When we are in bed chatting before to sleep, he scares me again and this time I cannot pretend not to see there is a real problem.
Out of the blue he asks:
'Why did we never marry?'
My breath is taken away. In a normal situation I would treat it like a joke but after the last episodes I'm on the lookout and cannot carry on keeping my eyes close on what I would prefer not to see.
'Pardon?!' I stammer.
He repeats the question quite seriously, too seriously. He is definitely not in jest. I decide to answer with a question to test the waters.
'Why do you think?'
He laughs 'Because I'm a prat and I never realised how wonderful you are' he says putting an arm around my neck 'But we are still on time to mend the mistake. You can marry me now'
This kind of jokes used to be common by his side in the past, but now it's different. And I need to proceed slowly. He seems in a very strong form of denial and I' don't know how wise may be to undo it.
'No Harry. I can't, I'm already married you know...'
He stares hard at me and blink in surprise but then he relaxes and sighs disappointed 'Ah yeah… Ron… I forgot'
Forgot?! It's almost twenty years I'm married to Ron and up to three years ago he was his best mate! How can you forget something like that?!
He takes a desolate expression and I see him in deep consideration.
'You should divorce him and marry me, so you won't need to go away' he mutters.
'You won't go away, will you? You will marry me and stay here, will you?' he said anxious.
I gulp. Again, I'm speechless. It's the time to take another step.
'Harry, there is another reason why we never married'
'What reason?'
'You don't love me'
'Of course, I love you' he says smirking and holding me even tighter. This sentence in another context wouldn't have failed to give me a blush or at least some smugness but right now it only gives me creeps. I free myself from his embrace gently.
'No Harry, you love me as you love a friend, but you are not in love with me as with a lover. There was another reason why you didn't marry me. Don't you remember?'
He smiles and shake his head shrugging his shoulders.
'Make an effort' I encourage him getting rather agitated, panic getting holds of me steadily 'Are you sure you don't remember? A person maybe…' I say the last sentence hesitantly, under my voice.
'If I don't remember it means it wasn't important'
Or maybe it was too important. My god. His mind had entirely erased Ginny! That's why he has been so well lately, perhaps it had started already way before yesterday. This is not healthy; this is really frightening actually. More frightening than outburst of rage.
I need to speak to Ted as soon as it may be. Is it wise to try to bring him back to reality? Shall I try?
With much hesitation, scared to discover the real extent of the issue, I pose him a very simple question.
'Harry, how old are you?'
He laughs arching an eyebrow 'Why are you asking me that?'
'Answer me…' I press on stern.
He shrugs his shoulders, then tries to embrace me again, but I stop him keeping his forearms in my grasp far from me.
'What is the name of your kids?'
'My kids? What kids?' Still chuckling he tries to free himself while my heart is pumping with terror.
'Harry be quiet and listen to me. Does the name Albus means anything to you?'
'Yep. It's our headmaster, remember?' he says glaring at me like if I was a bit dumb.
It doesn't escape me that he used the present and not the past.
'And James? Does the name James mean anything to you?'
His laugh gets a bit uneasy; he shrugs off my hands and fold his arms on his chest slightly vexed.
'Hermione, drop it. He was my dad. Of course, it means something to me.'
'And… Lily?' I ask with hesitation, finding difficult to keep asking questions that are unrevealing something much more complicated and scarier than what I was prepared to handle.
His smile vanishes.
'You know very well. She was my mum… Why are you doing this to me?'
But I cannot stop, I need to get to the bottom of it.
'Only your mum? Nobody else?'
Now he frowns, angry 'Why are you asking me all this questions? Leave me alone.'
'And Sunrise? does it mean anything to you the name Siry?'
He shakes his head distressed, his brows knitting together 'I said leave me alone!' he murmurs darkly 'Now I want to sleep' he says harsh 'You are going to let me sleep.' And I can detect a threat in his voice. He crouches under the duvet covering almost completely his head.
My courage fails on the verge of asking the last question.

A few moments later the light is off, but my eyes are still wide open, and so they will stay, impossible to close them as I've always done before this moment. How could I be so stupid as not to realise this before? Now, with my eyes open in the darkness, I see all what I purposely decided not to see up to now.
While I'm reflecting about the seriousness of a situation for which I haven't got the flimsiest of tools to handle it, a whisper come to me.
'Hermione?'
'Yes, Harry?'
I hear a rustling as he turns toward me.
'There is something I forgot, isn't it?'
I bite my lips unsure. I don't know how to behave nor what to tell.
'Yes, Harry' I admit cautiously.
A long pause ensued 'More than one thing, perhaps…'
I sigh, it's not a question addressed to me, but a sentence addressed to himself.
'And it's something important…' he continues.
I spun toward him, and I look for his hand under the duvet, I squeeze it tightly.
'Hermione?'
'Yes?' I answer try not to let him perceive from my tone of voice the tears that are clouding my eyes.
'How old am I?'
I need to get a big breath and push them back before to be able to reply composedly without choking on my words.
'Thirty-eight'
A long silence follows this affirmation and when I think no answer will come, it arrives in a fearful whisper 'Am I going insane?'
I leave his hand and I encircle his limp body, that let itself be hold helplessly, with my arms.
'No, you are not. I believe you are only protecting yourself'
'From what?'
Better not to let him find it out for the moment, let's him live peacefully and serenely in his denial a bit longer because when it will break… My god… I feel sick already.
'Sleep now. Don't think about it anymore' I say soothingly caressing his head and I keep him in a tight reassuring hug until I feel his breathing getting heavier. Only then I slip carefully out of the bed.
I need to call Ted.