KYUU
The warmth that resonated against his body allowed Itachi to awaken in a good mood. His Otouto was plastered against his body, snuggling up to Itachi's chest like he knew he belonged there, and that made Itachi feel fluffy.
The man's lips twitched and his arms drew tighter around the boy, cradling Sasuke's face to his neck with one hand as another stroked down the boy's back.
"This is where you belong, Otouto," Itachi murmured, gently rocking his much smaller body. "Aniki will be with you forever so don't go anywhere. Stay with Aniki, okay?"
Sasuke muttered something in his sleep, and a flourish of hot air brushed Itachi's neck.
"What was that, Otouto?" Itachi responded, looking down at the boy.
That's when he noted Sasuke's rosy cheeks and furrowed brows. Itachi frowned, brushing his fingertips along his Otouto's forehead.
"Why are you so warm, Otouto?" Itachi mumbled, combing Sasuke's hair back. His hand was met with clammy skin, and droplets of sweat smeared into his fingers. "Is it because you're still wearing that turtleneck to bed?"
Sasuke muttered some more, a pained look on his face.
"Even though I hate those marks, you don't have to hide them from me, Otouto. They should almost be gone by now anyway. I want you to dress comfortably, especially when it's in our own home," Itachi stated, pecking his forehead. "I'm going to help you take it off, okay? Your body is overheating, and you're sweating a lot."
The man sat up, leaning the boy's body against his shoulder, and slowly pulled Sasuke's shirt off of his body.
"Nngh, 'niki," Sasuke mumbled in his sleep, hands latching onto Itachi. "Hot… it's too hot."
Itachi's eyes softened. "Hai, hai," he said, brushing the boy's hair away from his face. "You went to bed looking like you were ready to go skiing. No wonder you're so warm. Shall we remove your sweats, too, then?"
"Mm…." Sasuke was too busy rubbing his face against Itachi's bare chest in his sleep to hear him.
Itachi sighed. "My adorable Otouto, what am I going to do with you?"
He dipped his hands underneath the waistband of Sasuke's pants, ready to slide them off, and that was when he noticed the boy wasn't wearing any underwear. Itachi paused, but pulled the pants off anyway when Sasuke started to pry them off on his own in his sleep.
"Such a troublemaker," Itachi said fondly, swatting the boy's pale rump gently. "All done, Otouto."
The boy stuck to him like glue, more so than usual, and now his teeth were chattering. "… C-cold… 'niki… cold…."
Itachi's frown deepened and he immediately leaned down to wrap his arms around Sasuke's quivering body, an internal panic beginning. Why was his Otouto hot one second and cold another? Was he getting sick?
He gently laid the boy down flat and covered his naked body with a pile of blankets, watching with a pained expression as Sasuke's features contorted in discomfort. "I'll run you a warm bath, Otouto," he said, words coming out quicker than usual. "Wait for Aniki."
Itachi made a beeline for the adjoined bathroom and filled the tub with water that was a few degrees above lukewarm. He turned on the heater and grabbed a couple of towels from the drawer before he rushed back into the room.
Sasuke was reduced to a small shivering puddle underneath the covers, his body curled up in a fetal position. Itachi stretched a hand between his shoulder blades and tugged off his t-shirt and removed his briefs. Then, he scooped the boy into his arms immediately, pressing the boy close to his own as he took large strides toward the bathroom. All the while, he chanted, "It's okay. Aniki is here. We're going to warm you up."
He was so careful about not jolting the treasure in his arms as he lowered the both of them into the steamy bath that it wasn't until they were settled in that he discovered something very, very wrong.
Marks. Again.
And handprints.
Fucking handprints. They were pressed into the skin as if permanently molded there in shades of blue and purple.
Itachi didn't realize how tight he'd been gripping around Sasuke's waist until the boy shifted uncomfortably and pressed himself further against his torso.
"… Aniki?" Sasuke's drowsy voice called as his eyes slowly blinked open.
He felt it. Felt himself losing an internal battle he didn't realize he was fighting. Felt himself losing his shit.
"Nngh, too tight. Let go."
The words were mere noise in the background to a deaf person.
Itachi tortured himself every second his eyes roamed free. His shaky fingers brushed against the boy's hips, barely grazing the dark handprints that sat on them as if molded to his hips. Then, his hands began to move down, following the trail of blotchy blue, green and yellow.
His mind turned alike his gut, nausea setting in tidal wave after wave, slamming into him mercilessly. Why were they still there? Shouldn't they have faded and disappeared by now?
This wasn't what his Otouto's pale skin should have looked like. This wasn't the sight of a boy who was left untouched. This was madness.
Itachi's knees pressed against the sides of the tub to make more room as he slipped an entire palm between Sasuke's thighs and pressed them open with enough force to cause the water to slosh angrily and spill over the tub.
Itachi froze. The state of his beloved Otouto's inner thighs were worse than what he'd already seen. Bite marks littered the inner parts of Sasuke's thighs, seemingly increasing in quantity as Itachi's gaze trailed closer to his groin. He looked like he'd been mauled by a lion during mating season.
But the thing that caused his body to radiate with anger wasn't how many marks there were, but the quality of marks.
They looked fresh. New. Recent.
Unbeknownst to him, his palms had squeezed a handful each of Sasuke's inner thighs, caging his body firmly against his chest.
That's when he heard it.
"… A-Aniki…."
The whisper of his Otouto's shaky voice penetrated the quiet bathroom, and that's how Itachi knew Sasuke realized he'd seen them. Found out what he was hiding. Again.
"T-that hurts, Aniki," the boy whimpered, legs curling toward his body so he could thwart Itachi's touch.
Itachi glanced at Sasuke's quivering thighs, which were swallowed by his large palms, noting how the boy was attempting to push away from him. Perhaps, he wanted to dislodge his grip or run away from another confrontation, but Itachi refused to let him do so.
"Stay still, Sasuke," he grounded out, hearing the boy's hitched breath at the unfamiliar tone he was using.
Despite the slipperiness of the water, Itachi's hold on Sasuke's thighs was absolute. His fingers had initially slipped briefly and grazed the wrinkle of flesh, but he didn't even flinch at that. In fact, his index and middle finger delved between his Otouto's globes.
Itachi growled when his fingers pressed firmly against the hole, and the outer ring of muscle gave way and kissed his fingertips with ease.
Sasuke jolted in his hold with a whimper and panic in his voice. "N-no! No, A-Aniki! Please!" His Otouto's sobs echoed into the bathroom.
"I said stay still!" Itachi roared, the rumble in his voice bouncing off the walls and hammering into Sasuke's wildly beating heart. His large body pressed forward, hovering over the boy's curled up one.
Sasuke's breath hitched and whimpers escaped him through the sobs he tried to force back. "A-Aniki, please…. P-please don't t-touch there. I-I'm s-sorry. I'm r-really s-sorry…. I–AGHH!"
Sasuke's body shrieked and arched away from the fingers pressing against his ring of muscles. His hands had reached down between his legs and held onto Itachi's wrist in a deathly tight hold, ceasing it from moving any further.
"A-Aniki," he begged. "A-annikiii… A-Ani… ki… Aniki… A-Aniki!"
Itachi glared at the water in the tub, fury swirling in his gaze like a tornado. "You're going to let go of my hand, Sasuke," he commanded, anger bleeding into his voice. "I'm going to release you right now. Then, you're going to stand up, bend over and hold onto the edge of the tub. You're not going to run away from me. If I so much as see a flicker of that thought in your eyes, I swear to god, Sasuke, I will tie you to your bed until you learn how much I hate it when you run from me. Do you understand?"
Sasuke sniffled. "… A-Aniki…," he began.
Itachi bristled. "Do you fucking understand me, Sasuke?" he hissed.
The boy nodded vehemently, and slowly, Itachi released his grip. Sasuke rose from the water, droplets cascading down the backs of his thighs, and bent his upper half, fingers reaching out to grip onto the edge of the tub.
His entire body shook before Itachi's vision, body jolting as if thunder had struck him when Itachi grasped onto both of his cheeks and pulled them apart.
Itachi's gaze zeroed in on his Otouto's hole and his eyes narrowed, viciousness taking over. "If I press my fingers into your hole, will it be swollen inside, Sasuke?" he asked sharply. When Sasuke did not answer, Itachi's grip grew tighter, sinking into the boy's skin. "Answer me, Sasuke. When I pry you open with my fingers and look inside your hole, will it still be red and swollen inside?"
"'T-Tachi, I–"
Itachi lost his shit, unable to hold his sanity for another second. "Answer my fucking question!" he bellowed, standing abruptly in the tub and pressing the boy back first into the tiled wall. "Who did you let fuck you again?! Who did you spread your sweet little boy pussy for? Who did you allow to fuck you until your hole is so fucking soft I can sink my fingers into it just from pressing against it, huh? Who was it? WHO WAS IT?!"
His screaming fest ended with his chest heaving and face so close to Sasuke's that he nearly missed the tears and snot raining down his face like a small waterfall.
"… S-stop…. You're b-being… s-scary-y… A-Aniki… A-Aniki, I-I'm scared…" he said hushedly, tears gathering at the bottom of his chin. His lower lip quivered nonstop and his body shook so badly, it looked like he was suffering from hypothermia. "P-please s-stop y-yelling… p-please…."
"Fuck."
Itachi took a step back and stumbled out of the tub, seeking to create distance between them. "I– Shit," he hissed, digging a hand into his wet hair as he glared at the floor. "I need a minute," he said quickly before he slammed the bathroom door, surrounding himself in the darkness of his room.
"Fuck," he muttered, pacing. Droplets of water slid down his body and stained the plush carpet, but he didn't even notice the breeze.
Itachi dug both hands into his hair, tangling it into a mess, as anger pulsed through his veins like a madman on a murder spree. And then, the nightstand lamp came crashing down, shattering at his feet. The contents on his desk came next, followed by the glass of water on the nightstand and his cellphone, which the man ripped from its charging socket and hurled against the wall.
Before he knew it, he had thrashed his entire room. Itachi's chest heaved nonstop as white knuckles protruded from his balled-up fists. He'd never been so livid before. Never. Especially not at his sweet Otouto.
But then he saw the marks again, ones that should have disappeared by now, ones that were so deeply ingrained in his flesh recently as if someone was staking their claim, as if announcing to the world that Sasuke was taken.
And that opened a can of worms that he tried so hard to seal.
Itachi's panting breaths echoed in the room as he slid against the opposite wall with a cry so unlike himself. His bottom hit the carpet and he stared at the eerily quiet bathroom door with an orange-like glow peeking out from underneath through blurry eyes.
"Otouto," he called out weakly, although not very audibly, and he wondered whether Sasuke could hear him or not. "S-sorry. Aniki is sorry. I didn't mean to…. I didn't mean to scare you. Aniki is sorry for yelling, for scaring you. I'm an asshole. I'm sorry."
Silence.
A wretched cry tore free from Itachi's lips.
"I shouldn't have yelled. It's not your fault. It's my fault. I said I'd keep you safe. I said I'd be here for you, but I wasn't. You're mine. My Otouto. My beloved treasure. You're my most precious person, and I– HA, I attacked you like that and scared you. I'm so sorry. I hate myself. I'm supposed to protect you, but I failed at that."
The silence was deafening.
"In reality, I love you more than I love life. You're Aniki's everything, and seeing you so– so… it makes me so fucking angry. I want to saw off his hands so he'd never touch you again. I-I'm sorry, Sasuke. Aniki loves you. I l-love you so goddamn much. You're my fucking everything, Otouto."
A hiccup reached his ears, prompting him to look up and push himself onto his feet. The door was still shut tightly.
"Otouto?" Itachi called.
The sniffle that reached his ears made his heart ache. Itachi wanted to tear the door down and engulf the boy in his arms… but he had no right to do so. He was the reason the boy was crying. He did that.
"Watashi no kokoro," Itachi called, inching toward the door. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I'm sorry I was so angry. I would never do anything to hurt you. You know that."
"…You're an asshole," came the boy's mumble from the other side of the door.
"I know. And I'm sorry. I never wanted you to see that side of me."
"You're a big meanie," Sasuke said quietly without any heat.
"The biggest."
"I begged you… and you didn't listen. "
Itachi glared at his feet, the suffocating feeling in his chest eating away at his soul. He had nothing to say to that.
"… Why did you do that?" Sasuke whispered. His voice was loud enough to hear on the other side of the door so Itachi surmised he was pressed close to the door.
Itachi's fingers grazed against the door longingly. "Do what?" he replied, matching the boy's soft, quiet voice.
"You… your f-fingers…. Why?"
Itachi's eyes closed firmly and he pressed his forehead to the cool, wooden surface. "I…." His jaw snapped shut. "I lost control of my emotions."
"That's not a reason."
Itachi exhaled harshly. "Because I wanted to erase his touch," he finally admitted, hating that he could hear Sasuke's hitched breath from his confirmation. "…Was that what scared you, Otouto?"
"… N-no."
" Was it because I yelled at you?"
"Not really."
Before Itachi could question Sasuke's response, the boy answered.
"… It was the look on your face."
A string of profanity reared its head underneath Itachi's breath. He couldn't fathom what look he wore when he yelled at the boy, but he knew that it was the furthest thing from appropriate.
"How…." Itachi gritted his teeth, fingers flexing against the door. Open and shut, his palms splayed before his fingers were drawn tight into fists and white knuckles protruded. "How… did I look?" he asked in the gentlest voice he could muster in that given moment.
"Terrifying. You've never gotten mad at me like that before."
The words were uttered so quietly that he almost didn't hear it. A sob broke through the tension in the air, causing Itachi to jerk his head up to stare at the door.
"Y-you… didn't look like yourself…. You were glaring and making me d-do things I didn't want to do. W-Why? What did I do wrong? Did you… look at me like that because you hate me now?"
Sasuke's mumbles turned into whimpers, and by the time he'd finished, his words were barely a croak, unintelligible.
Itachi's heart squeezed inside his ribcage, emitting a painful sensation throughout his entire body. He thought he was having a heart attack at first, but identified the feeling as agony.
"Sasuke, Otouto," Itachi began, his words firm, "Hear me when I say this: I will never hate you. No matter what you do, I will always love you. You have done nothing wrong. It just makes me feel upset when I find out that other people have touched you so intimately…. Whoever did that to you did not take care of you. They were so rough. They hurt you. That's not okay."
".…"
"Sasuke." Itachi pleaded with that one word, begging for a response.
"… They didn't hurt me."
"Then why is your whole lower body bruised?" Itachi snapped.
"Because he's showing me his love in his own way," Sasuke stated quietly, but stubbornly.
Itachi glared. "That's not love," he spitted out. "If he loved you, he wouldn't have hurt you."
"He didn't hurt me!"
The man was taken aback by the fists pounding against the door in backlash. For once, Itachi took a step back, speechless, as his mind overturned.
Did he not show his Otouto what love was growing up? The right kind of love? Not this abusive, insane idea of madness.
Did he not love and dote on his precious Otouto the moment of his conception? Did he not read him bedtime stories and sing him lullabies growing up so that he'd fall asleep with a smile on his face? Did he not cradle him close when he had nightmares and whisper words of comfort when he was sad? Did he not protect him with every fiber of his being and sweep him into his arms with words of adoration and kindness?
Itachi treated his Otouto with all the love he had, so much that there was none to give anyone else. None that he wanted to give to anyone else because his attention was solely focused on Sasuke's well-being.
So how did his Otouto develop this warped definition of love?
Itachi removed himself fully from the door, arms dangling at his side and head hung low. Truly, he was rifling through his mind for what to say, coming up more empty each time until he finally gave up.
H.J.
"… Sasuke."
The boy heard his Aniki call him again through the door, but this time, his voice was hushed, similar to a sigh, as if he was defeated. Sasuke's lower lip quivered as he made a sound, acknowledging he had heard.
"Will you come out of the bathroom and let Aniki hug you for a little while?"
Sasuke's palms flattened against the door, confusion setting in. Why was Itachi suddenly asking something like that?
"I promise I won't do anything else. Just hugging," Itachi murmured. "I want to reassure myself that you're still here with me, and show you that I love you no matter what."
The boy bit his lower lip, unsure of what to say.
Yes, he had been terrified, but the root of his fear was derived from his belief that his Aniki realized he had lied and came to hate him.
Sasuke squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn't bear the thought of his Aniki hating him. If he was this terrifying having found out the boy had lied, then what would become of them if Itachi ever found out he was being taken advantage of by Sasuke?
This wouldn't do. He knew it had been wrong when Itachi crawled to him like a lost puppy during their second encounter, but he was drowning in his feelings, attraction, lust, and desire for the man that he was physically and mentally incapable of rejecting his Aniki. Given the circumstances now, however, if he continued down the same path, any shred of faith and trust between them would be severed, and Sasuke would rather tear out his own beating heart than forsake Itachi anymore.
Deep down, he knew his beloved Aniki was fighting to protect him. Itachi believed Sasuke was being wronged. He believed some crazy, barbaric man was out there hurting him repeatedly in the most intimate of ways, but he was mistaken.
Sasuke knew, with every fiber of his being, that the sleepwalking version of Itachi, although relentless and needy, had zero intentions to hurt him. All the man did was drown Sasuke in pleasure and delusions of a love that was equal to his own.
The one thing his Aniki stated that was irrefutable was that Sasuke knew he would never hurt him. That's why he couldn't allow Itachi to speak ill of his sleepwalking self.
The boy needed to believe that his sleepwalking Aniki was desperate to love him and show him love, that his Aniki chose him even though he wasn't conscious to make decisions for himself because it was Sasuke that meant something to him. Sasuke needed to believe that his Aniki wanted him and loved him even though Sasuke harbored awful desires for his love and appalling desires to monopolize any affection he tossed his way.
When he originally came up with the lie about seeing someone, Sasuke never expected his Aniki to be this apoplectic. He thought it was a standard, calculated risk to state a white lie, not knowing that, at every step of the way, it had come back to bite him in the ass.
When he was the recipient of Itachi's open display of rage, his brain shut down and fear pumped throughout his entire body. Scenario after scenario reared its head in his mind, each one ending in his Aniki's hatred directed at him and his abrupt departure from Sasuke's life.
It was miserable. Crippling.
As ridiculous as it sounded, Sasuke loved his Aniki even more from the way Itachi acted toward the situation at every turn, and he hated himself even more for how deeply he felt about it, because even though each anxious, cortisol-inducing moment brought him to his knees in panic, fear, and anxiety, he was reassured that he was important to his Aniki. That he hadn't fucked up their relationship.
God, he was a fucking mess.
Itachi's voice echoed in his ears, jolting him back from his dark thoughts.
"Please. Aniki is begging you."
Why was his Aniki begging him for something like that? What kind of fucked up situation did he put Itachi through just because he was an awful human being? He wanted to bash his own brains out. He was going to cry again.
"Otouto… watashi no kokoro," Itachi's voice was elevated, pleading, "I'm sorry. Please let Aniki hug you. Even if it's just for a minute. Please."
Sasuke's hand fell onto the door knob, the shakiness of it requiring a second attempt at turning the knob before he threw the door open. "A-Aniki, you idiot. You don't have to ask me for something like that," Sasuke said, tears flowing down his cheeks.
Itachi's gaze locked on his, and Sasuke was tugged into Itachi's arms immediately following his words. His Aniki tucked him close and wrapped him in a tight embrace, digging his face in his hair with repeated kisses as he rocked his naked body gently against him.
"Thank you," Itachi said wholeheartedly, nuzzling his damp hair. "I love you, Sasuke. Aniki loves you."
Sasuke's heart warmed at the sincere words, and he hid his face into the man's chest. Still being embraced, Sasuke was picked up and walked over to the man's bed. When he was set down, Itachi was seated at the edge of his bed and Sasuke's knees were propped onto the mattress, where the entirety of his body straddled Itachi's. A slight rustling sound followed and a fluffy throw was covering the boy's body.
"So you don't get cold, Otouto," his Aniki said, stroking his back.
The action caused the boy to tighten his grip around Itachi's torso and dig his face into his neck.
Fuck. This man….
Sasuke needed this man in his life. His Aniki. His sweet, kind, thoughtful, loving, caring, witty, charming, affectionate, fucking gentle Aniki.
Sasuke's shoulders trembled. "Aniki… you're my everything," he cried as the warmth of his Aniki's body and the blanket seeped into his pores. "You're my everything, and I'm so scared you'll hate me forever. I'm so fucking scared."
"Shh, shh, shh," Itachi murmured, gently rocking him. "If only you knew how much Aniki adored you, my sweet Otouto, then you wouldn't say such things. You're my everything, too, Sasuke. Aniki can only exist in a life that has you in it. Everything else is superficial."
Sasuke held on tighter, his tears smearing against the column of Itachi's neck.
"You're so precious to me, Otouto. I've always known that. I've adored you from the moment I knew of your existence in Kaa-san's womb. When you were born, I was right by your bedside waiting for you. Did you know that, when you first opened your eyes and looked at me, you held onto my finger and smiled and refused to let go like you knew Aniki was going to be beside you forever?"
Sasuke felt Itachi's curved lips when the man turned his head and pressed a chaste kiss to his temple. His tears were slowly tamed by his Aniki's deep, comforting voice.
"You used to attack me with kisses, too. It was so adorable. You looked like a reincarnated angel with your large eyes, round cheeks and short stature, and after every kiss you gave me that I returned, your eyes would sparkle and you'd look so happy. I don't know if you remember, but when you were three, you accidentally kissed me on my lips. I had turned toward you the same moment you dove at me on the couch, and your lips knocked against mine." Itachi chuckled as if picturing it inside his head. "You huffed because I picked you up after, set you on the carpet and nudged you along without returning it. You were mad at me for the entire day."
"Stop recalling embarrassing stories, Aniki," Sasuke muttered.
"Hmm, I'm bringing it up to remind you that kisses mean I love you, Otouto. If we're talking about things that scare us, what scared me was when you stopped giving me my daily dose of kisses. I'd thought you were done with me. I thought you didn't need me anymore. But here you are in my arms telling me that I'm your everything. So believe me when I say that I will never hate you."
The boy felt a peck atop his head and hid his furious blush in Itachi's neck.
"Aniki will tell you a secret, Otouto," Itachi whispered, squeezing his body gently. "Aniki's kisses are only for you. They always have been, and they always will be."
Sasuke's breath hitched. "What do you mean?"
"Hm, I mean I've never kissed another soul and never plan to either. If kisses are only reserved for the one you love, then I'll give all of mine to you." Itachi placed a peck along Sasuke's hairline, whispering against it, "It's not possible for me to hate my baby, so it concerns me when something so unequivocally impossible is scaring you. Aniki loves you, Otouto, so believe me when I say I'll be with you forever."
If his Aniki's words were directed at the platonic relationship they used to have, Sasuke wanted to believe them. But as he continued to tuck himself away in Itachi's arms, he knew that he had single-handedly ruined any semblance of platonic love they had left.
Which is why he couldn't afford Itachi finding out. Ever.
So like all things that had a beginning, it was time to put an end to their late night rendezvous. Sasuke felt the hollow abyss in his stomach suck away his hopes and expectations, ridding them like a black hole in space, never to be seen from or heard of again.
He silently mourned the loss of the fleeting romantic love that was granted to him by the sleepwalking version of his Aniki.