This site has been down for weeks, and we aren't getting alerts. I got some yesterday, so I decided to try and post this since it's been done for a while.

Chapter 32: The New Normal

*****Thanksgiving****

Buffy didn't see the point in having a Thanksgiving dinner except that Matt had flown in to spend the holiday with her, and her mother wouldn't dream of not having a dinner of some kind.

"You can consider it a dinner for Matt rather than a celebration of Thanksgiving if you'd like," Joyce told her.

"Okay," Buffy said. She and Matt went shopping after returning from the funeral. Matt's quiet presence helped get her through the day.

"It was very brave of Xander to share what happened the day she died," he said afterwards.

Buffy agreed. "I didn't know he was going to do that," she said. "Willow whispered to me that he wanted everyone to know how brave she had been."

"I'm sure her parents appreciated it," he said.

Since Buffy saw them hugging Xander a long time afterward, she knew that he was right.

Mr. Coulson, Willow, Xander, Tony, Pepper, Giles, Faith, and her watcher would be joining them for dinner that evening. After dinner, Buffy was going to speak with Faith and Tony about her feelings regarding Xander and Willow and Oz engaging in patrolling. She had already spoken to Matt about it, and he had suggested that she speak to them first before telling her friends.

No one was in a celebratory mood, but no one wanted to be alone either. Oz was with his own family out of town at his grandparents.

They made small talk, mostly focusing on Matt, asking him about Columbia and what Foggy had been up to. Tony shared some of the things he was working on.

"Xander, Bruce has been working with that mutant doctor, who is supposedly quite brilliant, Dr. Hank McCoy," Tony shared.

"Oh, I've seen him on TV talking about mutant rights!" Willow enthused. "He's blue and furry, right? He tried to turn off his own mutant gene and accidentally made himself worse?"

"Well, something like that," Tony said. "I know that his state is like Bruce's—due to him injecting himself with something. I don't know if he already had the mutant gene on some level or not. Probably."

"The full moon is next week," Xander said, looking anxious. "I can't believe I have to go through it without Cordy."

"I'll be there," Willow said.

"Me, too," Buffy said.

"We all will be," Faith added.

"It will be rough," Giles told him. "However, Oz will help you get through and what to expect."

"I can't believe this is my life now," Xander muttered, playing with his mashed potatoes.

It was not the most festive of Thanksgiving dinners, but they got through it. Willow and Xander didn't linger after dessert, which was exactly what Buffy hoped would happen.

"I need to talk to you all," Buffy said, looking at Giles, Faith, and Tony.

"What's up? Did you want to go patrolling?" Faith said. "Or I can go since you have company."

"I wanted to talk about the fact that I don't want to attend another funeral of one of my friends," she said flatly. "We have to make Willow and Xander stop actively patrolling."

Pepper closed her eyes in relief. "Thank God," she said.

Faith frowned. "I get why you'd say that, but it's too late," she said. "They're invested now, and it's not your place or mine to tell them they can't fight. In fact, they lost their best friend, and now Cordy to the nightlife here. No one has more of a right than them to fight."

Buffy looked mutinous. "I'm not going through this again, and that's final. I want you to support me on this," she said.

Tony looked at Pepper, who nodded. "We understand," he said. "I will talk to them. Convince Willow that Xander has enough going on with the wolf thing, so she needs to stop patrolling and focus on him or research."

"Yes," Giles added. "Cordelia was always a big help with that, so we'll need Willow more in that area anyway."

"Good," Buffy said. "I just can't lose either one of them to my calling."

Faith stood up. "But that's the thing, B. It might be our calling, but they chose it as their life. In some ways, it makes them a lot more special," she said. She looked at Joyce. "Thanks for dinner. B, I'll go patrol before heading in for the night."

"Thanks," Buffy said. She was glad that Faith didn't push back too much.

Wesley stood. "Although I understand what Faith said and agree that is what Willow and Xander will feel, I think this has been traumatic enough. Support staff will be enough involvement with two active slayers here," he said. "We've already dealt with the two biggest threats, so I think Buffy's making a good decision. Not that anyone asked my opinion."

Having said his piece, he followed his slayer out the door after stopping to thank Joyce and saying goodbye to Phil.

"Joyce, thank you for a lovely dinner," Giles said.

Tony and Pepper left feeling relieved even though they knew Faith had a point, and there would be some pushback from the kids. However, they felt Oz would agree to anything that would keep Willow safe.

Buffy looked at her mom and Mr. Coulson. "That went better than I thought it would," she remarked.

"I think it's a good idea," Mr. Coulson said. "I know my opinion doesn't count for much, but there's a reason soldiers under 25 that go into combat situation have a much higher rate of suicide than older ones. The younger they are, the less equipped they are to handle high stress situations, especially when faced with death of friends. So far, you are killing monsters, which is much easier for their psyche to deal with. They dealt with the loss of their best friend Jesse by throwing themselves into your mission. Did they even process that first loss? They need to make time to process this loss. Face it. Especially while they have a support system and aren't on their own in college."

"Excellent points," Joyce said, reaching out to squeeze his hands.

"I agree," Matt added. "Not to mention, you won't be able to handle it if something where to happen to them on your watch after losing Angel so recently, too."

Buffy placed her hand on his, letting her thumb caress his in a gentle stroke. "Thanks," she said softly.

"Well, I suppose we should start cleaning up," Joyce announced, getting to her feet.

"Why don't you let me and Matt do that?" Buffy suggested. "You can take him to the kitchen and start the water while I bring in the dishes. How does that sound? You feel like you can handle the dishes?"

Matt smiled, glad that she didn't think he was incapable of simple tasks. "Of course," he said, standing and holding out his arm to Joyce.

The holiday didn't go nearly as badly as Buffy feared. Matt stayed Friday playing ping pong with Xander and hanging in SQ with him, Tony, and Oz while Pepper and Joyce hit the Black Friday sales in Los Angeles. She actually flew them there on their jet, which Faith found very exciting as she had never flown before. They had driven to Sunnydale when they arrived. Faith finally understood what the term retail therapy meant as Pepper insisted on buying them several outfits a piece with matching shoes—much to Buffy's delight. Then they visited a sporting goods store and picked up some new weapons.

They broke for lunch at the Hard Rock Café, a place Faith always wanted to go to even though Pepper wanted to take her some place nicer. Buffy and Willow let her have her way since Willow hadn't actually been there either. Pepper enjoyed seeing the girls smile, and she took some pictures, sending them to Tony, who would enjoy seeing the girls smile again.

"So what's the 4-1-1 on you and Matt?" Faith asked as they were waiting for their desserts.

Buffy shrugged. "I like him a lot, and he kissed me when we were in the hospital. But he is very aware of the age difference and that I'm in high school," she said. "So he doesn't really try to cross the line much. Mostly, it's just friendship—for now."

"That's great," Pepper said. "He respects you. He's also aware of what all you've been through and isn't trying to take advantage. That shows character."

"It'd make me think the guy wasn't that into me," Faith said.

"Well, high school boys wouldn't be so patient," Pepper pointed out. "Matt is older, and he's been through a lot himself. He's not like normal guys."

"I think it's terribly romantic," Willow said with a sigh. "It's like an old-fashioned courting. Oz is kind of like that with me. I mean I know he loves me, and we're a little further along than you two. But he doesn't push me to have sex with him or do stuff I don't want to do. He's content to just be with me."

Pepper felt a flush of happiness at her daughter's confession, and her respect and love for Oz increased even more. It was what Tony believed about Oz, but Pepper had her doubts because teenage boys all tended to think with their hormones.

"Well, I hope you at least kiss him again before he leaves town since he flew all this way!" Faith insisted.

Buffy knew Faith had a point, and she didn't want Matt to friend zone her the way she had Xander. Nor did she want him to think of her like a sister the way Xander thought of Willow.

When they returned from their shopping, it was late. Tony and Pepper were going to return back to New York the next day as Matt was also flying back. It was decided that they would have a brunch at SQ and discuss what Buffy was feeling. The full moon was the following Friday, so Tony would return with Bruce to observe and record Xander's transformation and take some blood samples. Christmas break was when they were planning on giving Oz the mutant gene and Xander if he decided to go that route.

*****The Next Day*****

They were all there—Giles and Wesley—minus her mom or Mr. Coulson, eating when Buffy just blurted out, "So I don't want nonslayers going into the field patrolling anymore. I can't take it. If something were to happen to you or Xander, I won't be able to handle." She looked at Willow as she said it, but she looked back at Xander, who was sitting next to her. Buffy made sure that she was sitting across from them. Faith was on her left side and Matt on her right. Wesley was next to her. Oz was next Willow with Pepper and Tony and the table heads. Giles was on Xander's other size, across from Matt.

Willow looked panicked and glanced at her mother for support. Pepper knew that she had to speak her mind and said, "Buffy discussed this with Tony and me. Although we understand that you and Xander have been fighting a long time and probably feel that you have a right to keep doing it, you've been through a lot. Xander is facing something very difficult right now. In a year, you all might be living in different cities. This is the time when you have the support of each other to lean on. Xander needs to not worry about slaying but about his wolf or what he is going to do after graduation. Willow, you need to be there for him and focus on school."

"Cordelia was an incredible asset in research," Giles added. "Her death is not just a personal loss. We also lost someone who worked tirelessly in the library with me doing research. I don't know that you all realized how much. I will need your help in that capacity."

Wesley felt it was his turn to chime in. "One must never underestimate how important the role of Watcher is," he said. "We are there to guide them. One day you both will make incredible watchers if you desire to keep pursuing this field. The hardest thing a watcher has to learn to do is to allow their slayer to face danger without them."

"I just can't lose another person because I failed at my job," Buffy admitted, her voice breaking as she looked down at her plate.

Xander didn't have the energy to fight right now. Honestly, he didn't think he was in the right head space to patrol, and he had no desire to endanger Buffy or Faith by putting them at risk. However, when he felt ready, he wasn't going to let anyone tell him what he could or couldn't do. This was his town long before it was hers. It was his best friend and girlfriend that died here.

He would damn well kill the monsters in this city if he wanted to.

Today, though, he just shrugged. "Fine. I'm not wanting to do much right now," he admitted. "I do have other things on my mind. I'd be a liability."

Buffy looked noticeably relieved. "It's not that I don't appreciate all that you've done. I'd be dead if it wasn't for both of you," she said. "Xander brought me back from the dead. He will always be my hero."

Xander gave her a small smile. It was nice to be appreciated.

Willow, though, was not happy. She looked at Oz, who understood. "You can join Tony and because an Iron Maiden after college," Oz said, kissing her cheek. "Then they won't worry so much."

"I'm a witch, too. I don't want to just be a brain," she said, looking stubborn.

"You know, Willow, I know quite a bit of magic," Wesley told her. "I am happy to begin instructing you."

"Miss Calendar was a techno pagan, using magic with technology," Willow said. "That's a fascinating field. Do you know anything about that?"

"No, but if you understand the principles of magic, you can experiment, which is how techno magic came about to begin with," he said.

The thought mollified her, and she didn't argue further.

Buffy was just glad that they didn't seem inclined to fight her on it. Of course, she knew probably by February, things would change. Until then, she would enjoy what peace she could.

*****The Day of the Full Moon*****

Buffy read the text from Matt as she walked out of her last class of the day.

Tell Xander that he can do this. I know he can.

She smiled, touched by his thoughtfulness. His visit had been just what she needed to get through the horror of Cordelia's death. She and Faith did spar with him before he left for the airport after brunch because Faith didn't believe how capable he was. When he managed to knock Faith on her ass, Buffy and Willow cheered from the sidelines.

Of course, Faith jumped up, impressed. She whispered to Buffy, "You better nail him down quickly."

Her mother drove them to the airport and allowed Buffy to walk him in alone. Buffy hugged him, thanking him for coming. "You don't know how much you helped me," she told him.

"I do," he said. "I'm glad that I could be here." He put his hand on the right side of her face, and then he bent down and gave her a soft kiss.

It wasn't nearly long enough or hot enough to satisfy Buffy, but it was sweet. It was also on the lips; something she never did with Xander. Clearly, she wasn't friend zoned.

Now, he was sending thoughtful and supportive texts. She sighed, a warm feeling spreading through her.

"What's that look for? Do you have a guy?" Harmony asked, suddenly at Buffy's side.

Harmony had been joining them at lunch, which Buffy had found strange at first, but Faith liked her. She was nice to Willow and missing Cordelia, so Buffy didn't protest. However, she also went out of her way to engage Buffy in conversation, which weirded Buffy out.

"Not exactly," Buffy admitted. "He lives in New York and goes to Columbia. He did fly in and visit over Thanksgiving."

Harmony's eyes widened as he realized that she had seen him. "That guy wearing shades at the funeral?" she asked.

Buffy nodded. "Oh, wow. He was super cute. I could tell," she said.

"You barely noticed him," Buffy said.

"What's his name?" Harmony asked.

"Matt. Matt Murdoch," Buffy shared. "He's a sophomore. Pre-law."

"So he's smart," Harmony said. "And ambitious. Total package. Good for you."

"Thanks," Buffy said, surprised at Harmony's genuineness.

Harmony said goodbye to her as Faith walked up to them.

"Harmony being nice is weirding me out," Buffy told her.

"She's always been nice to me," Faith said with a shrug.

"She has never been nice," Buffy said. "It's very strange. I guess losing Cordy has really affected her."

"It's affected everyone," Faith replied. "Somehow, they made me cheerleading captain instead of Harmony because Harmony said she couldn't handle being her replacement."

"I can't wrap my mind around you being a cheerleader," Buffy said with a smirk. "I tried out when I started, but one of the girl's had a witch for a mother who stole her body and put hexes on all of us. It kind of ruined the entire experience for me."

"Seriously?" Faith asked. Buffy nodded. "That's why Wesley said that comment my first day."

"What did he say?" Buffy asked.

"Report anything weird with the cheerleaders," she said. "I didn't care enough to ask why."

Buffy laughed. "Why did you join? You are so not into school spirit," Buffy said.

Faith shrugged. "No, but Cordy was my friend and asked me to join. No one has ever wanted me to join anything before," she said. "She had always invited me to the parties the other girls were at, and they were always cool to me."

"I didn't know that," Buffy said. "I'm glad for you. Cordelia was too much like who I used to be back in Los Angeles. She went out of her way to be nice to me on my first day, too, but I purposely spurned her because I was just over it. Who I used to be. So we didn't really get along until she started dating Xander and became part of the group that way."

Willow, Xander, and Oz joined them. "Hey," Willow said.

"Are you doing okay?" Buffy asked Xander.

"As well as can be," Xander said with a shrug. "Oz has told me all about his first time. I'm freaked, but he'll be there. So will Tony and Dr. Banner."

"Will and I will be right outside, too," Buffy said. "You'll get through this."

"Thanks," Xander said.

"Matt sent a text. He's pulling for you," Buffy told him. "You got this he said."

"That's nice of him," Matt said.

"He's nice," Buffy said, smiling.

Xander put his arm around her shoulder as they walked out of the school. Willow drove him, so she gave her keys to him. "Drive Buffy home. Oz will take me," she said. "We'll see you at SQ later."

Xander couldn't believe he was going through his transformation without his Cordy at his side. She was supposed to make cracks about giving her puppies one day, and how he better be potty trained.

As the hours went by, he could feel the pull of the moon. His anxiety rose. Tony had pizza for them, but he couldn't eat much. Dr. Banner did his doctor stuff, taking his blood and vitals. After the sun began to set, he and Oz went into the room that was set aside for this specific thing. The privacy screen went down, while Tony and Bruce kept monitoring the boys on the camera, unconcerned with privacy.

Buffy and Willow both paced anxiously. Faith wanted to be there, but Wesley suggested she go patrol since Buffy was not in the frame of mind to do so. Buffy regretted that she didn't go with her because the waiting around was making her crazy.

For Xander, he felt energy building inside of him. "I can feel something inside me," he said to Oz.

"It's the wolf," Oz said. "The full moon is pulling it to the surface."

A short time later, he could feel the pull building stronger inside of him. When Oz started to strip down to his underwear, Xander followed suit.

Xander had a lot of scary moments in his life, but he couldn't recall a time that he felt more terrified.

Oz sensed his fear and sought to reassure him. "You will get through this, Xander. I promise," he said.

Xander nodded. "I hope so," he replied.

When his bones started to break, all he felt was unending pain. First, it was his hands growing claws and fur. Then he fell down, crying out as more bones broke. When he hit the ground, his legs broke, extending and reshaping. Finally, the pain was so great that he just let go of his conscious self—that's the only way he could describe it. Then he knew nothing else as the wolf took over.

When Tony and Bruce removed the screen, they saw the two werewolves. Xander was black instead of the rust color that Oz was, and he was larger than Oz. When the two wolves saw each other, they snarled and immediately began to fight.

"Crap. I thought this might happen," Tony muttered.

"I have the tranq gun," Buffy said. "Let's just knock them out."

"The thing is, Oz hates the way it makes him feel," Tony said. "Also, the two wolves need to decide who is going to be the alpha between them. Or this will happen each time."

"Well, Oz isn't much of a fighter," Willow said.

"But his wolf is," Buffy pointed out.

The two wolves snarled and swiped, rolling around in the large room.

"I don't want them to be hurt," Willow said, upset.

"They should be fine by morning," Bruce assured her.

Neither seemed to be trying to rip the other's throat out, so Tony wasn't particularly worried.

Finally, they stopped, and Oz's wolf submitted to Xander's. Then the two wolves began settling down. Xander discovered the water bowl, drinking deeply. Then Oz came behind him to drink. Xander snapped at him but then let him drink. Finally, Xander settled down. Oz laid down near him, calmer than Willow had ever seen.

"I don't understand. Oz's wolf is never this calm," Willow remarked.

"He's not alone anymore," Bruce pointed out. "Xander is now his brother wolf."

"Why don't you girls go to your rooms? The boys are fine, and I'll have JARVIS wake you when they begin to stir," Tony suggested.

"Okay," Buffy said.

Willow was more reluctant to leave, but she, too, eventually went to bed.

Xander did not remember his time as a wolf because it was just like Oz said: the wolf took over. However, at some point in the night, he changed back, and he fell into a deep sleep.

That was went it happened; he dreamed.

Was it a dream?

Mostly his dreams had been nightmares of Cordelia's death and all the ways he didn't save her. Sometimes, her throat was ripped out instead of broken. Sometimes, it was Faith who died, and Cordy lived. This dream, though, was different.

This dream was all white, and he was alone.

"Hello," he called out. He looked down at his body. He wasn't a wolf, and Oz wasn't with him. Where was he?

Then he heard footsteps and looked to see a bright image coming closer. Eventually, he realized it was, "Cordelia!" he exclaimed, moving toward her.

He pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly. Then he kissed her. "I can't believe it's you!" he told her. He looked her over, checking her for injury. She was wearing a long white dress that seemed to be made of lace. It covered her completely, molding her form. Although it was modest, it didn't hide her beauty. "I love the dress."

She smiled. "I knew today was going to be difficult for you, and I hate that I couldn't be there for you in person, so I asked the Big Guy for a favor," she said. "Since I died a hero's death, my wish was granted."

"What was your wish?" he asked.

"To see you one last time, you big doofus," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Oh," he said. That's when he realized he was dreaming. "Am I dreaming?"

She nodded. "You are, but I'm really in your dream. It's the only way that I could come since I'm not a higher power—not yet," she said.

"Are you okay?" he asked. "We're all so lost without you. Buffy and Faith feel so guilty over your death. We all do. We failed you."

"I hate to tell you this, but I was destined to die young," Cordelia informed him. "I saw several paths that my life could've taken, and in all of them, I am dead before twenty-five."

"Seriously?" he asked, surprised.

She nodded. "It's true," she said. "But I have to tell you that in none of them was I as happy as you made me the past year. I love you, Xander Harris. I will love you until the end of time, and I want you to live out the rest of your days being happy. Live your life to the fullest for me. Don't be afraid to someday find someone else you can love just a little bit. She won't be nearly as amazing as me, of course, but no one else is."

"That is very true," he said, pulling her back into his arms, holding her tight. "I love you so damn much. I miss you already."

"I miss you, too, but I don't want you to mourn me forever. I want you to be happy eventually," she told him.

"I'll try," he said. "It's hard without you."

"I know. It will be for a while. I will be keeping watch over you and everyone," she said. "Tell Buffy and Faith that I am at peace. Valhalla is way cooler than I thought heaven would be."

"You're not in heaven with angels?" he asked.

"When you die in battle, you get to go to Valhalla," she said. "It's where warriors go. I'm like one of the very few ordinary humans there. I get all the prime dinner locations because they all want to hear my stories of battle."

"My Cordy. Still the most popular girl around," he said, grinning at her.

"You know it!" she said, grinning.

Xander laughed, happy to see that smile of hers again.

She looked back. "They're calling for me," she said.

"I don't hear anyone," he said.

"You can't hear them," she said. "But I can. You're about to wake up."

"Will I remember this? I want to remember. I need to remember," he said, feeling a note of panic.

"You will," she assured him. "I promise." She kissed him one last time and then faded away.

Xander opened his eyes.

"Cordy," he mumbled.

"No, it's just me," said Tony. "Time to get up."

Xander sat up, clutching the blanket that Tony had covered him with him. He was naked underneath. As he got dressed, he thought of the pain of his change. Then he remembered.

"Cordy," he murmured.

He closed his eyes and recalled his dream of Cordelia with vivid clarity.

She was okay; she was at peace.

Xander felt some of his grief inside lessen just a bit.

*****Chapter End*****

My other version that I considered going with was having Matt say, "I wish I wasn't blind, so I could fight by your side," when he came to see Buffy. Then Halfrek would, naturally, come and grant his wish, having been waiting since he was a child to grant a wish from him. Sighted, he would have been there fighting the night Cordelia had died as they would have waited until Thanksgiving break to confront him. No one would have died, and Buffy would have a potential boyfriend who is sighted and a skilled fighter. Having been watching Loki on Disney+, you should consider that an alternative timeline branch as another reader suggested.

Reviews are always very appreciated, hysteria over Cordelia's death, though, is not necessary as she was never the star of this story, and some of the overreaction was a bit strange. Thanks so much for reading. This story will probably conclude in a few more chapters.