Mother loves me. Mother loves me.
That's what I always tell myself at the beginning of each training session.
Mother loves me. That's why she's doing this. So I'm ready.
Mother wants me to accomplish my destiny. She would never hurt me.
When I awoke this morning tied upside-down to a sturdy date palm, blood rushing to my head, I repeated this mantra to myself a few times, squelching down my panic before it could surface. It was a good thing I did so, too, because after another moment of looking, I saw the lions.
Large, tawny shapes slept all around me in the palm's shade, all too sleepy to notice the skinny boy trussed up like a piece of meat to the trunk, shoulder-length black hair hanging down in a tail just inches from the well-muscled thigh of the largest lion - marked as the male by his thick mane. However, if I had forgotten my training and started thrashing around, the cats would have instantly been alerted to the prey hanging above their heads.
I took only a moment to get my bearings, guessing that this was a test of some kind that Mother had set for me.
Mother had never mentioned a test last night, but that didn't mean that wasn't what this was. She liked to surprise me.
"An assassin must be ready for any situation, my child. Wild beasts, hostile enemy, or harsh land - if even one can best you, you are not worthy of the title."
With that reassurance - Mother would never throw me into something I couldn't handle - I began to consider my bonds. I had to go about this carefully. Untie the wrong knot, cut the wrong rope, and I would fall straight down right on top of the massive sleeping male. An angry lion was the last thing I wanted. They were symbols of Sekhmet, the goddess of war, for a reason.
My best course of action would be to undo the lower ropes first, then slip out of the rest and climb up the rope to the treetop, and from there to the ground.
Carefully, I felt around, trying to see if Mother had left me my knife. The blade was my most prized possession, bought by Mother when she was in an uncharacteristically good mood. She didn't normally like to buy me things; she saw it as coddling. It was the most expensive thing I had ever owned, a copper blade with a finely carved hilt inlaid with carnelian.
My scabbard was empty, and, after spying my knife embedded in a nearby tree across the oasis, I quickly dismissed my first plan of cutting the ropes. Carefully, I felt around, finding a knot and pulling at it, trying to anticipate if I would drop or not.
When I didn't immediately fall into the sleeping pride of lions, I continued working on the knot next to it. This went on simply enough for a while - if the rope appeared to be slipping, I would hastily tighten that knot and move to the next. However, if I stayed relatively in place, I would proceed to untie that knot.
I was almost ready to slip my feet out of the rope, when disaster struck.
The rope slowly, surely, had been fraying and unraveling while I had been untying the knots. Now, as I was trying to pull myself up and climb up to the tree, it snapped.
I barely had time to throw out my hands to catch myself before I landed hard on a hump of sinew, muscle, and fur - the male lion.
Immediately the large animal sprang up, throwing me to the ground and snarling, enraged. Like they had been signaled, the lionesses also awoke, growling in suspicion at me.
I stepped back, eyeing my knife sticking tantalizingly out of the tree trunk on the opposite side of the oasis. Did I have time to grab it?
My first thought: no. There wasn't even the slightest possibility of outrunning even one lion from one side of this small oasis to another.
But several of the lions appeared to be losing interest. The only one who looked invested in the idea of attacking me was the male - understandable considering I had just so rudely landed on him and woke him up.
Is it worth the risk…?
An assassin's trade is a risky trade.
However, one of the first things Mother had taught me was how to distinguish a good, calculated risk from a foolish one. Was trying to make a grab for my knife worth the risk of being mauled the moment I turned to run?
On the one hand, I would have a weapon.
On the other hand… a knife wouldn't do much good against a lion.
But it would be something…
This was my flaw, my fatal flaw - I was much too indecisive. When presented with two good options I would debate the pros and cons of each within myself. I miss vital opportunities so caught up in weighing my choices.
"Which," Mother said, "Is an admirable trait for a player in a game of senet, admirable for a captain of the Pharaoh's guard, but not for a killer, not for an assassin, and certainly not for a king. How could you accomplish anything, so focused on what could be instead of what is and what was?"
No matter how many times I had been told, the habit still followed me, landing me in trouble far too much for Mother's liking.
It would be my downfall again here. While I was deciding, the lion had clearly already made up his mind. He snarled, taking a step towards me. The snarl increased in volume to a roar.
The lion charged.
My decision had thoroughly been made for me. I turned and bolted for the palm, expecting at any moment to feel the lion's claws dig into my back.
Feeling the hot breath of the predator on my neck, I sped up my run, wrenching my knife out of the tree trunk and, without thinking, plunged the blade into the tender flesh of the lion's nose.
The lion roared in agony, shaking his head and pawing at his face.
While he was distracted, I turned and scrambled up the palm tree, using my knife to dig into the trunk to pull myself up. The moment I scrambled up into the fronds I felt relieved.
The lion snarled and paced below me, every so often charging at the tree as if hoping to knock it down. Each time this happened, I froze, preparing to run should the tree snap. Finally, the lion, with a disgruntled huff, padded back over to his wives and went back to sleep.
Blinking, unable to believe my luck, I slowly climbed down from the palm tree, keeping an eye on the lions to ensure they weren't attacking me, before setting off for home.
I had learned quickly how to navigate the desert, and soon, I spotted our small hut, nestled under a large rocky bluff that stuck out of the sand like the head of a massive animal.
"Mother!" I called as I picked my way down the slope toward the hut. "I'm home!"
My mother appeared in the doorway. "There you are, my dear," she greeted. Her smile as she beckoned for me to follow her inside showed she was in a good mood. "How did you do?"
"I… could have done better, Mother," I admitted. I despised having to admit to her I made a mistake, even a small one. An assassin had no room for mistakes.
Mother's face fell in disappointment. "Oh, son. What happened?"
"I untied the wrong knot and fell onto one of the lions. He awoke and retaliated. If I hadn't been able to get my knife…"
Mother looked at me in clear disapproval. "Child, you are far too old to make such a trivial mistake. Surely you know how childish errors can kill even a great assassin."
I braced myself, knowing what was coming.
Mother's hand struck my cheek, leaving it stinging and quickly turning numb.
"I'm sorry, Mother. It won't happen again," I apologized.
"See that it does not," Mother replied. Her eyes softened. "I'm sorry I must do this to you, my son. But you must learn. You must be ready."
I nodded, not sure if Mother wanted me to speak.
"Go practice your blade work," Mother said. "I am going to the river. We will eat when I return."
I nodded again. "Yes, Mother."
As I turned to leave, Mother caught my hand.
"Child," she whispered, eyes shining. "You know how much I love you, don't you?"
"I do, Mother," I said, feeling a surge of guilt for upsetting her.
"Remember that, child. Mother loves you. She loves you so much. That is why I must test you. Remember that."
"I remember," I replied.
"Good." She squeezed my hand in farewell, before letting go. I dipped my head and quietly exited the hut, finding a place a good distance away from the bluff, and drawing my knife.
"Hello, Pharaoh," I said to the dead, dessicated tree in front of me, imagining the face of my mother's defiler in the rough wood. "You don't know me. But I know you. I am my mother's fury and vengeance, the fruit of your crime against her. I am the son of Layla of Thebes, the maiden you spoiled and cast out. Today my blade will shine scarlet with your blood."
I lunge with my knife, imagining a gurgling cry issuing from the old king's throat, scarlet dripping onto the hot sand, and step back.
My strike was right on target, my knife buried up to the hilt in the dead wood of the ancient tree.
"My name is Kinslayer," I say with pride, imagining the twitching corpse of Pharaoh Aknamkanon at my feet. "Remember it."
That evening, I was sitting in front of the fire, eating the fish Mother had caught earlier. Mother was undoing her hair, allowing it to fall in a dark river down her back.
"Mother?" I asked her.
"Yes, child?"
"I know you have told me the story before, but… how was I born?"
Mother stiffened, and for a moment I thought she would strike me again. Then she relaxed and smiled at me. "Of course I will tell you. You must be aware of why we hate that man, after all."
I moved a little closer to her.
"Now, when I was young, hardly older than you, my child, I was hired to work as a maid in the royal court. My father was a merchant who had become deeply indebted to the Pharaoh, and so hired me out to work to repay what he owed him."
"The Pharaoh, as you already know, was already wed when I came to work at the place, to a dainty little woman named Khepri. However, his eyes turned to me not long after I arrived. He would compliment me, looking at me as if I were the picture of loveliness. I always dismissed it when he did so, as I knew he was already married. That didn't impede him at all."
My breath caught - I knew what was about to happen, but it never failed to fill me with fear and anger.
"He caught me one night when I was going back to the servants' quarters. Before I could stop him or cry for help, he dragged me into an empty room."
My fist tightened around my knife.
"I will spare you the details, my child. All you must know is, the night I stumbled out of that room, I was carrying you, though I did not realize it then."
"When my condition could no longer be hidden from the court, Pharaoh Aknamkanon ordered me cast out of the palace. When I tried to return home for aid, my father refused to look at me."
"Why not?"
"I had been released from employment. I could no longer pay back my father's debt, and had disgraced myself upon finding myself with child. So Father said I was no longer his daughter."
"What did you do?"
"By then, I was fed up with being disgraced by the Pharaoh's sin. I swore that I would avenge my tarnished honor, though I did not know how I would yet. When I bore you, though, I knew that you were my answer."
I clenched my teeth, gripping my knife so tightly the intricate carvings were branded into my skin.
"It's not fair," I said. "He was the one who did that to you. Why wasn't he punished?! It's unjust!"
"I know it is unjust, my child, but it is the law. He is Pharaoh, after all."
"I know, mother," I replied. "But he shouldn't have done that to you! He disgraced you and then threw you out!? That's not right! It's evil!"
Mother smiled. "I am touched that your heart is filled with such fury on my behalf, my son," she whispered. "But please, temper it. For now. You are not ready yet. But you will be."
"Truly, Mother?" I asked.
"Yes," she whispered. "Now go to sleep. You have much training to do tomorrow."
"Yes, Mother," I replied. I lay down on my small sleeping mat, my hand still clenched on the hilt of my knife.
"Sleep soundly, my sweet boy," Mother whispered. "Your anger will be sated soon." She looked out into the desert sky.
"Soon," she whispered, as if assuring herself.
I drifted off, watching the tapestry of stars roll past the doorway of our hut.
Soon.
That night, I dreamed.
I dreamt that I was standing in a beautifully decorated hallway, dark with a moonless night.
A figure stole past me, holding a lamp in one hand. It was a young woman no older than I was. When she turned, I recognized her - only my mother had eyes so strikingly dark, only my mother had such deep black hair, like finely carved wood, and smooth as silk.
A shadowy figure entered from behind an ornate door. Before my mother could even move, the shadow grabbed her, gagging her mouth and pulling her through that ornate door.
From inside, I heard her scream.
No one was around.
No one except me.
I could save her. I could save my mother!
I wrenched the door open, drawing my knife in preparation to kill that demon that lurked on the other side.
But as soon as I was through the door, my dream changed.
Golden light washed over me. I was lying in a bed, finer than any I had ever seen. It felt like a cloud. I stared up at a vaulted ceiling, built of ivory stone, painted with a spinning tapestry of stars.
I snuggled deeper into the fine silk, feeling warm, secure, and safe.
I looked up, and a blurry face, shrouded in shadow so I couldn't make out details, was looking down at me. They said something, their voice full of affection and pride.
I reached up, trying to grasp the stars spinning overhead, and the voice chuckled.
"Soon. Soon you will be able to reach even the heavens."
I woke up with a start, the fine silk mattress changing into my simple sleeping mat, that word still on my lips.
Soon.
I looked around, finding no sign of my mother. She must have gone to the river for water.
Feeling I had little else to do, I walked out a little way into the brush and began going over my combat forms.
The day was clear and already getting hot. I finished practicing my blade work and began focusing on agility, remembering my brush with the lion the day before. After a short time planning I had devised a course for myself. I took a nearby reed stalk and planted it in the sand, out in the sun so its shadow was clearly visible, and then placed a small stone in the sand a short distance away from the reed's shadow. The shadow, I knew, would move as the sun moved higher in the sky.
My course was simple: first, I would sprint from my starting point over to the craggy cliff face, climb about halfway up - enough to jump from there into the branches of the withered old tree I had sparred with yesterday, and jump from there to the ground and sprint back to my starting point, put a mark in the sand to show I had finished, and then repeat the exercise as many times as I could until the reed's shadow touched the pebble.
I had completed the course several times and was halfway through another when I heard the voice.
"Hey, you! Boy!"
I looked down from the cliff face to see a man standing in front of the hut. His head was shaved, and he was dressed in a finely woven and dyed tunic in bright colors, and gold earrings.
The man pointed at the ground. "Come down! I have a message to give you!"
Warily, I picked my way over to the tree, jumping from the cliff to the branches and from there to the ground, rushing over to my starting point and drawing a mark in the sand.
I looked up at the stranger, who was gaping at me in surprise. He quickly composed his expression.
"Now that you've finished… whatever in Ra's name you were doing up there-"
"Training," I interrupted.
The man shot me a confused look before he kept going. "Where are your parents, boy? Do they regularly allow you to run wild all over creation without their presence?"
"Mother knows I can handle it," I said warily.
"Where is your mother?"
"Out getting water," I said, pretty sure that was where she was.
"I see. Do you have any idea on when she will return?"
I shrugged.
The man sent me an even more askance look.
"I see. Well, it appears I must give my message to you without her here."
"What is it?"
The man straightened and cleared his throat. "I, Khnurn, messenger of the Pharaoh of Egypt, have been sent to summon all eligible young men and women to the Great City to compete for the chance to be apprenticed to a member of the Pharaoh's Sacred Court, and be named that priest's successor. I assume you have talent in magic, or else this talisman would not have led me here." He pulled out a small amulet hanging by a lace around his neck from under his robe. It was marked with the hieroglyphs for "magic" and "divining".
"I can do some," I replied. I did have the ability to do magic, and once a prophetess had pulled me aside and loudly praised my apparent level of raw power, until Mother had pulled me away.
I had practiced magic, but only spells that were useful for my mission - vanishing into and traveling through the Duat, making shadow copies of myself, neutralizing other magic, or a spell that summoned a flurry of knives. Even then, I had focused very little on it. I didn't even know what my ka was, never mind summoned it in an actual diaha - an official magic duel overseen by the Pharaoh's Court.
Was I really eligible to be a fully apprenticed court mage?
Then the thought struck me. This was my chance! I could go to the Great City, gain the Pharaoh's trust, learn about his daily habits, and find the perfect opening to avenge Mother.
A better opportunity to accomplish my destiny couldn't have come if it had been presented by the gods themselves.
Yes! Yes, yes, I want to go to the Great City with you and learn magic! Yes!
But I kept my face as composed as I could.
"A killer must divorce himself from all semblance of human kindness. He must feel nothing, and show even less."
"I will have to discuss it with my mother. She will worry if I leave without informing her."
The man looked confused again, but nodded. "This is a large decision to have you make on the spot. All competitors are gathering in the Great City by the turn of the new month. Your choice must be made by then." He dipped his head in goodbye. "I hope to see you there. Never in my journey has my talisman reacted so strongly to anyone else's magic. Your talent must be far more extraordinary than it seems."
Turning, he disappeared over the top of the nearest sand dune and was gone.
I watched the place he had gone for a long time, before turning back to my makeshift course. I had completed a total of nine more times when Mother returned.
"Mother!" I greeted.
Mother seemed to sense immediately I wanted to tell her something. "What is it, my child?"
I ran up to her.
"Mother… a messenger… arrived from the Great City… he's summoning… all boys and girls with magical talent to enter a contest to decide who will become acolytes for the Pharaoh's Sacred Court, and he said I could go!"
"Child-"
"This is my chance! I can learn about the Sacred Court and gain their trust! Pharaoh Aknamkanon would never suspect me! Please, Mother, this might be the best chance I get!"
"Child," Mother said in exasperation. "Let me finish talking before you speak. I know of this invitation. It's all the village girls are talking about at the oasis."
I fell silent.
Mother looked at me. "Come inside, and we can discuss this plan of yours."
I followed her into the hut.
"Sit down," Mother said.
I sat down opposite her on the floor.
"So, what is your idea?"
"I thought… if I could enter the contest… and if I win… I could infiltrate the court… learn how they operate… gain their trust. And then kill Aknamkanon."
"That is quite a few ifs, my child," Mother said. "You've hardly practiced magic in your life. How do you hope to defeat trained masters?"
"I know I can do it, Mother, I've been practicing!" I lied.
Well, it wasn't a lie, exactly. I was practicing my magic, but not regularly or, probably, as strenuously as the other apprentices would have.
"And you assume you can gain that old fool's trust?"
"Yes, Mother. He won't be expecting an attack from within his court."
"So you have this all planned out?"
"I do, Mother."
Mother looked thoughtful. Then a slow smile spread across her face. "That Pharaoh… will open his gates to an apprentice… and admit an assassin. What an idea. I truly have raised you well." She ruffled my hair, and I flinched in surprise. Mother hardly ever touched me affectionately. I was too old for it."When is the competition?"
"At the turn of the new month," I replied.
Mother looked sober. "That means you must leave as soon as you can to ensure you make it in time. The Great City is quite a distance from here."
"Yes, Mother. I will begin my journey in the morning."
Mother smiled and nodded. "Are you sure you will be alright on your own?"
"I will be. I remember everything you have taught me, Mother."
"Then you will leave tomorrow morning." Mother looked worried. "Child?"
"Yes, Mother?"
"You will be entering the Great City, home of the Pharaoh himself. Please, please assure me you will not forget me. Please do not forget your mission."
"I'm sorry for worrying you, Mother."
Mother shook her head and took my hands.
"No. I knew this time would come. I knew it since you were born." She composed herself. "For now, I assume you want to prepare."
"Yes, Mother," I replied.