AN: Hey!
I'm loving that people are seeing this as a struggle, everything can't be sunshine and rainbows, certainly not as teenagers. We obviously love the girls but considering everything they've been through, they're doing well and beginning to understand each other a lot deeper, especially in the next couple chapters!
I woke up to the most reviews on a chapter for this story this morning and I must admit, it was a big relief and it put a smile on my face, so thank you to those who are supporting this! So here's another to show my appreciation.
And remember, these are kids playing in an adult world!
When Quinn woke later in the morning, her girlfriend seemed to be still in a deep sleep, which she was extremely relieved about. Santana may not have had a full nights sleep like she needs but at least she got some rest.
She notes that it's nearly time for Maribel to be picked up and decides that she will go so that Santana can rest more.
She slowly escapes Santana's grasp, writes a note to let the Latina know where's she's gone and grabs some clothes on the way out of the room, opting to change in the bathroom as not to make any noise that may disturb the sleeping girl.
Maribel gets in the car and doesn't mention the fact that it's the blonde driving, rather than her daughter, but the confusion on her face is unmissable.
"She was still asleep, she didn't rest too well last night so I decided to leave her." Quinn explains.
"I know she's not sleeping well, I hear her moving around at night, either outside or in the living room." The older Latina reveals.
"I'm worried about her. Is this normal for her? Because she keeps brushing me off when I ask her about it."
"It happened once before. Just after she was attacked, she was scared of the nightmares. Right now, I'm not sure what it is but I can try and talk to her. Although, I doubt she'll talk to me if she won't talk to you."
"How did you get through to her last time?"
"I didn't." She pauses, "It was her father. She's not spoken to him since we moved though, so I'm not sure she'll listen to him anymore either."
Quinn tries to remain calm but the panic is rising slightly, something that Maribel notices. She pats the blondes knee as a comforting gesture.
"She'll be okay, don't worry." She smiles softly.
"She keeps telling me not to worry too, it's not very reassuring." She finishes and Maribel has no response, she knows there's a reason to worry.
When they return home, they're both shocked to find the ground floor empty. Quinn goes to check the bedroom and finds her girlfriend still peacefully sleeping, she closes the door and goes down stairs to make breakfast.
As she gets to the bottom of the stairs, the front door opens to reveal Blaine. "Morning, do you want some breakfast? I'm going to do some pancakes."
"Yeah, go on then. I'll come help." He says as they both make their way to the kitchen and find Maribel pulling out the ingredients.
"Go and sit down Mami, me and Q will make breakfast. We'll bring it into the dining room when it's done."
The older Latina doesn't speak, she just nods and leaves the room.
"So, where's my sister?" He asks as they begin to mix the ingredients.
"She's still asleep, she's been up all night. Apparently, it's a regular thing at the moment."
"She gets like this sometimes, she has something on her mind, it's making her restless."
"I've tried to talk to her but she won't tell me. Mama L says she's going to try and talk to her but says Emilio was the only one that she'd tell these things to?" She replies.
"That's true. They were really close, she trusted him with everything. Like I said before, she wasn't in a good place when they separated. We need to work out how to fix it before it gets to that point again." He gives a sympathetic smile towards Quinn as they finish with breakfast and start to move it into the dining room.
Once the three of them had finished eating, Maribel went to bed and Blaine and Quinn tidied and cleaned.
It was now around 11AM and Quinn wanted to check on her girlfriend.
As she entered the room, beautiful, dark, chocolate eyes were beginning to flutter open. She sat on the edge of the bed and ran her fingers through tangled raven hair.
"Morning baby."
Santana rubbed her eyes and stretched her arms and back before pulling Quinn down on top of her.
"Good morning mi princesa. Are you okay?" She asks leaving a kiss to the top of Quinn's head.
"I'm fine, did you get some sleep?" She replies settling on top of Santana so that they're both comfortable.
"I did, what time is it? I need to fetch Mami."
"I already picked her up, she's gone to bed, it's like 11AM." As she finishes, the Latina shuffles beneath her and lifts the duvet so that Quinn can get comfy under it with her.
Quinn moves off the bed so that her girlfriend can pull the cover completely back, enabling her to get in.
She goes to lie to the side of Santana but she tells her to lie where she was previously. The brunette opens her legs so that Quinn can rest between them on her front, placing her head above Santana's chest.
"I'm surprised I slept that long to be honest. I should really shower, then I'll strip the bed for you." Santana says, wrapping her arms around her girlfriend tightly.
"I'm really glad you did get some sleep, lovebug." Quinn says, leaning up to give Santana a quick peck on the lips. "Can we please talk about what's keeping you up?"
"Q," Santana sighs, wriggling to obviously try and escape the weight of the other girl.
"No Tana," Quinn injects, "we decided not even a week ago that we need to communicate better. I can take whatever it is that's bothering you, we can get through it, together. You don't get to shut me out anymore. Let me help you."
The Latina is silent for awhile before she speaks, "I'm just worried about a lot of things, like what will happen when I go away. I know that it's a while off and I keep telling you not to think about it but I can't shut it out."
"Tell me, tell me what's worrying you." She says reaching up to place her hand around the tanned neck above her, playing with the wisps of hair there because she knows Santana finds it calming.
"I don't think I want to, I don't want you to think about it too." She murmurs quietly.
"Santana, baby, I can guarantee that whatever you're thinking about, the same situation is already 10x worse in my head. Trust me, I've probably thought it up 100 different times. We can tell each other our fears and we'll work through them."
"What if something happens to you while I'm away and no one can get hold me of me?" She blurts out, if Quinn wants to know her thoughts, then she needs to get them out quickly.
"Tana, you know that they will find a way to contact you, they will have precautions in place I'm sure for things like that. If it makes you feel better, I'll be 500x more careful when you aren't here to protect me." She says, softly squeezing Santana, as if to make sure, that in this moment, she's still here, protecting her.
"How will you cope with me being gone for god knows how long? Maybe like months at a time."
"I don't know. Honestly, I'll probably cry for a while and be sad and maybe a little angry but you don't need to worry about that."
"Of course I'm worried out that Q. The last thing I want is for you to be here, alienating yourself and sad because of me and a decision that I've made." She exclaims frustratedly.
"It's not a decision you've made, it's one we've made. You want to join the army, I'm not going to stand in the way of that, but I've decided that I need to be with you, okay? You're not forcing me into this, in fact, you selflessly tried to let me out of it. This is something that we've concluded together because this is worth it, right? You want me and I want you and that's worth saving?" Quinn replies tearfully.
When she doesn't receive a response, she looks up to see tears falling down Santana's cheeks. The wipes them away with the pads of her thumbs and leans closely into her face, "You want me, right? You want this?" She whispers softly, pecking her lips repeatedly.
"There's never going to be anyone else I want more Quinn, I'm just having a really hard time accepting that you want this. I just don't think I'm worth the heartache."
Quinn rarely sees this side of the brunette, so when she does, it really upsets her, because the girl she fell in love with isn't this insecure. She needs to get to the root of this.
"Why would you think that, lovebug? There is no one on this earth more worthy than you." She pauses, still caressing the cheeks in her hand. "Can you tell me about your ex-girlfriend? Before you bite my head off, I know you don't want to but it needs to be out there."
"Quinn, I really don't think she has anything to do with this." She huffs.
"I think she does. I know you're keeping it away from me for whatever reason but I think subconsciously, it's affecting our relationship and your health and right now, that's the most important thing to me."
"I don't know what you want me to tell you."
"Everything. What's her name? How did you get together? How long did you date? Who initiated the break up?"
"What do you mean, break up? We're still together." The Latina cheekily winks trying to lighten the mood.
"No worries then, I'll just date Finn too, I'll see how good he is in bed." The blonde jests back.
"He wouldn't dare come anywhere near you, he knows what will happen. Plus, Puck told me, for some reason, he has a really tiny dick, so if that's what you're in to, go ahead." She continues the banter raising an eyebrow.
"I'm pretty sure I'm gay actually so penis' don't really appeal to me, unless they're attached to sexy Latina women, that definitely know how to use them and are certainly not tiny." She winks, leaning in for a chaste kiss. "Now come on, stop changing the subject and tell me."
"Alright, well her name was Dani and we met at school. It was only freshmen year, Blaine actually introduced me to her, she was in one of his classes and she thought I was hot. We spoke for a while and I asked her on a date. We went to a diner and split a milkshake, nothing much you know."
"I think it sounds cute, Finn never actually took me on a date so I think that you were sweet to do that." The blonde coos. "Now tell me why you broke up."
"We were having a discussion about what we were going to do after school, she wanted to pursue music and when I told her about the army, she went ballistic. She was screaming at me, telling me it was selfish because I was leaving everyone behind, she said that I obviously didn't care about anyone but myself and that no one would ever love me because I'd never be able to be in a stable relationship with that career." Santana finishes looking away from hazel eyes that are filled with tears.
"She said she'd never met anyone more inconsiderate about anyone else's feelings, that I was fake because I was going to 'string her along' until I left. I think she thought I'd break up with her before leaving so that I could sleep with other people on base if I was lonely.
She never knew about my dick, I didn't tell her, she was definitely the type of person to tell the school if there was a break up and we weren't really together that long for me to feel comfortable that she wouldn't tell. We did do things but it was always me pleasuring her, I never let her near me." She finishes, eventually looking up to see Quinn nearing tears.
She wipes the blondes eyes before continuing, "Why are you crying, baby love?"
"She couldn't have been more wrong Tana. You are not selfish and you're definitely not inconsiderate. Everything you have done for me proves that. You saved me from Finn multiple times, bearing in mind, you had no idea who I was at that first party and you unselfishly attacked a boy twice your size.
You gave me your coat when you walked me home, that same night, two more things that you didn't have to do. You saved me from my father and you and your family opened up your home to me and made me feel as though I finally belonged somewhere.
When we had sex for the first time, you were gentle and loving and I felt so safe in your arms, you were considerate of how I was feeling and repeatedly asked if I was okay and the second time, you wouldn't even cum in me because you thought I wouldn't want that.
You are none of them things and she has let go of the most thoughtful and caring person I have ever met. But her loss is my gain lovebug."
"You really think all of them things?" Santana shyly replies.
"No Tana. I know all of them things because you've done them for me on multiple occasions. She's lost the best thing that could have ever happened to her, you're perfect."
Santana looks away because she's not sure how to respond to what Quinn is saying, although she knows she feels as though a huge weight has been lifted off of her shoulders.
"Did you love her?" Quinn asks quietly, afraid of the answer, to which Santana instantly shakes her head.
"Maybe I thought I did at the time, but it was my first relationship, you know? That fairy tale where you get together in high school and that's it. But now that I've felt love, I know I didn't feel it with her. You're my one and only love darling."
Quinn leans down to connect their lips in a passionate kiss. When it comes to an end, she has one more question to ask, "So, is she the only girl you did 'things' with?" Raising an eyebrow.
Santana laughs in response, "You really want to talk about other girls while you're basically straddling my dick in your bed?"
The blonde wiggles as to irritate the penis between her legs and Santana places hands on her hips to stop the teasing.
"Just tell me and then it's out of the way, I told you, I never did anything with anyone before you."
"I did do limited things with Dani but like I said, she never touched me. I also got really drunk at a party a few days after the break up, which was her by the way, after that argument, I'm not sure if I specified, and I fooled around with a girl from a different school, but again, she never got near me, it was all her."
It's not a great thought for Quinn that Santana had been somewhat intimate with other girls but it does make her feel extremely special that, not only have they been intimate enough to have sex, but that her girlfriend felt comfortable enough to tell her about her extra appendage when they were just friends.
Content with Santana's answer, she snuggled back into her chest for a while until they both decided to get up and be productive.