Author's Note: Another one. Enjoy!
Jake doesn't spend a lot of time outside on Pandora in the dark, so this was a little weird to him. The forest is loud with bugs and beasts. He could wax poetic and say singing their songs or make some beautiful comparison to movies or pictures from Earth, but all Jake can think of it is just sound. It's a solid din of sound, like a wall.
It's not cold, yet Jake wraps his arms around himself trying to push past this anxious feeling building up in his chest. His eyes scan the darkness around him, still fascinated by how the fauna lights up at night. He faintly remembers that his avatar has glowing freckles, but he doesn't stay in his avatar late into the night usually. But if the avatars can do it, does that mean that the Na'vi can too? How very strange.
Once Jake makes it to the fence, the atokirina dances around joyfully before floating up higher into the sky and then swimming off into the forest. Jake's hands drop limply at his side as he stares after the glowing white orb until it is swallowed up by darkness, hands slapping his thighs. He doesn't feel his hands, or the flashlight clutched in the right one hit him, but he hears the sound and it's harder than he thought. Just another bruise to add to the collection, he supposes. But besides that, what was the point of him following the atokirina all the way out here just for it to leave without something happening?
Jake glances at the fence, craning his neck to look up towards the top. Up close it has to be well over twenty feet up. Had he not known about the Na'vi he would wonder why it had to be so tall. But if Na'vi can stand anywhere between eight and nine feet tall, what about large predators here? He remembers in his lessons in security that there were all sorts of massive beasts in the surrounding forests, but most were afraid of the bright lights at night and the no doubt thousands of joules of electricity flowing through this charged fence is enough to deter anything that isn't afraid.
Jake hadn't personally dealt with anything attacking the fences and hadn't heard of anything since getting here, but apparently it used to be pretty common. The fences too care of most things except for those rhino-like beasts, Jake can't remember their name. Apparently, their fanned horn, which is usually what hits first, is made of a material that doesn't conduct electricity as do its feet. So long as the bowing fence doesn't touch any other part of its skin, it can make it through with little to no problem.
Once more, thankfully, Jake never saw anything, only heard stories, but he can imagine the kind of mess that it is.
But there is nothing jumping out at him as he stares out into the forest beyond the electrified fence. The trees are dark, but the forest is bright, if that makes sense. Jake rarely takes the time to appreciate the beauty of the world around him. But it is beautiful. Breath-taking if he's able to take a moment to actually sit there and really take it all in. He scans the darkness for a long moment before sighing, not sure what he was supposed to do out here. What he was supposed to see.
He turns, about to head back to the facility, feeling stupid for not having any idea what really drove him out here. He thought that he understood, but now he doesn't again.
"Jake...?"
Jake's entire body tenses up. He turns slowly, scanning the darkness for the source of the voice. He hesitates for a second, a thought occurring to him, before his eyes raise up toward the trees, the closest being no more than five feet outside of the section of fence that he's standing in front of him. He doesn't see it at first - he doesn't see anything other than the darkness of the trees, before something shifts, peeling away from the blanket of night and dropping to the ground in a move that feels like it should have shook the earth beneath his feet, yet it was as quiet as a mouse.
Jake's body goes rigid as Tsu'tey bleeds out of the darkness, taking form the closer he gets to the fence. For a split second, Jake's in a limbo. He's stuck in a place between floating and falling. Tsu'tey. Tsu'tey is here. He's staring at Jake, closely, face scrunched up a bit in confusion, trying to pick apart his features in the dark. And Jake is breathless, because it's different as a human. As an avatar, he's about eye level with Tsu'tey's chin, he thinks, if he would raise his face high enough. Here, in his human body, he's just over half Tsu'tey's height. Tsu'tey has got to be over nine feet tall, whereas Jake, as a human, is almost six feet tall. And as an avatar, he's just under nine feet.
Now, staring up at Tsu'tey, Jake feels incredibly small.
Tsu'tey takes another step forward, getting dangerously close to the electrified fence. In reflex, Jake takes a step back, eyes wide. Tsu'tey hesitates, holding his hands up slowly and lowering down onto his hunches, making himself smaller and seemingly less threatening, but Jake has to take a few slow, gasping breaths to try and calm himself down.
Because he's... so happy to see Tsu'tey. He'll never say, and even if this is the last time, he's happy that he gets to see him. That they can have a proper goodbye. Jake made peace with never going back to his avatar, but there was always this gnawing little gremlin voice in the back of his head that just wanted to see him one last time. They were... they were friends - sort of - and it felt weird the way that it was left off. Jake was dazed and confused having woken up in Hometree and was trying to bring the avatar back to the facility, but he was stopped outside. He saw Tsu'tey, but he never got to say anything to him.
Jake was horrible to have as a companion, but he enjoyed having Tsu'tey there. He was always worried about when the other boy would realize that Jake wasn't worth his time, but Jake just liked listening to his fragmented speech. Liked how hard he tried to use all the words in his growing repertoire and there is something just... charming about it.
Admittedly, Jake missed Tsu'tey. Even if it was only a little bit. He enjoyed their time together.
Hesitantly, Jake turns back toward Tsu'tey, looking down at the white knuckled grip on his flashlight. If he could feel it, his hand would probably ache. He forces himself to pass his flashlight over to his other hand and flexes the loose one. He keeps the flashlight pointed toward the grass to keep from blinding Tsu'tey with it.
Tsu'tey... is enchanting. He's ethereal. Everything about him is relaxed beauty. Dressed in just a loincloth, corset thing, shin and forearm pieces, as well as an assortment of accessories that are all different from the last time Jake saw him, and his hair is done up the same as it was every time that he saw him. Shaved on the sides, four braids of varying length on one side of his face, the rest of his long braids pulled to the back of his head and cascading down his back. He's just so... pretty. Long lanky limbs, lethal grace like a prowling cat, eyes sharp and bright.
And those beautiful glowing freckles. They draw out an intricate pattern on his face and spread out like a flower up and down his body. His neck, his shoulders, chest, stomach, arms, legs. A unique pattern that is just... Tsu'tey.
Tsu'tey leans down, pulling Jake from his thoughts, trying to get a look at his face and hesitantly calls out again, "Jake..?"
Jake glances at him, embarrassed about having been staring, "Tsu'tey..."
At the sound of his voice, Tsu'tey's ears twitch, perking up a bit as the slight glow of his golden eyes seeming to brighten as a small smile spreads across his face, growing wider as he leans forward, reaching out for Jake - but first he has to pass through the electric fence.
In a panic, Jake leaps forward, hands outstretched as he gasps out, "No!"
Tsu'tey tenses up, glancing at the fence, then at Jake. He blinks, tilting his head. "Jake?"
"It'll... It'll hurt you," Jake says, gesturing to the fence. He doesn't know how else to say it. How else to let him know that it's dangerous. Tsu'tey twists his head a bit more, turning as if he's listening to something, recoiling slightly with a frown.
"I hear..." Tsu'tey says, waving his hand at the fence. He says something in Na'vi. "Noise, I hear."
Jake nods. He gestures to it again and says, "Dangerous. It'll hurt you."
Tsu'tey looks at it for a moment, considering his words before nodding. He draws his hands back to himself. He takes a moment to just look at Jake, that soft smile returning to him. He shifts slightly closer, but doesn't touch the fence, or attempt to reach through it. Instead, he just stares at Jake, sharp bright white teeth flashing as his lips part. His eyes seem to be just taking in every piece of Jake. All the things about him from his hair to his face - what can be seen both from the lighting and from the distance - to his height and how he's standing.
"I see you," Tsu'tey says softly, waving his hand from his forehead to the human teen before him. "I see you, Jake."
Jake feels a corner of his lip curl up a bit, but he drops his chin towards his chest to hide it. But not fast enough, judging by the sway of Tsu'tey's tail behind him, and his grin spreading a touch more.
Jake clears his throat, schooling his features, before stepping closer to the fence and glancing up at the Na'vi. His gaze meets Tsu'tey's for a split second, before dropping to his collarbone, unable to hold it. "What are you doing here, Tsu'tey?"
"No school," Tsu'tey says, balancing expertly on his hunches. "I see you not to school."
"I don't see you at school," Jake murmurs.
Tsu'tey smiles more. "I don't see you at school, Jake." His lashes flutter a bit in thoughts. "You sleep at Hometree. You stand here." He gestures, and despite how broken and jarring his sentences are, once agian, Jake is impressed with how quickly Tsu'tey is learning English. How he is getting better so much faster than Jake ever could have picked up another language. "Wake there. At Hometree. Be there."
Jake lets out a long sigh, reaching up to rub the back of his neck even though he can't feel it. He looks at Tsu'tey's bright, open expression. Carefully, he shakes his head, feeling bad when Tsu'tey's expression drops a bit. "I'm not going back, Tsu'tey. I'm done with being an avatar driver."
Tsu'tey's ears press back as he studies Jake's face. "Go back?" He asks, hopefully.
Jake's shoulders slump, which makes Tsu'tey frown and Jake feels bad. He didn't hate being an avatar driver anymore - at least, it wasn't as unbearable nearing the end there - but there wasn't really anything that he particularly liked about it. It was... different, and a lot of his discomfort was stuff he could work around, but in the end, it was more hassle than it was worth. Jake enjoyed walking around the forest, and he didn't so much mind the solitude that he was offered - preferred it, even - but that was it. There wasn't really anything else that drew him to his avatar.
Except that there was.
In this time away, Jake thought about Tsu'tey more than once. He wondered about what he was up to and what he would say to the other boy if he was given the chance, but nothing that he thought up ever felt right. It's not like they were best friends, they only knew each other for a few short weeks. And even then, they could barely string together a full conversation between Tsu'tey's broken English, Jake's nonexistent Na'vi, and his tragic inability to hold up his side even when it is in his own mother tongue. Now that's the true tragedy.
And despite it, here Tsu'tey is. For a moment, he looked so happy to see Jake and honestly, Jake can't remember the last time anyone other than Tsu'tey had ever been happy to see him. Any time the other boy hunted him down at the school, his smile always just about split his face in two at the sight of Jake. It was easy to talk himself out of the twisting, squirming warmth in his stomach at the act, writing it off for all of his usual reasons, but at the end of the day, the little, annoying voice in the back of his head would remind him of how nice it was.
That no matter the immediate reasoning for that look, it was nice to still receive it. A small part of Jake wondered if he would ever be worthy enough for it.
Now he'll never know.
"I'm sorry," Jake blurts out, feeling like he has to. He can't bear to stare at that sad look on Tsu'tey's face.
"Why this?" Tsu'tey asks, his voice soft. The optimism and joy from before are gone and Jake feels like garbage. He never should have come out here.
Jake sighs, dropping his chin towards his chest. "I can't go. I won't go to Hometree, Tsu'tey, I'm sorry."
Tsu'tey shifts slightly closer, making Jake anxious about the electrified fence. He's not sure Tsu'tey fully understands how dangerous it is. The last thing Jake would ever want is for Tsu'tey to get hurt - especially when it has anything to do with him. And Jake understands that this is Tsu'tey's home and he knows perfectly how dangerous Pandora can be - be it day or night - but he shouldn't be out here, so far away from Hometree.
"Come," Tsu'tey says softly, eyes pleading. He studies Jake's face as best he can in the darkness. Then again, he probably sees a lot better than Jake does, so maybe he's got a good view of Jake's face - better than he thinks. "Come," Tsu'tey says again, eyes widening slightly. "Come with me, Jake. To Hometree. We go."
Jake looks away, unable to take the hope in his eyes. "No, Tsu'tey. Go..." he heaves a sigh. "Go home. To Hometree."
Tsu'tey shifts his weight on his hips, ears pressed firmly back. His tail twirls slightly, drooping lower and lower as this conversation goes on. Jake squeezes his eyes tight, trying to ignore the sharp stab in his chest.
"Hurt?"
Jake blinks, looking up at Tsu'tey, who is still studying his face, worry tightening his face. "Jake, hurt?"
Jake shakes his head, feeling his shoulder droop. "No, Tsu'tey. I don't feel anything anymore." Tsu'tey tilts his head, not understanding, and Jake doesn't elaborate. It doesn't really matter. He's not going to drag Tsu'tey down with his problems. It was bad enough that he wanted something that he shouldn't have. He should just take this chance to make sure that he has a clean break from Tsu'tey, cherishes the sweet, if not simply basic moments, that they shared. It was nothing, just an hour most days for a few weeks, and now it's done.
Tsu'tey will no doubt easily forget it, but Jake... well, he'll keep them safe with him. His moments where he wasn't afraid. Where he didn't have to pretend with anything - not really. Innocent, peaceful, basic moments. Easy for anyone to forget, but Jake will remember them - maybe forever. Who knows?
"My avatar," Jake says slowly.
Tsu'tey perks up at that. "Jake's body?" He asks, ears unfolding a bit.
Jake flinches. That's not what he would call it. Tsu'tey frowns at the motion, but Jake hurries on before the other boy's opening mouth can ask him something he's not sure he'll know how to answer. So, he quickly says, "You need to tell the Tsahik to give the avatar back to Doctor Augustine. It's going to die if you don't." He doesn't actually know if that's true, but with no one to jump into it, it's just going to be a burden on the Omatikaya for as long as it is in their possession. It's best to just give it back to the RDA. Maybe they can use it for spare parts or something. Maybe if something happens to Tommy's avatar, it can be used in one sense or another. Jake's not sure how he feels about using the avatar body like that, but it's not his property, so he doesn't really have any say.
And it just seems kind of sad for Jake to think about. The avatar body just steadily withering away, waiting for him to jump into it when that's not going to happen. It's a waste either way, but people have to care for it twenty-four-seven. At least here, machines can do that for them.
"Die?" Tsu'tey echoes, eyes wide. He shakes his head, leaning closer again, making Jake scared he'll reach out and touch the fence, but thankfully his hands remain balled up on his thighs. "No, Jake. You live to not die. Won't not live. Be at Hometree and be not dead."
Jake squints at him, trying to make sense of his words. "I... know that the avatar body is alive, Tsu'tey. I know that it's still at Hometree. You should give it back to Doctor Augustine and the RDA."
A scowl crosses Tsu'tey face as he looks away and, in that moment, Jake can see what Tommy meant when he said Tsu'tey was intimidating. Jake certainly wouldn't want to have him glaring at him with that look. But thankfully, despite the strike of worry coiling in his gut, Jake's not really scared. Not of Tsu'tey, at least. It's... probably the electric fence between them. Yeah, it's, uh, got to be that.
"No," Tsu'tey says, turning breath-takingly beautiful molten gold eyes to Jake. "You to Hometree. Come. We be there. Jake and Tsu'tey."
Avatars will never be able to match a true Na'vi in their beauty, Jake's sure of it.
"I can't," Jake whispers, so softly that he almost didn't hear himself say it, but Tsu'tey frowns more.
"Yes," Tsu'tey says, his voice soft. "Yes, Jake. To Hometree." Tsu'tey reaches out towards him.
"Tsu'tey, the fence," Jake warns, hardening his voice. Tsu'tey hesitates, looking at the fence, then he scowls. He pulls his hand back and lowers it down to his thigh, shifting his weight once more.
"Jake," Tsu'tey says, his voice so soft that Jake feels his heart clench. "Jake... to Hometree. With Tsu'tey. Come." A moment, brief, vulnerable, then, "Please?"
Jake's face twists sharply of its own accord, so strongly, so violently, that it takes a second for him to realize that it happened before he's able to look away to hide it. But it's too late, Tsu'tey sees it. He shifts from one hip to the other, stretching that impossibly long leg out so that he can lower a bit to look at Jake's face, eyes wide. Jake watches the motion, realizing the inside of Tsu'tey's thigh also had a speckling of glowing freckles, which makes Jake's face twist again, this time for a different reason and he has to look away, a stab of shame for looking at the other boy like that.
Tsu'tey twists his head to the side, tracking Jake's face, despite the other boy's efforts. He whispers something in Na'vi, using that word again. Narlor. But it's so soft Jake isn't sure if he actually heard it or not.
Jake glances at him, and Tsu'tey freezes, eyes wide, staring back at him. Seems like he didn't intend for Jake to hear him. Tsu'tey opens his mouth, hesitates, closes his mouth, opens it again, hesitates again, closes, repeats. Why was he looking at Jake like that? Is it a bad thing that he said? He's not sure. He doesn't think so. It didn't sound mean, but then again, what does he know?
Jake completely turns away, shoulders drooping. It doesn't matter. Tsu'tey's entire body droops, frowning sadly. Jake wraps his arms around himself and quietly says, "Go back to Hometree, Tsu'tey."
Tsu'tey glances up at him, creases formed between his eyes. "Jake, come?"
Jake shakes his head. "No. I'm not going back. I'm sorry." His words... they hurt. Each one like a lance through his chest and he doesn't know why. He thinks about Her. About the one that is always there. And it feels like she's sad. Sobs carried like a chilled breeze between the trees. The forest goes silent as Jake shivers in his pajamas. He wraps his arms around himself.
Tsu'tey tenses up, glancing over his shoulder to the forest, ears swiveling, eyes scanning. After a moment, he hesitantly, quietly, calls out to him, while keeping his eyes on the forest, hand sliding over his thigh toward the knife there. "Jake..."
"Go to Hometree," Jake says, just as quiet. He's not sure what's happening out in the forest, but it feels like it's time for Tsu'tey to go. Jake knew it was dangerous out here, he should have insisted that Tsu'tey go back sooner. "Goodbye, Tsu'tey. And..." Thank you, was on his tongue. But he can't say it. Goodbye is easier. He always knew this would happen. Not exactly like this, but enough to know that one day they would go their separate ways. Thank you... a thank you is unexpected. Jake never could have guessed that.
"Jake," Tsu'tey says, pleading softly, but his attention is split between the silent forest and Jake, shifting nervously. "Jake, please. Please, be come to Hometree, please."
Jake squeezes his eyes shut, wishing he was childish enough to cover his ears, each little word threatening to whittle away at his resolve. And he can't. Despite Grace's offer, Jake's not sure anyone would actually want him to go back to his avatar - not that he even wanted to. Because he didn't.
Swallowing thickly, Jake says, just loud enough for the Na'vi behind him to hear, "Goodbye, Tsu'tey." And starts down the path back to the facility, arms wrapped tightly around himself.
"Jake! Please!"
Jake doesn't respond, his throat sealed shut. He just keeps walking, not daring to look back, not sure what he would do if he saw Tsu'tey still standing there, looking after her pleadingly.
Tsu'tey was back the next night.
Jake was once again led out there by an atokirina. Tsu'tey was waiting for him as soon as he walked out there. But Jake just told him to go back to Hometree again, that it wasn't safe out there. Tsu'tey kept trying to tell him to come with. To go into his avatar and he would go back. But Jake couldn't. He couldn't stick around to listen to Tsu'tey beg him.
Tsu'tey was back again the night after. Jake didn't go out, but he sat at the window and stared at the dancing atokirina, watching it dance, urging him to come out to Tsu'tey. Going back and forth, over and over again, for hours without him moving from his chair.
Come, it - she - whispered, come.
But he didn't. He waited until it was gone before climbing into bed and staring at the ceiling, not even bothering to turn his light off as he stared at the ceiling until morning. He would go back to work with Quaritch, doing his work, talking - somewhat - about the comics. He hadn't really been able to focus on them, so Quaritch switched gears to movies. Jake didn't really watch a lot of movies, so he just listened to Quaritch talk all about old movies that he liked, occasionally commenting but mostly remaining quiet.
Night twenty, and Jake manages to stay awake only long enough for the atokirina to leave before he loses the war with his body and falls asleep in the uncomfortable chair. But when he woke up at his alarm too soon, he had to drag himself to shower and go to Quaritch's office, where he just blankly stared at the wall for hours, like a zombie. At some point, he fell asleep, resting on his forearms on the desk for almost two hours before waking with a start.
He looked over at Quaritch, an apology on his lips but the man's seat was empty but on his desk was a sandwich and reusable bottle - with water, Jake realizes when he uncaps the top. There is a little sticky note next to it.
At a meeting. Eat up when you wake.
Quietly, Jake grabbed the sandwich and water and goes back to his desk. He continues his work, now that he's a bit more alert, while nibbling on his sandwich and sipping his water. Ham, mayo and cheese, his favorite. He remembers having it off-handedly squeezed from him a few days prior while Quaritch was grilling him, trying to learn more about him.
Quaritch remembered that?
Jake finished up his work, tidied up his space and finished off his water before Quaritch even came back. But without anything else to do, he grabbed one of the sticky notes off the corner of his own desk and walks over to Quaritch's, scribbling a quick, "Thank you. I finished my work. Have a good day." And leaving it there. He shut off the light and closed the door so no one would just come in without the Colonel there and heads back to his room.
By night twenty-five, Jake's terrified out of his mind. Tsu'tey is out there every night, waiting for him. Somehow sending this atokirina to get him and Jake's been hearing more and more during the day that animals have been throwing themselves against the fences. They had to clear up an entire pack of viper wolves and a couple of hexapede even got fried. No one seems to know what was going on. They had gone so long without too many animals getting tangled up in the fences, but now it seemed like another was caught in it each day.
But still Tsu'tey came at night, waited for him for hours, before him and atokirina disappear into the darkness. Jake doesn't actually go to see him, though. He's just hoping that Tsu'tey will get the picture and stop coming. He knows that Tsu'tey wants him to return to his avatar, probably so that the Tsahik can speak to him, but he can't do that. This was just a waste of time for all of them. It's not right.
But he's persistent. He keeps coming back. Jake knows it. He can feel it in his bones. Night after night, he knows that Tsu'tey is out there, waiting for him.
And so is She. That soft, loving voice in the back of his head that used to bring him to his safe space. That was always there to care for him. To look out for him when he didn't have the strength to look after himself. Even her siren's call was getting louder, shaking his skin, like it was peeling it back. But it wasn't something he tangibly felt, it was something in his head. A way to explain a feeling he wasn't actually feeling.
He wanted to charge out there, night after night, to tell Tsu'tey to just go home. To stop coming back. That it wasn't safe. But he was scared. He was scared to sever that bond on his own. It's normal for others to make the decision to leave him, natural, even. But it's harder for him. He doesn't have a whole lot, so he doesn't want to get rid of the stuff that he does realize that he likes. He knows that he has to, it just doesn't make sense to try and be friends with Tsu'tey when he has no intention of going back to his avatar, nor does he really think he's going to be leaving the facility again.
He's way too much of a liability as it is. Never mind adding in the danger of Pandora on top of that.
And for all the doctors' checkups and tests and scans, they have no idea what happened and why he can't feel anything. No one has any explanation. It's only been almost a month and Jake's pretty certain that they aren't going to find out anything and it will just remain a mystery.
Tommy was wrecked on hearing that, getting angry at Jake for just giving up. They haven't spoken in days.
But back to Tsu'tey, Jake just doesn't want him to get hurt. Not out there, so far from Hometree. And certainly not because of him. There are a million other things that Tsu'tey should be doing with his time, and instead he's there. No doubt forced to try and convince Jake to go and speak with the Tsahik. Jake feels so bad for him.
And if Jake was a better man, he would go out there and demand Tsu'tey never come back. Say or do whatever he had to in order to make it so. But he couldn't. Because he was scared.
In the meantime, Quaritch found something out about Jake that not even Jake knew. Jake liked food. Not so much just eating but trying all sorts of food. He wasn't ever picky with his food - not like he could afford to - but he never minded trying new food. And a little-known fact, Lyle just so happened to be a cook. Not like an expert chef or anything, but enjoyed dabbling in his free time, and soon, Lyle was there during lunch times, getting Jake to try new foods, which Jake always liked.
He seemed genuinely interested in hearing what Jake had to say about it, which was very little at first, but he began to open up a bit more each day, exploring his tastebuds. He had never had such good food so readily available. If it wasn't something that could be put together from the pantry than it was something frozen - that was how he and Tommy survived.
"Your parents didn't cook for you?" Lyle had asked, when Jake had finally admitted that on day thirty, which had been about six days since they started doing this.
Quaritch blinks slowly, but doesn't look at anyone but Jake, who was staring at his meal on his desk. "No," Jake admits, quietly, rubbing his eyes, tired. "My, uh, dad, well, he always worked to provide so we were on our own."
"And your mom?" Lyle asks, pushing his empty plate away from himself.
"She died in childbirth with me," Jake says, using his fork to push around the pasta on his plate.
Lyle's face slackens a bit in surprise. "I'm sorry," he admits softly. Then he blinks. "Wait, aren't you the older brother?"
Jake doesn't look at either man, although he can feel both of them staring at the side of his head, he just nods. "Yeah, they had to remove Tommy after she was gone." He yawns, feeling his shoulders droop. Man, he sure knows how to kill a mood. He could have just said, "Yeah, she died." And left it as that, but then he had to go and open his fat mouth and say random shit no one was interested in hearing.
What is wrong with him? Not only is that extremely inappropriate, but it's morbid as hell. No one wants to just know that about someone.
"I'm sorry, kid," Lyle says, quietly.
Jake shrugs. "You weren't the one that killed her."
A beat of silence, where Jake flinches. That probably wasn't the right thing to say. God, he sucks at conversing, this is why he shouldn't be allowed to. He just says the most off the wall, random shit.
"You weren't either."
Jake and Lyle both look over at Quaritch, who was staring at him with hard, icy blue eyes. Jake immediately looks away, unable to meet his eyes beyond even a second. Lyle looks between them, eyebrows pulling together, as if putting something together. Jake could smack himself. The lack of sleep catching up to him again, coupled with his worry over Tsu'tey, his growing stress about the animals and what that could mean, and now this stupid, shitty conversation? He's done with today. He just wants to go back to his room and rest. He's done.
"Is that why you and your daddy ain't close?" Quaritch asks, voice even, eyes piercing into the side of Jake's head. Jake doesn't respond, doesn't even look at him. He just stares down at his lap. "Answer me, Jacob."
Jake closes his eyes, forcing down the phantom feelings of hands on all parts of his body, pushing, pulling, scratching, hitting. He might not be able to feel anything anymore, but his mind sure does remember those feelings with clarity. And those words, those evil, hateful words that Jake knew first, even before his own name.
"Who could ever love a boy that would kill his own mother?" The words came out of his lips before he could stop them, hearing that man's voice overlapping with his own.
Lyle's lips press together tightly and Quaritch's face is hard set, blue eyes burning like a flame. Jake stands up, grabbing his half-eaten meal and walking over to Quaritch's desk, cracking his hip hard against it, grabbing their empty plates and stacking them up without reacting. Lyle flinches, hissing, not used to it yet, while Quaritch's eyes burn hotter in anger, his lips twitching like he's struggling to find the words.
"Don't feel bad," Jake says quietly, staring down at the plates. "I got over it a long time ago. He'll never be my father and I'll never be his son. It's why we never got his name. Jake and Tommy Sully. Like Elizabeth Sully. He never wanted us, and that's fine." He shrugs. Despite that, his hands shake. He squeezes them for a moment to try and get that nervous energy out of him. "May I be excused for the day, sir? I don't feel well."
Jaw flexing, still trying to find the words, Quaritch just mutely nods in Jake's peripheral. He gathers up the garbage and leaves, hating that he couldn't just keep his mouth shut.
Jake goes to the cafeteria or mess hall, as Lyle calls it, and drops off the reusable cups, and throws away the trash before heading to his room. It's midafternoon, but he doesn't care. He changes into his pajamas, grabs a couple of pills and swallows them, crawling into bed and closing his eyes. And he's out in seconds.
It takes a long time for Jake's mind to center itself.
It starts with awareness. Like being aware that he's lying on his back, hands at his sides, legs lying flat. And his entire body is in agony. Like a burning sensation peeling him apart bit by bit. And once more, he can't move. He can't even open his eyes. he's trapped again. Trapped in his body like he was that last time when he had that crazy dream about Hometree.
But before the panic could completely set in, Jake realizes that even if he can't open his eyes, he can hear.
Specifically, Tsu'tey. Despite not understanding what he's saying. Jake can hear him. Can hear his low, raspy voice and it sounds so...
Agonized.
He hisses and it's like Jake's body has a mind of its own. Jake's head falls to the side, the sensation through his neck, shoulders and face is like a firecracker going off across his skin, but somehow, despite his mouth not being able to so much as twitch, his eyes open.
See, it - she - whispers, see.
And after a few blinks, not of his own accord, his vision clears enough to see Tsu'tey, on the other side of this brightly lit hut like space, with three women seeing to him. The Fireball from the school, Sylwanin, and the Tsahik. Another woman, stern-face with rage burning in her eyes, stands a few feet off, hands twitching like she wants to help but something keeps her in place.
And Tsu'tey, well, between the shifting women, Jake can see Tsu'tey's strained face, pale and agonized. He hisses, recoils and flinches, turning away and snapping at something the Fireball says to him. He groans in pain and Sylwanin gasps, face twisting in worry. She brings up her arm to push back some hair that fell into her face and her hands are covered in blood.
Mo'at shifts, moving to her feet and rushing over to grab something while Tsu'tey struggles to try to get to his feet, but both teens grab hold of him to keep him in place. Jake's heart lodges into his throat as he looks at Tsu'tey's chest and it is... covered in blood. Diced up from his left shoulder, down his torso. Jake can't see the full extent of the damage, but that's so much blood for it just be a few scratches.
"Jake," Tsu'tey rasps, face twisted in pain. He says something else, but then says, "Jake," again. And his golden eyes turn, not toward the avatar, but outward, like he could peer through the space they were in, out of Hometree, and across the forest to Hell's Gate, where the boy in question was currently sleeping peacefully in his bed - sort of - while his worst fears have come true.
Tsu'tey is hurt. And it's all Jake's fault.
Tsu'tey should be angry at him. Hate him for doing this to him, but instead, his voice is raspy and strained, pleading as he looked at the women around the room, his skin paling and his face streaked with sweat, concern and worry on his face and said again, crystal clear, "Jake."
Jake jerks awake in his bed, sweating profusely. His heart is pounding in his chest, but he doesn't care. He flings the covers off of himself and scrambles to his feet, and in the now darkness of the room, Jake falls. He hits the floor with a loud slam! But he doesn't feel it. No pain, nothing. Just the pressure across the front of his body and his face, and he only spares enough energy to reach up to feel if his nose is still straight - which it is - and run his tongue along his teeth, so long as there wasn't any give, he should be okay.
Jake manages to make it to the window after stumbling a bit more, somehow unable to get his footing to see if the atokirina was out there. It was a dream, right? It had to be. There is no way Jake just... teleported into Hometree. The atokirina will be there and he'll go with it to speak with Tsu'tey, explain, finally that it's just too dangerous out there. He has to give up and go home. Then this will all be over, and Jake can stop being a fucking coward.
And when Jake opens up the blinds, he freezes in terror, shaking hands reaching out to touch the glass even though he can't feel it. Nothing is out there in the darkness beyond. Not the atokirina, not Tsu'tey, nothing.
Come, it - she - whispers, come.
Jake turns, panicked, and heads for the door, ripping it open and running as fast as he can down the hall. He stumbles, running into walls and nearly tripping many time, but he doesn't stop. He runs down the hallways. Left, right, left, left, straight. He keeps going until the path becomes familiar. It's been a long time - a month, yet it feels so much longer than that - since he last walked these hallways. His mind is racing, not able to comprehend what is about to happen, all he can think about is Tsu'tey. He needs to make sure that he's okay.
It's his fault. It's all his fault. He has to make this right.
And then, Jake is there, standing in the doorway to the Avatar lab. Grace is huddled over a computer working - or attempting to, while basically tearing her hair out - and she nearly leaps from her skin when Jake says, "Let me in," louder than he intended to in the quiet room.
Grace, hand over heart, turns to look at Jake, perplexed. She opens her mouth, then stops, blinks, squints, then stares. "Jake?" She asks in disbelief.
"Let me in. I need to get into the avatar," Jake says, eyes wide. Tsu'tey. He has to make sure that Tsu'tey is alright. He'll explain everything he can and then they can have their clean break, no electrified fence separating them. Then they will be done. They just... he has to... "Please, Grace. I need to go," he says, voice coming out in a terrified whisper. She never would have been able to hear him had the room not been silent.
"Jake, are you..." she hesitates, really looking at him, scanning his features. He has to look like hell, he knows it. But he has to make sure that Tsu'tey's okay. Nothing else matters. "Are you sure?" She asks instead, standing up. "We don't know what will happen if you jump again. We should - "
"No, Grace," Jake says, stepping further into the room, walking over to his pod and stopping, turning to her. He's not sure what his expression looks like, but hers crumbles at the sight of it. "Please, Grace. Please."
Grace hesitates for a split second, before nodding and moving towards him. "I'll be with you the whole time."