A/N: Thank you for your patience, everyone! Have a pretty long update for you. Lots of ground I had to cover. Enjoy and have a great Thanksgiving!

…

Earthshine

Chapter XXVIII

"Natural Surroundings"

…

"Sometimes people appear in your life unexpectedly like a gift from the Universe. You didn't even know you needed them, or that you had called out silently to them. They appear when you needed them most, to lift you, educate you, wake you up, or shine a light on your path." - Riitta Klint

…

[Edward]

After lying in agony for several hours, I managed to force myself out of the cabin and outside, where I dashed off into the forest. The action felt mechanical, a mere necessity, and the speed could not even remotely manage to excite me.

The trees were different here. Less…green. Plenty of oak and elm trees. Trees which changed with the seasons, unlike in Forks. I imagined the colors in the Fall were very vibrant. The scenery was touchable in this place. It was malleable.

I took down a couple of wild boar and a small pack of coyotes. It satiated my body, but I felt hollow still. I had become indifferent to my hunger. There was a vast disconnect between what my body needed and what I was feeling.

I made it back to the ranch well before sunrise, then lay in bed as I watched the pale light brighten the room from behind the curtain that hung over the window.

I brainstormed ways to try and make this work. What could I say to Vitalia's parents? What reasonable explanation could I give for why I couldn't come out during the day?

I ruminated over it for a long time, before I heard Eden's thoughts stir in the house. She quickly ran over the list of errands she wanted to get done before her mind turned to me.

I wonder what I can do? Make him some breakfast? Some tea, at least? I can go check on him.

She ultimately decided on bringing me a cup of tea and prepared it in the silent house before putting on her slippers and heading out to me.

The herbal fragrance of her tea reached me before her soft knocks came.

"Edward?" She called through the door. "Can I come in?"

I closed my eyes and turned on my side, back facing the door, as I forced my breaths to be even and deep. I wasn't quite ready to speak with her. Soon, but…I needed to figure out what, exactly, I would say if she started asking questions.

Is he even awake? She wondered before the door opened with a creak.

She stepped into the room and her thoughts turned sympathetic.

You poor boy. She set the tea down on the nightstand then reached over and pulled the blanket up over my shoulders before smoothing a hand over my shoulder.

I'll just let him rest, she decided before backing out of the room. The tea will be there for him when he wakes up.

She left and I sighed, shifting onto my back and letting my gaze slide to the steaming mug beside me.

I watched the wispy tendrils as they immersed into the air, each particle visible to me. I continued to gaze at the hypnotic dance as the ranch sprang to life outside. Ranch hands showed up and busied themselves with tending to the horses and feeding the other livestock around the place. I watched Diego walk out and greet someone he referred to as "Rick". Vitalia had mentioned an Uncle Ricky and I wondered if he was the same person.

Eden moved about setting workbooks on the table before she walked to Vitalia's door and knocked. I heard a muffled groan.

Is it morning already? Vitalia thought grumpily.

"What?" She asked, voice cracking.

"Time to get started on school, Vi. I've got some coffee brewing for you."

"…'kay."

Vitalia's thoughts darted around in her head for a minute before she remembered me and sat up quickly.

Right. Eddy's here. I wonder if mom will let me go and check on him first?

I pulled away from her thoughts while she got up and readied herself for the day. She sprang from the room and made a dash for the coffee pot, pouring the dark liquid into a mug with creamer before blowing on it and turning to Eden.

"You mind if I run out and check on Eddy before we start?"

Eden shook her head. "I've already been out there. He was sound asleep. You can head out after we're done."

Lame, Vitalia thought as she dragged her feet over to the chair and slumped down. From Eden's eyes, I watched as the girl's face contorted in displeasure. It'd literally take, like, ten minutes. I really want to see how he's doing. So much more important than school right now.

She took a long swig of coffee, rolled her eyes, then picked up her pencil. She sent a sleepy glare her mother's way, before leaning forward in her seat and starting her work.

The faster you get this done, the sooner you can go see Edward. Eden thought reasonably.

I sighed as I lied there, continuing to listen to the easy, ordinary thoughts of Vi and her mother. I listened to the scratch of pencil on paper, watching her girlish, haphazard handwriting take shape over the pages.

Eden gave gentle directions here and there while she read from a large book. It was a book on homeopathic remedies to general illnesses. I'd taken several different courses in medical school, but homeopathy was never among them. I had to admit that I was somewhat clueless when it came to herbal medication. Eden was a firm believer though. She poured over the words with a quiet eagerness.

A couple of hours later, Vitalia declared she was done. Before she could spring up from her seat though, Eden tilted her head curiously.

I wonder if she's still planning on bringing her friends over…

"Hey, are you still inviting Emma and the others over here tonight?"

Vitalia's brows creased, before I heard her remember. Her eyes widened. "I completely forgot about that!"

Eden nodded knowingly. "I had a feeling."

"Do you think I should?" Her thoughts turned to me and I felt another rush of guilt for imposing on her the way I was.

Eden sighed and ran a hand through her daughter's hair, twirling the vibrant streak of blue before tucking it behind her ear, teddy bear stud earring revealed there. "Maybe you should talk to him first before you decide. Maybe some socializing will be good for him."

Vitalia nodded. "Yeah…maybe." They aren't coming until the evening, so the whole sun thing won't be an issue. But does he really want to be around a bunch of people right now?

She shook her head, gave her mom a half-smile, then walked to the door, where she put on a pair of combat boots. Guess it doesn't hurt to ask though, right?

I braced myself for her visit, drawing in a deep breath before sitting up and lifting my eyes to the mug of tea. I deliberated a long moment before reaching for it. For the sake of keeping the girl from having to lie about what had happened to the contents of the mug, I raised it to my lips and quickly swallowed the brew, wincing as it slid down my resistant throat.

I set it down and shook my head. I wanted to try and have an answer for what she was about to ask. In truth, I wasn't feeling up to it, but that didn't mean she shouldn't visit with her friends. I wanted that for her. And if she wanted to introduce me, I'd let her. I certainly owed her that much.

Vitalia knocked a second later. I opened my mouth to tell her to come in, but she pushed the door open before I had a chance, grin bright in greeting.

"Hey, you're awake!"

I only nodded.

She stepped in and her eyes fell to the empty mug on the nightstand. She chuckled and grabbed it. "You really didn't have to drink this, you know."

"I know." I nodded again. "But your mom will probably ask and I didn't want you to have to lie for me. I had a feeling you'd dump it out and pretend I'd finished it."

"Hm…" she pursed her lips. "Maybe."

She set the mug down again then crossed the room to the chair, eyes roaming over my face. He still looks rough. It's probably going to take a long time for him to start to feel normal again.

I almost chuckled humorlessly at that. Normal? Nothing about my relationship with Bella had been normal. And now that she was gone…I would only ever be an empty version of myself. I was a planet drifting into the abyss without its universe to hold it in place. There was no coming back from that.

He looks so far away… Vi thought, still watching me.

I stared hard at the floor, willing myself to return to this moment. The passage of time did nothing to ease my pain. I would feel it every bit as acutely in ten years as I did right now. But I had to try and live this way, mostly for Vitalia's sake now.

I heard the girl sigh and I forced my expression into one as neutral as I could manage before lifting my eyes and settling them in hers.

She tilted her head as a little smile pulled at the corner of her mouth. "Your eyes are gold again."

"…I had a chance to hunt last night."

"Oh, yeah?" Vitalia asked, eyes glinting with intrigue. Her mind was suddenly thick with all of her unanswered questions. "What did you hunt?"

I shrugged. "Just some local wildlife. Coyotes and a couple of boar."

"Oooh, yeah. We've got lots of those. You probably did us a favor. We go on lots of night hunts. The coyotes are especially a nuisance. Always eating our chickens and killing Uncle Ricky's calves. And the boars like to rummage around in our gardens. It's kind of a problem, actually."

She was trying to imagine me hunting now — imagining me as a classic vampire, fangs drawn and all. She compared it with the sight of me sitting in front of her and seemed unsatisfied with what her mind had conjured up.

Something tells me that it wouldn't look like the cliché. And imagining a vampire drinking from a coyote is kind of funny.

I leaned toward her then, eyes a little more intent. "Vi…invite your friends over. Don't let me stand in the way of that." My words effectively pulled her from her speculations about me. My hunting seemed funny to her? Really?

She smiled. "You were listening, huh?"

I nodded. "Can't really turn it off." I paused for a moment, remembering how horrified Bella had been before I revealed that I couldn't read her mind. And how scandalized she had been when I'd told her I'd been spying on her. "…do you mind?" I asked, breathing through the painful memories of my beloved.

She took a second to consider before shrugging. "I mean, I told you before that it doesn't bother me that you can read my mind. I don't have anything to hide."

"Well, it isn't just that I can hear your thoughts," I explained. "I can also see through the eyes of the person whose thoughts I'm reading. I was able to watch you this morning through your mother, for instance. I was watching you do your schooling."

Vitalia laughed, the sound so at odds with the way I was feeling. "So you're pretty much a literal stalker, hm?"

"…pretty much," I answered uneasily.

"Well," she crossed her arms and sat back, sizing me up with a playful smirk. "I guess it depends on what, exactly, you see. Obviously, some things would bother me. Don't want you completely invading my privacy. Unless you can't really help that, like with the mind reading, then I'll probably try and be understanding."

"I can help it," I assured her. "I promise to respect your privacy, Vi. It was just…a comfort to me, watching you and your mother today. But if it bothers you, I'll restrict myself to just your thoughts."

I watched her lips purse in thought before she shook her head. "I'm good with it. Since you can't come out during the day, you have to do something, right? You probably would've been in the house with us anyway."

I slowly nodded, searching her mind again. I supposed I'd become a little desensitized to the shock of having a human being not react negatively to what I was. I'd been through it all already with Bella. Vitalia was even less surprising, given her already reckless mindset about these things.

"But about my friends," she backtracked. "Are you sure? I can give you my full attention for today, at least. They can wait until tomorrow or whatever."

I slowly shook my head. "No, no. I meant what I said. Don't change your plans for me."

She held my stare a moment, her blue gaze narrowing just a little. I mean, it kinda seems like he's underestimating his worth a little here. He's just as deserving of my attention as any of my other friends. But then, maybe I shouldn't give him a reason to feel guiltier than he already does…

"Okay," I nodded. "If you're sure, Eddy. I'll understand if you'd rather stay in here while they're visiting though."

"I might do that," I admitted, grateful that she wasn't pushing me to meet them just yet.

She gave me another smile before breathing in and staring around the room. Man, it must get so boring being stuck inside all day like this…not much to do in here. At least I can keep him company. Maybe I could get a TV or something brought in h-

"Don't worry about all that," I cut her thoughts off. She gave me a startled look, having forgotten, again, that I could her mind. If I'd been in a better mood, I would probably have found it very amusing.

I glanced to the stack of books under the bed and grabbed the one on top. The Science of Homeopathy. I gripped it tighter and looked up at Vitalia. "I'll be just fine with some books to read. Maybe I'll learn something." I wasn't sure I'd actually read any of them, but if I ever got to a state of mind where I wanted to learn something new, I had to admit that Eden's homeopathic methods had me curious.

She raised a brow and leaned forward to read the title. I got a strong hit of her shampoo as she did. It was a different one than she'd used before. This one was tropical. Hibiscus, maybe? And definitely coconut. Combined with her natural, water scent, it immediately brought to mind a vibrant oasis.

Wasn't she just that though? An oasis in the barren desert my life had become?

She chuckled. "Uh-oh. My mom might convert you with this book. Said it changed her life."

"Well, I could certainly use something life-changing." I spoke the words before I had time to fully consider them. My eyes drifted down to my hands and I clenched the book tighter before returning it to the stack under the bed.

I didn't let myself hope that my circumstances could change, but my mind stubbornly drifted back to Maria. I couldn't say that she was happy, but she had managed to find something that was meaningful to her. Something that fulfilled her. It kept her going in spite of losing her other half.

I realized as I spoke these words to Vitalia that this was actually something I wanted. I wanted to find something that could change my bleak existence again. Something that could at least spark some life into me.

If such a thing was to be found, I figured Vitalia had the best chance of helping me to find it. In spite of no longer feeling a craving for blood, I found I still craved vitality. I'd once speculated that it was the thing vampires craved most.

Vi reached for my hand and she silently drew my eyes back to hers. "I agree. You could use that. I'm pretty confident you'll find it too. Life has a way of surprising us that way. There's nothing we can't come back from."

"It's different for me," I answered softly. "It's rare for any change to happen for my kind. Even falling in love…it's a one time thing. And if we lose that…it's not something we can heal from. Never fully anyway."

"Rare, but not impossible." Vitalia answered. "And that happens for anyone who's lost someone. Nothing can replace their place in our lives, but we find a way to keep going anyway. To keep living."

"…well, we'll see." My voice sounded doubtful.

Vitalia squeezed my hand before sitting back, tilting her head at me. I wonder where his family i-

"Where's your family?"

"Uhm…" My brows creased before I shook my head. Blinking and glancing down again. "I don't know, actually. They were in New York, last I heard." I knew Alice had to have seen something though. Saw what I'd first intended to do. But the fact that she hadn't come after me meant that my decision to live was more solidified than I'd previously assumed. "Alice went to Forks though. She probably stayed for the f-"I took a breath and clenched my hands tightly together. "For the funeral."

"Ah…so you haven't spoken to them yet?"

"No. I'm not sure what to say…I can't talk to them right now. Soon, but…I need time."

"I get that. But they're probably worried, you know?"

"…yes, I'm sure they are. I just don't want them to hear me like this. It would hurt them too much. It'd be better if I waited."

"M'kay…" she sighed, clearly disagreeing. They're his family. Even if it hurts, they seem so loving, so I'm sure they'd want to help. But if that's what he wants, then I guess I should just leave it alone.

A chime sounded from Vitalia'a pocket and she reached for her phone before flipping it open and reading the screen. The words sounded in her mind as she read them.

Matias: Hey, can't wait to see you tonight! Em said you like root beer, right? Because I found these awesome, vintage root beer candies at Cracker Barrel last night. Bought you a bag ;)

I glanced up again at the girl and watched the small smile that formed on her face. I wondered who Matias was. It was obvious there was something going on here between them. I was briefly concerned it would turn into another Derek situation, before I let the thought go. She seemed to have learned from that experience, so I doubted she'd make the same mistake twice.

It was good to see that she'd recovered enough from Derek to take a chance on dating again. She seemed to have let go of her hiatus on that.

And she hadn't gotten hung up on me, which was also good. She had never given into those feelings, despite admitting to herself how easy it would be to fall for me. My foolish near-kiss when we'd parted in Forks thankfully hadn't seemed to change that.

Vitalia: Ooh, thank you! :) I can't wait to try them. See all of you later!

She sighed and snapped her phone shut before looking up at me.

I gave her a barely-there-smile, a hint of curiosity entering my eyes. "Who is he?"

Her brow rose before she realized what I meant as her eyes fell to her phone. She smirked before shaking her head. Guess I had to tell him about Mat sooner or later. "Oh, he's someone I've started talking to lately. Works here on the ranch. Stable manager's kid. Still not sure about dating just yet, but…I don't know. I guess I'm trying to see if it could turn into something."

She pictured him then. He had a kind smile and dark, daring eyes. He seemed to have an easygoing confidence. I remembered wondering what sort of person might suit her and this boy seemed to measure up. Vitalia seemed hesitant though.

I just don't know… She thought, tapping her boot. She looked up at me again and stared into my eyes, watching the way the honey gold gleamed in the warm light from the desk lamp. Eddy being here changes a few things and-"

"Don't let it." I told her evenly. "Don't let my being here keep you from doing any of the things that would've happened if I hadn't shown up."

I couldn't repeat the same mistakes here with her as I'd made with Bella. My being involved in my beloved's life had irreversibly doomed it.

Vitalia sighed again and nodded. "Yeah, you're right. Your being here shouldn't change that. I've got to make this decision about him for me."

And there was the key difference between the situation with her and the one with Bella. I didn't have as much to fear when it came to damaging Vitalia because she didn't allow me to influence her in the same way. She was going to do what she was going to do, no matter what anyone said. She also wasn't as self-sacrificing as Bella, so she actually weighed herself and what would make her happy into her decisions. I wasn't put into a position where I had to do that for her.

Our almost kiss briefly passed through Vitalia's mind as she continued to stare at me, but she pushed it away. No…I've got to let that go. That was never going to happen, especially now. I know better than to get caught up in something like this. Nothing but heartbreak down that road.

So she had been thinking of that nonexistent kiss. But, again, she was wise enough not to entangle herself in any feelings beyond friendship for me.

"Please…forget I ever did that." I told her.

Vitalia nodded. "Yeah, I know you didn't mean it. You weren't in a great place."

I tried to smile at her, but I couldn't manage it, so I just softened my gaze before looking up at the window.

"I can get you a black out curtain, if you want." Vitalia lifted a leg and played with the laces on her boot. "Would help with the sunlight."

"I'd appreciate that."

We sat together in silence for a little while. Her mind was darting between many different things and, from outside, the afternoon sun lengthened, casting long shadows on everything. The ranch hands started to head back to their homes and Diego moved toward the house, sending a glance at the bunkhouse as he did.

I'll bet Eden and Vi have been checking on him. Probably need to to talk to him myself, but I'll give the kid some time.

He walked inside and his wife filled him in.

"Vi's been with him for awhile now," she said. "They both missed lunch. I think I should head out and bring them something."

"Not a bad idea."

"Your mom's heading over with something to eat." I told Vi.

"Makes sense," she answered. "Wasn't really thinking about food, but I'm starving now that I think about it."

"Guess there wasn't much point in pretending with the tea," I admitted. "I'm going to have to pretend to eat quite a few meals."

"Yeah, probably."

Eden came up to the door with two servings of grilled cheese and tomato soup. She had some water bottles for us too.

As soon as she stepped into the room, her warm eyes found mine and filled with sympathy. She didn't say anything about it, but she gave me a sad smile.

I'm so sorry, she thought, eyes on me as she smoothed a hand over Vitalia's shoulder.

"Feel free to let us know if you need anything, Edward. Anything at all." She reached for the empty mug and her smile lightened when she looked at me. It made me faintly glad I'd decided to drink it after all.

Vitalia ate her lunch contentedly, chewing on the grilled cheese and mentally enjoying it as she did. I watched her dip the crust into the soup, watching as the bread soaked in the red liquid.

When she was finished, she wiped the crumbs off her hands, before glancing at my untouched place.

"So crazy you can't eat this. Do you miss, you know, regular food?"

"I barely remember what it tastes like," I shook my head.

"Wow." Her brows rose. So much variety lost. And forgetting something like that…kind of sad to me. But! He probably gets variety with what he eats now. Maybe it's even better!

There was variety. Plenty of it. Of course, my family's lifestyle usually deprived us of the better tasting meals, so to speak, but Bella's blood had been the ultimate flavor. It had far outshone everything else. I still vividly remembered the way it had tasted when I'd sucked the venom from her after James' attack.

I put the thought from my mind, struggling even now with her draw to my darkest nature, before refocusing on Vitalia, who had reached or a slice of my grilled cheese and started to munch on it.

A few more minutes past before she received another text. She wiped her greasy fingers onto her jeans before looking down and reading the screen.

Emma: Be There in ten! I have hot dogs and buns. Anyone else there yet?

Vitalia: Not yet!

She looked up at me before standing with an apologetic smile. "I've gotta go. Everyone will be here soon."

"Mhm," I answered. "I'll see you later."

"We'll be right out here if you need anything," she pointed out the door. Then she lifted her phone and tapped it. "Or you can just text me if you don't want to draw too much attention."

"Alright. Have fun."

She turned and left then, the door closing with a creaky groan as she did. I sighed and leaned back against the wall, gazing down at the sliver of evening sunlight as it slowly disappeared. I reached for the homeopathy book again but didn't open it.

Several moments later, I watched Vitalia as she stepped out of her room, clothes changed into something edgier and less casual. She'd put some waves in her hair too.

She hugged her cousin, Emma — who did look a lot like her, but who had lighter hair like Eden's and rounder, softer features. More like Bella's had been.

I settled in to observe the evening, to observe Vitalia in her natural surroundings.

[Vitalia]

I wondered if this was how actors felt. I was so aware that I was being watched — that Eddy would be watching just about everything I was doing and listening to everything I was thinking.

Was I crazy not to feel bothered? I just really didn't care. It actually made things easier. I didn't have to explain everything. I didn't spend too much time wrapped up inside my head anyway, so it didn't feel like it made much of a difference.

"So how'd your date with Mat go the other night?" Emma asked, bumping shoulders with me.

"It wasn't a date." I reminded her.

"Argh," Em groaned. "What're you waiting for?"

I sighed and scooped some ice out from the cooler before pouring myself a sprite. "I don't know. I mean, I like him, but I don't know if I want a relationship right now."

"Because of Derek?"

I sipped on my soda, feeling that awesome, fizzy feeling slip down my throat and into my stomach. I loved that feeling!

I shrugged, talking around the straw in my cup. "I don't know, I'm just not feeling that into it."

Every time I felt like going for it, I felt something holding me back. It was subtle, but it was there. A disinterest.

"Is it because of the guy you met in Washington?"

"Eddy?"

"Yeah, him. You seemed pretty excited when you were telling me about him. Said he was the best part of that trip."

"He was," I nodded as I stepped out of the house and onto the wrap around porch. I took a seat on the rocking chair there. "But that wasn't ever going to go anywhere. It wasn't like that between us."

"Maybe you're measuring Mat up to him though."

I pursed my lips in thought. That was possible. Even if nothing could happen with Edward, was he now my ideal? I wanted someone who excited me the way he did. Who felt like an amazing adventure. Who had that edge of danger.

Guess it's more than just an edge with him, I corrected. Being a literal vampire and all.

It still sounded so weird in my head. He was a vampire. A fictional creature that was actually real. I knew my dad had always believed that and part of me had too, but now it was literally here. Staring me in the face. Dark imagination brought to life.

I nodded at Em. "Maybe." I took another sip of my drink.

Maybe that was unfair to Matias. Maybe I needed to consider him on his own.

His dad, Mr. Ramirez, was a really nice guy too, so I was pretty sure he raised his son right. They both seemed to take the cliché, Southern manners to heart. I wasn't actually worried that he was anything like Derek. I already knew he wasn't.

I blew out a breath and watched my bangs fly up in response. Emma walked away to put some music on and I grinned and started tapping my boot in time to the rhythm as a country favorite came on.

"Enough about boys." My cousin sat in the rocker next to me and tapped her plastic cup against mine. "To being young!"

"To being young!"

As I said it though, I suddenly wondered how old Eddy actually was. He was immortal, wasn't he?

Want to fill me in, stalker? I thought to him directly. You in the triple digits?

A second later, my phone buzzed and I flipped it open, smirking as I saw what he wrote.

Edward: Only barely. Just hit a century a few years ago.

Cool, I silently answered him.

Then I wondered how he had died. He was dead, right? That was usually the way it went.

Edward: We can talk about that some other time.

I nodded. I understand.

Dang. I could get used to how effortless this was, communicating with the mind-reader.

"Hey, you okay?" Emma asked. "You seem kinda distracted."

"Huh? Oh, sorry. Yeah, just thinking about some stuff." I waved it off and smiled at her, forcing myself into the moment. "How's school going? I gotta say, I don't miss having to get up at five in the morning everyday to catch the bus."

"You're lucky," Emma rolled her eyes. "It's going pretty okay though. Got a cool group of aggie friends now."

She went on to talk about it all in more detail and, breaking her earlier resolve to not talk about boys, she started telling me all about the cowboy she was into. He was part of a junior rodeo and she said watching him perform was just about the most exciting thing there was. I could definitely see the appeal. Those guys were pretty gutsy.

I settled back against the rocker, legs curling up under me as I listened to the crickets start to chirp as the sun sank low. The air was so nice this time of year. It had just the right amount of chill in it. There'd be only another few weeks of it before summer hit. Texas summers always hit hard. and they started early.

A few minutes later, a pair of headlights moved down the long driveway and the small pickup pulled up in front of the barn before Matias hopped out, sending me a wave and a huge grin.

I returned his smile. He did have a nice smile. It crinkled his eyes, lighting up his whole face.

His caramel skin glowed in the evening light and his short, dark hair danced around in the spring breeze.

He stepped onto the porch and reached down to give me a friendly hug before holding out the pack of root beer hard candies. "There you go! Enjoy."

"Yum, thanks!" My grin widened as I glanced up at him before I set my drink down and opened the package. The sweet, unique scent of my favorite soda met my nose before I lifted one of the barrel-shaped candies out and popped it into my mouth.

I exchanged a glance with him and his cheeks flushed a little before he rubbed a hand against his neck and looked away.

Emma gave me a pointed look and I gave her a playful smack on the arm while Mat wasn't looking.

When more of our friends arrived, the hang out really started to liven up. We threw some charcoal onto the fire pit and lit it, watching the flames spring to life. A few people backed their trucks around it, leaving the tailgates open, so we could sit there.

I lied down on the back of one and stared up at the twinkling night sky stars. I used to imagine drifting around in space, discovering new galaxies and planets. Discovering new life. It was all so vast.

I'd always known there was more to the world and Eddy kind of proved that. This planet, right here, was filled with its very own mysteries.

"Hey, there you are." I glanced over as Matias hopped up beside me, swinging his legs as he sat.

I pulled myself up and wrapped my arms around my knees. "You having a good time?"

"Oh yeah. I always enjoy stuff like this."

"Me too. Chill hangouts are the best."

Mat picked at his frayed jeans a second, then he looked up at me. "…is there any way you'd go out with me again? Guess it'd technically be a date this time."

I stared at him a second, trying to do what I told myself I'd do: not hold him up to any ideal.

He looked at me hopefully, but patiently. In a lot of ways, he seemed to have my mom's temperament. I was more like my dad, so I figured we'd be a good fit. Eddy had said I needed someone responsible and I knew Mat was a hard worker.

My mouth twisted as I thought about it. Was I really ready to jump back into dating though?

Probably only one way to find out, right? Just dive into the deep end and see what happens.

"Sure," I answered, matching his instant grin with a smile of my own. I held up a hand though. "But this doesn't mean I'm committing to anything, okay? I kinda just want to see how it goes."

"I'm good with that," he laughed.

I laughed with him then turned to look back at the party.

I felt good with this decision, but still…I felt a deflated sensation — like a helium balloon drifting back down to earth. I shook it off and decided to strike up a conversation with Mat about his horse, Zorro.

"He's been doing much better," Matias told me. "He was just so wild."

I laughed. "Sounds kind of like how Dorian Gray used to be. He's gotten a lot calmer as he's gotten older."

Mat chuckled before he caught my eye and gave me a curious look. "You know, we should go riding together sometime."

I thought it over a sec before shrugging. "Why not? That'd be fun."

He grinned and stared at me another long moment before I saw him start to lean toward me, the charge in the air shifting as he did.

My heart suddenly thudded and my stomach twisted. I felt I might panic. Oh crap, no. Not this. Not yet.

"How's everything going out here, kids?"

I sighed in immediate relief and quickly turned my head to look at my dad as he stepped towards the fire pit. He hadn't noticed me yet, but I waved to get his attention.

"Hey, honey. Having fun?" He approached before looking between me and Mat. "Hi there, Ramirez."

"Hey, Mr. Santi."

Dad immediately started talking to Matias about going on another coyote hunt in a few nights. It was kind of his default lately. It had become an issue, but the man was seriously obsessing.

I looked around the party and breathed in that charcoal, firelight scent. I watched my friends laugh together as they got caught up in different conversations.

I loved being here with them, but my mind kept drifting back to Eddy.

I glanced to the bunk house, sitting so innocently there in the shadows. I kept feeling like that was where I wanted to be the most.

My dad's arm found its way around my shoulders and he glanced to the bunk house too. He smiled down at me then kissed the top of my head.

He seemed to know where my thoughts were. It was always so easy for him to read me. We were so much the same.

He held me a few minutes longer before stepping away with a grin as he gazed around at the group of teens.

"Well, I'll get out of your hair. Let me know if there's anything I can get you. And don't go too crazy, okay?"

He received some mumbled, non-committal answers as he moved toward the house.

"You dad's so cool," Matias stated.

"Yeah, he's the best." I agreed but didn't look over at him, not wanting a repeat just yet of that kissing vibe.

I realized then that, when Eddy had almost kissed me, I hadn't felt the same panic sensation. I remembered wanting him to do it. But it hadn't been right and I'd stopped him because I didn't want him to have to feel guilty about it. My stopping him had a lot more to do with him and less to do with what I'd felt.

But you want me to forget it, I told him, because I knew he was hearing all of this too. So I'll definitely give it a try.

Maybe I should've let Matias kiss me, because maybe it would help. I glanced at him, but that panicky feeling of dread was still there, so I looked away again.

Nope. Not right now.

I hopped down from the truck and told Mat that I wanted to see where Emma had gone.

"Sure. Just let me know when you want to go out, okay?"

"Sure thing! We'll be in touch." I tapped my phone.

I walked around the fire pit and looked around for my cousin. I didn't see her here, so I lifted my phone and texted her.

Vitalia: Hey, Where'd you go?

I waited a good five minutes, but there wasn't a response. I frowned.

A second later though, my phone buzzed.

Edward: Over by the barn. She's talking with that guy she said she fancied.

Fancied? His word choice made me want to chuckle, but I held it back.

Thanks, Eddy!

Emma was such a punk though. Arranging this whole thing and even bringing up the guy without telling me he was coming.

But then, I was hiding something too, wasn't I? A pretty crazy something. The guy I'd told her about was in the bunk house not ten feet away.

I walked over to the barn and found her sitting crossed-legged on the grass, attention completely on the guy sitting next to her. It took her a good minute to notice me.

"Oh, hey, Vi!"

"Hey, Em." I smirked then looked pointedly at the guy wearing a black stetson.

"Ah, right. This is Chad. Chad, this is my cousin, Vitalia."

"Hey there," he said to me with a very thick, Southern accent.

"Hey! Emma was just telling me about you before the party started. I didn't know you'd be here."

"Neither did I," Emma stood and wiped the grass off her jeans. "He surprised me."

"Change of plans," Chad stood up next to her and gave her a big smile. He was completely infatuated already it looked like.

"Well, I'm sorry for interrupting." I smirked at Emma. "I just didn't know where you were."

"Oh yeah, no problem. We were about to head back anyway."

We walked back to the fire pit together and Matias smiled when he saw me. I stood next to him and we listened together as my uncle Ricky, Emma's dad, stepped onto the porch with his guitar and started strumming.

Mat reached down and grasped my hand lightly. He seemed to be waiting for my go-ahead. I sucked in a breath and tightened my hold in response. His face beamed.

I felt like I was wading out into the ocean, testing every step, experimenting with every moment to see how it felt.

And it did feel nice. His hand was comforting and snug. But I didn't feel anything more than that. Nothing electric. Nothing exciting.

I pursed my lips and tapped my free hand against my phone. Was I just being stupid about it? Was this how it was supposed to be? Maybe good relationships weren't supposed to feel like that. Like how Derek had made me feel.

The party started to wind down and I gave Matias a hug goodbye before watching as Emma accepted a lift home from Chad. Uncle Ricky approved it, but added that he'd be right behind them, so she'd better head straight home.

The horrified look on her face made me laugh.

Once everyone left, I nearly runned across the yard as I eagerly made my way to the bunk house and opened the door. I'd totally forgotten to knock too!

Eddy looked like he'd been expecting me though. He gave me a ghost of a smile. I returned it full force then plopped down on the mattress beside him, back resting against the wall.

"So…you sort of got to meet everyone. My whole crew."

"So I did."

I tilted my head, hearing something disappointed in his voice. " But…?"

He sighed and stared at the door a long time before finally looking at me, gold eyes burning with something.

"But my being here is definitely interfering with your life. The whole time, you kept thinking about wanting to be here, when you should have been enjoying your friends. And that boy…what I almost did back in Forks, it's ruining things for you there too."

"Not really. I'm still going on that date with him, aren't I? I see my other friends all the time, but you just got here. I promise it's not always going to be like this. I love hanging with them and I had a really good time, but I've missed you, Eddy. I just want to spend some time with you now that I can again."

He stared me down, eyes conflicted, before I watched his stiff posture relax a little bit. "…we'll see." His expression shifted suddenly, hardened, grew more pained. "But I thoroughly ruined Bella's life, I don't want to do the same to yours."

"It's different," I said. " I'm different."

"I'm not. I'm a monster. All I do is destroy what I touch."

"Why do you keep saying that?" I looked at him in frustration. "Do I have to remind you again of what you did for my dad? I'm never going to not feel grateful to you for that. If he'd died…my life probably would've been ruined. But it wasn't. Because of you."

He opened his mouth to respond, but I watched it close a moment later. He never seemed to have an argument against that. How could he? It totally proved him wrong about himself.

He swallowed and looked away, brows creasing. I reached out and put my hand on his arm, his cold skin spreading a chill all the way up my arm. It was electrifying too. I realized that I always felt excited when I touched him, but I figured that had more to do with who he was than for any romantic reason.

He glanced at my hand but said nothing. He said nothing for awhile, before he looked at me again, face more neutral now.

When he spoke again, there was the slightest bit more life in his voice. "I might have an idea about what to do while I'm here. A way to stay inside during the day."

"Ooh, really? What is it?"

"I want to ask for a job."

I raised a brow at him. "A job?" I was pretty curious where he was going with this.

He nodded. "As a night hunter. I want to offer to take night shifts safeguarding your livestock. I've been following your dad's thoughts tonight and he seems stressed about it. Your uncle Rick too."

"Wow," I answered, nodding as the idea started to make more sense. "Yeah, that might work. You stay up all night working and sleep during the day…that'd definitely keep them from being suspicious, I think."

"Well, only if they don't find the request itself strange."

"True." I twirled a piece of hair around my finger. "When were you thinking of talking to them?"

He sighed, a look of dread passing over his face. The thought of having to interact with people was probably a lot for him right now. But he looked my way, forcing his numb look in place again.

"Tomorrow night, I think."

I gave him an encouraging smile. "It'll be fine, you'll see. We're going to figure this out."

He looked doubtful, but I didn't let that rain on my parade. I stubbornly refused to believe he wasn't stuck like this forever. I was determined to help him.

He nearly smiled in response to my thoughts and I felt my heart lift. It was going to happen. I was going to get a full smile from him someday soon. And it would be just as blindingly luminous as I remembered.