And now… Fillmore.
Today's episode: Red Robins Don't Fly
Act 1: To Protect and Observe
Ed Nygma was expecting another average day in his class. Unfortunately, his classmate, Jenna, lowered his grin with a cheerful announcement followed by her passing around pink flyers.
"It's time for my bimonthly Jenna Jam, everyone. This month's theme: fondue. Dippy. What a trippy." She stopped with the flyers when she went to Ingrid. "Oh, Ingrid. I'm so sorry about not being able to invite you to my party. But the thing is, you're too new."
"Too new?" Ingrid asked.
"Yes. Drat it all. X gets so much turnover, that long ago, I instituted a seniority system." Jenna turned to Ed. "And since you're new too, Ed, I can't invite you too. This time around, it's Jamie's turn."
"Me?" asked the kid sitting behind Ingrid. "Really? Oh, golly! I just want to thank everyone for this opportunity! My parents, Principal Folsom, my charm tutor, and mostly you, Jenna. What a trippy. What a trippy indeed."
"This stinks, huh?" Ingrid asked the student sitting next to her.
"Not really." Ed said. "I wasn't going to go anyway."
"You got something better to do?" Ingrid asked.
"Nope."
"Then why not?"
"Riddle me this: What is everyone compared to the smartest person in the world?"
Ingrid thought for a second before finding the answer. "Stupid?"
"Yes. And a party about fondue is stupid enough." Ed said. "Why would I ever celebrate that?"
"It's not the theme that bothers me, Ed. It's being included." Ingrid said. "I've felt outside looking in just for being new."
"You're part of the Safety Patrol and you're proud of it." Ed said. "What more could you want? Speaking of which, just a head's up, Vallejo invited me to join you guys at today's briefing."
"He did? Why?"
"Guess I'll find out when I get there."
"Oh… my… goodness!" Ed said trying hard to hold back his laughter. His eyes were glued to the duck-shaped walkie-talkies in Fillmore's hands.
"Check it, Ingrid. Our replacement talkies."
"What happened to the old ones?" Ed asked after successfully holding everything in.
"A perp chase last week left mine a little waterlogged." Ingrid said. "And now, we're stuck with these things."
"Not for long." Fillmore said. He reached under his desk and presented a magazine with two advanced walkie-talkies displayed on the front cover. "Check these out. The Chatmaster 3000. Top of the line."
"Nice." Ingrid said. "Vallejo asked for the price tag yet?"
"Leave everything to me." Fillmore said.
"What are you going to do?" Ed asked.
"Just watch."
"Hey, Fillmore," Vallejo called, "If you, Officer Third, and Mr. Nygma are through picking out curtains, I'd appreciate your attention. We got a briefing."
Vallejo entered the briefing room and pulled down the projection screen, but when he turned around, he was surprised to find Fillmore standing just an inch away from him.
"Sorry, man. I was coming up to…" Fillmore stopped dropping a poker card. "Hey, Vallejo, is this your card?"
"My what?" Vallejo asked picking up the card. When he turned back around, the projector screen was about to fall on him, but Fillmore stopped it. "Whoa! Fillmore. Nice catch. Thank you."
"Listen, man, ain't no thing but a chicken on a string." Fillmore responded.
"Huh?"
"Exactly. You okay?"
"Uh… Yeah." Vallejo answered reaching the point of confusion.
"Oh, and could you sign this communications report?" Fillmore asked passing a clipboard and paper for his chief to sign. Vallejo signed it still trying to process everything that just happened in the past ten seconds. He had no idea what he was really signing. "Cool. Break away, baby."
After getting the signature he needed, Fillmore returned to Ingrid and Ed who were very impressed with his trick. Once he was back on straight, Vallejo proceeded to start the meeting as soon as the last Safety Patroller entered the briefing room.
When the lights went out, the projector showed the picture of five girls wearing red berets, blue shirts, red skirts, and sashes.
"This is the X Middle School chapter of the Red Robins, the number one ranking taffy sellers in the entire country." Vallejo introduced. "We've known that the Robins' success wasn't exactly legit. We've been after them for years for pushing out other clubs, snatching their candy, and dumping it. But we could never get the evidence."
Vallejo pressed on his remote to show the next slide. The picture showed a blue blanket covering a large, square box. The blanket was covered in water plants.
"Then, last week, a large set of Band Candy was pulled out of the drink last week. We thought we finally had them until we figured out that candy was old. Ten years at least. Ditched by Red Robins who are long gone from X. But some of the current Robins have been heard making some 'braggadocios noise'. Seems they got a system that'll keep them from getting caught. They got some way to stash evidence so it never shows up again like that Band Candy did. Word on the street is a secret vault exists that will help put them away. O'Farrell, hit the lights."
After the lights came back on, the projector turned off and Vallejo continued his presentation.
"Listen, I need someone to go undercover as a Red Robin and find that vault. Ladies?"
"Can't be me." Tehama said. "They already know me from my beat in jay-building."
"I'm out." Said a girl in braces. "I can't go near taffy."
"I can't go either." Renee said. "Those Red Robin meetings clash with my schedule that my mom made for me. And trust me, you don't want to make her mad."
"I'll do it." Ingrid volunteered.
"Sorry, Third, but you don't have enough experience in undercover work." Vallejo said. "It could get hairy out there."
"Well, how can she gain experience if she's not out there?" Ed asked.
"Ed's right, Vallejo." Fillmore said. "Ingrid's new, but she's good. Trust me. She can do it."
"No other volunteers?" Vallejo asked. "Put your hand down, O'Farrell."
O'Farrell was already in a Red Robin uniform wearing a blonde wig. "But I already got the outfit. So what am I supposed to do with this wig?"
"Lots of things." Vallejo answered shamefully. "You sure you're up for this, Ingrid?"
"Yeah." Ingrid assured.
"Well, if that's the case, meeting adjourned." Vallejo said. "Except you, Nygma. I want a word with you."
"Um, okay." Ed said. He waited until everyone else left the briefing room and it was just him and the chief. "What's up, Vallejo?"
"I'm sure you're wondering why I asked you to join us in a Safety Patrol meeting." Vallejo said. "You probably guessed it, but I may need you in the Red Robins case."
"Why me?" Ed asked. "I wouldn't be caught dead associated with their organization. And for some reason, the word 'Robin' irritates me."
"This is serious, Ed." Vallejo said. "I need you to keep an eye on Ingrid while she's undercover."
"What?" Ed asked. "You want me to spy on her? Why her?"
"It's not just her. I would've asked you to keep an eye on any other girl who'd volunteer. The thing is, I dealt with the Red Robins before. They're craftier than I gave them credit for. If anything goes wrong, it wouldn't hurt if Ingrid had a safety net. And since you're not part of the force, no one will be onto you."
"I don't know, Vallejo. This sounds very risky."
"So does sending Ingrid into territory she's unfamiliar with. Come on, Ed. You gotta help."
Ed sighed. "All right. I'll see what I can do."
Ed snuck onto the playground to follow Ingrid. He wore different clothes than usual so he wouldn't be recognized, but since Ingrid is known for having a photographic memory, he had to be extra careful to hide his face from her.
He waited until Ingrid made his move to the swingset where four of the Red Robins were lounging. She wore the same type of uniform they were wearing. She then cleared her throat to get her attention.
"Beat it, kid." Said one of the Red Robins, the one with the pigtails. "Swingset's booked."
"I was told to speak to Melba." Ingrid said. "I'm a transfer from a Red Robins group across town."
"What troupe?" Melba asked.
"Local 769 Midtown."
"Sounds legit." Another Red Robin with black hair said. "But if you're from Midtown, then perhaps you can tell us the entire list of ingredients for our number one selling taffy. From memory."
Ingrid smiled as this was her specialty. From afar, Ed, who was listening in, also smiled. Ingrid went on naming an entire list of ingredients catching the girls by surprise. When Ingrid was over, the real Red Robins nodded in approval before the black-haired Red Robin stepped up.
"Good work. Better than I thought. I'm Rosa Hunt. You already know Melba, and the twins are Sinead and Fionula. Come with us, and we'll take you to our troop leader, Malika. She gets the final say."
Ed followed the girls from far behind until they reached a shed in the middle of the woods. Ed stopped as he watched them go inside.
"Well, there's nothing I can do." Ed said to himself. "If I go any closer, they'll see me. I guess I'll just have to wait."
And wait, he did. Shortly after Ingrid left the shed, she did so with all the Red Robins, including their leader, Malika. She brought everyone into the city where Ed followed them. He stopped when they reached a restaurant with a marquee that read "Candi Joe's Pioneer Lasses Pancake Breakfast". Ed hid himself behind a building corner to avoid being seen, but he could hear Malika's instructions to Ingrid.
"The Pioneer Lasses, American J-Birds, and Junior Rose Society are always trying to muscle their way into our territory. They don't understand how totally C-list they are. So it's up to us to show them. People should not be wasting their time on pioneer pancakes." Malika gave Ingrid a long tool that allowed her to reach up to the marquee. "Anagram it and mess it up good."
Ingrid accepted the tool and used it to rearrange the letters on the marquee. When she was done, Malika smiled in impressed approval.
"Ingrid, where have you been all our lives?" she asked.
"Around." Ingrid answered.
"Well, now, you're in." Malika said. "Congratulations."
"Congrats all around, girls," Rosa said looking ahead, "But those pioneer pests are coming."
"Then let's get going." Malika said quickly guiding the Red Robins away.
As soon as they disappeared, Ed watched as the Pioneer Lasses returned to their restaurant and scream in absolute terror. They sobbed miserably while Ed read the new sentence on the marquee.
"'Pioneer Lasses freaks bake tan caps'." Ed read aloud before quietly chuckling. "Not that I approve, but you can't deny her creativity."