AN: I don't own Harry Potter, Hellsing or Hellsing Abridged. Blah blah you know the deal. Making a lot of changes to canon from both universes here. Fred Weasley, Remus, Tonks, Amelia Bones and probably more are still alive. Once again, not gonna stick to canon, fuck you if you don't like it. Enjoy.
A Wizard And A Vampire Walk Into A Bar...
Harry wiped down the sword of Gryffindor while surveying the carnage around him. Fifteen ash piles that used to be those new weak vampires that had been appearing all over Europe as of late. He'd been warned by his handler at the Hit Wizard agency had advised against involving the muggle Hellsing organization in the wizarding world's affairs, however things were getting ridiculous. Muggles and wizards alike were being found dead and drained or in a few unfortunate cases ghoulified throughout Britain and the obliviator squads were being run ragged.
It didn't help things that following the war against Voldemort had all but destroyed the auror corps. Barring a few survivors like Amelia Bones, Nymphadora (call me Tonks) Tonks and Kingsley Shacklebolt, the current force was mostly manned by inexperienced recruits. Two notable exceptions had been Neville Longbottom and Ron Weasley, both heads of their squads. In addition to practical combat experience the two had been leaders before and during the war and had proven themselves to be outstanding aurors.
Harry had of course been approached, however he found the rules that bound the Auror corps were incompatible with his skill set and drive. One can hardly expect the Master of Death, wielder of all three hallows to refrain from killing. Harry had seen the folly of the capture and detain method of dealing with dark wizards and creatures, so after an accelerated training process he became a hit wizard. As it was his first contract had introduced him to, as well as placed him in contact with two different muggle organizations, Hellsing and the Iscariot Organization.
-Flashback-
Upon arrival to the town of Badrick in Northern Ireland, he had been swarmed by dozens of ghouls, which he'd immediately dispatched through judicious use of Fiendfyre. When the smoke cleared, he found himself staring into the menacing, crazed grin of a seven foot blond man in a trench coat wielding a pair of bayonets.
"Well what have we here? Looks like another godless heretic standing in line at the gates of hell!" The man said in a jovial Scottish brogue.
"Oh god you're one of those Vatican pukes aren't you? Why are you even here I don't see any seven year-old boys around?" Harry said, withdrawing the Sword of Gryffindor and assuming a combative stance. The giant man's smile dissolved into a sneer and without a further word he leapt impossibly high in the air and hurled both bayonets at Harry. He apparated just behind the man and shoved the sword into his back eliciting a pained scream from him. Harry withdrew the blade causing the man to fall to the ground clutching his belly where the tip of the sword had punched through. A thick black sludge was leaking out of him.
"Huh, not immediately dead. Looks like your body is trying to heal itself, that basilisk venom burns like a bitch doesn't it?" Harry said, sheathing the sword and withdrawing instead his holly and phoenix feather wand.
"Put that stick away boy, your devil magic won't save you here." He said, slowly standing to his full height. The hole in his torso slowly closed causing Harry to raise an eyebrow in confusion.
"Wait I know you... Alexander Anderson right? Also known as Angel Dust, the Paladin, The Judas priest? Love that last one by the way, British Steel is an amazing record." Harry said circling the enormous man of god.
"Aye you heard right, lad. Of course I've no idea who you are, but I know what you are. DEAD!" He replied rushing forward, seemingly conjuring another pair of bayonets out of nothing and rushing towards him. Harry disappeared with an almost silent pop and appeared atop a wrecked construction vehicle.
"Dead is a funny way to pronounce Harry Potter." Harry said, grinning down at him. Anderson looked up at him, his maniacal grin returning.
"Ah of course, the Boy Who Lived, come to the humble town of Badrick to become the Man who Died!" Anderson replied and with impossible speed hurled a bayonet at Harry which embedded itself into his shoulder, causing him to howl in pain. Anderson grinned at him.
"Fuck! Jesus fucking Christ that hurts!" Harry shouted, pulling the offending weapon out of his body.
"Hey now, Don't be takin' the lords name in vain young man!" Anderson said, as he started walking towards him. Harry lazily flicked his wand sending a non-verbal cutting curse at Anderson, causing him to shriek in pain as his left arm fell to the ground.
"Well well well, may I step in or is this private party?" A deep, rich voice seemingly coming from everyone around them asked as a black miasma coalesced into a towering creature dressed in fancy red clothes, holding an enormous pair of handguns.
"Oh joy it's Hellsing's pet Vampire, how is the heathen whore doing anyway?" Anderson asked.
"I wouldn't know, I never met your mother. And who is your adorable little friend over there?" The new stranger asked.
"Oh, um. Hi! Harry Potter, Hit Wizard, Quidditch Enthusiast, unstoppable sex machine." Harry said, that last with a wink directed at the buxom blonde that had rushed in on foot to join the man in red. She blushed and smiled demurely for a second, but then turned her attention towards the mad priest.
"How do you do? My name is Alucard, but you can call me Alucard. This is my fledgling Seras Victoria, you can call her Police girl." Alucard said, with a dramatic bow. Seras grumbled at the police girl comment but said nothing else.
"So, Anderson, what's Iscariot doing here in Badrick? I don't see any seven year-olds around." Alucard said. Harry laughed uproariously.
"I said the same thing!" Harry said, immediately dodging a thrown bayonet then disappearing with a pop and appearing off to Anderson's right.
"Depulso" he shouted, and an enormous ball of nearly transparent force erupted from his wand crashing into Anderson sending the top half of his body flying backwards while his legs stood awkwardly for a moment before falling over spilling their blood on the ground. Alucard was about to comment but it was interrupted by the sound or retching.
"Don't let your guard down. I have no idea what the hell he Is but I doubt that killed him." Harry said, bringing a smirk to Alucard's face.
"It looks like those offerings the church has been collecting have been put to good use." Alucard said, looking down as the disembodied legs exploded into a collection of bible pages. Harry caught one out of the air and read it.
"Thessalonians 1:8; 'He will punish those who do not know God and do not obey the gospel of our lord Jesus.' Wow, I wonder if this gets good cell phone service living that far up his own ass." Harry said. Alucard laughed out loud at that and applauded. Harry bowed dramatically.
-End Flashback-
Harry stowed the Sword of Gryffindor and shot his wand into his hand from its wrist holster, and wordlessly summoned Prongs, his stag patronus.
"Site secure. Fifteen vampires down. No casualties. These attacks are getting more frequent, Shack. Please reconsider Hellsing's offer." Harry said into Prongs' ear before petting his head and sending him off.
"I'll never get used to seeing zat." Pip Vernedead, leader of the Wild Geese mercenary group which were now ostensibly a division of Hellsing given their repeated success in defense of the organization.
"I'm pretty amazing like that." Harry said, grinning. Pip chuckled and shook his head.
"You guys make it ok? Any casualties?" Harry asked.
"Oui, no casualties. Zere were many ghouls though, at first glance it appears to have been more than a hundred." Pip responded. Harry's expression soured.
"A hundred? Goddamn..." Harry said, exasperated at the loss of human life. Harry followed Pip to one of the APCs used by Hellsing to transport the wild geese, a Patronus would be sufficient for Minister Shacklebolt but Sir Integra would require an in-person report. This suited Harry just as well, the stern woman was far better as an employer than the Aurors or Hit Wizards were. Harry enjoyed working with someone competent for a change.
The ride back to Hellsing manor wasn't long, the vampires appeared to have been getting closer and closer to the place, potentially in anticipation of another attempt on bringing it down after the laughably inept attempt by the Valentine brothers a few months before. Harry had been tempted to let them make it to the compound, it warmed his heart to witness firsthand the utter debauchery that Alucard was capable of.
Upon arrival, Harry stopped at the Armory and handed Walter the firearms he'd been issued for the mission, as always not a single shot had been fired. From there it was a short walk to his quarters to shower and change into a new set of Hellsing BDU before making his way upstairs to Integra's office. He knocked on the door and after a few seconds was told to enter.
"Harry, I'm glad to see you back here safe. Please report on the operation." Integra said.
"We arrived at the coordinates but our intelligence was off, the vampires attacked roughly a kilometer north of our way point. I apparated the Geese there and we started our sweep. Pip and the Geese started combing the neighborhood putting down ghouls while I followed their tracks backwards and found the vampire den. 15 in total, but all were fledglings, it took very little effort to bring them down. Still 15 of them in once place... Also Pip reported more than a hundred ghouls were put down." Harry said
"A hundred ghouls?!" Integra said Harry nodded solemnly.
"The attacks are increasing in scale every day." Harry added.
"Casualties?" Integra asked.
"None, Integra. The Geese are a godsend, for all of their unprofessional behavior and foul-mouthiness, they are efficient and effective. Integra looked at him incredulously.
"Unprofessional? Foul-mouthed? You're hardly one to talk." Integra said. Harry did his best to look hurt.
"Sir Integra, you wound me! Never would I ever steep to vulgarity and impropriety in the course of my duties." Harry said dramatically. It was at this point that Alucard phased through the wall and made his presence know.
"What are you stupid fucking assholes talking about?" Alucard asked.
"None of your concern, Max Schreck go eat a bag of fuckin' dicks." Harry replied. Integra pinched the bridge of her nose, and tried oh so valiantly to ignore the migraine that was building up to a crescendo behind her eyes.
Seeing that his new boss was beginning to lose patience, Harry concluded his report, explaining that after the operation was completed, he had sent another message to the Minister of Magic asking the Auror Corps and Hit Wizard agency to collaborate with the Hellsings given that the vampire threat overlapped both the magical and muggle worlds, and that all operatives and employees of the Hellsing organization were brought in on The Secret, but he was not optimistic about Shacklebolt's response. After being dismissed by Integra, Harry made is way down to the mess hall to grab a bite to eat and wind down after the mission.
After eating he began reading a dark arts tome he'd retrieved from his deceased godfather's library when Seras Victoria, Alucard's fledgling arrived an asked to sit with him. Harry agreed enthusiastically, he deeply enjoyed the young vampire's company, and was fond of flustering the poor niave girl.
"Good evening Seras, how are you?" Harry asked, putting a bookmark in and closing the book.
"I'm... ok." Seras said, distractedly.
"What did he do this time" Harry asked.
"What? Oh nothing. I'm just not feeling all that well today." She said. Harry grimaced and gently took her hand, it was very cold. He sighed.
"You need to feed soon Seras. You remember what Alucard said, right? It's like drug withdrawal, you start feeling cold and sick, then it gets worse and soon you'll lash out and attack someone if you don't/" Harry said, concern apparent in his expression.
"I know. Um. That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about." Seras said, fidgeting.
"Oh?" harry asked, already suspecting he knew where this was going.
"I uh, think... It's time. Harry. I was hoping you'd..." Seras said, this time managing to blush despite the blood deficiency she was currently experiencing.
"You only needed to ask. Let's go to my quarters." harry said, standing and helping her to her feet. He stayed close to her and kept his pace slow since she was beginning for the first time since being turned to show fatigue. After what seemed like an eternity, they entered his room and she sat on his bed while he closed the door.
"So, you want me to prepare a glass or you want it straight from the tap?" Harry said with a playful grin. It immediately faded when he saw her choking back a sob.
"Seras it's ok." Harry assured her.
"I know, and I know I need it, but it's just. I feel like once I do this, it's real, you know?" Seras said.
"To the extent that I can yes, I do understand, but It's important. I don't like seeing you suffer, and quite frankly in a couple of days you're going to be a danger to everyone around you." Harry said, walking over to his sink and using a soapy towel to clean his neck. He then withdrew a potion, popped the cork and downed it, before walking back to her and sitting beside her. He patted his lap and with another blush she climbed into his lap as he withdrew his wand. She looked at it curiously.
"If you lose control I can use magic to get you off me without hurting either of us." He said, and she nodded and looked down. He touched her chin with his fingers and guided her gaze up so she was looking him in the eye.
"Seras, this won't make you a monster. You're not hurting anyone, you're not killing anyone. I am a willing participant, as will be everyone else around here donating blood for you later." Harry said. She looked at him with watery eyes and nodded before slowly moving in towards his neck. Harry's eyes shot open as her teeth pierced his skin, however the shock was replaced soon by a mild euphoria as the chemicals in her saliva entered his bloodstream.
At first she drank slowly but as the warm blood flowed into her mouth she began to drink deeply, and desperately. As it was she was literally starving to death and her body was demanding every drop she could get. Harry reached into his pocket withdrawing another potion flask and popped the cork with one hand while gently petting Seras' hair with another, and with a bit of creative maneuvering managed to down the second flask. As its contents took effect Seras' eyes shot open and she almost gagged at the increased influx of blood from harry's veins.
"Blood replenisher." Harry said, figuring she'd be curious. A couple more minutes of that and Harry was beginning to feel faint.
"Seras, I'm starting to fade here." He said. She clutched harder onto him and for a second he was concerned before with a herculean effort she unlatched from his throat and tried desperately not to look at or smell the blood oozing out of the two puncture wounds on his neck. He smiled at her and with an intricate wand pattern waved over his neck the holes closed themselves.
"I'm sorry, Harry, I'm so sorry. Are you ok?" Seras asked looking at him with concern in her eyes. He looked up at her with a goofy grin on his face and cupped her cheek with his hand.
"Your eyes... Beeeauuutiful..." he slurred, she noticed his face was alarmingly pale.
"Oh no!" She said, panicking, Harry shook his head and regained some clarity.
"Don't worry. Blood replenisher potion remember? I took two I'll be right as rain, just need to lie down." He said before easing himself down.
"You should probably lay down too." He said weakly.
"Why?" Seras asked before she was suddenly overcome with a feeling not unlike the percocets she took when recovering from wisdom tooth extraction. She started giggling and slowly oozed backwards laying next to Harry.
"That's why. Wizard blood, it's kinda like morphine to you guys." Harry said, his eyes sliding shut.
"Oh wow... so warm!" Seras said before looking over at Harry who had slipped into unconsciousness. She was concerned for as econd but noticed his color was already improving so she snuggled up against him and after a few minutes she too fell asleep.
Hours later Seras awoke to the feeling of harry gently shaking her shoulder.
"Hey Seras, you ok?" He asked. She opened her eyes, and sat up, while muted the feeling of euphoria was still there. She nodded and carefully got ot her feet, unsure of her footing.
"You should even out in a few, if what I read was right." Harry said, smiling. She nodded.
"Thank you so much Harry." Seras said to him. Harry grinned mischievously.
"I'm glad I got to be your first. Not every day a bloke like me gets a gorgeous bird like you in bed." He said, causing the newly fully-fledged vampire to blush violently at the innuendo. He chuckled and brought her into a warm embrace.
"Any time, ok Seras? I don't want you to ever let yourself get that hungry again." He said. The moment was ruined when the room shuddered and a loud explosion was heard somewhere on the grounds. Harry shot to his feet and ran to the door and was met by Pip who had just raised his hand to knock.
"Pip, are we under attack?" Harry asked, checking his pockets for his wands and putting his coat back on.
"No, worse. Follow me." Pip said, leading Harry down the hall and out through one of the secondary exits with Seras following behind. He was met with an irate Integra shouting at Alucard who was laying on the ground literally rolling around and laughing, both in front of an enormous crater on the ground. Seras stared in shock at the damage while Harry looked over at it with an expression of confusion.
"The fuck happened here?" Harry asked. Integras eyes shot over to him and she marched up to him angrily shoving a book in his hands.
"And you! How many times have I told you not to leave your godfather's books about!" Integra shouted. Harry paled and looked behind her just in time to see Alucard fading out of existence with his middle finger raised at him.