It's the last chapter. I'm literally posting this as I watch "Margaret's Engagement", so it's a little bitter sweet right now to post the end. Thanks for everyone who read this and kept up with it. I know it hasn't been easy.
Enjoy!
Arriving at the hospital, B.J. is astounded by how somber Hawkeye is. Jokes are replaced by incessant rambling. In front of him is a broken man and it kills B.J. to know that he cannot help his friend. Writing to Margaret in his hotel room, B.J. tries to express what all he sees with Hawkeye, but quickly tears up the letter. If Margaret is pregnant, B.J. wants to alleviate any stressors from her life. War is enough stress for anyone. Instead, B.J. waits until he and Margaret are on their drive back from the airport. As soon as she sees B.J., Margaret immediately asks, "How is he?"
"He's hanging in there," B.J. answers before kissing her on the cheek in greeting. Surprised, Margaret is a little relieved when B.J. explains, "That was from Hawk."
Nodding, Margaret asks again, "How is he?"
"He's in denial, I think. Keeps wanting to get out. Honestly, it's probably good you weren't able to go."
Closing her eyes, Margaret wills herself not to cry. Just when things are going well, something else comes up. All she wants is an easy life with her husband and to adopt a baby, but she fears none of this will come true in light of her husband's mental break down.
"How did your visit go?" B.J. asks eager to change the subject. With a heavy sigh, Margaret assesses the area before answering, "Well."
In a perfect world she can share her test with her husband first, but in light of the circumstances, Margaret asks, "Does Erin need any more cousins?"
Shock covering his face, B.J. instantly hugs his friend adding, "Hawkeye will be thrilled!"
Swallowing, Margaret betrays her misgivings as she answers with a dry, "I hope so."
Lost in their own thoughts, the friends don't speak for a while until B.J. asks, "Are you going home?"
"I'm not going to say anything til I have to," Margaret answers definitively.
"Are you sure? You could get out of the war this way," B.J. remarks. Shaking her head, Margaret answers, "I have too much to do here."
While her husband is gone, Margaret continues to take Iseul for the weekends and B.J. enjoys seeing his friend warm up to being a mother. However, when he has the chance to go home he takes it. Making one last trip to see Hawkeye, B.J. is sad to find his best friend will not tell him good-bye.
Three weeks later, Hawkeye comes back to the 4077th and into immediate surgery. Just as soon as he arrives, so does a bus of wounded. Reassuring Colonel Potter that he can work on wounded, his mood immediately changes when he finds out that B.J. goes home. Margaret, for her part, says nothing to her husband about her pregnancy, Although instead of wallowing over two friends and bunk mates he never gets to say good bye to, the surgeon heads toward the bus to help the wounded. Margaret works with Hawkeye during surgery and can see the pain on his face before he operates.
"'How are you feeling?'" Margaret asks worriedly.
"'Fine, fine. What could be wrong?'" Hawkeye deflects before rambling about how he is about to do surgery and his best friend is gone the same way Trapper did. Prompting Hawkeye to start, Margaret gives a worried glance to Colonel Potter wondering if he really is okay to be back. She notes he is a little calmer when bandaging a soldier, which is a comfort. As he wipes his hands off from the plaster, Hawkeye sits on the desk that Margaret is at. Looking up at him from her seat, Margaret asks, "'You holding up okay?'"
"'All things considered'," He replies as an explosion sounds in the distance. Quickly he amends, "'Most things considered.'"
With the camp dealing with the bombing for days already, Margaret quickly grabs Hawkeye's arm and takes him to a room with sandbags to keep them safe. However, when the shelling gets to be too much for him, Hawkeye finds the tank that is being hidden and drives it into the dump. Coming back to camp, he is unaware of Colonel Potter deciding to call Sydney thinking Hawkeye's reentrance to the 4077th is premature. As soon as they call to Sindey, the camp has a bug out due to a fire. While the camp is placed elsewhere, B.J. becomes the new surgeon for the camp, much to the camp's delight. Then, within twenty four hours, the camp bugs out to a new location, but this time with B.J. coming back.
"'I wanted to leave you a note before I left, but didn't have time'," B.J. apologizes when Hawkeye comes up beside them. The friends spend a good part of the day talking until Father Mulcahey asks to spend some time with B.J.
A day later when the camp is playing with the orphaned children, all Hawkeye can do is sit back and watch. He is too afraid to be around any child right now with the memories of the smothered baby still fresh in his mind. The sight of Margaret playing with the kids is not helpful either. First, they finally get a chance to start their family. Then, Hawkeye inadvertently kills an infant by screaming at its mother. Walking outside of camp, Hawkeye is only a little surprised to find Sydney follow him.
"'Being around kids makes me a little uncomfortable these days'," Hawkeye admits to Sidney as they take a walk.
"'Well, that's something we'll have to work on'," Sidney states knowing Hawkeye will not be over his trauma for a while. Admitting he is not enjoying surgery anymore, Hawkeye is a little annoyed that Sydney is right.
"'If I could just slow down my thinking'," Hawkeye laments in his rambling before he remarks, "'So I think too fast and I'm afraid of children. That's not so terrible.'" Hawkeye rambles, "Except, I'm supposed to like kids. I'm supposed to adopt one, supposedly, by the end of this war."
"Congratulations," Sydney tells him. A hollow laugh escapes Hawkeye's lips as he remarks, "Some father I'll be. What if she cries on the plane ride home? Am I supposed to just leave Margaret there to deal with her while I have some sort of manic episode?"
"Have you talked to her? Margaret?" Sydney asks. Shaking his head, Hawkeye answers, "I don't want to worry her."
Finding Hawkeye later that day, Margaret sits beside her husband in a small lull after surgery. Neither says anything, but revels in the other's presence for a while. Finally, Hawkeye breaks the silence.
"Margaret, no one would let someone like me adopt."
"No one like who, Ben?" Margaret asks gently adding, "Someone who cares too much? Someone who moves heaven and earth to do things? Someone who stands up for a cause they believe in?"
"Someone who killed a baby," Hawkeye mumbles softly.
"You didn't kill that baby."
"I did," Hawkeye chokes out. "I caused that baby to die. If I-"
"If."
"If?"
"You're living your life with 'if' right now, and honestly, that isn't going to cut it. I know you. And I know you'll continue to beat yourself up over it. Besides, I have an appointment to pick up Iseul once the war is over. I asked if it would be alright if I did it alone."
Taken aback by this, Hawkeye begins to say something when his wife adds, "At the time, I wasn't sure when you'd be out."
Heading back to camp, the doctors and nurses are placed in a constant state of surgery with any and all wounded coming into their camp even up to one minute before the ceasefire. They all take a moment to take in the silence before medical instruments and directions break the silence and bring reality back.
"Margaret, where are you going?" B.J. calls out when he sees her running toward a jeep later that day. Seeing her friend, Margaret waves to him stating, "I'm going to the monastery to finalize adoption procedures for Iseul."
"Are you feeling okay?" The younger surgeon asks leaning close to her. Nodding, Margaret answers, "I feel fine. You're worrying makes me happy I haven't told Hawkeye yet."
"Told Hawkeye what?" Hawkeye asks coming up to the jeep. After performing surgery on an eight year old girl, the surgeon feels like he has found a middle ground to being around children. He hopes seeing Iseul again will cure him somehow.
"About meeting for the adoption procedures today," Margaret replies as B.J. raises an eyebrow.
"Coward," He murmurs within earshot of Margaret before seeing his friends off. They spend the majority of the day with their soon to be daughter, and are delighted to be able to take her back with them. When the couple does arrive back with Iseul in their arms, the camp is excited to see her. Everyone crowds around them.
"Is she officially yours now?" Nurse Kellye asks. Shaking her head, Margaret answers, "Almost. We have custody of her, but she isn't allowed to leave Korea yet."
Watching the baby play outside Margaret's tent later that day, the couple is in awe that they still get to adopt her. Scooping the baby up and playing with her, Hawkeye is surprised how easy it is to be around her. Margaret, watching the interaction almost says something to Hawkeye about her pregnancy, but is interrupted. Swallowing, Hawkeye tells her, "I know we're shipping out separately and that you're staying on for a bit, but, Margaret, I can't take Iseul with me. I'm getting better, but hearing her crying on the plane is not something I think I can handle."
Margaret nods as she takes her husband's hand stating, "I understand. Part of my taking the assignment at the 8063rd is waiting for the red tape to clear. Are you okay with setting things up for us for when we get home?"
Hawkeye smiles as she easily uses the work home with him. All those times they fought over where they will go, it makes him positively giddy his wife wants to call Crab Apple Cove home. Nodding his head, Hawkeye answers, "I'll write Dad and let him know."
Sheepishly, his wife replies, "I already did."
Before Hawkeye can say anything else, Iseul puts her hand on his face. Laughing, Hawkeye asks the baby, "You tired of us talking?"
Standing up with the baby in his arms, Hawkeye catches a look he cannot quite place on his wife's face.
"What?" He asks. Shaking her head, Margaret decides to keep quiet about the newest baby just for a little longer. She instead remarks, "It's good seeing you back to your old self."
An uneasy laugh escapes Hawkeye as he bounces Iseul on his hip. It almost scares him how well he is at faking his feelings. Another side effect of the war. He is crazy and an actor. Smiling at his wife, Hawkeye kisses her cheek saying, "I love you."
Smiling back, Margaret replies the same before they decide to figure out what Iseul will wear to the Good-bye Party that night.
Talking to a few of the nurses after the party, Margaret is surprised when Nurse Bigelow asks if the nurses can watch Iseul that night. Looking over at Hawkeye who shrugs, Margaret is finally persuaded when the women remark she can have a night alone. Handing over her almost daughter to her nurses, Margaret states, "I'll get her stuff to you soon."
Once Hawkeye and Margaret hand off Iseul's things for the night, the couple walk back to Margaret's tent and are immediately at a loss about what to do.
Later that night, Margaret and Hawkeye lay awake in her tent making sure they know for sure what they will be doing when they leave in the morning. Margaret will stay on with their daughter while Hawkeye sets up house back in Crabapple Cove. After a moment, Margaret states, "When you do set up our home, we'll need to have two cribs."
"Two cribs," Hawkeye mumbles half asleep before his eyes shoot open. Margaret has to stifle a grin as her husband practically yells from excitement, "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Honestly," Margaret begins as she shushes her husband, "between the shelling and all the other stress in our lives, I didn't think there'd be anything to tell by the time you came back."
"Will they let you stay on once the doctors at the other camp find out?" Hawkeye asks sincerely. Fully awake, Hawkeye is now not only afraid for his wife and daughter as he goes home, but now has to worry about a third member of his family. Part of him wonders if he can take her place at the 8063. Shaking her head, Margaret answers, "If anything changes before I get back I'll let you know."
Picking up their baby in the morning, Hawkeye and Margaret coo at how cute she is dressed.
"For the wedding," Nurse Kellye remarks before excusing herself to change. The day is a flurry of packing, a wedding, and good byes. Most of the camp is crying at various points of the day all wanting to leave, but none wanting to sever the friendships and relationships they form at the camp. Finally, only Hawkeye, Margaret, B.J., Charles, and Potter are left. Knowing her jeep will arrive soon, Margaret says her good byes. After speaking to Charles, B.J. , and Colonel Potter, she watches as her husband begins, "'So, uh, listen...'"
"'Yeah'," She answers knowing he is finalizing their plans. Quickly, Margaret hands Iseul to the nearest doctor. With too much to say and too little time, the pair launch into a kiss that makes B.J., Charles, and Potter feel awkward. Neither cares what others may think at this point. The kiss the couple share will be their last one for months. When Margaret and Hawkeye finally break apart, Hawkeye states casually, "'Well, so long.'"
"'See ya'," She replies before hopping into the jeep and taking Iseul. Watching his wife and child as they drive away almost kills Hawkeye. Sensing this, B.J. puts his hand on Hawkeye's shoulder in comfort.
"You'll see them sooner than you know," B.J. comforts. When Hawkeye sees the rocks spelling out Good-bye, he smiles. Not until he reaches the airport does he start to cry. Checking his duffel to make sure he has a book or something to occupy his mind on the flight, he is surprised to find a letter addressed to him tucked in his bag. Taking it out, Hawkeye sits down to read it. Margaret has written him to tell him how much she loves him, her thoughts on their being in the war together, how much their marriage means to her, and then before he can read anything else, his plane is called.
Over the next few months, Margaret stays at the 8063rd helping with whatever needs to be done until one day she gets a letter that she can officially adopt Iseul and take her home. Stepping off the plane with the baby in her arms at the beginning of November, Margaret spots both her husband and her father-in-law and runs toward them. In the arms of her husband with their babies between them, never in her life has Margaret felt so happy to be home.
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