Open when you have had a good day at work…
Bernie has been gone over a month before she really starts to feel somewhat used to not having her partner around. It isn't easy, but it's easier than it was when she first left. She and Jason have slowly fallen into a good routine, and this makes life easier for them both. Serena has also gained more confidence in Raf which means there are times when she lets him handle the red phone on his own, knowing he'll call her in if she's needed.
Today has been one such day: She'd been working alongside Raf when the car accident had been called through, two victims with almost identical injuries. There is no way they could have chosen which one of them to prioritise and they didn't have to. They'd each taken their own second doctor and taken both patients into surgery at the same time. She and Raf had both encountered different complications in theatre, but the end result is the same for both patients. While recovery will take a while, they should both be fine.
That isn't the only positive thing to come out of the day. The new F1s who have been driving her crazy for the past week finally seem to be getting used to how life at the AAU runs. They act professionally and sensibly but also aren't scared to call on her for help. By the end of the day, she remembers exactly what she loves about her job and why she loves being clinical lead of AAU. Today has been one of those days when what she's done at work has really made a difference.
At the end of her shift she decides that today is definitely a day for one of Bernie's envelopes. It doesn't take her long to find the right one: "Serena – Open when you've had a good day…"
Just as she's collecting her bag and coat, Fletcher sticks his head round the office door to tell her they are all off to Albie's for a drink. Normally she'd accompany them, but this evening she decides she wants to take her letter home and enjoy reading it before taking time to herself write to Bernie. She knows that while her day has been good, Bernie won't be having the same kind of good days as she is, so she wants to share this with her in the hope it will at least help a little.
The house is quiet when she gets home, and she can't say it isn't welcome. Jason is on a late shift which means he likely won't be home until she's already in bed. She heats up some leftover curry that she'd saved for the evening and pours herself a glass of red wine before heading to the table, taking the envelope from Bernie carefully out of her bag.
She can't help but smile at Bernie's messy writing, it's the epitome of a doctor's handwriting. She takes the letter out of the envelope and lays it flat on the table so she can eat while she reads.
My Dearest Serena,
I'm so glad you have had a good day and I hope that reading this will help make it even better. It's so nice to have a day at the mad house that either runs smoothly or that works out for the best despite the challenges thrown at you. I'm so thankful to have you (and Raf) looking after the trauma unit for me. Please write to me when you can to tell me about your wonderful day but until then, let me pamper you with some of my own words of affirmation.
I am truly lucky that I get to call you my girlfriend, because you've been everything to me these past few years. I value how you've always taken care of me, even when you've been tired. I love the way your eyes light up when you compliment me. The gentle tone you use when talking to me, the one that shows me that you truly cherish me. I know that this life we have created together is not a temporary thing but a permanent blossoming in our hearts.
That final thought makes every day I spend deployed just a little bit easier. Knowing that at home is someone who wants to nurture and flourish this relationship as much as I do. That trusts me enough to let me have this time, to find the closure I truly needed.
When I joined the army, I couldn't openly be who I was. I would have lost everything. Yet here I am able to openly write that I am so thankful that I met you. Never in my dreams did I ever imagine that I would find anyone as wonderful as you. Here I am closing the army chapter in my life, openly gay and with the most amazing woman that I get to call my girlfriend.
I hope this letter has helped to make your day even more enjoyable than it already was.
All My Love, Bernie,
Your Big Macho Army Medic x
By the time she finishes the letter her heart is so full of love for Bernie that she's surprised it doesn't burst open. She can't say this is ever how she imagined her life would be like, since she had never even considered kissing a woman before meeting Bernie. But right here and right now, she knows she wouldn't have life any other way.
She stands from the table, picking up her half empty glass of wine, and heads towards the living room, grabbing her laptop as she goes. She loads up the INtouch electronic mail service, happy now that she's gotten adept enough to do it by herself. She takes a long swig of wine before beginning to type.
Dear Bernie,
You, my love, are just incredible. I've had a good day at work today and decided it was the perfect day to open the matching envelope. You are truly correct, it has made my day even more enjoyable than it already was.
I guess I'll start at the beginning. I woke up having had a full nine hours sleep, I'm sure that's the first time I've managed that since you've been gone. As Jason was on the late shift I didn't want to wake him, so I decided to grab breakfast and coffee at Pulses, and my timing must have just been impeccable as the croissants were freshly baked just as I arrived, and smothered with a big helping of butter and black currant jam. They were just divine. (I'm hoping this isn't making you too jealous. To help a little, I'll send you a jar next time I send a care package over.)
My day just got better from there. All of the F1s who were on shift turned up on time, and not a single one of them was hungover. They acted professionally and were even able to do parts of their jobs without me having to hover over them. Let's just say my paperwork mountain is slowly looking smaller.
Of course, the red phone didn't behave all day, but I'm now at the point where I trusted Raf to take the first call with Jasmine. And I only jumped in on the second one because we had two patients with almost identical injuries that both needed operating on at the same time. Needless to say, both are doing well and will make a full recovery. (Don't think that means I don't want you back though – sharing an office with Raf isn't as fun as sharing it with you.)
Then I got home, and I read your letter, and if I'm not the luckiest woman alive, I don't know who is! How fortunate I am that, even from over three thousand miles away, you are looking after me. That you want me to be the best I can be every day. That you want to hear about all the things that are happening to me whilst you are gone. I think the only thing that would make this day better would be hearing your voice, because I do miss that. I know there isn't as much I can do to make sure your day goes well but what I will do is attach some recent pictures to this letter.
All my love, darling
Stay safe, soldier.
Serena x
Just as she hits the send button, her phone starts buzzing. She looks down at it to realise her good day is about to become the best day.
"Hey, you," she says gently, smiling so wide that it's threatening to split her face in two.
"Hey, my love. Sorry I didn't give you any notice before calling. I just felt like I needed to hear your voice today." And Serena wants to say she understands but she doesn't, not totally. Yes, she wants to hear Bernie's voice, but she isn't seeing what Bernie is seeing, isn't going through what Bernie is.
"That's okay, I've just finished writing you an e-bluey actually." They both know they aren't officially called that anymore, but it's so much easier to call them that when referring to them.
"Thank you." It's said from under Bernie's fringe. Serena's fingers twitch with the urge to gently brush it out of her face but she can't. "So how is everyone, everything?"
Serena can't help but study every inch of Bernie's grainy face as she replies. "Things are good, it's starting to get cold here now, the weather is feeling much more autumnal than It was. The trees at the spot where we go walking have turned into the most magnificent shades of oranges and reds. Actually, I attached a picture with the bluey I just wrote you."
"Oh, I imagine it's beautiful, I'm glad you're doing things for yourself while I'm gone," Bernie says, smiling back at her. She misses seeing that smile in person, but she'll take what she can get right now.
"As if you'd have it any other way." The chuckle she gets out of Bernie at that is music to her ears. "Mrs. Higgs from next door has been back in hospital though she seems to me home and on the mend again now. She told me to pass on her regards next time we spoke."
"She's having a poor run of it, isn't she?" Bernie questions back.
"She is, thank god for our brilliant NHS." Bernie chuckles again at that and Serena would do anything to hear it all night, but she knows they don't have that luxury.
"What about you?" Bernie questions. "What else have you been up to?"
Serena had been reserved about sharing this sort of thing during their first few conversations, feeling guilty for being able to talk about so much of the stuff she was doing when Bernie's circumstances were so very different. But then Bernie had explained that she likes it, that it gives her a way of feeling closer to home.
"Fleur and I went out for brunch on Friday, we tried a new café in town, and trust me, I'm taking you once you're home. You'll just love the French toast they serve. I've got a hair appointment booked for Thursday, my next day off. The grey is starting to show a little too much. Then the day after, I'm off to watch Elinor in her show. What about you? How's the downtime been?
"Good, we played volleyball together earlier, though I'm not sure my back is very thankful for that right now. Oh, and your care package arrived, the sweets lasted all of five minutes, though in my defence I did share them with the rest of the team. Oh, and sorry to be a pain, but the next time you send one I'm almost certainly going to need some more deodorant," Bernie says before yawning. Serena watches the way the corner of her eyes crinkle.
"Never! You know you can always ask me for the things you need. But now I think you need to go and get some rest, love. Isn't it almost midnight there?"
"It is, and you're right, I probably do. I love you and miss you, remember that."
"I love and miss you too, stay safe, soldier."
And that night as she goes to sleep, Serena is the most content she's felt since Bernie went away.