On Punching Gods and Absentee Dads
Enigmaris
Chapter 4: Mother's Bracelets
Summary:
Loki's side of the story is finally revealed with the help of some tricky jewelry but is it the whole truth?
Notes:
Hey everyone! Thanks for the great comments for the last update. I enjoyed talking with a bunch of you, you had some great ideas and scenes to share! I hope this update lives up to your expectations.
Chapter Text
"UNCLE?"
Thor's voice boomed down the empty street. Loki didn't react, the man had one hand outreached trying to grab at the air where his son used to be. His son. Oh Odin, his son was alive. His beautiful baby boy. The light of his universe. The thing that made life worth living. The reason he'd gotten up in the morning, and the reason he'd gone to bed. His everything. His child. The child he thought lost to death, along with his beloved wife.
He stood there, trying to will the boy back into the street, so he could pull him into a hug and never let go.
"Loki." Thor said. "What was that human talking about?"
Loki kept staring blankly ahead. His son was alive. But that meant…he'd been alone. Loki had left his precious star alone on this planet, he'd grown up without his father to guide him. His face twisted painfully at the thought. No wonder his son had punched him. Loki rather deserved it.
"Loki!" Thor grabbed Loki by the shoulders and shook him.
"What are you doing?"
"A human just called me uncle. I think I'm allowed to panic."
"He isn't a human." Loki denied. "Well he is half."
Thor made a choking sound as the implication hit him full in the face.
"Reindeer games, are you telling me you got freaky with a human? Did the horizontal monster mash? That kid didn't look older than 18." Tony asked.
Thor made another pained noise.
"Your trip to Alfheim! You were gone for decades!"
"Alfheim, Midgard. What's the difference really?"
"EVERYTHING!" Thor yelled. "Alfheim is the magical capital of the nine realms. You told father you were going there to study magic. What were you doing instead? Pranking humans?"
"Well sometimes." Loki admitted before lifting up two hands. "In my defense, I did also study magic."
"Because that makes this so much better! Don't you know what you've done? A demi-god hasn't been born in centuries!"
"Okay." Steve said. "What's a demi-god and why is Thor freaking out about it?"
"A demi-god is a child that's born with one parent from this planet and one parent who is a god." Loki defined, as if Steve was an idiot for asking.
"Demi-gods." Thor said, his voice growling. "Are either extreme forces for good or bringers of destruction. Mixing humans and gods somehow produces a child that is more powerful than both parents combined. If a demi-god decides to be a hero then no evil can defeat them but if they decided to go rogue? Nothing can stop them."
Thor sent a glare at Loki that Loki ignored. Nothing could destroy his buoyant mood. His son was alive!
"So, Loki's kid is going to be the ultimate evil?" Natasha asked, her voice questioning.
That snapped Loki out his giddiness almost immediately.
"You all are forgetting that he just saved our lives and he did it wielding that!" Loki said dramatically gesturing at Mjolnir. "Don't you dare speak poorly of my son. You will regret it."
"Did he or did he not just break your nose?" Tony asked.
"Oh, he did." Loki said. "And from his perspective I certainly deserved it."
Thor pinched the bridge of his nose for a moment, a move that was so similar to their mother, enough that Loki almost felt like apologizing.
"Could you please, for once in your life, give me a clear explanation?"
Loki considered that, and he thought about the hurt in his son's voice. He was going to need help if he was going to bridge the gap.
"I suppose since I'm in such a good mood I'll tell you the truth." Loki decided. "but first we should imprison Amora."
"As agreed." Thor said. "I'll take her back to Asgard. Our cells will be able to hold her."
Loki frowned for a moment, thoughtful.
"Thor don't tell anyone there about my son. Please. You know the…prejudice against people like him." Loki said. "He can lift Mjolnir we know he's a good child. I've always known it but you can't deny that."
Thor looked at him for a moment before nodding in agreement.
"I want the full story." He said. "Nothing left out just because you want to be tricky."
"Deal. You'll get every nitty gritty detail. You can even borrow one of those bracelets from mother if you're so concerned about the truth."
Thor's eyes widened at that, but the fact was that there was nothing shameful about his life as James Potter. There were things he regretted, things he had cursed himself over, but that had been perhaps the happiest time of his life. If Thor required honesty, then Loki was going to ensure he had it. Anything for his son.
"Very well." Thor said. "I'll be back soon."
"What bracelets are you talking about?" Steve asked.
"Mother's specially enchanted bracelets ensure the wearer must tell the complete truth. While wearing them I couldn't even say things that are technically true but deliberately misleading."
"Why aren't we forcing Loki to wear those all the time?" Tony joked.
"Diplomatic issues mostly. Mother tried having politicians wear them and it didn't end well." Thor admitted. "I told one of the visiting noblewomen that I thought she has a horse-face."
"In your defense her face was very horse like." Loki recalled with a grimace.
"Right so no brain to mouth filter, got it."
"Do be careful about what you ask me." Loki told them. "I'll be obliged to tell you in excruciatingly honest detail."
Thor grimaced, he was doing that a lot lately, as he moved towards Amora, who was still knocked out cold. He picked her up and slung her body over his shoulder, almost carelessly. Loki smirked at the fear in Thor's eyes. His brother would learn not to ask for the truth from him. They all told Thor goodbye as he lifted his hammer up to call for the Bifrost. Once all that was left was burnt runes in the street, Loki turned back to the tower.
"You know Stark. I'll make you a deal."
"What?"
"I fix your tower by the time Thor gets back if you use your skills to destroy all the footage of my son's actions today."
"What? Why?"
"Do you not think a small child deserves some privacy and the right not to be chased down by SHIELD like a criminal?"
The man rolled his eyes but agreed, before swearing that it wouldn't happen if his tower didn't look brand new. Loki rolled his eyes. Brand new his ass.
"Just watch this."
Thirty minutes later Loki was sitting inside the penthouse of a perfectly intact tower with a now healed nose. He was drinking pumpkin juice, he had some stored somewhere and he felt like it was appropriate. Stark was staring stupidly at the newly repaired walls, touching them to make sure they weren't illusions. Loki was amused by the stupefaction, but it was getting a little old.
"Don't you have something to be doing Stark?"
"How did you do this?"
"Magic obviously."
"But I thought magic was just a fighting technique!" The man whined.
"In Asgard that's certainly true. Part of the reason I wasn't wanted around was because I dared to use magic for something more than killing people."
"Like pranks." Clint added.
"Well yes." Loki said. "To be honest I wouldn't have done so many of them if they weren't so very funny. Now, please would you mind fulfilling your end of the deal."
"Why the hell haven't you done this before?"
"Never do something for nothing."
Tony made a very upset noise but did finally get started on clearing away any incriminating footage. By the time Thor returned, golden bracelets of truth in hand, Tony was nearly done. Thor looked around at the completely fixed tower and then gave Loki a surprised look.
"Have you finally decided to be a good team member, Loki?"
"The very idea is making me break out into hives."
"You know father won't end your punishment until you've proven that you regret what you did and that you love humanity for what it is."
"No proof I could give Odin will mean anything." Loki said airily.
"Are you really going to put those on?" Natasha asked. "We could ask you anything."
"You could." Loki allowed, thinking about the various uncomfortable topics they could interrogate him on. "But you'll also get answers on anything you ask."
That warning made her nod after a moment. Loki might have been the god of lies but that also meant he was the god of truth. One had to know the truth completely in order to lie as well as he did. Thor told them that Amora was locked up tightly and awaiting trial. Loki knew she'd probably escape but he hardy cared what she did as long as she didn't bother him or his son. Everyone gathered on the couches in what Loki was beginning to consider the story time circle. Thor held out the bracelets with a slightly stunned look on his face.
"Before I put these on." Loki said. "I'd suggest you let me tell my story with as few interruptions as you can manage. If you ask me a question I'll have to answer it completely. We'll be here for the next thousand years if you interrupt as often as you normally do. Can you do that?"
"I'll keep Tony quiet." Bruce promised.
The man had been knocked out almost immediately when Amora arrived, before he could even transform. He'd recovered by the time Harry had finished defeating Amora, punched Loki and disappeared. Tony made a betrayed noise, but Loki only snorted and then snapped the bracelets onto his bare wrists. He immediately felt the magic flooding his mind. He waited for a few moments before beginning.
"It started out as a trip to Alfheim, this would have been about 40 years ago. I'd convinced father it would be better for everyone if I left for a time to study magic somewhere else." Loki told them. "The first few years I really was in Alfheim studying, but I got bored. I heard a rumor that some of the light elves were sensing magic on Midgard but couldn't find any magic users to explain the surges."
"There are human magic users?" Tony demanded before Bruce was able to slap his hand over his mouth.
"Licking on my hand won't make me move it Tony."
"Yes, there are millions of human magic users." Loki answered, glaring at Tony for asking a question he was literally about to answer. "They're all over the world, they've always been there from the beginning. Your ignorance on the subject is due to the fact that 400 years ago nonmagical humans began hunting magic users, primarily children who couldn't defend themselves. The witches and wizards at the time decided to protect themselves and future generations. They used powerful magic to rip the knowledge of their existence out of everyone's minds, in all the realms, and even more magic to hide their cities, towns, and homes. They've lived in complete secrecy on this planet ever since. If anyone who isn't magical, or directly related to someone magical, finds out about this world their memories are erased through magic. Magic users have their own governments and cultures. Everything is based on magic and anyone without isn't allowed."
"Holy fuck." Stark interrupted again.
"Language." Steve chastised.
"It's a 400 year old secret society and you're telling me to watch my language?"
"What about us?" Clint asked. "Are our minds going to get erased?"
"As long as you pretend not to know, then no one will bother you." Loki answered. "I could possibly fill out the proper government forms to gain you access but that would take time. In that time, you'd need to keep your lips zipped."
"Why would you be able to fill out forms? You're not a citizen." Natasha asked.
Loki groaned at their complete incapability to not ask questions.
"I was a citizen for 22 years, I was born as James Charlus Potter 38 years ago. I lived solely as James for 22 years. I had parents, friends, a job, a family, a human education. I lived in Britain during that time which is why my All-Speak is accented in the way that it is compared to Thor's. Now would you idiot humans please let me tell you this in order? I will use magic to silence you if I have to."
They agreed again to being quiet and Loki sighed and continued. He told them about traveling to earth to discover why there was magic but no magic users. He literally stumbled upon the magical world and was metaphorically enchanted. Everything there was magical. It was chaotic and unpredictable. Humans so entrenched in magic that they couldn't imagine a life without it. It was everything Loki had ever wanted, this was what paradise was.
It didn't take Loki long at all to decide he had to join this world. Alfheim and Asgard could go hang themselves.
"Brother." Thor said. "That's not very kind."
"And yet it's true. Asgard can go hang itself."
Thor rolled his eyes but didn't argue the point further. Loki smirked. The story moved on. He decided to take on a human form and as he planned it out soon stumbled upon a magical couple who wanted a child but couldn't have one. Loki decided to answer their prayers. He told them about his plan to become human, to learn what it was to be fully immersed in magic.
"So, you actually wanted to be human?" Steve asked. "What happened to us being ants?"
Loki glared at him.
"Humans aren't ants." Loki answered. "Your lives are more like fireflies. So very very short compared to my own but bright and vibrant in a way I can't often compete with. Humanity experiences the full gambit of existence in a way that is so visceral and true that I cannot help but feel nothing but awe when I consider it. It is true that you often lack foresight, you are quick to anger and capable of true atrocities. Evil lives in your hearts just as much as goodness does. Humanity is greedy and cruel, selfish and violent. But it is also kind and loving. I learnt more from my time being a human than I did as my entire centuries as a god. In my time as James Potter I experienced love, loyalty and joy that is incomparable to my time as Loki."
All of the humans were looking at him with some sort of awe or perhaps even disbelief. Loki wanted to stop speaking he wanted to pull the words back but it was too late. They'd already been said.
"But it was during that time that I also experienced pain, regret, and rage unlike any other. Humanity taught me what it was to truly hate, to loathe with every fiber of my being. It was here that I learnt to despise humanity and everything that you are. Because for everyone one purely good person you produce, you also create thousands of evil little rats who try to extinguish everything good in your world." Loki continued his voice becoming absolutely scathing. "Even now you humans prove your cruelty. After explaining to you clearly that this would be difficult enough you purposefully ask questions. Not to gain knowledge but to see me suffer. Even the so-called greatest heroes of earth feel pleasure at seeing me talk about my own suffering. You haven't even asked questions to learn, no it is only for your own short-sighted pointless amusement. You will comfort yourselves, justifying what you're doing by saying that I was the one who invaded your planet. But it doesn't justify this. It never will. Nothing can justify joy at another's suffering."
"Stop." Thor ordered, finally silencing Loki's tirade. "Loki. Did you invade Midgard for revenge against the pain you felt as James Potter?"
"No." Loki said.
"Was it to gain revenge against me or father?"
"It wasn't about revenge!" Loki shouted. "It had nothing to do with me!"
He stood up, the words poured out of his mouth.
"I am a 2000 year old master strategist! I have won hundreds of battles for Asgard with nothing but my cunning! And yet! When given the opportunity to invade an entire planet with a near infinite army what do I do? I actively alert the only people who could stop me, blatantly revealed my plans and allowed Selvig to put in an off switch to the portal! Then to top off this brilliant fucking plan I purposefully bottlenecked my military force to the point that 6 individuals could hold them off! What a genius plan! Truly my greatest work yet!"
The others looked shocked but now that it was out, Loki was going to let them know.
"I tried to kill myself when I let go of Odin's spear." Loki told Thor. "I wanted to die. Everything in my mind at that point was begging for an end to it all. Jokes on me though because I didn't die as I fell through the void of space, instead I was found."
Loki ran a hand through his carefully styled hair, messing it up like he used to do as James all the time. The hair started to stand up in a mess. The longer he talked freely, the more like James he began to act. Free with his movements and looser.
"I mean fuck Thor." Loki said, his voice twisting. "What do you even think happened to me? You've never asked. I was found by a monster. The Mad Titan. He wants to destroy half of all life in the universe in some idiotic demented plan for balance. He travels now from planet to distant planet committing genocide! He halves the population at random and makes one half watch while he drenches the other half in their own blood."
No one interrupted him now as he started to pace rapidly and talk with his hands. It was the same way he'd describe the newest quidditch maneuver to his team.
"Thanos needs the tesseract if he was going to complete his goal. Going from planet to planet isn't efficient, he needed more fire power, he needed the ability to destroy all life with a snap of his fingers. The tesseract was a part of that. I knew what destruction he could cause with them. Despite what you may think I am a god of chaos not destruction, not death. This wasn't what I wanted."
Loki flipped around, he knew he must have looked like a madman but he couldn't stop, the bracelets made him, compelled him.
"Thanos wanted the tesseract. He knew I could get it for him. I could travel the energy pathways of the universe from his home to earth. I knew earth intimately. I had lived there for 22 years! I could get the tesseract quicker and faster than any of his loyal servants. He told me to get it for him or suffer. I told him to fuck off. He tortured me. I told him to fuck off harder. I wasn't going to decimate the planet where I spent the best years of my life! The planet my wife lived on! Even if it was the planet my wife was brutally murdered on."
Someone, probably Thor, made a chocking noise but Loki paid them no mind.
"Ever since my wife's murder I've felt so much rage. Thanos saw that rage, rage at humanity, at this planet for taking away the most perfect woman in the universe." Loki said. "All these years I thought that the man who'd murdered my wife had destroyed my son too. I hated this world so much for taking my family from me. Thanos saw that rage, he saw that thirst for vengeance. He promised me revenge. I told him to choke. Then he…he used that scepter. He didn't put me under mind control, no I know how to throw that off. He did something much worse. He made me forget. He made me forget my wife and child. He made me forget my friends, my human loved ones. He only left the pain and rage behind. Then he gave me that scepter and an army and told me to go. Get my revenge and bring him the tesseract."
Loki finally turned back. Thor looked absolutely devastated and horrified. The rest of the humans were in a similar state. Loki scoffed and continued.
"Remember Thor, when you first met with these humans and they called me crazy? What was it you said? Oh right 'his mind is far afield.' That's what it was. Then what did you do after that? Did you decide to investigate? Figure out why I was attacking a planet in a way that was so different to my normal patterns? Or did you decide that obviously the only reason I do anything is because of you."
Loki growled and continued. His pacing was getting more erratic. He stepped up onto the armchair he had been sitting and then down on the other side.
"Nothing made sense once I got to earth. I knew I wanted revenge but why? What had the humans done to me? Why was I serving Thanos? Was I serving Thanos? Whose side was I on? If I was on Thanos' side, then I didn't want to fail but what if I wasn't? Why didn't anything make sense? I stalled, I tricked, I waited trying, to make sense of anything. I made the plan as porous as I dared. Something told me the invasion was wrong, but I still wanted the world to burn. Rage pushed me past the quiet voice in my mind that begged me to stop." Loki admitted. "It wasn't until Banner threw me into the floor multiple times that I remembered. The voice in my head was my wife and I had ignored her. I failed to protect her world, the world she loved so much."
"Why didn't you tell us after you got sent here for your punishment?" Steve asked.
"I never admit to failure. Doesn't look good for the image. Besides what would it have changed? I wasn't mind controlled like Barton. I did all that I did under my own will." Loki said. "I chose to invade the earth. I chose to kill those people. It was my fault! I didn't listen to my instincts. I knew something was wrong, but I let my rage control me anyway. The truth does nothing but make you pity me. I hate pity."
"Were you ever going to mention this Mad Titan?" Natasha asked.
"I suppose once he got here, I'd have told you yes. He will come here for the tesseract eventually after all."
"He's coming here?"
"Almost certainly."
"Putting that aside for later." Steve said. "Loki would you please finish telling us about your son? Then we can get those bracelets off of you. You mentioned you thought he was dead?"
Loki nodded and finally retook his seat. The Avengers had finally decided to stop interrupting him. So, Loki was able to finish the entire thing. Starting from being reborn in a human body, this was done by injecting his soul into an empty fetus while storing his real body in Alfheim. That way if Heimdall looked for him he'd see Loki's body in Alfheim, not on Midgard. Loki had placed spells on his soul that would hide his previous memories of being Loki up until he was an adult human, that way he could truly immerse himself.
He continued telling them about his three best friends and the group of troublemakers they formed in magic school. He spoke fondly of his human parents. He even mentioned his bitter childhood rivalry with Severus Snape. Eventually he got to Lily, the girl who had stolen his heart at first glance. He monologued for a good five minutes about her numerous qualities, her beauty, her poise, her laugh, her eyes, her kindness, her compassion, her empathy, her temper, the way she always smelt like roses and white chocolate. He would have continued if Tony hadn't pulled him back on track with a joke and another question.
He spoke of growing up, finally becoming mature enough to be worthy of Lily's friendship and eventually romantic affection. He told them about Hogwarts and learning magic and mischief. He painted the perfect picture of his life. Then he painted the down turn. He told them of the war, of Voldemort's plan. He told them that he wouldn't say the name unless they forced him because it was jinxed, any still living followers of the man would be alerted to their location if he said it out loud. Thankfully they didn't ask.
He described in great detail the atrocities Voldemort and his Death Eaters committed. The homes burned, the children murdered, the women raped. Voldemort and his forces had a 50 year stranglehold on the magical world. His voice broke when he told them that his parents, who had always stood up against him, were murdered for it when he was 17. By the time he graduated Loki, his friends and Lily had all signed up to fight against him.
He told them about fighting a guerilla war for the next five years. His childhood stolen away both by the returning memories of being a god but also the war that filled his every waking moment. With the added knowledge of being Loki, his disgust and anger at Voldemort grew. How dare this man attempt to destroy what was possibly the most perfect place in all the nine realms?
The story continued with his wedding, done in secret with only a few people attending. He nearly cried when he mentioned his promise to Lily to give her a spectacle when it was all over. Then he got to the baby, his lovely, perfect Harry. They went into hiding before he was born, desperate to protect their son. Loki's use of his increased magical power and knowledge and Lily's own skill had made them targets. Dumbledore had advised them to go into hiding and so they did.
The story ended with the Halloween night that destroyed everything. Voldemort finding them somehow.
"I died first. I tried to get my wife and son to safety. Tried my best. But truly, by my own design, I was only human." Loki said, looking hard at the wall. "When he hit me with the killing curse my soul left my human body and fled straight back to this one, still waiting in stasis. I woke up in Alfheim and I hurried as fast as I could home, praying to the norns, to Odin, to anyone that my wife was able to hold You-Know-Who off long enough for me to get back. But I failed."
"What happened?" Thor asked, his voice heavy with grief. The sky outside was gray and dark, thunder rumbled in the distance. Loki swallowed and began to describe the destroyed home. The cottage he'd built himself just for his family, now just a husk almost beyond recognition. His own dead body on the stairs, Lily's still corpse inside a destroyed nursery. A devastatingly empty crib. The smell of the killing curse ripe in the air.
"I searched for days on my own trying to find my son, trying to find my friends. But I couldn't. Finally, I went to Albus, my leader, the man I had followed to the end and I begged him to tell me. He had to know where my son was. I wanted to take Harry home to Asgard, mourn in peace there with what family I had left." Loki said. "Albus told me that my friends had been killed by You-Know-Who, that he'd done it before going to my home. He told me that Lily had managed to destroy You-Know-Who but at the cost of her life and our son's life. Everything was gone."
Loki felt weak, empty, thinking about those horrible days.
"Shit." Tony said. "From Harry's perspective, once he figured out you were his dad and alive, you abandoned him. No wonder he punched you on sight."
"Seeing him alive is the greatest gift I've ever been given. I don't know how but I'm too afraid to question it." Loki admitted. "I'm going to find him and tell him the truth, gain his forgiveness in any way I can. If I can't get it, then I'll protect him from afar. I'm not going to fail him ever again."
And that was that. Loki looked at all of them and quickly popped the truth bracelets off. Immediately he felt more like himself, with the magic messing with his mind gone.
"It's late and story time with Loki is over."
"Wait." Tony said. "How are you going to find your son? Last time you tried magic and it didn't work. What if whatever's hiding him is still there?"
Loki didn't want to consider that. He frowned for a moment. What had kept him from magically finding Harry the first time? Who had hidden him away?
"I'm sure I'll be able to find him."
"Let me help. I already have his face from about a thousand different angles thanks to Jarvis' cleaning. If he walks in front of a security camera, I can find him."
"That would be appreciated." Loki said after a moment. "Thank you."
"Hey, I just want to know if he's going to punch you again. You all saw that punch, right? It was perfect."
Suddenly the tension broke, half of the humans started to laugh. Loki grinned and rubbed the ridge of his nose to chase away phantom pains. It had been a spectacular punch. Once the laughter died down Loki spoke again, thoughtfully.
"I might actually need your help Thor, for something else. I really doubt my son is going to want to talk to me."
"Then what do you need me for?" Thor asked.
"He called you uncle, didn't he?"