On the USS Nemo, Mon entered the conference room to meet up with all of his officers. "What do you got for me?"
"A supernova remnant," Imra said, hoping the sight would distract the Insane for as long as possible.
"Okay, what else?" Mon asked unimpressed.
"A cluster of three neutron stars, very unusual, very exciting," Imra said with false sincerity.
"Stone-cold dead stars," Eltro rolled his eyes.
"Anything else?" Mon asked impatiently.
"There is one other thing we could swing by to take a look. How about an M-class planet with five hundred million humanoids? A whole civilization down there," Eltro smiled.
Mon eyed the Earth-like planet and then turned to Imra. "You should have put that one on the top of the list," he scolded. "Insane! Prepare for glory!"
The Nemo arrived at the unsuspecting M-class planet. "Put us into orbit at 500 kilometers above the surface," Mon ordered Dax.
"I'm not picking up any ships or satellites," Ol reported.
"I'm detecting dozens of cities on each continent," Laurel reported.
"No EM transmissions," Imra reported.
"Take a closer look," Mon ordered his officers. The bridge crew officers saw numerous photographs of the surface below showing a preindustrial society.
"Let's get down there and make some noise," Eltro said enthusiastically.
"We don't know how our arrival may influence the future progression of their society," Imra pointed out. "Our sensors can learn a great deal from orbit."
"Zoom in far enough so I can see their faces," Mon ordered Laurel.
The viewscreen zoomed in on a random street and saw a man and a woman talking to each other. The humanoids looked exactly human except for small ridges on either side of their foreheads. "They look similar enough to us," Mon judged.
"You will be immediately detected as outsiders," Imra warned.
"Yeah, I don't give a shit. We could have sent out Hermes probes if all we wanted to do was take pictures. As the great human conquerer, Julius Caesar said, 'I saw, I conquered, I came'," Mon misquoted.
"Hooah!" his Insane officers shouted.
Still, Mon did his due diligence before his conquest. "Communications?" he asked Laurel.
"I'm detecting dozens of different languages. It will take some time to create a translator matrix for all of them," she said.
"Once we establish a landing site, the language will be narrowed down a bit," Mon figured.
"The name of their species is the Akaali," Laurel said helpfully.
In his quarters, Mon had a meeting with Imra. "This landing site is sparsely populated, an ideal spot to recon."
"Did you put us in the middle of a cornfield?" Mon asked suspiciously.
"Captain, I have your masks," Brainiac 5 radioed.
"I'll be right there," Mon said and then departed to Sickbay.
In Sickbay, Brainiac 5 placed a hologram mask over Laurel's face. "It itches," she complained.
"Don't touch it," Brainiac 5 instructed her.
"Is this really going to work?" Mon asked skeptically.
"So long as the locals don't look too closely," Brainiac 5 said.
"Am I really fit to be on this landing party?" Laurel asked apprehensively.
"If the translator goes down, we'll need you to improvise. Also, female Insane have just as much a right to conquer and pillage as males. Remember that every alien male or female is still beneath any Insane female," Mon assured her.
"Captain, I have found something curious," Imra radioed.
An impatient disgruntled Mon entered the bridge with Laurel. "What's the problem now?"
"I'm detecting neutrino emissions from a city on the eastern continent, possibly an anti-matter reactor," Imra said.
"We're talking about a race that takes a shit in a bucket," Eltro said confused.
"Maybe some of them are more advanced than others," Laurel suggested.
"More likely some other asshole got here first. Scan for non-indigenous bio signs," Mon ordered Imra.
"I'm not reading any but at this range, I can't be certain," Imra reported.
"Well, it looks like we need to hunt down this alien son-of-a-bitch before we conquer this world. Let's move out," Mon ordered.
An Atlass-class shuttle exited from the Nemo and landed on the eastern continent. Mon, Eltro, Laurel, and Imra were onboard wearing Akaali clothing that resembled that of a typical gypsy. "These shoes suck. I'd rather wear my Insane boots," Eltro complained.
"Identification papers. Everyone has to have them on them at all times," Laurel told him.
"That sounds like fascism," Eltro noted.
The shuttle landed in a forest area outside the city at night.
The four of them scouted out the city looking for the asshole with the anti-matter reactor. As they did, they couldn't help but notice some of the people were suffering from the plague. Mon and Eltro got to the building first and found it locked. "Open it," Mon ordered.
Eltro kicked the door open and the two went inside. The two scanned the antique shop and found the reactor behind a door protected by a forcefield. "Disable it," Mon ordered Eltro.
They then noticed a female Akaali with a crossbow behind them. "Who are you? What did you do to that door?" she demanded.
"I kicked the door open, honest," Eltro said honestly.
"I want to know what you're doing here," she continued.
"You don't need to point that weapon at us. If you shoot, it won't affect us and we will beat your ass," Mon told her. "You see, we're collectors...of planets."
"I know all about your evening deliveries," she accused. "People are getting sick, dying, because of what's going on behind that door."
The woman suddenly fell to the floor as Imra put her to sleep. "Thank you but unnecessary," Mon said to her. "The reactor is behind this door. However, this female has told us something interesting. We'll wait until dawn."
The next morning, Mon waited for the Akaali woman named Riaan to finally wake up. "What did you do to me?" she asked as she got up.
"Nothing," Mon said truthfully. "My colleague put you to sleep."
"Why did you bring me back here? Are you working for Garos?" Riaan asked.
"He owns the antique shop, I gather," Mon assumed. "Let's make something clear. I only work for myself. Now, this is where you thank me for ensuring you got home in one piece."
"If you don't work for him, what were you doing in there?" Riaan asked confused.
"Beyond that door is an anti-matter reactor that is leaking radiation, energy particles that are making your people sick. I'm here to investigate and to kick ass on evildoers," Mon told her.
"Where are you from?" she asked.
"I'm Insane...from Earth," Mon said.
"What is your name, Insane man?" Riaan asked.
"Mon-El, Prince of all Insane," Mon replied. "Now, you can either sit tight for a while or I can tie you to the bed. If you try to escape, I will find you again. Go ahead and do it. It makes the chase that much more interesting."
Mon then left like a boss leaving the Akaali woman deeply confused.
Soon thereafter, Mon and Eltro entered the antique shop and met up with Garos. "Welcome, gentlemen. If I don't have what you're looking for, I'll find someone who does," he said to them. "So...how can I help you? You looking for something in particular?"
"Tell the bitch to leave," Eltro ordered him.
Garos smiled nervously and then sent his female servant away. "What is this about?" he asked as Mon and Eltro cornered him.
"You're not from around here," Mon sensed.
"Neither are you," Garos gathered. "Who are you?"
"I am Mon-El, prince of all Insane," Mon told him.
"An Insane? Never heard of them," Garos shrugged.
"We detected the radiation from your reactor," Eltro informed him.
"Now, what the fuck are you doing here?" Mon asked.
"I'm an explorer from the Moron system. I was part of a survey mission to study the Akaali. After two years, I was quite taken with these people, so I decided to stay," he explained.
"What's with the reactor?" Mon questioned
"There's nothing nefarious about it. It allows me to replicate food and clothing," Garos said.
"Your reactor is leaking radiation that is getting these people sick," Mon accused.
"It's an indigenous virus. It has nothing to do with me," Garos excused.
"That sounds like bullshit. I want to take a look at this reactor," Mon ordered.
"Perhaps some other time," Garos refused.
Mon punched him to the gut dropping him to his knees and then smacked him to the back of the head to knock him out. "Put him in the closet and then close the shop," he ordered Eltro.
"Fuck me," Eltro muttered.
Mon went back to the safe house and met up with Imra and the Akaali woman. "This is Imra Ardeen, a Titan," Mon introduced. "She's a telepath. So, you're going to tell me everything you know, or she'll just take it from you."
"I can't tell you much. People are dying and I can't determine why. I learned of the epidemic eighteen months ago. My brother was one of the earliest victims. At first, I thought it was an airborne contagion but it never spread outside the city. I sampled the water, the soil, and I didn't find anything out of the ordinary. I have a map of the victims from only a month after Garos arrived," Riaan said.
"You said something about evening deliveries," Mon questioned.
"Every few nights, people come to his shop and take crates away," she said.
"What is this?" Mon asked of a drink she was giving to him.
"Tea," she said simply.
"Mon," Imra called over.
"Is it poisoned?" Mon asked concernedly.
"No," Imra rolled her eyes.
"You wouldn't tell me if it was, would you?" Mon asked paranoid.
"I'm taking my samples back to the ship for further analysis. I advise against staying here too long. It could cause cultural contamination," Imra warned.
"Good thing I don't give a shit about that," Mon told her off.
"You should just shut down the reactor," Imra advised.
"Not until I know who is making these shipments. There could be other alien assholes on this world," Mon rejected.
"Enjoy your tea," Imra smirked and then walked out. Mon gave her an odd look now wondering if the tea really was poisoned.
That evening, Mon and Riaan did a stakeout at the shop. "You know, talking to you is like talking to my dog."
"I love dogs," Riaan smiled.
Mon immediately fell in love with her and began to make out with her. Their make-out session was interrupted by a man picking up crates and putting them in his wagon. Mon and Riaan followed the man into the forest. He took out a communicator and started talking in an alien language. He then left the scene. A shuttle then arrived and used a tractor beam on the crates to lift them inside. The shuttle then took off.
"I have never seen anything like that," Riaan said wide-eyed.
"Stay here," Mon told her.
The delivery man fired a laser pistol on them both. Mon quickly beat the man down but he wasn't giving up. After a good fight, Mon ripped his face off. Still, the man persisted. Mon then fired a beam through his chest. Mon quickly looked over the body and looted him. Underneath his humanoid skin were reptilian scales.
"Well...shit," Mon said as he realized the situation had escalated.
Mon and Riaan came back to her place. "Why are you even here?" she asked confused.
"To conquer your world," Mon said bluntly.
"But why? We're so backward compared to you," Riaan remarked.
"That's true but your planet does have abundant resources for resettlement," Mon said.
"For other people like you?" Riaan asked.
"No, humans and drones mostly," Mon said.
The two went over to Garos' shop. "Is he still sleeping?" Mon asked Eltro.
"Yep. Bored as fuck here," Eltro said displeased.
"This is where the fun begins," Mon said and then placed his hand on the forcefield leading to the reactor. The forefield resisted his hand for a moment and then Mon overloaded it with his power. He then blasted the metal door away. Inside Garos' creepy basement, Mon found the anti-matter reactor humming along. However, he then saw through a window a large mine filled with reptilian aliens.
Mon then eyed the computer console. "Well, it's either the blue or the yellow button that shuts this down. If we choose the wrong button, half the town could get annihilated."
"Blue?" Riaan shrugged.
Mon pushed the blue button and immediately the doors locked on them while the alarms went off. Mon quickly pushed the yellow button alternative without result. "Well...shit."
On the Nemo, Imra was on the bridge. "A ship is approaching," Dax reported.
"Multiple weapon platforms. They are armed to the teeth," Ol smiled.
"Cloak us," Imra ordered.
The Insane bridge crew gave a disappointed look but then cloaked the ship. "Do not worry. We will still fight," Imra assured them. "Fire torpedoes." The Nemo decloaked for a second and fired torpedoes and then went back to cloak. The torpedoes hit the Moron ship but were blocked by the shields.
"Their shields are holding," Ol reported.
Mon eyed the console in frustration. "Fuck it," he said finally and blasted the consoles to nothing. He then took Riaan over to the reactor. "This is going to feel weird," he warned her. He then instantly teleported himself, Riaan, and the reactor to the Nemo. Mon then teleported outside the ship into space. He fired on the Moron ship completely destroying it in a fireball explosion. Mon then teleported back to the surface where he engaged with two disguised Morons in a firefight. Mon didn't bother to take cover as their laser pistols had no effect on him. He vaporized both of them and then went inside the shop.
"What do we do with him?" Eltro asked of Garus.
Mon vaporized him on the floor. "Let's go into the mine. Try to keep up with my kill count," he ordered.
"Yes, Sir," Eltro smiled.
The two went into the mine and killed every Moron they could find until it was all clear.
Afterward, Riaan was invited to an officer's meeting on what to do next. "Conquering this planet would be equivalent to clubbing baby seals. No challenge at all," Eltro said.
"Indeed, even Laurel could conquer this world," Ol agreed.
"What the fuck, guys? Five hundred million people of diverse languages and cultures are going to be tough to govern all by myself," Laurel said.
"Still here," Riaan said awkwardly.
"The Akaali people outnumber Homo Sapiens. Perhaps, your capital should be moved here," Imra said smartly.
"The Prime Directive is to convert heathens to the one true faith. Missionary activity can begin immediately," Brainiac 5 said.
"What is the one truth faith?" Riaan asked curiously.
"God was angry at two humans for eating an apple so he cursed them with mortality and exiled them in the wilderness. Then, to placate God's wrath for this incident, the Son of God had to die horrifically at the hands of said humans so that some of those humans could get an afterlife," Mon summarized.
"What the fuck?" Riaan mouthed
"Leave the apologetics to me, Mon," Brainiac 5 said condescendingly.
"Akaali will accept missionaries, trade, and drones without restriction. My drones will extract raw materials from the planet and build factories immediately. Those who enlist in the system will be guaranteed a minimum resource allocation, universal healthcare, education, housing, and vacation time. The economy, so to speak, will be run entirely by me and will be outside the political sphere," Brainiac 5 told Riaan.
"Even if I did agree with this, I don't have the authority...," Riaan objected.
"You're now the governor of this world," Mon appointed.
"If you're going to make me governor of the entire planet, I'm going to make it a matriarchy," Riaan said ambitiously.
"I don't give a shit," Mon said honestly.
"In return for your planet's compliance, they will be under the protection of Earth's military forces and the Vindicator Corps. The Morons will never threaten you again," Brainiac 5 assured Riaan.
"And if my planet says no to this?" Riaan asked anxiously.
"Then, we'll have no choice but to club baby seals," Mon told her.
Soon thereafter, the Galactic Federation fleet arrived with a drone army to begin work. The major cities began to become modernized with electricity, indoor plumbing, hospitals, and modern vehicles. The more rural areas were permitted to keep their Renaissance-style lifestyle. In the capital city of Akaali, a large military parade was assembled. As Apollo fighters zoomed overhead, a large drone army marched through the street. On either side of the street were thousands of curious Akaali citizens waving Imperial flags. In front of the large military parade was the Nemo officer bridge crew. The parade stopped at the foot of the Akaali castle palace where the previous government had done business.
Mon walked up the steps of the castle until he came to the entrance where Riaan and an Akaali delegation were present. He carried with him an Imperial flag. He then handed the flag over to Riaan as a transfer of power from him to her. "Peace!" Riaan shouted to her people as she held the Imperial flag.