Metal couldn't say that he slept exactly. It was more like resting his eyes while keeping one ear open and telling his brain to shut up for ten seconds.
His body hardly relaxed and while the long talks with Ray, Naima and Jason had helped quiet things down, his mind was not ready to give in so even in sleep he was thinking.
Waking up this morning life had been simple, mostly predictable and straight forward. He only had himself and his team to worry about. Now…now there was a little girl who needed him even though he was certain she was terrified of him.
The second he saw her sitting outside Blackburns office he'd gotten a dreadful feeling that this wasn't going to go well. Then his little ninja ran away because she was convinced he didn't want her and thought her only other options were foster care or an uncle who frightened her more than he did.
He was still a mixture of proud and frustrated about that. Frustrated and a little livid that she was so failed by the adults in her life that she thought the only way to keep herself safe was to run away, and proud that his girl had given them all the slip for as long as she did.
After nearly an hour of searching the mall for her, he'd been beyond relieved when Sonny texted them all saying he might have seen her heading for the bookstore but couldn't be certain. She'd seen Sonny and he walked the opposite way, not wanting to spook her into hiding again. That opened the door for Scott to double round and follow her at a distance into the store, waiting for her to get comfortable in a corner with her tablet before approaching.
He'd snuck up on her easily once she was absorbed in searching for train tickets, bus tickets and directions to her beloved cabin by the lake.
If he hadn't been so damn relieved to finally catch her and still unaware of why she ran, he might have felt worse about scaring her the way he did.
He regretted it now, of course. He had the second the poor thing passed out right into his arms less than two minutes later. That only grew even more when she started crying about the uncle.
Grimacing, Metal rolled over, aware he was asleep and yet not asleep all at once.
Naima assured him that despite the rocky start she had every confidence they would do just fine.
"You, of all people, know what that little girl is going through right now." Naima had reminded him while Jason had Angie out of the house for a walk.
'I still had my mom and my sister when dad died. The kid is being left with a complete stranger that she is terrified of, Naima. Every time she looks at me, I can see it. She's a good actor, but she can't hide that. I know she's scared. How the fuck am I supposed to look after her, give her what she needs, make her feel safe when she's scare of me?" He hadn't meant to take the worry and frustration out on Naima. She wasn't ruffled in the slightest. He'd looked out the window then and seen Jason crouched down in front of Angie, talking to her about a block away and holding out his hand to her. He was heartened when she took it. The kid needed someone to hold on to. "Maybe she should stay with-"
"No. Scott Carter, don't you dare put her somewhere other than with you." Naima had nearly smacked him up the side of the head. "Yes, She might be a scared little girl right now, and yes, you might not have made the best first impression which likely isn't helping things right now, but I know you. You'll find a way to get past that and she'll be better off for it. Give it a little time. She'll trust you soon enough. You had Jameelah trust you in a matter of seconds after not seeing you for years. You'll manage something similar with Angie."
"I had the background of Jameelah knowing of me, knowing that you and Ray trusted me, and at least some vague recollection of me holding her when she was little. Angie doesn't have any of that."
"So it takes a little more time." Naima brushed his arm comfortingly, something he would only accept from very choice individuals. "Be patient, Scott. I know that's a strength of yours, so use it."
A soft whimper dragged his eyes open and Metal was instantly wide awake, listening for the child across the hall.
He'd heard her cry out once right before he went to bed and deemed that cause enough to slip into her space briefly to check on her. She'd still been asleep, but in the light of the fairy lights above her bed he could see dried, salty tear tracks down her cheeks. He'd had to mute a curse when he saw them, hating that she'd been hurting and all alone.
She hadn't made a sound. They'd all been listening for her. Naima was ready to go in and hold her at the first hint of crying, but they didn't sense anything so they left her in peace. Based on how thick those stains on her cheeks were, she'd managed to cry herself to sleep without them knowing.
The whimper changed into a horrified gasp of, "Oh no."
He was out of bed and halfway across the hall in less than three seconds, lifting his hand to knock on the door just as another mortified little whimper escaped from the child.
"No…oh, please no…"
A soft sob filled the room and Scott knocked softly saying with as much calm and lack of his typical gruffness as he could muster, "Angie? Are you ok?"
The child didn't answer, going utterly quiet for a moment.
"Angie, if you don't answer, I have to come in."
"I...I'm…" Angie broke off with a desperate sob and didn't speak further.
"Ok. I'm coming in, kid."
He opened the door slowly, taking in the picture that greeted him without judgment and carefully calculating his next movements.
Angie was sitting in the middle of her bed, blankets kicked back, clutching the sheets around her as she started sobbing, "No, nononono."
He spied the contrast of color in the sheet's fabric and put two and two together. Naima had warned him this could happen and they'd prepared for it in advance with a mattress protector and second linens set aside, ready to go.
"Hey," He said quietly as he moved slowly into the room, keeping his distance at first for fear of scaring her further. Compassion twisted in his stomach and he willed it to show on his face or at least in his words. "Angie…it's ok-"
Shame heated the girl's cheeks and she cried harder, "It's not ok! I…I wet the bed. Like a baby !"
"I get it." Metal crouched down so he wasn't as intimidating and watched his kid closely. "It doesn't feel good and I know you're embarrassed, but kid, I'm not mad and I'm not going to lecture you. It just happens sometimes, even to grown ups."
She cast a glare at him that was purely his own genetics coming through and he had to fight the sudden, irrational urge to smile at her fierce little spirit.
"Grown-ups don't wet the bed." She told him hotly.
"Don't we." He answered drily.
"Well…" Angie hesitated, "Maybe a few, but, I bet you haven't."
She was losing her nerve now, and Metal watched the spice slipping away as fast as it appeared. Oh, but she would be a firecracker when she grew in confidence with him. He was going to have his hands full. No doubt about that.
"Actually I have." He told her simply, leaving out the details of when and why it happened. She wasn't ready to know about recovering from being shot and stabbed or random physical responses days later to hair raising experiences. "A few more times than I care to admit in my adult life. Sometimes the body just does funny things in response to life events, or when it's hurting and in pain and we just gotta deal with it."
Tears still trailing down her cheeks, Angie sniffled and hiccuped with her head hung.
"Come on." He rose, opened the closet and found the second set of pj's and underwear that Naima mentioned setting aside. "Up you get. Go to the bathroom. Get a towel from the second cupboard. Have a shower and wash off, then put these on and come find me. I'll look after the rest."
Silently, Angie slunk out of bed and did as she was told, still avoiding eye contact and cheeks flaming with humiliation.
When she came out twenty minutes later she was calmer, but still defeated.
There was silence between them, broken only by the low hum of the laundry machine in the background as she crept into the living room and waited for him to speak first. She hovered near the wall in the shadows.
"Want to watch a movie?" He asked casually, as if she wasn't half hiding from him while he finished marking a few things down in his phone to look up and do later.
Startled, Angie raised her head and properly met his eye.
"R-really? Right now?"
"Unless you want to go back to bed."
"No."
"Ok. Then come sit down and pick something."
Edging over to the couch nervously, Angie curled herself up on the opposite end to him and frowned. "I don't know what I want to watch…"
"Alright." He took it in stride, forcing the tension in his shoulders to leave and using the same method he did when dealing with terrified hostages to keep himself from sounding or seeming threatening. "What will help get your mind off things. Something new that you haven't seen, or something you have seen."
Considering with a serious look, Angie chewed her lip and said softly, "Maybe…maybe something new. All my favorites…I used to watch with…"
Her eyes got over bright and she couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence. Metal wasn't about to make her.
"New it is," He agreed without an ounce of gravel in his voice. "Tell me your favorites first, then maybe we can find something you'll like based on that."
Flicking a curious glance over at him, Angie relaxed a fraction and rested her head on the pillowed end of the couch while peering at the Disney account on the screen. Trent let him use his account and the man had already gone in and made a profile for Angie.
"I like Frozen, and Tangled…and Brave." Her posture perked up with interest and her head lifted from where it was resting. "I haven't seen Zootopia yet."
"Would you like to watch that?"
Angie nodded, brown eyes flicking over to him again. They were more shy right now than frightened, which Metal took as a win.
"Ok. Zootopia it is."
They fell quiet as the movie began.
Metal half watched the movie with her. It had its clever moments meant for adults that he appreciated the humor of. Mostly he kept an eye on Angie, taking the opportunity of her being distracted to properly observe her when she wasn't trying to keep it together.
There were moments where, if he was still enough, she would forget about him and the lines of anxiety melted off her sharp, freckled little face as she got absorbed into the story. Her dark eyes were expressive. He was painfully aware of that already, but it was a relief to see something other than worry and fear reflecting in them. When she smiled or held back a silent giggle, she would wrinkle her nose. He recognized the nose. It was his own, but he thought it suited her better than his did. He'd broken his too many times. The darkish, soft, honey colored curls were what got him the most. They were her mom's curls, through and through. He would never admit it to his team, but he melted a little inside when they framed Angie's sweet face.
When she curled in on herself tighter and started to shiver subtly, he got up slowly and crossed the floor in front of the coffee table where she could see him. He could feel her wary gaze track him all the way down the hall where he opened the linen closet and retrieved a blanket.
Pausing before heading back again, he ducked into her room and snagged her stuffed dog and a pillow off the freshly made bed.
It wasn't until he was moving quietly back to the couches that Angie ducked her head back down and pretended she hadn't been watching. Playing along, Metal acted like he hadn't noticed.
"Sit up a little, please." He instructed as he crouched next to her, trying not to react when her eyes went big at his nearness or feel tired when she stiffened with a cloud of partially hidden apprehension.
He slipped the pillow under where her head had been when she obeyed, handed her the stuffed dog, and then calmly flicked the blanket over her small body as she curled back up again.
Steeling himself, because he could feel her watching and anticipated the same shadow of fearfulness that showed every time he was this near, he met her big eyes.
She was serious, as usual, but despite the predictable anxiety still present, Metal also spotted confusion mixed with contemplation.
"Do you need anything else?" He asked softly, keeping his hands resting on his knees as he prepared to get up again.
Angie shook her head, then, just as he was about to cross the long way around back to his own side of the couch, her pure, sweet voice said, "Thank you."
Amusement crinkled around his eyes and his mouth tugged a little. She really was well trained to have good manners.
"You're welcome." He said, meaning it and hoping it came across warmly enough.
His girl settled again, letting the movie take her away to another world until her eyes grew heavy and she started to fight sleep.
Metal didn't interfere directly. When she jolted and cast a quick, wild look at him after nearly fading off, he let his own eyes fall the rest of the way shut with his head leaned back against the back of the couch, his feet up and arms crossed over his chest. He'd been watching the movie through half closed eyes for a few minutes now and currently he left them open the tiniest sliver of a crack so he could still see what Angie would do next.
The child had a long, almost comical debate with herself as she measured out how convinced she was of his sleeping.
He'd perfected the 'sleeping with one eye open' technique ages ago and in a way that meant no one knew he could still see them. The fake sleeping was necessary for pranking Sonny, so he had adequate practice. The Texan was still convinced it was Clay or Brock doing it, not once suspecting him.
Deciding he was asleep, Angie sighed a little and put her head back down, letting tension rush out of her little body. At first he thought she was going to fall asleep, but then she looked around, and her posture spoke of one suddenly hunting for something specific as she craned her head.
Casting another look at him, she got up and slipped quietly to the front hall, peeking around and then peering in the closet before coming back and sitting back down with a defeated little breath.
That wasn't good.
"Angie," He kept his tone as soft as possible, but she still flinched. Ignoring the stab it sent through his chest, Metal pushed forward, opening his eyes properly. "What are you looking for?"
The child's face fell a little with guilt and she wrapped her arms around herself, looking back at the movie.
"Nothing." She said in a small voice.
"I'm not sure I believe that." Metal studied her, piecing things together. "If you're looking for your backpack, I have it tucked away. Would you like it?"
The startled look she gave him confirmed he was right and a grim smile tugged around his mouth.
"I'll make you a deal," He offered, not breaking eye contact and willing his expression to soften. "I'll give it back to you, and you can keep it, but I have a few conditions."
Shivering again, Angie was conflicted and her expressive eyes darted away again.
"What kind of conditions?" She asked wisely.
"Wait here."
Metal got up and disappeared into his room, retrieved the bag
Without looking he could feel her watching him return to the couch, just like before. The fear wasn't as strong as it had been earlier today, but the child was stiff with wariness again.
Patience and time. That's what they needed. He couldn't expect anything more from her and had a feeling that it could well be months before she really truly started to trust him. She'd never had a father figure in her life before let alone a lot of interaction with men, according to Ronda. It was only natural for her to be wary.
Purposely, he circled round the coffee table instead of cutting in front of the couch and took up a seat only a fraction closer to her than he had been before.
Wordless he nudged the blanket and her dog while setting the backpack on the table between them.
Angie's shivering had increased since he left and she responded to the gesture with a spark of disarmed gratitude in her posture, hurrying to pull the blanket back up around her.
The stuffed dog was a good call. Once she had the blanket, the dog got clasped close to her chest and she released a breath of tension.
"Better?" Metal asked, hand itching to reach out and adjust the edge of the blanket so it properly covered her feet. He resisted. For now, any unnecessary closeness wasn't an option. Not until that look in her eye whenever she looked at him disappeared.
She nodded and waited for him to speak again, all the while peeping at her bag.
"Ok. So, here's the thing," Metal rested his forearms on his knees, carefully observing every shift and change in the girl as he spoke. He didn't feel like now was the perfect time for this conversation, but it seemed to be happening anyway since the opportunity presented itself. "I have a feeling that there's a chance you're going to try to run again. I sincerely hope we don't get to that, but, if you want this bag so badly then there's got to still be a part of you with a foot out the door."
Stiffening, Angie became the embodiment of a deer caught in the headlights. Guilt flooded her eyes and she couldn't look at him.
"If I am right and that is the case then I also get the impression you would find a way to run regardless of having this bag or not." Metal laced his low, quiet voice with a note of stern promise. He couldn't help it. The kid needed to know he would come after her as many times as it took to convince her not to run anymore. "Now…if you do take off, and it doesn't matter how many times that is, I will find you. But I wouldn't be a good caregiver if I didn't make sure you were ok until I could find you, so…the only option here would be to make sure you have this bag."
Angie finally turned her head to him and this time she was visibly confused.
Metal shrugged. "Does that bag have things in it that would help keep you safe, fed and taken care of if you were on your own?"
Nodding slowly, Angie dropped her gaze and started to fiddle with her dog's ears.
"Then this is my condition to you having it back. You show me what's inside and I reserve the right to add or remove items so that you have the best survival pack possible."
Surprise rippled through Angie this time and she was startled enough to speak.
"You…you haven't looked in it?" She asked.
Shaking his head, Metal answered, "Nope. It's yours, not mine."
That one line had Angie blinking and he could see her little brain trying to reorient. It was as if no one had respected her autonomy in a long time.
"Oh." Was all she could manage.
"So, do we have a deal? You show me what's in there, and I'll make sure you have what you need if you ever decide to run away again."
Frowning, Angie hesitated and said in that same small voice, "Aren't…aren't you supposed to be trying to talk me out of running away?"
With victory just in sight, because his roundabout plan was working and she had no idea, Metal tried not to smile. "Like I said before, I really hope we never get to that point again. My hope is that we can start to trust each other and that you'll talk to me before deciding you need to take off. But, you did manage to sneak off a military base yesterday and evade us for nearly an hour, which means you're determined when you put your mind to something. I might not be able to stop you from running, but this way I can keep you safe until I can catch up and bring you home again."
Conflict welled up around Angie's shoulders and her little jaw clenched with the deep furrow between her brows. Finally, she reached out and grabbed her pack while casting a hesitant look at him.
He waited patiently as she decided what she wanted to do. Part of him wanted her to give in and say she didn't want to run anymore, but he knew she drew security from that bag and from having an option of getting away if she needed to. She heartbreakingly was smart. No matter how much that bothered him, he couldn't fault her for it and if it made her feel safer he would let her keep it.
The sound of the zipper rolled into the silence between them and Angie slowly drew the first item from the bag, setting it on the table between them.
"Tablet. Good call. It's useful. Do you have a charge cord too?"
Angie shifted and frowned again. The contemplative surprise in her little voice was warming, "Oh…no. I didn't think of that."
"We'll have to add one then. It's small and light. Shouldn't add too much weight. What's next."
One by one she withdrew items and he had to say he was impressed that a child her age could have packed such a decent little survival pack.
There was an extra set of clothing, wool socks, a windbreaker, no sweater though so she would be cold. She had a flashlight, a bundle rope, a road map which she almost proudly proved she could read with a very brief moment of confidence when he asked, thus crumbling a tiny section of those scared little walls she had around her. She seemed relieved when she pulled out a lighter and he praised it rather than making a fuss about a nine year old having easy access to fire. There was a bag of granola bars which Metal commented on substituting for something a little better and Angie didn't take offense.
"What else, Angie." Metal prompted gently when her hands paused in the middle of retrieving the last few things in her bag. She gave him a worried look and slowly took out the square box, setting it on the table.
Metal stared at it, breathing slowing as he bit the inside of his cheek hard.
"A taser." He said in a carefully controlled voice. He picked it up and turned it over in his hands, laughing inside and shaking his head a little. "Where did you get your hands on this?"
"I found it in mommy's room." Angie told him timidly. "She showed it to me once and said it was to stop bad guys."
Drawing another long breath at that little mention, because he hated the idea that this sweet child of his even knew enough to prepare for the case of bad guys, Metal nodded again.
"Do you know how to use it?" He asked, looking down at her anxious face.
She bit both lips and shook her head as she confessed. "No."
"Hmm." Metal fought the torrent of emotion in his gut. "Better not have a weapon you can't use, Angie. It's more dangerous for you if you don't know how to use it."
"Oh."
"I could teach you." Metal commented casually.
"Today?!" Angie looked at him hopefully, but he shook his head.
"Not today. A different day." He tapped the table and said, "What else is in there?"
Energy diminished again, Angie slowly drew out another item that made Metal want to laugh out loud and pull his hair at the same time when he saw in the tiny hands of his child. He expected her to have something like it, but didn't dream of her holding one like that .
"Can I see?" He asked, holding out his hand and Angie set the heavy object in his hand warily. "This…is a military issued blade, Angie…lot's of uses if you know how to use it. Where in the world did you-"
He paused and looked closer at it, squinting as he slowly recognized it.
"This your mom's too?" He asked.
Angie nodded seriously.
Metal shook his head and a smile finally cracked his face. "She must have swiped it from me, ages ago. I always wondered where this one went."
Had he looked then he would have caught the amazement that flashed through Angie upon seeing him smile like that.
"Do…do you want it back?" Angie asked, painfully unsure of herself now.
Oh, he was so tempted to let her keep it. He wanted to let her keep the taser too, but he knew he couldn't. That wouldn't be responsible…according to most people. Frankly if she could use them both properly he didn't have an issue with it, but he knew it would raise some eyebrows if he let a nine year old keep a taser and a combat knife. The fact still remained that she didn't know how to use them.
"I think I better hang onto these." He said quietly, taking the taser too and setting them both aside.
Angie bit her lip hard now and mumbled, "What am I supposed to use if I met some bad guys when I'm on my own?"
That sent a wash of ice through him, but he kept his expression neutral as he fixed her with a calm and hopefully soft stare.
"Maybe the solution there is to stay with me and let me take care of the bad guys for you, hmm? I'm pretty good at that."
Considering this, Angie surveyed the pile on the table in front of them and everything it represented. Then her shoulders dropped a little with heavy exhaustion.
"I don't really want to run away again." She murmured in a tired, hollow little voice. "It was scary and confusing."
Triumph flared in Metal's chest, but he stayed neutral. "I would imagine it was."
"I…I didn't mean to cause so much trouble." Angie added, anxiety flushing through her and she hugged the stuffed dog tighter. "When I ran away."
"You had a pretty good reason to feel like you needed to run away, Angie. I'm not mad at you for it."
Startled again, Angie's head snapped up. "You aren't?"
"Nope." Gesturing to the pile of stuff and the backpack he said with the utmost care, "Do you still want that all packed up, or do you think you might not need it for a little while at least."
Setting the backpack on top of the pile, Angie said with noticeable exhaustion, "I…I don't want to need it. I…I really don't want to run away again."
Nodding seriously, Metal said quietly, "Well, if you change your mind and decide you want to take off, just tell me. Maybe I'll even come with you and keep those bad guys away."
Angie cast a suspicious glance at him and a ghost of a smile flickered around her mouth. For a second he thought she might be about to comment on the silliness of her telling him she was going to run away and him coming with her, but in the end she just curled up with her head on the pillow again and returned to watching the movie.
Following her lead, he returned to his own more comfortable position and let his eyes slip back to their closed/not quite closed state. Like the last time he'd pretended to sleep, Angie relaxed and let go of the tension she held in her shoulders and face.
Angle yawned about a minute later and she was fighting to keep her eyes open.
Ten minutes later, her arm flopped off the couch and dangled.
Only then, when he was sure her breathing had changed did Metal open his eyes again and lift his head to see her better.
She was out.
He left her another twenty minutes, turning down the volume of the movie, but leaving it as background noise while he debated moving her back to her bed.
Having her wake up in transit wasn't ideal, and the last thing he wanted was for her to look at him with those terrified bambi eyes again like she had when he found her in the bookstore. They'd made progress tonight, but it didn't mean she was comfortable with him. Still, leaving her there meant risking her falling off the couch if she rolled. She was precariously close to the edge right now.
The only other option was to leave her there and stay with her so if she rolled he could hopefully catch her before she fell.
Glancing at the clock he went with that. It was already 3am. He would be up in a few hours away and what was a few less hours of sleep? He'd gotten enough before she woke up.
Turning off the TV, he slipped out, grabbed a book and settled again for his vigil.
In the end he was glad he did because sure enough Angie rolled right off the couch an hour later and he only just managed to catch her before she hit the floor.
The most amazing thing was that she didn't even stir from the fall or at the sound of the coffee table getting shoved back when he literally dove to reach her. Instead of waking up, she mumbled something sleepily and sighed while her head flopped into his chest without a care in the world. She was a deep sleeper apparently, once she was out.
Lifting her little body closer in his arms, Metal decided if she could sleep through that she would sleep through getting put in her bed and he carried her to her room.
Thankfully, he was right and for the first time since finding out he had a child, he felt like maybe he was cut out for this as he skillfully maneuvered her under the blankets and tucked her in.
Pushing his luck, he risked tenderly brushing her hair back from her forehead and whispering, "I've got you, little one, even if you don't know it yet. We'll be ok."
Angie heaved a huge sigh in her sleep and he was rewarded a thousand times over by the way she melted down fully into her pillows and kept on sleeping.