Rest In Peace Richard Belzer. AKA Sgt. Munch!

A/N: I had this thought rolling around in my head for a while now, and I'm just getting around to doing it. I hope you enjoy; I don't know yet if I'm going to write other chapters. Please read and review!

Elliot POV

Kathy. She was really gone. I didn't know how to do this. We'd been together for the better part of our lives, and in the last few years, we achieved true companionship. Now, she was gone. And most of her things had been divided among the children. And, today, the last of what was left, was brought to my apartment. Four boxes. What's left of our life together. And it was heartbreaking. And it was my fault. I had managed to single-handedly break the hearts of the two women I held most dear. One is gone, and the other is here.

The one that's here- that's a whole other story. I've not done right by her. She deserves an explanation- a real explanation. She called me out for it- I could always count on her honesty. And I'd taken advantage of her kindness and giving nature. And I'd given nothing in return. I fell into the easiness and the home like feeling of what our relationship used to be. It's so easy to get lost in it; it was like no time had passed. It feels natural. Because it is.

Olivia. She is my home. I had to overlook this fact for years when we were partners. Now, I'm in a conflicted state. My feelings for Liv are mingling with the grief I feel for my wife. And I feel suspended in time. Living and breathing moment to moment, with no forethought for future moments. It's surreal.

Staring now at the unopened boxes in my closet, two years later, I'm finally ready to take this step. Pulling them out of the closet to the middle of the floor, I take a seat and open the one closest to me.

It was filled with photo albums from over the years, Eli's baby book, and some of Kathy's favorite odds and ends. I push that box away and pull another to me, and work my through the next two, being flooded with the memories from everywhere we've been. Kathy's journals. I read some, and it was like hearing her voice again, filling me with a familiar warmth and comfort.

I came to the last box, and opening it I expected more of the same. But it wasn't. I was greeted with a picture that, until now, had only lived in the dark recesses of my mind. Pictures of us. Benson and Stabler. The old days. One by one, I pulled out the pictures. She was family. Pictures of her with us at different birthdays, playing with the kids. Of her and Eli. Those were some of the best days of my life. I get to the bottom of the box, pulling out three leather bound notebooks. What? I open the one on top, and inside the cover is written 2012. Kathy. The other two are inscribed much the same way, with the years 2013 and 2014. Why put these in, what I dubbed, the "Liv box"? Curiosity wins the internal argument inside my head, and I open the first one. I skim through until one entry catches my eye.

February 7, 2012

Today is her birthday. I can see it in his eyes, he wants to call her. He wants to reach out. It's been months, and he's been miserable. He's been trying to hide it, going though the motions. I can't believe he's gone this long without contact. I never believed that this would happen this way.

I remember that day like yesterday. And I also thought that I had disguised my feelings. I suppose not. I skimmed some more.

October 27, 2012

Things are better. He genuinely smiled today, and made my heart just a bit lighter. This year has been hard. And although I don't want to consider the possibility, but in the back of my mind I wonder from time to time if the change in his demeanor is attributed to her. And he has assured me of the clean break as he called it, but I can't help these thoughts. I hate that I feel so insecure. He's my husband and I love him, but I know she'll always have pieces of him that I'll never have. And I understand that. I do.

I knew that she felt like at times I preferred Olivia. But I never knew that our partnership gave her feelings of being inferior. I mean- she was my wife. And I was loyal.

That fateful night in the hospital room flashed to the forefront of my mind.

"You guys really didn't talk for ten years??"

"I didn't even know that he was back on the job."

She really never believed that until she saw Olivia's face. Deep inside myself, it killed me that it was true.

As loyal as I was to my wife and kids, there was a part of me that would always belong to her.

I read more- she had documented everything. Our first move to Europe. The day I packed up all of the "Liv" pictures. Things about the kids. Setting 2012 aside, I unwound the delicate leather piece holding the book shut, when a newspaper clipping fell out.

When I realized what it said, the air sucked from my lungs and my eyes burned. This has got to be a mistake.

A/N: And so I've decided to do another chapter. I've danced with the idea of Kathy's point of view for a while, and seeing how she has passed, I liked this aspect. I also plan to have Kathleen come into the story at some point- still working out those details. I hope y'all enjoy! And please read and review!