40
"No. No, Bee, just no!"
Edward glanced at Bella, who was standing next to the hallway leading to her bedroom with her arms across in front of her. Her freshly cast arm against her chest, her fingertips gripping the front of her T-shirt. While Irina had told them that her broken bones were healing beautifully, she would need at least another two weeks in a cast and then probably a few weeks in a brace before she could even attempt to play her guitar.
They had just arrived back at Blacktail Ranch. When they walked into the house, finding Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Tyler, and Felix gathered in the living room, Bella had randomly announced that she had decided it was time to go back to the original home of the Gathering of Twilight.
And, well, Charlie hadn't liked it.
"I'm not asking permission," she spoke softly, barely audible even to Edward, who was leaning against the wall across from her.
Ready to make a break for it, he thought. Just in case they needed to lock themselves away. They hadn't spent more than five minutes around everyone in days, and it wasn't just because of Bella, either. He hadn't wanted to be around them — he hadn't wanted to face them, to have them push him on what they had both gone through. Edward wasn't ready for that; he wasn't sure he'd ever be ready to admit what they did to survive.
Charlie sighed, gripping the back of his neck as his eyes flickered from her to Edward and back. "Can I talk to you alone?"
"No," she murmured, taking a step down the hallway. "You're not going to change my mind. I need to go there. I need to face . . . to face that place, Charlie. I need to!"
"Why?" Everyone turned toward the kitchen where Esme leaned, her legs crossed at the ankle and a cup of coffee pressed against her chest. "Tell them why you need to go there, Bella."
As they looked at her, Bella took another step backward. "I've spent twenty years not understanding why I was scared of everything, of everyone. Of not wanting to sleep because I knew I would dream of being led into a room full of candles and held down while . . . I felt . . . Hell, I still feel like a freak, like a loser who can't even handle letting my father hug me because I'll have a panic attack. Well, now I know what happened, but I need to see where it happened."
She shook her head, her chest heaving as she inhaled a deep breath through her nose. Edward could see her shaking, and it took all of his control not to pull her into his arms and yell at them to just let her do what she needed. He didn't want to go back there any more than they did, but she needed to face their pasts, and maybe he did, too. Even if it scared him more than he was willing to admit.
"Edward can tell me all damn day what happened inside that room, what they did to us, but until I face it for myself, I'll never be able to move on from it. You don't have to go, but I am going back there."
Charlie sighed and shook his head. "Fine."
"Fine? That's all you're going to say?"
"Do I want to go back there? Nope, sure as hell don't. But if you need to, then I will go with you, Bee, because no matter what happened there or what happened when Ben and Angela kidnapped you and Edward, I'm never not going to be your father. I love you, honey, and that will never change."
"Yeah?" she whispered, her voice thick with tears.
And when Charlie spoke again, his lips trembled, and his words were laced with tears. "Not ever, Bee. I promise."
She nodded and took another step backward. Her eyes shifted to Edward before she turned and hurried down the hallway and into her bedroom. The sound of the door closing echoed, but before he could follow, needing to be close to her, Carlisle called out to him.
"Can we talk? Please?" he asked, putting his hands up in front of him like he always had. "Just me, you, and Mom," he added, gesturing toward Esme. "Just us."
Though he wanted to check on Bella, he agreed, and pushing away from the wall, he followed his parents into the kitchen. He slid into one of the chairs while Esme and Carlisle got them all coffee and walked over to the table, sitting on the other side. There had been many times in the last twenty years that he'd seen them worn and battered; when they'd spent days trying to keep him off the edge. Especially when he was little, when the nightmares were fresh, raw, and emotional. This was back before he learned to mask his feelings and pretend he wasn't living every day toeing the line between sanity and panic. He thought he had long gotten over the first five years of his life, but he hadn't. There hadn't been a day when he didn't think about Marcus Volturi and his brothers and about Bella and how he had failed her.
"Well," Esme said, ending the silence around them. "You look like crap, kiddo."
Edward laughed under his breath. "I feel like crap, so . . ."
"Son, Mom and I think it's time we call Dr. Banner."
He blew out a heavy breath. "Figured that was coming up sooner or later."
"There's no shame needing to see him again, Edward," Esme said, stretching her hand toward him. But when he dropped his into his lap, she slid her hand back. "We're worried."
"I know," he murmured. "I'm kind of worried, too."
"Why are you worried?" Carlisle asked.
He shook his head. "I . . . I was supposed to be stronger. She was counting on me, and I . . . I fought. I swear I fought hard, Dad, but . . . It wasn't enough, and in the end, I let her down."
"You did fight, Edward. You both fought, and you won. You beat them; you both beat them."
"But I was supposed to keep them from getting to her in the first place!" he exclaimed, pushing away from the table and standing. "I just got her back, you know? And she loves me. She fucking loves me, and what did I do? I let them get close to her. I was supposed to stop them. I was supposed to keep her safe, and I fucking failed her again."
"No, you didn't, Edward." Esme stood and put her hands up in front of her. "All you have ever done is survive."
"I don't feel like I've survived."
"You're here, aren't you?" Carlisle asked.
"I guess."
He stood next to Esme, placing his hand on the small of her back. "We just don't want you or Bella to lose yourself to your anger, or pain, or grief. Let us call Dr. Banner. Just . . . just let us be here for you, for both of you."
Edward nodded. "Okay."
"Thank you, kiddo." Esme stretched her hands out to him. He inhaled a sharp breath before he wrapped his fingers around hers, feeling his entire body tense at the contact. He didn't want to be afraid of holding his mother's hand again. "We love you, Edward, and we love her, too. That will never, ever stop. No matter what the fear and doubt inside you say. Okay?"
Edward smiled. "Yeah, okay. I'll try to remember that."
"Good boy. Now, you'd better go check on her while we plan to move out."
"You're okay with us going back?"
"Well, can't say I want to see the place where they hurt my boy, but you and Bella need to face what's happened to both of you, and you can't do that if we don't have your back. So it looks like we're all going with you."
"And you promise not to leave us behind, right?" he whispered.
"Hey, I didn't leave you behind before, and I'm certainly not doing it now," Carlisle said, reaching out and covering their hands with his. "And that's a promise, Edward."
"Thanks, I know it's silly."
"It's not. Perfectly normal given everything you've been through lately."
Edward nodded before he slipped his hands from his parents and walked around them and out of the kitchen, bypassing the living room. He continued down the hallway and stopped just outside the door to Bella's bedroom. He raised his hand and knocked once, twice, a third time.
He heard her move inside just before the door swung open, and she said, "Goddamn it, Charlie, I said I'm going!" Her eyes widened as she stepped out and looked down the hallway before stepping back into her bedroom. "Sorry. I figured he was here to talk me out of going."
"Kind of thought he would fight harder, to be honest."
"Me too." She moved back and waved him into her room. "You coming in?"
"Do you want me to?"
She smiled. "I do."
Edward grinned as he stepped past her and into her room, kicking his shoes off before sitting on the side of her bed. She closed the door and leaned against it as she turned and faced him.
"Are you mad at me?"
"Why would I be mad?"
She shrugged. "Because I need to go back there, and you don't want to."
"No, I don't," he confessed, placing his hands on his knees. "But you do, and I can't let you go back alone."
"Why not?"
"Because even though we aren't those same five-year-olds that were found inside a cabinet, I'm afraid if I don't go with you, I'll . . . I'll lose you again."
Nodding, Bella pushed away from the door and walked over to him, placing her hand on his shoulder before sliding it up to the side of his face. "We fought through hell to survive, and I'm not going to let anyone, not Ben or Angela, take you away from me, Edward."
"Do you promise?" he whispered. "Do you promise, Bella?"
"I promise, love. I promise."
Wrapping his arms around her waist, he leaned his forehead against her chest and cried.
—TB—
They left Bondurant, Wyoming, at the wee hour of three a.m. the following day. Nobody was willing to stay behind, so they divided themselves into smaller groups, climbed into their cars, and started the journey to where it all started, Edward thought.
He and Bella rode with Carlisle, Esme, and Charlie. Emmett and Rosalie were in the same car as Jasper and Alice, who had been oddly standoffish and quiet since they arrived at Blacktail Ranch. Edward wasn't sure what her problem was, and to be honest, he didn't care. That's not true; he did care; he just didn't have the energy to take care of her, too. He was too busy trying to keep himself from falling apart.
Felix and Tyler were the only two who refused to make the trip back with them. Instead, they were going to go back to Los Angeles to see if they could get confirmation that Kate Denali and Mike Newton had been the two people killed inside Bella's house. There was no doubt in Edward's mind it was them, and he suspected that Felix wasn't ready to face his demons, which Edward could respect. After all, he was still dealing with the letdown over not being able to kill his father.
It took them a little over twenty-eight hours, three stops for fuel, bathroom breaks, and food before they found themselves driving through the small community of Elkins, West Virginia. Carlisle turned onto Highway eighty-five, heading east.
Edward clenched his hands into tight fists as they made the five-mile drive before making a sharp left turn down a narrow, overgrown dirt road. A few minutes later, he parked outside a set of high, chained, and locked iron gates. None of them attempted to get out of the car, though.
"How long had they been in operation before you associated them with the murder of our parents?" Bella asked.
Charlie and Carlisle shared a look before they glanced at Esme, seated in the middle seat of the black SUV. The three then turned to the very back where she and Edward sat.
"Five years, give or take a few months. We don't know exactly when the Volturi Brothers established the Gathering of Twilight, but we think it was about five years before you and Edward were born," Carlisle explained.
"And, um, how many . . . how many kids . . ." Bella shook her head. "There were a lot of us, weren't there?"
"Almost two dozen," Charlie replied, clearing his throat. "Felix was one of the oldest, and you and Edward were the youngest."
"And all of the parents of the other kids, they knew what was happening to their kids? They knew, and they just let them . . . them rape us?"
"They did."
Bella nodded before she tilted her head toward Edward. "You can stay here if you want. I won't hold it against you."
"We're in this together."
Her lips curved into a small, fragile smile before she nodded. "Then let's go."
Even if the last place Edward wanted to go was through those gates, he found himself agreeing. Carlisle and Esme were the first to emerge from the car, followed immediately by Charlie. Edward ducked his head, glancing at Bella before he lowered the middle seat and exited the vehicle. His legs felt heavy and weak as his feet touched the ground. He stood straight and turned, holding his hand out to Bella.
She wrapped her fingers around his and allowed him to help her out of the SUV. Her arm came around his torso, and he felt her fist the back of his shirt as she pressed her body firmly against his. The sound of another car pulling up drew their attention behind Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, and Alice, who all stood near Emmett's car.
The driver's door opened, and Irina climbed out. Unlike the two times they had met with her before when she had been in scrubs. Today she wore blue jeans, a long-sleeve black T-shirt, and black and white sneakers. Her hair had been pulled into a ponytail, and there were dark sunglasses on her face.
"Carlisle, Charlie," Irina said as she walked past, stopping when she was a few feet away from Edward and Bella. "Sorry, I'm late. I made a wrong turn, and anyway, I'm here now."
"Why are you here?" Edward asked, tightening his arm around Bella.
"I'm here for you and Bella."
"You are?" she whispered.
"Of course I am. I can't very well suggest you face your fears if I'm unwilling to face them with you, can I?"
Bella lifted her head from Edward's chest. "You came all the way here so we wouldn't go through this alone?"
"Look around you, Bella. Does it look like you're alone?" Irina asked. Bella turned and looked at Carlisle and Esme, then at Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, and Alice before finally landing on Charlie, who had his hands shoved deep into the front pockets of his jeans. "Where have they been for the last fifteen days?"
"With us," she cried, leaning her head on Edward's chest again, and he tightened his arms around her.
"Edward, where have they been for the last twenty years?" Irina asked.
A tear slid down his face as he answered with a garbled, "With us. Always with us."
Irina smiled and nodded before she shifted her eyes past them to his parents. "Esme, why'd you agree to bring Edward into your home?"
"Because I knew he needed me."
"How'd you know he needed you? Did you just take Carlisle's word for it?"
Esme smiled and shook her head, a tear sliding down her face. She quickly wiped it away. "No, I didn't just take his word, even though he was right." She covered her mouth for a moment before she lowered it to her chest. "When Carlisle called me, when he told me about Edward, I didn't think it was a good idea to bring this fragile, damaged little boy into my house. But then I heard him in the background."
"Who?" Irina asked.
"Edward. I heard Edward in the background," she wept softly. "Carlisle called from the hospital and told me about this sweet child who needed someone to love him, to take care of him like a mom should. I was going to say no. I was scared of taking in a child who was going to need more than I thought I could give him."
"What changed?" Edward asked.
Esme smiled at him. "I heard you crying for her, for Bella, and it broke my heart. I told Carlisle to bring him home. I said you could stay with us until we found you somewhere safe. But when I saw you, I . . . Well, I knew you were meant to be my son, Edward, and I never regretted saying yes."
"You don't?"
"Of course not!" she exclaimed, stepping toward him but stopping when he moved himself and Bella away.
"I'm sorry."
"It's just a lot right now," he murmured.
Esme nodded and moved backward. "Nobody is going to do anything that makes you uncomfortable."
Irina pushed her sunglasses on top of her head. "Emmett, did they ask you if you were okay with bringing Edward into your house?"
As everyone turned and looked at him, Emmett took a couple of steps away from Rosalie, folding his arms in front of him. "Mom did."
"And what did you think when she told you about him?"
"I didn't understand why he didn't fight back. Mom and Dad had always told me and Jay to scream; to hit and punch and kick, do whatever we needed to stop someone if they came at us like that. So I didn't understand why he didn't fight back. But then Mom explained that there had been no one to teach Edward that saying no was okay."
"I remember asking Dad after he brought you in why nobody stopped them from hurting you," Jasper murmured, and Alice wrapped herself around him. "He said . . . he said, 'Jay, I don't know, but we're going to keep him safe. We're going to be his family.' And no matter what happened inside here, or what happened when Ben Cheney and Angela Weber, we will always be your family, Edward. And yours, too, Bella, if you'll let us."
"You mean that?" she whispered.
Though the question was directed toward Jasper, Alice was the one who answered with a firm "Yes. Family doesn't quit just because it gets hard. We've loved him through a lot, Bella, and we'll love you through a lot, too. You just have to let us."
With her head still against Edward's chest, she nodded and said, "Call me Bee."
"What?" Alice asked.
"Call me Bee. My family . . . they call me Bee, so . . . you should probably call me Bee, too."
"Bee is it, then."
Thank you for all the AMAZING reviews! Big, huge shout out and hug to Sunflower Fran for mudding through this with me. Next chapter is going to be a heavy one, so be warned. See you next Saturday!