Lo'ak is my favourite character so I thought I might make a fanfiction about him. I also couldn't take neteyam's death so yes, he is alive! :)
"In order for a boy to develop into a man, the boy must leave first."
"He is not needed, but rather a nusciounce in life."
"Where men are cherished. Boys are not."
Lo'ak took another step in the sand, another away from his family. He could feel the grains of sand stick to his wet foot like the mud did in the forest. He frowned at the heavy feeling in his heart. Whenever he thought of the sand of the reef, it would always go back to the grounds of the forest, the vines coating the trees, his home. The reef felt like an ongoing vacation. Never home.
He has been here for a good amount of months now. And it's safe to say that he has fully adapted to the ways of the water. Diving came easy to him now. He recognises the reef. He was familiar with the animals and water. The waves no longer shove him back. He can hold his breath longer. He adapted. Just like his father promised he would.
He sighed and called for his ilu once he reached the edge of the sand. Water starting to blanket the grains of sand, the cool, refreshing sea touching his toes. He smiled. He felt different with the water. He missed the grounds of the forest, he missed the trees and nature of his home. He did. But the sea welcomed him just aswell as the forest did.
He hated the reef but loved the sea. Because the reef only reminded him of the contrast between the reef and the forest. It reminded him of his departure from his home and friends. Where the memories of his childhood, before war consumed his life, where what he cherished and once had laid. It reminded him of his abandonment of the forest.
Where as the sea, does nothing but give him closure. It warms him with the knowledge that it cannot leave him. He can leave it. It warms him with the knowledge that it can give him love. Not the sea itself. But what it gives. It did not take his brother away, it showed mercy. Then it gave him a friend. His spirit brother. Payakan. The only one who truely understand him. The one he can go to whenever the pain of isolation and being neglected is too much to handle. He is there.
But with the forest, you have to climb the trees to get to your destination. You have to run through the storms and battles that take place. There are obstacles. The friends it gives are dangerous. They can leave you easily. They can neglect your love. They can ignore you pain. That's how lo'ak sees the forest. If that's how it treated him then how else should he see it. The only good in it is the memories that took place there. Lo'ak will forever cherish it, because back then, he was able to be oblivious to the obvious truths. He was still a child. Now he can't be a child.He isn't allowed. He is unable. He wished he was grateful. Because he didn't know how great childhood is, until the boy inside him was murdered. He was a man now.
Lo'ak blinked as he felt splashes of water reach his feet. He looked down to the sea, to find his ilu waiting for him. He chuckled at his little friend's move. He always befriended animals. Because he felt that they had too much heart to leave him. They were not as cruel as the people he grew up with. They were trustworthy.
"Come on, little guy." Lo'ak smiled as he got onto his ilu and got ready to dive in.
As the water hit his face and coated his body, he felt the bosom warmth gently washing against his skin. The familiar sensation calming his nerves, pulling a smile on his face. He laughed as his ilu jumped up, exposing itself the wind that consumes the sea. The waves of wind blowing through his face, cooling him down. He cheered at his ilu, finally enjoying himself. Something was missing.
"Let's call him, buddy." Lo'ak stroked the soft scales of his ilu. Grinning as he heard it's shout for his brother.
Seconds later, a giant token jumped out the sea. It's crash in the water splashing the startled boy and his ilu. Lo'ak pulled his hands away from his face, his smile wider then before. Oh how he missed his good friend.
"Sorry, I haven't seen you in a while." He said, smiling a little sadly at his reasons. He had come back late again, last time. His father had forbidden him from going to see his friend for the next week because of how much he isolated himself from the family in order to visit the tulken. He had been mad at his father for not understanding him.
"It's okay. How have you been?" Payakan whistled.
"Okay, I guess." Lo'ak put on a kind smile. He knew payakan wasn't buying it. He never bought his lies. He always saw through it. And he always understood. That's what he loved about him. He actually listened. He would see him.
"You seem down. Do you want to talk about it?"
Lo'ak let out a defeated sigh. He had to let it out soon. This was where he let it out. He gulped. "Uh. It's about my dad." He mumbled.
"What happened? Was it because you went home late, last visit?"
"Yeah. He punished me." Lo'ak confirmed. He looked at the tulken. "It's not just because he punished me. I always get told off, so I'm not usually this upset about it." He explained. "It's why and how he punished me." He went on. "He punished me becuase I spend too much time with you, instead of my own family. But instead of doing anything about it or trying to let me explain, he just scolds me and gives me that damn look."
"You're angry because he didn't bother to see your distress or why you do this?"
"Yes!" Lo'ak almost yelled out of frustration. "It's just-- whenever kiri or any of my siblings do something bad or are upset, he tries to understand them. He doesn't with me. He just scolds me, punishes me, then gives me the same look."
"What does it say? The look?"
"That I messed up. That I brought chame to the family. That I'm a disappointment. All the usuals." Lo'ak shrugged. He decided to go on. "After he tells me off, he just goes and rants to my mother. As if I'm a peice of worthless objects that need to be thrown away. Whenever they talk of me, it's always, 'Your son has been doing this, make him stop!' or, 'He keeps causing trouble! What would make him stop?'. It's never 'Why is he doing this? Is he okay?'. Just the same fucking thing. Everytime! I'm just so sick of it. I hate it.
"Sometimes I feel like I'm not even their son. They sure as never act like their my parents! I act nothing like either of them. Neteyam is a great warrior like dad. Tuk is a spitting image of mom. Sure! Kiri is adopted but she sure his treated more like family then me!"
Lo'ak sighed. He couldn't hold his tears anymore. It hurt him too much to keep in. He let them drop. His back slumping in relief. His face relaxed as the wet drops drop to the sea, filling his ocean of grief.
"I just feel like I'm being isolated from my own family."
Lo'ak troded on the sand. It's stuck to his feet again. He growled to himself in annoyance. He wants to go back to the sea. It's calling to him again. It always was, he just never realised in the forest since it was so far away. He wants the freedom again. He would go back but it's almost dawn. He would surely get punished again if he comes back late again.
Defeated by his own thoughts, he dragged his feet to the marui to see his family setting up the table. He felt himself tense up again. He hid his tail behind his back and silently walked into his 'home'. He silently walked through his family, silently praying that no one would ask for him.
"Lo'ak." He heard his father say in a stiff voice.
Oh, why thank you eywa for answering my prayer. That'll do good.
Lo'ak felt his tail tense up again. Why was he tensing up. He grew up with these people. During the war, these were the people he was isolated with. The people that kept him safe in the battlefeild. The father who was first to hold him in his arms. Why was he tense? Why was he like this? He didn't know. He just automatically answered.
"Yes, sir?" He turned around, hesitatantly.
He was faced with his father towering over him, holding a strong gaze. There were more eyes on him. He slowly turned his gaze to the people shadowing his father. There was his whole family staring at him.
"Look at me."
Lo'ak snapped his attention to his father. Looking at his face. For some reason, he couldn't reach his gaze. His eyes struggled to obey him. Why was that?
"Look. At. Me." His father's voice was more stiff. It was the voice of a leader: Strong and obeying. "Lo'ak, look at me. Look me in the eyes."
"Why are you angry, sir?" Lo'ak suddenly asked. His voice was out of pure question, but there was a tint of something else in the tone. Jake couldn't detect it. What was it? Anger?
"What do you mean? 'Why are you angry?' What do you mean?!" Jake spat in his son's face. "Every fucking day," He pointed his finger into his son's chest. "You go out to the sea to see that stupid tulken--"
"He is not stupid." Lo'ak defended. Jake saw it. The golden hatred reflecting of his son's eyes. Like his used to. He felt anger again.
"Watch your tone." Jake growled. He was talking like he used to. He doesn't like it. It was disrespectful. "I am your father. Act like it."
Lo'ak stared. The magma he repressed all those years bubbling up to the surface. He can feel it. He was about to scream but something stopped him. He saw it again. Neteyam's bullet wound, he can see it again. He wasn't covering it.
He looked down to his hands again. There wasn't any blood laid on his hands. Why could he still feel it? He feels dirty. He should go back to the sea. That would clean him. He cant carry along his dirt for long. People will see.
"Lo'ak! Look at me!" His father commanded once again.
Lo'ak looked up. He felt his heart drop again. He is giving him that look. It's like he read his mind. 'Yeah go back to the sea. You can go as much as you like. It will never wash off the blood of your hands. It will never clean you. You're dirty. You're a disappointment. You bring shame to this family.'
"Can I go now?" Lo'ak asked. He could feel his tail tense up again. He hid it behind his back. He stares at his father who seemed to have been consumed by rage.
"No! I'm not done talking to you yet!" His father snapped, waving his hands in the air. Lo'ak had barely managed to contain a wince. He held onto his tail. His father didn't notice this and continued. "Ever since you became friends with that tulken of yours, you have become so distant! Even after- nete- the accident!" He let out a breath. Letting himself calm down. "You know what, you can't visit payakan anymore. Not until you learn to be with this family!"
Lo'ak felt his heart stop. Why was he so scared? His chest started to hurt. "Okay." Jake raised an eyebrow. "Okay, sir."
"Good." Jake cleared his throught. He turned around and hid a wince when he faced neytiri's glowering stare. He looked down and continued to set the food up.
Lo'ak looked away from his father to see his siblings staring into his skull. He cowered into the shadows and silently picked up some plates to help his mother out.
When it was done, jake called the family to come and eat. Lo'ak blinked. When was the last time he spent dinner with his family? He didn't know. He just sat inbetween neteyam and kiri.
He picked at his food. Eating slower then usual. He didn't feel the need to eat after his 'fight' with his father. He ate anyways. He didn't want to get scolded once more. The family started a conversation on what tuk had done today. She had created bracelets and gave them to a few of her friends.
"I still have another extra!" Tuk exclaimed, holding up a -- surprisingly breathtaking -- bracelet up in the air.
Lo'ak had to admit that he was impressed. He loved the design. It reminded him of the sea. The light blue orbs blending in with the white and aqua shells. Some shells forming the shapes of waves.Who knew tuk had such taste?
Lo'ak thought to himself, could he ever make something as beautiful as that? He cannot add beads to a string because he feels that it will break. That's what he does. Break things. Like he did with his family.
He almost jumped out of his hair when he felt something touch his skin. He repressed his urge to defend himself when he saw that it was just his little innocent baby sister, tuk, putting a bracelet on his wrist.
He blinked. "Thank you, Tuk." He smiled. He was thankful. He loved the bracelet.
"Why'd you jump?" Neteyam asked, concern evident in his voice.
"She startled me. I was daydreaming." Lo'ak shrugged. He felt uncomfortable with the attention on him. He could feel the tension he caused.
"Do you like the bracelet?" Tuk asked happily to help break the silence in the room. Lo'ak silently thanked her for that.
"Yeah. I love it." Lo'ak nodded. "It reminds me of the ocean. Where'd you find these shells? They're shaped like waves."
Kiri felt a smile creeping on. She looked over to spider sitting on the floor, who was smiling gratefully, in relief. They have been drifting apart from lo'ak. Which was quite heartbreaking for them, considering how they were all eachother had when being outcasted became too much for them.
"Me, tuk and spider went hunting for shells to make the bracelets!" Kiri headed into the conversation. If he baby brother who she had been so close to was finally talking to her and her family, she was not missing out. "We should go again tomorrow. Lo'ak, wanna come?"
Lo'ak stared. "Nah. I'm too busy. I'm gonna have to leave that to you guys." He shrugged.
"Come on, you skxawng." She groaned. She was not letting her brother go on this one. He hasn't spent time with her in ages. "You haven't hung out with us in ages!"
Guilt crossed Lo'ak's face. He shook his head and began to eat his food. "Tutee 'm ke going moe idiot." He rolled his eyes and picked up his plate to go wash up.
"No. Lo'ak, come back here." Neytiri commanded.
Lo'ak tensed up again. He hid his tail behind his legs and walked back to the table. He avoided eye-contact with his father. He could already feel his disappointed face staring into his skull.
"Yes, Eyktan." He walked over to her. But relaxed a little when remembering that she isn't him. That is his mother. She holds love for him that no one could imagine. Right?
"Why don't you go play with your siblings and spider?" Lo'ak scrunched up his face at the mention of 'and spider'. Spider was his sibling too. Neytiri placed a hand on his shoulder. "You never talk to us anymore. You are always with that tulken." His mother frowns.
"He has a name." Lo'ak shook his shoulders to get her hand off and backed away. He felt tense again. He wanted to hide. But he has nothing to shadow.
"Lo'ak." His father growled. "Don't treat your mother that way. And don't speak to her in that tone. You will never ever have the power to do that."
"Sorry, sir." Lo'ak muttered.
"No." Jake shook his head. "I have had enough of this. You cannot go to the sea, explore or any activities except your chores for a week. Then you cannot visit that damn tulken again until you learn to respect and be with this family!"
"This family, never Your family." Lo'ak muttered to himself.
"What was that?" Jake asked. Face glowering.
"Nothing, sir." Lo'ak thankfully managed to maintain the venom threatening to come out in his voice.
Before he left, neteyam held his arm.
"You okay, bro?" He asked.
"I'm fine!" He yanked his hand off. Unable to fathom the venom in his voice, it inevitably showing.
Unfortunately, he was too caught up in his anger to notice his brother's rather hurt face.