On Punching Gods and Absentee Dads
Enigmaris
Chapter 15: The One Thing Harry Learned From Sirius
Summary:
James and Sirius have a conversation about what to do when they get back to earth. When Odin and Harry finally show up from their private meeting, things get weird.
Notes:
Guess who's back on schedule??? That's right! It's me! The Grad Student who wrote this instead of the methodology section of her thesis! Lol jk.
Seriously though, thanks so much for the great comments last chapter. I was a little unsure about that one and the comments made me feel a lot better!
I'm thinking of moving my update day to Saturday. I haven't decided yet, what do you guys think? Is Wednesday still good?
Chapter Text
"James calm down." Sirius said for the 15th time in the last ten minutes.
"Calm down? Calm down!?! They've been in there for an eternity!"
"It's not even been an hour." Sirius argued. "Aren't you like a billion years old? This should be a piece of cake."
"I'm only a little over 2000."
"Oh well excuse me for mixing that up. Of course, 43 minutes of time is an eternity to someone who's only barely over 2000."
James shot Sirius a look, it was such a familiar one that Sirius had to ignore the pang in his heart. That was the look James always gave him when he teased him about Lily back when they were students. His best friend did so like blowing things out of proportion. He ignored the Remus in his head that reminded him that he did the exact same thing.
"You don't understand."
"Do you remember my mother? Trust me, I get it. The pup'll be fine, isn't that what Frigga said? I don't think she'd let Odin do anything too bad to him."
"Odin listens to no one. He's the king of the entire universe."
"I'm very convinced that his wife could kick his ass if she needed to." That actually made James laugh a little. Good. "Now come on, help me eat all this stuff. I've not really had the best meals in the past decade you know."
"Don't remind me." James begged. "I don't know how I could have let it…"
"Stop. This isn't your fault." Sirius said motioning to his less than stellar good looks. "I'll get better now that I'm out of Grimmauld Place."
"Why in Merlin's left tit did you go back there?"
"Dumbledore." That was the only word of explanation they needed really.
James looked very sour, now totally distracted from their current problem with another far stickier one. At least in Sirius' opinion. Odin looked like a few good kicks in between the legs was all he needed to get his head on straight. Dumbledore was far more problematic. Dumbledore ran the Order and they needed the Order if they stood half a chance at winning this damn war.
Sure potentially they could just kill the old bastard but Sirius saw two problems with that simple solution. First was that it would likely upset Harry. The kid had begged Sirius not to kill Peter, the very idea of murder went against most everything that kid believed in. Harry didn't deserve to be put through any more upset than the world had already thrust on him. The second problem was that Dumbledore knew things that no one in the Order did.
His secrets had secrets.
What if they killed him and with Dumbledore's death they lost that one key bit of information that Harry needed to win? The ass was always hoarding knowledge away, only dropping tidbits to key people once every decade so that they'd all be forced to keep listening to him blow farts out of his mouth.
"How loyal is the Order?" James asked. "Is it…like it was?"
"Most of the original members are dead or insane." Sirius admitted. "Of the original there's Shaklebolt, Mad-Eye, Me, Remus, Hagrid, Dumbledore, Molly, and Arthur. Oh and Snape of course but he hardly counts for anything."
"So few…"
"James. We've got some new blood too, besides we were always a small group. That's not what mattered."
"You're right. Of course you are." James said. "And…will they follow Dumbledore or…or me?"
"Honestly I don't think they should be following you."
"What?"
"James. I love you, you're my brother in everything but just trust me on this one. If you go in there and spill out every dirty thing Dumbledore's done then the Order will literally splinter apart."
"You can't possibly be suggesting that we let him continue?"
"Dementors made me depressed not stupid." James rolled his eyes at the quip and picked up a large golden goblet filled with honeyed mead. He took a sip of it and then looked at Sirius obviously expecting an idea. That was how they worked back in the day, one of them presenting a problem and being dramatic about it while the others in the group came up with something reasonable to do. "Like it or not, we need Dumbledore right now."
"I am a god I don't need…"
"James."
"Alright fine. So, the old goat might have information I don't."
"Exactly. The original order members are going to be mostly loyal to Dumbledore, he kept them afloat through the first war. Most people believe Dumbledore is the only thing old Voldy fears."
"Getting rid of Dumbledore will split loyalties."
"At least at first. I know if we told them the truth plenty of them would be enraged and refuse to work with the old man but we can't take the risk of splitting up our already diminished forces."
"So, we can't tell anyone? I just come back to the Order and spin a lie about not knowing that Harry was alive, leave his betrayal out of it?"
"It'll come out eventually of course." Sirius said calmly grabbing for his own goblet. He took a thoughtful sip before placing it back down, the heavy metal clinking against the table. "But I think the Marauders can plan something a bit better than just yelling it out like toddlers, right?"
A gleam, a comforting and wonderfully mischievous gleam, entered James' eyes. He leaned forward.
"Oh Padfoot. I hope you're going where I think you're going with this."
"I don't see why we can't play with it a little, is all." Sirius said a grin over taking his face that was far too devious to match with his calm tone. "Stretch it out. I mean, if you were to go back to the Order, all apologies and explanations, you'd be welcome back again. Especially if you brought along your wall of a muscle for a brother as extra firepower. Then you could explain Harry's heritage and of course, it'd only be natural that the kid will need training to control his strength and power."
"And, well I can't take him out of Hogwarts and away from Dumbledore's 'protection' can I?" James added on his voice manic. "So, I suppose I'll just have to go to school with him. As a teacher of course. Under cover as it were. No one but Harry and his friends will know the truth. To the school I'll just be a humble god of magic reconnecting with the magical world after a few centuries of absence."
"It only makes sense!" Sirius said wagging his finger dramatically. "Besides everyone knows that the defense position is cursed. It'll surely be open for you, even if Snape's been gunning for it for years."
"Has he really?" James asked his face a masterpiece of delight. "I hope he'll understand why I'll have to steal it from him, it's for the war effort you know."
"Of course, he will! He's such a graceful and giving fellow." Sirius did everything in his power not to laugh at that, James looked like he was facing a similar struggle.
"So…so I'll teach defense against the dark arts." He said stumbling a little as the laughter tried to break through from where it was trapped behind his teeth. "Which means I'll spend time with Dumbledore not reminding and threatening him at every turn about what he did and most certainly not making Snape's life a living hell for teaching Harry Occulmency the way he did."
"That's exactly what you'd do. You'll be far too busy pretending to be the nicest, most approachable man on the entire staff. Besides, I imagine that a certain You-Know-Who will send a message to his spy on the inside about trying to woo you to their side."
And finally. The very idea that Voldemort would make Snape try to befriend James, that idea made them both look once at each other and burst into laughter. It was absolutely ludicrous and Sirius found that he couldn't stop laughing. He visualized Snape's face as he tried to be nice to James, to act convincing enough for everyone to see that Snape wanted to be friends with him. Every time he even tried to picture that face more loud bellows escaped his throat.
James was going to be so delightfully wicked at Hogwarts. Filling Dumbledore with fear over a very powerful and very vengeful god while torturing anyone else who they felt had done Harry wrong over the years. Then once Dumbledore had finally shared everything they needed to know or Voldemort was dead as a doornail revenge could truly be theirs. Sirius only wished he could be there to see all that mischief.
"You could." James said when Sirius told him after the laughter had quieted a little. "Just…be my pet dog, a friendly thing that'll calm down the first years or something. You could even do a bit of mischief on your own that way couldn't you?"
"James…"
"Are you telling me you don't want to piss on Snape's shoes when he can't do anything about it?"
Another flurry of giggles. Oh, how he had missed his friend. Sirius washed down his laughter with some more mead and then leaned back in the insanely comfortable chair Frigga had placed him in before taking her leave about an hour before. He looked up at the golden ceiling and swallowed back any remaining joy. He thought about the little kid, the pup, who was facing down Odin of all things for them while they giggled like the children they'd never really stopped being.
"We really messed up, didn't we?" Sirius asked. "With Harry?"
"I…Yes I think we did."
"I mean I just…I gave him to Hagrid without a second thought, didn't I? I choose going after that pustule for revenge and he…oh James you have no idea where Dumbledore left him and that's all my fault."
"I do." James said his hands wrapping around the solid metal goblet so hard that the stem literally bent like it was made of putty. "I do know, and don't you dare think that Tunie is getting away with it."
"I…I promised you and Lily I'd look out for him but I wasn't there James. I wasn't."
"You were suffering in Azkaban. I was dining on the finest fare in the golden realm. Neither of us are innocent." He pushed the guilt he felt down. James looked at him, his now blue eyes had the same look of comfort that the old brown ones had had. "All we can do is be better for him now."
"You're right. Just like always James."
"Are you kidding me? I'm never right. That was Moony's job."
"True. Too true!"
"Poor sod, being friends with two of the biggest idiots this side of the sun."
"Remus is going to be so pissed off when he sees us." Sirius giggled.
"Oh Merlin. He's going to do worse to me than just a broken nose. Sirius you've got to protect me."
"And get in the way of an angry Moony? No way. You are on your own!"
"Padfoot! How dare you betray me like this!"
"What are you scared of? You're a god!"
"It's Remus!" Sirius winced at the truth of that.
"I'll make sure they decorate your funeral with Lilies."
"Oh well that makes me feel so much better."
"Good." Sirius laughed a little. "Hate for you to feel bad before you die. That'd be a downer."
Maybe it was the fact that in the last hour he'd been drinking heavenly honeyed mead that was strong enough to leave him feel tipsy with only five or six sips of it. Maybe it was the fact that everything in Asgard felt warm and safe compared to where he'd been living in the past decade; Azkaban, Grimmauld Place, and then that awful fog world. Maybe it was the fact that Sirius had just joked about a funeral and dying.
Sirius started to cry. Big fat tears escaped his eyes and rolled down his cheeks. He sniffled a little.
"Pads?"
"I…I didn't go to your funeral. I wasn't…I never got to say goodbye to you. James I never got to say goodbye. You were just gone! Poof! You and Lily and then I was all alone and…and…"
James hugged him, reaching out from the other side of the couch and pulling Sirius in with his godly strength carefully tempered, muttering about how they should never drink together. They always got teary when they did. Sirius only hugged him back knowing the other man was probably crying too.
"It was a nice funeral." He said, his voice partially muffled by James' shoulder. "Remus went, he said that…that the only thing that was missing was a bit of mischief. Most people just talked about how…how much you and Lily loved each other."
"I can't think of a better way to be remembered." He said, voice trembling in a way that Sirius knew meant he was crying. "Oh Padfoot I missed you, and her and everything. I'm sorry. I never once had the courage to visit your grave, never brought you flowers you'd hate, just to annoy your immortal soul."
Sirius clung to his best friend who still somehow managed to still smell like that same stupid cologne he started using when they were 18. What idiots they were. What stupid blind idiots. Remus really did deserve smarter friends, didn't he? They were just two fools who started to cry whenever they had a drink together and who had both made stupid choices that hurt the people they cared for the most.
He didn't tell James he forgave him. He didn't really have to.
"We're lucky." Sirius said. "Remus is easier to deal with than Lily was at least. Remus is only going to chew you up the once."
James shivered and then laughed. He loosened his grip on Sirius and pulled back slightly. He told him that they needed to sober up.
"Who knows what Odin is going to do. We need to be…sharp!"
"Right." Sirius said pulling his wand out of his sleeve. "Ugh I hate this spell."
He cast a spell that removed every trace of alcohol from his body and placed it back into his goblet. It felt awful. He grimaced at the weird sucking sensation while James did the same. Their cups were now totally full and his mind felt very clear and sober.
Sobriety.
Ugh.
"There." Sirius said. "Now, how long do you think this is going to take with the All-Daddy?"
James made a pained choking noise while Sirius smirked.
"Never call him that again!"
"Fine fine!" Sirius said in a tone that made it clear he was definitely going to call him that again. "Seriously though. How long? Harry needs his rest doesn't he? We were in that fog world for a pretty long time and I doubt you'd come there straight after a good night's rest."
"No." Loki said with a grimace. "It was late actually, and we'd had a long…tense day."
"Tense?"
"Apparently, I'm not very skilled at immediately getting along with my estranged son. Do you want to know what the first thing he did when he found out who I was?"
"What?"
"He snuck out from under Dumbledore's eyes, entered the United States illegally, and punched me right in the face." Sirius stared at James in shock. "I'm serious. He saved my life against the Enchantress Amora then he punched me in the face and portkeyed away before we could even talk."
"James." Sirius said his voice helpless against the surging joy coming from somewhere deep his chest. "I love that boy so much."
Just as James was going to no doubt return that with a witty quip, the door to the room they'd been shoved into opened. Both men sat up and blinked to see Harry and Odin walking side by side together into the room. Odin's face no longer held the malice and disdain it had in the throne room. Instead he was listening to Harry tell a story with something like awe in his one eye.
It was without a doubt one of the weirdest things Sirius had ever seen. Because in the few seconds they had before Harry and Odin were close enough to greet them, it had looked like Odin was following Harry's lead.
"So, then I jumped into it's mouth and stabbed up through into it's brain." Harry finished. "Of course, it also bit me in the shoulder at the same time but luckily, there was a phoenix there to cry on the bite so I was just fine, not even a scratch on me."
Sirius really needed to teach the kid how to tell better stories. How did he manage making a story about slaying a basilisk sound as boring as going grocery shopping? Surely the kid knew better than that right? Although based on the look on his face probably not. Pitiful.
"And that's it?" Odin asked.
"That's it. Like I said, not even a big deal." Of course, it was a big deal! Sirius had seen the kid show more excitement and pride over a quidditch win than slaying a deadly mythical beast. "Hey dad, Sirius! Sorry it took so long. Have you guys been alright here?"
Poor James was looking between Odin and Harry like his brain was frying.
"It's been fine. The food's good." Sirius said. "And you?"
"Oh, it's been just…great." Harry said shifting a little to look better at Odin. "And I think the All-Father has something he'd like to say?"
Odin suddenly looked awkward of all things. A god, the god of gods, looked awkward. Harry had a look on his face that was eerily similar to a mother who was trying to get a rowdy child to do something polite in front of company.
"Yes. Tom Riddle poses a threat far too great. He stole the blood of a demi-god to power his new form and as such is a danger to all nine realms. It is my duty-" Harry cleared his throat just slightly at the word duty and Odin paused before correcting himself. "It is my honor to offer whatever aid Asgard can give to defeat this monster."
"And?" Harry pushed, his tone so similar to Molly Weasley that Sirius almost wondered if she was in the room with them.
"And." Odin said, his voice almost pained. "I am sorry Loki. I should have allowed you to explain the truth today without immediately passing judgement."
What. The. Fuck.
Harry had now turned his gaze back to James, his face expectant. Sirius lightly kicked his best friend which got him to sit forward a little, his face painted in something like condemnation.
"I don't see why I should-" Harry's face turned from expectant to almost threatening, a 'don't you dare' look that Sirius hadn't seen since the last time he'd had dinner with Lily. "-not forgive you. Learning about a demi-god must have been very shocking. Let's leave it in the past, where it belongs."
"Right, yes." Odin said. "We should sit and discuss…things."
"Great idea." Harry said brightly all trace of Molly Weasley and Lily Evans gone from his countenance as if they'd never even been there at all. Harry plopped himself down onto one of the free chairs and immediately started grabbing for food.
Sirius found he couldn't blame the boy for being hungry. Since the last time he'd ate they'd been attacked by weird fog zombies, traveled to a new realm, been forcibly bathed by a stubborn queen, and interrogated by a prickish king. Although the king looked now more cowed than prickish. No wonder the kid was starved. Odin sat down in another chair, stiff, his one eye switching between looking at the table full of food and at James.
It was unfortunate that the kid was focused on his food though. Without him there was nothing to stop the room from becoming so awkward it was bordering on suffocating. Sirius' personal brand of tension breaking (making fun of James) really wasn't appropriate for the setting. After about thirty seconds, a literal eternity, of silence the moment was broken when Harry reached for a goblet.
"Not that one." James said. "Trust me, you don't want the mead. I'll get you some tea."
"You don't let him drink mead?" Odin asked, his voice almost bewildered.
James didn't respond immediately, too busy conjuring some tea out of nowhere for Harry who took it with ease, giving the mugs of mead a look of consternation.
"Thanks." He said before sipping at the tea.
"He's not even 16 yet." James said to Odin as if the man was daft. "I hardly want him drinking something that'll addle his brains, they're not even done developing yet."
It was just like James wasn't it? To get all fussy over things like that, no matter the situation. Even Lily had been calmer about their baby's safety than James had been. Although looking back on it that was probably because Lily knew Harry was a demi-god and figured he was pretty much invincible to most things while James just liked to panic.
"It's just mead." Odin said. "You were drinking that when you were much younger than him."
"And look how that turned out." James snarled. "Clearly your parenting style lacks in any number of ways!"
Oh shit. Sirius hadn't been a part of this much drama since he ran away from home at 16. He looked between the two gods and then at Harry who was doing much the same. Sirius settled back a little to get out of the crossfire that was no doubt about to come about and watched.
He had to get his entertainment somehow.
Odin looked offended enough to combust, far more than when Harry had called him a bag of dicks earlier, he looked furious in fact. Before he could snarl back what would have no doubt been inflammatory, Harry interrupted.
"All-Father."
Immediately Odin's strings were cut, indignation and rage blown away by just two words, and he looked away from James.
"I suppose you are right James." Holy shit. Holy flying balls of shit. What was going on? Sirius couldn't believe what he was seeing. "You were right about a great many things."
James looked a little…frightened now. It was the same fright that he'd had when Lily had actually agreed to go on that date with him. After so many years of her saying no and him knowing what to expect from her, the change and the unknown future had frightened him. And here was that same fright, the fear of facing the unknown. Sirius reached out and placed a hand over James', one quick squeeze to remind him he wasn't alone.
"Like what?" His voice was only slightly shaky.
"Thor's coronation." Odin said after a moment, his voice decisive. "You were right about him not being ready."
Sirius only knew bits and pieces of that story, what James had shared back in that fog world. Merlin, he needed a better name for it than 'fog world' if he was going to keep having to think about it. James' hand was tense beneath Sirius' own.
"Is that all?"
"Did you want an entire list, Loki?" Odin demanded, frustrating and almost cornered. "Is that what this conversation is to become? A laundry list over a thousand years old? No, Loki."
"You don't get to say that!" James shouted, slamming his hand on the table. All of the goblets and plates of the food rattled from the force of it. "Don't tell me no! Not now, not ever!"
Odin looked pained then and Sirius didn't understand why. Neither did Harry but the kid had obviously decided he shouldn't interrupt whatever this conversation was becoming.
"Loki."
"Remove my punishment from me." James demanded ignoring the pleading tone in Odin's voice. "I need to be free to move and act on earth and the other realms to defeat Riddle."
"Yes, of course."
"I want Hiemdall's eyes on earth, looking for information, anything on the Death Eater movements and I want to be told directly about it."
"It will be done."
"In a few months I want some warriors, the best you can spare, to guard the castle my son will be living in. He's the only one who can kill Riddle and Riddle knows it. He'll be under constant attack and I want more security."
"I will send them when you call."
"I need free use of the Bifrost as well as access to Asgard's resources."
"You will have it."
"Good."
"Is that all?" Odin asked in a tone that made it clear he expected to offer much more.
"For now. Harry, Sirius, let's go."
"You're leaving?" Odin asked as James stood up and began to sweep out of the room. The old man looked helpless and lost as Sirius got up to follow his friend. He was never one to turn down the chance at a dramatic exit. Harry's eyes switched between Odin and James for a moment before he swallowed and spoke, his voice slightly nervous
"Um, Dad?" James paused and turned slightly.
"Harry, come on, let's go."
"Could we stay? Just for the night?" Harry asked, rubbing his arm awkwardly. "It's just that I haven't slept in like 24 hours and the first two times we've traveled to a different planet has been…well exhausting. Plus, well, it might be nice to sleep here?"
"Nice?" James asked.
"Well, its not like Riddle's going to be able to pop out from under my bed here like he does on earth. It might be safe?"
James immediately melted, having totally forgotten his rage and dramatics in the face of his tired and slightly frightened looking son. Sirius stared at Harry from a point where James couldn't see his face.
"There are guest rooms." Odin said. "For both your son and your…friend. They are ready for them now."
"I suppose. One night wouldn't hurt." James said. "But we are leaving in the morning."
"Thank you, dad." Harry said as if he hadn't just pulled the biggest manipulation stunt of his life. Odin stood up, almost eager to get them to a bed.
"Come. I'll show you the way."
Odin walked out the door, James only a moment behind him. Harry jumped up, picking up a last bite of food, before hopping over to Sirius.
"Sirius, you were right."
"What?"
"You told me to act all sad! It works! This is brilliant! Come on, let's go catch up with them."
Sirius watched the kid go, slowly lifting a hand, horrified at what he'd just learnt.
"What have I done?"
But the empty room had no answer for him.