It was a surprisingly brisk day in July, although Bolivia's winters were still nothing like Chicago's. It has been 10 months since Jay had left the latter for the former and he was still adjusting to the seasons being opposite. Today should be a good day because his team had just wrapped up their latest bust on some lower-level cartel. But it wasn't a good day for him. If he's being honest with himself, it hasn't been a good day for him since that brisk Chicago day in October when he left. Why? Simply because it was the last day he had seen his wife in person. Even though it was his choice to leave to become a better man again for her and himself, he ached all the way through to his bones missing her. He broke the one promise to her he swore he never would: he left. He didn't leave her, he'd never, but he knows deep down in her insecurities she probably never saw it that way, and unfortunately these last few weeks had proved that even more…

June 23, 2023

Jay is just walking back into his barracks after a few days outside the wire when he hears one of his subordinates from a different unit call out his name. "Hey Halstead, you got an envelope the other day." Thomas Patton yells as he picks it up off a side table and tosses it to Jay.

"Thanks, Patton" Jay responds as Thomas nods and walks away and Jay continues to his room, a feeling of dread hitting the pit of his stomach when he reads the return address is from an attorney in Chicago. "It can't be, it just can't" he quietly whispers to himself as he sits on the edge of his bed and slowly starts to tear back the perforations. He pulls out a stack of crisp white paper, and just stares at the bold words in disbelief.

MARITAL SEPARATION AGREEMENT

The Parties. This Marital Settlement Agreement made this June 12, 2023, is an agreement to dissolve the marriage between:

Jay P. Halstead ("Husband")

And

Hailey A. Upton ("Wife")….

Jay stopped reading after that, in a daze, completely unaware he dropped the papers on the floor. He knew Hailey had been getting more and more frustrated with his lack of communication, and clearly his absence, but he didn't think she'd actually give up on them. On him. It's a selfish thought, he realizes, especially since he did this to them, but he's so hurt right now there's no rational thought. There was a small part of him weeks ago that feared this could be coming, but he didn't want to believe it, yet alone admit it to himself. It started in early May, although one could argue it basically started last Summer when he began losing himself in Hank Voight's world of grey. Again, he had just come in from being off the wire, only this time to a few upset, but understanding voicemails and texts from Hailey wanting her to talk to him and let her know if he was coming back at all, a super random voicemail from Dante Torres asking if Jay had heard from Hailey, and then a second voicemail from Trudy Platt stating that while it wasn't her right to get involved, but she was anyway, and that Hailey had gotten into some trouble that led her being brought in to the hospital and maybe he should actually: quote: "call your damn wife!" That was it. He had nothing from Hailey after Trudy's voicemail. Needless to say, Jay became frantic and called his wife immediately. She didn't pick up at first, so he kept calling, and then left her an emotional voicemail of his own, finding it very poetic that he now understood what it must have been like to be in her shoes all these months. She finally answered after his sixth call, sounding worn out, but strong. She filled him in how her and one if his old CI's had been kidnapped, how she was beaten and bruised, but ultimately saved herself. Jay wanted to vomit because he knew she likely was keeping most of the gory details away and undermining how badly she was hurt. A smarter man would have realized her physical pain still compared nothing to her emotional pain of not having her husband and partner there with her. But Jay wasn't completely dumb and tried anyway.

"I'm going to go talk to Major Baxter and try to get a leave of absence so I can come see you." He softly states.

"A leave of absence?" she questions, something in the tone of her voice putting Jay on edge. "Don't bother, Jay. I'm fine. I'll be fine."

"Hailey, please! I want to come see you, I need to make sure you're alright!"

"Yeah, well, I've wanted the same from my husband for 10 months now, wondering if you were alright, if you were hurt, if you were even alive… and sometimes you couldn't even return my calls, even a simple text to ease my mind… so yeah, Jay, I'm fine. I don't need you here for a week to babysit me. I've managed just fine without you for almost a year now…" she whispers it, but it's adamant. It sounds definitive.

"Hailey…" Jay chokes as silent tears start to drip down his cheeks.

"Look Jay, it's been a long week, clearly. My head is pounding, we'll talk soon, okay? Don't bother talking to the major. We have a huge case at work anyway and I won't have the time to see you even if you did come back for your week. I appreciate you taking the time to check in."

Jay still knows her well enough to know there's no point in arguing with her. So he sighs in defeat. "Okay. I love you!"

"Love you too." She whispers and then clicks off without another word.

It's the last time he physically speaks to his wife. He sends her a barrage of texts and voicemails when he's not on assignment, but they go unanswered, and each time he returns to base his phone remains blank, aside from the occasional text from his brother or a spam voicemail. Each week that passes he regrets more and more that he didn't just go against her wishes and fly home to Chicago anyway. She'd be stubborn, but she would have warmed up. Afterall, like she said, all she wanted was her husband… and now the irony may be that he's left completely without a wife. The next communication he has from her is now this white packet from her attorney. She didn't even tell him herself. She won't even return his new set of voicemails begging her not to do this. Not that he blames her. In her eyes he cut his losses and ran, and he'll hate himself forever for making her think that…

So today, on what should have been a good day, he sits alone at the bar nursing a beer while his team celebrates in the corner playing darts. He doesn't feel like celebrating. He doesn't deserve to celebrate. And the only person he ever wants to celebrate with is over 4,000 miles away. So he sulks and nurses the beer. He's so deep in his own thoughts that he doesn't even realize one of the few women in their unit, Alexandra Pinto, sits on the stool next to him. She tries to engage in conversation, but he just gives a few nods and mumbles, wishing she'd take the hint. He's not stupid, he knows that plenty of these people, far away from their homes, families, and spouses, take matters into their own hands and allow promiscuity to ensue, but that's not him. Especially not him with Hailey. She's his everything and he could never think about being with another woman, even now, when she wants him to sign and agree to them being over. Most have sensed that aura in him and haven't even tried to tempt, whether locals or his own coworkers. Although Alexandra must not have gotten the memo tonight because he feels her whisper something in his ear after he didn't respond to the last thing she said and then rest her hand on his upper thigh. He snaps out of his sulking then and grabs her hand, not enough to hurt her, but aggressively enough, and pushes it away.

He turns to face her with anger in his eyes and simply states. "I'm married!" Making sure to leave no room for discussion.

"Sorry. I heard otherwise now. Won't happen again." She states and walks away in disgust back to the group of guys.

Jay rolls his eyes, pounds the rest of his beer, and exits the bar without saying goodbye to anyone. Once he returns to his room, he kicks off his boots, plops on his bed, and pulls up his favorite picture of Hailey. They were taking a walk along the lake on a breezy fall day, and her wavy blonde hair was blowing around her in the wind, but she had the biggest smile on her face looking back at him when he interrupted her staring at the gentle waves to take the photo. He must be staring at it for a good ten minutes when he sees his phone light up with a call. WILL HALSTEAD flashes across his upper screen and a growing feeling of dread creeps into his stomach wondering why his brother would be calling him at 2am. He quickly swipes to answer it and before Jay could even say hello Will is speaking, his worry apparent.

"Did you hear about Hailey?" …

[A/N: Getting out this first chapter a little earlier than I thought I would… in my head, I was always hoping for a quick solution to Hailey & Jay finding their way back to each other while staying close to canon (*awful canon, but the only true universe they reside in), which is how this story was born. It will also mostly be from Jay's perspective because us as an audience to the show won't get that, & his character deserves to get a non-rushed point of view... I wasn't certain Tracy was going to leave the show, but there was a part of me hoping somehow for a fix to Upstead & their characters early on in season 11! So with Tracy really leaving, I do hope the writers feel the same as me & want to fix them! Anyway, thank you all for reading & for your support over the years… see you soon for chapter 2! :) ]