"Will you be joining us for lunch Isabella?", she asks. Hearing Edward sigh behind me makes me like the little vampire a little more already. Her erratic raven black spiked hair bounces against her shoulders as if she is swaying to her own person song.
"Not today Alice, Isabella and I have to work on our science assessment", insists Edward, "we don't have time to have a sit down lunch".
"A sit-down lunch? Are you going to invite her for high tea next?", she says, winking at me as though it was some long running inside joke, rather than the reality which only causes my brain to stop in its track. "You guys are doing a cell study partner assignment right?".
"Yes Alice, it is the partnered assignment", he says, "as in an assignment to be completed by the assigned partners of the group. Now if you will excuse us, Isabella and I must hurry along. We have a lot of work to do". Before I can very loudly shut down any attempt for Edward to get me on my own, he reaches out his hand to settle in the curve of my back. Barely even using 0.001% of his strength he manages to push me towards the door, and every inch of my body runs cold as I struggle to keep myself from tripping over my feet.
I don't know if it has been wilful ignorance or some self-assured bullshit but thanks to an embarrassing level of naivety, it is only now that I realise exactly how utterly screwed I am. All the planning, all the being secure, it all amounts to nothing. At the end of the day I can do absolutely nothing to stop him from doing whatever he wants, if these vampires want me dead, I'll be dead.
The door seems to be coming closer at an alarming rate until Alice re-appears in front of us, blocking Edward from leaving the room and causing any determination of his to be lost in the face of frustration.
"If it really is a lot of work then maybe we can help! I remember Jasper mentioning that he and Rosalie worked on something like this together last year at our old school, I am sure they would be more than happy to help you start!", says Alice. I didn't think it was possible but somehow the thought of having lunch with Rosalie is enough to push me over to a whole other level of fear and now all I can hear is my pounding heart threatening to burst from my ears.
The conversation between the two vampires is drowned out by the epiphany of my inevitable doom. Edward seems to be mutter something about not want to cheat and while I have no idea what Alice says in return, I know it is enough to cause a faint growl from him. I don't know if anyone else heard, but just in case I missed it he tightens his grip around my waist. I would yell or scream but all the moister in my mouth seems to have escaped down to my palms. The only thing I have to be thankful about is that he seems to be too busy try to force Alice to back off rather than notice my heart threatening to burst from my chest. Urghhh! I can't keep up; my mind feels like it's on over drive, all of my thoughts are flying around faster than I can catch them. The loudest of them looping around on repeat. Like, why was Edward so keen to have me away from his family? Why did he want me alone? Why did Alice want me there? Does he want to kill me and she is trying to stop it? Why would she care enough to even try to stop it?
After a million thoughts and what most have been an eternity, I feel Alice's concerned eyes dart towards my chest. Oh shit she knows I am freaking out! She must know that I know they're vampires! Shit say something Isabella! Crap what were they talking about?
"Mhmm sure", I mumble. Not that I know what I just agreed to, but it seems to be enough to gain two very contrasting reactions. On one side of me is a beaming smile and on the other stormy countenance. I cannot help but gravitate towards Alice as Edward releases his grip.
"Its decided then!", says Alice looping her ice cold arm through mine, pulling me into the wave of students in the hall. Why were people latching on to my arm today? I try to swallow the lump forming in my throat but considering the desert that has set up camp in my mouth it comes off as more of a strong gulp. I try to fight against every instinct that says to throw her as far as possible, which would be deceivingly hard. While she is tiny, she is still a very solid vampire, and it would be really awkward to try and explain what I was trying to do. Instead I try to take a deep breath which of course is a terrible idea, the overly sweet scent of watermelon mixed with mint invades my every single one of my senses. Seriously the last thing I need right now is stupid pheromones! I try to cut them off before they dull any remaining brain function I still have, but short of stopping my oxygen intake, there wasn't much I could do. Seemingly unaware of my internal plight, the small pixie only giggles against the side of me.
"Are you always this stiff, or do I just make you nervous", she says.
"Umm sorry?", I say, unsure of what else I can even say to that. Brooding and overly polite Edward was one thing but this is just way too left field. What the hell is going on. Of course by now the halls are filling to the brim with students making their way towards the cafeteria. Was this school not originally designed in mind of the Forkians breeding habits!? There wasn't much else to do in a town this small! I mean the size of this hall was designed for only 50 students rather than the millions it feels like now. Is it really hot in here all of a sudden? Isn't it snowing outside?
"Don't be sorry, I just don't want to make you to feel uncomfortable!", she says. Yep definitely too hot. A student accidently bumps into my arm and I can't help but flinch, stumbling back straight into the tiny vampire. Her cool skin would even be soothing if not for, well, the mind-altering pheromones and the alarms ringing in my head screaming to get out of here.
"Uhhh, sorry", I say again. The second bell indicating the start of lunch belts through my head with the gentleness of a jackhammer. The conversations of the students passing around seem to build up around us, no matter how high up I look the density of the noise seems to follow.
"You said that already", she says, her face drops again into what seems like an uncharacteristic look of concern as her golden eyes lock on to mine.
She stops us in the middle of the hall, releasing my arm and all I can do is squeeze my eyes shut, waiting for the herd of students to crush me. To be honest at this point that would be gladly welcome, anything to claw my way out of the world closing in around me.
"Alice what have you done? Is everything ok Isabella?", asks a panicked Edward rushing to my side trying to step between me and his sister, "Give her some space I will take her outside". My eyes fly open in a flurry of renewed panic. As my breath begins to shorten, I find Alice's golden eyes, still staring straight towards me. For the second time today, I find myself stuck in a vampires stare unable to say a word, but for very different reasons. Thankfully Alice seems to understand these reasons.
"It's ok, I'll take her", she says. I don't know what is happening, the only thing I know right now is that I just need out. Out of this hall, out of this situation, out of this town, I don't care. I just need out.
"Alice, I insist that you allow me to escort my lab partner to a safer environment", argues Edward as he tries to step in front of us. Nope, nope, nope. I am shaking my head so intently that it manages to not only draw the focus of the two vampires but also any students in the surrounding area. I don't know if it was the attention being drawn to us or the fact that Edward finally got the hint, but without a moment's notice Alice is pulling me through the corridors away from the ever-growing hoard of humans.
After what feels like an eternity, Alice pushes open a set of double doors to reveal a small empty courtyard. She pushes me out of the overbearing warmth into the pine filtered Forksian air, and almost instantly the cold air burns through my lungs. It is enough to jolt the shallow breaths out of their chaotic rhythm and to clear my head of the invading pheromones.
The doors slam shut behind us causing me to jump, but before I can get to upset I am met by the roaring silence. There is no noise, no buzzing of chatter, nothing except the sound of my heart pounding in my ears.
Alice leads me towards the only wooden bench in the middle of the freshly dewed courtyard so I can collapse to the bench. Of course Alice gracefully sits on the other side of the bench allowing me to cradle my head in peace. My elbows are digging into my thighs trying to push down my jittering legs.
I cannot believe that I thought I would be able to handle this! I should have called them straight away! In fact shouldn't have even left home in the first place! Uncle said I wasn't ready and did I listen? Of course not. How could I have been such an idiot!
I don't know if Alice is a mind reader or I just look truly pathetic, but she moves a little too quickly to kneel in front of me.
"Hey Isabella, I need you to not get lost in your head, okay? Right now, you are safe. No one else is out here. Just you and me", she says in a soft voice. How am I safe? No matter what it seems that I was going to spend today alone with a vampire! This is literally the opposite of being ok! I can only respond my letting my leg shake harder.
"Hey, no Isabella, I need you to come back. Look at me, please?", she asks. God this is so stupid! How is this going to help! Against all reason I decide to humour her and pull my head up just enough to look the vampire in her golden eyes. I don't know if it is because this is all a little too familiar or that I have finally unfolded my spine, but the cold air seems to run through my system a little easier.
"Ok that's good. Now I need you to take a few deep breaths with me, ok?", she asks. She takes my silence for acceptance and beings the tedious process of taking a deep breath. Well, if she has to go through the trouble of breathing, I may as well try too. I take a deep breath and eventually even manage to match her slow rhythm.
As much as I hate to admit it, I actually start to feel well, I don't want to say good but at least not bad. The whole time she stays kneeling in front of me, wearing what I only now start to notice as what looks to be designer grey jeans. Not that I know what designer jeans look like, but I do know that is there is a wet patch growing around her knees. I don't if she can feel it or for a matter of fact, if she even cares. I really don't know a thing about her, I know she is a vampire, but of course she isn't even predictable in that regard.
"How do you know about all this breathing stuff anyway?", I ask in between breaths.
"Jasper taught me, it helps when I get lost in my head", she says. How on earth does breathing help a vampire, who you know DOESN'T NEED AIR! Unfortunately, I fail to hide the hitch in my breathing, which is quickly caught by the vampire.
"Keep going", she says.
"How does this help you?", I ask, trying to distract her as I adjust my breathing back into rhythm.
"Well, it's more about the focus right? If you actively focus on one activity, it's harder for everything else to drown you out". That irritatingly makes sense. Even though so far my only reward is that I am now left feeling exhausted and well, I guess empty seems to be the most accurate word I can come up with right now. Disrupting my breathing with an absolutely necessary sigh, I shift my position to let my head thunk on the wet bench.
I try to block everything out and for this moment only focus on the threatening grey sky, the trees surrounding the courtyard and the feeling of the back of my own jeans now getting wet for the second time today instead of, well everything else. It just seems like the simpler problem, something I can actually fix unlike everything else. I mean my jeans not the sky, I really do not want to add altering the weather to my list of things to fix today.
"How are you feeling?", Alice asks breaking my impossible mental to do list. I tilt my head to look up at her, searching for any sign of insincerity, threat, or well just any sign I should jump up as far from this table as I can manage, yet somehow, I am only met with pure concern. I don't know if it is concern for her meal, or genuine concern for me but at this moment I really can't find it in me to care.
"Honestly? I'm really tired", I admit. I shift my focus back to the tops of the trees rustling against the grey back drop. If I had the energy I would yell at the trees, just begging for some affirmative response that everything is going to be ok. Only to be met with more rustling.
"If it makes you feel any better that is supposed to be relatively normal", she offers.
"Great", I scoff, "at least one thing in my life seems to go normal".
"What about your life hasn't been normal?", she asks. I am literally talking to a vampire, what part of my life is normal!
"It's hard to explain", I sigh.
"I have been told I am a bit of an expert on all things abnormal. Try me", she says. I look back up to wide curious eyes and honestly if I didn't feel so deflated it might actually be funny.
"Fine as an expert what would you say to someone who fought tooth and nail just to go to school in the most boring town on earth?" I ask.
"I would say that you clearly felt like there was a good reason to".
"See that is what I thought to, but now I am really not too sure".
"And why is that?", she asks.
"Well because, what if I was wrong and this was just a massive I told you so? That I'm not ready for this"
"I guess the most important question is, does the I told you so mean more to you than your reason for coming here?", she asks.
"Does it sound bad if I say I don't know if there is a difference?", I ask.
"No but you should think about it. There usually is", she says.
"Any examples on your end?".
"A lot more than I care to admit actually", she says.
"Well don't keep me hanging, I just poured my soul out to a stranger and am waiting for the inevitable self-bashing that is bound to occur any moment now. If you don't balance the scales I think I will go insane", I say, earning a giggle from the pixie.
"Ok fine, that is fair", she says with a sigh, her smile slowly fading, "For me I tend to get stuck in the outcome of things and I struggle to take in what it can take for someone to get to the outcomes. So while I turn out right, it isn't always for the best". Her gaze seems to reach even further than mine. While I have a mile long stare, she seems to observe the galaxy as whole. Which is just another way of saying she just sounds really tired.
"So then what advice would you give to someone experiencing the journey, but dreading the outcome?", I ask.
"Every choice matters, but you learn more about yourself making the choice than you ever could contemplating them", she says.
"Why does that make more sense than I want it to?", I ask.
"Because its true", she sighs.
We sit in a silence that is lighter than the snow beginning to surround us in a bubble of simple contentment. I wait for my brain to scream that the exact opposite is true. That I had been a complete idiot for spilling my guts to a vampire I had never met but somehow, nothing. Right now, against my better judgement, it is just nice.
"Can I ask you something?", she asks.
"Shoot", I say.
The school bell rings in the corridor inside, making its way to our little courtyard. Alice jumps up quicker than I can even comprehend, while I struggle to find the motivation to even lift my head from the soggy wood.
"Saved by the bell I guess", I say.
"Didn't Edward mention you have a double biology period today". A new wave of cold threatens to wash through me before I hear Alice giggling by my side.
"Just kidding, I just wanted to see your face", she says.
"I hate you."
"No you don't. See you tomorrow", she says dancing her way through the doors.