Chapter Fourteen:
The Free VPN Ride
"LoL, cAn YoU bElIeVe SoMe NoOb WaNtEd It ToO lOoK lIkE tHaT tHe CiTy Is A hUnDrEd MiLeS aWaY wItH a SiGn LiKe ThAt!"
Mario, SMG4, Bob, ShadowSquid9 and Axol with the chonk-ified Melony had left the eerie forest behind and were following the misty trail towards Scumslum City, the main hub of the Dark Web. They'd just passed the sign that read; City, 100 M.
With a sign like that, one could assume the city was a hundred miles away. However, it was meant to be many meters away. The Dark Web didn't completely stretch across many miles of the Mushroom Kingdom, but it was still a massive place to navigate and very dangerous. After passing the sign, the gang was around 93 to 86 meters away from the city streets.
"The people in the Dark Web want to intimidate you." ShadowSquid9 said, "That sign was meant to half-discourage visitors from ever going to the city, if they dared."
"But Mario isn't afraid of the city for nothing." Mario quipped.
"And that's good..." SMG4 said, "...You did help throw the USB down here in the first place and, without you, this journey would be complicated."
"Hope you guys manage to find that USB." ShadowSquid told the group, "But I understand why you threw it in this forsaken land in the first place, to prevent it from making the world messier than it already had. Honestly, even though the damage is already done, the world isn't that big of a chaotic mess if you want to be technical."
"Yo. YoU gOnNa AcCoMpAnY uS tO tHe USB, SS9?" Bob asked.
"I dunno if I'll be accompanying you to the spot where it will be waiting." ShadowSquid9 replied warily, "First of all, I got into some trouble with some VPN-related business a while back. Secondly, after hearing about what happened and why that USB was thrown down here, I don't wanna run the risk of possibly losing my IQ and turning into a wacko like Mario did."
Mario glared at the Octoling. "You got some nerve to call me cuckoo crazy, you mamaf..."
SMG4 intervened and pat the fat Italian on the back as they passed a fallen boulder resting near a pair of oak trees. "Take it easy, Mario." The meme man said, "Sam's just trying to be cautious. If he doesn't want to come with us for the rest of the journey, that's fine. We already have another Dark Web expert with us."
"I also forgot to mention..." ShadowSquid9 said, "I don't go near the city much, not after... that incident. Long story, let's just say that certain folks still aren't too thrilled with me for what I did with... the VPN."
"WoW!" Bob exclaimed, "YoU kNoW hOw To GeT oN tHe WrOnG SiDe Of ThE DaRk WeB nOoBs, BrO! AnD yEt, YoU'rE sTiLl A DaRk WeB vIsItOr."
"And the city limits is as far as I can accompany you, guys."
The mist had slowly cleared, allowing the group to see they weren't that far from ScumSlum City. They'd just reached the sign that read: "Now entering ScumSlum City, Dark Web visitors beware."
"See ya later, bro." SMG4 shook ShadowSquid9's hand.
"Watch out for trouble, meme man." The Octoling nodded, "And make sure that Mario doesn't do something super stupid, okay?"
Mario, SMG4, Axol, and Bob happily waved to ShadowSquid9, biding him farewell, and the Octoling waved back. Once he'd said his last goodbye for the time being, he headed back up the trail and vanished into the mist. The gang turned and walked past the sign, passing the last threshold, and entered the dark urban heart of the Dark Web itself.
Bob led the way and Mario, SMG4, and Axol followed him while the manga artist made sure Melony was still soundly secure in the basket. All around them, people dressed in black roamed the streets, conducting deals or preying on other people when they least expected it.
Loud screams echoed their way from a warehouse along with the sounds of mad laughter and gunshots, indicating tortures were taking place. The heroes ignored the madness, knowing it wasn't their business. Mario got distracted at one point when he saw a table with a plate of spaghetti on it. However, he learned the hard way that the spaghetti was a ruse by a guy in a pirate outfit.
"GIMME YER INNARDS!" The man shouted.
Mario ran away as fast as he could with a yelp and the pirate laughed. SMG4 looked at the fat Italian with an exasperated expression that said, 'You really are an idiot.'
Bob led the group down an avenue and Mario looked around, just in case there was trouble waiting. He saw a man offering kids some illegal substances, which the kids accepted. And then, he saw a wonky version of Mr. Krabs talking to a Bootleg SpongeBob about how his "organs were dissolving" before fading into thin air.
Finally, Mario walked past a dark, shady alley. But stopped in his tracks as something caught his eye. He saw someone standing there, wearing an orange shirt. He stepped forward, and, slowly, the figure turned.
Instantly, Mario heard static noises, akin to the noise that the Slender Man used to make whenever he caught someone. But it wasn't the Slender Man here, even though he'd fit right at home in a place like this, it was a Mii. And there was no mistaking that Mii with the orange shirt; It was Matt, the most OP super Mii in the world.
Whatever Matt was doing here, it was odd to see him in a place like this.
Mario turned away, running off to catch up with SMG4, Bob, Axol, and Chonk Melony. They finally reached the place they were looking for, finding a lot with airships that took the form of the Dream Whale that Link once awakened on an island that never truly existed.
"This place is really weird, Bob." Axol then said with bewilderment, "Where are we really going?"
"We NeEd A VPN!" Bob explained, "ThAt WiLl TaKe Us RiGhT to ThE gOoDs!"
"What's a VPN?" Mario finally asked.
"VPNs are basically safe passages through the Dark Web without anyone detecting us." SMG4 explained.
"Oh, I guess that makes sense."
"...aNd We NeEd A hAcKeR tO oPpEraTe It!" Bob then reminded the two Marios as he hopped on board the VPN transport and gestured to the computer terminal, "ThIs Is WhErE MeLoNy'S sKiLl CoMeS iNtO pLaY."
"Wait, don't we need to pay to use the VPN?" SMG4 asked as he looked at the sign near the VPN that showed how much was needed to access the ride.
"LOL, ItS fReE." Bob quipped.
The Garo grabbed a colored pen, then he began to make changes to the sign until it read 'Free VPN'. With that settled, the group boarded the VPN and Axol set down the basket, which let Melony know that it was time to shine. The chonk hopped out and returned to her human form, then she began clicking and typing away at the keyboard until the VPN had activated.
However, right before the ship could take off, SMG4 and Mario heard an angry yell and turned around to spot the VPN dealer coming out of the nearby building with a rocket launcher. As he entered the light, SMG4 recognized him in a heartbeat: Admiral Trench, an infamous Harch military leader, who'd joined the CIS navy and given the Republic trouble during the Clone Wars.
"THIS MAY BE THE DARK WEB, BUT I WILL NOT HAVE THIEVES!" Trench yelled.
He fired a rocket at the group, but they were prepared as Mario counterattacked with a strong baseball bat. Right before the rocket hit, Mario swung the bat and sent the missile flying. The missile flew over Trench's head… and struck Matt.
And slowly, he turned. The Mii glared at Trench and approached him, staring at the alien arachnid in his red eyes.
"What makes you think… *click, click, click* that you can best me in hand-to-hand combat?" Trench asked mockingly.
Matt responded... with a super gloved punch. Trench fell over, his limbs flailing and his eyes wide with surprise. Matt attacked Trench, smacking him into the ground. With the VPN dealer distracted, Melony hacked her way into the VPN's systems and the ship took flight, heading towards the cyber-tunnel that would lead them to where they needed to go.
However, SMG4 looked back, watching as Admiral Trench tried to fight back against Matt. While the world was a strange place, mostly no thanks to the USB that he'd arrived in, the meme man was surprised that Trench had been here for some time. And he'd become a Dark Web VPN dealer?
SMG4 began to wonder how Trench ended up here from the Star Wars galaxy. Looking at him, even from a distance before he fired the rocket and before Matt struck him, he could see Trench's cybernetically-enhanced form. He'd seen the Clone Wars, the Trench he'd seen was from the Order 66 arc and the Bad Batch arc respectively.
In the former, Trench had been in command of the Separatist army at the Battle of Ringo Vinda, where Tup had prematurely executed Order 66. In the latter, Trench had met his end during the Battle of Anaxes by the blade of General Anakin Skywalker. SMG4 had seen him die, but he was baffled to see him alive and well in the Dark Web.
If he were to guess, Trench must have fallen through some space-time rift near the end of the Clone Wars, just before he died at Anakin's blade, and had been here ever since. Something was wrong with the universe. But perhaps the answers awaited, on the other side of the tunnel, and SMG4 looked away as the VPN rode into the darkness ahead.
At the VPN shop, Trench tried to throw a punch at Matt, who hit him hard and the former military commander from Dimension #1977 toppled over. Matt loomed over him and the battered Trench thought about how his conga line of humiliations could never get worse.
He never forgot, he remembered when he commanded the droid armies, especially at the end of the war, on the day he landed here...
Laser fire screamed around the bridge of the ship, Venators and Dreadnaughts were firing all their batteries at one another madly, the battle raging high above Anaxes. Droid fighters shot at gunships, X-wings exploded and Vulture Droids exploded as Clone fighters blasted them to smithereens.
Despite the Confederacy's victorious efforts to hold the planet, the Republic was bearing down and had somehow gained the advantage. The algorithm he thought he had, it had been turned against his forces. The Jedi had managed to pull off a stratagem that worked in their favor. It was all falling apart, but the battle was far from finished.
He stood on the bridge, facing him, General Anakin Skywalker, who commanded the 501st Legion. The Republic had called him the Hero With No Fear in their propaganda and he saw anger in his face, anger and determination. Anakin gripped the hilt of his blue-bladed lightsaber, the droids that had guarded Trench lay in pieces and all he had left was the Tactical Droid.
But not for long.
"You're finished, Admiral." He heard Anakin say, "We have you numbered. Now, tell me how we disarm that bomb."
Trench laughed, he would never tell this Jedi scum. He'd survived death many times before, he would survive again, no matter what. He was defiant, infuriating the Jedi, and taunted him. He knew, if they lost Anaxes, then Dooku would not give him another chance. Anakin's hand came up and the droid was ripped towards him, Trench's last protector was sliced to pieces.
He stared into General Skywalker's eyes, facing the blade as it came. Anakin moved his arm, ready to deliver the blow. But then, the floor gave out beneath him and Trench was falling. A miracle in disguise, saved at the last minute from being struck down by a Jedi commander, but he didn't know where he would end up.
Trench fell until he hit solid ground. He looked up, seeing only darkness. And he saw the city, the land of scum and villainy. He broke into an establishment and found the nearest information booth, he looked up the information on the new world he was in, and then he looked up his name.
There, on a site called Wookipedia, he found a file, and the date of his demise along with the info on the outcome of the Battle of Anaxes.
Humiliating!
He never felt more fury towards the universe in his life. But here, Dooku wouldn't hunt him down and punish him. Even then, he would not be safe from the mockery. He learned all he could about the Dark Web, choosing to make a new home for himself, until he found a way back. He would command whatever remained of the Separatists, maybe he'd command an Imperial army.
Now, he was a retired leader, whose days would be spent selling VPNs in the Dark Web. But, his failures would haunt him. Every night, he thought back to that moment. And, it would be in his dreams when he would experience his original fate…