a/n: Well, I've been dreading this day for a year now.
Today marks the one-year anniversary of Jason David Frank's passing. I know to some it's silly but he played a very important role in my love of PR and I was also lucky enough to have several conversations with him over the years. There's an empty part of my love of PR now and I don't think it'll ever be filled again. I've been toying with an idea to mark this day and this is what I came up with. Warning; it's sad. I think that's a given but I just wanted to let everyone know ahead of time.
I can still remember exactly where I was when I heard the whispers of a rumor on the internet of his passing and that's what inspired this.
As always, my inbox is always open if you ever feel like you have no where else to turn.
Thank you, JDF.
How They Remember You
A Power Ranger One-Shot
Zach
I was in the studio.
It was quarter after nine and I had just logged on to the computer to prepare for the session coming in. It was a group of rappers trying to make it big on the scene by recording demos. I can't even tell you their names really. I just remember that the box was empty and I was taking a sip of my coffee while the screen loaded when my phone rang. I usually keep it on silent when I'm at the control panel but it was still early. When I saw Jason's name on the screen, I almost hit ignore. We were going to see each other that night though and I figured he wanted to talk about our plans. I still had a few minutes before anyone would be showing up. So, I sat back in the chair, kicked my feet up and answered it.
Aisha
Rocky had forgotten his gym bag. Again.
I had tripped over it when I came down the stairs. It was right at the bottom of the stairs and I tripped over it as I was putting in my earrings. I remember swearing and checking to see if his truck was still there. I had been surprised that it was but relieved because I was about to let him have it. The kids were running like crazy upstairs, trying to get their stuff together for the bus. I knew they were going to be late from the moment our alarms went off this morning. I knew I sounded like a crazy lady, yelling at the boys to get their asses dressed and shoes on while I did my best to get some kind of breakfast on the table. By the time they were done eating, I had time for a thirty second shower. Rocky was heading out the door when I went into the bathroom so I wasn't sure why he was still there. When I picked up his bag to bring it outside, I saw that he was standing next to the truck with the door opened. I was forming the words to yell at him as I went out on the porch but then I saw his face.
Adam
It was my day off.
I rarely get those these days. Ever since the band and I started our nation wide tour, it's been non-stop from gig to gig. I had been home for once, enjoying my last couple of days without something to do. I was honestly cooking some meals for the band to keep on the tour bus to have so we didn't have to eat fast food every day. I had just started boiling some rice when I heard the alert my phone had gone off. I put it off, wanting to finish what I was doing first. Music had been playing on the speakers and I was dancing my little heart away to the top 20 of the week. I was excited about our line of upcoming shows in the midwest. I had never been to Montana or Indiana so I wanted to make sure to get something to remember each state. When my phone went off again and again, I knew I needed to answer it. I can recall setting my potholders down and wiping my hands on a kitchen towel as the end of my favorite Cage the Elephant sound played. I nearly dropped my phone when I picked it up because my fingers were still wet. I almost didn't recognize the voice on the other end when I answered it.
Rocky
I was trying to avoid helping Aisha with the kids.
It was selfish of me, I know that now. But as soon as we got up that morning, they were all over the place. She was good at rounding them up for breakfast while I got ready for the dojo but I could hear them screeching and fighting as she tried to get them back to their rooms to finish getting ready. I should have been down there helping her but I knew if I hid in the bathroom, I could slip out once the coast was clear and get out of there without having to suffer through that. I still feel guilty about it and I wished I had helped. I suppose it was a blessing in disguise though. I had just gone outside to the truck and realized I had forgotten my bag in my rush. I had opened up the driver side door and was trying to decide if I had time to run back inside. The phone rang and I knew that if I didn't hurry, Aisha would give me a lecture about not helping her like every morning. I was half way back up the driveway when I answered the phone.
Billy
Physics be damned.
Everything that morning had been near perfect. When I had awoken, I had received news via email that my research project would go into the next round of treatments as hoped. It would be groundbreaking work on the study of various healing techniques centered in the art of cancer research. It had been something I had worked on for countless months and I was proud of my work heading into the next phase of the process. I had also discovered I still had a leftover gift card for a free cup of coffee and a danish on my way to the lab. There hadn't been any traffic in the drive thru when I got there and it was smooth sailing as I made it onto the highway, my car seeming to be the only one on it. The sky was blue, the sun was shining and it was shaping up to be a great day of possibilities. I recall thinking to myself the list of things I needed to complete first when I arrived at the lab. I knew that there was analysis to be finalized and more inputs to adjust. I had been almost to my exit on the highway when the phone rang over the bluetooth in the car.
Jason
I was laying in bed.
I had just gotten off a 24 hour shift, spending 16 of that in the ambulance. It had been a night of car accidents and trying to piece together people. We had managed to save everyone and had no issues when we did drop offs at the hospital. My entire body was sore and I had never felt so much relief throwing sweat pants on and falling into bed. I had work in 16 hours and I had planned on sleeping for a good number of those hours. I was curled up with my blankets and my dog, Casper, was laying in the bed next to me as I did some last minute scrolling on my phone. I was exhausted and was getting ready to plug my phone in to roll over when I got a text message from my buddy at the station. He asked me about the Knicks game that night and if I wanted to play any of the fantasy leagues they had going. I joked with him for a minute. That's when the notification came across the top of the screen from the EMS app we all use on shift. I had forgotten to turn it off before I laid down. I pulled down the top of the screen and saw it was a call for an unresponsive person at an unknown address. I brushed off, making it clear to myself that it was not my problem.
Then it updated.
Unresponsive male reported at 135 Elmwood Drive, Angel Grove.
Zach
I ran out of the studio so fast, I barely managed to get the words out that I needed to leave. It felt like my mind was just making me go through the motions as I had climbed into the truck and headed away from downtown. I remember that the radio was playing but it felt weird, like circus music at a funeral. I remember I had tried to call my parents and Angela but no one had answered. I knew they were all probably at work so I just kept driving, trying my best to keep my focus and attention on the road rather than the thoughts that were daring to send me over the edge again. I had gripped the steering wheel, my thoughts going to my childhood and those I saw every day. I knew I needed to get to Angel Grove as fast as I could.
Aisha
I remember hearing screaming. I don't remember if it was me or just my mind imagining it. But Rocky was doing his best to get the kids on the school bus that had pulled up out front. The kids stared at me as they were rushed on but I just stared at the big yellow vehicle as it drove away, unsure if they had grabbed backpacks or lunches before leaving. I remember asking again and again if he was lying or joking, unable to believe him for what he was saying. Our phones kept ringing but I couldn't bring myself to answer them. I couldn't. I couldn't hear it from anyone else. I paced the driveway, trying my best to keep my breathing controlled. I remember thinking that it wasn't true and that Rocky had misspoke or heard wrong. There was no way it was true and that he had always been an idea. This was one of those times he was trying to be funny. But he just stood there looking at me and I knew it was true from the look on his face.
Adam
I had been in such a rush to get my things together to go that I wasn't sure if I even had grabbed a phone charger or matching sneakers. I remember ordering the Uber and shoving random things into the duffel bag I was bringing. I also remember just zoning into the task at hand, not allowing myself to think about what I was getting ready to face. I had turned off all the cooking, just leaving it all there. It didn't matter. None of that mattered now. I remember being so flustered that I couldn't find my house keys and that I couldn't remember where I had set the rest of my clothes I had washed the night before. I don't even think I had a full outfit that matched in the bag when I Left my apartment. The Uber had been outside when I got out there and I told him the address. I had texted Billy to let him know I was heading his way and then I had texted my manager to let him know that I wouldn't be reachable for a while. I must have texted like twenty people to let them know. PRobably would have made more sense to group chat everyone but my mind wouldn't allow me to think in a straight line. It was going a mile a minute. I just knew that what I was heading into was going to be the hardest thing I had ever had to face and I wasn't sure how I was going to do it.
Rocky
My hands were numb. Weird thing to remember, right? It wasn't the whole hand, just the fingertips. And I remember thinking that I couldn't feel my nose either. Who can actually feel their nose though without thinking about it? I pushed through that and made sure the kids made it on the bus. I figured having them gone for the time would be the best course of action. I knew we were leaving to deal with this and I didn't want Aisha to have to be Mom-mode while this was happening. My wife was a strong person and probably the most composed personI knew. But as I looked over at her in the front seat, I saw someone who was hanging on by a thread to their self control and I feared if we had rushed away from the house too soon for her to be able to handle this. And how was I going to handle it?
Billy
The blinker. I remember hearing it click over and over and over again as I sat on that shoulder. I knew I had to move the car as it wasn't safe there. But it meant moving it myself and I just couldn't get my arms to function. It was unfathomable to think I needed to do something so minimal as to move the car. I worked in steps, getting the process done. Hands on the wheel, put it in drive, roll forward. I had to leave the highway and get back on to go the other direction. There still hadn't been any cars and when I managed to get myself to do what needed to be done, the coast had been clear. I remember wishing that we still had access to the ability to teleport. I can still feel the pain and dread that had filled my chest as I drove towards Angel Grove. I had to be there before she found out.
Jason
When Billy had pulled up, I was still standing at the end of the driveway behind the ambulance. I remember that my boss had said some things to me that I couldn't get my mind to grasp. I remember Billy walking towards me and the tightness in my chest as I struggled to find words to say to him. My boss spoke to Billy and I just stood there, wondering what had to happen next. Birds chirping felt foreign. The sunshine was intrusive. It all felt like part of an alternate universe that I could rip my way out of. I wanted putties to show up. I wanted the weekly bad guy to come and go, resetting the day back to normal. But there was none. I can still remember the sound of the ambulance doors shutting, a sound I heard so many times a day, this time they echoed in my ears as I thought about what it meant before it rode away from us. I had looked over at Billy who nodded, the both of us knowing what we had to do next.
Kimberly
I thought it was a surprise.
It was foolish of me to think that I realize as I look back now. I mean, it was the middle of the week. Why would they all take the day off to surprise me randomly? But that's what I first thought when I heard the doorbell. I had been sitting at the dining room table drinking my cup of coffee. I hadn't started my new job yet so my plans for the day were unpacking and errands for the move.
When I opened the door, I first saw that Jason and Billy were there. Then Zach was behind them climbing out of a car. I remember I had made a joke about making more coffee if I had known and that I didn't even know where my coffee cups were. But then I noticed Rocky and Aisha pull up. Followed by Adam who climbed out of an Uber. They all stood on my front porch, avoiding eye contact with me. I looked up and down the street, looking for the familiar white pick up truck that belonged to Tommy. I knew he'd be along shortly if they were all here.
Wouldn't he be?
It had been Billy that suggested we go into the house. I did, still unsure of exactly what was going on. We all crammed into my still fully packed living room, no one speaking as we did. I remember finally telling them that they needed to get whatever was going on over with because I couldn't take it any more.
"Tommy died."
I still hear those words when I close my eyes in the quiet. It's like it plays on repeat in my brain no matter how hard I try to erase it from its place where it's embedded.
The disbelief that followed was quickly replaced with realization filled screams before I collapsed into a heap on the floor, Billy and Aisha doing their best to catch me before I landed. I kicked my coffee table, sending everything on it flying. I screamed until I couldn't, sobbed until I dry heaved, and crumbled into a ball on the floor.
All the words I had saved in my heart that I had left unspoken would now live there to die forever, the ears they were meant for doing the same.
It felt like a century before someone decided to pick me up and set me on the couch. Everything is fuzzy from that moment on, grief not allowing me to remember anything else. I remember trying to find my phone to try to call him but that was when they explained to me what had happened to him. My mind wouldn't allow the words to process in my brain and I allowed it to play the defense game. I just kept picturing him there in front of me, saying that it was wrong and that he was trying to find me. I felt lost under the surface of shallow water that wouldn't let me break.
The love of my life was gone.
Zach
The funeral was a week later. I don't know how we all managed to make it, especially Kimberly. We all walked on eggshells around her. She barely spoke, locking herself in the spare bedroom at Billy's house. Fear grew in our group of what might happen so Aisha would do hourly checks on her to make sure she was safe. We took turns talking to her through the door and bringing her food she never touched.
Tommy was the missing part of our group in the beginning and was now forever going to be that part again. I keep thinking back to those memories I had from school, trying to teach him to dance or him giving us pointers on dancing. Watching him fall in love with Kimberly in the beginning. It made me wonder if he had been so lost in what he was missing that he didn't find a way to come back to the present.
I'll always remember him as the one that made our team a family.
Aisha
I was convinced Kim was next.
No one wanted to disturb her right then but I couldn't stand the idea that my best friend was in that room, going through this and thinking she had no other option than following in her lost love's footsteps. I made my way into that room every hour, making sure she was still with us. Each time, she laid in the same spot on the bed facing the wall. She wasn't eating. She wasn't talking to anyone. She just laid there, staring at the wall and the wall staring back at her. I laid with her some times, talking when she wasn't or just being quiet. She'd cry, not saying a word as she did. She didn't have to. I just laid with her, rubbing her back or braiding her hair so it wasn't in her face. I'd ask her to eat or to come out for a moment. She never answered though.
Tommy was her person. I remember his sweetness. He had always been the kind and big hearted kid who loved to help others. Him and Kim brought the best out of each other, regardless of what was going on that day and who we were battling. It was like they completed each other in a way that no one on the outside of our circle could even begin to understand.
I'll always remember him as the one who made my best friend whole.
Adam
The days leading up to the funeral were filled with assisting with plans and making sure we as a group were stable. It felt like we needed to take turns with our grief, each of us remembering that Kimberly needed us the most. Aisha was laying vigil to her, in a protective manner that was allowing her to be as helpful as she could for someone who was almost comatose in grief. I took turns, bringing her food and not saying much. I didn't know what to say to her. There were no words. Instead, I sat at the foot of the bed and allowed my presence to be there with her in a way that wasn't pressuring or demanding her to reach out. Once, she reached out and held my hand for a few moments. I squeezed it, letting her know I was there for her. She went back to her recluse state and I left, knowing that Kim was still inside of the shell she was.
Tommy was the first friend I had here in Angel Grove after I moved from Stone Canyon outside of Aisha and Rocky. He made sure I felt included, even when I wasn't up to being outgoing or out of my shell. He allowed me to be myself and to be as open as I wanted to be when I was ready. He was the one who came to all my first gigs and bought me my first amp when I was ready to try to record a single. He was the biggest supporter I had in my corner for the longest time.
I'll remember him as the one who raised me up to who I became.
Rocky
I prayed. A lot. I didn't know what else to do at the time. I was honestly upset with God and how he could allow this to happen. I demanded answers and asked for him to show me why this had happened, especially after each time Aisha would come out of Kim's room. She'd be more upset and would cry with worry about her best friend. She told me she was terrified of losing Kimberly too and didn't know when it would be time to call for help. I held her as she cried, unsure of what to say to her. During the times she was with her, I'd use it to check in with Tommy's ex-wife, Kat, and their son, JJ. Kat told me to give Kim her condolences and to let her know that her and JJ were thinking of her. I couldn't bring myself to say that to her when it was my turn to bring her food or check on her. Instead, I'd just tell her I was there if she needed me.
Tommy was the strongest fighter and man I've ever known. The raw talent and skill he had for fighting made him the leader that he was borned to be. It was no shock to us to find out he was a Ranger really. He fought with everything he had, regardless of what he was going through. He had more strength than anyone I've ever known.
I'll remember him as the one who led us with his heart.
Billy
I had escorted Kimberly to the funeral. Jason and I had elected to let her decide how she wanted to get there and my car was the one she had walked to. Afterwards, she came back to Jason's and locked herself back inside the room again. Aisha and Rocky had to return to their home and their children. Adam had responsibilities for his job. It was clear they didn't want to leave during her time, especially Aisha, but they had to. Jason, Zach, and I promised to let them know if anything changes and to check in with Aisha about Kimberly. We took shifts staying with her and reaching out to her mother who was flying in as soon as she could. Kimberly barely spoke and I wasn't aware of her consuming anything in my presence. I almost said what I was thinking when I was in the room but I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to tell her we all missed him and that there was no way to bring him back. I couldn't tell her that we'd trade ourselves for him any day if it meant bringing him back for her.
Tommy was intelligent in a way that he never recognized. What he lacked in educational intelligence, he made up for with his ability to handle tactically movements and recognizing the strengths in anyone. Tommy didn't have a mean bone in his body and he stood up for those who needed it. He was a true friend and was a good person to have in your corner, even when he lacked confidence in himself.
I'll remember him as the one who was always humble and kind.
Jason
Night times were the worst. Billy and I would take turns sleeping in the living room near the bedroom. I'd lay on the couch, trying my best to not think about losing Tommy and what it meant for our group. That's when I'd hear Kim start sobbing loudly until she would end up screaming. I'd have to run in then, comforting her until she was asleep. Every time she did it, it would break my heart. It reminded me of the times I went through after I lost Trini and Kim was there for me even with her grief. My body ached for Trini and it ached for the fact Kimberly was now in my shoes, a curse I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. It was like waking up and discovering half of you had been chopped off for eternity. I didn't blame her for her vow of silence and her catatonic state. It would take time for her to bring herself to a state where she'll be able to face the reality of the situation. I would be here with everyone else when that moment came.
Tommy was the brother I never had. He showed what it meant to be a regular guy who had his struggles to deal with but didn't blink an eye when it came to helping those close to him. He was always the first one to volunteer for anything and would answer the phone no matter what. He listened to any problem someone had and would support them. When Trini died, he drove four hours in the middle of the night to make sure I wasn't alone. He made sure that Kim wasn't alone when she found out. He worked through the emotions of losing Kim to ensure that he was there for the both of us. He found a way for the both of them to be together again after all these years, giving Kim the life she needed back.
I'll remember him as the one who showed me what being a friend is.
Kimberly
It felt like there was a hole in my very soul. There was no other way to describe it. Something had been ripped from me and the shattered pieces left behind were ripping into the remaining parts of me. It was blinding and crippling, a pain no one could see from the outside. I hid in the bedroom for days, wanting the outside world to stay out. For a long time, I thought if I didn't speak to anyone, they couldn't tell me it was true. I could live in a blissful state of denial where Tommy was still here and that I didn't have to bring myself to realize the truth.
Tommy was gone.
Every time I closed my eyes, I could picture him sitting at my dining room table. He had been there just the night before, telling me about the papers he had to grade and what he needed to get done that night. He told me that he was feeling anxious and that he was looking forward to the week of Thanksgiving off. I kept telling myself I should have said more to him. I should have talked to him longer. I should have held him, regardless of our agreement that we'd wait until I was settled in. I should have made him tell me what he was feeling and to stay. It would have been better than me just telling him it would get better and that I'd call him the next day.
His neighbor found him with a noose around his neck in the garage.
I keep reliving moments I never witnessed, wondering what he did before he put it around his neck and what he was thinking before that. Did he try to reach out to anyone? Did he cry? Did he think that he had no other option? Or that he couldn't reach out to any of us? Why didn't I call him sooner? Why didn't I make him stay?
He left a note, one that said he was sorry for what he had done and that he couldn't deal with his demons anymore that were consuming him. He wrote that he loved me with his whole heart and that he valued all of our friends. That was it. His entire life was summoned up into a few short sentences. No explanation as to why he didn't talk to me before he took our futures away from us.
I was so angry. It consumed me more than the sadness did most of the time. I was mad at him for ending his life without asking for help. For thinking this was the only solution. For cementing our lives with this awful darkness forever. I was mostly mad at myself for not doing everything in my power to make sure the man I loved with my heart and soul was alright. I didn't see the signs and I didn't allow myself to see past the front he was good at putting up. I allowed myself to live in the notion we'd have the next day. The next month. The next year. Instead, I lived in a fantasy that we were back to where we had left off.
Tommy was this dark haired stranger I spotted from across the room and knew that he was the one meant for me. It wasn't a crush or some little school girl feeling. Something inside of my being told me that we were designed by fate to be with each other. We fought a constant uphill battle to be together but we were, taking the world by storm no matter the weather. When we broke up because of a foolish miscommunication, I felt lost. I didn't know how to make my life have meaning again without him in it. Then when Trini died, life decided I needed a second chance at love again and brought him back to my life. He's my rock and my shoulder to lean on for support.
Why wasn't I that for him?
It took weeks and my mother being back home for me to feel ready to face the world. It was a slow process but I managed to get myself set up on the path I set out to do. Only, the road felt empty and deserted because of the loss of my companion in life. Everyone worked with me to make sure I was okay to get back on track and manage my life. No matter what I did, I felt like I was missing the right side of my body. Nights were filled with laying there, thinking about our times together and what was taken from me.
As time passed though, it went from what was taken from me to what I had left. I found a way to grasp on to those moments we had and smile at the memories. I connected with his son JJ and told him about the times when we were kids the best I could. I told him why he should be proud to be the son of Tommy Oliver. I found the strength to live for the both of us, carrying on that legacy he left behind him. I refused to let the loss of his life become the meaning of mine. I wanted to preserve everything he worked for and make it stand out in the sea of sadness his absence left.
I helped his student work through their grief. I created a fundraiser to design a scholarship for students who exhibited the same qualities as Tommy; integrity, friendship, loyalty, support, kindness, leadership. As a group, we created a karate program for underprivileged kids in the foster care system to provide them with a way to learn those qualities and opportunities that Tommy wanted to give to others.
I lived for Tommy. I carried his life with every step I took and breath I breathed. I live the life he'd want me to with his love still shaping me.
I'll remember him as the one who taught me how to love.