1. Closure
The cabin had come a long way. Almost as far as the boys inside it. A little more than a week ago, the furniture had been old and crumbling, the door unlockable and the wooden floorboards stained with the blood of three men. Now, instead of blood, clothes scattered the floor: shirts, trousers, jackets, shoes, a couple of hastily removed ties.
Nick and Charlie rolled over under the soft grey blanket, kissing lazily as their bodies stilled, legs entwined. Despite the new appeal of the cabin, the boys had quickly discovered that having sex in the cabin, although it seemed romantic, was actually kind of a pain. There was no shower - no running water at all. And when summer ended they suspected it might be far too cold.
Even still, nowadays they found they craved the quiet simplicity the cabin brought more so than ever. It had become a place of sanctuary again, despite the trauma it had been a part of. Unwittingly, they told themselves. Just like them.
Charlie rested his head over Nick's heart and breathed in deeply. With his eyes closed he could concentrate solely on that steady beat, disturbed only by the distant rustling of the trees in the summer breeze. If he listened hard enough he could easily convince himself that the two of them and these four walls were the only things in existence. The idea was calming.
Charlie sighed as Nick absent-mindedly threaded his fingers through his ruffled curls. Nick kissed his head softly before burying his face there.
"Are you making out with my hair?" Charlie's voice came out muffled against Nick's chest.
"Oh my God," Nick grumbled. "Leave me alone."
"I know you have a thing for my hair but really… this is just sad."
Nick pouted. "But it's so soft and curly and it needs to be appreciated. I suppose I could stop if… if you don't want me to touch your hair then -"
"No, no. I didn't say that."
Nick laughed. "See - you do like it!"
He reached to touch the curls again but Charlie rolled away, giggling. "I don't! Leave them be!"
In an effort to avoid Nick's wild advances, Charlie ducked his head under the blanket and wrapped it tightly around his head. With a shining grin, Charlie looked out from between the fabric and caught sight of the look on Nick's face. He was watching him in the way he so often did… And so often, that look caught Charlie by surprise.
Surely Nick Nelson couldn't be looking at him like that?
"What?" Charlie asked, breathless.
The corners of Nick's mouth twitched upwards as he shook his head. "Nothing. My boyfriend is just adorable. That's all."
"Oh, is he?" Charlie laughed. "You should see mine. He's pretty cute too. So cute and sexy and tall and a complete and utter -" He kissed Nick's nose. "- Sap."
"And you looove him!" Nick teased, poking at Charlie's sides.
Charlie made a face. "Ew."
Nick sat back comfortably against the headboard. "Sucks to be him. Poor bastard. Because he's so in love with you."
An attempt to maintain the disgusted facade was made - and then promptly abandoned. Charlie crawled over to Nick's side and curled up there, letting his curls spill free from their confines.
Charlie gave a great, over-exaggerated sigh. "You're right. I do love my boyfriend very much."
Nick grinned.
"Henry Maddox. My one true love."
"Wow." Nick barked a laugh. "Well, your love for him must not be that strong - here you are, naked, in bed with another -"
Nick gasped, cutting himself off. Charlie had pressed his lips against his collarbone and his brain had turned to jelly. Nick's hand moved instinctively to caress Charlie's back, to hold him even closer, hands gliding up and down.
"Enough," Charlie murmured, his breath a tickle against his skin. "Henry Maddox can go fuck himself."
Nick snorted. "Such a lovely, well-mannered young man."
When Charlie grinned he scrunched his nose in that way that made Nick's tummy do a delighted little swoop. Nick watched as Charlie studied the appearing mark he'd left against Nick's skin, his expression turning contemplative. Some of the tiredness of the last few days had returned to his slender frame.
"Char," Nick murmured. "How are you feeling now?"
Charlie bit his lip. He continued to run his fingertips over the fresh love bite.
"Good." He took a breath. "Yeah. I'm good. I mean… it's kind of difficult to be anything but fucking fantastic after we've… been together like that. But I definitely needed that."
"God, I so needed that. It's been… a day."
"I feel like you could say that about any day lately. Everything just seems ten times harder now."
Nick absently stroked his thumb over Charlie's cheek before bringing his hand to rest so naturally among those curls. Charlie sighed and wrapped his arms around Nick's shoulders, cuddling in closer.
This afternoon, Nick and Charlie had been accompanied by their families to a funeral service at St Mary's church for Helen Torrance and Tony Michaels. The entire experience had been very sad but also very strange. Neither of them had been exactly friends with either of them. Only Nick's mum had become truly close with Helen. The only reason any of them knew the deceased was due to the series of horrific events their lives had turned into over the past few months.
Neither Nick nor Charlie had known quite what to say when Gabe Torrance had greeted them in the front entrance of the church. They'd already shaken hands with a dozen strangers, already been pulled into unwanted hugs by a few of them.
Mr Torrance had been thinner and paler than the only other time they'd seen him - as if the loss of his wife had ebbed away at him until it seemed like one gust of wind may blow him away. The sight of him had brought a lump to Nick's throat, had made Charlie reaffirm his grip on Nick's hand. Both of them were fully aware of how close they had come to being in very similar states.
Luckily, Gabe had been enveloped quickly into the arms of an older couple they had learned later were Helen's parents.
Also in attendance had been a cluster of police officers Nick and Charlie vaguely recognised from their handful of visits to the station. Officer Carter was there with Chief Constable Hazeldine - Helen and Tony's not-so-temporary replacements. They even noticed Felicity, the over-enthusiastic employee of the Medway police department, nestled at the end of a pew beside Carter, Tony's cat yowling sadly from a basket on her lap.
Among the hubbub of people arriving, the boys had found themselves separated from their families. The small vestibule had filled gradually, then all at once, suddenly becoming overwhelming. Nick had had to utilise some forceful politeness and a few sharp uses of elbows to extract himself and Charlie into the church proper just so they could breathe.
Charlie had only had a few moments respite however, because then his dad was waving them both over to sit in a pew, bookended by their mothers. A few moments of quiet with his hand in Nick's had helped to calm Charlie's erratic heart, though he hadn't been thrilled to be sat beside his mum. Her presence in any room equalled tension nowadays.
All in all, they had been very glad to get out of there. It had been nice to say goodbye. A form of closure in a way. Another door shut. Another duty ticked off on the road to healing - to just being normal.
And never did either of them feel more normal than when it was just the two of them, alone in a room - be it Nick's bedroom, Charlie's or their cabin in the woods where all of this had started.
They had spared no time extracting themselves from the wake and hurrying across town to fall into bed together. None of what followed had been planned.
That had been happening a lot lately. Over the past three days anyway. Ever since they'd finally left the confines of Nick's room - they'd still been fragile, still raw, but they were beginning to heal. Or at least trying to. They were trying.
"Next week is going to be horrible," said Nick.
Charlie blinked. They usually pretended next week wasn't going to happen.
"Are you not excited?"
"Charlie, how could I be excited? I… I want to be excited. I want to stay cheerful. For my mum. I don't want to let her down."
"You know you wouldn't be, even if you stayed here? You know she'd understand."
"Yeah, but she'd still be sad. I don't want to abandon her, as much as I don't want to abandon you."
"Nick, she's your mum. She only cares that you do what's best for you. And… so do I. Even if I hate the idea of being separated from you for so long, I still want you to go if you feel it's best. Even if that's going all the way to Menorca without me."
Nick grimaced. He knew what Charlie was thinking. Being apart, even for small amounts of time, had been really painful for the both of them lately. And especially for Nick.
Charlie cupped his cheek, then kissed him. "It'll be fine. We'll be fine." But he was trying to convince himself too. "Besides, it'll be good for you to get some time away. Geoff and Andrew are always telling us we can't spend every minute of the day together."
"But two weeks, Char! I'm not gonna cope!"
"Yeah… I know."
Their arms tightened around each other at the same time, Nick bundling Charlie entirely on top of him. He buried his face in Charlie's hair and this time, Charlie made no comment, no teasing joke, just let himself breathe in everything Nick was. Warmth, safety, comfort - home.
"I think I'm gonna worry about Menorca after Saturday," Charlie mused. "Until then, just thinking about Saturday gives me enough anxiety."
Nick frowned and kissed his forehead. "It's gonna be… a lot. But I think it'll be fine. There's no case against them being guilty. It's all done and dusted. They just have to be…"
"Sentenced, yeah."
Up until this point, Nick and Charlie had been kept out of the judicial proceedings, having given their witness statements privately a few days ago. That had been stressful enough - but a lot better than having to stand up and tell their stories to a room full of strangers.
But on Saturday, they were still expected to sit there and watch while the group of men who had put them through hell were sentenced. It sounded simple. It sounded terrifying. At least after that it would all be over.
Nick closed his eyes, exhaustion prickling at him, when his phone buzzed. He peeled his eyes open as Charlie reached down toward Nick's hastily strewn jacket. He plucked the phone out and handed it over.
"Right," said Nick with a sigh. "We have that dinner tonight. I forgot."
"You mean that dinner our mothers orchestrated since they became best pals? I hadn't forgotten, no. Come on." He patted Nick's chest. "We should probably put some clothes on before we go or your mum'll never let me come round your house again."
In a short amount of time, they had both located their clothes, redressed and mostly de-ruffled themselves, before heading out toward the gates of Lakewood Park and toward River Crescent.
"They're here!" came the excitable voice of Oliver Spring the second Nick and Charlie stepped through the front door. They found the littlest Spring in the dining room, pretending to set the table but actually just hanging out with Nellie. As soon as Nick and Charlie entered, however, Nellie abandoned Oliver to give Charlie kisses instead.
"Hi, Nellie," said Charlie, fussing her back.
Oliver pouted. "No fair. You always get to see Nellie."
"I can't help it if she loves me more than you."
"Bork!" said Nellie.
"I think Nellie loves Charlie the most over everyone," said Nick. "Including me and mum. Don't be too disheartened, Olly. Some of us just can't compare to your brother's natural magnetism."
"That's a big word, Nicholas."
Oliver pulled a face and skipped off toward the door. "Mum - what's maganetism?"
"What?" Jane appeared from the kitchen, a steaming casserole dish clutched in oven-gloved hands. "Do you mean magnetism?"
Oliver shrugged.
"Where have you two been?" Jane set the dish down in the centre of the table. "I told you seven o'clock, Charlie."
Charlie opened his mouth to retort but then Sarah appeared behind Jane. "No worries," she said. "They're here now, aren't they, Jane? No harm done. Nicky, sweetheart, could you sort the cutlery, please?"
Nick took the bundle of knives and forks from the sideboard and Charlie began to help him set them out. Jane gave a stern look to the guilty looking six-year-old who had left them there.
"Oliver, did you not do as Sarah asked?"
"Sorry, mummy, but Nellie is just soooo cute!" He cuddled up against Nellie's side. "Please can we get a dog?"
As Julio appeared and reminded all three of his children that they were never going to get a dog, or any sort of animal, the Nelsons and the Springs settled down around the table to tuck into their meal. Seated between his dad and Sarah, Charlie managed to avoid the direct eyeline of his mother, pretending like the mere thought of putting anything into his mouth right now didn't fill him with a nauseating dread.
"Hey," Nick mouthed from across the table.
Charlie felt a gentle foot rub against his own. He managed a tiny smile. "Hey."
Instead of thinking about the act of eating, Charlie zeroed in on Nick. He focused on mirroring his boyfriend's movements, taking well-measured bites of his dinner. The conversations around them fizzled out into distant chatter. Only when Nick looked up to answer a question or pass a certain dish did Charlie's safe bubble expand. But it didn't burst. It wouldn't. He knew it wouldn't.
"Oh, Charlie, you haven't eaten very much," said Sarah.
Charlie blinked.
The bubble trickled away. He looked around at the six empty plates surrounding his own.
Jane tutted. "If you didn't like it, Charlie, you could have just said something."
Charlie shook his head. "I-it's not that. I - I'm s-"
"It's quite alright, dear," said Sarah, reaching to pile the plates together, balancing Charlie's on top. "This way you have plenty of room for dessert. Nicky made his special cheesecake, remember?"
Sarah gave his arm a little squeeze, then left with a warm smile.
Charlie swallowed. Nick managed to catch his eye again, despite him trying to avoid it.
"You know you don't have to have some if you don't want to, love," he said. "I promise I won't be offended."
"No," said Charlie. "No. I want to try it. I really do."
He felt his bottom lip wobble and hated himself for it. Nick extended a hand and Charlie subconsciously took it. He needed it - something solid to hold on to.
"I'm okay," he whispered. "I'll be okay."
During their week of hiding in Nick's bedroom, Charlie had been glad to at least be able to eat with almost no anxiety or stress at all. All of that had been reserved for dealing with the horrors of the week prior. Since Charlie had come home to his parents, however, he'd slipped back into his old ways without really even noticing.
Nick hated the tension in Charlie's shoulders at every meal. If his boyfriend had to be plagued by horrible nightmares, flashbacks and all manner of PTSD symptoms, Nick would have at least wished for him to be free from his pre-cabin struggles. But of course, things like that didn't just go away overnight. Nor were they erased by piling on more trauma.
Really, it was a test of Charlie's extraordinary endurance, carrying all of that with him. He impressed Nick every single day with his bravery and determination. His ability still to smile, to laugh, to love with such bright, colourful fullness. Nick was just a little bit in awe with him.
Not that any of those feelings gave Nick any idea what to do for Charlie. Of all the difficult topics they had discussed, this was the one thing Charlie wouldn't ever talk about.
But maybe, Nick mused, he might talk about it if you actually asked him.
But Nick didn't want to ask him about it. He didn't want to upset him. Didn't want to ruin any good mood he had worked so hard to build.
Nick took a bite of cheesecake and saw Charlie do the same. Nick had been the one to start doing that - mirroring Charlie as they ate. He didn't know when it had switched, but it seemed to help.
"How long until you get your cast off then, Oliver?" asked Sarah.
"Ages!" Oliver exclaimed.
"Only two weeks until the next check up," said Jane. "They'll see if he's ready, but it might be a while longer, yes."
"Are you excited to go back to school?"
Oliver shrugged. "I don't want to."
"Oh no. Why not?"
"I thought you were looking forward to it," said Julio.
"I won't be able to do PE," Oliver grumbled. "And I'm gonna miss Charlie and Tori and Nick. I wish I could go to big school with them."
Nick laughed. "Trust me, you don't. I wish I still went to primary."
"Right," said Charlie. "Can we come with you, Olly?"
Oliver's face lit up, his mind going a mile a minute, imagining all the possibilities of this hypothetical scenario.
"GCSE results are coming soon," said Julio. "How do you think you did, Nick?"
Nick blinked, then shrugged. "Oh, um… okay. I think. I dunno… I haven't really been thinking about it."
"I'm sure you did your best, sweetheart," said Sarah. "At the end of the day, it doesn't matter if you got all As or all Ds, only that you're happy."
"Thanks, mum."
Charlie glanced at his own mother and was unsurprised to see the pained expression on her face. Despite hers and Sarah's budding friendship, they still disagreed about parenting on a fundamental level.
"I assume you'll be getting your results posted, Nick," said Jane. "Since you'll be away that week."
"I'm getting them texted actually," said Nick. "You can do that now."
"Speaking of," said Sarah. She set her fork down and exchanged a look with Jane. A twinkle had appeared in both their eyes. "There's something we'd like to ask you, Charlie."
Charlie looked up from his picked-at slice of cheesecake, a tiny bit annoyed to have been interrupted. He'd been making some good progress.
"Sarah and I have been discussing something lately," said Jane. "And we'd like your opinion. Both your opinions, really."
Nick exchanged a look of confusion with Charlie. "Okay…"
"I think I know what you're going to say, Nicky, but well…" Sarah glanced at Jane once again before - "We were wondering whether you'd like to come to Menorca with us, Charlie."
A beat.
"Mum," said Nick. "Please, please don't joke about something like this -"
"I understand it might be a bit last minute," said Sarah. "And that you might prefer to -"
"Yes," said Charlie. "Yes. I would like that. I would love that, actually."
He grinned at Nick.
"Mum!" Nick exclaimed. "I asked you so many times and you always said no!"
"Do you not want him to come with us, Nicholas?"
"No! I mean, of course I do - you could have at least told me so I didn't… so I wasn't… stressing so much about it."
"Oh, baby, I'm sorry. We thought it'd be a nice surprise."
"But is there space?" Charlie asked. "Can we afford it, mum?"
"There's always space for you, dear," said Sarah. "And we always stay in the same villa so the only added cost is your plane ticket. And spending money, of course."
"I'm ready to buy the tickets as soon as you say yes." Jane's eyes were a little intense, her hands clasped in front of her nervously. "Sarah and I have been discussing this since… well, since the day you came out of hospital. And your dad and I have been saving so…"
Julio gave her a calm smile and placed his hand over her entwined ones. "Being in Paris helped you before, didn't it? This will be good for you."
"And this is bound to be more relaxing then that Paris trip," said Sarah. "They kept you busy every day. We mostly just laze around the pool or the beach. It's a sleepy little town. We eat a lot of food and drink a lot of wine. You'll be able to relax. Rest."
"Okay," said Charlie. "If you're sure, then… you can book it, mum. Thank you so much."
He was so grateful he thought he might cry. He looked at Nick to find he was actually crying. Nick wiped his face hastily and smiled. He launched himself to his feet, then around the table to hug his mother.
"Thank you," he cried. "Thank you so much."
Charlie leant over to hug Sarah too. "Thank you."
"Oh, sweethearts, that's alright." She patted them both on the back. "I knew how much you were dreading being apart. Now… you don't have to."
Now Charlie felt his own tears prickle at the corners of his eyes, but they were products of joy - so he let them fall. He caught Nick's gaze and giggled. "Oh, shut up. I always cry when you cry."
"Yes, well, there is one condition," said Jane. She glanced at Oliver. He was busy amusing himself with feeding dollops of cream to Nellie under the table. Charlie's heart sank slightly. He thought he might do anything at all to cling to the excitement building inside him.
"It's not a condition, really," Sarah assured them both. "Just, something we think you should consider -"
"No," said Jane, sharply. "Charlie… Nick… I have made appointments for the both of you at a clinic on Monday. To get tested."
Nick busied himself with going back to his seat but Charlie saw his cheeks redden. He assumed his own were doing the same. Charlie forced himself not to catch Tori's eye but he could tell she was smirking. Julio fought to keep his features serious while Oliver was none the wiser.
"I've agreed that you should go, Nicky," said Sarah. "Jane will take both of you on Monday and I don't want to hear another word about it. If you're going to be intimate with each other we need to be sure you're safe."
"Okay, okay," said Nick. "We'll go. Just please, stop talking about it."
"It's just a precaution," said Jane. "Unfortunately, there seems to be nothing any of us can do to stop you two from… from…"
"Having intercourse," said Sarah - at the same time as Tori muttered, "Boning."
Charlie managed to disguise his snort of laughter as a cough. "Mum, enough," he groaned. "We've agreed, haven't we? It - it probably is a good idea… even if we're probably two of the most monogamous people ever."
"What's monogamanous?" Oliver asked.
"Monogamous," said Charlie, helpfully. "It's when someone is committed to only having se-"
"Charlie!" Jane snapped. "Never mind, Oliver. I doubt it'll come up in the SATs."
For the rest of the evening, the parents continued to natter about Oliver's upcoming Year 2 SATs while Charlie managed to eat nearly all of his small slice of cheesecake. He and Nick kept sharing fleeting but blushy glances across the table as Tori sat by, looking as if she didn't know whether to tease them silly or remove herself from the room entirely.
As the Springs headed to the door, Jane made it known that she wished for Charlie to be home tonight and so, Nick hugged his mum goodbye, gave a pat to Nellie, then headed out the door with them.
"Is Charlie going away again?" Oliver asked as they walked home. "Can I go too?"
"Charlie's going away with Nick and his family," said Julio. "There's only just enough room for him so we don't get to go too, sorry."
"We haven't been away in a while ourselves, have we?" Jane mused. "We should fix that. Next summer we can go somewhere as a family."
"Mars?" Oliver suggested. "Oh, I know! What about Skegness?"
The others chuckled.
"I think we can do a bit better than Skegness," said Julio. "But Mars… that's a bit far, isn't it, Olly? And expensive."
"I think we should definitely consider Mars," said Charlie, thoughtfully. "Although I'm not sure how much there is to do once you get there."
"Speak to the Martians of course," said Oliver. "Duh!"
"Of course. Right."
"Charlie?" Nick murmured.
"Yeah?"
"Please don't go all the way to Mars without me."
"I wouldn't dream of it, darling."
Once everyone had gotten in and discarded their shoes by the door, Nick and Charlie scurried up the stairs to the sound of Jane shouting after then, "Leave the door open!" And then a murmur from Julio, "It might be best if they start closing it now…"
Laughing, Nick leant against Charlie's bedroom door to close it, the smile on his face feeling slightly strange. Charlie dropped his jacket onto the chair, yanked his tie off, then flopped onto his bed with a sigh.
"So… we're getting tested on Monday, huh?"
Nick sank down beside him. "Seems like it, yeah."
"It's probably a good idea, right?"
"Yeah, it probably is."
Charlie fell quiet for a moment. Nick lay down beside him.
"Seems a bit silly though. We've never been with anyone else and it's not like we're going to… like, ever. At least I'm not - I don't want to."
"Hey, I don't want to either." Nick rolled over to face him. Charlie followed suit. "It is silly. The thought of anyone but you."
Charlie smoothed a thumb over Nick's cheek. "Sap." He pressed a kiss there, eyes soft with adoration. "I kind of wish your mum could take us instead of mine, though."
"It'll be worth it, I think," said Nick. "In the long run."
"Yeah, and maybe… once we know that we're, you know… clean, we could maybe try… not using protection?" Charlie bit his lip. "If you wanted? Don't worry if you don't. It doesn't matter - we should probably -"
"No." Nick cupped Charlie's face in his hands. "I honestly hadn't thought about it like that but yes - we definitely should try that. Yes, please."
Charlie giggled and Nick grinned, his heart soaring.
"Okay, then." Charlie's breath tickled Nick's cheek for a moment before he leaned in and kissed him.
Nick cradled the back of Charlie's head with his hand while Charlie's arm slid around him, holding him securely.
This afternoon at the cabin had been their first time in a long while. They had come close a few times over the last three days but somehow, the timing had never seemed right. They were always too tired. Too anxious. Too full of that lingering fear which had ensnared them so completely after their ordeal. Finally, though, the cracks were widening and, with the funeral done and dusted, it had felt right - to enjoy each other to their fullest extent again.
Of course, they didn't need to be having sex, or even kissing, to enjoy each other - but it was comforting and it was fun.
Rolling together over the covers, careful not to tumble off the single bed, Nick and Charlie's kisses grew in intensity. And soon, hands fumbled for the buttons of shirts, the flies of trousers, the drawer beside the bed. Lube was warmed between fingers, and then between hands as they moved against each other.
"Should have - gotten a towel -" Nick gasped between open-mouthed kisses. "The mess -"
"Shut - up - doesn't matter - just -"
The rest of Charlie's words got lost when Nick drew him closer still, pleasure heightening with each added flick of a wrist. Charlie's lips stilled against Nick's as he let out a muffled cry, his long, dark lashes fluttering as Nick held him through his orgasm. At the crest, Nick followed him, their hands slick between them, not once slowing down - until the lack of towel really made itself apparent.
"Fuck…" Nick flopped onto his back. "Jesus, fuck… Charlie…"
Charlie kissed his bare shoulder. "Hmm… probably should have gotten that towel."
"Good job we shut the door."
After not nearly long enough time to bask in their post-coital bliss, Nick hauled Charlie out of bed and chivvied him toward the shower. Nick stripped the bed, then tiptoed to the airing cupboard where he knew the fresh sheets were kept. He pretended not to notice the piercing glare of one Tori Spring as she passed him in the hall.
When Charlie had done in the shower, pyjamas on, he set about replacing the duvet cover while Nick showered and chucked the soiled one in the wash.
Tucked up in bed, curtains drawn, lights out, Nick lay cuddled between Charlie's arms, reassured by the constant patter of his heart against his back.
"I don't have to leave you."
"I get to go with you." Charlie gave Nick a squeeze and inhaled the scent of his own shampoo in his hair. "Somewhere we can be free for a bit. We won't have to think about anything or do anything really. We can just… be."
"It's going to be so great, Char. There's so many places I want to show you."
"What's it like? The villa? Is it big?"
"Kind of, yeah. It has six bedrooms. Two wings with a big master bedroom on the first floor. Me and David used to have to share one wing while the adults got the other. I suppose my cousins will get it this time."
"Will we get to share a room?"
"Yeah," Nick realised. "With a double bed and everything."
"Already ten times better than here, then," said Charlie. "My bed is so small."
"Hm… I like your bed. Means we have no choice but to cuddle like this all night long."
Charlie snorted. "Until you kick me in the middle of the night."
"I do not kick you! Not on purpose, anyway."
"So," Charlie giggled. "In Menorca I'll have enough room to get a good night's sleep without getting mercilessly kicked. It'll be nice to be well rested for our many romantic walks along the beach… days lounging by the pool…"
Nick turned around carefully to kiss him on the mouth. "I can't wait."
Charlie smiled but, in the dim light, the glint in excitement in Nick's eyes seemed to morph into something else. Charlie ran a hand through his fringe and frowned. "What's the matter?"
Nick's eyebrows creased. "Nothing. Only… will you be okay?"
"What do you mean?"
"We'll be somewhere strange - different. I just - are you going to be able to… I dunno…"
"Eat?"
Nick met Charlie's gaze again. Charlie hated how much he worried him, especially about this. It always made him feel so stupid.
"Yeah."
Charlie swallowed. In truth, he hadn't let himself think about this particular hurdle. "I can't pretend it isn't going to be difficult. It might be awful. I don't know." He sighed. "But… I think I'd rather endure something difficult with you by my side than be parted for two whole weeks. Especially since I know how anxious you've been lately, darling."
Just yesterday, when they had gone to get Tesco meal deals to eat in their cabin, Charlie had wandered away absently to look at the books while Nick had been selecting crisps. He'd turned around to find Charlie gone and would have descended into a full-blown panic attack had Charlie not noticed and hurried right back.
Nick shook the embarrassing memory from his head and tightened his arms around his boyfriend. He rested his cheek against those soft curls and inhaled.
"Menorca is going to be great," said Charlie. "Let's take each day as it comes and enjoy ourselves. Oh, I need to get packing."
"We still have eight days, Char."
"And? Have you not started yet?"
"No… I mean, err… I've sort of been putting it off."
"Hmm… well, I think I might need to buy some more summer clothes. I can't remember the last time I went on holiday."
"Maybe we can look in town on Sunday with the others," Nick suggested. "I'm sure Elle would love to help you. Or we could get the bus to Canterbury?"
"Soon," said Charlie. "You'll be able to drive us anywhere we want."
Nick grinned. "You love that I might be able to drive soon."
Every time Charlie remembered Sarah's not-so-subtle driving-themed hints, he got all flustered.
"It's just very cool and also hot to have a boyfriend who is A, a Sixth Former and B, has a car - which he can drive."
"I still have to pass my test though."
"You will. First time, I bet. I have every confidence in you."
The assortment of snotty toddlers, grumpy parents and elderly people in the doctor's waiting room had no way of knowing why Nick and Charlie were sitting so awkwardly beside Jane on Monday morning. But it still felt like they had flashing lights over their heads announcing that yes, they were both here to get tested for STDs because, yes, they were sleeping together.
By some miracle, they weren't waiting too long and so their discomfort was short-lived. The doctor told them both that they would have to wait for the results to be sent to them via text, and not to worry if they took a little while. But Nick and Charlie weren't worried about that. At the end of the day, they were mostly there to appease their parents.
Not that they weren't worrying about other things. Their therapists, Geoff and Andrew, could only alleviate so much, but both of them had been pleased to learn about the upcoming holiday. They didn't pretend it wouldn't be challenging, but in their professional opinions, it was an excellent idea.
Over the next week, Nick and Charlie tried their best to focus on Menorca - the light at the end of a dark tunnel. Their court date was looming the following Saturday, though neither of them mentioned it if they could help it.
Charlie spent most of Friday lounging around the Nelsons' garden with Nick, Sarah and Nellie. They'd had a lovely time drinking raspberry pressé and discussing all the things they wanted to do while they were away. Charlie learnt that Sarah's sister Diane would be joining them along with her husband Richard and their four-year-old twins, Leo and Tilly. David and Portia were also due to go with them. The other couple rarely showed their faces about the house nowadays except for the odd meal time and the occasional run-in on the landing.
Nick and Charlie had just been contemplating getting an early night - so that tomorrow would come and go quicker - when Sarah got off the phone with Jane, a grim expression on her face.
"I think maybe you should sleep at home tonight, Charlie," she said. "Your mum… well, I think she's a bit stressed out about tomorrow. Having you safely under her roof might ease her mind a little."
Nick walked Charlie to the door. He would have walked him further but -
"I'll be fine," Charlie assured him. "We needed to do this at some point. Test ourselves. We've got this, darling. I know we do."
But even as he kissed Nick goodbye, then turned to walk down the road, Charlie knew he had been unsuccessful in convincing himself, let alone Nick. The evening was warm. A soft breeze rustled the hedges but it felt oppressive. Charlie was almost pleased to step through his front door, into his mum's tentative arms.
When all was quiet and dark, and Charlie was tucked up in bed, that was when he felt the emptiest. Like something was missing. He scooped up Kitty from where she had been relegated to the desk chair and cuddled her close, inhaling her familiar smell. She had always been comforting in her own little way but…
Charlie rolled over and reached for his phone. Nick picked up the FaceTime call immediately.
"I was just about to call you," he said with a grin.
"Beat you to it."
Nick's hair looked so soft and golden in the light of his phone. He was curled up in bed too. Charlie could just make out a streak of brown fluff by his side, just about hear the light patter of doggy snores.
"At least you have Nellie to keep you company."
"And you have Kitty."
Charlie readjusted the cat under his chin. He could tell Nick was studying his face through the screen.
"We should probably get some sleep," said Nick after a while. "Tomorrow's going to be a lot."
"I'm not sure I'm going to be able to. I'm far too tense. I should have just stayed at yours."
"Nah, you did the right thing. Your relationship with your mum is important too. I'm proud of you for trying with her the way you do. I don't know if I could be so forgiving."
"Nick… I know you absolutely could be. That you are."
"Hmm, maybe. Just not with people who've hurt you…"
Charlie gave a solemn nod. "I should have stabbed the man who stabbed you with something sharper than a broken toothbrush."
Nick's eyes widened. He hated thinking about what Charlie went through in that place. The things he'd been forced to do to survive. Through the screen, Charlie watched those warm brown eyes cloud over… and he knew Nick had begun to dissociate.
"Hey," Charlie whispered. "You're okay. We're okay. It's alright, darling." He so badly wanted to phase through the phone and hold him through the episode… "Nellie!" he called quietly. "Nellie, wake up, girl!"
A tiny snuffle breath and Nellie's head appeared over Nick's shoulder. She cocked her head in confusion but then she began to lick Nick's cheek. She settled down closer to him and Nick's hands moved to stroke her fur.
"Good girl, Nellie," said Charlie. "Good girl."
Charlie was just wondering whether he should risk sneaking out when Nick blinked. His hold tightened around his dog.
"Did I just…?"
Nellie kissed his cheek again, then settled back down to sleep at his side.
"Yeah. You dissociated for a bit. But it's okay. It was only for a minute, and Nellie seemed to help you."
Nick ran a hand through his hair, then scrubbed at his eyes. "I love you," he murmured. "Thank you."
"I love you, darling." Charlie swiped at the tears falling down his cheeks. "I would honestly fight anyone who hurt you. It's a bit scary how much I'd do for you - but it's true."
"I'm never going to let anything else hurt you ever again." Nick's voice wavered but there was a determined coldness in his eyes that Charlie wasn't sure whether he loved or loathed. "I know you're gonna say it's impossible to protect you from everything but I don't care - never again."
Charlie buried his face in the top of Kitty's head. "Nick…" He squeezed his eyes shut, causing a few more tears to escape into Kitty's well-worn fur. "Please can we talk about something else? I don't want to think about… about that right now. Not when I can't cuddle you through it."
"Yeah, okay. Yeah - I'm sorry, love. Of course we can."
"No s-words. I started it anyway… Let's talk about Menorca. Tell me about the town - what's it called again?"
"Cala en Bosc…"
When Charlie fell asleep it was already several hours into Saturday. The familiar cadence of Nick's voice was calming, even through the phone. Unfortunately, it soon faded away and Charlie's subconscious lost sight of him in the darkness.
He was alone.
He was alone and he was running.
The earth beneath his feet smelled cold and dry. The dead leaves cushioned his step only so much. Sweat dropped down into his eyes, making them sting. But he had to keep them open. He had to keep going.
The men were gaining on him but he wouldn't let them catch up. He was fast. He had always been fast.
And really, this wasn't so bad.
But he had told himself that same thing before. And every time he fell for it.
His foot struck something solid and sharp. He tumbled forward. Gravel filled his nose, his mouth. The men were a blur of shape and colour, their voices indistinguishable from the pounding of his heart in his ears.
Pain split across his head and his vision flooded with red.
Wake up.
Please, let me wake up.
He opened his eyes.
Darkness.
Hot. It was hot. Stifling.
He reached out his arms and - of course. The lid of the box was firmly shut.
Just as it always was.
Don't move.
Don't move and you won't panic.
Don't think.
Just breathe.
In and out.
In.
And out.
In.
And out.
Don't think about the heat.
Don't think about the confinement.
Don't think about the blood dripping into your eye.
Don't think about Nick.
Nick.
No - just breathe.
Breathe.
That, he thought. That had not happened for a whole week. One glorious week.
He should have known it had been too good to last. Things like that didn't just up and leave. Not from his mind.
Sweating and shaking still, Charlie kicked the duvet away from himself. The sharp rapidity of his own breathing made him want to crawl out of his skin. It was still echoing around his head, just as it had in that box. The freezer, he had since learned.
He grappled for the one small comfort he had. At least, he'd thought he'd had before he'd fallen asleep. He swiped a hand across the sheets, then under the pillows. He found his now-dead phone and chucked it aside. Kitty had fallen down the gap between the bed and the wall. Charlie reached down to grab her but the effort was too great. He flopped down onto his back in defeat. It felt like he really had been running for his life all night.
Stupid. It was just a dream. It wasn't real.
With a huff, Charlie hefted himself out of bed and across to the chair. He tipped aside a pile of discarded clothes, then located the green jumper Nick had left there. He pulled it on, then fell back into bed, retracting himself as much as he could inside the jumper. When his alarm woke him a few hours later, he hardly felt rested at all.
Breakfast was a slog. He was far too nervous and far too tired to even pretend to eat. His hands had begun shaking even before his mum asked what he would like.
"Toast," he managed to murmur, hiding behind the open fridge door. The cool air soothed his headache somewhat.
A warm hand fell upon his shoulder and Julio pushed a mug into his hands, delicious smelling steam rising from it. "Thanks," he said.
The coffee was bitter and unsweetened but Charlie welcomed both of those things. It felt wrong to indulge in anything as kind as sugar today.
"Charlie, you need to eat something," said Jane as he sat down on a stall at the breakfast bar. "You can't survive on caffeine alone."
I know that, he wanted to snap at her. Did she think he was stupid? He knew he had to eat. He knew he would die if he didn't. But did she not understand? Knowing those things didn't make him able to.
He already felt stupid enough.
Charlie shook his head and set his mug down. He knew he was likely to be irritable today.
I'm proud of you for trying with her the way you do…
With a deep breath, Charlie picked up the toast which had appeared in front of him. He didn't notice the butter before he began to chew. A silence settled tentatively behind his brain. And by the time Tori was hugging him goodbye, Oliver was bopping him on the knee for good luck and Jane and Julio were leading the way out to the car, Charlie was clinging to that silence like a lifeline.
The fifteen minute drive across town felt infinite. Neither of his parents spoke the whole way there, for which Charlie was grateful. He had been so nervous all morning that by the time they made it to the front entrance of the courthouse, he had forgotten Nick would be there too.
"Hi," he said when he saw him.
Charlie fell into him and Nick wrapped his arms around him, only mutely aware of their parents greeting each other nearby.
"How are you feeling this morning, Charlie?" asked Sarah.
Charlie drew away from Nick and shrugged, looking at his shoes.
"Come here, sweetheart." She folded him into her own arms. "It's going to be okay. We just have to get through this one last thing and then it'll all be over, yeah?" She drew away to pat his hair a little tidier. "We're going on holiday in two days. Just remember that."
Charlie nodded and even managed a small smile. Thank you, he wanted to say but… he couldn't. Not right now.
But Sarah seemed to understand. And so did Nick. He took Charlie's hand and that familiar weight in his palm grounded him exponentially. He gave Nick's hand a little squeeze and Nick managed a smile then, too. He leant over to kiss Charlie briefly - and when he moved away, Charlie noticed how tired he looked. His own fear was reflected back at him in those soft brown eyes.
"Nick…"
He drew his face between his hands and brought him in for a second, much more passionate kiss. Nick's surprise was only evident for a moment before he responded in kind. Kissing in public like this always came with a certain thrill, even on days like today, apparently.
Even when a loud cough came from behind them and a few whispered mutterings reached their ears. Nick and Charlie parted, smiles more genuine than before, colour in their cheeks.
There was no time to contemplate that David had been the one to cough, because then the front doors opened and the gathered people began to file inside. David had appeared from somewhere just in time to follow them.
Charlie was surprised to see that Portia had not accompanied him. He may not like David but it didn't seem fair to let him go through something like this without someone beside him to hold on to. Not that he thought David would let himself hold onto any of them.
The foyer was spacious and much grander than Nick had been expecting. Arrangements of flowers stood beside each tall pillar, filling the space with a pleasant floral aroma - though he didn't think his mum's hay fever would appreciate it.
Nick and Charlie found Sahar standing by one such vase of flowers with her parents. She looked just as nervous as they felt but she smiled when she saw them. Hugs were exchanged all round, then the three of them scanned the room together, observing the many strangers and the few people they recognised.
Ben Hope stood near the far doors, beside his intimidating looking father. Ben looked sleep-deprived too, though he wasn't surrounded by people the way Nick, Charlie and Sahar were.
Nick watched Ben's green eyes flick toward them for a moment and felt Charlie tense beside him. Nick tightened his hold on his hand, trying to tamper down the fury flooding him. He wasn't sure it would help the sentence hearing to get off to a great start if he suddenly started beating up one of his fellow victims. If he had it his way, though, Ben would be on the other side of this case along with Mr H and the other gang members.
The double doors behind Ben opened and a woman appeared to tell them to enter. Charlie tensed even further, his grip on Nick's hand tightening still more, his eyes wide and fearful.
"Breathe, love," Nick whispered. "He's not going near you, I promise."
"If he does," added Sahar. "Nick'll punch him again."
"I won't."
"I will then," said Sahar. "You can hold his dad back for me."
And then they had no choice but to move forward with the crowd. Through the doors and into the courtroom, Charlie remained safely between Nick and Sahar as they filed into a bench and sat down. Nick noticed Jane and Julio's disappointment before they went to sit with Sarah and the Zahids in the row behind them. But this wasn't about them, Nick reminded himself. Not really. This was about Nick and Charlie, Sahar and David… and Ben, too, he supposed.
Charlie gave Sahar's hand a grateful squeeze before letting go. He continued to cling to Nick, though - for which Nick was grateful.
And like it so often did nowadays, Nick was hit with just how brave Charlie was. Here were all these reminders of his trauma, some of which had started way before the cabin, before Nick even knew him - and here Charlie was, sitting beside him, still breathing, still fighting just as he always had. And he was protecting himself, regaining some control by not speaking.
Nick sometimes half-wished his own brain would come up with a similar coping mechanism. All he had was a constant, lightly simmering rage and the occasional dissociative episode or panic attack.
Charlie scanned the crowd around them. Everyone seemed to be seated now, all but the judge and the accused. Near the front, he spotted Officers Hazeldine and Carter, once again accompanied by Felicity. Charlie had assumed she was a secretary but maybe she was some sort of junior officer, to be invited to such a major hearing.
A side door opened and the faint hum of chatter faded. Highly-polished shoes clicked against the floor as Judge Middleton-Roy strode to the bench. He was seated and then the proceedings began.
One by one, names were read aloud and, one by one, men filed out into the dock. "Gregory Coates… Peter Gray… Nigel Lyndon… Judd McPherson… Kevin Wright…"
Thirty years seemed like a lot, Nick thought, although it was close to double his life. He looked each of them in the face as they came and went. These men who had chased Charlie through the woods, knocked him out, then locked him in a freezer for thirty-nine hours. Who had caused Charlie to wake up night after night, to be terrified to fall asleep. Who had caused Charlie so much pain that he didn't speak for a week after he was freed.
"Douglas Brindley" and "Ian Glover" both cried when their life sentences were announced.
Nick couldn't bring himself to empathise with a single tear that fell. At the sight of their faces, Nick and Charlie were brought right back to that place, those rooms. Charlie felt hot blood spatter his hands. Nick saw them sneer as they taunted him, as Douglas Brindley drove a knife into his side.
When "Philip Harding" entered, Nick's anger threatened to boil over. Charlie gripped his hand right back. Tight.
Mr H cried too.
So did Sahar. Though Nick suspected her tears were more on behalf of his daughter.
"... Vincent Fletcher…"
None of them had even known the gang leader's name until this trial had begun. The man's face was haggard and drawn as he took to the dock but other than that, his clothes and hair were neat and tidy. There was an air of calm amusement in his eyes - a look Nick recognised from the casual, almost humorous way he discussed Charlie's probable death in his nightmares.
Charlie's palm was cold beneath his own but soft and solid. Nick tried to swallow his anger and focus instead on that thrumming pulse alongside his own.
But then something happened which hadn't happened all morning - for they had been there all morning at this point. Before he could be led away for the rest of his life, Vincent Fletcher raised his hand, wishing for permission to speak. Permission was granted, though how many people approved of this, Nick wasn't sure. He certainly didn't.
The gang leader stood up and cleared his throat. "Since I have not been able to contact my friends or family over the past few weeks, I see no other way to let them know… that I love them and I will miss them. Be strong without me, my lovely Claudia. I know you will raise our child with enough love for the both of us. Tell our little bean that their daddy would be there if he could. And most of all, I suppose I just want somebody to feed the chickens."