Chapter 2

In Seattle Callie had an amazing night, Ortho was going to be rolling in it. Several of the rich people had donated large sums hearing about the of her wife in the plane crash having lost loved ones of their own. Callie ignored the twinge of guilt she felt reasoning that she wasn't lying, the Arizona she had known had died that night, the happy bubbly Peds doctor had gotten onto the plane and a depressed snapping cheating Peds doctor had gotten off. She did keep looking for her wife though making sure her cover wasn't blown, but apart from briefly at the start of the night Arizona was MIA. Figuring she'd been bleeped 911 Callie decided to enjoy the evening, at least until she was pulled into surgery.

Scrubbing out she felt on fire, she loved surgery and performing especially knowing she was doing her best work and raising tons on money for Ortho, the most underfunded of departments, scrubbing out she went to her locker changing into Civvies, returning home collapsing on her bed going straight to sleep.

She was awoken early the next morning by her phone ringing, still with her eyes closed she answered it, praying it wasn't the hospital.

"Torres" she murmured,

"Sorry Dr Torres its Michelle here I babysat Sofia last night, it just Dr Robbins hasn't picked her up yet and isn't answering her phone and I need to go to my mums, any chance you could collect her?" the desperate babysitter asked,

"Sure Michelle, I can swing by in 10" Callie said already climbing out of bed and getting dressed pissed off at Arizona, for not calling or texting if there was a problem. She recalled the surgical board last night, Arizona hadn't been scrubbed in, she hadn't been at the gala, so where was she? Callie wondered. She dressed quickly driving the 5 minutes paying Michelle a generous tip to apologize for the extra time. Michelle was one of their better babysitters, so she wanted to keep her onside.

"Right Sofia lets go to Mommy's" Callie decided wanting to check Arizona was okay and if she was okay, then give her hell for forgetting to collect their daughter. It didn't matter what was going on between them, Sofia came first, always. Driving over her mind flashed to what could be wrong, had she fallen in the bathroom, or gotten so drunk she had slept through her alarm, or been paged for surgery once Callie had left, in which case she really should have let her know so she could collect Sofia.

Pulling up at the house Callie was disheartened to see her car missing, using her key she let herself in. In the lounge on the floor were 10 boxes, Callie approached confused, noticing 2 had Sofia written on.

"Hey Sof, go play in your room for a minute please" she asked, watching as her daughter did so without questioning. Inside Sofia's box were photo albums and jewelery. Confused she opened the large box labelled charity, only to find nearly every item of clothing Arizona owned inside. A sinking feeling opened inside her as Callie raced into Arizona's bedroom only to find the wardrobes empty, her bed neatly made, in the kitchen all perishables had been thrown. The most worrying this was Arizona's purse and phone tucked neatly behind the boxes. Arizona never went anywhere without her phone. Something was wrong.

"Mommy my toys have gone" Sofia moaned, walking into the living room.

"Sofia, we have to go" Callie panicked grabbing her daughter, gently leading her to the door,

"Mamma" Sofia asked frowning cuddling her lion toy close to her chest, Callie wasted no time picking her dawdling daughter daughter up running to the car driving to Grey Sloan. On the way she called Meredith, hoping she had seen her,

"Mer, have you seen Arizona?" she asked urgently.

"Not since last night,"

"Has Derek seen her?" Callie questioned.

"I don't know, what is this about" Meredith replied,

"Ask him" Callie snapped her hands shaking, she had to keep it together for Sofia. She could hear a muffled conversation, as she prayed one of them had seen her,

"Derek says not since the gala, is everything okay?" Meredith asked,

"I don't know I think something bad has happened" Callie muttered hanging up, dialing Alex, hoping they were scrubbed into together and Arizona had been having a charity clear out.

"Have you seen Arizona" Callie wasted no time asking him.

"Dude its 7am" Alex moaned sounding hungover.

"Alex its important"

"She isn't in my bed" Alex retorted, going to hang up.

"Alex, I think she might hurt herself" Callie said, voicing her fears her stomach flipping as she said it, was this really what she thought? Her mind flashed to the neat boxes piled up, yes, she was worried.

"What? Robbins?" Alex's disbelief was clear.

"Her stuff it's all packed up, she left her phone behind, I'm heading to the hospital now".

"I'll meet you there" Alex sighed, he didn't believe Robbins would do such a thing but now his concern was peaked and until he saw his bubbly mentor he'd worry and not sleep.

Driving into the hospital, he thought about the last few weeks, how his ex-boss had been subdued even worse than after the plane crash going through the motions of work. She knew she had messed up and ruined everything and was hating herself so much. It didn't help that Callie was extremely popular in the hospital and nearly every member of staff had sided with her. Arizona had taken on that hatred, and had stopped eating in the canteen, stopped going to the coffee car, sticking to only the 2 floors, Peds, and theatre. She also was always at work, Alex knew Callie had moved out, letting Arizona have the specially adapted house, but if Arizona didn't have Sofia she stayed at work. He was now regretting not doing more for his mentor, he should have been there, taken her out helped her forget more. Pulling up at the hospital he arrived the same time as Callie and Sofia.

"Callie" he called jogging to catch them at the entrance.

"Alex," Callie said not breaking pace, her gut had been screaming at her since the babysitter's phone call.

"Her office, she's been sleeping there" Alex suggested. Callie paused, having not realized that before, she only hoped they'd storm in and fine her sleeping on the couch. Callie reached the office door first hesitating, worrying about what she would see inside

"Sof, can you stay here for a minute" she begged her daughter, fearful they'd enter to find Arizona dead inside and wanting to spare her daughter that pain.

"You both stay here" Alex insisted pushing past. He opened the office door switching on the light finding it empty, he walked to the en-suite also empty.

"You can come in" he called his attention drawn to the envelope with Alex written on a pile of notes next to it.

With dread he picked it up, opening it as Callie came in, Sofia following and as normal ran around the desk to where she knew her mom kept the candy.

"What's that" Callie asked, Alex handed her the envelope knowing she'd recognize the writing as Arizona's.

Dear Alex,

Sorry to do this in writing but I need someone I can trust running my Peds department, and you are the best student I have ever taught. I've recommended you for the job, you are more than ready. Since the crash I've not been me and tonight I realized why, it wasn't just my leg that died in the crash, the real Arizona Robbins died too. Tonight, I rectify that. Look after yourself and take care of Callie and Sofia too. Callie isn't as strong as she makes out.

Now I leave to you my Peds cases, I've written in the plans, and left a plea with Owen for you to take my office too. You also get my board seat, subject to the board agreeing but I think the tiny humans deserve a vote, so while your head of the tiny humans, you get my seat, if my plan works the head of Peds will always have a seat on the board.

Take care Alex, you're a better man than you think, and a fantastic Doctor.

Goodbye my brother.

Arizona Robbins

Alex read the note handing it to Callie wordlessly.

"What does she mean the real Arizona Robbins died in the plane crash?" Alex asked, Callie dropped her note going very pale as tears ran down her face as she remembered her words from last night.

"My wife died in the plane crash" Had Arizona heard her? Had this set off this episode and most importantly where was she?

"Did she write to you? Where would she leave it?" Alex asked,

"My office," Callie darted out of the office, the house had nothing in so it had to be in her office. "Sof, stay here, Momma has a Nintendo in the second draw".

Her daughter knew that and already had Pokémon loaded on. She didn't even acknowledge Callie and Alex leaving. Outside Alex instructed one of the nurses to drop Sofia to day care knowing that Callie was in position to look after her daughter right now.

Callie sprinted to her office not caring who she mowed down, inside she found an envelope with her name on it and several with Sofia's. Her hands shaking, she opened the one labelled Calliope.

Dear Calliope

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I heard you at the gala last night telling people your wife was dead and I realized you were right.

All this time I've been dead, and now I know that I feel free. I can stop trying to fight so hard only to mess up time and time again, making things worse and worse.

My leg might have been cut off because it was dead, but now I know, I was dead too and since the crash I've slowly been killing you all, like gangrene slowly sucking the life out of you and Sofia. You did the brave thing cutting my leg off and now I must do the brave thing and cut the rest of the dead tissue out of your life. I must go down with the sinking ship.

Look after Sofia for me, and know dead or alive, I loved you both so much, even in death I die so you can be free, love again, be happy again, don't let me hold you back anymore, you deserve to be happy.

That is all I ever wanted for you is to be happy, I'm sorry I stopped making you happy,

I will always love you, more than life,

Forgive me,

Yours always

Arizona

Callie screamed once she had read it as her worst fears came true, the ball of fear she had in her stomach untwisting and consuming her.

"Can I read?" Alex asked, Callie nodded handing him the letter, the sobs coming harder as she collapsed on the floor. The gala had been over 10 hours ago, if Arizona wanted to die, she'd had plenty of time to enact a plan, but Arizona couldn't be dead, surely she'd know, surely she'd feel it, something, her soulmate, her other half couldn't be dead. Wait, soulmate, Arizona couldn't be her soulmate, but as much as her head was denying it, screaming that she cheated, her heart was breaking, into irreparable pieces.

"You told everyone she was dead?" Alex asked unable to believe what he had read. Callie's sobs answered his question. She didn't need his condemnation, she was already hating herself. "Why? I know she cheated on you but dead!"

"I don't know!" she screamed back at him, "the donors were talking about the plane crash and I mentioned by wife and someone said my wife had died and everyone started talking about donating money and I just went along with it, I know it was wrong, I don't know why" Callie paused, "No I do know, in the plane crash I lost my Arizona, the woman who woke up happy, who would pull me through the bad days, the person I could tell my deepest secrets too, I lost my Arizona and the new Arizona hated me." Callie continued to sob, "My Arizona died in that plane crash."

"She is still your wife; she is still the person you married. I was there you promised in sickness and in health, you promised to be there through thick and thin" Alex screamed.

"She cheated on me!" Callie yelled back,

"She was in a plane crash she spent 4 days staring at her leg thinking if only I could get back to my wife, she'll save it. And you make that promise, what possessed you to make that promise? You weren't thinking of her, just yourself. You could have said anything, I don't know, I'm not your doctor, i promise it will be a last resort, but on the amazing Ortho Goddess will save the unsavable. Then you broke it and instead of letting her have her wife to lean on, you make yourself the target of her anger. Leaving her with nobody." Alex ranted; he wasn't really angry at Callie just the whole situation.

"She had me, Sofia, we are her family, we were there" Callie defended, upset at what Alex was saying, surely he could see she was the victim here.

"Were you? You were still working full time, looking after Sofia, trying to do ground breaking surgeries."

"I had to save Derek's hand, there was Mark, and I had patients" Callie protested, even to her own ears they sounded feeble, her heart sinking, Alex was right, she had failed Arizona,

"And they are more important than your wife?" Alex challenged.

"No" the denial was automatic, but suddenly Callie could see, the quick visits to Arizona's room, the pressure of trying to save a leg that she knew would need amputating, how she had started to avoid going in, because when she did Arizona would be researching projects that could help, when Callie knew nothing would work.

"That's not what she thought," He added,

"She told you that?" Callie asked horrified,

"She didn't need too" Alex sighed, "We all saw how much time you'd spent pouring over surgeries for Derek Shepard's hand, even before the amputation, you were honored the best neurosurgeon in the country wanted you to save his career. But it wasn't that you'd forgotten your wife, you knew you couldn't keep your promise, you knew the leg needed amputation so poured all your energy into everything but the leg. You didn't spend hours on the phone for your wife like you did Derek getting expert opinions or researching the latest surgery because you knew from the moment you saw that leg it would have to be removed".

Callie sobbed heavier, Alex was right, she'd known the moment she'd made the promise she wouldn't' be able to keep it. But the relief Arizona had showed when she had promised, meant she couldn't tell her it was a lie, so instead of helping her wife preparing her for a life as an amputee she had thrown herself into a career and a life she could save.

"We need to call Owen and the police, we need to find her, where would she go?" Alex asked, Callie thought,

"The only places she goes are the hospital, home and Joe's. But her car is missing, it's not at home and it's not here" Callie sighed thinking hard, "I don't know I really don't know anymore". She said sadly, there was a time she knew where Arizona went to think, but now, she didn't know Arizona at all.

Alex sighed getting out his phone ringing the chief.

"Someone better be dying Karev" he answered sounding like he had just woken up.

"It's Robbins, she had gone missing, and she has left us notes, I think she has hurt herself" Alex said bluntly.

"What?" Owen sounded awake now, "Arizona Robbins."

"Yes"

"I'm on my way in, call the police" Owen ordered hanging up. Alex did so, they agreed to list her as a missing person and put an alert out for her car but as it looked like she'd chosen to leave they weren't going to do a lot more.

Alex then began texted anyone he could think of asking them if they had seen Robbins, praying she was just crashed out on a couch somewhere and all this worry was for nothing. As only negative replies came through the hope of that happening became slimmer and slimmer.

For Callie she sat on the floor of her office feeling worse than she ever had before, this was worse than the plane crash, at least then there was hope she was alive. Now it was looking more and more likely her wife had killed herself, because she had told everyone she was dead.

Owen arrived having gone to his office first revealing a third note.

Owen

I'm sorry to leave like this but the hospital is better off without me. I recommend Alex to be head of Peds, he is the best Peds doctor I've ever worked with. I'd also like to recommend that my board seat goes to whoever is head of Peds. The little humans need a voice at the top level. I'm so tired of fighting, so tired of waking up every day in pain, waking up screaming, I've tried to fight but I just keep losing. I'm a good man in the storm and right now the only way I can do that is to protect my family from who I have become.

You're a good man Owen, please look out for Callie and Sofia and know I don't blame you for the crash.

Arizona Robbins.

"Damn it I should have seen the signs" he remembered his own experience with PTSD that he fought every day. He had been so focused on the lawsuit and Cristina he had failed in looking after his doctor. He knew she had phantom limb pains; he knew she hadn't told her wife. He knew she wasn't getting better and wasn't going to counselling. He should have insisted, banned her from surgery until she co-operated. He knew, he should have done more, he just hoped it wasn't too late.

"Right, I'm going to make some calls" Owen decided feeling useless.

"Who?" Callie asked brokenly, having sat down on her office chair, Owen sighed.

"Local hospital and mortuary's looking for a Jane Doe with a left above knee amputation," Callie trembled at the word mortuary, the thought of her wife lying there on the cold slab, lifeless a Y incision across her chest. The nausea forced her to run to the bathroom where she vomited.

Alex was there holding her hair,

"We will find her" he promised, the only question was dead or alive?

Hope you all liked the note Arizona wrote, I'm trying to get the balance I don't want this to be all Arizona or all Callie's fault. but i feel lots of people are team Callie without really thinking about it from Arizona's point of view, and i think both people were to blame for different parts of their relationship failing. Most of all i think Arizona's mental health was shown but non of the recovery, except that tiny bit with Owen and he isnt exactly the picture of good mental health or healthy relationships.

Anyway let me know what you think.