Sometimes, Byleth Eisner wished that things could be different.

That wasn't to imply that his life was bad. Far from it, actually. His relationship with his family was great, he had a decent amount of friends he enjoyed spending time with, and he was doing more than well academically. Things were good, present and future prospects included.

Among those future prospects was his transition into preparing to take over his father's locally renowned tackle shop. Jeralt Eisner hadn't looked happier in his life when Byleth had informed him of his decision to take over the family business. The rare smile that came to his father's grizzled face was reward enough for the decision, and compelled him to be that much more diligent in his future management of the shop.

So yeah, everything was good. How could it not be? Byleth had carved his little spot of happiness in the world, and he couldn't have been prouder.

There was just one problem.

"Did you wait long?" A voice called out to him from his spot on the bench. Inwardly, Byleth suppressed the urge to sigh. His own musings interrupted, Byleth looked toward the voice with as much enthusiasm as he could muster. Which was none.

Byleth Eisner—his own name, yet shared with that of his own twin sister. Much of their features were the same, hair and eye color and the like, but there was a great deal that differed between them despite their twin status. She was a fair amount shorter than him (not all that unusual, given the nature of Eisner men), her hair a good deal longer, and her skin just a few shades paler. Her style also varied drastically from his own—while he was most comfortable in plain sweats and hoodies, her own garb seemed to attract attention from everyone, even if it wasn't on purpose.

Of course, what everyone was really captivated by was her set of big, round, gorgeous... eyes. Unlike his own pair, which seemed to be set to a near constant glare, his dear sister's were much more vibrant. "Gets that from her mother," Jeralt had told him one night, many years ago. "You got stuck with my rotten looks. Sorry about that, kiddo."

It wasn't that he disliked his sister. They were, in a way, all they had growing up, with their father managing the shop by himself to make ends meet, and their mother often sick in their adolescence. Nights where he had to be strong for a sister that so dearly wanted to spend time with her parents forged between them a bond that could never be severed. Byleth could have been offered the world, yet even that would be worthless if his sister wasn't happy.

But even so, a tiny part of Byleth, so minuscule that he almost was able to will himself to forget about it entirely, was envious.

Two shadows passed by his face, and Byleth was quick to note the bodies and faces of two random male strangers. They kept walking—likely towards the beach—but the gawking and ogling they were shooting at his sister was unmistakable. Byleth shot back at them with a glare, compelling the two to quicken their pace, but the sinking pit in his stomach only grew.

"Something wrong?" His sister, ever the oblivious, asked. Byleth shook his head wordlessly. While they were both fairly reserved by normal measures, it was understood between them that she was the more talkative of the two. Generally more expressive, too.

You wouldn't know she was a modest, humble girl by how she was dressed—a highly revealing black two-piece bikini that looked more at home in a gravure magazine than a normal beach outing. Where had she even found that?

This was supposed to be a normal, harmless trip to the beach. He hadn't even wanted to go initially—as usual, his sister had been itching to unwind after a trying last few weeks in school, and had wanted to bring along her permanent beach volleyball partner. Begged might have been the more appropriate term in retrospect.

Of course, it wasn't like anything he might have been doing instead was important. Who cared if he was studying? Or working? Or relaxing? Or doing literally anything else than be forced to come along with his sister and watch—

"Byleth," his sister repeated. "Quit zoning out."

The male twin grit his teeth, but said nothing in response, following his sister toward the sandy edges. It was cloudy, not ideal for a beach day, but the turnout was still plenty. Which only made him worry that much more.

The two found an isolated patch of beach and set up shop, Byleth planting a beach umbrella while his sister got to unfurling a towel. His sister reached into the cooler and pulled out a drink. "Beer? Or something fruity?"

"Neither," he answered, taking a seat on his foldable chair and procuring a book.

"Oh, come on. Just take one. I'll feel bad if I'm the only one drinking."

He turned a page. "You aren't guilting me into drinking. Why would I drink while I'm reading anyway?"

"Because you're not going to be reading," his sister answered simply. "You're going to be playing beach volleyball with me."

He gave her an annoyed look. "Now? We just got here."

"And? Why did you think I dragged you all the way out here? If I wanted to watch you read, I could have done that back at the house." She offered a hand up. "Come on. You're either drinking or digging. Preferably both."

She was impossible. Relentless, too. Knowing he didn't have a chance in hell of changing her mind, Byleth put the book down, and with all the urgency of a man on death row, followed her to the nearby volleyball nets.

Honestly, he didn't dislike volleyball. He actually enjoyed it, in bursts. He'd played a little when he was younger. But even the rekindling of joy from days past couldn't spark any excitement in him, as he watched his sister get to organizing a game.

Their opponents would be two women, whom Byleth would readily admit were gorgeous. One was a taller brunette with a mischievous look to her eyes. The other had hair the strangest color of white, and was beyond pale to boot. They might have attended Byleth's college. Both were way out of his league, in any case.

Byleth noticed a small crowd forming. No doubt to get a good look at the three supermodels preparing for a sweaty game of volleyball. Brotherly instincts kicked in, as he eyed his sister's bathing suit that very well could have been compromised mid-match. He offered his light jacket. "Wear this."

His sister wasn't having it. "Dude, I'd be even sweatier than I'd normally be with that on. No thanks." Because of course she wouldn't care, Byleth groaned internally. The lengths he went to protect his twin's chastity.

"We'll serve first!" His sister called, preparing to serve. As he took his position closer to the net, the brunette winked at him from across the way. "Let's have a good game, yeah?" He didn't bother responding as his sister launched the ball over the net, beginning the contest.

Byleth would have liked to say he did fairly well, but his performance hardly mattered when his sister was so obviously the star of the show. He scored a few solid blocks here and there, but the game followed a pretty rigid formula. His sister would dig, he would set it back to her, and she would spike the ever-loving shit out of the ball. Her competitive spirit clearly hadn't dwindled any.

It hadn't been much of a match. The other two were decent, but all bowed before Byleth Eisner's uncanny athleticism, and her brother's mastery of volleyball basics. They'd won rather handily, his sister whooping in celebration. "Alright!" He was just happy her top hadn't fallen off.

Byleth approached him. "Up top?" He acquiesced with little resistance, completing the high-five. She smiled. "That's eight in a row for Team Eisner. I'd say you've still got it, brother of mine."

He snorted. "At least someone thinks so."

"Very impressive," the white-haired woman announced, walking toward them with her partner in tow. She didn't look particularly upset by the loss. Far from it, in fact. "I haven't been beaten that badly in a long while. Nicely done, Miss...?"

"Byleth," his sister introduced. "And this is my brother, also Byleth."

The stranger paused. "Er... you're both—?"

"Yes, we're both Byleth. It's a very long story."

"I'm Edelgard. And I've got plenty of time," the white-haired woman smiled. "Over a drink or two, maybe? I've a few I brought with me back at my seat, if you wouldn't mind."

Of course, his sister missed any implication in the stranger's invitation. "You read my mind. I'm beyond thirsty right now."

The stranger's smile grew. "As am I."

The two took off in the direction of Edelgard's camp, but not before his sister turned around. "You comin', Byleth?"

And be a third wheel to that mess? Absolutely not. "I'm good. Call me if you need anything." His sister shrugged, and off they went.

"Do forgive Edie," the brunette reentered his vision with an apologetic look. "She can be a little blunt, but I promise she means well." Byleth was sure she did. Not that he didn't think his sister couldn't hold her own, in the highly unlikely event it came to that. The two didn't seem to be very far away anyhow. He'd check in every so often.

That left him alone with the other drop-dead gorgeous woman, who seemed intent on making conversation. "Must be rough, having a sister like that."

"You have no idea." And truly, she didn't.

"Younger or older?"

"Twins."

"Oh wow," she put a hand to her cheek in surprise. "That must be, like, really weird."

He shrugged. "You get used to it, after a while."

She chuckled a bit. The sound was rich and feminine. "Really? I can't imagine which of you bosses the other around."

"I wanted to sleep in today, if that's enough of an answer."

Another laugh. "Well, I think you're a good brother for tagging along with your sister, if it's any consolation."

At least she was nice about it. Throughout the many, many instances of people trying to hit on his sister, very few had bothered asking how he felt about being along for the ride. It was just nice being acknowledged every one in a while.

She leaned forward. Byleth was gentleman enough to keep his eyes firmly planted above her neckline. "I'm Dorothea, but Dorothy's fine. You're not too bad at volleyball, hotshot."

She was out of his league, Byleth saw fit to remind himself. "I played a little when I was younger."

"Really?" Dorothea seemed genuinely interested. "Why'd you stop?"

"... other commitments," he answered after a moment. It wasn't that he was ashamed to admit that he planned on taking over a tackle shop, but it always felt weird to bring it up in casual conversation. How many people in the modern day knew anybody who even fished, much less planned on running a shop dedicated to it? Mentioning it in previous instances always brought up awkward silences.

Dorothea didn't pry. "Well, that's a shame. I think you've got plenty of talent." She winked. "You should teach me sometime."

Byleth made it a point to never get his hopes up. In the past, it had always led to disappointment. He could never blame his sister for it, but finding out that someone was interacting with him for the sole purpose of getting closer to his sister... it hurt. Especially when the inverse had never happened, selfish as it was to imagine.

Dorothea seemed like a really nice girl. Friendly, outgoing, and obviously beautiful. And if he were to entertain his more primal thoughts, beyond stacked. But that was it—he wasn't so lacking in female interaction that he would delude himself into thinking that a girl being cordial with him counted as flirting. She very well could have been merely occupying the brother so that her friend could put the moves on the sister. It wouldn't have been the first time.

Even so... a part of him couldn't help but dream a little. Just how nice would it have been for a girl like her to actually be interested in a guy like him? Just once, it would have been nice for the other twin to win.

He didn't let any of his internal conflict show on his face. "You'll have to take that up with my sister. She likes to keep tabs on who I spend time with."

"She sounds like a handful," Dorothea tittered. "Well, enough about that. I was actually hoping I could ask you something." She hesitated briefly. "If you wouldn't mind, that is."

'Out of your league, out of your league, out of your league,' Byleth chanted in his head. "Sure."

She inched marginally closer. "Well, I... gosh, this is gonna sound so silly."

His heartbeat increased a tad. "It's fine."

"Okay... are you... well, I should say, do you..."

This wasn't going to happen. She was going to ask something about his sister, and he'd have gotten his hopes up for nothing. Just like how it always went.

But still... maybe...

"Oh, to hell with it," Dorothea huffed. "Is your sister gay? Because oh my god she's the hottest woman I've ever seen in my life."

Sure enough, life saw fit to remind Byleth Eisner—hope would always betray him. Such was the way it was for the ugly twin.

This is a really stupid idea that came to me when I stumbled across Byleth discourse in Smash forums. People adore female Byleth, as is the case with most Fire Emblem avatars. For someone partial to male Byleth like myself, I thought it'd be funny to write about that kind of dynamic in a real-world setting. Thus, this story was born.

I do plan on continuing this, loosely. Future chapters won't be as bleak(?) as this one. A bit of world-building, and plenty of hijinks will follow the exploits of Byleth and his quest for true love. I want this to be more funny than dramatic.

Thanks for reading my third Fire Emblem work (wow, that's a lot), and I hope to see you again soon.

~Slalem