The aftermath of the war was strange. Sakura's world both shrank considerably at the same time as it expanded.
There was a ceremony held for the fallen and the memorial stone became memorial stones. Cat and Otter passed away in the war effort, Tiger and Badger retired from ANBU- Badger belatedly taking up the Hokage's offer and becoming her apprentice- and Sakura was given an entirely new team of her own.
Those that survived had matured and were much closer. Tiger, Sakura and Panda were often seen sharing a table at Panda's new smoothie place, sometimes even joined by Kakashi. The rookie eleven were almost always going out for food when any significant number of them were in the village and quite a few of them asked her for training advice. Sakura enjoyed proving that yes, except for Naruto and the Uchiha, she could beat all of them at once with her hands tied behind her back. Whenever she was in the village Naruto would drag her to have lunch at the house the Uchiha was being kept in, the property sealed and warded as he was under house arrest until the world at large figured out what to do with him (read: Naruto convinced everyone to let him go through the power of friendship). Her training sessions with Genma became far more frequent and Sakura often found herself spending a day off shadowing Morino.
On the other hand there was a distance now between her and the rest of the village. Where before she'd had a hard earned reputation as a delightful, helpful member of the community that had turned to straight hero worship. Crowds parted before her in the streets. Admirers watched her but saw her as too unapproachable to pursue. It became commonplace to hear her referred to as Sakura-hime or Blizzard-hime. There was even a divide between her and the new members of her ANBU team, the three of them making friends amongst themselves but treating her with the respect typically reserved for Kages.
It was both good and bad. Sakura found herself essentially able to get away with anything, people scrambling to obey her orders and not second guessing her motivations, but it had also removed a lot of the challenge involved in influencing a large body of people. Sakura found herself more and more frequently henging into some else to try and squirm her way into gossip groups and break into classified file storages when she got bored.
(They couldn't charge her for doing anything wrong when she had clearance for all of them, anyway. Bear looked the other way so long as she submitted reports on how she was doing it so they could improve security.)
At the very least she was too busy to really contemplate the change. A massive influx of missions had followed the war, both diplomatic and more real. The amount of missing-nin had quadrupled during the war, people defecting out of fear and the villages being too distracted to really do anything about it, so Sakura was fed a steady stream of assassinations and hunting missions. She was also, being a war hero and the only one of the three (somehow Kakashi had wormed his way out of being considered a literal saviour of the world, even if he was still treated as a war hero) that was suitable to take to a political event- with the Uchiha being a widely known criminal and Naruto being an idiot- Sakura was the go to choice for guarding missions, PR campaigns and treaty discussions.
It was a lot.
Sakura smiled angelically and thanked the cannon fodder, causing the man to blush and retreat to the back of the room. She turned her attention onto the gathering shinobi, the group talking amongst themselves as they waited for the final few Kage to arrive, ignoring the quietly seething woman next to her.
"You're here as my guard." She hissed, her voice disbelieving. "And as one of the key figures who were instrumental in winning us the war."
"Yes?" Sakura prodded 'innocently'.
"And people are still pulling out chairs for you."
"It's only polite."
"You're an assassination specialist and a veritable bomb ready to be set off at any moment."
"I'm still not sure I see your point."
"I'm a medic-nin and one ever pulls my chair out for me! Everyone became terrified of me after I became known as a Sannin." She growled. "And yet they still treat you like an unbloodied genin!"
"Aah, you see it's about presentation."
"Presentation."
"Mhm, I'm short, delicate looking, pink haired and unfailingly polite whereas you're… like a female version of the Raikage."
The Hokage's fist slammed into the desk in front of her, sending up a wave of smashed wood. Sakura's smile widened and gained a smug edge to it. The surrounding shinobi eyed the scene warily.
"Is everything alright, Hokage-sama?" Asked the serious looking man at the head of the table.
"Of course, Mifune-dono, just having a mild conversation with my extremely dangerous, war hero guard Haruno Sakura."
"Please forgive us, Mifune-sama, the Hokage simply overreacted to a small joke."
"It's no problem at all, I assure you, no problem. Now, let's get this meeting underway."
"You're a manipulative little shit."
"Of course."
Sakura woke up on her eighteenth birthday to a delivery at the door and- as had happened every year since her fifteenth- Kakashi sitting at her dining table.
Running on an entire three hours of sleep, she made the executive decision to tackle one problem at a time and ignored the man to head to the door first. The delivery turned out the be an absurd amount of presents. Two seperate genin teams running piles of boxes and bundles into her living room. Sakura stared at the pile they left behind- apparently being the saviour of the world meant a lot of people cared about her birthday- and graciously decided not to burn them all. Instead she just closed the door and forced the problem into a far corner of her mind.
By the time she had sat at the table, some leftover onigiri before her and Kakashi, she was ready to simply go back to bed and ignore the world.
"Good morning." She greeted and he nodded, turning a page of his porn and disappearing a rice ball when her eyes fell towards her own. Sakura curled into a ball on her chair and kept her eyes on her lap as she ate, vaguely hoping this would simply continue for the day. Nice, relaxing, companionable silence that let her mind rest. Sakura was tired. So very, very tired.
She really should have just slept in that morning.
A few minutes after she finished eating she blinked sleepily and found a bizarrely pink cupcake sitting before her. An entirely genuine smile pulled at her lips.
"Happy birthday." Kakashi drawled quietly, a hand waving in a lazy jazz hand and eyes not looking up from the book.
"Thank you Kashi." She slurred, sticking an icing covered finger into her mouth and savouring the taste of raspberries. She still wasn't sure how he knew her favourites, but every year the cupcake got a little closer to perfection. This one with a delicious mix of crushed pistachios and white chocolate flakes on top.
Sakura yawned and found herself abruptly sitting on top of the table, Kakashi's arms boxing her in and an intense expression in his eyes. A distinct intensity in them that made her rather abruptly feel like a rabbit looking down the jaws of a wolf. A flush built on her cheeks and a small furrow formed between her brows.
Lips crashed into hers, still separated by the thin layer of the mask but soft and warm and they sent frissons of heat down her spine and goosebumps over her arms. Her eyes fluttered shut and she gasped softly, one hand reaching for his jacket whilst the other went for his hair.
The man was gone before they made it. A swirl of leaves in his place.
Sakura wasn't sure how long she remained sitting there, a frown on her face and the cupcake twirling between her hands.
That had been unexpected.
In her plan not to shift the status quo she'd overlooked the most unpredictable variable, Kakashi himself. Had she assumed he would never make any kind of move to change their relationship because she'd subconsciously assumed he'd never return her feelings? Was she that insecure?
No. That couldn't be right.
Was it the opposite, then? She was so used to being successful that she hadn't even considered any other factors. She'd gotten cocky and now she was left fumbling blindly in the dark without even a single contingency plan.
Damn.
Sakura had no idea what to do now.
The few flings she'd had in this world had been short and started, directed and controlled by her. Her memories of Tristan's only serious relationship were of him deciding he wanted to marry the woman followed by a long, drawn out seduction process on his part. She'd never felt so out of her depth in a romance. Never not been in complete control.
That fucking terrified her.
What if she fucked up and he left? Forever? What if he'd decided he wanted nothing to do with her? What if he'd kissed her and seen into her very soul and decided she wasn't human enough? She was the one that who's mental health was dependant on their relationship. He could just leave. He could have already left. Had she already lost one of hers? The most important one of hers?
What the fuck would she even do if she had?
Sakura passed the rest of a day in a haze. Unable to concentrate beyond the swirling storm of anxiety in her mind. She met up with the others for a celebratory dinner and managed to calm slightly, only for the anxiety to rocket back up as the empty seat stayed empty well past the customary few hours.
Two months passed with Sakura seeing neither hide nor hair of Hatake.
The bitter, swirling acid of anxiety in the back of her throat became the new norm and she felt constantly run ragged, like her very soul was too tired to go through her day to day activities.
For the most part, the people around her didn't notice.
Sakura ate enough, slept the recommended amount, trained hard, worked through all of her responsibilities as she would normally, spent her free time with friends and laughed easily.
Sometimes, she caught Shiranui staring at her with a little furrow between his brows, Panda always added more raspberry to her smoothies when she came in, Morino kicked her out of T&I more frequently for breaks and the Uzumaki always made sure to smile a little brighter and talk a little more enthusiastically around her. The common consensus between those that knew her well enough to tell that something was wrong seemed to be that she was in some kind of delayed post-war mourning period.
Hatake would have been able to pick her apart entirely with just a few glances.
She could have tracked him down. Appeared unannounced at his apartment and forced a confrontation. But the last time Sakura invaded the man's privacy she'd lost the warmth. She didn't even want to contemplate what else she would lose if she did so again.
Instead, she focused on wearing the best possible mask she could and left the man alone. It wasn't like she didn't have an entire lifetime's worth of memories spent pretending to guide her.
If she listened to any gossip about him obsessively, read his mission reports the moment they were filed, bribed a web of people at the hospital to alert her whenever he was injured and became significantly less risk averse during solo ops well…
Only Sakura would know.
When- as a jōnin, war hero, one of the senior members of ANBU and personally requested by the hidden village- she was offered a diplomatic transfer to Kumogakure for six months Sakura didn't hesitate to jump on the opportunity.
She didn't look back as she headed to Lightning.
She was sent as a show of faith between the newly allied countries and she spent the six months training squads, teaching the use of her storm release and learning Kumogakure techniques in return.
It was fine. There were enough missions to feed the monster and Sakura was sufficiently distracted by the work.
"You can't just combine them! That's not how it works!"
"It's what I do."
"That is literal insanity! I refuse to believe you don't have a wind affinity!"
"You're welcome to watch me test it, if you want."
"Fine! Samui! Get some chakra paper!"
"See?"
"That's impossible! Maybe that one's just broken, here."
"No matter how many of these you make me test the result isn't going to change."
"You don't understand, this breaks every rule we know about nature transformations."
"We're shinobi, rules are just guidelines."
"Please teach me."
"It's really very straightforward. You just make three points of different natures and combine them, keeping the amount of each exactly equal."
"…I hate you."
"I'll take that as a compliment."
Sakura opened her eyes, a dark shape resolving under the waterfall before her.
"He just kisses us and then runs away!"
A copy of her, down to the green dress she was wearing and the various weaponry she'd strapped on that morning, stepped out of the rushing water. Arms crossed and a distinctly angry look on its face as it talked.
"Honestly what a coward! Not to mention an asshole!"
"Yeah, he is." Sakura agreed, nodding as waterfall-Sakura sat itself down in front of her. It leaned back on it's hands, radiating a general aura of exhaustion.
"And yet we still like him, don't we?"
"Yeah, we do."
"We should just take him. Lock him in a basement somewhere and keep him to ourselves forever."
"Please, Hatake's too good of a shinobi for that to work long. No, if we haven't figured anything else out by the time we get back to Konoha we need to just mourn and get over it."
"We could just kill him. Make it final. Eat the corpse and truly become one forever."
"Now you're just purposely being edgy."
"We could kill ourselves?"
"Don't be pathetic."
"We've done it before."
"That was under entirely different circumstances. If I hadn't been so keyed up from failing to feed you for so long we never would have gone so far. I'm glad we did, really, otherwise we wouldn't have been brought back without all the injuries. Dying a little to avoid the hospital was a pretty good trade off."
"So you figured it out then?" Waterfall-Sakura said, giving a toothy smile. "What I am."
"It wasn't fucking rocket science. They're called the falls of truth, my guide said I'd be facing my inner demons. It's not hard to figure out you're the monster inside my head." Sakura sighed and scratched an arm. "Aren't we meant to fight though?"
"Probably." Waterfall-Sakura shrugged. "Are you just gonna roll over like a little bitch if the coward comes crawling back?"
Sakura snorted. "God no. I'll make him work for it."
"Then we're chill." Waterfall-Sakura said before dissolving into ash.
Sakura blinked and found herself staring at the real waterfall, hands returned to their meditative position. She twisted and looked over at the Kumo shinobi who'd guided her here.
"Was that it?"
"What happened?" The man asked, a nervous expression in response to her nonplussed words. Sakura pushed herself up to up to standing and brushed nonexistent dirt off her dress before walking back over to him.
"Not much." She shrugged. "I gossiped with myself a bit, then she left."
"Wh-what?" His face went comically shocked. "You didn't fight?!"
"Why would I? We're chill."
"Only our greatest monks and warriors have achieved inner peace with their reflections. For you to manage it without the falls of Truth would require unnatural self awareness!"
Sakura blinked. "I guess I've that then."
"…I hate you."
"I'll take that as a compliment."
Sakura returned to Konoha near the end of November. Another head was on Hokage mountain, though an inauguration had yet to occur. She found it almost funny the sheer amount of gossip there was about it.
Of course he hadn't gone through with it yet. When was Hatake Kakashi on time for anything? Becoming Hokage was a massively important step so he was simply being proportionately late.
He would get there when he was ready.
The Uzumaki and the Uchiha met her at the gates- apparently the Uchiha had upgraded to having free range of the village but nothing beyond that- and they went for celebratory ramen. After a few subtle questions she found out that almost everyone- including Hatake- was at Hozuki castle for some kind of mission that the Uzumaki wasn't clear on and so Sakura relaxed and enjoyed the meal.
That night found her slipping her weaponry and shoes over her pyjamas- an oversized t-shirt and fluffy shorts- and climbing out a window to sit on top of the new monument and stare listlessly over the village. She'd get her shit together and mourn tomorrow, for now she just sat on the thin ledge formed at the top of the carved in forehead protector. Let feet dangle over the edge and looked out over the vast landscape of twinkling lights stretched below her. An entire ecosystem of people far out of her reach.
When a familiar pattern of breathing appeared above and behind her she quietly checked for genjutsu but didn't turn around. She didn't look over as he hopped down to take a seat on next to her- putting a few metres of space between them- and she didn't look over as the gentle silence stretched.
Sakura did look over when a soft thump and a scraping noise came from next to her.
There was a collection of books sitting next to her. Having been pushed over to her side as an offering. The well worn, cracked spined, entirety of the Icha Icha series. With a quirk of her lips she realised there was two or three of each volume and a full five of Paradise.
Hatake looked tired. His mask hung around his neck and his face was lined with stress. There were purple bags under his eyes and his hair had lost a lot of its usual lustre. His expression was serious. Eyes watching her intently.
It wasn't words, but that was fine. Sakura had never needed him to talk to understand the man.
It was an apology, an offering and a declaration all in one.
She raised an eyebrow.
"Dangerous offer to make to a psychopath." She mused but his expression didn't falter, showed no hesitation, if anything the intensity only strengthened. She stood, the movement graceful and with an edge of confidence it had lacked the past eight months, and moved to pace across the giant, stone face. Her mind whirling as she thought over what she wanted to say, wanted to do. The entire world at right angles as she cycled chakra to comfortably stay sticking to the stone.
She paused directly below him. Turned to watch him looking down to watch her. Let the anger and frustration and hurt of the last eight months seep into her face. She lifted a coated kunai and slowly, pointedly threw it directly between his eyes.
He didn't move. Didn't flinch. Simply watched the weapon with a weary sort of acceptance. When it was inches away from killing him, she let her chakra catch.
She appeared above him, a foot on either side of his legs against the edge of the stone and doing nothing to stop gravity assert itself. A hand snapped out to twist in the front of her shirt and held her in place as she teetered dangerously over the drop. Sakura tipped her head backwards to continue watching the blinking lights and hummed.
A warm arm snaked around her waist and pulled gently.
She followed the suggestion without protest. Allowed Hatake to guide her into his lap, pressed against his chest and firmly on the relative safety of the ledge. He curled over like an over sized teddy bear, pressing his nose into the top of her head and wrapping his arms around her back. Her forehead rested against his sternum, her fingers hooked in the edges of his flak jacket and she listened to his steady heartbeat. Wrapped up in a little pocket of warmth.
After a few minutes she pulled back, the arms around her waist tightening to prevent her leaning too far backwards as she pushed up onto her knees so that she was looking down on him for once, even if it was only barely. Her eyes narrowed into her harshest glare, though it was hamstrung by the genuine smile pulling on the edges of her mouth.
"You're such an asshole."
"I am sorry." He said, sounding genuine.
"I wasn't talking about that, though you are such a fucking asshole for it." She sniffed haughtily. "I was actually referring to how you obsessively hide your face despite being extremely good looking."
"That is true." He agreed, voice solemn but with a happy crinkle at the corners of his eyes. Sakura watched the corresponding happy curve of his mouth with fascination. Green eyes greedily committed the sight to memory.
"Humble, too." She muttered and he snorted.
His fingers dragged up her neck, leaving goosebumps in their wake, and he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Sakura shivered and glanced back upwards. The grey of his eyes had darkened considerably.
She ignored the growing flush on her cheeks and crossed her arms over her chest. "I've decided."
He raised a smug looking eyebrow and his hands shifted to splay over her hips, making her flush deepen as they came perilously close to sliding over bare skin. Her eyes narrowed.
She refused to lose to the asshole again.
Sakura cycled her chakra faster, heating up her body until his skin felt almost cold to the touch. Her fingers gripped his chin and pulled it upwards, watching his pupils dilate as she leaned in until their lips were just barely brushing. Her hair fell around them in a curtain of pink. She shuffled closer and ran burning fingertips over and around the back of his neck.
"There are fifteen weeks until my next birthday." She murmured, tightening her grip on his chin warningly and leaning backwards when he tried to push into the kiss. He stilled obediently but his grip on her hips tightened to the edge of pain and his expression turned predatory in a way that sent a shot of adrenaline straight to her already pounding heart.
She shifted so her mouth was next to his ear, unnaturally warm breath ghosting over the sensitive flesh and a hand twisted to pull lightly on the silver mane of hair. Kakashi groaned, little more than a low rumbling through his chest, and his fingers moved to slide determinedly over the backs of her thighs and up the ends of her shorts. When she spoke her voice was breathless.
"Impress me by then and I might even let you take me on a date."
Sakura disappeared in a swirl of leaves.