Eddie splashed a handful of water on his face, trying to wash away any hints of fatigue. He hadn't slept a wink all night, running over everything in his head and jumping at every little sound he heard. It had been days since he got any considerable amount of sleep and he was running on fumes, but Eddie couldn't get himself to relax. Not after his whole world had been turned upside down.

If Eddie was being honest with himself, he wasn't sure if he'd ever truly loved Shannon. He cared for her as the mother of his child, but he'd never pictured being with her for the rest of his life. She'd just been someone he had fun with who didn't demand much from him mentally or emotionally. Shannon was a way to blow off steam and forget about the world for a while. But all of that changed when she got pregnant.

Having a baby before marriage just wasn't done in his family. And since Shannon was adamant to go through with the pregnancy, Eddie did what he had to do and proposed. They had a small ceremony in his parents backyard before Shannon even started showing and Eddie pasted a smile on his face, even though things were going too fast and he felt trapped. And when Eddie felt trapped, he ran.

He framed his choice to join the Army as what was best for his new family. On one hand it was, giving Shannon and their future child the financial stability they deserved. But on the other hand, Eddie did it to escape his reality. You didn't have time to think about domestic things when you were in a war zone.

When Christopher was finally born, he didn't feel better. He loved his son, but the fear of failure got even stronger. Now there was this tiny human that was depending on him for everything and with the examples he'd been given, Eddie knew he'd be terrible at being a father. So he re-enlisted, leaving Shannon alone to deal with a child who needed extra care and attention. It was unfair and one of the worst mistakes Eddie had ever made.

When the world decided he needed to be punished by putting a few bullets in him and sending him home for good, Eddie thought it was going to be his chance to fix things with his wife and son. He bonded with Christopher in a way he never had before, falling in love with him more and more every day.. But with Shannon, it wasn't so simple. Eddie still didn't feel the way he should've about her and she had to have known in her heart. Maybe if he had, it would've given her enough of a reason to stay. When Eddie woke up one morning to find her gone with only a note left behind, deep down he wasn't even surprised.

The next few years were spent working as many hours as he had to to take care of his son. It was mostly odd jobs, since he didn't have the qualifications for most things. And through it all, he didn't hear a thing from Shannon. Eddie didn't even have a number for her. And any friends that were in the area had lost contact with her too. She was like a ghost. That was, until she turned up on his doorstep out of the blue.

Eddie almost hadn't recognized her. She'd lost weight that she hadn't been able to afford to lose. And her hair was stringy and limp. The biggest change was the look in her eyes. When they were younger, she'd always had this sparkle. Like she was excited to take on whatever the world had in store. It had dimmed as the years passed and life hadn't gone like she planned, but there had still been determination. But her eyes now were wild, with an edge that Eddie couldn't define.

He'd been glad that Christopher had been at school, so he didn't have to see his mother like this. She paced around Eddie's living room, mumbling something under her breath that he couldn't make out. Eddie was convinced she was on drugs. When he tried to get answers from her, she snapped at him angrily, lashing out in a way she never had. Not even during their biggest fights about his military service.

Shannon wanted to see Christopher, but Eddie couldn't let her. Not while she was like this. Christopher barely remembered his mom, but what he did recall was positive. Eddie didn't want to take that away from him. Seeing Shannon like this himself was hard enough.

He tried to talk her into going to the hospital with him to get checked out, but she refused. Shannon insisted she was fine and Eddie was the problem and always had been. She laid out every mistake he'd made and flaw he had, going back to when they were just kids. And Eddie didn't want to admit that her words cut deep. He wasn't the type to cry, preferring to shove down his emotions as far as he could. But as he listened to Shannon dress him down more than any drill sergeant could even dream of, hitting on every insecurity he had as a man, father, and partner, Eddie felt his eyes blurring and his anger rising. He yelled at her to get out and never come back. Eddie slammed the door in her face as soon as she was out of the house, barely resisting the urge to put his fist through the drywall. If he'd known it was the last time he'd see her alive, he would've tried to keep his cool better. But two days later, he got the call that she was gone.

Car accidents happened all the time, so hearing that was what happened didn't raise any red flags. It was awful and Eddie was hit with immense guilt, but he thought it was just a random tragedy. He was tasked with identifying her body, since they were still married and she had no other family besides him and Christopher. Eddie had been around death plenty of times, but this was different. This was the mother of his child. This was the person he was supposed to be with forever. And before he could even begin to start processing the loss, two agents from the FBI came to his house and whisked him and Christopher away. It was the last time either of them set foot in their home.

"I'm hungry!" Christopher called out as he walked past the bathroom door. Eddie shook his head, getting rid of the unnecessary thoughts and forcing himself into the mindset he needed to be a father. Things were hard enough for Chris, so Eddie didn't need his son to see he was struggling as well.

"How do eggs sound?" Eddie asked as he walked into the kitchen. The fridge and pantry had been stocked with the basics, but they would need to go shopping soon for more personalized favorites. The idea of finding a new grocery store to go to felt daunting though. Would they like the closest one to them? Would it carry the stuff they liked? What if the only places around were expensive, organic only sorts?

"I like grandma's eggs," Christopher sighed. Eddie bit his lip at the mention of his mother. His relationship with his parents was strained in the best of circumstances, but all of this had blown it up completely. They'd always had something to say about how he was raising Christopher, even though their own track record left much to be desired. Eddie could never do anything right in their eyes. No matter how hard he tried, they always had a list of reasons why he was failing.

He'd only been able to talk to his parents once before they got swept into the system. It was facilitated by the marshals to let them know the basics of the situation and how things would work from now on. And when his parents had suggested that Eddie leave Christopher with them, it felt like he'd been sucker punched in the chest. They actually thought he was going to be willing to leave his son behind. They claimed they would do better at raising him and keeping him safe. And Eddie was just expected to go off alone and possibly never see Chris again. It felt like any shred of love or respect he had left for his parents had disappeared right then and Eddie didn't even say goodbye.

"We can make our own eggs. However we want," Eddie insisted, cracking a couple in a bowl and mixing them up. It couldn't be that hard. He was used to making things that came in a box or warming something precooked, but he could figure this out. Eddie heated up one of the pans on the stove, putting a little oil in to help cook the eggs. He poured them in when everything looked ready, grinning when he heard the sizzle. "See that? Looking good so far."

"Yeah," Christopher mumbled, propping his chin on his fist. Eddie turned toward the sink to wash the dishes he'd used, hiding his face from his son. It was taking almost all of his restraint to not break down whenever he thought of how hard life had been for his little boy so far. From having to live with a disability, to having a dad who didn't know what he was doing, losing his mom twice, and now losing his home, extended family, and name. It wasn't fair. Eddie wasn't the type to complain about the trials and tribulations of life, but this was a lot.

"What do you say we go exploring today? I looked up a few parks nearby that looked pretty cool," Eddie suggested. The thought of being out in the open like that was kind of nerve wracking, but they were going to have to rejoin the world eventually. That was the whole point of coming all this way. If they were going to hide out for the rest of their lives, they would've stayed in Texas. "And we can get dinner from anywhere you want. California has a lot of great, fresh fish." If they found a couple places they could call their own, it might make this transition easier. The only time Eddie lived anywhere besides his hometown was while he was in the Army, but that didn't count. Maybe this would go better if they saw it as an adventure. A fresh start where they could choose their own destinies.

"Dad, it's burning!" Christopher called out, snapping Eddie from his musings. He turned toward the stove, finding a bit of smoke coming from the pan. Eddie quickly moved it to a different burner, hoping it could be salvaged. But when he flipped the eggs over, the underside was black. How had they burned so quickly? He'd only turned his back for a minute.

"I'm sorry, bud," Eddie sighed, flipping off the stove and dumping the ruined food in the trash. "I'll get the next batch right, you'll see."

"Can I just have cereal?" Christopher asked, screwing his face up at the idea of Eddie attempting to cook again. He couldn't say he blamed him. What were the chances Eddie would get it right the second time? They would probably just end up sitting in a room that smelled even more like burnt eggs.

"Sure," Eddie mumbled, grabbing everything from the cabinets and fridge. At least there was a cereal Christopher already liked in the house. It seemed like the marshalls were better with his son than he was. He poured everything into the bowl, hoping he at least got the ratio of milk to cereal right, then excused himself from the kitchen. Eddie's appetite was as nonexistent as his sleep and what he really needed at the moment was a chance to breathe.

He went outside the house, sitting on the ground in front of his door. The weather was perfect and the neighborhood was quiet, but Eddie couldn't appreciate any of it. He ached to be back in his lumpy bed back in El Paso, ignorant of the trouble that simmered on the periphery of his life. Eddie pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, trying to block out the world.

"You okay?" Eddie's head snapped up and he looked over, finding Buck standing in his doorway again. His senses had been so much better while he was in the Army. Not hearing someone approaching you like that could lead to your death. And unfortunately, that was true again. "Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you. Again."

"I'm fine. And you didn't. Either time," Eddie waved off. Buck looked relieved to hear that and leaned against his door. Eddie hadn't ever been the type to get to know his neighbors. His default was to keep to himself and mind his own business. He didn't want any drama or to be forced into a friendship that wasn't authentic, just born due to proximity. But there was something about Buck that didn't give him that hesitation.

"You're not just being polite? I promise I won't take offense if you tell me to buzz off. That would be a nicer way to get rid of me than most people have used," Buck chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. "I once had an ex leave the country and it took me a few months to realize she wasn't coming back."

"Ouch," Eddie winced, relating more than he could ever admit. For all he knew, Shannon could've left the country. The time when she was gone was still a big question mark and the people who could realistically give him answers wanted to kill him instead, so the mystery was going to have to stay a mystery.

"It hurt when it happened, but I like to think I learned from the experience. I'm not really in the dating scene, but I'm gonna try to be better at advocating for myself when I dive back in," Buck said with a firm nod.

"Good plan," Eddie agreed. Maybe if Eddie and Shannon hadn't settled for each other, he and Chris wouldn't be in this mess. If they'd decided to be co parents instead of trying to force a relationship. But it was too late for that and Eddie didn't see himself ever being in another relationship. The idea of having to lie to someone for the rest of his life didn't have very much appeal. He'd already been lying to the people he cared about for most of his life.

"Did you want me to leave you alone? It's okay if you don't want to talk," Buck said with a grimace. Eddie was being kind of short on his end of the conversation, which didn't give off the friendliest impression. "I just saw you through the window and you looked upset. I couldn't help myself."

"You're fine, really. I don't mind the company," Eddie replied, flashing him a quick smile. He had gone outside with the idea of being alone, but he didn't actually mind the other man being there with him. Buck seemed like the type of person who you could talk to easily. And it didn't hurt that Buck provided most of the conversation. "I burned breakfast."

"Ah," Buck said knowingly, moving forward and sitting next to Eddie. Not too close, and now Eddie didn't have to crane his neck up to look at him. He had the same bright blue eyes as Christopher. As Shannon. "Not much of a cook?"

"A bit of an understatement," Eddie admitted in embarrassment. "I've just never been able to get the hang of it." He'd tried to learn over the years, but for some reason it never stuck. Eddie could keep someone alive in a war zone, but couldn't scramble an egg. Shannon would get frustrated when he tried to help, shooing him away to do it herself. His parents had the belief that a man's place wasn't in the kitchen, but still shamed him for not being able to feed his son properly. It was like no matter what, he couldn't win.

"I was that way too for a long time. All the delivery services within ten miles knew me by name," Buck laughed, shaking his head at the thought. "I finally started learning, thanks to my friend Bobby. But not without a little trial and error."

"Well, don't be surprised if you hear the smoke alarm go off a lot in the near future. It's just me and the internet trying to figure things out."

"Good thing you live next door to a firefighter," Buck grinned, wagging his eyebrows.

"Really?"

"Yep. That's why my schedule is so wonky."

"Hopefully you'll never have to use your skills because of me. That would be a bit too embarrassing for me to handle."

"You know, I could use some of my skills to help you," Buck said, rubbing his chin conspiratorially.

"You're gonna set me on fire?" Eddie deadpanned.

"My cooking skills! I can teach you how to cook."

"You really don't have to do that. I'm not that bad." The black eggs in the trash said differently, but who asked them? Eddie couldn't accept something like this from a practical stranger. Buck seemed like a nice guy, but that was a lot. The idea of spending that much time with someone was too much to handle at the moment, with everything else.

"I don't mind, really. And once you get the basics down, everything else gets a lot easier."

"Buck."

"It'll be fun. I think I'm a pretty good teacher."

"No," Eddie said, a little more firmly than he intended. Buck immediately snapped his mouth shut and looked like a kicked puppy. Guilt and regret slapped Eddie in the face. "I'm sorry, I-"

"No, it's fine. You said no and I should respect that. Boundaries, right?" Buck mumbled, trying to plaster on a smile, but falling short. He started to get up but Eddie reached out and grabbed his wrist, surprising them both

"It's not anything against you, okay? And I really appreciate the offer," Eddie insisted, waiting until Buck made reluctant eye contact with him. "I'm just trying to find my footing here still and I can't really commit to anything right now. Please don't take it personally." Eddie hadn't planned on making friends, but the thought of losing whatever he'd started building with Buck made his stomach clench. Even if they just ended up as two people who exchanged pleasantries when they happened to run into each other outside, it was more than Eddie had at the moment. He didn't want to give up this little bit of normalcy.

"That makes sense. I'm sorry if I'm being weird and pushy," Buck sighed, finally giving him a genuine smile. "I can get a bit overzealous when it comes to making new friends. And I like to be helpful."

"You have been helpful. You're probably the nicest neighbor I've ever had. And you taught me about sand."

"Well, a guy's gotta know about sand. Can't live in California if you don't."

"I guess not," Eddie chuckled. How was it that the only time he seemed to be able to laugh in the past week was when he was around Buck? Somehow the guy made it easy for him to forget how crazy his life had become. For a couple minutes, Eddie was just a normal man with a normal life. It was nice to be able to believe that again. "I should get back inside to my son."

"Of course."

"But it was nice talking to you."

"Same."

"Great."

"Hey, Eddie?"

"Yeah?"

"Could I get my arm back?"

"Oh!" Eddie exclaimed, snatching his hand back from where it had been wrapped around Buck's wrist. He hadn't realized he'd been holding onto it still. "Sorry."

"It's all good," Buck waved off, hopping to his feet and holding a hand out to Eddie to help him up. Eddie accepted it, letting himself get pulled up. This time, Eddie made sure to break apart at the appropriate time.

"So, I'll see you around?" Eddie asked, feeling like an idiot as soon as the question left his lips. Or course they would, since their homes were literally connected. But Eddie had never been the best with words.

"I hope so," Buck smirked, tipping his head in goodbye before he turned and walked back into his house. Eddie stood there for a few seconds, going over their talk. It felt different than his usual casual conversation he had with other people, but he couldn't pinpoint why. Maybe Eddie was just really taking this new identity thing seriously.

He walked back into the house, finding Christopher curled up on the couch with one of his gaming systems. There was still so much to do, like figuring out school for Christopher, finding a job, getting childcare. The list went on and Eddie's head spun at the thought of it all. He hadn't realized all the help he was lucky enough to get until now, when it was all gone. Even if his parents hadn't been the best, they still loved Chris. Was Eddie going to be able to provide him with that same amount of love?

"How was your cereal?" Eddie asked, leaning against the arm of the couch.

"It was cereal," Christopher mumbled, fully enthralled in his game. Eddie wasn't going to begrudge his son a little escapism for a while. If he could get a little break with Buck, Christopher deserved to get one in his own way as well.

"I'm gonna finish cleaning up the kitchen," Eddie said, glad to have at least one concrete, manageable task to focus on. Before he could get far, there was a knock on the door. He pulled out his phone, bringing up the feed to the camera that covered the front of the house. It was Buck, rocking back and forth on his heels. Eddie relaxed, seeing that they were safe. He opened the door and immediately had a basket thrust in his face.

"I promise I'll be quick, but I wanted to give these to you," Buck said, gesturing to the muffins that were sitting under Eddie's nose. They smelled amazing and his stomach seemed to forget it hadn't wanted any food for a while.

"You didn't have to," Eddie said weakly, pretending he didn't want to shove one in his mouth immediately.

"I accidentally baked too many the other day and I'll never be able to finish them. You'd be doing me a favor," Buck insisted. Eddie was about to protest again, since accepting anything had never been his strong suit, but his stomach growled loudly and answered for him.

"Thank you," Eddie sighed, accepting the basket gratefully. "I'll pay you back for these."

"No need," Buck waved off, digging something out of his pocket. "I wasn't sure if you two had any allergies or dietary restrictions, so I wrote down all the ingredients I used on this piece of paper. There are no nuts or anything, but in my line of work, I've seen people who've had reactions to the craziest things. Did you know that people can be allergic to water? It's really rare and I've never seen it before personally, but it's best to not take any chances."

"That's really thoughtful," Eddie murmured, flipping the piece of paper between his fingers.

"Nah, it's nothing," Buck replied bashfully, ducking his head as his cheeks tinged the slightest bit pink. "I'll let you get back to what you were doing."

"This week is probably gonna be busy for me and I don't know your schedule, but would you want to come over for dinner sometime next week?" Eddie blurted out, saying the words before his nerves could stop him. He was glad he had when Buck's face lit up with a smile.

"I'd like that," Buck agreed. Eddie could feel the same smile mirrored on his own face. For the first time in a while, Eddie had something to look forward to. And just a little bit of the weight he'd been carrying felt like it dropped away.