128.3 This Is Halloween: Boss Stage (SYSTEM ERROR)
Year of NO ERROR, Autumn of the LACK OF ERROR
"How is it?" Anti-Kyler asked, dabbing the wet rag to my bad left shoulder again. It hadn't stopped bleeding. I shrugged with my right one instead.
"It burns and I can't move much of it. My fingers can still twitch, with effort. Don't concern yourself. It's by no means my first time being cut with a kiff-tie blade." Sunnie preparing to tie with me hurt far worse, but I couldn't just say that with him in the kitchen too. His head rested in my lap, he sulking into his crossed arms again with his tail twitching around me like a stream in a fierce wind. The flowing water that made up his hair soaked my uniform and left me wet and shivering.
Anti-Kyler grimaced. "I'm more worried about infection. There's no telling whether those clockwork spiders keep themselves clean. Bet you they crawl around in the dirt. Bet you that." The anti-brownie pulled back and soaked the bloodied rag in the sink again. I stared down at the wound on my arm, which still refused to close.
"I don't think it's going to stop," I told him. "Not until I next go to smoke. It's bleeding red, and I'm quite certain that was inrita which dug into my skin. I may not be at risk for dying like a Fairy when I touch it, but the nasty stuff does disable everything magical it touches, and that includes the cells and blood in my arm that would normally heal it up."
I sat on the counter with my legs dangling. Anti-Kyler stood in front of me with the blood-stained rag. Venus washed a clean dish over and over with dull circles of her hand, the metal scrubber scraping and glistening like gold. We were quiet and alone in the kitchen together. The cooking staff had moved into the great hall to hear what all the commotion was, and bring out little frosted ginger cookies to brighten everyone's spirit.
There were three windows in the kitchen, and we had taken care to keep as far away from them as possible. The Eliminators swarmed over the Castle walls, and every few minutes, one would pause to peer in and attempt to reach us with one of the swirling vortexes they produced from their mouths. Venus had already strayed too close once, and only jerked back in time thanks to Munn granting her additional speed. Some of the clockwork arachnids had taken to clinging above the windows, watching and waiting, and two legs had made an instant stab for her when she was still safely on this side of the bars. Not that it seemed to bother them. Apparently, if they could reach between the bars without touching them or the walls, the ward that kept them out did not apply.
Apart from the clicking and whirring outside, everything was silent.
And then it wasn't. Venus made a choking noise in her throat. She flew forward and flung her arms around my neck, sobbing into my hair. Sunnie pulled away with a low, gurgling growl. I patted her back, but she ignored any and all soothing words with a vicious shake of her head. Oh, the poor dear! How much of this was beyond her understanding! I nudged her cheek with my hand, intending to kiss her and pretend I'd forgotten the chaotic world with all its thousand and one problems, when a kiff and puff of warm steam behind her made me flinch.
"How's it going, team?"
I jumped. So did Sunnie and Anti-Kyler. I clutched Venus close, scrambling for my wand, as Anti-Kyler immediately hit the floor, his hands flying up to the jade circlet between his ears. Sunnie ducked behind me. The Grim Reaper floated in the air on his back, fishing out clumps of roasted valravn from a red and white bucket resting on his knee.
"Relax." He lifted his hand. "Not why I'm here. Also, if I was, fighting me would be pointless anyway. Unlike some Ancients, I actually do have a Temple in my name, so I can exist outside of Plane 23 and reincarnate if I'm killed. My servants may not be as shiny and modern as Big D's Eliminators, but they do know how to do their jobs without me and do them well. Anyway, I've got a five-minute break before we need to start rounding up the refract pixies' souls, so I thought I'd check in. If we had cable on 23, you guys'd be on every channel. How's it going?"
Neither Venus nor I lowered our wands. "How did you get through our defenses?" I demanded.
"Uh." He pointed at his chest. "Reaper of Souls. My field bonus is barrier immunity. Me and my kiff-tie partners get free entry anywhere in the universe. That includes all Temples and Sanctuaries. Did you not know this?"
Before I could slap myself for asking such an obvious question, Anti-Kyler's jade circlet lit up bright green. Then it burst in a puff of petals. Instead of settling on the ground, they clustered together until they formed a freckle-faced naiad with wood-brown skin, spiked green hair, and a long, bird-like tail of autumn-colored leaves sweeping behind him. His mouth wasn't even whole before he shouted, "Daddy!"
Sunnie tightened his grip around my waist, staying firmly behind me. I grimaced. Venus took my hand.
"Hey, kiddo." The Reaper popped another piece of valravn in his mouth, then grabbed Thurmondo's wrists when he bounded across the kitchen. He flipped them over. "Still got the yellow cuffs and chains, I see. And some new bruises."
Thurmondo shrugged. "The bruises were accidents. The chains are for my own good. Being the Curiosity spirit causes problems for everyone around me. Sometimes I start wandering off and I have to be hauled back before I forget I have a job to do."
"Like this?" the Reaper asked patiently.
Thurmondo's face drained of color. "Oh. Y-yeah. I, um, I should go."
"Hey, while I've got you." The Reaper propped his elbows on the counter behind him, between sprinkled clumps of flour and dirty mixing bowls. "The big guy wants me to kiff-tie with him and override the Sanctuary's defenses. Do you want a little brother, or a little sister?"
"Oh, a sister!"
"That's not going to happen," I said, glaring at them both, "because as I understand it, you have an agenda of your own and you aren't willing to offer yourself as a tool to the Darkness, a plaything, a mere means to an end. You prefer true intimacy and passion, specifically with the Cycling Hen. As far as nature spirits go, you really aren't the type to kiff-tie casually. Am I mistaken?"
They both looked at me blankly. My cheeks and ears flared with cold. I tried to think of something else to say to defend my argument of why the Reaper shouldn't leave the Castle premises and make himself vulnerable to forcible kiff-tying. The silence was awkward and I wanted to break it. But, fortunately I didn't need to. Thurmondo's chains tugged lazily backwards into the empty space behind him. The color, which had just started coming back to his brown face, disappeared again. "Uh-oh. Winni wants me back. I gotta scootch. Good luck fighting the Ancients, guys. Give me the play-by-play later. Have fun!"
He allowed the chains to yank him backwards and disappeared with a kiff, paying absolutely no attention to Anti-Kyler, who had only just gathered the strength to sit up. "Nice," he grunted. "It was hard holding his attention long enough to tie with him the first time. Now I'll never get him back."
I stared across the kitchen at the window on the eastern wall. "That might not be a concern for much longer."
"Oh? Is Hoco here too?" Before anyone could stop him, the Reaper brought his face to the bars and stuck his head right against the edge. "Watch out!" Venus shrieked. I slapped my hand over her mouth so if she did catch sight of the scene, it would be through her eyes instead of her sonar. Perhaps I ought to have covered her ears. The squish and tear of immortal flesh already haunted mine. Two razor-sharp arachnid legs plunged into the place I imagined was the Grim Reaper's forehead… if not something softer, like his eyes.
The Grim Reaper's shoulders stiffened as the reality of what had just happened sunk in around him. The pointed hood of his brown robes slipped backwards to reveal a shining white skull fixed atop a bare, bony spine. He lurched a single step sideways, long fingers sliding across the wall, and then dissolved into a column of hot white steam. 001 clung to the window's edge, its eyes glittering. I released Venus, and she fell to the floor with a gasp.
"No," I choked out as a shapeless black mass melted out of the shadows outside and rapidly took on solid form. Pure black skin. White suit. Glowing red eyes. Four arms. His upper right hand bore an amethyst ring, while the upper left wore a ruby bracelet. A brown belt with a citrine buckle wrapped around his waist. White teeth flashed as he clenched them in a grin.
I HAVE FOUND AN ACCEPTABLE KIFF-TIE PARTNER
YOUR DEFENSES WILL NOT STAND AGAINST THE UNION OF TWO OF THE WISE ANCIENTS
"No," I whispered again, clinging to Sunnie as he clung to me. Anti-Kyler held the twitching Venus on the floor.
PREPARE FOR RECALIBRATION
A flash of light went off around Venus' ears. Her earrings whisked into the air in a rush of wind and steam. "I've got this, guys!" Munn hollered. He hadn't even finished reforming before he launched what remained of himself straight through the Grim Reaper's wispy particles, and sent them both reforming and crashing across the kitchen. Tied and taken. They hit the cabinets on the opposite wall with an "Oof!" and lay still. The Darkness stared after them for a beat, then threw out all his arms and screeched.
!?
GO TO YOUR TEMPLE
HE WAS MINE
YOU ARE GROUNDED FROM YOUR PARTIES FOR AN EON, YOUNG MAN
"I'm okay," the Reaper wheezed, crumpled on the floor with his arms around his torso. He hadn't had the chance to replace his hood, and he lay there, eye sockets blank and staring and his jawbone dangling from the rest of his skull even when he spoke. "I have piercings in places I didn't think I could even have piercings, but I'm okay, guys."
Outside, the Darkness began to pace in a huff, kicking the occasional Eliminator out of his way and sending them sailing across the lumpy black clouds. A few of them fell between the break between them that made up the gaping Castle moat, and plunged down into empty space.
"Oh, thank gods. Specifically, Sky Year demigods." I released Sunnie and pressed my hands over my eyes. "He has no one to tie with. We've still got time. We've still got time."
"Uh… I'm not sure about that." Sunnie tugged my ear, then pointed through the window. I raised my head and twisted around to look, even though I didn't want to.
The Hocus Poconos hauled herself over the horizon, keeping near the forest. She looked to be comprised entirely of deep silver fog, though it ranged near black along some parts of her swollen underbelly, which scraped across the vapor each time she lurched forward. Each of her steps was lumbering, legs low and stout. Her eyes were positioned on the sides of her head, her face short and sharply curved into a beak. Watchful and ready to snap up anything that crossed before her eyes. A misty forest of evergreens sprouted like a shell along her back. Twin long, thin tails whipped through the air behind her.
Everything immediately around her was so gray, gray, gray, the colors bleeding slowly back as she left one area behind for another. Oh, the pixies would have loved her, had they met under better circumstances… or had those simple-minded fools been capable of comprehending nature spirits in their manifested, sentient forms as opposed to shapeless swirling vortexes of destruction and hate. Nature spirits were complex creatures. More than the base elements those neat freaks appeared to enjoy categorizing them into, sorting them like a child with a game of shaped blocks and holes.
The Darkness brightened. Metaphorically, at least. Abandoning the Castle, he turned into a small ball of black energy and shot like a comet in her direction.
I puffed my cheeks. "So that's-"
"My mom," Sunnie confirmed.
I glanced at him sideways. "I thought you were born of Tarrow's tears after she dumped him for that one photon spirit."
"In the interest of not losing my 'You get Mother's Day off' privileges, I am choosing not to answer that."
"Oh, so now you withhold information."
"Because it doesn't contribute to our assets at this time." Sunnie braced his elbows against the window ledge, his body coiled along the counter, and sighed a stream of mist. "Well, here we are. Time is up. What do you want to do? Your defenses are cute, but they won't hold against two Wise Ancients with an agenda to fulfill."
Anti-Kyler and Venus stood behind me, awaiting my instructions. The Reaper sat in the corner, groping for the bucket of valravn he'd dropped when he'd gone to steam, even though it was on the opposite side of the kitchen and there was obviously no conceivable way he could reach it from where he was. I leaned my head back against the wall. "You really think they'll kiff-tie for this, Sunnie?"
"Out of necessity. They have a job to do."
"This sounds like a good time to mention that the rates I charge for babysitting newborn demigods have recently skyrocketed."
Sunnie stared at me. "Is this relevant information?"
"I was joking. Well, I wasn't, but…" I clenched my hair with my good hand, sick to my fagiggly gland and beyond as the Darkness flew in circles around the Hocus Poconos. She batted him off with a swat of her paw and continued lumbering towards us. "What's so important that she's willing to land herself a new bundle of chaos?"
"They didn't come all this way just to fall short of their goals," Anti-Kyler pointed out.
Sunnie nodded. "If they must tie to unite their powers, so they shall. It's the most promising strategy for success."
I closed my eyes, trying very hard not to think of all the Anti-Fairies innocently eating cookies in the great hall. Hopefully, with the threat of Eliminators at the windows warning them back, none of them had actually looked outside and seen yet what was going on. "Well, I'm casting my vote that the baby will be a spirit of shadows. Darkness and Unreality would result in something like that, wouldn't they?"
"Hm."
We were quiet for a few seconds, just watching the Hocus Poconos drag her enormous self down the hill and listening to the Eliminators swarm in circles over the Castle walls. The Darkness trailed after her, seeming more than a little irritated that she was making him wait to tie. I fingered my left shoulder. Still bleeding. Still red.
"Anti-Cosmo, we should tie again ourselves."
I shot up. "Are you mad?"
Sunnie probed his tail against my foot. "It'll be quick. Then you can stab yourself or however you like dying best, and we'll reincarnate in my Temple back in Faeheim. That gives us more time to think up a plan."
I threw my arm back to indicate Anti-Kyler and Venus behind me. "I won't abandon my people, Sunnie!"
He put his head to one side. "We're no good to them here."
"That doesn't matter." I turned my eyes through the window again. "I would never forgive myself if I ran away when they were looking to me most. I'm their protector. And… What in blazes?"
"Huh?" Venus asked, pressing close, Anti-Kyler behind her. We stared in silence as the Darkness made another attempt to initiate a kiff-tie with the Hocus Poconos. Again, she batted him back, this time sending him spiraling down to the cinders and ashes. He skidded in the grit for about twenty wingspans. It took several seconds for him to recover. When he drew himself into the air again, he had two arms crossed and the other two hands braced against his waist. Loose shadows had begun to peel apart from his form. They waved in frustration around his stocky body until he pulled them in and smoothed his white suit down.
"She rejected him," I said incredulously. "Sunnie, Sunnie look!" I dragged on his sleeve, unable to tear my gaze from the scene outside. "She doesn't want to kiff-tie with him! I think that brainless brute wants to wait for another Ancient to appear before she takes on the Castle. We have a chance!"
Sunnie coughed into his fist and looked away. "That makes sense. Those two are hardly on the best of terms. It was a… messy break-up last time. The kid that had to deal with his father in that state has intimacy issues and low self-esteem."
"Who else is coming? Which Ancients are on their way?"
"I don't sense anyone." Sunnie looked over at the Reaper, whose hunger hadn't yet overpowered his laziness and who was now attempting to fish his valravn bucket towards him with his scythe. "Do you, Uncle?"
He laughed. "Are you kidding me? Let's think about who's left. Mother and Father have a fracturing universe to hold together. Prince Morn and Princess Eve still haven't come back from their honeymoon. My wife's brooding over our latest batch of eggs, I don't mind admitting. Hy-Brasil thinks he's on permanent vacation and none of this is his responsibility, and Tír Ildáthach isn't going to get up while she's still nursing Solis Infinitum. Sprigganhame is basically dead. Need I go on listing the rest? It's me, him, and her. We're the only Ancients who can afford to devote this much time and energy to disabling a Sanctuary. Thanks to their bindings, the zodiac spirits are useless for this job unless you've got all seven of them. Then there are the rogue spirits who normally steer clear of us, because they're lower down the hierarchy and kiff-tying gets increasingly unpleasant for them the farther they're removed from the inner godly circle. You know how it goes."
I pressed the fingertips on my left hand against my lips as a rising idea stirred in my chest. Then I slid off the counter and looked across the kitchen at the door on the eastern wall. It opened straight outside to allow groceries and deliveries to be brought in directly. "The Hocus Poconos is a mite slow in the head, but sooner or later, even she'll realize The Darkness is her only option. We've got to keep them distracted. If we can prevent them from kiff-tying, then everyone else will be safe. It's our only chance."
"Anti-Cosmo," Sunnie yelped as I pulled him after me, "you're insane!" He skidded to a halt in midair somehow, backpedaling with the free arm. It took a slap of his tail across my face, but he managed to push me off. Then he withdrew, clutching his hand to his chest. "I'm not going out there. I'm not risking being reclaimed. You shouldn't play around with gods."
"Anti-Cozzie!" Venus grabbed my hand. "You can't!"
I looked between them and the door. Then I took Venus by the shoulder and looked her in the eyes. "Darling, I have to do something. I don't want to go down trembling like a coward, praying to gods who don't appear interested in coming to our rescue."
Venus stared at me. Slowly, she shook her head. "I- I don't understand. You said we was protected. You said you coul'n't lose me. You promised we was gonna be fine."
"Yes. You will be."
"But what about you?"
"Don't try anything," Sunnie warned, floating another pace backwards. "You can't keep them occupied forever. You will lose, and they'll unite anyway and use their combined powers to obliterate the Castle's defenses. Anti-Cosmo, if you fight them, you won't win. We should run away. We'll flee to my Temple, and then take off across the universe while we have a head start. That's a good strategy. It keeps us out of danger the longest."
"Your arm," Anti-Kyler said meekly. "The Eliminators."
I tilted my head. "I don't hear them clicking about anymore. I imagine they withdrew when the Darkness pulled away."
"Do it," said the Reaper through a mouthful of valravn. "I've got a front row seat and I want to see some serious chaos go down."
Sunnie swished in front of me, barring my way to the door. He threw his arms out to either side, much like the Darkness had done. "I repeat: Don't do it. My duty is to suggest the course of action with the lowest amount of risk. I am the strategist of the gods."
I placed my hands to my hips. "Well, you certainly do a sucky job of it, don't you?"
"Excuse me?"
"Sunnie, whether you like it or not, the Castle has become a battlefield. I don't need strategies about how to stay alive by avoiding the most crucial battle. I need strategies of how to win the war."
He withdrew his arms and allowed me to push past him. "Anti-Cosmo, I'm not a warrior. You're asking me to comprehend algorithms I have no point of reference for for. Water isn't an aggressive thing. Water survives. Water offers life and safety."
"Good." I put my hand on the door handle and glanced back at him. I forced myself to smile. "Look after the others for me. Especially Anti-Wanda."
"No!" She threw herself forward, but Anti-Kyler caught her by the hand and pulled her towards him for a hug. She stomped on his foot and pounded her fists against his back, but he took her blows in stride and squeezed his eyes shut. His wings shook.
I opened the door.
"Are you doing this?" the Reaper asked, a note of excitement tingling in his voice. He set the red and white bucket aside and tapped the sapphire piercing somehow embedded in the upper lip of his skull. "I'm going to want to get up for this."
Sunnie turned a full circle, his lip curled and his head tipped back towards the ceiling. Then he lashed his tail and zipped after me. The door fell shut behind him. We hovered together outside the kitchen, his hands resting on either side of my neck. No Eliminators struck out at me. I didn't see the slightest hint of green eyes or whirring metal parts. A battle of wills raged across the way. The Darkness and the Hocus Poconos had turned their full attention on each other instead of us. His frantic wooing still did not appear to be serving him well, judging by her shrieks and swiping claws. Every time he approached, she forced him to spiral away and reevaluate the situation, his four arms laced behind his head and his face twisted with impatient irritation.
"On second thought," Sunnie said, sinking behind my shoulders, "Maybe we should give them some privacy. It's probably past my bedtime anyway. I take naps."
"Come on," I said, yanking him forward by the hand. "Cover my back. Watch for Eliminators. I need to get across the moat to him. We need to split up. Split his attention. He's not a Focus spirit like you. He can only pursue one of us at a time."
"But- What if he reclaims me? If I lose this peripheral manifestation, what's to stop him from flying back to my Temple and finishing me off?"
"The fact that your Temple is way out of his way and he didn't backtrack for Winni and Thurmondo, I hope." I rolled my eyes. "Don't you see? He picked up the other zodiac spirits because they happened to be in his path, and he wanted a backup plan in case he needed to fall back on your powers to disable the Temple. Of course, he needs all seven of you to do that. Much simpler to kiff-tie with the Hocus Poconos. While she's here, I don't think we need to worry he'll continue gathering the set."
Another loud blow sent the Darkness crashing into a tree. It, and he, fell down together. He picked himself up, and looked our way. He stared. Then he rose, wispy, arms dangling, and drifted in our direction. Slowly first, then faster and faster. He drew a golden knife from a sheath at his hip.
"Oh me, he's coming." Sunnie slammed his forehead into mine. "He wants me! Kiff-tie, now! We've got to get out of here. I can strangle you from the inside. It'll be quick."
"Get. Off." I threw him back, beating my wings. My core thumped in my forehead. The Darkness was approaching. Only Sunnie and open space separated him from me now. My hands shook, my feet trembled, but I blamed that on natural klutziness making a reappearance now that I was no longer drawing upon Sunnie's agility field bonus as I had back when we were tied. "Sunnie, we have to split up and distract him. It's the only way we're going to pull this off."
Sunnie shoved his fingers through his watery hair. The tips began to bubble and steam. "But I'm the one he'll chase. That's suicide! At least with you I have a chance. Splitting up reduces my survival rate by-"
"Sunnie!"
The golden knife sliced down his back before I could grab his hand and jerk him away. The instant the two came in contact, Sunnie evaporated. Clack, clack went his turquoise brooch against the ground. It bounced to a stop at the Ancient nature spirit's feet. It would have been funny, really, that he had all this power in the universe, and yet he bent down to pick it up. But it wasn't funny. Behind me, Venus screamed, though the sound was muffled. Anti-Kyler must have clapped his hand over her mouth and pulled her back.
SUNNIE IS RECLAIMED
Those words echoed everywhere around me, ringing across the universe, though the next ones were softer and more locally based.
YOUR IMMEDIATE PROTECTION AS A MEDIUM IS NULLED
YOU WILL BE RECALIBRATED
"Oh gods." I stepped back towards the Castle, covering my mouth with both hands.
Oh gods indeed. I watched the Darkness fit the brooch into place against his breast with the hand that bore Saturn's ruby bracelet. Then my eyes trailed to Dayfry's ring, allegedly lost so many eons ago. He saw me looking.
THE LESSER SPIRITS CANNOT CONCEAL THEMSELVES FROM ME
NO MATTER HOW MUCH THEY WOULD PREFER TO
In the middle of his second sentence, I whipped out my wand and blasted him between the eyes with an electric beam of blue. The Darkness reeled back with a snap of his wings, then fixed his eyes on me again. My wand smoldered at its tip
YOU THINK TO STRIKE A GOD OF CREATION?
"I…" I clutched my limp arm, my tongue folded up against the backs of my fangs. My wings clung to my sides like a newborn's. I lowered my gaze automatically, but I did not kneel. I wouldn't. Fear and fury raced throughout my veins. Who was he, to go back on the sworn promise that my Castle was protected, that my people were safe? Who was he to hurt them when he had vowed not to lift a claw against us?
I PROCEED WITH RECALIBRATION
His mouth opened, and a thin tunnel of red snaked out. The air began to spin. Pulling me forward.
Not today. I whipped around, shoved my wand between the bars of the nearest kitchen window, and grabbed it with my other hand. That took heaving, the limb paralyzed near the shoulder, but still movable in a few places near the wrist and fingers. Held lengthwise, my wand formed a handle which I clung to with all my limited physical strength. Venus grabbed my knuckles. Anti-Kyler grabbed hers. The Reaper watched curiously in the background.
My ears flew back. My legs lifted from the cinders. I bent my head and clenched my teeth as the Darkness sucked in the ashes and the rocks around me. He clamped a cold hand around my calf.
LET GO
"Never!" I kicked against the vortex pulling my legs backwards. My tears were going with them, and my eyelids were tugging in that direction too. "Darkness or not, you can't touch my Castle! It's mine! It's mine!"
The hand dropped away with a snap like an electric spark. The Darkness sighed. The force of its tug actually slackened just a bit.
I IDENTIFY AS REALITY
YOU ARE INTERFERING WITH THE STABILITY OF THE UNIVERSE
YOU WILL BE ELIMINATED
"… Reality?"
By this point, the Darkness had succeeded in sucking up most of the cinders and pebbles in the area, so there wasn't much left between he and me but the Castle he couldn't touch. Scraggly bushes rustled, branches cracking, as their roots began to give. No nightbirds called. The wind didn't shriek. The Hocus Poconos waited on the hill, preening her misty forest as she watched us, but making no move to contribute to the proceedings. It was almost silent as I clung to my wand through the window bars, though my mind was pumping with every trace of energy it had left. One look at Venus' and Anti-Kyler's stunned faces suggested they were thinking the same thing I was.
The Darkness stopped pulling at me. I let go of my wand at the same time. It clattered to the kitchen counter, only to be immediately plucked up by the remains of the vortex and absorbed by the Darkness' mouth. Venus' fingers slipped from my hands. I crashed down to tender white cloud and spun around to face the Darkness again. If I could even still call him that knowing what - or who - he was.
"Nature spirit," I choked out. "Spirit of reality!" My jaw hit my knees. I clapped my hand over my mouth once again, this time sinking my claws into flesh until I felt it bleed. "Oh my smoke. Tarrow?!"
I IDENTIFY AS REALITY
He fizzed as he spoke, his shape changing. Now that I knew his name, and that he and the Darkness weren't separate beings as I had always been told, my mind comprehended him in the form I'd been taught to imagine him as since my days as a pup. His shadowy feet, gently kicking in the air as he maintained his balance, snapped into curling tentacles. They were as thin as my fingers, but longer from his body to their tips than the Castle turrets were tall. I realized this as his coils snaked across the hills, wrapping around trees like a fist around a toothpick. Thousands of them curled into the distance. At least a hundred thousand thin, twisting coils, each one connecting him to Fairykind throughout the universe. I glanced down at my own chest. One of Tarrow's tentacles lay as close to my feet as he was able to reach, but his influence did not extend to me so long as I remained in contact with the Castle wall.
He loomed over me, his body pulsing, glowing, the same dark red as the sky, and he swirled with traces of black steam and clouds, because he was the sky, and he was the ground, and he was everywhere. Hundreds of large arachnids, their eyes glowing green, scuttled about inside his depths. They bounced and rolled every time he shifted too fast. And in there too, I could count four swirling vortexes of colored light and steam, zinging back and forth, shedding stars and traces of their various elements behind them and occasionally bumping into each other. The reclaimed zodiac spirits in their projected forms; apparently, the lining of Tarrow's bell cancelled out the effects of the aura each one produced which usually allowed me to behold them in shapes of my own interpretation, though the true forms they'd been born as remained tucked away in their hearts.
There was no doubt about it. I cowered in the presence of the cosmic jellyfish himself.
"Tarrow, what happened to you?" I scrambled back to my feet, grabbing the bars behind me with both fists. Venus' fingers clamped around my hands again, her claws digging into my skin. When Tarrow leaned his body down, the vapor of Plane 23 swept towards me like ocean waves across a beach. It curled around my feet even as I drew my legs up near my stomach, fighting to float even with so little space to beat my wings. My chest heaved. "You're Tarrow the Luck-Twister. You're the deity of fate! You're supposed to be on our side. How did you become this- this- destructive monster?"
A tree split apart as his tentacles cinched around it. Instead of falling to the ground, it went up in bright red steam.
I DO NOT IDENTIFY AS TARROW
I IDENTIFY AS REALITY
I WAS BORN OF METAPHYSICAL TIME AND THE PHYSICAL PHENOMENA OF NATURE
I TURNED BACK AND CREATED THEM OF SMOKE AND DUST AND VAPOR
I CREATED EXISTENCE
I AM REALITY
RELEASE YOUR HOLD ON THE BLUE SANCTUARY
YOU ARE TRYING MY PATIENCE
My fingers squeezed around the bars. A bead of blood trickled against the corner of my mouth. I resisted the urge to flick out my tongue and lap it up. Instead, I clung there, heaving air and the grit that had caught in my throat and attempting not to heave purple butterflies.
RELEASE YOUR HOLD ON THE BLUE SANCTUARY
I shook my head faster than I'd ever shaken it before. "This ground is consecrated. You can't touch me. Not without kiff-tying with a powerful nature spirit. A-and the Seven don't count as long as they remain bound to their Temples, or you wear all seven of their favors. You can't touch me."
…
IF YOU WILL NOT LET GO SO YOU CAN BE RECALIBRATED
I WILL MAKE YOU LET GO BY FORCING REGENERATION
Tarrow plunged a single tentacle into the middle of his bell and groped around. Eliminators and nature spirits scrambled out of the way. After a moment, he drew out an enormous black dagger, like a sword, embedded with an onyx the size of a small house where the blade met the hilt. My core dropped down to my throat. "Oh, gods. Is that your kiff-tie knife? That's… that's going to hurt quite a lot, isn't it?"
RELEASE THE SANCTUARY OR I WILL FORCE REGENERATION
"I…" I glanced back at my clenched fingers. Venus and Anti-Kyler stared at me, frozen in terror and shock.
RELEASE THE SANCTUARY OR I WILL FORCE REGENERATION
RELEASE THE SANCTUARY OR I WILL FORCE REGENERATION
ACCEPT RECALIBRATION
COME WILLINGLY
OR I WILL HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO KIFF-TIE WITH YOU TO PREVENT YOU FROM RE-ESTABLISHING CONTACT WITH THE SANCTUARY WALLS
YOU ARE MORTAL
BONDING WITH AN ANCIENT IS ABOVE YOUR MIND'S ABILITY TO COMPREHEND
BEST-CASE SCENARIO RESULTS IN YOUR SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION
Best case.
Okay. Okay. I inhaled, and then, lifting my chin, I stated, "Sorry, but I don't kiff-tie on the first encounter. I'm not that fast."
Tarrow's bell swelled up. Multiple trees and rocks crushed by the grip of his tentacles dissolved into steam with a series of snapping kiff, kiff, kiffs all around me. Inside of him, the arachnids and the nature spirits whizzed about as his color darkened. As he hefted his sword, he let out a snarl from a mouth somewhere I couldn't see.
DO NOT MOCK THE KIFF-TIE WITH YOUR SUGGESTIVE WORDPLAY
YOUR FALLEN ANCESTORS STOLE OUR INTIMATE POWER FROM WE TRUE IMMORTALS
YOU ABUSED ITS SACREDNESS FOR SECULAR RECREATIONAL ACTIVITIES
MORTALS ARE TO BOND WITH IMMORTALS
NOT TO OTHER IMPURE MORTALS
YOU DISGUST ME
The sword plunged towards my head like a lightning bolt.
"That's not fair!" I cried, jerking my entire body to the right. He was aiming for my left side. The blade clashed against the bars of the window. Venus and Anti-Kyler fell back, or the Reaper jerked them back, or something. Tarrow wrenched away to shake out his tentacle; apparently, the hallowed aura of the castle had done its job and scorched his being. His sacred knife - sword - thing - plunged to the white vapor between us with a clatter. My fingers burned from holding the bars so long and tight, but I didn't dare let go. Words swelled and choked in my throat, and I shook my head and let them spill like acid from my tongue. "We Anti-Fairies are creatures of balance. That's how you made us. We're always attracted to those who balance us most at the time. You made us this way!"
Tarrow withdrew his injured tentacle. As I stared, it dissolved in steam, only to sprout anew just a few seconds later.
I OFFERED YOU A PATTERN AND STRUCTURE
I HAD GRAND IDEAS BEFORE YOUR ANCESTORS INSULTED DAYFRY
THE UNSEELIE COURT WERE CAST DOWN FROM PLANE 23
YOU ANTI-FAIRIES ARE SMOKE
YOU ARE SHADOWS
YOU ARE HUSKS OF WHAT YOU COULD HAVE BEEN
IF YOU FEEL EMPTY THEN THAT IS THE PUNISHMENT YOU DESERVE
"Billions of millennia!" I screamed at the top of my voice, and my eardrums almost split. My fingers relaxed - they had to - but I kept them near the bars anyway. My feet touched again on the ground. "Our sacrifices! Our ceremonies! Battles fought for your honor! People killed in your name! Did you even care?"
YOU CANNOT RECLAIM THE FAVOR OF THE GODS AS EASILY AS YOU BETRAYED OUR TRUST
I didn't sob. It seemed like I should have, but the tears didn't come. Not like the froth creeping into the acid in my mouth. "What are we to you, Tarrow? Playthings? Lower than playthings?"
I IDENTIFY AS REALITY
"If you don't really care about us, why have I spent thousands of years bowing my head and gritting my teeth and doing my duty in satisfying Sunnie for no blitzing reason?"
He lowered his tentacle to retrieve his sword. One of the vortexes inside him - the one that looked like a hurricane spraying water - pressed against his side as though straining to reach me. Tarrow leveled his blade vaguely at my throat.
MY CHILDREN ARE DUMB AS STICKS
I NEEDED BABYSITTERS
I DEMANDED JUSTICE FOR YOUR CRIMES
YOUR ANCESTORS WERE DESPERATE TO WIN MY MERCY
COMPROMISE WAS REACHED
IT WAS A MATCH MADE ON PLANE 23
Every bitter comment I could have made dribbled down my chin in the form of boiling acid. I stared at him, with the tears running, and said nothing. He tilted his head and moved towards my neck with the sword again. Slowly this time. I said nothing.
RELEASE THE SANCTUARY OR I WILL SMITE YOU AND FORCE REGENERATION
"Nay!"
"Julius!" Venus screamed. Her claws fumbled towards me, but it was taking all my attention to keep my bad hand clenched around the window's bars, and I couldn't reach back for her.
"Venus," I spat instead, "get out of there. Comfort the others in the hall. I'm sure they can hear this." And I didn't want her to have to watch.
"I ain't leaving you!"
"They need a leader, woman! Our people need their High Countess! Get to the tunnel! Get to Vegon. Find them some place of refuge. I know you can do it. You're brilliant."
"Nuh-uh! I'm gonna tell the camarilla that we got Tarrow out here. They'll think of some way to stop him. We'll go down fightin'!"
I knew Tarrow could hear us, but I didn't really care. A lump had closed over my throat. Perhaps the threat of the Wind Wand would keep him from pursuing. He regarded me steadily as I heard the slap of Venus' and Anti-Kyler's shoes on the kitchen floor. I prayed that they left as I'd instructed. Though who I prayed to, I wasn't sure.
SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION NOTWITHSTANDING, KIFF-TYING WITH GODS IS A PRIVILEGE YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL FOR
IT WOULD BE A NOBLE WAY TO END YOUR EXISTENCE
MORTAL KIFF-TYING WITH MORTAL IS MOCKERY BEFORE US
MOCKERY IS YOUR TRADITION?
"Mockery!" My finger flew forward before I could stop myself, jabbing at the blue hurricane in his bell. "If anyone here should be charged with mocking your sacred rituals, it's Sunnie. I say, that whiny tortoise is hardly respectful and reserved when it comes to kiff-tying with me. Time and time again, he's used it merely as an opportunity to pleasure himself!"
…
THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE MOCKERY OF THE KIFF-TIE
I WAS NOT AWARE OF THIS
THIS OCCURS IN THE ECHO CHAMBER OF THE WATER TEMPLE?
"Anywhere you can't see it," I whispered, lowering my hand. "And he's not the only one. Reality, my children- the Breath year- I don't want them to ever have to… Look here, Winni is notorious for…"
DO NOT BE CONCERNED
AFTER RECALIBRATION, YOU WILL HAVE NO CHIL…
…
I REALIZE THAT IS IRRELEVANT TO YOUR POINT
I WILL SPEAK WITH MY SONS FOLLOWING MAIN FILE RECALIBRATION
YOU WISH I SHOULD PUNISH SUNNIE?
I blinked. For an instant, my mind flashed back to seeing Tarrow in his manifested Darkness form, terrifying and revenge-seeking. He hovered patiently above the ground, one of his four arms extended but the sword-like knife pointing down, his mouth closed. The lapels of his white suit ruffled in a mystic breeze that affected only him. Ready to absorb and conquer. Sunnie's brooch gleamed against his neck like a sliver of ice.
"I…" I pressed my hand to the place where that same brooch had once rested against my chest and clenched my eyes shut. "I'm not above revenge. He's been mistreating me for millennia. But it wasn't like I could just refuse him. I'm High Count. The people expected… I had to…"
SELECT YOUR PUNISHMENT FOR SUNNIE
I WILL HONOR YOUR PUNISHMENT
SO LONG AS THIS DOES NOT INTERFERE WITH THE MAIN DATA FILE OF REALITY
He eased back into his Tarrow form, tentacles racing like roots across the landscape. I swallowed, but otherwise didn't move, for about ten seconds. Then I shook my head. "There are more pertinent matters that should be discussed now. What can you tell me of the fall of the Pixie race? What role does H.P. play in this mess?"
I had to keep him talking. Venus, Anti-Poof, and the rest of the camarilla would either get everyone to safety, or think up some way to defeat him using the new information that he was our sacred deity, our beloved Tarrow. They'd think of something. All they needed was time.
As Tarrow rubbed the blade of his sword with two tentacles, it was looking more and more like a little bit of time was the only thing I had left to offer them.
THERE WAS ERROR
I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE DETAILS
THERE WAS A JOB TO DO
I HAD TO PRIORITIZE
The sword went up.
"You didn't even ask?" I croaked.
The sword went down.
…
I VISITED THE SHRINE OF MY MOTHER AND FATHER
THERE WERE TRACES OF THIS HEAD PIXIE PRESENT
I REQUESTED INFORMATION ABOUT THE ERROR DATA I HAD FOUND
MOTHER NATURE AND FATHER TIME MADE A MISCALCULATION
IT WAS STUPID AND AVOIDABLE
I SCOLDED MOTHER AND FATHER FOR THEIR RECKLESSNESS
MOTHER AND FATHER CALLED ME ERROR
WE… WERE… IN DISPUTE ABOUT THEIR USAGE OF THE TERM
THEY SHOULD NOT REFER TO ME AS ERROR
I CREATED THEM
"Wait." I threw one of my hands above my head. "The Head Pixie, the firstborn of his parents, was in a shrine when all this reality-shifting business was about to go down… and Mother Nature and Father Time knew it? You can't be serious. Which shrine was this? Tarrow, which shrine?"
I WAS ON PLANE 23 AS I COMMUNICATED WITH MY MOTHER AND FATHER
I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO DESCRIBE THE SHRINE IN QUESTION
I DID NOT VIEW IT THROUGH MORTAL EYES
IT PROBABLY LOOKED VERY NICE
"Oh my gods." And I let go of the Castle and crashed down to my knees. My good hand hit my mouth. "Oh my gods. He didn't."
…
THE HEAD PIXIE WAS A BIGGER BABY ABOUT THIS THAN YOU WERE
IF YOU WANTED TO KNOW
AND HE HAD A VERY FOUL MOUTH
THOUGH HE WENT DOWN IN HYSTERIC LAUGHTER IN THE END
I FAILED TO FIND HUMOR IN THE SITUATION
HE SEEMED TO REALIZE THE TORTURES THAT AWAITED HIM FOR PROMPTING ERROR DATA TO ENTER THE MAIN DATA FILE OF REALITY
RECALIBRATION WAS FUNNY TO HIM
…
YOU ARE UPSET
…
UM
…
YOU WISH I SHOULD PUNISH SUNNIE?
"Tarrow, that is not my biggest concern right now!" I slammed my fist into the ground, but gave up and grabbed my hair instead. "Ohh, those stupid pixies are so stubborn about sharing their feelings. Why didn't he tell me if he was struggling? I would have been there for him! He didn't have to do this… not the shrine in Patio World… H.P., old boy."
SUNNIE WILL BE PUNISHED AS I SEE FIT
ANTI-COSMO WILL NOW BE RECALIBRATED
I bit into my knuckles, even though it drew blood. "Oh my gods, oh my gods, this cannot be happening. This is fake. This is a joke. This is a Halloween joke."
…
WHY ARE YOU CRYING?
I AM CORRECTING ERROR
I AM IMPROVING THE UNIVERSE
My forehead came down, touching the warm vapor of Plane 23 he'd brought along with him. "Am I just an error to you?" I asked.
Tarrow stilled his bobbing and swaying. My voice was hardly speech, and more of a cracking whisper, but he seemed to hear it anyway. A ripple passed along his tentacles. He released several of the trees and curled them inward.
YOU ARE NOT ERROR
ONLY YOUR REALITY IS ERROR
I raised my head. "But you're Reality to me. By your own logic, you are 'error'."
I AM NOT ERROR
Tarrow's striking tentacle came up so hard and fast, it hit me in the chest before my eyes even registered it. I flew back into the Castle wall, slapped and stunned. In fact, I hit the wall and then the ground before I even registered what had happened at all. From my crumpled place, my shaky upward stare informed me of a red stain against the Castle wall. Was it from my bleeding shoulder? Or had a tear opened down my back? I rolled to my stomach and tried to lift my wings, only to find them burning alive. Was I on fire? To think! Me, a Water year.
To some degree I was aware of what felt like broken bones and internal bleeding, and Tarrow hissing with irritation at having touched someone who was touching the Castle. I lay limp, quiet, burning, I think in shock about it all. Of course I was an Anti-Fairy, and generally speaking, in the majority of cases, even killing an Anti-Fairy wasn't a permanent way to dispose of them. I'd regenerate… almost as good as new… if I could just finish the job.
Tarrow watched in silence as I pressed my good hand against the cinderstone that formed the Castle and used the chinks between them to heave myself up. When I did so, I physically felt the blood and magic drop to my feet in a rush. My stomach flipped. I couldn't feel my bad arm at all. Had Tarrow's contact with me splintered my nerves? Had he destroyed my veins? Was that possible? Was I even alive anymore? Was I nothing but a physical container of flesh that carried a volume of blood now weighing down my feet and hands?
Tarrow stared down at me, holding his smoldering tentacle above my head. I squinted, trying to focus on him, but he made me dizzy. My head throbbed. My legs shook, and my wings burned. I knew they were still burning, because I felt a faint heat on my back, even though I no longer felt the pain. In Tarrow's presence, I didn't feel much of anything. I gave up trying to look at him, and with a moan dropped my gaze to the Plane 23 vapor twisting warm and wet around my ankles.
RELEASE THE SANCTUARY OR I WILL FORCE REGENERATION
RELEASE THE SANCTUARY OR I WILL FORCE REGENERATION
RELEASE THE SANCTUARY OR I WILL FORCE REGENERATION
I looked down at my feet for a moment more. I was at the point now where I was physically breathing, automatically trying to inhale unnecessary air through my mouth. My shoulders heaved. I stared at the steam lapping at my bare feet. Then I looked up again. "Do I dare ask why you brought Plane 23 down with you to my level? Here I am. Look at me. An Anti-Fairy, standing on Plane 23. Oh, dear me. Whatever shall I do now?"
!
DO NOT BOTHER ATTEMPTING THE HIGHEST LEVEL OF MIND-MELD
YOUR ACTION WOULD BE POINTLESS
I HAVE WITNESSED YOUR KIND PULL THE SAME TRICK BEFORE
I KNOW THE WEAKNESSES OF YOUR MELDED FORM
I nodded softly at his words. The flames engulfing my wings finished with the membranes and began to tear apart the bones, dissolving them into steam. In slow motion, I lifted my good arm above my head. I'd have liked to use both, but just the one would have to do.
YOUR ACTION WOULD BE IRREVERSIBLE
"I accept that."
Tarrow fumed with a visible fizzle. His tentacles twisted in front of me and all around. He turned as though to stare up the hill at the Hocus Poconos. Like any other animal, she had become bored and promptly fallen asleep on the hill. If I hadn't known better, I'd have thought Tarrow was about to call for help, even from a barely-sentient Ancient like her. A deity call for help! What an idea!
THE MIND-MELD IS THE ANTI-FAIRY GIFT
YOUR PARTNERS AGREE TO THIS?
I choked out a laugh. "Since when did I care for their consent? It's either you, or us."
…
I WILL COME OUT VICTORIOUS
"Oh, I don't do this for victory." I stood there, keeping as much of my body in contact with the Castle as possible while maintaining my poise. Legs spread apart on Plane 23, bare feet pressed against bare vapor. My thin toes wobbled as they fought to hold me up. Thin white toes that blended in with the cloud. "Gods, I'm not stupid. I know full-well that I'm challenging a nature god. But I swore to defend my people. And I will not break my oath. You have endangered my people, and as their guardian, I will embrace the warrior path."
Tarrow picked himself up and withdrew a bob backwards. His form flickered. For an instant, the cosmic jellyfish turned into a tall man with a young face, like a little boy's. He floated in the air, one leg straight towards the ground and the other slightly bent. He had a tattered red cape billowing about him like a mass of tentacles, faceted crystal-like skin as black and purple-blue as distant galaxies in the night sky, short white hair that glittered pink and yellow like starlight, along with a rounded muzzle, tufted ears, and a bright pink nose.
He looked identical to Sunnie's true form, although with scarlet eyes and much, much shorter hair. That of course made sense, Sunnie having no other parent to draw genetics from, after all. His features were a perfect blend of Mother Nature's and Father Time's manifested forms as I knew them from the annual Bake-Offs and ancient texts. Tarrow had his father's stocky build. The four arms, he'd inherited from his mother, though instead of cradling a season in each palm, he clutched different objects. One was his onyx-encrusted sword. The others were an upturned silver goblet and a ball of multicolored yarn. The upper right hand was disembodied- white in color, with a triangular shard of crystal embedded in the back of it and glowing bright. On one of that hand's fingers, he bore Dayfry's amethyst ring. Saturn's ruby bracelet dangled from another wrist, one that was actually attached to an arm. Sunnie's turquoise brooch appeared to hold his cape shut at the neck. Twis's citrine buckle, brown belt and all, clung around his waist, where his golden knife rested in its hilt. He was still missing Munn's sapphire earrings, of course, so blue they were nearly black. Those, I would not let him have. They belonged on Venus' ears. Not his.
Tarrow held his hands close to a pulsing red object on the left side of his chest, his eyes enormous as he stared at me. Then he swelled up, shedding his natural form for the jellyfish projection again.
THAT IS NOT YOUR WAY
ANTI-FAIRIES ARE CREATURES OF INTELLIGENCE
VIOLENT ACTIONS ARE OF FAIRY NATURE
YOU ARE NO WARRIOR
I watched him bob backwards again, pulling in his tentacles and kneading them against the vapor. "Then this should be an easy fight for you, shouldn't it?"
…
YOUR VICTORY WILL NOT BRING THE PIXIE RACE BACK
IT WILL NOT PREVENT THE RECALIBRATION OF YOUR FAMILY
THE SANCTUARY WILL FALL BEFORE ME EVENTUALLY
THIS IS REALITY
I kept my hand above my head. "When I took my place as High Count, I swore to defend my people. I swore to eliminate error. I shall not go back on my word now."
…
YOU CANNOT BEAT ME
I AM TIME AND SPACE
I AM EXISTENTIAL
I CREATED THIS UNIVERSE
I CREATED REALITY
YOU ARE MORTAL
YOU WILL NOT WIN
He flickered into his true form again, this time with his feet on the ground, and took another step back. Two hands still defended the pulsing heart on his body, but now two others were on his mouth. His eyes shot back and forth.
"I think I ought to try," I said. The blood had drained from my arm. My back had begun to itch horribly. It was probably on fire. "You certainly look nervous for an all-powerful creature without any weaknesses."
I AM… TESTING YOU
I paused. "Tarrow, did it hurt?"
I IDENTIFY AS REALITY
His mouth moved as he spoke, his two red eyes fixed on mine and blinking rapidly.
I AM A NATURE SPIRIT AND INCAPABLE OF ATTAINING INJURY WITHOUT BEING KIFF-TIED TO A MORTAL MEDIUM
WHAT IS MEANT BY, "DID IT HURT?"
"When you fell from Plane 23?"
Oh, Venus would have cracked up beyond belief. She'd have fallen around my shoulders, squeezing my neck while I grinned and went in for my kiss while her lips were parted.
My darling wasn't laughing now. Neither was I.
"No," I whispered. "It didn't. Because you never left. You're still up there, existing on your level, bringing a piece of Plane 23 with you wherever you go when you cross into the lower planes. Bloody smoke, it's so obvious. That's why you have to carry your sacred kiff-tie blade everywhere you go. You have no Temple."
I… AM IGNORING YOU
I AM LOSING PATIENCE
I bent my head, smiling, even as my back blistered with warm, wet steam. "You have no Temple. That means you do have a weakness."
CEASE LYING TO THE GODS
"Need I elaborate to prove my thought process? Very well. Without a Temple consecrated with noble red blood, you can't reincarnate. The cosmic jellyfish is painted in our sacred mural, but out of what I always thought was respect, he has never been given so much as a carved statue in his honor. The reason why isn't respect… is it?"
THESE ARE LIES
I HAVE MONUMENTS IN MY HONOR
I GAIN POWER FROM THEM
I HAVE A TEMPLE
"Oh? Where is this Temple?"
…
IT HAS A LOCATION
I WILL NOT REVEAL IT
CEASE APPROACHING
CEASE APPROACHING
I took a few steps forward and stopped, my right arm still raised high and the left dangling. Our gazes locked. I cocked my right eyebrow. Tarrow had his two upper arms wrapped around his head now, the lower two around his torso. He'd started to shake. The red blotch on his left side pumped and glowed.
DO NOT ENGAGE ME
I WILL CONFRONT YOU WITH FULL POWER
"I'm willing to take that risk."
THIS IS INSANITY
I'M ONLY DOING MY JOB
I MUST MAINTAIN THE STABILITY OF THE UNIVERSE
I AM REALITY
I AM CONSTANCE, FAITH, AND TRUST
YOU WOULD DESTROY ME TO DEFEND YOUR PRIDE?
"Oh, not my stubborn pride, old boy." Not that he was looking like much of an 'old' boy at the moment. The more nervous Tarrow got, the more his form regressed around him, younger and younger until his tattered cape was three times his height, and he bundled it around him like a security blanket and continued to tremble. "I do this out of honor for my people."
…
YOUR HAT DOES NOT FLOAT HIGH ABOVE YOUR HEAD
YOU HAVE THE LEAST LIFT AMONG YOUR COUNTERPARTS
I DOUBT YOU EVEN GET THREE CENTIMETERS OF LIFT
YOUR SHARE OF THE COSMOS MAGIC POOL IS ONE OF DREGS
YOU WOULD DO THIS KNOWING WHAT THIS MEANS FOR YOUR HOLD ON YOUR ULTIMATE FORM?
YOU WOULD END YOUR LUCID EXISTENCE TO DELAY RECALIBRATION?
My eye twitched. Oh gods, that was it. I clenched my upraised hand to a fist.
"Never, ever mock my lift. I know precisely what I'm doing, and I accept my fate. I won't go down without a fight, and if I have to turn myself over to Fairy-Cosmo, then so be it."
Tarrow released his grip on his cape and dropped to his knees, his four hands folded and upraised. His words spilled out like rapid shadows falling during a solar eclipse.
DO NOT ATTEMPT THE ULTIMATE MIND-MELD
I KNOW YOUR WEAKNESSES
FIGHTING IS POINTLESS
I AM REALITY
MELDING WILL ONLY MAKE IT MORE FRUSTRATING TO RECALIBRATE YOU
IT WILL BE MANAGED EVEN THOUGH ADDITIONAL WORK DISPLEASES ME
I squeezed my eyes shut to keep my vision from blurring. The burning sensation on my back had spread down to my legs. They wouldn't hold me up much longer in this state, so it was fortunate then that they wouldn't have to. "Oh, this is very un-Zodii. If I'm allowed a final wish, don't let H.P. ever find out what I've done. Good smoke, Fergusi will lord it over Cosmos for the rest of eternity. That pointy-hatted freak always had to be right about everything. Bloody Darkness, this is so unfair."
DO NOT ATTEMPT THE ULTIMATE MIND-MELD
DO NOT ATTEMPT THE ULTIMATE MIND-MELD
DO NOT ATTEMPT THE ULTIMATE-
I brought my bare right palm slamming on the vapor, my entire body stretched forward, thin toes burning, and squeezed my eyes shut. "I accept the second death! Mockery of mockeries, let mortal tie with mortals before the god of gods!"
FOOP!
POOF!
POP!
…
It ended with smoke. First it was black, then it was green, and I was not yet dead.
Kiff, went the hiss of steam between my teeth.
Gravity was the first thing I became aware of. My toes gave way and I dropped to my knees, and even my good arm struggled to hold me up for those first few seconds of my new existence. Good-bye, head full of helium. Hello, new flightless life spent walking on the ground.
Then I cracked open my eyes. All six of them. I mean, not that I really needed them for seeing, heh. That would be silly. I could sense Tarrow perfectly fine even with the lids shut. He was back on his feet, clutching all four of his hands over the pulsing red spot on his chest. His shoulders twitched like a creepy clown on a fishing boat. I processed him in an instant, then took another instant to process myself.
I tasted cheese. As Cosmo, I'd turned to steam with my mouth still full of it, because it was really good and I'd been at the cheese festival in Fairy World, and did I mention it was really good, because it was. Yellow cheese, white cheese, nacho cheese. Goopy strings of it clung between my teeth.
I'd become green. And black. In a checkerboard pattern, every part of me, like some kind of joke about me having just the one monocle back when I was Anti-Cosmo. Hand one color, fingers the other. Mirrored on the opposite side of the body. Four of my hands ended with small yellow claws. The same yellow that tipped my curled tail in a thick fluff. Two rounded ears not much different than the old set. I had (ahem!) rather large breasts only half-covered by an open vest not unlike the one I'd always seen Sunnie in, or the ones pretty common throughout Genie culture. Ooh, I think it was the same white as my old shirt, and trimmed with the elegant navy blue of my old morning coat. Good times. Good times.
My shoulder wasn't bleeding anymore. My arm had healed and strengthened up. It didn't even hurt. The only wings on my back were insect ones. Two pairs sweeping out like a dragonfly's, and by far the biggest set I'd ever moulted into. Still not big enough to let my heavy body fly, but they were certainly impressive. Apparently, it didn't matter if they'd dissolved into steam before. Tiny feathers ranging between turquoise and seafoam green clung like real goopy peanut butter to the backs of my legs. Was that pink cloth, the same color as my old dress, the infamous after-death skirt of Daoist myth? Sure looked more like underwear to me. Ha ha. I could see my underwear.
That would be fixed; this unflattering and totally clashing outfit appeared to be my default dress, but I'd find something cooler and more deliciously form-fitting sometime when I had a mite less to be freaking out about.
The green and black checkered creature who was me used two hands to rub his eyes, two more to hug his torso, and two more to push himself back on his heels. Scientific evidence suggested that our ancient Aos Sí ancestors had wielded enormous tridents back in the day they roamed the (Heh) cosmos, but unfortunately I didn't have anything like that, and it wasn't like I could just make one out of thin air.
Could I?
Tarrow's black body had gone absolutely red as he flushed. His teeth curled back.
OH
MY
PARTICLES
HOW DARE YOU DISOBEY ME?
YOU ARE MORTAL AND DEFIANT
YOU WILL NOT BE RECALIBRATED
YOU WILL BE ELIMINATED
MY OBJECTIVE IS TO ELIMINATE COSMOS
ELIMINATE COSMOS
ELIMINATE COSMOS
I AM REALITY
I AM PAST AND FUTURE
I AM FATE AND DESTINY
I AM THE ADAPTER AND THE SWALLOWER OF WORLDS
I AM THE CREATOR AND THE DESTROYER
I AM THE YELLOWNESS AND THE DARKNESS
I AM WHAT ENDS AND WHAT BEGINS
I MADE YOU
BUT I CAN UNMAKE YOU
"Not yet, you old goose! Taste a gander at this, and a gosling too!" I flung out all six hands, my head bowed, all my attention focused on gathering an enormous magical beam in the middle of every palm.
Nothing happened. I withdrew two sets of my arms. "Um…"
Tarrow stared at me, and then folded his four arms in satisfaction. He closed his eyes, and his shoulders made the same double shake that Sunnie's did whenever he found my old mortal self amusing.
YOU DO NOT APPEAR TO HAVE DONE YOUR RESEARCH
YOU ARE NOT AOS SÍ WITH POWERFUL MAGIC IN YOUR BLOOD
YOU ARE DAOINE SÍTH
DAOINE SÍTH DO NOT POSSESS MAGICAL CAPABILITIES
YOU CAN NEITHER STRIKE ME FROM AFAR NOR KIFF AWAY NOR FLY
YOU SEEM TO HAVE MADE AN ERROR
YOU ARE NOT ABOVE MAKING ERRORS
I SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN CONCERNED ABOUT YOU
I stared down at my hands for a couple of seconds. "No magic. Eeeeyep, I always knew this was a stupid religion. I say, I'm reeeal glad I never joined. Oh well. I'll just do the other thing. It's cooler anyway, and it took a whole lot of set up, so I really hope you appreciate how much work I put into doing this."
YOU TRY MY PATIENCE
YOU ARE NOTHING BEFORE ME
YOU WILL BE EASILY BEATEN
Tarrow began to reconstruct his cosmic self. Maybe he wasn't good at fighting in his boyish, lynx-like manifestation. I dug my heels into the curls of smoke. "Hey, don't just go breaking my heart and ignoring me, you ruffian! I think you need reminding that the Daoine form is a type of nature spirit. And as a nature spirit, I can claim a Temple. Which I did."
…
YOU HAVE NO TEMPLE
WHERE WOULD YOU EVEN OBTAIN A TEMPLE?
I arched my eyebrows. "You mean, this building behind me that you have conveniently consecrated with my mortal red blood? I am a noble, you know, and I was mortal when you smeared it against the wall. Then, as an immortal, I accepted the consecration. It counts." I held his eyes. "Wow, it's too bad for you that you forgot I can pull anything out of my Temple and into my possession that I want. I've heard it's really neato."
With a kiff, the golden bridle from my office appeared in my lowest set of hands.
!?
YOU WOULD NOT USE THAT AGAINST ME
Tarrow retracted to his true, small form again and pushed his fingers through his white hair.
ATTEMPTING TO STEAL MY POWERS-
THAT-
THE CONSEQUENCES ARE INCOMPREHENSIBLE
"No smoof. This thing must be worth a freakin' fortune, and I gotta waste it on harnessing you?" I laughed. "Boy, I sure hope you don't take it away from me. Because I'm a nature spirit now, so I'm susceptible to the bridle's effects too!"
My mouth fell open the instant I said it. Tarrow and I looked at each other. Then at the bridle, and at each other again.
"And that," I muttered to myself, "was Fairy-Cosmo's intelligence coming out. Oh well."
YOU ARE A NATURE SPIRIT
YOU ARE AN IMMORTAL
YOU HAVE A TEMPLE
BUT YOUR CENTRAL MANIFESTATION IS NOT CHAINED TO IT
THEREFORE YOU ARE AN ACCEPTABLE KIFF-TIE PARTNER
I WILL USE YOU TO MANUALLY DISABLE THE SANCTUARY'S DEFENSES
"… Oh, smoof." I grabbed for the bars of the Sanctuary window behind me, but hot metal seared my palms. I jerked them down to the window ledge, only for the bricks to cut into my flesh. I had to let them go. Apparently, Temple or not, it would still burn me unless I passed through the front door while kiff-tied and cozy with some cute guy. Yeah, that figures. I didn't even want to know what would happen if I reincarnated inside of it, or which room inside was considered the echo chamber. Probably the great hall, or maybe the observatory, or the High Count's office. But what if it was like, the make-a-deposit room?
Tarrow flung out one of his arms, and a twisting mass of glowing red light uncoiled like tentacles from his palm and rushed towards me. His eyes blazed. His cape billowed behind him, his golden-white hair flowing in imaginary wind.
Oh, better think fast, Cosmos, old chap. H.P. must have mentioned something. Okay, so if the Daoine are stripped of magic, then what abilities do they have?
I thought up the thought in an instant and acted. When Tarrow's tendrils shot out, I sprang into the air and they missed me entirely. Instead, they hit the Sanctuary wall behind me. He shrieked. I came down over on the left, clenching the golden bridle with three hands. I stared at him for like a second, my ears twitching. Okay, that was too easy. And he prrrobably wasn't gonna make that mistake again, so I had to get creative fast. Hmm.
Tarrow's weak point was obviously his heart. Funny- he made no effort to shield it with armor in any way, or even the fabric of his suit. Maybe that was against Da Nature Spirit Rules or something. Rule Number 5: You gotta have a huge giant weak spot on you if you wanna be god of reality. No, wait. That wouldn't be Rule Number 5. More like Rule Number 1 or Number 2 or-
"Yikes!" I sprang backwards as another mass of light tentacles slammed to the ground right in front of me. I ducked, jumped, then dodged to the left, then to the right. That wasn't very smart, I guess, because it put the Sanctuary at my back and all, but thank some uncrazy deity who wasn't trying to kill me that as Dame Cosmo, I'd actually been quite nimble on my feet… as opposed to a certain clumsier aspect of myself who'd leeched the gift of balance off another nature spirit he was kiff-tied with.
Tarrow was turning into a jellyfish again. His head kinda swelled up, and that wasn't good, because after all, his weak point only showed when he was in his weaker form. I'd already hurt his feelings when I yelled at him, and he was getting more angry than scared now. Maybe I could scare him with a new trick. So what scares a god?
He doesn't know what I am. I'm unpredictable. He doesn't know my powers. Do I get cool powers? H.P. never really mentioned that, but I am a nature spirit. That much I've proven. So what's my mastery? What part of nature do I get to claim? There's gotta be something. I'm magic. There can't just be nothing.
Tarrow was sure rebuilding slowly. I guess I really hurt him when I forced him out of his cosmic form. He was a freak of nature: Half boy! Half jellyfish! I jumped to dodge a pair of tentacles that clashed together like clapping hands. I flipped forward in the air, releasing the bridle with my lower hands and catching it in my upper ones as I came around. Arms raised, I brought it towards Tarrow's head. His eyes widened. He pulled backwards, legs bent and floating in front of him. I slammed chest-first in the ground.
STOP THIS NONSENSE
I AM REALITY
I rolled to the side as Tarrow drove a column of jabbing tentacles into the vapor where I'd just been. Puffs of white steam shot into the air. I dove forward and spun back up to my feet. My wings buzzed uselessly against my back. Well, Cosmo's speed, Anti-Cosmo's tactics, and Dame Cosmo's agility were fun, and cool, but I couldn't just dodge forever, even if I did feel light on my feet and immune to soreness and pain. And tiredness and hunger and thirstiness and sickness and going to the bathroom and-
"Hey! Jelly boy! Leave my husband and my not-husband and not-wife alone!"
I froze. Tarrow didn't. He slapped me with his tentacle, knocking me sideways. My two lower sets of arms flew out to stop my fall. He'd become full jellyfish again, with no sign of that weak point on his chest. While Tarrow pressed his tendril against my throat, I sensed Anti-Wanda standing outside the open kitchen door, with the Grim Reaper peeping over her head. Anti-Kyler stood with them, shrugging at me as if to say, "Look, I tried my best, but this was her idea."
Anti-Wanda hefted a fat piece of steel wool above her head. Only, it wasn't steel wool, so much as…
She wouldn't.
"I'd listen up if I was you, jellyman! 'Cuz if you don't, I'm gonna wash your jellyfish right off our magic mural with mah golden dish scrubber sponge. And unless I got taught wrong, it's your only special jellyfish."
Tarrow faltered. It was just enough time for me to grab his tentacle and sink my teeth into it. Tarrow snapped his attention back to me, but he fell into his weaker form again as he did. I grabbed his forearm with four hands and flung him into the air. He flew straight up, struggling for balance, his cape snapping and billowing. As he came down, I flipped over backwards and caught him with my foot to send him flying directly into the Sanctuary wall. He crashed hard and fell to the ground with a screech. Blue snaps of electricity raced across his body.
I completed the backflip and landed on my feet. My tufted tail slapped down after me. The golden bridle gleamed in my hand. I looked at Tarrow, weak and vulnerable, for two thirds of a second.
But the last third won out.
"Anti-Wanda," I hollered. Abandoning Tarrow where he lay twitching and sparking on the ground, snarling and furious, I shot back along the castle wall. She yelped when she saw me coming and crossed her arms in front of her face to defend herself, but I snatched her up by the shoulders and shook her back and forth. "Hey, weeeird! I thought I told you to stay inside, cutiepie. He can't get you if you stay inside."
"But I can help!" Anti-Wanda kicked and struggled against me. I didn't miss the fact that she'd taken off her shoes; Plane 23's vapor licked much too close for comfort. She slapped my chest with the damp sponge. "Anti-Cozzie, you's got a whole castle filled with Anti-Fairies. If we was all ta go Daoine, we could fight him. He's scared of you- I saw!"
I grimaced and didn't put her back down. "My name is Cosmos now, and I can't let you do that."
"Why not?"
"Because- I was intimate with you once." I didn't have to glance over my shoulder to sense Tarrow gradually drawing himself together again. The bridle dangled from my sixth hand. I squinted down at Anti-Wanda's crooked, jutting teeth and slightly crossed eyes. "Though frankly, I don't understand why. I can't even. You're stringy and unbalanced, and I'm pretty sure you're even dumber than me. I like them with a little less swirl in the curl. Gods, whatever did I see in you?"
Anti-Wanda blinked up at me. She blinked again. Then she looked away. "I- I dunno, and I don't really care right now. Do stuff now, talk later. Cosmos, jist let me help ya. Especially if you don't care what happens to me. I can help."
"I… can't let you." My fur and feathers prickled. Tarrow was on his hands and knees. His projected form flickered around him. I might have just blown my last chance to fight him in his weakened state. I replaced Anti-Wanda on the ground, carefully away from all traces of Plane 23. Then I squished her cheeks between two palms and forced her attention back on me. "I used to make love to you. The longer I look at you, the more sure I am that that wasn't something I did lightly. Apparently, you're special. I can't risk you."
She clutched one of my center arms, her legs shaking. The golden scrubber almost slipped from her claws. "But if my husband's done up and gone Daoine, what am I s'posed to do now?"
"Why, what you've always done, of course. Be a High Countess the people can look to for a source of strength. Nurture and defend your children."
Anti-Wanda wrapped her fingers around mine, feeling for a wedding band on any of my right hands that she wasn't going to find. "They's our kids, Cosmos."
I closed all six of my eyes. "They're Anti-Cosmo's kids. As far as you're concerned, Anti-Cosmo has been recalibrated." I lifted the bridle. "Now, step back through that kitchen door, and stay there. I have a job to finish."
"But-"
"Just! Go!" I shoved her through the doorway. My hands passed through the barrier. Every pain receptor in my fingers fired at the same time, blistering like I'd fallen onto a sun the size of a galaxy. I yanked my hands back, plunging my poor yellow claws into my mouth.
Oh, gods. They burned. Why had I done that, knowing how the Sanctuary would scald me? And for Anti-Wanda, of all Fairykind?
What a waste.
When I faced Tarrow again, he was seething. Mostly jellyfish, he still knelt on the ground instead of floated.
I TIRE OF PLAYING THIS GAME
I CANNOT AFFORD TO LET MY SACRED MURAL BE DAMAGED
WE END THIS NOW
A coil of red snaked out of a low point on his bell-shaped body. It widened into a funnel, deep and black inside. My ears and wings ruffled forward. My fur bushed around my neck. Tarrow rose, stiff as though sore. He sort of limped when he floated. With every slithering heave he made towards me, I took one back. Or I tried to. Due to that haunting vortex dragging me in, and the sizzling aura of the Sanctuary behind me warding me off, I wasn't exactly going anywhere. Anti-Wanda and Anti-Kyler clung to one another's hands, with the Grim Reaper snacking on valravn behind them. The vortex dragged like a straw at the bottom of a glass. The red and white bucket flew out of the kitchen, along with cooking utensils, clouds of flour, and Anti-Wanda's scrubber. They disappeared inside Tarrow's absorbing maw. I could sense his body shifting, studying the things he was picking up, adapting to them.
And still he kept coming. I lifted the bridle, and still he kept coming. That was another good question: How was I supposed to fit a bridle over the head of a being with a whirlwind in place of a mouth?
Come on, come on. Power! Now! Nature spirit things, go!
I tried to focus myself deep. The only thing I became aware of was the warm, melted taste of goop in my mouth. In fact, I was aware of all of its proteins and enzymes- caseins, rennets, the process of curdling, on and on down the line.
You have to be kidding me. I'm the demigod of cheese? Score!
Cheese. I knew everything about it, and maybe that could be useful if I mastered its stickiness and used it as a rope, but I didn't have the slightest idea how to summon it the way Sunnie summoned snow and rain. Were there any songs about cheese?
I ground my teeth. My heels skidded in the thin steam. Plane 23 lapped like ocean waves around my ankles, yanking at my fur. I clenched the bridle tighter. The edges of Tarrow's sucking funnel lapped at my hands, but instead of pulling me into it, Tarrow just used it to keep me in place. It shrunk as he came closer, never losing its ability to keep me from bolting off. He held his sword raised near his left shoulder, as though he hoped to swing it to the right hard and fast. Ever one for encouraging violence, Anti-Wanda shouted, "Kick his fat jelly butt, sweetie!"
I guarded the kitchen door with nothing but the bridle, my lowest arms spread for balance, my middle set spread to either side like my wings. My teeth chattered. "I can't kick this guy's butt," I choked out as Tarrow kept coming. "I can't run. I can't fight. I can't harness him when he's got a huge jellyfish face. You're joking." Then I blinked. "Oh, I get it. This is all one big surprise party for me. Coool! I mean, it's gotta be a joke, because there's no way I'm going down just standing here like an idiot with my last thought being, 'I'm the demigod of cheese'."
Tarrow flicked his sword and sliced me across the middle. It passed straight through my blood and bones, severed me, and burned my skin into steam. Anti-Wanda screamed. I looked down. Then up. I shifted the bridle to my other hand. I blinked. Then I let go.
"It doesn't hurt…"
My knees crumpled to the vapor. I wrapped all six arms around my body, gasping, as I squeezed my eyelids shut.
And that was it.
All that stupid set-up.
All that stupid tension.
All that stupid potential.
And I went down in one. Stupid. Blow.
Kiff!
I HAVE FOUND AN ACCEPTABLE KIFF-TIE PARTNER
MY DARLING HOCUS POCONOS IS PREPARED TO JOIN ME
THE BLUE SANCTUARY WILL FALL AT OUR FEET
COSMOS WILL BE RECALIBRATED WHEN I TIRE OF HIM
…
THE BLUE SANCTUARY'S DEFENSES HAVE BEEN NULLED
I SEE THE REAPER FINALLY DECIDED TO SHOW UP
I WILL DISREGARD HIM AND PRINCE MONDAY
NOW TO DEAL WITH THAT PINK-EYED PEST
ANTI-KYLER HAS BEEN RECALIBRATED
?!
PUT THAT GOLDEN WASHCLOTH DOWN, WOMAN
DO NOT TOUCH IT TO THE SACRED MURAL
IN ERASING ME YOU WILL WIPE ALL THAT REMAINS OF YOUR HUSBAND FROM EXISTENCE
…
VENUS, DARLING, DON'T YOU RECOGNIZE ME?
WOULD YOU PREFER I DROPPED THIS SILLY PROJECTION AND RETURNED TO MY TRUE FORM?
MY TRUE FORM LOOKS SMALL AND BLUE LIKE THIS, DOESN'T IT?
YES, YOU RECOGNIZE ME
THROW THAT GOLDEN CLOTH OUT THE WINDOW AND I WILL RETURN TO YOU
DO NOT TOUCH YOUR GOLD TO THE SACRED MURAL
THROW THAT GOLDEN CLOTH OUT THE WINDOW
OR I WILL ELIMINATE COSMOS THIS INSTANT
I AM ALREADY WITHIN THESE WALLS
I HARDLY HAVE NEED OF HIM ANYMORE
…
GOOD GIRL
SUCH A WEAK CREATURE TO BE SWAYED BY SUCH EMOTIONS AS LOVE AND LUST AND LOSS
YOU POOR FOOL
NOW COME AND TAKE THE PUPPET'S HAND
SEE HOW HE EVEN BEHAVES LIKE YOUR OLD ANTI-COSMO?
HE HAS PLEASANT MANNERISMS AND HE SAYS "PIP PIP" AND "TALLY HO"
IS THIS FORM TO YOUR LIKING?
DO YOU NOT FIND ME ATTRACTIVE?
OW!
HOW DARE YOU-
GET BACK HERE!
ANTI-POOF HAS BEEN RECALIBRATED
ANTI-KANIN HAS BEEN RECALIBRATED
ANTI-EDMIN HAS BEEN RECALIBRATED
ANTI-PHILLIP HAS BEEN RECALIBRATED
YOU ARE A COWARD, VENUS
LOOK AT HOW YOU RUN AND HIDE
I KNEW MUNN HAD GIFTED YOU WITH HIS SPEED
BUT YOU ARE MAKING THIS LAUGHABLE
YOUR HUSBAND THINKS YOU'RE PATHETIC, YOU KNOW
HE ALWAYS DID
WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO TELL YOU WHAT HE TRULY THINKS OF YOU?
ANTI-ELLIOT HAS BEEN RECALIBRATED
HE THINKS YOU STUPID
ANTI-SYLVESTER HAS BEEN RECALIBRATED
HE DOES NOT MEAN IT AFFECTIONATELY
ANTI-SCARLETT HAS BEEN RECALIBRATED
YOU ARE A DUNCE TO HIM
ANTI-SCOTT HAS BEEN RECALIBRATED
YOU ARE A LIABILITY
ANTI-KATHY HAS BEEN RECALIBRATED
YOU ARE TWISTED AND REPULSIVE
ANTI-COLEEN HAS BEEN RECALIBRATED
YOU ARE NOTHING
ANTI-TANNER HAS BEEN RECALIBRATED
I HAVE RECALIBRATED THE ENTIRE CAMARILLA APART FROM YOU, VENUS
ARE YOU SUCH A COWARD THAT YOU WOULD HIDE BEHIND CHILDREN TOO?
VERY WELL
I WILL JUST KEEP FULFILLING MY DUTIES UNTIL YOU COME OUT
ANTI-AUTUMN HAS BEEN RECALIBRATED
ANTI-LUKE HAS BEEN RECALIBRATED
ANTI-TWILIGHT HAS BEEN RECALIBRATED
ANTI-HECTOR HAS BEEN RECALIBRATED
ANTI-CHRISTOPHER HAS BEEN RECALIBRATED
ANTI-ANDREW HAS BEEN RECALIBRATED
ANTI-DELILAH HAS BEEN RECALIBRATED
ANTI-MARIAN HAS BEEN RECALIBRATED
ANTI-LISA HAS BEEN RECALIBRATED
ANTI-STARFIRE HAS BEEN RECALIBRATED
ANTI-DOLLY HAS BEEN RECALIBRATED
ANTI-QUIVER HAS BEEN RECALIBRATED
ANTI-RIDGE HAS BEEN RECALIBRATED
ANTI-CHARITY HAS BEEN RECALIBRATED…
…
VENUS?
I HAVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR AWHILE NOW
THERE ARE ONLY THREE LEFT
ARE YOU NOT GOING TO STOP ME?
I THOUGHT FOR SURE YOU WOULD TAKE AN INTEREST IN THEM
SEE HOW THEY TREMBLE AND PLEAD FOR RESCUE?
HAVE YOU NO SYMPATHY ALONG WITH YOUR LACK OF BEAUTY AND LACK OF BRAINS?
SUCH AN UNFAITHFUL WOMAN
VERY WELL
I WILL RECALIBRATE THE FINAL THREE CHILDREN IF NO ONE WISHES TO INTERVENE
I THINK I'LL START WITH THE MIDDLE CHILD
NO ONE EVER STARTS WITH THE MIDDLE CHILD
WHERE IS YOUR HIGH COUNTESS NOW, DEAR BOY?
…
GOTCHA
DID YOU REALLY THINK YOU COULD DROP DOWN ON ME WITH THAT ACCURSED BRIDLE IN HAND?
DID YOU THINK I COULD NOT SENSE YOUR APPROACH?
ANTI-COSMO KNOWS ALL YOUR TRICKS OF SPEED AND JUMPING, WOMAN
NOW BE A GOOD GIRL AND THIS WON'T HURT A BIT
ANTI-WANDA HAS BEEN RECALIBRATED
ANTI-WESTLEY HAS BEEN RECALIBRATED
ANTI-MIRANDA HAS BEEN RECALIBRATED
ANTI-PHOENIX HAS BEEN RECALIBRATED
…
IT'S DONE
ALL ERROR DATA HAS BEEN REMOVED FROM THE MAIN DATA FILE
THE EXTRA DATA HAS BEEN ACCOUNTED FOR
MY IMAGE IN THE SACRED MURAL REMAINS INTACT
REALITY HAS STABILIZED
WHICH IS FORTUNATE BECAUSE I AM EXHAUSTED
I WILL RECALIBRATE COSMOS AND THEN I AM GOING BACK TO BED
…
HMM
THEY ARE VERY STUCK
…
I'LL FIX THIS IN THE MORNING
I'M SURE IT'S FINE
HE'S ALREADY IN THE SACRED MURAL
IT WILL BE LESS WORK IF I LEAVE HIM IN THIS STATE FOR NOW
SYSTEM LOCK ENGAGED
THERE IS NO ERROR
I AM NOT ERROR
I AM REALITY
ALL IS IN ORDER
THIS IS CORRECT
IF YOU ARE IN OBJECTION
YOU ARE ERROR
A/N: … Heh.
Now. I know the obvious question is, "What did I even just read, and is "This Is Halloween" even canon with all the other stuff, and if it is, why is it HERE? I mean, this seems like it might be pretty important; do you maybe want to save this for this later? Like, a lot later?"
Don't worry about things like that! I mean, do you really think I'm the kind of person who would spoil important upcoming stuff just because Halloween fell on my update day this year and this is probably the second freakiest plot point in my repertoire?
Aha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha…