On the USS Nemo, Ol was called into Mon's quarters for an unknown reason. The Poseidon-class submarine was on its second season voyage, ready to kick ass on an unsuspecting galaxy. Ol came in looking a bit anxious. He had never been invited to Mon's quarters for a meal and figured he was about to be chewed out, fired, or killed.
The two sat down for a glass of OJ while they waited for a crewman to deliver their breakfast. Mon proceeded to spike both of their drinks with vodka. "You all shook up, Ol? Do I make you nervous?" Mon asked, noticing his demeanor.
"No, Sir. Just didn't know whether you called me here to discuss something," Ol said apprehensively.
"So, I got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that we can add the Caitians to the list of subjugated planets to the Galactic Federation," Mon began.
"Nice," Ol smiled.
"The bad news is that it required my wife to dress up like a humanoid cat and defile herself with them," Mon said annoyed.
"Sir...what the fuck?" Ol asked dismayed.
A crewmember then came in and delivered their plates. "I had my junior enlisted fight it out for the honor of being the NCOIC of the armory. It's a formality, but I need you to approve the winner," Ol said, handing Mon a datapad.
Mon signed the datapad and gave it back to him. He then got a call from Imra on the bridge. "We've detected an uncharted system along our present course, an M-class planet."
"Take us out of warp," Mon ordered.
Mon and Ol then finished their breakfast, taking as long as they wished while the bridge crew waited for them.
The Nemo arrived at the uncharted planet. It had green continents, blue oceans, and an Earth-like atmosphere with clouds. Mon arrived on the bridge fashionably late. "Who is our next victim?" he asked Imra.
"The planet is uninhabited," Imra said flatly.
"Why the fuck are we even here then?" Mon asked annoyed.
"It does feature some interesting geological features. There's a string of volcanos across an entire hemisphere," Imra brought up.
"One of those volcanos better be erupting," Mon said to her. "Dax, put us in low orbit and prep the shuttle."
Suddenly, the Nemo was hit by something, causing sparks to fly all over the bridge. The Nemo was severely damaged on its left side. The hull had been breached and debris was now being sucked out into space.
"Report," Mon ordered.
"Thermal damage and breaches to the outer hull," Ol reported.
"Bridge to Sickbay, we need a medic," Imra radioed after seeing Laurel's prone condition.
"Emergency bulkheads?" Mon asked.
"They're in place but decompressed. Anyone still inside is fucked," Ol said.
"What the fuck happened to my ship?" Mon asked outraged.
"Sensor logs don't show anything," Ol shook his head.
"Engineering, the fuck?" Mon demanded.
"No idea. I got plasma fires down here, but the point of impact wasn't in the engine room," Eltro reported.
"Casualty reports?" Mon asked.
"Seventeen so far including Laurel, no reported fatalities yet," Ol said.
In Sickbay, Brainiac 5 was swarmed with patients. He directed crewmen to place patients in different spots based on their condition. Laurel's unconscious body was dragged into the room by a crewmember. On the bridge, Mon, Ol, and Dax continued to investigate what had happened. "Give me a visual of the hit," Mon ordered Dax.
The camera showed the damage to the hull and an object fluctuating on the surface of the hull. "I don't sense any life signs," Imra reported.
"It's a mine. Its firepower can cause 36 percent damage to the hull. The last hit must have been a glancing blow. If the second one detonates, with the damage we've already sustained, we're in deep shit," Ol said.
"Is it still active?" Mon asked.
"No reason to believe it's not," Ol said wide-eyed.
"Piece of shit," Mon said of the mine. "Can we tear off the adjacent plating?"
"We don't know if that would trigger it. I have to go out there and defuse it," Ol said seriously.
"You don't have permission to die," Mon informed him as he left the bridge. He then turned to Imra. "I've never been in a minefield with only two mines. They must be cloaked."
"A safe assumption," Imra agreed.
Ol got into a spacesuit and walked on the outer hull toward the mine. The mine was a mechanical sphere and was locked onto the hull with magnetic spikes. Ol gave a play-by-play as he worked on the mine. Eltro arrived on the bridge looking dirtied up. "How bad is it?" Mon asked.
"Can't know for sure until we get into the decompressed areas," Eltro said. "I did a head count though. We didn't lose anyone."
"I'm not entirely sure Ol can defuse this thing. I want you to detach the hull plating so this mine just drifts away," Mon ordered.
"Sure, it would take a few hours," Eltro said as he gave it deep thought.
"Get a team started," Mon ordered.
Outside, Ol removed a panel and now had access to the mine's inner circuitry. "Holy shit, there's a ship decloaking."
"We see it, Ol. Keep your cool," Mon radioed back.
A foreign ship decloaked and appeared on the visual screen. It had the appearance of a raptor, a bird of prey. It had long extended wings, a thin central body, and a bridge at the bow. "Ever seen a ship like that?" Mon asked Imra.
"It's Thanagarian, a Typhon class cruiser," Imra replied. "That ship has superior hull armor, weaponry, and shields to us. The Thanagarians are a territorial species."
"A blue falcon," Mon said thoughtfully.
"They're hailing us," Dax reported.
Imra put their hailings on speaker with no translation. "Ka-caw!" the captain shouted.
"The translator is not locking on," Imra said.
"Sickbay, get Laurel's ass back up to the bridge," Mon ordered.
"She's suffered a severe concussion," Brainiac 5 informed him.
"But can she still play?" Mon demanded.
"I'm on my way," Laurel said and then stumbled her way to the bridge.
On the bridge, Mon listened to the Thanagarian's nonsense for a bit more. The Thanagarian cruiser fired a warning shot at them. "Alright, get us out of here on impulse," Mon ordered Dax.
"Navigating this minefield is going to be tricky," Dax said wide-eyed.
"You fail and you're fired," Mon threatened. He then radioed Ol. "We're leaving. Hold onto your butt."
"Understood. If you're planning to go to warp, you'll let me know, right?" Ol asked apprehensively.
"Yeah, sure," Mon said with false sincerity.
Laurel then stumbled onto the bridge and made her way over to her station. "Translate this shit," Mon ordered, unconcerned that she looked frazzled. Laurel listened to the Thanagarian messages. "Ka..ka...ka caw!" she radioed the Thanagarian ship. She then listened to their response.
"They're pissed off we invaded their space and want us to leave," Laurel said.
"Tell them we can't leave with all of these cloaked mines all around us," Mon ordered.
Laurel translated the message the best she could. "Their response is to eat crow."
"Mother-fuckers," Mon muttered. "Tell them we're going to fire in all directions so the mines blow us both up."
"They are willing to temporarily decloak the mines if we agree to leave," Laurel said.
"Tell them we agree," Mon allowed.
The mines then decloaked allowing the Nemo to see them. "Damn," Dax said as they were surrounded by mines.
"Dax, get us the fuck out of here," Mon ordered. "Ol, what's your deal?"
"I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing," he admitted.
"I got Eltro working on a backup plan which involves jettisoning you and that mine off into space. Whoever gets the job done the quickest, gets a gold star," Mon said with Eltro still on the bridge.
Suddenly, a spike from the mine went through Ol's leg. "Son of a bitch!" he cried out.
"Problem?" Mon asked.
"One of those mine spikes has gone through my leg," Ol reported.
"We have to help him," Eltro said urgently.
"No one moves until I tell you," Mon shot down.
Suddenly, another spike went through Ol's shoulder. "Ahh!"
"Alright, we're going to sit tight until we can get some professionals to work on that mine," Mon said. Another spike went through Ol's foot.
"We can't leave him out there," Eltro insisted.
"We're not leaving him...until we do," Mon talked him down.
"He's been hit three fucking times. He can't wait that long," Eltro argued.
"I've seen this kind of thing before. I got this," Mon said calmly. Another spike went through Ol's other leg causing him to cry out.
"Fuck this shit!" Eltro said, about to leave.
"No, you sit the fuck down, God damn it!" Mon yelled at him. Imra watched the exchange in a state of disbelief while Laurel had a blank dumb look on her face, still semi-conscious. "Eltro, keep working on separating the hull section. I'll deal with Ol."
Mon got into a spacesuit and walked onto the hull to meet up with Ol. "Holy shit," Mon said of Ol's condition. "Don't worry, Ol. You'll be in Sickbay in no time." Mon then powered up an index finger to slice the spikes off him.
"I wouldn't do that, Sir. There are detonation circuits inside the spikes," Ol warned. "You're going to have to amputate both my legs and arm. Just promise me you'll eat my limbs for dinner in the Insane tradition."
"Can you still access the panel?" Mon asked.
"Sure, if I rip my legs open," Ol volunteered.
"Alright, I'll do it," Mon decided.
"What's more important, my limbs or your ship?" Ol pointed out.
"You make a good point," Mon agreed. "Here's some painkillers," he said as he injected Ol.
"Can I have some more?" Ol asked, completely high.
"You're going to help me defuse this thing. Work me through it," Mon ordered.
"I am high as fuck right now and you don't know what the fuck you're doing," Ol countered.
"I'm a quick study. Now, give me that fucking screwdriver," Mon told him off.
"I hope you have a steady hand," Ol said anxiously.
"Don't worry, Ol. I've fingered a lot of holes in my career," Mon assured him.
Upon getting Imra's report and request for assistance, Kara knew what to do. She took control of a Pallas-class bomber, the USS Admirable. The ship had a "T" shaped hammerhead bow with the bridge on top and to the stern. It had a length of 325 meters, width of 135 meters, and a height of 56 meters. The Pallas class had superior hull armor, shields, and weapons to the Poseidon class. It was specially designed to detect and take down space mines. Its primary disadvantage was that it was less than half the speed of the Poseidon on impulse.
Kara commissioned Vindicator for her bridge crew, reliable mature individuals. Kara took the captain's chair, Nura was communications and intelligence, Dirk was at the helm, Brainiac 5 was acting adviser, and Drake was in the engine room with the warp core. Upon entering the system, the Thanagarian ship attacked head-on.
"They mean to destroy us," Nura said helpfully.
The Thanagarian ship moved behind the Admirable and fired repeatedly.
"Go faster, Dirk," Kara ordered.
"I'm going as fast as I can. This ship is slow as fuck," Dirk replied.
"Go to warp for just a moment," Kara ordered.
Admirable went to warp in the direction of the minefield. "Thanagarian ship is matching velocity," Nura reported.
Drake then appeared on screen wearing his protective suit in the engine room. From behind, it appeared the engine room was sparking and exploding. "The generators can't take it. The ship is breaking apart, FYI," he said with a deadpan voice, secretly hoping to die.
"I advise you to slow down," Brainiac 5 said calmly to Kara.
"Not until we're right on the minefield," Kara insisted. "Okay, stop," she ordered as they were about to enter the minefield. The Thanagarian ship went past them and hit a mine at warp speed causing a huge explosion in front of them. Another Thanagarian ship decloaked and went after them on impulse.
Upon entering the minefield, the Admirable was hit several times by space mines. Some of the space mines bounced off the ship harmlessly. "Could you possibly not hit every single one of them, God damn," Kara scolded Dirk.
For a good while, Ol and Mon worked on disarming the mine. Mon started taking bolts off the mine that suspiciously looked like an old car tire. "Ol, it took me forever to finally have breakfast with you. Why are you such a hater?" Mon asked casually.
"I don't believe in fraternization between myself and anyone else on the ship. It makes it more difficult for me to sacrifice and betray people," Ol replied.
"My mother felt the same way. They're your slaves, not your friends. I thought about that a lot when she tortured and humiliated me. I wondered if I would be the same way when I took this command. But then I realized this is not your typical Insane mission. Sometimes, by sacrificing a little Insane tradition among the crew, you can achieve greater Insane results on all the planets we encounter," Mon reasoned.
"Bridge protocol has become a bit lax. There's been too many Titan and female opinions. We're here to carry out your will, the Prince of all Insane," Ol said.
"Yeah, well, their opinions are entertaining to me," Mon permitted. "Perhaps, in time, we can convert them to our side of thinking."
"In areas of security, you could use a lot less caution. I had anticipated more battles and blood-spilling on this mission," Ol critiqued.
"I'm aware of your concerns in that area," Mon allowed.
"Still, it's been an honor to have served with you, Sir," Ol said sincerely.
"What's next?" Mon asked.
"Now, tighten them back up in reverse order," Ol instructed.
"Got to be shitting me," Mon muttered as he began working on it again. After he was done, the internal circuitry went back inside the mine.
On the bridge, Dax expertly piloted the Nemo out of the minefield. "That was some great flying. You've earned yourself another beer," Eltro complimented.
"I don't think you should be drinking while flying the ship through a thick minefield. You're permitted to take a break," Imra said to him.
"I'd rather stay at my post," Dax refused and opened another can of Samuel Adams.
"Captain, we have cleared the minefield," Imra reported while rolling her eyes at Dax.
"Keep speed and heading," Mon ordered, still outside.
On the outside hull, Ol looked over his tablet. "I'm seeing a secondary arming mechanism. You're going to have to take out its power cell."
"I understand you come from a long line of navy men, your grandfather, father. Why pick the Galactic Federation fleet? Why not keep with the family tradition of killing and pillaging?" Mon asked.
"Honestly, I'm afraid of hell and the eternal punishments I deserve. I figured that being part of your holy crusade would absolve me of my sins. My great-uncle was a badass, but he had the same problem. He went up the ranks and distinguished himself. On one routine raid, there was an accident. They hit a mine from some ancient war. My great-uncle kept the reactor going long enough for the rest of the crew to get to their escape pods. He went down with his ship. He did what he had to do for his crew. Still, I ask myself whether it was enough to save him," Ol said.
"No greater love than a man who sacrifices his life for his friends," Mon recited.
"Sir, I want you to know, I'm prepared to die, to be a soldier in Heaven's army to invade Hell and bitch-slap Satan in the Lake of Fire," Ol said.
"You have not been given permission to die," Mon reminded him.
"Sir, I need to take a piss," Ol informed him.
"Do what you got to do," Mon allowed.
Two Thanagarian ships suddenly decloaked.
On the bridge, Imra addressed the Thanagarians with a functional translator. "You have ignored our Ka-caw warnings," the Thanagarian captain accused.
"We were unable to translate your language until a short time ago," Imra excused. "We're trying to disarm and dislodge a mine currently attached to our hull."
"We're aware of your Ka-caw situation and we don't give a flying Ka-caw!. Detach the hull plating underneath the mine and leave the system immediately," the Thanagarian captain ordered.
"We have an Insane man out there," Eltro protested.
"One man versus the entirety of your crew. Leave this system immediately. We will not tolerate espionage," the Thanagarian captain said resolved.
Mon continued to work on the mine. Whatever he did ended up rearming the mine. "It's rearming. Reset that last component," Ol said alarmed. Mon reworked the mine to get it back to its safe mode. "There's a sub-detonator."
"How do we get through it?" Mon asked.
"We don't. It's too deep inside the mine. We'd have to dismantle the whole thing," Ol replied grimly.
"Well...shit," Mon muttered.
"You have to detach the whole plating. Give me a burial in space and then vaporize the mine once you get a safe distance," Ol said sacrificially.
"I'd rather dismantle the mine while fighting the Thanagarians," Mon declined.
"That could take days," Ol protested.
"My schedule is clear," Mon said dismissively.
"I can't risk the destruction of your ship, this crew, and the end to your holy crusade," Ol said and then impulsively disconnected his air cable.
Mon simply stared at Ol's resolve with respect and admiration and then reconnected the air cable. "Detach the plating," he ordered the bridge.
The Nemo detached the hull plating sending Mon and Ol off into space away from the ship. Mon then turned to Ol. "When the sub-detonator triggered, how long did it countdown before I stopped it?"
"I don't know," Ol said weakly. "Ten, twenty seconds."
"Long enough for me," Mon said and then fired on all the spikes detaching Ol from the mine. Mon then teleported himself and Ol to Nemo as the mine counted down. The mine finally exploded a safe distance from the Nemo.
Mon looked over Ol as Brainiac 5 took off his suit and began working on his injuries. "I'll note that your insubordination can be attributed to oxygen deprivation, blood loss, painkillers, and severe injuries," Mon said to him.
"You're too kind," Ol said, still high as fuck.
Kara waited patiently for the repairs to her ship to get done while hanging out in a giant minefield. "Shields restored," Brainiac 5 reported.
"Finally," Kara said pleased.
A Thanagarian ship was now right on them and firing. "Maximum impulse speed," Kara ordered Dirk. This time, Dirk was more practiced and avoided the mines.
"Get closer to those mines," Kara instructed Dirk. "Take power from weapons to the shields," she ordered Nura.
"Thanagarian ship accelerating toward us front on," Nura warned.
"The Thanagarians will not blink," Brainiac 5 said as the two ships were about to collide.
"Shields are gone and we have several breaches in the armor," Nura reported.
The Admirable dodged the Thanagarian ship at the last possible moment. The mines that had been pursuing the Admirable slammed into the Thanagarian ship, destroying it in a fireball. "Fuck yeah," Kara smiled.
On the bridge of the Nemo, Mon watched curiously as he saw an explosion inside the minefield. "What the fuck?"
"It's...one of ours," Imra said sheepishly.
"I don't recall requesting assistance," Mon said annoyed.
"I took the liberty," Imra admitted.
"Dax, take us back to Earth, maximum warp. The ship needs to be repaired for its next crusade and I'll be taking over Earth as regent until Kara figures out how to get out of that minefield," Mon ordered
The damaged Nemo powered up and went to warp leaving the Admirable behind to sweep the minefield. With this incident, the Galactic Federation and the Thanagarian Empire made first contact.