Cornflower Fields POV- District Ten, 17
My foot landed on a crack in the ground and I felt it press against my skin. Immediately I tapped the other foot against the crack, and I stepped on it twice more with both feet.
Why did I do that?
I'd always done it like that. It seemed wrong to do anything unevenly. If I stepped on a crack with just one foot, the other would feel back. It was the same reason I tapped all my fingers against my thumb if one happened to brush against it.
I tried to let the thought fade and got back to my work. Every day it was the same: I got up, ate breakfast at 7:00, fed the chickens two scoops of mash and the cows one bucket of grain, ate lunch at 12:00, tended the garden after lunch, took a bath if it was a Wednesday or a Saturday, and put the laundry out to dry. After that I could do whatever I wanted. Mostly I read in my room or by the hay bales.
I was just sitting on my bed when the old fear flared up. My chest clenched and I pressed my face into my pillow, trying to ward off the shapeless worry.
I did my homework. I did my homework, I recited in my head. I didn't have any homework, since it was summer, but it was the only thing that made the fear retreat.
Ma didn't usually try to make me play outside with the other District children anymore. It was so big and open outside of our farm. There was nowhere to hide when they looked at me. They thought I didn't like them since I didn't look at their faces and I didn't start conversations. I didn't like playing the chasing games either, since I had to touch people to tag them. People are so clammy and intense when you touch them. I didn't even really like hugging Ma, but she did it carefully and warned me before she tried. It all seemed like too much at the moment, and I decided to stay in my room.
"Cornflower," Ma called from the kitchen. I stepped across the floor with my eyes on the ground, making sure not to step on the cracks.
"Have you seen my cookbook? I was going to make molasses cakes," she said when I was done.
"No, but I know the recipe," I said. "Two cups of flour, a quarter cup of molasses, a pinch of salt, four tablespoons of butter, a teaspoon of baking powder, and a cup of milk. If you don't have baking soda you can use powder, since it has baking soda in it. You cannot use baking soda if you're supposed to use powder, though. Baking powder is baking soda has two acids in it so baking powder breads, such as biscuits, rise more slowly than baking soda breads."
"Fascinating," Ma said. I don't think she's as interested in my facts as I am. She also doesn't listen too much when I talk about the history of flight or the different parts of flowers- but not yellow ones because I hate yellow. I went back to my room and read some more.
My room was small and I liked to close the door and be away from the world. When things got really scary I hid under my blankets and pretended there was no outside. I tapped the wall and whispered old nursery rhymes.
"Rich man, poor man, beggar man, thief. Doctor, lawyer, Indian chief." I wrapped my arms around my knees and tapped my head against the wall with each beat, and everything seemed right. I'd be happy if it was always like this. Nothing needs to change. I can be alone with Ma forever and do the same things every day forever. That would be perfect.
Cornflower was seventeen in the Games, but this chapter is all over her childhood. Since her Games are fully chronicled in my other stories, I wrote about her life before. She's my avatar, and I started writing fanfiction so I could express what it's like having Autism. I make sure to tell people she's totally an author insert because it holds me accountable so I can't make her overpowered or a spotlight hog.