Severus would never forget his first kill.

A few weeks shy of nineteen, it had been over a year since he had taken the mark and yet somehow, he had escaped the soul-splitting deed that would surely send him to hell. That didn't make him a saint, however, as his skills in brewing were called upon time and time again by the Dark Lord and he was under no illusion what for. But he had never actually killed anyone; never cast the horrible green-flashing curse or felt a man's life slip away under his hands.

She was a Muggle-born woman, not much older than he. Her thick mousy-brown hair fell to her shoulders in waves, her wonky fringe was in desperate need of a trim. Her face was blotchy and her voice hoarse as she looked up at him, her mouth forming the word that would stay with him forever:

Please.

He was never supposed to be out that night.

His mother was in hospital for an operation and although their relationship had long since fractured, Severus had promised to pick her up when she was discharged. They had fought that morning when she had rung to request his presence. At first, it was out of frustration – he couldn't understand why she was subjecting herself to those horrid Muggle doctors who knew nothing when there were perfectly good healers at St Mungo's who would have her sorted in no time. Her clear refusal for anything magic disgusted him and their argument quickly turned to the same one they'd had for years: once again she was choosing him over her own son.

It wasn't that simple; his mother had tried to explain tearfully. Things weren't so black and white.

If that was the case, he thought as he slammed the phone down so hard on the receiver the cheap plastic cracked, then why wasn't his father the one picking her up from the hospital?

His anger fizzed in his bones like the sky before a storm, distracting him from his research so much so that when Lucius showed up at his door sometime that evening to persuade him out of the house for a drink, he barely weighed up the consequences before grabbing his cloak.

Except when he clung onto Lucius' arm as they apparated from behind the bins in the snicket he quickly realised the carefree pint he had been promised was a lie, and guilt rang loud in the back of his head. Mulciber, Yaxley and Dolohov waited for them in the alley, their hoods already drawn. Severus knew he couldn't bow out of whatever dark plans they had crafted, least of all to rescue his ailing mother from her Muggle-made sickbed. So, he followed them inside the pub only to take up a position by the door where he could cloak himself in the shadows and wait for whatever directions Yaxley deemed fit.

Within moments of entering the pub, the scene erupted in carnage. According to Mulciber, the couple they had been sent in to find were allegedly linked to Dumbledore's famed Order of the Phoenix, although years later Severus would learn that had never been the case. They were simply victims of an unfortunate rumour.

Yaxley, always quick to draw, didn't hesitate to cut the man down with a Killing Curse, the bright green light bouncing off the diamond glass windows while Lucius and Mulciber cleared the Muggles out with a rain of debris and smoke. Dolohov had managed to corner the woman against a wall, though Severus could see she was holding her own with her wand held high despite the tremors that marred her aim. But her magic was no match against the Death Eater who had a penchant for pain, and it wasn't long before the sounds of her screams echoed off the walls of the pub, the smell of burning flesh filling his nose and making him vomit.

Yaxley looked at him with disgust, as though he were a dog who had been sick on its owner's shoe, but Dolohov only laughed and put an arm around him in a brotherly way, inviting him to have a go.

Severus couldn't. He nearly dropped his wand, his palms slick with sweat and the taste of bile stinging the back of his throat. He stared down at the broken form of the girl with mousey-brown hair wishing that for just once in his life he had been a better son, swallowing his damn pride long enough to pick up his mother from the hospital.

'Come on, Snape,' Dolohov cooed in his ear, 'why don't you show her that hex you love so dearly. I'd like to see her bleed a little more.'

'Please,' the woman begged, her teeth red from where her lip had split.

Please Severus, his mum had asked him over the phone, just do this one thing for me.

From across the room, Lucius watched him expectantly making Severus' arms ache with the onset of a fever. The man had taken him under his wing in those first early months after school, and the lukewarm compassion Lucius showed was enough for Severus to confide in him all about his traitorous mother who turned her back on magic for a Muggle man who showed love with his fists.

He could tell from the telly blaring in the background when she had rung that morning that Severus hadn't been his mum's first choice, that she had likely asked his father first before turning to her estranged son in a moment of desperation. Anger roiled through him. What kind of man couldn't bring himself to help the woman he had taken a vow to protect, to love in sickness and health.

His muscles tensed; fever giving way to a hot flash that made his jaw hurt. He was vaguely away of the inclination to do harm before the words slipped out of his mouth unbridled.

'Avada Kadavra.'

The silence was deafening.

Blood was pumping heavily through Severus' veins as he climbed the ladder to the third floor. The cloying smell of spearmint still clung to his clothes, pulling his mind back to the marble room and the young woman now locked inside. A million thoughts raced through his head, and he quickly categorised each one before shutting it down.

There was a small part of him that hoped he was being overly dramatic in his reaction. The visitor could be a no one – a Ministry Official, even – but there was a palpable tension in the air that set his teeth on edge. The castle walls whispered to him as he whipped past, his robes swirling against the floor. Something far more sinister now lurked inside the castle and the old stones weren't happy.

Time slowed as Severus descended the marble staircase, the blood pumping heavy through his veins. Terrance Higgs stood beside Amycus, their faces bearing near-identical expressions of panic that on any other day would nearly amuse him. But his attention was drawn to the tall, regal-looking woman between them, causing his stomach to drop as though he had missed the last step.

Bellatrix Lestrange stood in the middle of the Entrance Hall, her deep purple robes making her alabaster skin glow in the candlelight, her once matted dark curls spilling over her shoulders. Where Lucius had withered into decay in light of Voldemort's return, Bella had flourished — she certainly looked the part of the Queen of the underworld to her Lord of Death. She watched him as he crossed the call, a smug smirk in the corner of her mouth as though she had finally won their game of cat and mouse.

'Bellatrix, what a pleasant surprise. We hadn't been expecting you,' Severus said, clasping his hands neatly behind his back.

Her smirk morphed into a coy smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. 'I was in the area.'

Bloody doubtful. The Scottish Highlands were nowhere near the Lestrange's London town home, and even in the present climate it would be unwise for one of Voldemort's inner circle to wander aimlessly through the streets of Hogsmeade where there were still so many adoring locals of Albus Dumbledore lingering about.

'How fortunate for us,' he remarked coolly.

Her eyes darkened but she chose to ignore his obvious sarcasm, her attention drawn towards the many portraits that lined the hall. 'It seems you haven't redecorated then since that old coot died,' she commented, her nose wrinkling in disgust.

Severus glanced at Amycus, who was shifting uncomfortably in the presence of Voldemort's most beloved. Higgs stood by his side like one of the many suits of armours, clearly wanting to appease his Highers.

'It has not been at the top of my priority list, I assure you,' he retorted.

'And what are those priorities, Severus,' she quipped. 'Shouldn't you be squirreled away in some dark hole somewhere working for our Master?'

'Let us not play these games any longer,' he demanded, his patience dwindling. 'Tell us why you're really here.'

Bellatrix drew her fingers along the polished wood of her wand with the attention of a lover's caress. The sight made his stomach churn uneasily. 'I have been sent here by the Dark Lord. He thinks Potter's Mudblood is hiding something.'

A cool shiver of fear ran from the top of his scalp down through his toes. 'Miss Granger? The girl knows nothing, I questioned her myself.'

'So Dolohov says.' Her eyes narrowed at him. 'But Harry Potter has been missing for months and she was the last one to see him.'

Severus chewed on the inside of his cheek, mentally running through the options laid out before him. There was no plausible excuse he could give to divert Bella away from speaking with Granger, though from experience he knew speaking would be putting it lightly.

Hermione's trusting face reflected back at him in his mind's eye as she stood on the other side of the doorway to the vaulted chamber – the room he had crafted for her, although he would never tell a soul. How was it only minutes ago that he was breathing in her scent of parchment and black tea, the heat from her body radiating through her clothes as she stood close enough that he could study every freckle dusting the bridge of her nose. He knew he shouldn't, but he had wanted to touch her then, to brush the tips of his fingers along the scar on her cheekbone if she would permit it.

Something fractured inside him, the darkness seeping outwards through his nervous system as it tried to protect him from the inevitable heartbreak that came with the awareness that after tonight, it was unlikely Granger would ever let him touch her again.

Severus turned to Higgs. 'Has Miss Granger joined her friends for dinner yet?'

Higgs shifted uncomfortably for the first time. 'Er, no sir. I already checked.'

'Well, where is she?' Severus seethed, using his despair and frustration to fuel his anger as he glared pointedly at Amycus.

Amycus took a step back. 'How the fuck should Iknow?'

Severus fist clenched at his side. 'Because as Deputy Headmaster of this school, it is your job to know!'

'Pro'lly in the library or summit,' the other man offered, his ugly face twisting into a look of contempt.

Bellatrix's laugh pealed like tiny bells. 'Do you often lose your students?'

'I didn't lose her,' Severus growled, rounding on her. 'There are over four-hundred students present at Hogwarts this year. I couldn't possibly keep tabs on every single one every second of every day.'

As she continued to smirk at him, the darkness lunged forward to break through the surface of her thoughts. There was a glimpse of a golden chalice amongst a sea of gold and treasures before Bellatrix turned her head, breaking the contact.

Severus blinked, momentarily thrown off balance. 'Amycus, escort Bellatrix to my office. Higgs, find the girl.'

Turning his back on them, he barely registered Bella's grumble as Amycus lead her away. Granger's voice rang loud in his head as though she were standing right next to him, repeating the mantra that would stay ingrained in him until the day he died.

The cup, the snake, the locket. Something from Gryffindor or Ravenclaw.

Severus pressed his fingers to his temples in a desperate attempt to recall what he had seen in Bella's head. It couldn't be.

But it made sense, didn't it? She had always been among Voldemort's most loyal, even from the start, so why not entrust her with a piece of his soul?

Shite.

Shite.

The clutches of panic quickly rose as he slid through a gap in Great Hall doors. Dinner had only just begun, and the hall was thankfully only partially full. He noted that Alecto still sat at the High Table stuffing her face full of pudding, blissfully unaware. Minerva and Filius, on the other hand, were waiting for him.

'Severus, is it true that… woman in our school?' Minerva asked fearfully, gripping his elbow.

He glared down his nose at the offending hand and her cheeks turned pink as she snatched it away.

'Madam Lestrange has indeed graced us with her presence this evening,' he answered stonily. 'She would like to speak with Miss Granger.'

Filius huffed indignantly. 'This is ridiculous. She's already been questioned once, it's clear she has no idea where Mr Potter is. Besides, it's hardly as if she has him hiding under her bed.'

'If Madam Lestrange wishes to speak with her then she has every right to do so,' Severus explained.

'Severus really,' squawked Minerva. Several Hufflepuffs sitting at the end of the table looked over owlishly and Severus scowled at them. 'This has gone on long enough,' she continued. 'Do you really think Bellatrix is going to sit down for tea with the girl and simply ask her a few questions? Have you forgotten the Longbottoms?'

Did they really think after all this time he wanted to give up a student? And Granger, no less…

He always assumed that Dumbledore's death was the tipping point for his soul, soothing his damaged conscience with the belief that the old wizard was firmly in the moral grey territory and had done equal parts harm and good throughout his long life. And although Granger was a complete pain in the arse and flawed as any young witch growing up in a war could be, Severus realised that the act of physically handing her over to Bellatrix would be his undoing.

He wasn't gifted with abilities to see into the future like Trelawney, but he had been around long enough to understand what awaited the girl. Do not think for one moment I wouldn't kill you myself if I had to, he once told her. He had meant it to, only now that the possibility looked him in the face did he truly understand the full weight of it, along with the realisation that there was no other possible outcome. He still hadn't been granted an audience in front of Voldemort and Bellatrix still doubted his actions, even after he had gone so far as to swear an Unbreakable Vow.

Severus swallowed twice against the roughness in his throat. 'If the girl has nothing to hide then she will come to no harm.'

Minerva's face turned a funny shade of grey.

'But she is just a girl. Have you no mercy?' Filius asked.

Severus' gaze swept over the sea of heads in the Great Hall. The room had grown eerily quiet with groups of students leaning together in whispered conversation. As their Headmaster, it was his duty to protect his flock even at the cost of sacrificing his most beloved sheep.

'I want every student brought to return to their common room until I say otherwise,' he commanded, his tone brokering no room for objections. Without another word, he moved from the Great Hall, only to find Draco standing anxiously on the other side of the doors.

'Is it true my Auntie Bella is here?'

Severus dragged his hands down his face, allowing himself a single moment of weakness.

'Pansy saw her as she was coming down for dinner. She came back to get me at once,' Draco explained.

'If you know the answer then why are you asking,' Severus retorted.

'Do you know why she's here?'

'She wants to speak with Miss Granger.'

Draco visibly flinched, his face growing as pale as his hair. 'And you're going to let her?'

Severus' eyebrows raised nearly into his hairline. 'Are you suggesting I shouldn't?'

Draco shut his mouth and swallowed, clearly trying to compose himself. 'She'll kill her.'

'Doubtful, but I won't lie and say it wasn't a possibility,' he replied casually, before turning on his heel. He needed to find a quiet corner and fast.

Draco fell into line with him, the younger man's strides easily keeping up. 'You can't be serious.'

Severus stopped swiftly, his robes whipping around his legs as he fixed Draco with a cold stare. 'What did you think this life was like Draco? Did you think it was all fancy dinner parties and politics?' His lip curled in disgust. 'Give your head a shake. We are at war. The Dark Lord wants Potter, and he will stop at nothing to find him. If a Muggle-born dies in the process I assure you he will consider it no great loss. As should you,' he told him pointedly.

The boy looked away, but not before Severus had noted that his eyes had grown glossy and distant. 'What do you need me to do?' Draco asked finally, his voice devoid of emotion.

The gears in Severus' brain clicked into motion. 'Find Miss Granger and bring her to my office. I have no doubt you know where to look.'

Draco nodded once.

The moment he was out of sight, Severus ducked into the nearest empty classroom and swiftly locked the door.

'Dobby!'

There was a loud pop and the house elf stood before him.

'Does Headmaster Snape have another letter for Miss Hermione, sir?'

'No.' Severus's knees shook with adrenalin. 'I need you to go to Miss Granger at once. She's in the marble vault.'

'The room you had Dobby prepare last week, sir?'

'Yes, that's the one. Tell her…' he licked his dry lips, his thoughts stuttering. Tell her I'm sorry. 'Tell her to get to the library immediately. Draco Malfoy will be looking for her.' He pressed the palms of his hands tightly against his eyelids, mentally trying to catalogue the age of the potions and which steps were next required.

'Blast,' he hissed. 'There's no hope for it.'

'Headmaster Snape, sir?'

'Dobby, listen carefully — tell her to place a stasis on the first potion. It'll stop it from exploding, at the very least. Tell her to add the Gillyweed to the second. It's too early, but it should stabilise it for a time.'

The house elf placed his arms behind his back. 'Is there anything else Dobby can do for Headmaster Snape, sir?'

Severus shook his head and the house elf vanished from sight, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

'Fuck!'

He swung around and hit the locked door causing a bright burning pain to flare down his arm to his shoulder. Hours of brewing and priceless ingredients, wasted in seconds. Cradling his aching hand he collapsed against the wood, his chest rising with laboured breaths.

For the first time, he felt an inkling of compassion toward Dumbledore who had been torn between difficult decisions without any clear way out. He knew it was the right decision to give up Granger and were the old Wizard still alive and in control Severus would be down in the dungeons, working on a way to win back the support of Voldemort.

Miles below his feet, he pictured Granger adding the Gillyweed before climbing the ladder. Despite her earlier worry, she would be calm and level-headed, and completely oblivious to the pain about to destroy her world like a comet streaking through the sky. While Bellatrix wasn't a Legilimens, she was incredibly skilled at extracting words through her victims. He had no doubt Granger would do her best to keep her secrets but as Fillius said she was only a girl, and it would put everyone in grave danger if she were to accidently let slip some key information about Potter — or him.

Mindful of his now-damaged hand, Severus carefully arranged his robes around himself like armour.

The potion be damned, he would go to Granger. It was the least she deserved.

Keeping Bellatrix contained in the headmaster's office, as big as it was, reminded Severus of the giant cats he saw in cages as a child. She prowled up and down the room, the fabric of her long skirts making a swishing noise that grated on his nerves as they dragged along behind her. Too anxious to sit, he found himself leaning against the edge of his desk, his fingers drumming on the surface with what would appear to the others as impatience.

'Where is she.'

'Patience, Bella,' Severus intoned, checking his pocket watch. He would give Draco another five minutes before going to find Granger himself. It would do none of them any good if Bellatrix was in a foul mood before they even started.

There was a solid rap at the door.

'Enter,' he barked.

Granger came into the room followed by a scowling Draco sporting a bruise along his jaw that hadn't been there twenty minutes earlier. Granger appeared unhurt; her wand clenched tightly in her fist. It appeared she had learned something after all. He watched as her gaze swept the room, purposefully avoiding him before landing on Bellatrix.

'Kept us long enough,' Bella snarled, her hand on her hips.

To her credit Granger kept her chin high, pointedly ignoring the other witch as she turned to him at last. 'You wanted to see me, Professor Snape?'

The use of his formal name left a sour taste in the back of his mouth and his lip curled in reaction. 'Amycus, Mr Malfoy, you are dismissed.'

Draco didn't need to be told twice. He was nearly at the door when Bellatrix stopped him.

'They can stay.' She tipped her head back and gave Granger a long, appraising look. 'Draco, consider it part of your education.'

Granger pulled on her collar, her shoulders tensing as Amycus stepped behind her to block her exit. 'He'll need it,' she said with a note of false bravado. 'Has he told you I've consistently bested him in every test since we were eleven?'

'Have you told anyone how you got that scar on your face?' Draco hissed through his teeth, his wand drawn.

She squared her shoulders and peered down her nose at him. 'No, but would you like me to recount the events for the room?'

Oh, for fucks sake. Severus felt partially inclined to give the girl a smack across the head for her brazen attitude.

Bloody Gryffindors.

Bellatrix clicked her tongue, clearly amused by the altercation. 'Now, now, children. None of that.' She sauntered towards Granger, tapping her wand against the thick of her palm. 'Tell me, is it true you haven't seen Potter since the summer?'

Granger rolled her eyes dramatically. 'This again? In case you have forgotten, I've practically been kept prisoner in this school since the start of term. As he can attest to,' she scoffed, jerking her chin towards Severus.

'Watch your tone, Miss Granger,' he growled. 'Madam Lestrange is a guest of our school, and we must treat her with respect.

The muscles in her jaw worked before she gave Bellatrix a sickly-sweet smile. 'My apologies. But as I told Professor Snape at the beginning of the year, the last time I saw Harry was at Bill Weasley's wedding.'

Bella's finger traced her bottom lip. 'Except, unlike Dolohov, I was there that night. You were seen, but Potter was not.' She looked over Granger's shoulder at Severus, her eyes glittering. 'Dolohov also said you checked her mind. Which makes me think one of you is lying. So, which is it then?'

Granger's face grew pale.

Severus could feel his pulse quickening beneath his skin. Across the room Draco's brow furrowed as though he were trying to piece together an important part of a puzzle.

Granger stumbled backwards. 'Even if I did know where he was, what makes you think I would tell you.'

'Amycus, make yourself useful and grab the girl, will you?' Bellatrix instructed.

Before he could move a muscle Granger spun, training her wand at Draco. 'Lay your hands on me and I'll hex him.'

'Ya think I want to touch a dirty Mublood like yerself?' Grunted Amycus.

Draco shook his head. 'You hex me and what makes you think she wouldn't kill you.'

'Mr Malfoy speaks sense, for once,' Severus drawled, forcing himself to keep his tone even. 'Put your wand away Miss Granger and no one has to get hurt.'

It was a lie. Everyone in the room knew it. There was no way she was walking out of this room unscathed. Bellatrix sauntered towards her like a predatory beast sizing up its pray. It was enough to make Severus' blood boil and it took every inch of restraint not to strike her down where she stood.

He saw the way Granger's fingers clenched around her wand, her eyes flickering towards Draco as she worked out the odds. He had trained her long enough that he knew all her tells by now.

Don't, he wanted to plead with her.

Fight, another part of him urged.

Her wand raised just a fraction, and the pressure in Severus' chest nearly killed him.

Her lips parted, but he was quicker.

'Expelliarmus.' Her wand flew across the room and his hand closed around it.

Shock, then betrayal registered on Granger's face before she screamed in pain as Bella's voice rang out,

'CRUCIO!'

You had to mean it to cast a curse like an Unforgiveable, Bellatrix had drilled into their heads.

Magic that dark and that powerful demanded a price be paid in kind, tearing the very humanity from a person until there was nothing good left. Much like the happy memories that enabled a Patronus to take form, Unforgiveables fed off the more volatile emotions like rage and despair, and as Severus found, shame.

As Severus stood frozen in place, forced to bear witness to Granger's raspy screams filling Dumbledore's old office, he was once again brought back to the cold December evening in the middle of a pub where he had watched the life leave the eyes of a Muggle-born woman with mousy-brown hair. In the days following the event, he had consoled himself with the knowledge that, if nothing else, he had ended her pain by being her angel of death. There was a kindness in stopping the torture at the end of a wand like Dolohov's.

Minutes bled into each other and still, Granger didn't break. She didn't give into Bella's relentless punishment, didn't give up her friends, didn't give up him.

She could have. She could have easily ended the torment if she would only point the finger in his direction. Severus' gaze ripped away from her form as it arched off the ground, her back bent at such an angle he was sure he could hear the bones snapping. The pain in his chest reached a crescendo, and he pressed a hand to his diaphragm, his limbs cold.

He wanted to stop it. Needed to stop it, much like he felt the burning need to be sick all over the floor. His fingers reached for his wand, determined to end Granger's suffering at once. But the memory of her face swam in his blurry vision, cheerful and pleasant as it had in the Room of Requirements and he found that despite everything she had done for him, he couldn't grant her this one small mercy. He couldn't end her life. Shame flooded him along with the realisation that Potter had been right all along: Severus Snape was a coward.

The screams finally turned to whimpers and Severus looked back to see Bellatrix circling Granger.

His throat worked several times before he finally could find his voice.

'That's enough.'

Bella glared at him, her eyes un-focused and manic. 'She knows!'

'You have been at it for nearly an hour. It is not clear to you by now that the girl might actually be telling the truth?'

Granger lay curled on her side, panting. But she was alive — for now.

Bella's hair had grown damp with sweat, and she pushed her curls back from her forehead. 'But the girl knows something, I'm sure of it.'

He pushed past Amycus, angling himself between Bellatrix and Granger. 'She is not a powerful witch or an auror, but a girl, as you say,' he stressed, 'you have tortured her long enough that if she knew something she would have told you.'

Bella looked past his shoulder at Granger on the floor.

'He has a point,' Amycus interjected. Even he had gone green after a while, suddenly interested in the tapestries by the window where Draco sat, the boy looking oddly detached through the entire ordeal.

Severus didn't have enough mental capacity to worry about the Malfoy heir.

'If you break her mind, she'll no longer be of use to us,' Severus reasoned with her. 'And as much as I detest the insufferable girl, I do not think the Dark Lord would be pleased.'

Bellatrix fell back into one of the chairs in front of his desk, her eyes never leaving Granger. 'What does it matter? If, as you say, she knows nothing then what use will the Dark Lord have with her? Why not get rid of her now? Her death would send a message.'

From the corner he heard a sharp intake of breath he presumed was Draco's.

'It would…' Severus said slowly, choosing his words carefully. 'But there may be a time we could use her as a decoy.'

Her wand tapped impatiently against her knee. Below her Granger let out a moan causing his heart to clench painfully.

'Fine,' Bella spat at last. It wasn't until she stood up that he allowed himself to breath a small sigh of relief, though it did nothing to sooth the ache in his chest. She looked around the office as if for the first time, sneering at the portraits that had remained silent. 'I've had enough of this disgusting place. We should have burned it to the ground the last time we were here.'

She strode towards the door, but not before delivering a final kick to Granger's stomach with the toe of her boot. Hermione whined, curling further in on herself.

'Come Amycus,' Bella called over her shoulder as she descended the spiral stairs.

Amycus, not needing to be told twice, followed closely behind leaving Severus alone with Draco and Granger.

The room seemed larger without Bella's crowding presence, the whirring of Dumbledore's instruments a soft companion to the sound of Granger's laboured breaths. Severus fell back against his desk, his hands covering his face.

They had survived — just.

'Is she—' Draco asked tentatively, his unsaid question hanging heavy in the air.

'Physically? Yes. Mentally…' He sighed and looked at the boy. He couldn't afford himself any more glances at Granger's broken form. He wasn't sure he'd be able to keep his cover, and then all of Granger's pain would be for nothing. He waved his wand, conjuring a floating stretcher. 'Take her to Madam Pomfrey and tell her what happened.'

Draco stared at the stretcher, horrified. 'Me? But what if Pomfrey asks questions?'

'Then you answer her questions,' he snapped, running a hand through his hair. 'There's no hiding from this. Your dear aunt didn't exactly come quietly, and by now the Gryffindors would have realised the only student not to return is Granger. They'll assume the worst and they wouldn't be far off it.'

Draco swallowed thickly. 'I've heard stories of course… but I never thought she were capable of that.'

Severus shook his head incredulously. 'Then you haven't been paying attention.' He glanced again at his pocket watch, his panic rising anew. He wanted nothing more than to wrap Granger in cotton wool and spirit her far away from this hell, but his potions called.

They had lost too much time.

The Hospital Wing was quiet.

The light was off in Poppy's office, indicating she had gone to bed. That meant Granger's condition was stable enough, but Severus knew from experience that stable didn't mean everything was sunshine and roses. The Wing was mercifully empty, the only occupied bed currently cordoned off with curtains. Good. That would things marginally easier, at least. Approaching the bed quietly he lifted his hands, moving his wand in big sweeping motions while the air shimmered, the curtains going out of focus as though he had removed a pair of spectacles. The spell would mess with Poppy's monitoring charms, but at least it would give them privacy for a while.

He pushed past the curtains and his heart fell through the floor.

Granger was lying in bed, the blankets tucked up around her in a protective cocoon. In the moonlight, her skin appeared nearly translucent, her lips pale and bloodless. Deep furrows had appeared around her mouth and forehead, her fingers twitching where they lay on the bed. Someone had undone her plaits, and her brown hair was fanned around her, though her curls were limp and nearly straight. He knew it was an illusion, but she appeared so small and delicate lying there.

Severus placed her wand on the side table before lowering himself into the lone chair, his chin braced on his knuckles as he watched her chest slowly rising and falling. She was breathing with some difficulty and her lips parted to let out a low moan, her left leg kicking fitfully. Severus bit down on his hard on his bottom lip, his jaw working in anger as he realised the girl was still in pain, even in sleep.

The world was cruel and unfair. It was unfair that this bright, beautiful young woman was forced to fight for the right to use her magic. That because of her unwavering loyalty towards the Boy-Fucking-Wonder she was often the target of other's ire, purely because of her association. Once or twice over the last year he had questioned whether she was better placed in Ravenclaw or even Slytherin at a push — she was certainly ambitious enough for it. But the evening had proven to the world that she was every bit a brave little lion.

Guilt and self-loathing caused him to pitch forward, his head hanging low. He should have stopped it. He should have never allowed Bellatrix to go anywhere near Granger. If he were a better, braver man he would have stood up to the horrid bitch instead of letting her touch the girl he —

Granger woke then with a shout, her back arching off the bed. Severus tripped over the chair leg in his rush to get up, the damn thing clattering across the floor.

'No — no, don't — please —'

'It's alright, Hermione, you're alright,' Severus murmured, blindly grabbing for one of the potions on the side table while simultaneously trying to ease her back down onto the back down onto the bed. 'Come on, drink this. You're safe now.' Her eyes were wide and unfocused as she scratched at his hands, leaving red welts in their wake. He just about managed to tip the deep crimson liquid down her throat.

'Don't,' she spluttered. 'I don't want— get off— please, I didn't—'

'Shhh. I know.' He smoothed her hair back, feeling for the fever that had taken route through her bloodstream. The colour was coming back to her cheeks now, her bottom lip bruised where she had bitten down at some point. Severus uncorked the second bottle and lifted it to her lips, wincing when she shuddered so violently some dribbled down her chin. He wiped away the potion with the sleeves of his robes.

It was then that Granger seemed to come back to herself. All at once her eyes turned wide and bright and she flinched away from him, nearly knocking the bottle out of his hand in the process.

'Don't touch me!' She shrieked.

Severus backed off the bed, his hands in the air. 'Easy now, Granger.' So slowly, as though he were trying not to spook an animal, he righted the chair and put as much distance between them as the curtains would allow. 'Do you want me to get Madam Pomfrey?'

Granger pulled her blankets up to her chest like a wall, her nervous gaze darting between him and the small gap in the curtains. 'Where is she?'

'In her quarters, I presume, but I can—'

'Not her,' Granger rasped. 'Bellatrix.' The name came out in a fast rush and sent a shudder through her.

'Bellatrix is gone,' he assured her. 'She left the castle hours ago. She can't hurt you anymore.' This seemed to settle Granger marginally, her shoulders drooping. She still clutched the blankets in white fists. 'Would you like me to me to go find Madam Pomfrey for you?'

After a moment she shook her head. 'Stay.'

He nearly sighed in relief. There was no where he wanted to be. Sitting back down in his chair he studied her carefully, taking mental notes on the way her breathing still appeared laboured and her fingers trembled. 'How are you feeling?'

Tears welled in her eyes. 'Everything hurts.'

Severus swallowed thickly against the lump in his throat. 'Yes, well, she's unfortunately very adept at the Cruciatus Curse.'

She licked her lips, deep creases forming in the corners of her eyes. 'I didn't… I didn't tell her anything, did I?'

'No.' His heart thumped painfully in his chest. 'You didn't say a word.'

She closed her eyes, her head falling back against the pillows. Another tremor ran through her, and she looked away, but not before he noticed the tears spilling down her cheeks. His chest gave another uncomfortable squeeze.

He couldn't stand it anymore. He couldn't sit and watch her in pain while he did nothing. Abruptly he stood. 'You need to sleep.'

'Don't leave me,' she pleaded, the panic causing her voice to rise.

Severus gripped the back of the chair, his stomach somersaulting. There was an invisible line drawn between them, one that he knew if he crossed, he could never come back from. The Hospital Wing was quiet save for Granger's ragged breath, but he could still hear the sounds of her screams echoing off the walls of the office only hours ago.

Away in another life was a girl with autumn red hair whose life he had gambled with and lost. The acute pain would never go away in his chest, even after he had atoned for his sins and sold his soul for a better cause. Even after all these years, Severus could never let her go— not truly. And yet…

Granger stared up at him with her big brown doe eyes, still clouded with pain and exhaustion. Severus didn't deserve her apparent fondness for him nor the strange friendship that had slowly taken root between them anymore than he deserved a shot at true redemption. It was too late for him now.

Yet he found he couldn't deny her anything.

Reluctantly he dragged the chair closer to the edge of her bed and sat down. Her hand reached out across the blankets and without giving it another thought he caught it, holding it tightly within his own.

'You look dreadful,' he teased, an echo of her words nearly a fortnight prior. She laughed hoarsely before wincing and his fingers tightened reflexively around hers. Suddenly she gasped.

'The potions! Professor, you need to go, I added the Gillyweed like you asked, but it turned a funny colour, so I tried turning it clockwise for a bit and then—'

'Bloody typical,' he interrupted, rolling his eyes. 'She nearly dies and she's more concerned about her homework.'

Her face turned thunderous for a moment before ripping her hand out of his grip to swat at his arm. He would have scolded her for the cheek, if it weren't for the way her eyes danced with mirth and for the first time since their hellish evening began something like relief eased in his chest. He caught her hand again and — as he would replay the moment over in his mind a million times over — pressed his lips to the cool skin of her wrist.

'You've done enough today,' he said softly. 'Rest now.'

Author's Note:

WELL.

I hope you can understand now why it took me months to write this chapter. This was one of the first scenes I had in my head when I started writing, and when it came to writing it I just... couldn't. It was so challenging to pull off, I really hope I did them both justice. It's been an emotional journey and I appreciate every one of you coming along for the ride. Go have some chocolate now.

A big thank you to the lovely people over at the Insufferable-know-it-all discord server for continually cheering me on, listening to me whinge and generally just being a fantastic group of people. And a special thanks to lordblendi for alpha reading this chapter and giving me some very helpful feedback!

Playlist:
Running Up That Hill, Placebo (this scene was ENTIRELY inspired by this song... it's just.. AHH)
Je te laisserai des mots, Patrick Watson
Letting Go, Dotan