While Kara was involved in some hairy infidelity on Zuun, the USS Nemo continued its tour of conquest. The Nemo came upon a stranded ship and went to investigate for funsies. The alien cargo ship was roughly the size of the Nemo. The Nemo docked with the alien ship upon detecting their distress call.
"Today is my day off," Eltro said peeved.
"Which is the only reason we're stopping to assist them," Mon said.
"With all due respect, captain, fuck you, Sir," Eltro said boldly.
"Their life-support systems are failing. They will not last long," Imra brought up.
"Who the fuck is they?" Eltro asked impatiently.
"Retellian cargo pilots," Imra explained.
The three came to the air dock and opened the door. "Welcome aboard," Mon said with false sincerity.
"Gracious of you to assist us, captain," Goff said, shaking Mon's hand. "We were thinking our distress call would never be answered."
"This is my XO, Imra Ardeen, and Eltro Gand, my chief engineer," Mon introduced.
"Our salvation," Pinn said appreciatively.
"Rarely do I hear such words," Eltro smirked. "What's your deal?"
"We were hired to transport a young woman to her homeworld. Two days ago, her stasis pod began to malfunction. Our ship is designed to haul cargo, not people. It's a long journey and the woman is very demanding. Putting her in suspended animation was the only to stop her bitching," Goff explained.
"I understand exactly what you mean," Mon nodded.
"Commander Eltro is resourceful. I am sure it is better for him to be on your ship than ours," Imra said.
"Take a look," Mon ordered Eltro.
"This is bullshit," Eltro said disgruntled as he entered the ship.
"If you don't mind, captain, we have another request. It's been a long time since we have had the luxury of a bath," Goff brought up.
"I understand," Mon said with false sincerity. "We'll ensure you are given every Insane hospitality."
Eltro entered the piece of shit ship and found issues with the ship's circuitry. He also noticed the capsule holding a beautiful alien woman with brown hair and a pale complexion. "Nice," Eltro smiled.
On the USS Nemo, the two Retellians were thrown in the brig. Mon then supervised Ol as he strapped Goff into a chair and then lowered him onto some fierce-looking electrodes. The electrodes began to spark repeatedly with Goff screaming non-stop. As Goff continued to scream and cry out every so often, Mon had a casual conversation with Ol.
"Their ship can only go Warp 2.2," Mon smiled amused.
"That's slow as fuck," Ol shook his head amused.
"We could get them to their destination in 4 days at Warp 4.5," Mon considered.
"Is it worth the inconvenience?" Ol wondered.
"Well...we are here to meet new people," Mon shrugged. "Keep the interrogation going and put all the screaming on the intercom system."
"As you wish, Sir," Ol smirked.
"I'm going to get some grub," Mon said and then left the room.
On the freighter, Eltro and Laurel met up. "Can you translate some of this shit?" Eltro asked exasperately.
"Yeah, maybe. Who's the babe?" Laurel asked.
"We've been interrogating the two Retellians. Nothing yet," Eltro said as he stared at her capsule.
"Is it alright if we both stare at her?" Laurel teased.
"I wasn't staring," Eltro said defensively as Laurel left the scene.
The woman in the capsule suddenly woke up and started pounding on the capsule wall looking plenty distressed.
Mon and Imra had dinner together as the tortured screams of the Retellians were played on the intercom. "How's the food?" Mon asked conversationally.
"There was a time when the tortured screams of your prisoners would have ruined my appetite," Imra said dryly.
"You don't approve? I thought women hated traffickers?" Mon teased.
"How do you know that is the case?" Imra asked.
"Better be safe than sorry. You can read their minds. Are they?" Mon challenged.
"They appear to be immune to my telepathy," Imra admitted.
"Even under duress? Fascinating," Mon said curiously.
Suddenly, the ship jolted as the freighter tore off from the Nemo and went to warp.
Mon headed to the bridge. "Dax, position?"
"They're not getting far going Warp 2," he said confidently.
"Hail them," Mon ordered.
"No response," Laurel replied.
"Fire," Mon ordered.
Ol fired laser canons on the freighter's engines sending it out of warp. "Engines are down," Ol reported. In response, the freighter sent out a cloud of dilithium particles in Nemo's path. The freighter then went to warp again.
"I thought you took out their engines," Mon said annoyed.
"So did I," Ol said sheepishly.
"Warp engines won't engage," Dax reported.
"The cloud sent out has gone into the plasma vents. It will have to be purged," Ol said.
"They're going out of sensor range and...we lost them," Dax said flatly.
"Well...shit," Mon muttered.
On the freighter, the woman in the capsule revealed herself as Princess Projecta. She changed her appearance to wear a black suit and white hair. "It's you," Eltro realized.
"It would seem my guards did not fool you," Projecta smirked.
"Let me talk to my captain so I can tell him where we are," Eltro said, keeping his distance from her.
"And why would I do that?" Projecta asked.
"You have escape pods," Eltro noted.
"You're not going anywhere," Projecta shut him down.
"I'll take my chances in deep space than with you," Eltro said as he went to a control panel.
"Do not provoke me," Projecta warned. "You're not leaving this ship."
"With all due respect, I'm not one of your subjects," Eltro told her off.
On the Nemo, the two Retellians vanished. "Just as I thought," Mon rolled his eyes as he entered the torture chamber.
"How could you possibly know they were illusions?" Imra asked.
"Their ki was non-existent. Even weak as fuck humans have at least some ki signature," Mon said.
"These illusions are powerful and complex. I could smell them," Imra said dumbfounded.
"And they gave me a solid handshake," Mon said amused.
"Motive?" Imra wondered.
"To fuck with people that discover her ship. This must be the abductor simulation," Mon figured.
"Without their warp frequency, it will be very difficult to find them," Imra warned.
On the freighter, Eltro continued his work to hot-wire the escape pod. "I can manipulate your sense of sight and touch. Do you really think you can succeed?" Projecta mocked.
"Is every woman on Orando a bitch or are you a special case?" Eltro asked.
"Just me," Projecta smiled. "You know, if you were thinking rationally, you'd be taking advantage of your situation."
"The fuck? You tried to get me and my entire team to kill ourselves," Eltro recalled. "And that is precisely why I'm trying to get out of here."
"You're my hostage. You can either enjoy yourself or face my wrath," Projecta threatened.
"I've taken a few hostages in my days. They rarely go the way you expect," Eltro said dryly. He then opened a hatch to get to the bridge. Eltro cautiously felt the shaft to make sure he could actually work it.
"I'm letting you leave. It will make no difference," Projecta said.
Eltro entered the shaft corridor anyway with Projecta following. "So, of all your names, which one am I supposed to call you?" Eltro asked.
"Projecta," she replied.
As soon as Eltro exited the shaft, he entered another room. Projecta was already there waiting for him. Eltro ignored her and opened the door to the escape pod. The two went inside the cramped pod. Eltro closed the door behind him and worked the controls. Projecta smiled as he activated the controls and released the escape pod from the ship...supposedly. The pod vibrated for a good moment.
Eltro then went to work to pilot the craft to the nearest planet. He flipped a number of switches and pushed some buttons. "Do you know what you're doing?" Projecta rolled her eyes.
"Shut the fuck up and let me do my job!" Eltro yelled at her.
"When we get to the surface of this planet you're trying to find, you better provide me food, water, security," Projecta listed off.
"I'm not giving you shit," Eltro clarified for her. "Now, lift your ass."
"Excuse you?" Projecta protested.
"There's a control panel under your ass," Eltro told her.
Projecta moved out of the way and allowed Eltro to fool around with a joystick and lever. "I think I have found the landing thrusters," Eltro said.
"Have you?" Projecta mocked.
After a good while supposedly floating in space, Eltro found himself some food and water in a storage compartment above him. He found himself some jerky and a water bottle. Projecta merely watched as he ate and drank but wasn't getting full. "This is all bullshit," he realized.
Projecta merely laughed at him. "I think this is where you finally make a pass at me."
"I'd rather cut off my dick," Eltro said scornfully.
"Do you not fraternize with the opposite sex? Are you a...homosexual?" Projecta asked curiously.
"I will fuck every female in the galaxy except you," Eltro clarified.
"You're not done with your work," Projecta reminded him.
Eltro eyed the readings he was receiving. "It's an ocean planet but there are some islands on the equator. Air is breathable," he said as he looked at the screen.
"Proceed," Projecta allowed.
The craft began to vibrate as they supposedly descended to the planet. Projecta held onto Eltro as they crashed on the surface.
On the surface, Eltro and Projecta left the escape pod and walked around the planet's surface. The atmosphere was hot and humid. The terrain was swampy. "It's way too hot. We should take our clothes off," Projecta suggested.
"It's nothing," Eltro said even as he was sweating profusely. He finally relented and took his jacket and shirt off.
"You should go get some firewood. Physical labor suits you better than me," Projecta said to him.
"We're not in the palace. I'm in charge here," Eltro told her off. "I'm the king of this swamp."
"I should put you in prison for such disrespect," Projecta said, getting in his face.
"Bitch, I should get a medal," Eltro shot back.
The two fought each other in the swamp, rolling in the mud, and then falling into the water. After some good old-fashioned domestic violence, the two finally kissed and started to make out. The two tore off their clothes and made love in the swamp.
Soon thereafter, Mon, Imra, and Ol found Eltro and Projecta in the swamp. "Having fun?" Mon asked unimpressed.
"How did you find us?" Eltro asked confused.
The swamp suddenly turned into the cargo bay of the ship. Eltro had never taken the escaped pod down to the planet. The two of them had been on the ship the entire time. "What the fuck?" Eltro realized, still naked.
Projecta laughed amused, completely clothed. Eltro had been making love to an illusion the entire time. Mon fired beams of light at Projecta that collided at her waist to keep her in place. Projecta became translucent as she attempted to resist. Mon casually placed handcuffs on her hands and then her feet. He then placed a red ball in her mouth attached to straps around her head. Mon then released the energy binds on her.
"What the fuck?" Projecta attempted to say through the gag.
"Your little joyride is at an end, princess," Mon told her.
Imra placed a metal band around her head. "The moment you even think to make an illusion, you will receive a violent shock," she warned.
"Eltro, get dressed. You will be escorting the princess to the Orando royal family," Mon ordered.
"With pleasure, Sir," Eltro said as Projecta gave a horrified look.
The USS Nemo approached the Orando system and found themselves a gas giant planet with many moons. Eltro took a shuttle to take Projecta to the habitable moon to dump her off. She remained in restraints around her hands, feet, and around her head with a red ball still in her mouth. She was unceremoniously tossed into the back of the shuttle.
"Good thing I'm using the auto-pilot, this gas giant is like a gravitational jigsaw puzzle with all of these moons," Eltro remarked.
An Orando patrol craft suddenly approached the shuttle and fired on it. "Shit," Eltro realized as he was being fired upon. The shuttle quickly lost communications and then all flight controls. Eltro worked to pilot the damaged shuttle onto one of the moons and then crash-landed.
On the bridge, Laurel tried to reach Eltro. "Nothing," she reported.
"I detected weapons fire and then both ships disappeared," Ol said.
"Last known position?" Mon asked slightly alarmed.
"Somewhere in that cluster of moons," Ol shrugged.
"How many moons are we dealing with here?" Mon asked.
"Sixty-two," Imra answered.
"Well...shit," Mon frowned. "Dax, scan every moon," Mon ordered. "Keep hailing them," he ordered Laurel.
Eltro and Projecta survived the crash and landed on one of the moons that happened to have an atmosphere. "We took some damage on impact. Power is offline," Eltro informed Projecta. "You sit tight while I try to get this transceiver working."
While Projecta sat motionless, Eltro worked on the transceiver in front of a fire he had made. "Damn it," he swore as he couldn't figure out how to fix it. He then sensed he wasn't alone. The Orando pilot that shot him down tried to ambush him with a laser pistol. Eltro allowed the laser fire to bounce off his chest armor. He fired back, killing the pilot instantly. However, the Orando pilot managed to further damage the transceiver.
"Son of a bitch," Eltro frowned.
An Orando ship approached the Nemo from the rear. "Who are they?" Mon asked as he entered the bridge.
"Orando royal vessel. They're easily offended so we should proceed with caution," Imra advised.
"Yeah, fuck that," Mon declined. The Orando captain appeared on screen. "So...how can we help you?" Mon asked with a fake smile.
"We understand you have Princess Wilimena Morgana Daergina Annaxandra Projectra Velorya Vauxhall," the captain said gruffly.
"Holy shit," Mon said stunned.
"Hand her over to us and leave immediately," the Orando captain ordered.
"Identify yourself first," Mon ordered.
"Captain Pharoxx. I am her cousin," he said. "Why is there a Titan on your bridge?" he asked suspiciously.
"Sub-commander Imra Ardeen is my science officer," Mon explained.
"That pisses me off," Pharoxx said displeased.
"My distant descendant and your princess have gone missing. They exchanged fire with a small vessel. Was it one of yours?" Mon asked accusingly.
"There are factions that oppose the royal family," Pharoxx said coyly.
"Maybe we can find them together. You have a fuck-ton of moons. Now, all I want is to dump your princess off, retrieve my chief engineer, and be on my merry way. So, help me to search for them so I can get the fuck out of here," Mon offered.
On the moon, Eltro left Projecta behind and went looking for the Orando ship. He found it nearby and found the second pilot. He observed that the ship was apparently damaged just as well...somehow and unusable. He fired on the second pilot killing him instantly and then gutted the ship for any useful parts. Upon coming back to his own damaged shuttle, Projecta was still bound up.
She resisted her restraints as he came in with the broken transceiver. Eltro took the red ball out of her mouth so she could speak. "What the fuck is going on?" she demanded.
"Your people fired on us and now we're stuck on this moon," Eltro explained.
"Communicate your situation to your ship," Projecta advised.
"The transceiver is broken," Eltro pointed out.
"Let me help you," Projecta offered.
"Yeah, right?" Eltro scoffed.
"If I do anything funny, you can kill me," Projecta told him. "But you're going to have to untie me. I need my hands."
On the Nemo, Mon was bored as fuck when Imra entered his quarters. "We've scanned five moons. Supposedly, the Orando ship is doing the same with no progress," Imra reported.
"We're in their system. They could have brought more ships," Mon said peeved.
"They may not trust us because of me," Imra suggested.
"Why? What's the bad blood?" Mon asked.
"A hundred years ago, we made first contact. Not long afterward, the Orando developed warp drive. Before our intervention, they were primitive and divided much like Earth. We brought the Orando people civilization and law. In return, we made their people slaves and extracted their resources. They used deception to undermine us and our cultural exchange ended," Imra explained.
"Well, they've never encountered an Insane before," Mon said ambitiously.
"I would advise you to remain cautious. The Orando royal family is unstable and prone to coups and counter-coups. These royalists are unpredictable," Imra warned.
"Inform me when all the moons are cleared," Mon nodded.
On the moon, it was starting to warm up as it got closer to morning. "Hot as fuck out here," Eltro remarked.
"These moons are only hospitable at night. If we don't leave by sunrise, we're fucked," Projecta warned. "I suggest you take off your clothes to keep cool."
Eltro simply stared at her but took off his jacket and armor. Projecta watched as Eltro continued his work in his undershirt, getting sweaty and bothered. "How hot are we talking here?" he asked her.
"Almost to the point of boiling water," Projecta replied.
"Weak sauce," Eltro said dismissively.
"Not for me," Projecta said apprehensively.
Eltro simply stared at her. "They'll find us," he assured her.
As it got closer to dawn, Eltro worked to cannibalize the Orando ship's equipment to fix his transceiver. "Food," Eltro offered a chocolate protein bar to Projecta.
"Tastes like shit," she spat.
"Yeah, I know," Eltro agreed. "I bet you have much better food at your palace."
"The palace is a dangerous place for me. There are family members that would like to see me dead. I have to constantly use illusions to avoid assassination," Projecta said grimly.
"Here's some water," Eltro said sympathetically. He then turned on his transceiver. After a few sparks, it was supposedly working. "Eltro to Nemo, do you read me?"
"This area is full of volcanic magnetic rock that is interfering with your signal," Projecta said knowingly.
"What do you suggest?" Eltro asked flatly.
"Take your shit and move to higher ground," Projecta suggested.
Eltro attempted to carry all the equipment by himself but it was a bit too bulky for just two hands. "Shit," he realized.
"Untie my feet, and I'll help you," Projecta offered.
Eltro nodded and unbound her. The two made their way up a mountain to get a better signal. At this point, it was already dawn and the temperature was rising dramatically.
After an hour of sending out messages, Eltro got nothing. "No response yet," Eltro said. "You don't look too good," he said of Projecta. She nodded barely holding on. She was drenched with sweat and on the verge of heat exhaustion.
"Anything you want to say to your folks back home?" Eltro asked, handing her a voice recorder.
She merely shook her head depressed. Eltro gave her a sympathetic look and handed her a canteen. He placed her in the shade as much as he could. Every so often, he would give her a sip of water. Projecta slouched and looked like she was about to pass out. "Don't die on me. You're too pretty to die," Eltro said to her.
"I'm sorry I tricked you those two times. I projected my frustrations onto you and it wasn't right," Projecta confessed.
Eltro nodded, accepting her apology. He then heard Laurel's voice on the transceiver. "Laurel? Is that you?"
"We read you," Mon said to him. "How is the princess?"
"I'm a little worried. She looks fucked up, dehydrated," Eltro reported.
"The moon's atmosphere has selenium isotopes that disrupt the shuttle engines. That's why your attacker also crash-landed. So, you're to fly up into space on your own where we can retrieve you," Mon told him.
"The princess isn't going to survive that," Eltro judged.
"Yeah, that's too bad," Mon said unconcernedly.
"Sir, I can't do that. She's too hawt to die," Eltro refused.
Mon ended the transmission with Eltro. "This Princess Projecta has been a pain in my ass. She isn't going to last long in that heat. Once she's dead, I'll collect Eltro, myself."
"Captain, the princess could be a useful ally in bringing Orando into the Galactic Federation. She has useful skills," Imra protested.
"You're only saying that because you can telepathically get through her illusions. I don't have time for her bullshit. It's not enough to have OP skills. She must have the capacity for discipline. This spoiled brat isn't going to be of any use to us," Mon doubted.
On the moon, Eltro did his best to comfort Projecta and keep her awake. "I suppose I'll be demoted to seamen, but I wouldn't change a thing. On the Nemo, I've seen some crazy shit," he remarked.
"I saw the Great Plume of Agosoria and I saw the ringed moons of Matalas Prime. I stood on an asteroid crater twice as high as our highest mountain and went diving in the ice caves of Etheenia. Oh, and I even got pregnant once. Now there's a story," Projecta said sadly. "That's why I escaped my royal pampered life. To see things no one has seen before. It's been a hell of a ride...hell of a ride," Projecta said, about to die.
Eltro then saw the moon become a giant oasis of lakes, forests, and snowy mountains. "The fuck?" he whispered.
"I took off your silly headband as soon as you untied my hands. Nasty shock," Projecta said as the metal headband disappeared from her forehead. "Before you leave me here to die, I just wanted you to see the most beautiful landscape I could imagine."
Eltro eyed the landscape with awe, a true work of art with grand waterfalls. It began to fluctuate to that of the dead moon as Projecta started to lose concentration. "Hey, I forgive you, kid, and I'm sorry I was rude to you," Eltro said sincerely.
Eltro then powered up and fired a beam of energy into the air. The beam went into space making it obvious their location. Mon then teleported to their position.
Soon thereafter, Pharoxx greeted Mon in his quarters with Imra behind him. "I've just received a report. Your princess is alive and responding well to treatment. She'll be ready to go home in a few hours," Mon told him.
"And your crewman?" Pharoxx asked.
"Just a little sunburn," Mon said dismissively.
"I expect you to hand over the princess to me and leave this system immediately," Pharoxx said forcefully.
"Yeah...about that," Mon sighed. He suddenly blasted a hole through Pharoxx's chest, killing him instantly. "Ol, send over your boarding party now. Report when you have control over the bridge."
"Understood, Sir," Ol radioed.
"This course of action could complicate our relations with the Orando royal family," Imra said dryly.
"The bastard tried to off his own cousin," Mon rolled his eyes. "We're going to establish in one visit what your people failed to accomplish in one hundred years of diplomacy."
"Through assassination and a coup of the government?" Imra asked skeptically.
"Yes," Mon said obviously.
In Sickbay, Brainiac 5 looked after Eltro and Projecta. "How's our Sensor Girl?" Eltro asked cheerfully.
"Another ten minutes of sunshine and she would have died," Brainiac 5 told him.
"Can I get some of that chocolate milk?" Projecta asked, still exhausted from her ordeal.
"Anything else?" Eltro smirked. "I'll have the chef cook a feast in your honor on your new ship we just took over."
"Eltro, I'm grateful for your kindness. Orando will not forget it," Projecta promised.