled the menu closer obscuring his face; he took a keen awareness of his position and the location of the door.

'Thirty feet to the door, she hasn't seen you yet, in fact she's busy, too busy. She might not even see you at all. All you have to do is just nonchalant make it to the door and walk out. Then she'd be safe.'

'The trick is timing, wait until she has her back to you, or is talking with customers, anything and otherwise engrossed in something. She'll never notice. Timing, that's all it'll take.' He thought.

Still hiding behind his menu, the fox could hear he heart beating in his chest. The plan simple, the execution required perfect timing, of all the times people probably have come and gone, yet the thirty feet to the door seemed to Kaiden like the prospect of crossing a gorge or chasm.

The hilarity of it would be something he could appreciate if he wasn't in it, perhaps later he will laugh to himself about this. He peered from behind his menu, in the few seconds in his own thoughts she must have delivered the food to the patrons, because the tray was empty and she was bussing a nearby table, collecting her tip money. As she was cleaning the table with a cloth, she must have felt the fox's gaze because she looked up, Kaiden his behind his menu before he made eye contact.

'Dammit Lily, don't notice me, don't see me, you'll be better off.'

A couple of customers came in the door, a pair of rabbits, just like the rest of the town.

"Welcome to Frankie's." said a soft rabbit voice.

Kaiden could tell even without seeing it had to be Lily's, he waited a couple more seconds and then peeked again. Perfect, she was about to lead them to a table, this was his opportunity. She would turn to walk back, and he could slip out the door sight unseen.

After a few words with the customers, she did as expected; she turned, walking them back. In a smooth motion Kaiden quietly folded and placed the menu on the table, keeping his gaze locked on Lily, and sliding up from the chair, pacing a few steps, everything going according to plan.

Twenty feet to the door, a simple plan, with few steps, just walk out a door, no simpler a plan could be thought up nor asked. After years of dealing with covert operations, coordinated assaults and dealing with terrorists. Yet this very moment seem to send a type of fear up the fox's spine that paled in comparison amazingly enough. Truth was it was because it wasn't his life that would be affected by a success or failure, it was someone else's. Someone who he felt for, the first person who he felt give a damn about him. The least he could do is not bring her anymore grief then she already and otherwise had dealt with

Ten feet to the door, so close now, Kaiden could taste it, his goal right there in front of him, all he had to do was finish it, time and his legs seem to move like thick molasses, it was a truly interesting feeling, the adrenaline giving him a heightened sense of things, namely the sheer uncomfortableness of the whole endeavor.

Five feet to the door, even closer now, the rays of the sunlight peering through the door, Kaiden could see the sun reflecting off the store windows across the street, a fortunate coincidence, success within his grasp.

Kaiden felt his paw reached the cross bar of the diner door, it's cool aluminum texture, never has such a thing been more comforting, all he had to do now was push the door open, and walk out, and Lily would be safe. There was a part of him that still wanted to see her, to talk to her, but the truth is, and as sad as it was, it was better this way. She'd live a long and healthy life as long as he stayed away.

Who knows, perhaps she has already forgotten. Kaiden was predicating his entire reaction on the fact that she would instantly recognize him. This new thought crossed his mind, perhaps this was all unnecessary and perhaps she had already put him out of her memory, like a long forgotten child's toy.

In either case, it was moot point, he was at the door, he was leaving anyway, he pondered as he pushed through the door and walked across its threshold.

The loud bell attached to the door rang out, grabbing attention as its designers created it to do, Kaiden had been so lost in his thoughts and he unconsciously dismissed the sound when the farmers came in.

He unconsciously craned his head back, and happened to catch her gaze.

'God damn bell.' He thought.

The rabbit saw him; his fur back lit from the sun's reflected rays illuminating the edges of him. At first a sense of disturbance, a squint, than a head tilt as the distant was called from the recesses of her mind. She blinked in that fraction of an instant. Kaiden saw the sense of recall as her eyes widened.

'No Lily, don't remember me, don't see me, just leave me buried and forgotten.' He pleaded in his mind.

He turned back forward, he needed to get to the truck. Pacing quickly, he almost didn't hear her.

"S'cuse me, do I know you?"

He ignored her, though it was getting hard to do so, the proverbial feline was out of the proverbial bag, he paced several more steps for good measure and stopped, staring down. The bunny managed to catch up to him and come around in front of him, looking into his face and looking him over.

"K….Kaiden?" she asked, a feeling of hope in her voice.

He took a breath to speak but couldn't utter a sound, instead he just softly nodded as a small smile pursed across his lips.

"Oh my god…..Kaiden!" she exclaimed as he reached forward and hugged him, squeezing him, she rocked to and fro on her paws, leaning the fox in a swaying motion.

After a few moments, that old feeling returned, and Kaiden hugged her back. He held her tightly. Embracing for several minutes, he caught her scent, still smelling of Lily Blossoms even after all this time.

A few hours later…

Kaiden waited for Lily to finish her shift, at first she wanted to drop everything but Kaiden insisted, he didn't want to disrupt her routine. It also gave him time to think of what to say, what should he say? In the end though, he decided the truth, he was always truthful to her and wasn't going to start lying to her now.

After she finished and was released for the night by her boss, she stood outside of the diner, paced over to Kaiden sitting on a bench.

"Hey." She said calmly.

"Hey." He replied back.

She reached out a paw and stroked him gently on the head, sitting down next to him. They sat in silence for a while trying to figure out what to say, how to start. After a few failed starts and attempts to start a sentence, Kaiden finally spoke.

"I want to thank you." He offered.

Lily quirked her head in puzzlement.

"When I was going through what they put me though, I thought of you."

"Sometimes at night, I would look up at the moon and think 'maybe you were looking up too.'"

"Pretty silly huh?" he tried to pass some semblance of smile, though his expression betrayed his inner pain.

He turned his head towards her and saw her eyes watering, it was then he realized his were too. She didn't say anything, just leaning forward and embracing him, sobbing into his shoulder. He held her tight, rubbing her back with his paw, a few hot tears rolling down his own cheek.

"I…missed you." She spoke, muffled by Kaiden's fur and her occasional sniffle.

"I know, I know. I missed you too Lily, my god, I missed you too." He replied back rocking the bunny ever so calmly in his arms.

She petted at the fur on his neck and back, her fingers encountering line shaped voids in spots, she didn't need to even see them to know they were scars. Deep penetrating injuries were the skin never healed correctly, leaving bald spots in the lines of them.

"They hurt you bad." She said as statement and not a question.

"Yeah….yeah they did." He replied.

"I'm so sorry…"

"There wasn't anything you could have done, we we're children, small children."

She rose her head and nuzzled his cheek.

"I want you to tell me everything."

"Lily…no, it's too horrible."

"Kaiden, please. I want you to tell me, I want to know everything." She said finally working up the nerve to look him in the eyes.

He stared into those blue pools, just as beautiful as he remembered, her fur just as snow colored as ever. He knew he couldn't say 'No' to her, and as much as he didn't want to admit it, part of him needed to tell someone as guilty as it made him feel.

"All you have to do is use that look." he smiled sincerely.

"Don't blame me for knowing you so well." She smiled back.

The two shared a laugh and just like that the years strangely seemed to be melting away, sharing the same comfortable times they always had.

"Tell me what happened to you?" Kaiden asked.

She took a hard swallow and looked down for a second.

"What do you know?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" he replied.

"Well I mean, if you've been in town a while, I know people are still talking about it."

"I want you to tell me." he replied with a concerned expression

She took a deep breath as if trying to sum up the strength.

"After you 'left' Mom and Dad had another kit, I'll introduce you, her name is Katelynn, Katie for short, she's seven almost eight, real cute kid." Lily smiled.

"Life was good, well I mean things were stable, you know. But I uh….I never let a day pass I didn't think of you, even until you walked through that door, I still would think of you." She explained.

"My parents told me to not think about it, that whatever happened happened and there wasn't anything anybody could do. I think mainly they just didn't want me to do anything rash."

Kaiden returned a gaze of his own, he knew she was dancing around his question, which meant whatever it is, was serious. But he was willing to let her get to it on her own time. She must have seen this, because she stammered a few times as she got lost in his eyes.

"Right…..Luke." she blinked

"A couple of years ago, got it seems like ages now, Luke got into a really bad accident with the tractor, like really bad."

"Luke's not…." Kaiden begun to say, reluctant to finish the question.

"Oh…no, oh god no, No he's alive, thank god." She quickly stammered.

"It's just that the accident left him unable to walk afterwards, so Dad did the only thing he could, he talked to every doctor in town, he went to Zootopia and talked to every doctor there, yeah, Daddy went to Zootopia, you know how he always said he would never go there." She nervously smiled.

"Well, dad found a doctor who was willing to try and fix Luke's back, and he took the case, it was a very expensive surgery, dad had to…" she choked on the last bit of her sentence.

"It's ok, Lily." Kaiden comforted.

"No, I asked that we share, so I should live up to my end."

Lily cleared her throat trying to keep herself from crying again.

"Dad had to spend practically every dime we had to pay for it. We had to sell the farm, and all the savings…and…. Um…" she choked up again.

"My college fund." She winced.

"Oh my god." Kaiden replied.

Lily took a deep breath and settles herself down again, Kaiden rubbing her paw with his.

"I'm just glad Luke is ok, I know it was a sacrifice but we have to do what we can for family. Right?" she smiled softly.

"Of course." He replied

"That includes you, you know." She added

"You're sure?" he raised an eyebrow

Of course, and always" she answered almost incredulously..

"It's not all bad; I'm going to community college."

"So it's not ZU. At least it's something." She smiled.

Kaiden could tell she was trying to be the "brave soldier" routine, he'd seen it enough times, especially in his reflection.

"Would you care to walk me home?" she asked

"I can drive you." He replied with a smile, presenting the keys in his paw.

"My hero." She quipped with a smile.

15 minutes later at Lily's house…

Kaiden pulled up to a house in one of the neighborhoods that was on the west side of town, it was much smaller than the farmhouse they lived in, in fact for a family of five it would be considered a tad cramped but at least it wasn't run down.

Lily looked at the fox with a smirk, no matter how many times he saw them, those eyes always captured him.

"Wanna come inside? Everyone would love to see that you're alright." Ash asked thumbing her paw at the house.

"Would you like me to?" he inquired back.

"What's the matter Kaiden? Don't you want to see my family?"

"I do! I do, I just….wonder if I should." He commented.

"The truth is Lily, I'm was involved in some serious stuff, technically still involved. It' all has to do with what I need to tell you. "

"Part of me is worried that once I tell you, you won't want to even…."

"…Don't even finish that sentence, fox." Lily interrupted sternly.

The fact she called him 'Fox' took him by surprise.

"I don't care what you did; it's not going to change how I feel."

"You say that now."

"Yeah, I do, because I mean it. Look I can't imagine what they put you through, and I'm guessing it's pretty bad. But I know you, and I know you survived which means you likely had to do some damn unpleasant things to make it."

She reach over and rubbed his jaw just under his ear, which made it twitch, she remembered.

"I know you are a good mammal, and if I have to say it over and over again I will."

"Now I've worked all day, my feet hurt and I'm hungry. Ironic I know considering I work in a diner. Now I want you to come in and see the family and have dinner with us. I'm not going to force you, but I want you to. But it's up to you." Lily explained as she opened the door and stepped out.

The door made a loud 'thunk' as it closed shut; she perched against the open window sill.

"Please come inside." She asked sweetly.

Kaiden stared ahead for a moment considered his options of a world of possibilities he seemed to be limited to two; A, start the truck and drive away, presumably forever, an option that he neither wanted nor felt would help the situation at this point or B, get out of the truck and go with Lily. Either choice resulted in an unforeseeable, unknown future. He gripped the keys in the ignition, hesitating for a moment as to which way to twist. Literally the key to his future lay in his paw. He turned and looked at her blue eyes and smiled softly.

Twisting the keys backward he unlocked them from the ignition and pulled them out, opening the door while still looking at her. She smiled happily. Getting out and closing the door behind him, he came around the truck and met up with her, wrapping an arm around her, and she wrapped an arm around him.

"Ya know, I never did get lunch." He slyly commented.

"I'll make it up to you with a big plate, how's that?" she said with a reassuring smile.

"Sounds like a plan." He smiled back.

"How's it feel to be home again?" she asked.

"It feels…wonderful." He replied.